Thursday, March 24, 2011

Polyamory is Not Immaturity

As you know because it he has been unavoidable, Charlie Sheen has been in the spotlight lately, as has his current relationship situation that is being described as polyamorous or polygamous. This piece by Pamela E. Spender and Damon Smith uses that, and Kendra Wilkerson’s past relationship with Hugh Hefner, as a doorway to discussing polyamory.

So is polyamory - being in an intimate relationship where you know you're not the only girlfriend/boyfriend - becoming more accepted?


Do these relationships work?

Some do. This is like asking if monogamous relationships work. Some do, some don’t.

Pamela says…

Yeah, polyamory works if you're young or if you're a celebrity living on the wild side. But not for very long.

This is not true. There are mature people, the kind of people you meet every day, who are polyamorous and in relationships that work.

When I was in my early 20s, I wasn't thinking long-term when it came to dating. I was having fun. That's what you should do when you're young.

Some people have fun and think about the long-term throughout their adulthood.

The two girlfriends - excuse me "goddesses" - living with Sheen are in 23 and 24, according to recent reports.

Sheen is just one person. I wouldn’t say his situation is typical of poly people.

The Midwest girl in me thinks that eventually, either one or two things happen in a polyamorous relationship: Someone gets tired of partying and leaves willing or he/she gets traded in for a newer model.

She writes that as if that doesn’t happen in monogamous relationships. Only a small percentage of supposedly monogamous relationships last until death, and how many of those are actually monogamous for the duration?

Thankfully, she gets some enlightenment from author Roy Sheppard.

Damon writes…

I have no real clue about it, polyamory or open relationships, save for that they are becoming more common every day. But I can't knock Charlie or those people who engage in these kind of relationships.

Better, but it looks like poly is getting broad brushed.

Sure, open relationships can work.

Some polyamorous relationships are open. Others are not.

Polycules are probably not going to last long when the people in them are immature. Most poly people I know are much more stable than Sheen. Being an egomaniac also does not lend itself to a lasting, happy polyamorous relationship.
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