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Sunday, July 23, 2017

Jane on Media Policy

Ah, the catch-22 of consanguinamory and media policy.

Journalists are eager to feature consanguinamorists, but many require documents and other evidence.

Very few consanguinamorists will provide such incriminating material, because most live where their love is still illegal.

Go see what Jane has to say.
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Saturday, July 22, 2017

Hate Adds Pain to Genetic Sexual Attraction and GSA Relationships

I'm bumping up this entry I wrote a while back because there are people who need to see it.

Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) is a condition that may be experienced when close genetic relatives who have been separated for significant amounts of time, often since birth or before puberty, are reunited or introduced. It describes an intense physical and/or emotional attraction, and may include sexual attraction or be expressed through sex. The attraction may or may not be mutual. Even if mutual, not all GSA results in sexual contact. (Some people prefer the term "Genetic Attraction.")

Reading accounts or watching documentaries about those struggling with GSA feelings or related actions can be heartbreaking. There are many reasons as to why.

First of all, there are all of the problems that come with any attraction or any relationship. One person is attracted to someone else and that attraction is not mutual, or is mutual only for period of time. Relationships involve at least two different people who are trying to get along with each other and to deal with those outside the relationship as well. This can all be increased when the individuals are biologically related.

This new attraction and resulting relationship can bring change, disruption, and uncertainty to someone’s life, which is again something that may happen in general relationships as well, but can be more of an issue with biological relatives and the strong pull of GSA. This is especially a problem when someone has made a life and perhaps has existing vows with someone else. For example, a married, monogamous woman who gets in contact with a biological half-brother and finds herself strongly attracted to him and wanting to spend time with him, with or without sex. The time and attention taken from her marriage may be enough of a problem, but add sexual cheating to the mix, and it is even worse. She may love and value her husband, but feels this intense connection or draw to her half-brother that must be suppressed if she wants to have a chance to save her marriage. In that case, either choice is painful. Or what if she doesn’t want to save her marriage? What if it was dying before the GSA issue surfaced? Divorce is usually a painful experience anyway.

Some people experiencing GSA are disturbed by their feelings (or the feelings of their relative) because they feel a need to have that person in their life as a sibling, a parent, or a child, and they see sexual attraction or sex as incompatible with that role. They may feel like they finally had something they were missing for so long, only to have it taken away by unexpected or unwanted feelings and resulting tensions. Just the unfamiliar nature of these feelings may be bothersome.

In addition to all of the usual problems someone with an unrequited attraction or a mutual attraction between people can bring, one that is different with GSA is, of course, the legal, familial, social, and religious prohibitions imposed against sex with and marriage to close relatives. Incest between consenting adults is still criminalized in many places, including most US states, and bigotry against people in such relationships or experiencing such attraction continues to be perpetuated, sometimes in the most hateful and harmful ways.

This is sometimes compounded by a lack of solidarity. Even if there is a GSA relationship that didn’t break up any existing families, marriages, or relationships, and the individuals are happy together and able to share their lives in a functional way despite legal and social challenges, they may be rebuffed or judged when they reach out for understanding and support from others. Other people experiencing GSA who have decided not to have sexual relationship or have ended a sexual relationship or want to end their sexual relationship may disapprove of those who want to engage in or continue their sexual relationship. Or, if the GSA relationship is intergenerational, interracial [biracial with non-biracial], same-sex, or polyamorous, other people experiencing GSA may express disapproval based on one of those factors (in addition to all of the other people who disapprove based on those factors). Finally, those who have recently struggled or are still struggling for their own freedom to marry or just the basic freedom of association, such as LGBT people or poly people, may express contempt for consanguineous sex and love, including in cases where GSA is factor, or may be unsupportive of those in GSA relationships gaining the freedom to marry. Thus, instead of finding comfort from those who have also been targeted by those who want to control the sexuality of other adults, people experiencing GSA may find some more vitriol or at least a cold shoulder.

All of these things can bring pain and hardship to GSA relationships. Laws and public attitudes can be changed. There is some help for those struggling to deal with their feelings or the feelings of someone else or just to be themselves, but that help would be greatly aided by a change in the laws and public attitudes. That is one reason I call for solidarity. Someone who is struggling with GSA does not need the added burden of laws and finger-wavers that treat them as second-class citizens or with hate and impede their ability to make decisions in the best interest of themselves and their loved ones.

For help, see here.

[Edited for typing errors and clarity.]
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Thursday, July 20, 2017

Kentucky Still Criminalizing Consenting Adults

People tend to bring up Discredited Argument #18 when attempting to justify bigotry and discrimination against intrafamilial sex, including consanguinamory, but cases like this are an example of why that's a bogus argument.


reported at thegleaner.com that two adults are facing "incest" charges for the victimless crime of having sex with each other, even though they are not blood relatives. This is happening in Kentucky.
A Henderson woman and her stepson are facing incest charges after an investigation which started in June on an unrelated incident.
Henderson police said Ashley Johnson, 29, contacted the police last month to report that her stepson, Isaiah Johnson, 20, 800 block of Kingsway Court, had punched her vehicle's windshield causing it to shatter. The next day, Johnson called the police again stating the windshield was being fixed and she didn't want to press charges, a news release said.
See, if there is a problem at all, it is that there appears to be a contentious situation. Shattering her windshield can easily escalate to shattering her jaw, if he actually did that.
While speaking with authorities, Ashley Johnson said she was Isaiah's stepmother and that she and her stepson were involved in a sexual relationship, a news release said.
There was absolutely no reason to tell the police that. People are often surprised that there are still laws in many places against consenting adults, especially steprelations, having sex, but there are. Protect yourselves!!!
City police said when questioned, Isaiah Johnson confirmed he was having sexual intercourse with his stepmother.
He shouldn't have said anything like that, either.
On Tuesday, Isaiah Johnson was arrested on warrants for incest, third-degree criminal mischief, harassment and two bench warrants for failure to appear in other cases.
Sounds like he has other issues. The "incest" charge is just piling on.
Henderson police said there is an active warrant on Ashley Johnson also for the charge of incest. This investigation is still open.
That's a waste of public resources and yet another example of why we need relationship rights, including full marriage equality, for all consenting adults. Here's how you can help.

Prosecute people for crimes that have actual victims. Stop wasting time prosecuting adults for being affectionate with each other and loving each other how they mutually agree. There are people everywhere, in every demographic, having sex with their potential, current, or former stepsibling or adult stepchild or stepparent. It is common enough that everyone knows people in these situations, whether they know it or not. Anyone who thinks otherwise is naive. It shouldn't be a matter for police or courts if adults are having sex. If people commit assault or vandalism or destruction of someone else's property, that's a real crime.
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Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Tell Your Story

Are you, or have you ever been, in a “forbidden” consensual relationship?

Is one of your parents, children, or other family members in such a relationship, or have they been?

Are you the adult child of such a relationship, whether you were a biological child, adopted, or stepchild?

If you can say "yes" to one or more of those questions, I’d like to interview you. It doesn’t matter if the relationship is/was very casual, is a serious lifelong relationship, or somewhere between.

What qualifies as “forbidden?” While most of my interviews printed on the blog so far have been with people in consanguinamorous (consensual incest) relationships, I’m also interested in any consensual adult relationships that are forbidden by law, custom, tradition, community, or family and/or is subject to discrimination. This includes, but isn’t necessarily limited to, relationships with someone who is from an older or younger (adult) generation, or from a different race; gay or lesbian relationships; open relationships or marriages, relationships that include swinging, swapping, group, or polyamorous relationships; polygamous relationships or marriages, plural marriages, polyandry, or polygyny; and relationships often perceived as incestuous, such as between cousins, or Genetic Sexual Attraction relationships, or being with a close blood, step, adoptive, or in-law relative.

I’d like to interview you and publish the interview on my blog, and I can do so while protecting your anonymity.


What you get in return:

1. Loads of cash. Well, no, not really. I don’t accept funding for this blog and I won’t pay for participation. Sorry. This blog is a labor of love in every sense of the word. Also, I want people who just want to sincerely share their experiences, not someone who is will sensationalize for cash.

2. The satisfaction of knowing you are making a difference in the lives of many people around the world. People are relieved to read of other experiences like their own, and those who wonder about these relationships come away a little more enlightened.

3. Being able to tell of your relationship and experiences to someone who supports your rights and respects you.

4. A link to a website or profile of yours, depending on privacy issues.

The best way to contact me is via email. Check the Get Connected tab at the top of the screen or write me a fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.
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Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Game of Thrones is Back and So Is Prejudiced Commentary

Ariana Romero has an article at refinery29.com about "incest" being all over TV, with a headline asking if Game of Thrones is to blame for depictions of something that has always been a part of life.
The HBO fantasy epic is so serious about inappropriate family-member loving, the very first episode of the series, "Winter Is Coming," ends with Cersei (Lena Headey) and Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) having doggy-style sex in a tower and then flinging Bran Stark (Isaac Hempstead Wright) out of said tower to keep their relationship hidden.
Let's be clear. Consensual (to be redundant) sex between adult siblings is not inappropriate. Cheating is inappropriate. Assault is inappropriate. Sex between consenting adults who aren't cheating is not inappropriate. Unless they're doing it on the dining room table in the the middle of a big family dinner when that sort of thing wasn't expected.
So, does that mean Thrones is to blame for the recent incest boom on television?
Consanguineous sex and relationships have always been in our stories (see The Bible, Greek mythology) because those things have always been a part of life.

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Monday, July 17, 2017

Clearing Up Consanguinity

Many people get confused about terms like "second cousins" and "once removed" when referring to close but not-so-close relations. Your parent's sibling's child is your first cousin. That person's child would be your first cousin, once removed. That person's child and your child would be second cousins.

Here's a helpful chart that can help explain it.



Source: http://www.sanantonio.gov/atty/ethics/ConsanguinityChart.htm

Remember, there's nothing wrong with experimenting with, dating, or even marrying a cousin. Consanguineous relationships and marriages are nothing new. There are some countries and a little over half of US states where the bigotry against marriage equality extends to preventing first cousins from marrying, but there are many places where marrying a first cousin is legal and common. I'm only aware of a few US states where sex between first cousins is technically illegal, so check the laws of your state if you are concerned. It should be searchable on your official state website.


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Saturday, July 15, 2017

Let's Network

There is a growing supportive network for people who are in, or have been in, consanguinamorous relationships, and their allies.

Despite how common these experiences and relationships are, people often feel alone, and sometimes they are very reluctant to reach out, or their lover or lovers do not want them to reach out for fear of persecution, prosecution, or some other negative result. However, there are many of us who would like to be in contact with you and will keep your confidence, as we've done for so many others, including these folks. So whether you have been involved, know someone who has, or are an ally who doesn't even know who around you has been involved, please reach out.

If you want to get in contact with me, you can do so by writing me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com or contacting me on Facebook or on Twitter or on Tumblr.

We have a Public group on Facebook, I Support Full Marriage Equality, where you can find many friendly people even if you don't join the group, which is about ALL adult relationships.

Jane has a great blog and Tumblr and podcast.

Join Kindred Spirits, a free, supportive forum, for serious discussions of the issues surrounding consanguinamory.

So, bookmark, follow, join, and send messages as appropriate to join us. You're not alone, and you can make a difference!
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Friday, July 14, 2017

Taking the Steps

I have frequently seen the question asked, “It is incest to date my stepbrother?” or “Would marrying my stepsister be incestuous?”

Romance, dating, sex, or marriage between step relations is not literally consanguinamory, but is often subject to the same prejudices, which in some places and cases includes criminalization, as consanguinamorous relationships. With Discredited Argument #18 not a factor, the excuse to try to deny others their relationships is usually Discredited Arguments #1, 3, 19, or 21.

Although someone may try to control our relationships, we can’t effectively control what other people do with their love lives and we shouldn’t try. We don’t pick who our family members love or marry. As such, sometimes someone is brought into our lives as a step relation, such as a stepbrother, stepsister, stepmother, or stepfather whether we like it or not.

Sometimes, we like it. A lot.

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Thursday, July 13, 2017

Consenting Adults Still Being Prosecuted in Samoa

Deidre Tautua-Fanene reports at sobserver.ws about another unjust and ridiculous prosecution of consenting adults for loving each other.
A brother and sister who became the subject of a Police investigation as a result of allegations of incest last month, have been charged.
Why? There is no victim to this "crime."
This was confirmed by Acting Assistant Commissioner Sala’a Moananu Sala’a.

“Police have completed their investigations and the brother and sister have been charged,” said Sala’a.


“The incident occurred in one of the villages in Savaii last month and it was the pastor who reported the incident to the Police at Vaito’omuli.

“They are scheduled to appear in Supreme Court for first mention on the 17th of July before Chief Justice, His Honor, Patu Tiavasu’e Falefatu Sapolu.
Do the right thing and throw this case out of court!
“According to the pastor, the brother and the sister go to the denomination that he looks after and he believes they are in a relationship,” Sala’a said.
“The brother is 26 years old while the sister is 18 years old.
So they are consenting adults. Leave them alone! They should be free to have sex, to hold hands, to live together, or to marry, if that's what they want.
At the moment, the brother is in custody while his sister is out on bail but has to sign in at the Vaito’omuli Police Station.
What a waste of resources! Every bit of time or money spent on such cases is time and money that could go to fighting real crimes, with actual victims.

It's another example of why full marriage equality is needed.
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Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Starting or Joining a GSA at Your School

Not only are school years a time for intense personal discovery and growth, but they are usually a time of intense pressures, including the pressure to conform, and bullying.

For those reasons, Gay-Straight Alliances, or Gender and Sexuality Associations, or Diversity clubs are critical.

If your school doesn't have such an organization, consider starting one. See here and here. It's time to make plans for the next school year.

If you school already has one, consider joining and/or supporting it. Student, faculty, and parental support are all needed.

Whether starting or joining, please do what you can to make the organization welcoming, inclusive, and accepting of all whose identity, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or existing relationship (or that of their parents) makes them a target for discrimination or bullying.






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