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Friday, April 29, 2016

Myth: GSA Feelings Will Go Away

Reality: They might. That also means they might not.

Some people experiencing Genetic Sexual Attraction report that their feelings have lasted years while they avoided any sexual contact. Others report their feelings changing after sharing a sexual relationship. Still others report the feelings endure with intensity in an ongoing consanguinamorous relationship. There are other possibilities as well.

It is common for feelings to evolve in any relationship. Polyamorists often talk about New Relationship Energy and Old Relationship Energy. Most people know that relationships can often start with infatuation that may not last, and may or may not be replaced with other feelings.

It appears to be very rare for GSA to evaporate away by simply ignoring it. Family and friends who tell someone experiencing GSA to just forget about it or ignore it may mean well, but they're not aware of just how overwhelming it can be. Even people who recognize the person to which they’re attracted is bad news, even abusive, may still feel drawn intensely to them. This is yet another reason why GSA needs to be decriminalized, brought out of the shadows, and dealt with seriously and respectfully.


See Myth: Sex Will Always Ruin These Relationships

See Myth: If Only They'd Known Ahead of Time, GSA Wouldn't Have Happened
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Thursday, April 28, 2016

Frequently Asked Question: Why Do Polyamorists Get Married?


The question is asked as though the person asking assumes that actual monogamy is a requirement for marriage. It isn’t in most places, even though current marriage laws will only allow monogamy in the legal sense.

For the purpose of this question and answer, I will include any form of honest nonmonogamy, or any label applied, such as open relationship, open marriage, swinging, swapping, polyamory, polyfidelity and polygamy.

Why do swingers get married?

Why do people in open relationships get married?

Why do polyamorous people get married?

The short answer is: For the same reason most other people get married. They want to get married, they think it is the best thing to do at that time in life, or they’re pressured.

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Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Myth: Sex Will Always Ruin GSA Relationships Because a Person Needs a Nonsexual Relationship With Their Genetic Relative

Reality: Sometimes including sex in the relationship is the best option for the relationship.

By definition, people experiencing Genetic Sexual Attraction didn’t have ongoing familial relationships with the person(s) to whom they are attracted. They may want to develop one, and they may already be happy with their existing familial relationships.

Many people report that consaguinamory made them much closer, even if they have ceased that part of their relationship.

As far as someone needing a nonsexual relationship with a relative… in many situations involving GSA, the person does have a nonsexual relationship with some genetic relatives. On the other hand, there are people who never have any relationship whatsoever with their close genetic relatives who do quite well in life.

What people need in their lives is not to be subjected to abusive relationships, regardless of whether there is a close genetic relation. What people need is not to be criminalized or bullied or discriminated against for whatever consensual relationship they have.

See Myth: There is Only One Good Outcome to GSA

See Myth: GSA Feelings Will Go Away
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Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Has Your Partner Experienced Consanguinamory?

I used be active at a certain Big Internet Portal's Question and Answer service, until someone who couldn’t handle me answering questions truthfully when it comes to certain romantic or sexual topics decided to get me "suspended" using a weakness in their automated system. After that, I'd still check to see what questions were being asked there, even though I couldn't participate in any way or even contact anyone there unless they had somehow provided an email address in their question or answer. I will not link to the service, but I will quote it. Someone named Lauren asked this question...

Ok.....complicated one, recently found out my husband and his younger sister had sex for a number of years between the ages of 10-12, this is what he's telling me tho I'm aware this may have more to it? We are a young couple married with two children (boys) my relationship with his family has never been great and this hasn't helped! Can anyone give me any advice or your thoughts on how you would deal with this news? I'm up and down and so confused.....

Questions like this come up more than people might think. Person A is dating or married to Person B and Person A suspects or has found out that Person B has been sexually involved with a sibling or other family member. Person A usually wants to know what they should do.

It is important to clarify the situation by determining the answers to some questions.

1) Is this something that is suspected or has it been confirmed?

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Monday, April 25, 2016

Some Basic Tips About Polyamory


Polyamorous people are diverse. We come from different socioeconomic backgrounds, have different affiliations when it comes to everything from religion to politics, and have varying lifestyles. About the only thing all polyamorous people have in common is that they are polyamorous and they are people.

There are also many, many different ways being polyamorous works out in a person's life. There are people who are most comfortable in, for example, a triad relationship in which each person is with the other two, living together and usually sleeping together, and that triad may be completely closed or one, two, or all three people might be looking for other partners. Or, someone may prefer being with just one partner, but understands and agrees that their partner has other partners.

With that in mind, let's see a write-up from Marty Patail at pdxmonthly.com that is headlined with "How do Do Polyamory, Successfully"...
Russell and Gina have been married since 2011. Both have other romantic partners also in polyamorous marriages. And those partners have other relationships. And so on.
Got it?
1. There’s no such thing as TMI. It’s all about communication. Not only do Gina and Russell make time for daily conversations, check-ins, and tell-alls, they are in constant contact via text or phone whenever they spend time with their other partners. Explains Russell: “It helps defuse things like jealousy and envy. It helps set expectations—when I’ll be leaving, when I’ll be coming back. It provides transparency.”
Actually, there can be TMI. It's up to the individuals involved. People an be like Gina or Russell, and might even want to discuss just about every detail of plans and then what actually ended up happening, but other people might not want to hear much of any of it.
4. Get to know your lovers’ lovers. Poly couples still get jealous. According to Gina, they deal with it by getting to know the other people in their partner’s lives. “The tendency is to build things up in your head. ‘I haven’t met you, so you must be way cuter, younger, smarter, sexier.’ It helps alleviate a lot of concerns if you get face to face.”
This can be very helpful, but it isn't how everyone wants it to be. As with the first point, some people prefer not to hear about it, some prefer not to talk about it with their other partner(s). Personally, I wouldn't want to be with someone I knew was with someone else and I could never meet that person. I don't want to be someone's cheating partner. That's not polyamory. Other people say "If my partner is cheating on someone, that's on them," and I agree to some extent, but for me, I'm most comfortable if I know the other partner(s) are aware and approving.
5. Never force it. Some think polyamory is a lifestyle; others think it’s a sexual orientation. (Russell is in the former camp, Gina in the latter.) Either way, Gina says, building a monogamous relationship with a someone who you hope will be open to polyamory later is a bad idea. “Having someone change who they are for you is not a good way to go.”
This is a common question for polyamorous people: "How soon do I discuss with someone I'm seeing that I'm polyamorous or looking for a polyamorous relationship?" If you've met through a polyamory group or through an online service where you indicated you're polyamorous, that's already taken care of. But if it is someone you met another way, it is a different matter. Generally, I say that someone shouldn't assume that someone who hasn't explicitly promised monogamy is being monogamous, nor should anyone who hasn't explicitly asked for monogamy expect it. However, monogamy is presented by much of our culture as the ideal and the norm. So, it is a good idea when the discussion comes up as to why you're dating (just for companionship? looking for a spouse? looking for a partner?), polyamory should be brought up. Example: "I'm polyamorous, and I'm looking for a permanent partner to eventually live with, hopefully for the rest of my life, who will accept and support that I will date others, and I will support that person if they want to date others."

It really helps if you know who you are, what you need, what you have to give, what your limits are, what is negotiable for you, and what is not.

Go read the rest of it.
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Myth: There is Only One Good Outcome to GSA

Reality: What is a good or the best outcome to a situation involving Genetic Sexual Attraction depends on the circumstances and the people involved.

Situations involving Genetic Sexual Attraction are varied. There have been people who’ve fallen in love, married, and had children before they’ve discovered their close genetic relation. There are situations where one person is experiencing GSA but nobody else is. There are situations in which one person involved is an abusive person. Sometimes people experiencing GSA had been happily committed to someone else in a closed relationship. Sometimes GSA involves people who are in dead marriages to others, raising children. Sometimes there is an adult in their thirties or forties and a teenager who is too young to legally consent and not independent.

Some people want to apply their religious rules or their personal prejudice against consanguinamory to say that that sexual affection is never good in a GSA situation.

This blog fully supports the rights of consenting adults to share in sexual affection, but we recognize that not every specific relationship is a healthy one.

For some, spending a lot of time together in-person is helpful. For others, keeping interaction limited is better.

For some, building a life going forward that involves socializing in the genetic roles (parent-adult child, siblings, etc.) works best. For others, it might be more of a friendship. For still others, it might be as lovers.

For a small number of people, the best outcome is keeping a distance or cutting off contact entirely.

For some people, it is best that their relationship not involve sex. For others, a relationship that includes sex for a limited amount of time is best. For still others, relationship that includes sex in perpetuity, such as a spousal relationship, is the best outcome. People should be able to seek the best outcome without the undue influence of bigotry.

There is no single, one-size-fits-all way to deal with GSA. In some relationships, getting sexual is the best the course of action. In others, it wouldn’t be a positive thing. This is one reason why it is critical that people experiencing GSA be allowed to get the assistance they need without criminalization or other forms of discrimination.

See Myth: GSA Causes Birth Defects or the Children Will Be Deformed

See Myth: Sex Will Always Ruin These Relationships Because a Person Needs a Nonsexual Relationship With Their Genetic Relative




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Sunday, April 24, 2016

Why Men Choose Polyandry

Ruth asked at a Big Internet Portal's question-and-answer service...
Why do men choose polyandry(a woman with multiple husbands)?
What's the appeal? Is their jealousy? How does sex work? Is it akward knowing that the other husband has had sex with your wife?I'd like to understand how polyandrous relationships work, especially from mens point of view. Could you handle your wife having another husband?

Why do men choose a monogamous marriage? Why do men choose not to marry at all? Why do some men choose a polygynous marriage, or a group marriage? It’s going to be different for different people, but you can find some common reasons that pop up frequently. It is a combination of needs and wants, including social, emotional, financial, sexual, etc.

A man may choose polyandry because he is bisexual, or because he enjoys seeing his wife with another man, or because his wife has a higher libido than he does, or for reasons that are entirely nonsexual.

You can see the very good Best Answer if you keep reading.
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Saturday, April 23, 2016

Kindred Spirits Returns

Jane has been working to bring back Kindred Spirits after service with the prior host was interrupted with no signs of being restored. See her blog posting with an announcement about a new version of Kindred Spirits.

Kindred Spirits is a forum for serious discussion of consanguinamorous relationships and similar affinity relationships. See this for more info.
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Myth: GSA Causes Birth Defects or the Children Will Be Deformed


Reality: If sex between people brought together through Genetic Sexual Attraction results in a birth, GSA does not cause birth defects in and of itself.

Most children born to close relatives are healthy. You know some, whether you know it or not and whether they know their own true parentage or not.

Birth defects can be the result of injury during pregnancy, substances ingested during pregnancy, environmental factors, or genetic problems. It is the last one that people tend to be thinking of, usually, when they repeat this myth. That’s because when both genetic parents carry the same genetic problem, it may be demonstrated in the children. However, this can happen with parents who aren’t closely related, too. A genetic problem may also result in a child if only one parent carries the genetic problem.

Many people who are brought together through GSA don't have children together, due to personal choices, or age, or surgery, or their genders, or some other condition, or even fear of the children being used as evidence in prosecution. See here for more extensive information about this topic.

See Myth: People Who Act on GSA Won’t Be Able to Have Normal Lives

See Myth: There is Only One Good Outcome to GSA
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Friday, April 22, 2016

Myth: People Who Act on GSA Won’t Be Able to Have Normal Lives


Reality: The only hindrance to having a “normal life” for those who continue together in a Genetic Sexual Attraction relationship is the bigotry of others.

Some who’ve been brought together through GSA lead perfectly "normal," even unusually good lives. This is more likely to be possible with the support of friends and family and will be even more likely with decriminalization of GSA and the arrival of full marriage equality.

Until then, many people in consanguinamorous relationships are somewhat closeted. There may be people you know who seem like the cutest couple, and may be great neighbors, who are actually people who were brought together by GSA.

Please help make it possible for more people who've been brought together through GSA lead "normal" lives.

See Myth: Only Defective People Experience GSA

See Myth: GSA Causes Birth Defects or the Children Will Be Deformed
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Thursday, April 21, 2016

Are You Experienced in Consanguinamory, or An Ally? Join the Network

There is a growing supportive network for people who are in, or have been in, consanguinamorous relationships, and their allies.


Despite how common these experiences and relationships are, people often feel alone, and sometimes they are very reluctant to reach out, or their lover or lovers do not want them to reach out for fear of persecution, prosecution, or some other negative result. However, there are many of us who would like to be in contact with you and will keep your confidence, as we've done for so many others, including these folks. So whether you have been involved, know someone who has, or are an ally who doesn't even know who around you has been involved, please reach out.

I will list other places and people below. If you want to get in contact with me, you can do so by writing me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com or contacting me on Facebook or on Twitter or on Tumblr.

We have a Public group on Facebook, I Support Full Marriage Equality, where you can find many friendly people even if you don't join the group, which is about ALL adult relationships.

Jane has a great blog and Tumblr and podcast. If you do nothing else and do not want to be in contact on an ongoing basis, please at least fill out Jane's survey.

The Final Manifesto blogspot is a great blog to bookmark and follow for general marriage equality issues, including those dealing with consanguinamory, and there's the related Tumblr, too.

Cristina has Consanguinamory Lily's Gardener and the related Tumblr, Consanguinamory, and this Wordpress blog.

This Tumblr is by a woman who met her half brother and experienced GSA.

Also on Tumblr is A Blog on Consanguinamory.

Another Consanguinamory blog is here and Supporting Consanguinamory is here.

A supportive Tumblr also called Consanguinamory is here.

Author Diane Rinella has written some remarkable novels dealing with this subject, and she's written many other good things, too. Here's her page on this subject.

Join Kindred Spirits, a free, supportive forum, for serious discussions of the issues surrounding consanguinamory.

So, bookmark, follow, join, and send messages as appropriate to join this network. You're not alone, and you can make a difference!

If I've missed your blog, forum, website, or other media or social media account that treats consanguinamorous people with respect, let me know.
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Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Myth: Only Defective People Experience GSA

Reality: The only thing that fills in the blank of  “Only ___ experience Genetic Sexual Attraction” is “introduced or reunited close genetic relatives.”

When someone says that only people who are [fill in the blank with whatever thing they think is an insult or pejorative] experiences Genetic Sexual Attraction, they are speaking out of prejudice and ignorance. They might dismiss all people who experience GSA as being lonely, desperate for attention, rebellious, immoral, hypersexed, promiscuous, lacking boundaries, weak, lacking self-control, ignorant, uneducated, freaks, losers, unattractive, or whatever.

It’s not true.

People who experience GSA come from every demographic in every part of the world. There are attractive, outgoing, popular, successful, wealthy, disciplined, educated people who’ve experienced GSA, many of whom have been or still are, sexually involved. Their sex lives may have been rather average or even conservative before GSA. People who’ve experienced GSA come from diverse racial, professional, financial, political, and religious backgrounds.

Nobody's perfect, and it is tempting for the ignorant to point to some shortcoming or something missing in the life of someone experience GSA and insist it is the reason the person is experiencing GSA or having a consanguinamorous relationship. Or, it can be temping to point out how someone is different than you and blame that. It just doesn't match up to reality.

Based on the diverse backgrounds and situations and characteristics of people who've experienced GSA, it is apparent that is not the result of anything being "wrong" with the person who experiences it.

See Myth: Acting on GSA is Wrong or Destructive

See Myth: People Who Act on GSA Won't Be Able to Have Normal Lives
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