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Saturday, November 17, 2018

Thanksgiving Time

This US national holiday always falls on the fourth Thursday of November.

Thanksgiving Day is a huge holiday in the US, centered mainly around a special family meal. In case you haven't noticed, Americans like to eat a lot. Since Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday, Friday is a holiday as well (at least as far as the government is concerned). Because Thanksgiving is considered to specifically be about family togetherness, it can be a painful time for those who have been rejected by their family because of their gender identity, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or choice in partner(s). Some LGBTQ people, polyamorous people, and those in consanguineousintergenerational, or interracial relationships are reminded every year that even their own family hates them.

Some people make the best of this and plan a Thanksgiving meal with friends. I throw out a special “good for you” to anyone who hosts such a meal this holiday. Keep up the good work. I think such gatherings are much more enjoyable anyway. If you don't have one to go to, consider hosting your own!

But I also have words for anyone who has driven away or banned someone in their family because of that other family member’s identity, orientation or partner(s): Shame on you. You don’t have to like your family member’s sexuality or how they live. But you should reach out to them and support them instead of driving them away. Every person at that table does things you don’t like. Why single out a family member for punishment because of who they love? If your family member has a partner whose family is more accepting, guess who is going to win? Guess who is going to get to play with any grandkids/nieces/nephews? Not you. Think about it. Maybe it isn't too late to make amends and have them over for this year's holiday. This might help.

If you can’t go “home” for Thanksgiving and you are feeling down and you haven’t managed to make plans with friends, consider hosting your own Thanksgiving and invite some friends. Or, volunteer at a homeless shelter or some other charity location that will be helping people that day. Don’t allow sadness or loneliness to take hold. You can find a place where you will be welcomed.

Do you have any special plans for this holiday week? Are you going to be coming out, or trying to start or rekindle something with someone special? You can comment (anonymously, if you'd like) below or write an email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.
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Thursday, November 15, 2018

How to Be An Ally To Consanguinamorous People You Know

This is about how to be an ally to someone you personally know who is in, or may be in, a consanguinamorous relationship, or any consensual relationship that is called incestuous. If you want to help consanguinamorous people in general, see this page.

The Short Answer:

A) Respect their boundaries. Do not out them or share their secrets, and do not press them for anything they don't want to share. ASSURE THEM YOU WON'T BETRAY THEM.

B) Be willing to listen.

C) Cover for them as necessary.


The Long Answer

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Wednesday, November 14, 2018

A Note From a Therapist

This was a comment left on the blog I wanted to highlight.
I am a psychotherapist who specializes in working with clients who struggle with "taboo" sexualized thoughts and behaviors. I'm currently working on research dealing with consensual familial intimate relationships. I offer online therapy as well as in-person and I accept most major insurance. I'm licensed in Georgia and Maryland. 
Keya Johnson, MSW, LCSW, CCTP, CSOTP 
therapist.keya@gmail.com

I communicated privately with this person and they do not discourage adults who are happily enjoying sexual relationships with other adults and everything along those lines stays private with them.

So please consider helping with the research, and if you need a therapist who won't automatically dismiss your relationships or desires, this may be someone for you.
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Monday, November 12, 2018

Marriage Doesn't Have to be Monogamous


More and more people are questioning whether the polygamous freedom to marry should continue to be denied anywhere. At the forum community.babycentre.co.uk, MonaVanderwaal asked...
Should marrying more than one person be allowed in the UK?
Yes!
At the moment it is a crime punishable for up to seven years in prison.
Do you think it is an outdated law?
It's a ridiculous and unjust law.
If three+ people could prove they are happy in the arrangement, would this change your mind?
Visibility is important, but this is a basic matter of freedom of association. People have a fundamental right to marry. Some people are polyamorous or otherwise want more than one spouse. If all are consenting adults, there's no good reason to deny them their rights. You don't need to be aware of the polyamorous people around you who are in happy, long-term relationships to understand that all adults should have their rights.

Let's look at a few of the responses.

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Saturday, November 10, 2018

An Open Letter To Those Bothered By Our Existence

Check it out at this blog's sister Tumblr.
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These Are Not Arguments

This has been added to our Discredited Arguments page, which you'll find to be very helpful in answering the usual arguments that are really flimsy attempts to justify prejudice.

NOT EVEN ARGUMENTS: 1) Labeling or describing something, even accurately, is NOT an argument. For example, saying "That's homosexuality!" does not make a claim as to why it shouldn't be allowed or why it should be discriminated against. 2) Stating an opinion, such as that something is "wrong" or "immoral" is not an argument, either. It indicates WHAT someone thinks, but not WHY. 3) Claiming to have made an accurate prediction that someone would want their rights, such as "I said this would happen!" isn't an argument. 4) Appealing to the very law in question, by saying "It's illegal!" isn't an argument (and, it isn't always true, either, depending on location.) The very thing being argued is whether something should be illegal or otherwise discriminated against.


Here's the full page.
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Friday, November 9, 2018

Living Consanguinamorously - Keeping the Closet Door Closed


Someone came to this blog recently searching...
How my aunt and I can hide our incestuous relationship
The answer below will apply to consanguinamorous relationships of any composition, not just aunts and nephews or aunts and nieces.

Unfortunately, people have been compelled to stay closeted due to prejudice and bigotry, sometimes enshrined in law. Whether someone has had to hide or downplay their gender identity, their sexual orientation or their "forbidden" relationship, the oppression is harmful in many ways, but some people just can't come out of the closet, at least not at a specific time in their life. In some places, it is literally a matter of life and death. Even for places where consanguinamory isn't criminalized, many people in these relationships have good reasons to hide them from at least some of the people around them. As a result, many people don't realize they know people who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

In a perfect world, people would be able to simply love other adults without such problems, but we're not there yet. Civil rights, including things like full marriage equality, are generally advancing, at least on most of the planet, but there is still a ways to go.

Much of the answer raised by the question in the search was answered in an earlier entry about how consanguineous lovers can live together, so check that out.

There's also this entry on how consanguineous lovers can avoid trouble.

I'll try to avoid repeating too much of what is in those entries.
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Thursday, November 8, 2018

New to This Blog or Looking to Find Out More?

We support the rights of an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any other union offered by law), and any of those things without the others, with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. These are basic human rights and it shouldn't matter who is disgusted by the relationships of other adults or who doesn't understand why the adults would want to be together.

If you're viewing the desktop/laptop version, you'll see that over there in the column on the right you can find ways to connect and to follow this blog, and at the top of the page are tabs with drop-downs of some important pages, entries, and links. If you're viewing a mobile version, many of the links are below.

You are welcomed and affirmed here regardless of your gender, sexuality, or relationship diversities, and whether you are looking for more information, are in the closet or out about your gender, sexual orientation, or relationship, or want to be an ally. Are you here because of polyamory or polygamy? Perhaps you're here because this blog covers Genetic Sexual Attraction or consanguinamory (consensual incest) or because you think or know your partner has been involved? Do you need help? Whether you're a family member or friend who is looking for more information, or a journalist, or are someone who is looking to help the cause, we hope you are helped by what is here.

There's an About This Blog page, and you can read about the triad who originally inspired this blog.

There's a Glossary so that you can become familiar with terms frequently used here.

We explain why we need solidarity in supporting full marriage equality and we debunk all the arguments that you'll ever hear made against equality, so if you're against equal rights, please carefully read through that page.

On the Case Studies page we feature interviews with people who have been denied their rights, so you can "meet" people who are, or have been, in consensual loving relationships who have are harmed by the lack of equality under the law.

This blog is a labor of love. There's no advertising and we don't accept monetary contributions. Want to help? Spread the word. If you are a lawyer, attorney, or someone who works with a legal group or law firm, we'd like to hear from you if you are supportive. Also, this blog DOES accept content submissions (Keith can be contacted at... fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com), but makes no offer, implicit nor explicit, of compensation nor guarantees that it will be used. If you want to tell your story, that would be very helpful to others!

Tell us what you think by commenting or by contacting us.

Join our Facebook group "I Support Full Marriage Equality."

Keith wants to be friends with all who support full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults. Be Facebook friends with Keith.

Follow the Twitter account for this blog.

Follow the Tumblr blog for Full Marriage Equality

The Final Manifesto is another excellent blog.

If you don't want to connect, still feel free to send Keith a note at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

Myths about Genetic Sexual Attraction
Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory
Bad Reasons to Deny Love
Ten Reasons Why Consensual Incest is Wrong (Sarcastic) 



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Tuesday, November 6, 2018

For Consanguinamorists Considering Parenting

At this blog's sister Tumblr, I was asked anonymously about the health children from consanguineous parents, why there is a taboo about this, and what advice I have for a mother and son having a baby.  My answers, which I'm cross-posting here, mostly apply to any consanguinamorous parents.
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Monday, November 5, 2018

We Will Win

It's very sad when we see reports, either personal and private or in the news media, of lovers facing persecution and prosecution for the "crime" of being closely related adults. The same "crime" can mean having their children taken from them. The ignorant and mean-spirited jokes and harassment are bad enough. Having your own government discriminate against you and treat you like a criminal because of sexual affection and love is outrageous. Still, lovers in the US and similar countries are better off than those in places on the planet where they could be executed.

The good news, though, is that we're making progress, the laws will be changed and we're going to win, and in the meantime, it is heartwarming to know that the overwhelming majority of people enjoying consanguinamorous relationships are never criminally prosecuted. While the mere existence of the discriminatory laws against consensual  adult relationships is a problem, it is a wonderful thing that most consanguineous lovers are never charged under the "incest" laws.

Whether you're an ally or a bigoted hater, like it or not, not far from where you are right now, is the passion and bliss of consanguinamory, with lovers sharing affection, and there's nothing that can be done to stop them. People of all genders, orientations, races, and classes are loving their close relative(s), snuggling up together, holding hands, kissing, having intercourse, expressing their care for each other in countless ways.

And no hater can stop them.

You have neighbors, friends, maybe someone in your family, co-workers, classmates, maybe a performing artist you admire, maybe your doctor, maybe your accountant, maybe the paramedic who helped you, maybe your bus driver, maybe one of your educators or students, who have experience with consanguinamory. They might still be involved.

And it is highly unlikely any hater will stop them.

Some of them may never come out to you. Some of them may never come out to anyone. It's their choice. Just like their sex life and relationships. Some will keep living happily as they have.
But the laws will be replaced by equality, and the prejudices will be rightly discarded to the ash heap of history. We're going to make that happen sooner rather than later, because there's no good reason to deny relationship rights to all consenting adults.

We will win!
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What About Donor-Conceived People Getting Together?


The National Infertility and Adoption Education Organization has a Question and Answer about “Accidental Incest between Donor Conceived People.”
Q: How worried should I be about inadvertent partnering of two donor conceived half siblings from the same donor?
The main worry is an artificial one... undue criminalization of such relationships.

From their answer...
While the fear is understandable, many professionals believe the fear is not well founded. For example, we asked this question to Ole Schou, founder and CEO of Cryos International sperm banks, who has researched and spoke to professional groups on this issues. [Note that he is not a native English speaker.]

“There is no reason to be concerned about accidental incest between donor conceived children/adults. The risk is extremely low. Professionals call the risk consanguinity or inbreeding. It is also described as incest. However, this word is surrounded by many taboos and connected to something morally wrong, and is not the best word to use in this situation.
I agree.
The concern is for the increase in recessive DNA disorders in children where the parents DNA are too closely matched. Remember that all humans have plenty of these recessive genes (C.J. Bell 2011).

However, the risk may only be increased some few percentage in comparison to normal procreation. So this is not much. It is more a problem if it continues generation after generation.
That is what we’ve been saying.
This is not relevant for donors as it is only a one generation issue.

Further, the risk that two half siblings from the same donor meet each other is generally very little if the sperm bank distribute internationally or worldwide.
It might be tempting for someone working for a sperm bank to claim that if a donor-conceived person walks into a room with 100 people in it, one conceived from the same donor, and chooses one person to approach, there is only a 1% chance it will be their half-sibling (if we’re talking egg or sperm donation, full sibling if we’re talking donated embryos). However, there odds are probably going to be much higher because of the shared genes. That is one reason Genetic Sexual Attraction happens. Sharing genes can cause people to be strongly attracted to each other. This is going to happen more and more as more and more people, for reasons including donation as well as many other reasons, are raised apart from close genetic relatives.

Donors are often screened for genetic problems, so that is a plus for avoiding problems.

Anyway, it is interesting to see what they had to say about risks to children born of consanguineous parents.

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Saturday, November 3, 2018

What Genealogists Know

With each previous generation you trace back, the maximum possible number of your genetic ancestors doubles. You can have 2 parents, up to 4 grandparents, up to 8 great-grandparents, up to 16 great-great-grandparents, etc.

On average, there are about four generations per century. For people born in the year 2000, their 8 great-great-grandparents were probably born around 1900. Sometime around 1800 their great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparents were born (there may be up to 128 of them). About 29 generations back, or roughly around the time of 1250-1300, the total number of your possible ancestors for that generation equals or exceeds the total population of the planet, which was about 500 million people.

What gives? Well, first of all, if all 500 million of those people were your ancestors, they would also be the ancestors of all of the rest of us, too.

Secondly, you probably don’t have every person alive back then as your ancestor. There wasn’t a lot of interracial or intercultural parenting going on back then. People were more isolated, more people lived in rural countrysides rather than dense urban areas, and people were not nearly as geographically or socially mobile as they are today. It was very common for a person to be born in and to die in the the same village or town, having lived all of her or his life there.

This means that for many, many, many, many generations, there was a lot of what most people would call today “inbreeding.” If your spouse wasn’t your first cousin, your spouse was likely a second or third cousin, or a second cousin-once removed, or even your double-cousin, etc. And as I’ve noted before, even if they weren’t marrying them, people were having children with siblings, aunts or uncles, etc. (Even if not having children together, what do you think went on, given that pubescent teens, like most children, were usually sharing a bedroom?) Not only did these things not destroy humanity, but in Europe, the Renaissance was birthed in these conditions.

Coming back to around 1800, very few people are likely to have 128 great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparents, just like very few of those people in 1800 had 128 of them in 1600. Because chances are, some of your recent ancestors were cousins, if not closer. If you marry your first cousin, you have no more than six genetic grandparents between you, instead of eight. If your parents are first cousins, you have six great-grandparents instead of eight.

If “inbreeding” was as detrimental as common misconception says, none of us would be here.

 
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