Wednesday, April 1, 2015

A Quick, Positive Explanation of Ethical Nonmonogamy

At we get an "Ode to Polyamory" by Magdalene Bedi...
The standard expectation for relationships in America is a rigid cycle of dating, commitment, monogamy, and marriage. Deviation is considered abnormal and pitiable (such as the single spinster/cat lady trope).
Yes, that may be the expectation, but how many of the supposedly monogamous relationship are actually monogamous?
A choice separate from monogamy is thought to be unhealthy or a sign of irresponsibility, which leads many to actively seek out marriage and commitment even if they otherwise wouldn’t (a possible contributing factor to divorce rates).
Many people have felt pressured into promise monogamy when they really had no business doing so. But let's note that marriage and commitment are not actually the same as monogamy. You can have both of those things without monogamy.
What many don’t realize is that polyamory isn’t restricted to a man with multiple wives or girlfriends. It can be a single person in four different relationships, three people in a relationship with each other, etc. and it’s not restricted to specific genders or gender roles.
Right. Polyamorous relationships are very, very diverse in both structure and how they've lived out.
Polyamory, which can be defined as “the state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time,” can be just as emotionally fulfilling as a standard, monogamous relationship. So can open relationships, which generally entail only one romantic relationship but multiple sexual relationships.
I'm so glad that polyamory and open relationships were not equated. Some polyamorous relationships are closed, some are open. Many people in open relationships are committed to social and legal monogamy and would not describe themselves as polyamorists.

Generally, it is very good general, surface explanation that there are ethical alternatives to monogamy. It is good to see more and more articles like this. Increasing awareness is very important to reaching full marriage equality.
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Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Why Men Choose Polyandry

Ruth asked at a Big Internet Portal's question-and-answer service...
Why do men choose polyandry(a woman with multiple husbands)?
What's the appeal? Is their jealousy? How does sex work? Is it akward knowing that the other husband has had sex with your wife?I'd like to understand how polyandrous relationships work, especially from mens point of view. Could you handle your wife having another husband?

Why do men choose a monogamous marriage? Why do men choose not to marry at all? Why do some men choose a polygynous marriage, or a group marriage? It’s going to be different for different people, but you can find some common reasons that pop up frequently. It is a combination of needs and wants, including social, emotional, financial, sexual, etc.

A man may choose polyandry because he is bisexual, or because he enjoys seeing his wife with another man, or because his wife has a higher libido than he does, or for reasons that are entirely nonsexual.

You can see the very good Best Answer if you keep reading.
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Monday, March 30, 2015

We Get Letters of Appreciation

Here's a letter that came in via email from a young woman who found this blog on her own. I had already been in contact with her lover for a while. Both women, from what I can tell, have experienced  Genetic Sexual Attraction.

I would really just like to thank you for the wonderful support you offer with your blog. The past few weeks I've been scrolling through it as often as possible, reading story upon story, interview upon interview of people just like [name redacted] and I. I find it very comforting. The fact that she is my aunt doesn't frighten me anymore.

I don't think I ever admitted it to her, but being related somewhat made me scared for myself before. Experiencing GSA, I think, is both a blessing and a curse in some ways. The reality I choose to focus on is that I have my love, [name redacted], and that we share a bond that is so wonderfully strong that neither of us can fully explain it to anyone who truly knows about us. That is what matters the most in my heart. We've given up too much for one another in order for this to work to consider anything else to be a reason not to love one another and be together.

However, in the back of my mind I feel sad sometimes knowing that I have to lie to my father if I want him to love me. I know he would disown me/do everything in his power to make this miserable for me/try to get us into trouble with the law if I told him. My relationship with my father hasn't ever been super strong, but we're finally on speaking terms and he's making an effort to show me he loves me. In some ways, I feel like I am betraying his trust because I am lying to him so often. I'm afraid to even tell him I am gay. The fact that I am in love with my half-aunt has to stay secret for the rest of my life. I feel sad in my heart that we can't share the amazing truth of our love for each other with our friends for fear that they will judge us without ever truly understanding.

Other than [name redacted], there aren't a lot of people I can trust and talk to openly about my feelings. You may be just a faceless name on the Internet, but reading your blog has helped me feel like maybe someday [she] and I will be allowed to freely and openly love one another without limitation or fear of judgement. Someday there will be no reason for the fears in my heart, because there will be no reason to fear. I hope that day comes soon. Someday I hope [she] and I can openly tell the world the story of our love and how beautiful it was: how we met, how we fell in love--how I loved her without even knowing it, and how she loved me before I knew she did--the hard times, the good times, and the reason all of the trouble was worth it in the end.

No one will ever love me or understand me the way she does. The level of trust we have for one another is immeasurable--if we ever lose the romance in our relationship, we both trust we can remain supportive and friendly and close, because we are related. She is my aunt. I will always love her no matter what happens to us. I can talk to her about anything in the world and I know that she will listen and she will trust me to listen to her.

I'm incredibly glad she found your blog all those years ago and became comfortable enough with her attraction to me to be patient enough to wait for me to realize I loved her back. If it hadn't been for you, I'm not sure she and I would be in the wonderful place we are now. Thank you. 

People like her are the reason this blog exists. We don't ask for money, we don't accept advertising. This blog is a labor of love. We're here to help people. We're here to help people enjoy their love, we're here to help people understand that their friends and family and neighbors deserve their rights. I know some people who visit this blog and are helped never comment or write, and that's fine. But if you'd like to write us (be assured I won't violate your privacy or trust), you can do so at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com.
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Sunday, March 29, 2015

Aunts and Nephews

More days than not, someone finds this blog by doing a search on something like...

incest, aunt nephew, how common
Is it incest to have sex with your aunt
Do aunts and nephews have sex
I’m in love with my aunt
Can an aunt marry her nephew

You get the idea. People are searching for information on aunts and nephews having a romantic or erotic connection or marrying. At least some of them are very likely to be aunts who are having sex or want to have sex with a nephew and vice-versa. It is a not-so-distant runner-up to searches about siblings having sex or marrying. Keep in mind that much of this entry also applies to aunts and nieces, and to uncles and nieces and uncles and nephews.

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Saturday, March 28, 2015

Consanguinamory is Not Sick

As this blog and others have repeatedly shown, there is no good reason to keep laws, discrimination, or stigmas against consanguinamory (consanguineous or consensual incest sex or relationships) that is consistently applied to other relationships. One of the grasping-at-straws assertions that one might make when all of their justifications for denying rights fails is "people who do that are sick" or "those relationships are dysfunctional."

Before we do anything else, let's make it clear that we're talking about consensual sex and relationships, not abuse. It's not fair to point to abuse, assault, child molestation, etc. by a close relative as an example of how "incest" is "sick".

Alleging psychological problems or mental illness is something best left to mental health professionals, such as a psychiatrist (a medical doctor) or a psychologist. The opinion of someone without such credentials and some experience should be suspect. So, if someone makes the claim that we should criminalize or otherwise discriminate against consanguinamory because the behavior is based on mental illness, they should be asked 1) for their credentials; 2) if they have personally conducted an evaluation of the individuals involved and the dynamics of their relationship, and; 3) if all relationships they personally think are based on mental illness should be likewise criminalized or discriminated against. Usually, calling consanguinamory "sick" is just a thinly veiled variation on Discredited Arguments #1 and 3.

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Discussing Consanguinamory

Consanguinamorous relationships are often ignorantly dismissed as dysfunctional, sick, or abusive, and sometimes the "incest" discussions found at porn sites do little to dispel that impression. However, and Kindred Spirits forum, which is NOT a porn forum, the discussions are sincere and reflect how real, beautiful, and in many ways, "normal" consanguinamorous relationships can be.

For example, here's a woman describing her relationship that was initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction...
For [us] the most important things are the respect that we have for each other and remembering to always listen. [He] is my best friend, my partner and my lover. We have often wondered if the reason the sex is so good was because of the brother/sister element. We decided that we just fit together perfectly for what ever reason. Being non judgemental of each others desires and taking time to learn about what we both need.
He walks in the door after work and we are both just happy to be in each others company again especially knowing that we would give almost everything up to protect what we have.
Why would anyone want to kill such love? Why should they have to hide? Why shouldn't they be free to be open about their love and, if they want, to marry? There's no good reason.

If you want to discuss consanguinamory (consensual incest), I know of no better forum than Kindred Spirits, which is free. But if you join, be sure to immediately read and follow all of the rules, or you'll be kicked right off. If you are a Friend of Lily, it can be very helpful to join with others to discuss life in general, as well as the love you have or had.

At their site, this is the icon for Frequently Asked Questions...

This is the icon you use to register.

 And this is the icon you click to sign in.

There's a lot of activity there these days, so if you want to join in on the fun and learn something and help others as well as yourself, check it out!
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Thursday, March 26, 2015

Two Women Still Denied Their Right to Marry

If my recollection is correct, this is the 43rd ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The lovers interviewed below are clearly thoughtful, intelligent and deeply in love. They should be free to decide for themselves if they want to be together, with our without marriage. Yet they face discrimination and prejudice for their love, and must hide the truth from many people. They aren't hurting anyone; why should they have to hide their love and be denied their rights?

Read the interview below and see for yourself what they have to say. You may think their relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it incredibly sexy, but either way, should they be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?

And yes, they chose to use the names "Bean" and "Tortilla" to protect themselves.

As you'll see, Genetic Sexual Attraction can be extremely intense. BE WARNED that the discussion gets somewhat explicit.


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Bean: I am a female artist in my mid-20s, who grew up in the conservative west.

Tortilla: I was born in a conservative western state, and now live in a more liberal coastal state. I am ten years older than Bean. I actually went to law school, so it’s ironic to me to be a lawyer who is breaking the law with her relationship.

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Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Why? Many of the Same Reasons Anyone Else Does It

Vicky Wireko wrote at under "Reality Zone: Why would a father sleep with his biological daughter?"

Without yet getting to the text of the piece, the terms need to be defined. By "sleep," she no doubt means intercourse. But is she referring to rape or is she referring to consensual sex?  Rape and lovemaking are two different things. Rape should always be illegal. Lovemaking should never be illegal. But "biological daughter" can mean a woman the father didn't meet or didn't have a relationship with until she was an adult, or at least hasn't had a relationship with since an early age. Consanguinamory initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction has a different dynamic than consanguinamory growing from an existing sociological relationship.

Why would a father make love with his biological daughter? I'm talking about CONSENT ADULTS here.

For many of the the same reasons a man would have sex with any woman:

He's a heterosexual male and she's a receptive or initiating female he finds attractive.

They love each other.

It feels good and is fun. This is especially true when it comes to consanguinamory.

To bond.

To express love.

To have children.

Some of them have been brought together through Genetic Sexual Attraction, some of them haven't.

There are many reasons, but they shouldn't need to justify it to anyone else. Why is ultimately theirs to share, not anyone else's business. Perhaps a better question is why wouldn't/shouldn't he? Sex is not a bad thing. Those who think it is are probably doing it wrong.

What did Wireko have to say? Let's see...

Everything is certainly wrong with a father sleeping with his blood daughter.
 Does she give a reason?
It is repugnant apart from the fact that it is a taboo in our custom.
Ah, Discredited Arguments #1 and 2.

However, when a father’s love for his daughter straddles beyond parental love veering off to lust, to the extent of sexual abuse, it becomes horrendous.
Abuse and lovemaking are two different things. She goes on to write about abuse, without giving a good reason as to why consenting adults shouldn't be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage. Don't like it? Don't do it. But there ARE adult women in loving spousal-type relationships with their biological fathers, despite what prejudiced bigots think.

Please also see Intergenerational Relationships Can Work 

why would a woman sleep with her father why would a father and daughter have sex why would a parent have sex with an adult child why would a woman have sex with her father
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Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Updating Oregon's Unjust Prosecution of Consenting Adults

It's important to update readers on a Genetic Sexual Attraction case out of Oregon this blogged last covered a couple of months back. Here's a report from from January 9...
A 49-year-old man and his 25-year-old daughter face incest charges, accused of conceiving two children together.

Springfield Police arrested Eric Gates and Chelsea Moody.

Their kids, both under 2 years old, were taken into state custody.

"There's issues with the children and they've been put into foster care," said Sgt. Dave Lewis with Springfield Police. "It's not a good situation all around."
You what is a big issue with kids? When you take their parents away. Is there any evidence that these children wouldn't have had these problems with a different mother or with a different father? We're never given any statement clarifying. The insinuation is made anyway.

Then Chelsea Gorrow reported at on January 17...

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Facebook and Twitter and More

Have you joined the Facebook group yet? Join "I Support Full Marriage Equality."

You should also like this page, Full Marriage Equality, and we meant that.

Are we Facebook friends? I want to be friends with all who support full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults. Here I am.

Are we connected on Twitter? Here I am.

Are we connected on Tumblr? Here I am.

If you don't want to connect, still feel free to send me a note. I can be reached at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com

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Monday, March 23, 2015

Pronouncing Yourself Polyamorous

Elisabeth A. Sheff, Ph.D., has a couple of especially helpful editions of The Polymorists Next Door at about coming out as polyamorous.

From the first one
Is it relevant, necessary, and safe to come out to this person or in this situation? It is ok for relationships to remain private, and disclosed only on a need-to-know basis.  If your status as a polyamorous person/someone in a polyamorous relationship is both relevant and important to the relationship, then it makes sense to come out. If it is only slightly relevant or (especially) dangerous, then it is best to keep quiet about such a potentially risky topic.
When it comes to extended family, neighbors, etc, it can sometimes be best to let people figure it out for themselves. Coming out in those cases is more like simply not hiding. Sometimes, things are better left unsaid with some people. They're willing not to give you are hard time as long as you don't bring the subject up with them.
Co-Workers: Less is more. Be certain that it is both relevant and safe to disclose intimate details of your life to this person.
The last thing a polyamorous person needs at the office is to be accused of sexual harassment for simply describing their relationship, or to be accused of being someone who is undisciplined or unable to commit, which are false charges hurled at poly people all of the time.

Click through to read about how to handle friends, family of origin, in-laws, and children.
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