Writer of Into My Arms Interviewed

I mentioned the novel Into My Arms previously on this blog. The author, Kylie Ladd, was interviewed for a broadcast in Australia. You can listen to it or download it. Ladd is an egg donor, and she talks at length about that.

Kylie's latest novel deals with one of our deepest taboos: sexual attraction between blood relatives.

It's an idea that has come from the phenomenon of 'genetic sexual attraction', which suggests long-lost siblings, who first meet as adults, have a very high possibility of being sexually attracted to each other.

I want to clarify that Genetic Sexual Attraction can happen not only between siblings, but between parents and their adult children, and between aunts/uncles and nieces/nephews. I'm glad that the subject was mentioned on the program.

You'll Shoot Your Eye Out

Or perhaps pluck them out? Actually, while Oedipus Rex is famous ancient theatre that includes what today might be described as mother-son Genetic Sexual Attraction, I haven't heard of anyone in modern times having this reaction. But then, the guy did kill his own father, and maybe that had something to do with it? Chris Boyd reviews a theatrical production that is another take on this ancient tale and the review can be found at theaustralian.com...

Anne-Louise Sarks and Benedict Hardie in By Their Own Hands. Picture: Pia Johnson 

THEATRE
By Their Own Hands
By Benedict Hardie and Anne-Louise Sarks.
The Hayloft Project, Melbourne Theatre Company Southbank Theatre, The Lawler, June 14.

THE Hayloft Project's take on the Oedipus story obsesses over the nuts and bolts of the incestuous relationship with the same kind of lurid curiosity that the Learning Channel showed to "extreme cougar wives" and their three, four and five-decade-younger lovers.
Like last year'sOn the Misconception of Oedipus this play fingers incest as if it were a bruise, as if there were things to be gleaned from re-experiencing the pain. Implicitly, mother on son incest is "nicer", apparently, than father on daughter.

Hmm. If anyone reading this blog sees it, please report back.

Tickets $25. Bookings: mtc.com.au or (03) 8688 0800. Ends June 23.

I realize this is based on a classic work, but I'd like to see more neutral or positive portrayals of relationships that exist today and always have.

Happy Father’s Day

For all men raising or helping to raise a child, whether you are a biological father, presumed father, grandfather, stepfather, bonus father, adoptive father, foster father or any variation… Happy Father’s Day!

A special thanks to fathers who have supported and loved their children who are LGBT, polyamorous, consanguinamorous, or have otherwise faced persecution or oppression because of who they are or the person(s) they love.

Finally, a note of encouragement to all fathers who can’t legally marry the person(s) they love, but would if they could, or who face bullying due to love or who they are: We will win so that every adult can pursue love, sex, and marriage with any consenting adults.

Oh, and if you have an especially interesting Father's Day, tell us about it.

Frequently Asked Question: Is This Incest?

One frequently asked question is whether dating this person would be incest, or if doing this activity with a close relative is incest. The question is posed in different ways…

Is this incest?
Is it incest to date my in-law?
Is it incest to date my adopted sister?
Is it incest to date my adopted brother?
Is it incest to date my stepbrother?
Is it incest to date my stepsister?
Is it incest to date my uncle?
Is it incest to date my aunt?
Is it incest to date my cousin?
Is it incest to kiss my brother?
Is it incest to kiss my sister?
It it incest if my sibling and I have masturbated in front of each other?

The subtext is usually, “Is it wrong?”

First of all, regardless of laws, I see nothing wrong with any kind of physical affection, contact, or companionship between any consenting adults or minors who are close in age, as long as existing vows to others are not being violated. This includes dating, literally sleeping together, seeing each other nude, hand-holding, hugging, kissing (of any sort,) contact with genitals, intercourse, living together, marrying, etc. If these people are right for each other and want this with each other, then it shouldn’t be anyone else’s place to object.

As I always point out, I’m writing about consensual experimentation, exploration, affection, making out, sex, love, dating, partnering, living together, and marriage. I’m not talking about assault, molestation, abuse, or coercion. If someone forces themselves on you, that is wrong regardless of their relation to you.

What is incest? That depends on who you ask. The current definition at Wikipedia is…

An Eloquent Defense of Polyamory

Poly Momma is a blog about someone’s experience with motherhood and polyamory. At the page “Who is PolyMomma?”, she writes…

I’m married to a wonderful man and we practice responsible non-monogamy. We’ve been together for over three years and we have always been open. He’s been with his secondary partner for two years now. We all practice open, honest communication.

In November, 2009 I had my first baby, a boy. He’s the best, cutest baby in the world and I want to be the best mother I can be for him.

Later…

We’re not swingers, our secondary relationships are often committments, real, meaningful relationships that exist on their own. We don’t restrict each other sexually, but we do have rules we try to respect.

We’re also not looking outside our marriage because we’re unhappy in our marriage. But we are happy in our marriage because we look outside it. We probably wouldn’t have gotten married if we didn’t have an open relationship. It’s something we share and it’s part of our mutual trust and respect for each other.

It was this entry by noblecaboose, a letter to her future employer, that caught my attention. She plans on teaching, but does not plan to be out. She writes the letter as though she has been outed against her will.

I make every effort keep my personal life separate from my work life. My activism and activity online is always under a pseudonym and while I am an activist for my lifestyle and other issues, I do not intend to allow that to enter the classroom. I am here to do a job, and espousing my lifestyle, religion and other beliefs do not enter into that.

The truth is, my love life is not much different from a single person’s. If I were a single person, nobody would be surprised to find me dating someone or if I had a series of relationships. Similarly, if I were divorced, nobody would think it odd that I had a boyfriend but still had contact with my husband and custody of my child. The difference is my relationships are concurrent.

That is a very good point. Teachers should not be discriminated against for being married to one person in a heterosexual marriage and being monogamous, or for sharing an occasional lover with the spouse, or for being unmarried and dating, or for being married to someone of the same sex, or for being in a polyamorous polycule, or for abstaining from sex, dating, and marriage entirely. The question is, can the person teach?

I should emphasise that my relationships are not about sex. Furthermore, I am not a sex addict or a sexual predator and what goes on between consenting adults is none of the school’s business.

She’s right. It isn’t.

Read it all.

If you were a Principal or Superintendent over a school and one of your best teachers was outed a polyamorous with other teachers or with parents and students expressing concern, how would you handle it? If you had a child in that teacher's class, and other parents wanted you to join them in calling for the teacher's removal, what would you say? You may have to live this out in real life. Poly people are everywhere, and it is harder and harder to keep personal lives private.

Facebook and Twitter

Have you joined the Facebook group yet? Join "I Support Full Marriage Equality."

Are we Facebook friends? I want to be friends with all who support full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults. Here I am.

Are we connected on Twitter? Here I am.

If you don't want to connect, still feel free to send me a note. I can be reached at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com

You can also follow this blog by scrolling down in the column on the right and clicking on "Join This Site" under "Followers."

Those With Consanguinamory Experience Sought for Student Research

This add was placed on the Ann Arbor craigslist.org site...

research4science@yahoo.com

Posted: 2013-05-19, 8:12AM EDT

Consensual Incest? (U of M Campus)

Have you ever participated in consensual incestious lust/love with a close relative? Close relatives include father, mother, brother, sister, cousins, aunt, uncle, or grandparents. If so then here is your chance to tell your story and to let the world know that this happens at a much larger scale that is known. Everything will be anonymous and no names will be distribute. If you are wondering why I am so interested in this is due to the fact that I am conducting research on this project and will present my findings to my peers and professor. I am a current senior at the University of Michigan and I figured that I would try to obtain willing volunteers to discuss this topic in a safe environment to help educate our society of a very taboo topic that not too long ago was not. If you wouldn't mind helping me out anonymously then you can email me through this site and we can make plans to meet this week. Just so that my findings are accurate, I would need to meet with each willing participant in person and ask the questions with a recorder. You will be able to let me know what you feel comfortable being recorded and what you don't. So if this at all seems interesting to you, please contact me as soon as possible. I would like to be done with this part of my research by the end of this coming up week. This is all to educate the public.

• Location: U of M Campus
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• it's OK to distribute this charitable volunteerism opportunity for inclusion in 3rd party web sites that have been approved by craigslist

Posting ID: 3814796260

Well, there you have it. If any of you want to help, go for it.

Will Anyone Be Able to View Moebius?

Incest has been a topic for all of human history in the stories we tell each other, because incest has always been a part of life. The word "incest" can apply to the ugly reality of assault and molestation or to the beautiful reality of consensual sex (consanguinamory). These days, consanguineous sex between consenting adults is often portrayed as something only troubled, disturbed people would do. Which of these is going on in Kim Ki-duk's movie "Moebius" I can't be sure, but it might be closest to the latter. According to Pierce Conran at twitchfilm.com, the Korea Media Ratings Board has a problem with the movie.

In a letter sent to the KMRB, Kim stated that the mother-son incest element of the film (which he believes is the cause of the agency's restrictive ruling) is a necessary element to his story. He further explained that when taken in context of the overall narrative, this deviant relationship takes on a different meaning. Kim wrote that the inclusion of the scenes was 'an inevitable choice' for him. If the film fails to secure a more lenient rating, Kim said he will reimburse cast and crew out of his own pocket.

Over at dramafever.com, Rhino reported...

On the reevaluation request, the director summarized the movie as the story in which “The jealousy and anger of the couple who lost faith are passed on to their son, making everyone live in guilt and sorrow, which eventually leads to giving up of pleasure and desire.” I know this summary doesn’t help much, and one would have to watch the movie to get what he’s saying.

The director also added that, “Even though physically, the son’s body is used, if you watch the movie carefully, the meaning is different … it’s an important tool which was inevitable to express the concept.”

Without arguing whether or not a ratings board should be able to effectively censor a movie, I'll just offer that I would be disturbed by assault or child molestation being depicted as positive. It should be depicted, and depicted as negative. It shouldn't be swept under the rug and ignored. Of course, I also support the depiction of consensual sex between adults in a positive light in general, and that includes consanguinamory. Yes, sometimes consensual sex happens for bad reasons or between people who aren't right for each other or it is unsatisfying, but it is dishonest for consanguinamory to never be depicted as a good thing. It shouldn't have to be a bad thing or done by disturbed characters within the context of a story for a depiction to be allowed.

France Needs to Keep Evolving

Here's an example of why France, which recently embraced the limited same-gender freedom to marry, needs to evolve to full marriage equality sooner rather than later.

Two adults, in the 40s, are being denied their right to marry.

Why?

Because many years ago, she was married to his father.

It doesn't matter that the hopeful groom was well into adulthood when she married his father.

It doesn't matter that the marriage only lasted three years.

It doesn't matter that she was left by that husband.

It doesn't matter that they are close in age.

The ridiculous laws say she is a stepmother to him, that such a relationship means they are to be denied their right to marry, and even the President can't do anything about it until the law is changed.

France has been friendly to consanguinamory, but when it comes to marriage, even though there is no blood relation, the discrimination continues.

As the law stands now, this couple can only marry if the hopeful groom's father dies/

How stupid is that?

Liberty? Equality? Hardly!

Lawmakers in France and just about every other country need to remedy the inequalities and inconsistencies sooner rather than later. It is simple, really. Rather than quibbling over which adults get which rights, just adopt a blanket approach: an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

By the way, the article gives no indication of what the hopeful groom's father thinks of all of this. At some time, he wanted this woman. Why is it surprising his son wants her now?

Update on Veto Situation

The hopeful bride-to-be has updated me on the situation I blogged about here.

She received a latter from someone in authority of the facility where the intended groom is held. That person with veto power will making a decision soon. In the mean time, the lovers who want to marry can submit things like:

• evidence that they have lived together (what if they don't want to do that until they marry?)
• letters of supprt from members of both immediate families expressing support for the union (really? other people in your family have to approve?)
• statements from both lovers of intent to get premarital counseling (generally a good idea, but required?)
• official documents and informal personal statements about the bride-to-be's criminal record (again, it was the "crime" of loving another consenting adult, so it sounds like they want her to say her relationship was all wrong and she deserved her criminal sentence)
• a plan about how any children, theirs or otherwise, will be protected from the groom-to-be (the implication being a woman who has no kids and hates having kids around would be more likely to pass this test)

The implication is that if they do these things, they might be allowed to marry. This is despite the fact that if the groom-to-be was not incarcerated, nobody would look into criminal records or require passing any of these other tests. The bride-to-be is now asked to submit paperwork as though she is asking for parole, despite the fact that she finished her sentence years ago.

What is the harm of letting them marry?

If you're free to marry the person you love, realize how fortunate you are that nobody else can have a veto over your marriage, because so many people in the world, even in supposedly modern countries, aren't allowed their rights.

Thin Walls Reveal Consanguinamory

Supporters of full marriage equality can help the cause by speaking up for relationship rights for all when the opportunities present themselves. One place where such opportunities can happen is in discussion forums. For example, I found this thread in the forum at womens-health.com. LisaW1991 got things kicked off by writing...

I live in an appartment next door to nice guy who's going to college. He has lived there for almost a year. Friendly guy who is single. He doesn't appear to have steady GF, but he does bring home girls occasionally and has sex. The walls are pretty thin, and I can hear them having sex. One girl that has been there several times has been his sister, and everytime she stays the weekend, its clear they have sex several times. I've met her and talked to her down at the pool, and they seem like an affectionate couple when are out in public, but he always introduces her to everyone as his sister.

Its really none of my business so I have not said anything to him about hearing them have sex through the wall, but sometimes I wonder if I should just so he knows. I've not said anything because hearing others have sex does not bother me, and I don't want make him feel he needs to hold back.

Thankfully, she didn't express prejudice about the situation, like we have seen with like situations before. Yes, we have seen people asking about hearing their sibling neighbors make love and wondering what to do.

US Supreme Court Should Make Bold Move For Equality

The US Supreme Court has heard arguments about both DOMA and Prop H8 and could issue a ruling any day now. DOMA denies same-gender marriages recognition at the national level and has been very problematic, including for members of the US military and immigrants. Prop H8 took away the same-gender freedom to marry in California. Cases about both laws had been making their way through the courts and are now at the Supreme Court. There are many possible outcomes, some seen as more likely than others. It is possible that the Court could end up ruling next month, in June, to strike down DOMA so that same-gender marriages granted in states that currently have them will be recognized by the federal government, and letting lower court decisions striking down Prop H8 stand, so that California will again have the limited same-gender freedom to marry. It is also possible the Court may rule in a way that brings about the limited same-gender freedom to marry nationwide.

We want the US Supreme Court to make the best possible ruling, which is to recognize relationship rights, including full marriage equality, for all adults nationwide.

The Court should rule that…

An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, harassment, or discrimination.

There are many reasons why the Court should do this.