Sunday, December 21, 2014

An Advocate For at Least Trying Polyamory

University of Cambridge student Katt Parkins gives "5 Reasons Everyone Should Try Polyamory." I'm not someone who thinks everyone will be happier in polyamorous relationships. I do think some people are better off in monogamous relationships and others are better off in no relationship at all. But I did want to share this piece of encouragement anyway, so those considering the possibilities could see what someone else has to say about the positives of at least trying polyamory.

It is good that this started off with pointing out that polyamory can take many forms.

1. Expecting one person to fulfill all of your needs and to never change or grow is unfair 

I think some monogamists do have such a mindset, but others realize that one other person is not going to be everything to them and that other person will change and grow, and they just take that as part of the territory.

3. If you fall in love with more than one person, you are not a freak, and you might not have to choose

I think that is very, very important. You are not a freak if you are in love with more than one person.

Go read the rest if it interests you.

Again, nobody should do anything with their body they don't want to. But if the only reason you don't want to do something is some external pressure, well, maybe that should be questioned.
— — —

Has Your Partner Experienced Consanguinamory?

I used be active at a certain Big Internet Portal's Question and Answer service, until someone who couldn’t handle me answering questions truthfully when it comes to certain romantic or sexual topics decided to get me "suspended" using a weakness in their automated system. After that, I'd still check to see what questions were being asked there, even though I couldn't participate in any way or even contact anyone there unless they had somehow provided an email address in their question or answer. I will not link to the service, but I will quote it. Someone named Lauren asked this question...

Ok.....complicated one, recently found out my husband and his younger sister had sex for a number of years between the ages of 10-12, this is what he's telling me tho I'm aware this may have more to it? We are a young couple married with two children (boys) my relationship with his family has never been great and this hasn't helped! Can anyone give me any advice or your thoughts on how you would deal with this news? I'm up and down and so confused.....

Questions like this come up more than people might think. Person A is dating or married to Person B and Person A suspects or has found out that Person B has been sexually involved with a sibling or other family member. Person A usually wants to know what they should do.

It is important to clarify the situation by determining the answers to some questions.

1) Is this something that is suspected or has it been confirmed?

— — —

Friday, December 19, 2014 Covers Consanguinamory

A journalist by the name of Katie Dupere politely contacted me a little while back to invite me to participate in what has turned into this, a debate about consanguineous sex and relationships at The title is "Falling for Family: Should Consensual Incest Be Legal?"

There in input from Dr. Michael Brown, who gives an anti-equality view. Of course to Brown, all sex other than Christians in a heterosexual closed monogamous nonconsanguineous marriage is wrong, and if I had to guess I'd say his position is primarily based on his religion.

In saying consanguinamory should not be legalized, he says...
You don’t ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up.

We have a pretty good idea why it was put up. And we have US states and countries where it is not criminalized and there haven't been problems as a result.
And it is so critically important that family members do not look at each other in a sexualized or romantic way. It opens the door for all kinds of abuse for children.
That's like saying heterosexual marriage opens the door for all kinds of abuse of children. After all, if a man can legally marry a woman, it will be easier for him to legally marry an underage girl, right? Well, no, not when we have other laws about minors and consent and such.

Then he threw in Discredited Argument #18 and statements like this...
There is something sacred within the family. There is something where children must feel safe with parents. Where parents must have a special view of their children as children.

None of that is changed when consensual adult sex is decriminalized.
If kids are raised separately and meet later in life and experience what some call Genetic Sexual Attraction, you really open a Pandora’s box.
So what are the problems? He doesn't say.

— — —

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Why Men Choose Polyandry

Ruth asked at a Big Internet Portal's question-and-answer service...
Why do men choose polyandry(a woman with multiple husbands)?
What's the appeal? Is their jealousy? How does sex work? Is it akward knowing that the other husband has had sex with your wife?I'd like to understand how polyandrous relationships work, especially from mens point of view. Could you handle your wife having another husband?

Why do men choose a monogamous marriage? Why do men choose not to marry at all? Why do some men choose a polygynous marriage, or a group marriage? It’s going to be different for different people, but you can find some common reasons that pop up frequently. It is a combination of needs and wants, including social, emotional, financial, sexual, etc.

A man may choose polyandry because he is bisexual, or because he enjoys seeing his wife with another man, or because his wife has a higher libido than he does, or for reasons that are entirely nonsexual.

You can see the very good Best Answer if you keep reading.
— — —

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory

I’ve noticed some common myths expressed about sibling consanguinamory. In this instance, by consanguinamory, I mean everything from curious exploration and experimenting to erotic romance, including masturbating in front of each other, erotic kissing, sexual touching or rubbing, oral sex, intercourse, etc.

This entry is NOT addressing molestation, assault, or abuse.

I’m referring to adult siblings, or minor siblings who are close in age, engaging in mutual affection or experimentation, without coercion, force, or intimidation. It may be two siblings alone, it may be three or more siblings, or it may be two or more siblings involved together with one or more people outside of the immediate family.

These myths need to be addressed, because they perpetuate inequality, discrimination, hardship, confusion, stigmas, ignorance, and fear.

Myth #1 “It doesn’t happen” or “It happens very rarely” or “I don’t know anyone who has done this.” Just because one person hasn’t been involved or doesn’t remember being involved with sibling doesn’t mean it isn’t happening with others. It is, and it always has. Ongoing sexual relationships between siblings are common enough that everyone knows someone who is, or has been in, such a relationship, and far more siblings than that have had an encounter or experimented, explored, or played doctor. Reality: We all know people who've been involved, whether we know it or not.
— — —

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Factoring in Visibility

I remember when Roseanne Barr's character kissed Mariel Hemingway's character on network television. And then there was Madonna and Britney Spears kissing on television during a performance. In the first instance, it was part of a larger fictional storyline intended to break down prejudices. In the second, it was part of a live musical performance that was probably there to titillate. Both generated much reaction.

In recent years, the Kardashians (don't worry, that's the last time I'll mention them in this entry) have gotten much publicity for "incestuous" flirting via tweets and their television shows.

I bring these things up because much buzz was generated by contestants on the television talent contest show The X Factor (the British edition, I think), as the sisters had an "incestuous" kiss on-stage. See, for example, this report at by Ash Percival with the headline "X Factor incest shock as sisters Blonde Electra share live lesbian snog" and the teaser intro "THE X Factor final was thrown into an incest controversy earlier tonight as sister double act Blonde Electra shared a kiss live on air."

Blonde Electra snog on The X Factor Recreating Madonna and Britney Spears’ iconic kiss at the MTV VMAs in 2003, Jazzy and Ruby King shared a full-on snog leaving viewers open-mouthed.
But the kiss itself wasn't open-mouthed. See for yourself. Their lips are closed. People who have no sexual intent share kisses like this all of the time in some cultures and subcultures.

The story and reactions to it were also to be found at in this report by Stephanie Soteriou... 

— — —

Monday, December 15, 2014

A Sister Takes Questions on Reddit

Visibility is important. Even anonymous "visibility" is important, especially if it involves telling your story and answering questions in an effective way. Reddit is a place where that can happen. Here's an example where Noveranan did an AMA (Ask Me Anything.) It is titled "I was in an incestuous relationship with my brother."
Between the ages of 15 and 20 I was in a sexual relationship with my brother. You may ask me anything.

  • Note that English is my third language. I'll try to keep my responses at least readable, though.
Edit: For a long time I was on the fence on whether I should post this or not. Now I'm really glad I did. The vast majority of you have been very respectful, and it's been great to get a lot of this stuff off my chest. I've talked more about it here over the last 24 hours than I probably have for the last nine years.
Many thanks to all who have participated, and if you have any other questions please don't hesitate to ask.
That was good to read.

LLment has a simple question...

— — —

Saturday, December 13, 2014

The Invisible Asterisk

Sometimes, when someone writes (or says) that they support the freedom to marry or, marriage equality, or #Marriage4All, or “love is love” or something like “The sex lives of consenting adults is nobody else’s business.,” there is an invisible asterisk. You know, one of these ==> *

What might really be going on is this…

“Consenting adults should be free to marry each other.”*

*Unless you mean something I don’t like or think is disgusting, like polygamy, open marriage, or consensual adult incest.

I don’t do that. There is no asterisk in this statement…

I support the rights of an adult to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

There is no asterisk after “adult.” An “adult” includes any person, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion.

“Any and all” means “any and all”. If an adult woman can vote, be Secretary of State (or Prime Minister, which we don't have in the US), serve as a Governor, be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, sign contracts, enlist in the military, operate heavy machinery, be sentenced to life in prison or the death penalty (which we do have in many places in the US), and can consent to group sex with three cage fighters she just met, it seems to me an adult woman should also be free to have sex with and/or marry any consenting adult(s), even if that means another woman, or two women, or two men, or a woman and a man, or a married man (not hidden from his existing spouse), or her sister, whether an adopted sister, stepsister, half sister, or full blood sister. All of this goes for men, too, of course.

This basic right means all adults having the same right to not marry at all, and to divorce, and to be free of domestic violence. The basic freedom of association should mean that adults can share the entirety of love, sex, residence, and marriaqe, or any of those without the others, and any civil union or domestic partnership that is offered. That’s a funny thing called… equality. There is no good reason to deny equality. Now is the time to get it done.
So, do you support full marriage equality, or marriage “equality”*?
— — —

A Cruel Double Standard

I might need to add another entry to rhe series NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love and another point to the Discredited Arguments page, because I've heard and read people say that people in consanguinamorous relationships (or step or adoptive relationships that have gone romantic) don't need the freedom to marry because they're already family. In addition to being as senseless as telling a woman she can't marry her sister's husband's brother (which is legal and does happen) because they are already family, the statement can bring up a very cruel double standard.

In many situations involving Genetic Sexual Attraction, the lovers are not legally family for the purposes of insurance, benefits, taxes, hospital visitation, next of kin, etc. because they were adopted into or born into (via sperm, egg, or embryo donation) different families. Also, in many places, when a married woman gives birth, the child is legally her spouse's child as well. What if, due to sex with someone other than her spouse, the woman's child is genetically a half-sibling to another married couple's child, and as adults they decide they'd like to marry?

The double standard is that, while these genetically related people don't enjoy the benefits of being family, in places that still have ridiculous laws discriminating against consensual adult incest, they are considered family and thus can (and are) criminally prosecuted for consensual sex or at least denied their right to marry.

You're not family so you can't get the benefit of being family. You are family so you are going to be prosecuted for having loved each other in sexual way. That's cruel.

As an example, if something were to happen to Melissa and she ended up in a hospital, her adoptive parents could bar Matthew and Linda from even being by her side, let alone making decisions about her care, even though Matthew and Linda are, for practical purposes, her spouses. She would be married to them if she could, but the law isn't there yet.

Those who are sharing, or want to share their lives as spouses or partners often do need the same rights, benefits, and protections as any other spouses, and there’s no good reason to deny them their fundamental right to marry. Also, marriage automatically provides for next-of-kin status, which is especially important when there is some discord between at least one of the lovers and legal family members outside of the consanguinamorous relationship.

There are many cruel double standards when trying to tell other consenting adults how to love each other. GSA or not, consanguinamorous people need discriminatory laws to be done away with, and need access to the protections provided by marriage, if they want them. This is yet another reason we need full marriage equality sooner rather than later.
— — —

Friday, December 12, 2014

Online Love: Why the Internet is a Crucial Venue for the LGBT Community

This is a freelance article submitted by Helen Tetlow. Contributing content to this blog is just  one of the ways you can help support full marriage equality.

Online Love: Why the Internet is a Crucial Venue for the LGBT Community

As more and more states across America move towards equal marriage for the LGBT community, without a doubt anyone can observe that the culture around relationships is changing. It may be too slow for some, and too fast for others – but people are beginning to accept that relationships are dynamic and diverse, and even the mainstream media is slowly opening up its eyes to the possibilities, giving a voice to relationships which are excluded from the heteronormative trope. Much of this can be attributed to the rise of LGBT culture on both a commercial and social scale, and inevitably the crucial relationship it holds with technology and the ability of social media to reach out and send a message, while uniting people in their beliefs. But the internet has done its fair share of deeply personal, life-changing events too – not the least of which has brought people together from all backgrounds to enjoy a lifetime of love.

Finding a Soulmate
Meeting individuals over the internet was once strongly stigmatized in western culture, and to a degree it continues to be so today. Indeed, it remains a place to take caution – just like the non-virtual world. Yet now, it is commonly accepted that couples have met over the net, whether it’s through an online dating site or a fan forum where mutual likes have led to happy matchings. From casual sex to lifelong friendships and intimate relationships, the online world has enabled people to find likeness with one another while focusing on personality (that isn’t to say that looks and social status are not capitalized upon, but merely that those seeking personality and character have a better venue to do so than in the non-virtual world to some degree). This also transcends ethnicities, cultures, orientation, class, gender, and national boundaries. For many, it has been the answer to finding that perfect soulmate, whether actively seeking one or not. For the LGBT community, it has been a huge asset where a large number of individuals have sought their partners.

Finding a Voice
Though things are changing, it can be still be difficult for members of the LGBT community to connect with one another. There are a few social situations where this is possible (provided one lives in a fairly cosmopolitan area) – the club scene, the cultural scene (such as literary circles, sports teams, women’s discussion groups etc.) and organizations within the larger community as well as smaller ones like those on the university campus. However, while most of these situations are inclusive, for some individuals they still do not present the same kind of venue in which people feel comfortable meeting someone special. In “mainstream” circles like the workplace and school, people might have a difficult time communicating that they are gay (not that there should be a need to) and finding out whether the person they are interested in (if any) is gay as well. And even once that common denominator is established, there are million other variants to consider before suggesting compatibility.

The online world has changed this immensely. LGBT individuals can meet for casual relationships, company, or a full-on relationship. These exist at an international and regional level, so not only can people enjoy learning about another lifestyle, but connect with people locally as well. Chat rooms and forums have provided another venue in which people can get to know one another, and overall, have a positive impact on people’s lives. People are able to bond over showing support for one another and in vulnerable communities this is vital. The diversity of the online world has expanded to become highly inclusive as well as specific – for instance, there are now supportive groups for LGBT individuals who have suffered abuse, or addiction – which is prevalent in some parts of the community because of the difficult circumstances which many gays face. For many, not only pulling through the recovery process but getting back into a “new norm” or lifestyle can be challenging, and finding someone to connect with who not only understands that process but may be going through it themselves can help that person reach their next milestone.

Now there are many ways in which people can reach out to one another in the online world, and for the LGBT community, it has been the only way for many individuals. As society becomes more accepting, mainstream media more inclusive, and LGBT people more confident, the online world will no longer be the only outlet for seeking a special someone. But it will remain a staple and as the lives and lifestyles of individuals get even busier and people want to cut to the chase and get to know someone with ease. As more and more people outside of the LGBT community also turn to the online world to connect, it’s clear that the internet is not only a place where people can feel solidarity with one another, but a place which is convenient in our fast-paced world.
— — —

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Is Being Poly Genetic?

The Ferrett addresses, “Polyamory Genetic? Is Homosexuality Genetic?”

My thoughts on a genetic polyamory link are the exact same as my thoughts on a genetic homosexual link:

I don’t care.

Right! We have many things, including the technology I’m using to write this and you are using to read this, which are not part of our genetics. What difference does it make? See Discredited Argument #5.

Even if the gays were, as some suggest, all conspiring in one big plot to annoy us fine-thinking straight people, wincing as they sucked distasteful d--- and reluctantly chowed p---y out of some misplaced form of rebellion, it should still be allowed.

The truth is, gay sex is between consenting adults, and it hurts no one but those adults – there are way more deadly car accidents caused by beers than queers. You may consider gayness to be a bad choice, but two people should be free to make bad choices together. And what people want to do for fun in their private life is something that should be allowed, no matter how distasteful it may be to me.

Agreed. See Discredited Argument #1.

— — —

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Reunited and Loving Each Other For Years

If my recollection is correct, this is the fortieth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The people in interview below are adults, people you might live next to see every day, in a consensual relationship with each other. Yet they face discrimination and prejudice for their love, having to hide the truth. They aren't hurting anyone; why should they have to hide and be denied their rights?

Read the interview below and see for yourself what they have to say. You may think their relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, but either way, should they be denied equal access to marriage?


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your yourself.

Tony: I am a business owner with several offices.

Carla: I also am in the business with Tony.

— — —