Saturday, December 30, 2017

Taking the Steps

I have frequently seen the question asked, “It is incest to date my stepbrother?” or “Would marrying my stepsister be incestuous?”

Romance, dating, sex, or marriage between step relations is not literally consanguinamory, but is often subject to the same prejudices, which in some places and cases includes criminalization, as consanguinamorous relationships. With Discredited Argument #18 not a factor, the excuse to try to deny others their relationships is usually Discredited Arguments #1, 3, 19, or 21.

Although someone may try to control our relationships, we can’t effectively control what other people do with their love lives and we shouldn’t try. We don’t pick who our family members love or marry. As such, sometimes someone is brought into our lives as a step relation, such as a stepbrother, stepsister, stepmother, or stepfather whether we like it or not.

Sometimes, we like it. A lot.

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Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Facebook, OKCupid, and the Dilemma of Online Services

There have been grumblings in certain circles about OKCupid instituting or enforcing a policy for real names, instead of screen names, to be used. Facebook has taken steps to try to prevent people from using pseudonyms or screen names as their account names. This sort of thing has been an issue with other services.

These services have their reasons, such as collecting demographic information and advertising revenue, and also to try to prevent spammers, scammers, stalkers, bullies, and others with ill intent.

The problem, though, is that many people who don't fit the narrow, vanilla, cisgender, heterosexual, professing monogamist mold often rely on reaching out to others anonymously or with some level of privacy. That's because they face discrimination. Depending on where they are, they may be subject to everything from shunning and disowning by family, loss of employment, loss of housing, harassment and bulling, criminal prosecution, even violence, including to the point of death.

Gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities are harmless, but there are prejudiced people who want to do harm to people based on their gender, their sexual orientation, their relationships, their kinks, or their fetishes.

In a perfect world, everyone could be open and out about who they are and what they like, but we don't live in that world right now, so some people look to connect for networking, friendship, love, or more through these online services, while avoiding the bigoted judgment of their employer, parent, neighbor, or the threat of a stalking ex or rebuffed interest. The harder it is for people to reach out with popular services, they more they will be drawn to alternatives.

Have you had to deal with this problem? You are welcome here and you can comment anonymously below. or use a screen name. You an also private message me at Facebook and I will not share what you tell me. Fortunately, there are a forums for LGBTQ people, the ethically nonmonogamous, people with fetishes and kinks, and for the consanguinamorous.
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NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #12

“What about child custody and child support?” This is an especially flimsy objection to polyamorous (or polygamous) relationships. As we have noted before, adult relationships don't always involve raising children. Even so, nonmonogamous relationships between adults who are parents have always existed, and in most places, it isn't criminal to be nonmonogamous. So this issue is already being handled. Notice we could ask the same question about children from one night stands, donated sperm, surrogate mothers, affairs, brief flings, or supposedly monogamous relationships and marriages that end. What about children born to a woman whose husband wasn’t the man who impregnated her? All of these situations are entirely legal. A mediator, arbitrator, or court decides custody and child support disputes that aren’t resolved amicably. That would still be the case if polyamorous relationships had legal protections, including marriage.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #11 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #13
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Saturday, December 23, 2017

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah (belated), Yuletide Greetings, Solstice Salutations, Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays!

Whatever holidays you celebrate(d), or even if you don't celebrate any, We wish you a fabulous season full of warmth and love.

May you and your loved ones have peace, health, and happiness.

I plan to update this blog as I can over the holidays, so keep checking back. Or better yet, subscribe in the column over there on the right if you haven't done so yet.
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Thursday, December 21, 2017

Same-Gender Marriage and Consanguinamory in the US

Gay marriage (or same-sex marriage, or most accurately same-gender marriage) and consanguinamory (romantic and/or erotic love between close relatives) are usually (but not always) two different things.

As of this posting, there are people fretting that allowing more consenting adults their freedom to marry is going to result in... even more consenting adults having the freedom to marry! Oh, the horror! Because the limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry is now legal nationwide in the US, some people are asking if people in consanguineous relationships (or adult consensual incest) are going to have their rights and be treated like, you know, people.

Please note everything we're discussing here is about consensual sex and relationships between adults. We're not talking about rape or molestation.

In the US, the bigotry against marriage equality is rapidly losing out. We recently had the Supreme Court decide for the nationwide limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry. The denial of marriage equality still currently extends to preventing first cousins from marrying in a little over half of the states. If you consider cousin marriage incestuous, then the remaining states, which allow marriages between first cousins (some with ridiculous restrictions) are where same-gender first cousins can enter into monogamous same-gender "incestuous" marriage.

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Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Submitted - The Double Loves Series: Eddie and Jocelyn

Here's something different for this blog. Someone has submitted a short story. Yes, we do take submissions, including fiction, whether text or cartoons or illustrations. Nonfiction such as "confessions," commentaries, reports, and case study updates are also welcome, as long as they deal with the topics of this blog, support equality, and are SAFE FOR WORK. If you want to submit anything, you can email to the address fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com. Once you send us something, whether it is used on the blog is entirely up to us and there will be no material compensation. We are willing to give you credit and link to anywhere you want us to link.


The Double Loves Series:  Eddie and Jocelyn
By Martin Witt

18 year old Edward Paul Shepherd left his small hometown of Corinth and was on his way to his freshmen year of college.  His heart was racing with excitement as he flipped on the turn signals to take the exit off the interstate.  Eddie, as friends and family called him, pulled up to the intersection and looked both ways.  In his eagerness to get this new phase of his life going he miscalculated the speed and distance of the traffic coming towards him.  He pulled out and tried to accelerate ahead of the cars closing in on him.  Unfortunately he couldn’t.  There was a crash.   Eddie was critically injured and the other driver died at the scene.

Eddie’s new phase of life was not what he expected.  He was in the hospital for several weeks, with doctors not sure if he’d survive.  The young man was strong however, and he did survive.  Several months in a rehabilitation center gave him the ability to have a reasonable quality of life.  Eddie’s college career finally got started, but he didn’t find it as exciting as he once did. 

While Eddie was physically healed, the guilt he felt for causing the death of another person stayed with him for a long time.  Eddie saw a therapist in hopes of dealing with his emotional trauma.  He didn’t find it beneficial.  Finally, however, Eddie’s therapist suggested he make apologies to the widow of the man who died in the accident. Eddie wasn’t sure he could, but it felt like something he had to do. 

More than a year and a half after the accident Eddie found himself at a modest homelocated on Thebes Street.  It belonged to the late Mr. Laurence King whose death Eddiefelt responsible.  The door opened and there stood the widow, Mrs. Jocelyn King.  Eddie introduced himself and explained why he’d come.  He fully expected Mrs. King to slam the door in his face.   Instead, however, she was kind and welcomed Eddie inside.

Jocelyn heard what Eddie had to say.  She felt his sincerity and accepted his apology.  Eddie felt an immense load taken off his shoulders.  Jocelyn told Eddie that she appreciated his visit, but he was young and still had his entire life ahead.  She told him to let go of the guilt he and move on with his life.  Eddie promised he would.

As Eddie prepared to leave Jocelyn welcomed him to visit her anytime he wanted.  When Eddie left the yard Jocelyn was certain she’d never see him again.  She was wrong.  Eddie did visit, and he visited often.  At first Eddie’s visits were merely to help with simple chores and tasks since Jocelyn had no children of her own.  Jocelyn assumed the young man was working off his guilt.  Before long, however, Eddie’s visits grew beyond chores and conscience clearing.

Though Jocelyn was his senior by at least 20 years, Eddie found her attractive.  Their difference in age began to matter less and less.  Jocelyn realized that the boy was becoming attracted to her.  She feared it was going to lead nowhere good, but Jocelyn felt unable to send her young suitor away.  What woman would not enjoy the attentions of a good looking young man? 

Time passed.  Eddie and Jocelyn grew closer.  Their love became undeniable, though both tried to resist what was happening.  One night when all the stars were in perfect alignment Eddie and Jocelyn found themselves in bed.  Though it was Eddie’s first time Jocelyn found his lovemaking skills more than adequate.

As Jocelyn enjoyed every bit of pleasure that Eddie’s body, youth and stamina offered her, she floated back to the day he showed up at her doorstep.  She thought of every time he visited after that.  Jocelyn remembered watching the young man mow her lawn shirtless and the reactions it caused in her body.  She remembered every compliment he gave her regarding her appearance.  Those compliments inspired Jocelyn to fix herself up a bit so to net more of the boy’s attentions.  Looking back, Jocelyn should have seen all this coming.  She was in love.  It was unexpected, but an amazing love to be sure.

Eddie’s mind was racing to process everything that was happening.  Making love to Jocelyn snapped the last chain of guilt that bound him.  He had let go and was moving into a new phase of his life.  It was unexpected, but an amazing phase to be sure.  He was in love with the most beautiful and kind woman he’d ever known.  His life was perfect. 

The weekend that followed Eddie’s college graduation saw him and Jocelyn married.   No two people ever appeared more perfectly matched than Eddie and Jocelyn.  Their marriage was mythological to all who knew them.  Their love expanded exponentiallyover the years and their family grew.  Jocelyn gave Eddie four beautiful daughters.  The young father was very proud of his family.

One day Eddie received some tragic news.  While on their way to visit him, Eddie’sparents, Mr. and Mrs. Paul Shepherd, were murdered during a carjacking.  By coincidence it was at the same intersection where Eddie’s miscalculation killed Mr. King years prior.  Once the funerals and estate issues were settled, Eddie set out to find the persons who killed his parents.  He patiently worked with the police and investigators to leave no stone unturned.  It took a long time, but eventually the bandits were brought to justice.

Several items that belonged to his parents were recovered along with their car.  One of those items was a jewelry box.  It was precious to his mom and Eddie was glad to get it back.  While everything of any value was long gone, there was a secret compartment that contained a document.  It was a certificate of adoption.  Eddie had no idea.  He was filled with mixed emotions by the revelation.  He surmised that the purpose of his parents’ visit was the share that bit of information with him. 

Eddie tried to learn to live with the reality that the people he thought were his parents were not.  He found, however, that he could not live without knowing who his biological parents were and why they gave him up.  So Eddie set out to find them.  While Jocelyn urged him to move on, she supported his efforts.  The search led nowhere for Eddie until his eldest daughter, Antonia, suggested a DNA survey.  With no other avenues to pursue, Eddie and his family all submitted samples to a company called Delphi, a DNA history firm.  The results come back to reveal that Eddie and Jocelyn are more than husband and wife, but mother and son also.

The information was devastating to the entire family.  Eddie more than anything wanted to know how this happened at all since Jocelyn had no children prior to their marriage.  Jocelyn explained that before she and her first husband, Laurence, were married, he was a seminary student.  Laurence had hopes of becoming a minister.  While he and Jocelyn were still engaged, however, Jocelyn got pregnant.   The seminary’s Dean of Students, as if some all knowing oracle, advised Laurence to “get rid of 'it' or that ends your plans for a life as a minister.”  The impressionable young Laurence did as the Dean advised   When their son was born, they gave him up for adoption and never spoke of him again.

However, Laurence was never “right” after that.  It wasn’t long before the mental and emotional problems began to haunt him.  Surely guilt and some warped religious advice were responsible.  Laurence was convinced that his son was out to kill him.  A psychiatrist prescribed medication to keep Laurence functional, but he’d stopped taking it and was in a delirium on the day he crossed paths with Eddie at that intersection.

Eddie was angry beyond belief.  Killing his father and marrying his mother sounded like something from a Greek tragedy, yet it was his and his family’s reality.  There was no way to process this alone, but even more tragic was the fact that there was nowhere to turn for support.  This situation was no one’s fault, yet everyone involved would be held responsible in the eyes of a judgmental world.

Jocelyn considered killing herself.   Eddie wanted to gouge out his eyes as he could not bare to look at his family. However, inside them both rested a spark that could not be extinguished by any sort of peer, cultural or religious pressure.  Eddie and Jocelyn were in love.  It was not just as husband and wife, but as mother and son also.  It was a double love they shared.  Whether brought together by fate, the Divine or some strange mysterious workings of genetics, they were in love.  That double love was what countedand through whatever came that same double love would be their anchor and elixir.

It took a long time to resolve all the cognitive and social dissonances surrounding their consanguinamoreous relationship, but through the mysterious and nondiscriminatory powers of human love, Eddie P. King and his family did find a way to live happily ever after.

The End

It's an interesting update to classic mythology, no?

Please note, as this is a submission, I'm assuming it doesn't violate any copyrights.
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Tuesday, December 19, 2017

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #11

“It will be a legal/paperwork nightmare as our system is set up for couples.” That’s what the bigots said about same-gender marriage and the Americans With Disabilities Act and just about any civil rights laws. Of course it is easier for those who already have what they want to keep things as they are. But what about all of the people who are denied their rights?

Adopting the polygamous freedom to marry under full marriage equality will take much less adjustment than adopting the Americans With Disabilities Act, the Violence Against Women Act and many other laws necessary to for equal protection and civil rights. Contract and business law already provides adaptable examples of how law can accommodate configurations involving three or more people, including when someone joins an existing relationship or leaves a relationship.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #10 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #12
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Monday, December 18, 2017

SPOILERS - Star Wars Can Still Advance Marriage Equality

You know the drill. If you haven't seen "Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi" yet and don't want any of it spoiled, just skip over this entry.

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Saturday, December 16, 2017

How Marriage Equality Supports Family Values and Morality

There are people who constantly make a point of telling us their beliefs that marriage is important for our countries, that being married is good for adults and for children, that commitment is good, that unmarried sex is bad, unmarried cohabitation is bad, that being a single mother is bad, and that marriage is needed to “channel male sexuality.” They cite with worry the fact that there are fewer married households now and more children being raised outside of a home headed by married parents. These are what they say “family values” and “morality” are about. Everyone should get married and only have sex and raise children in marriage and should go to church every week and enjoy “freedom of religion.”

Let’s consider some facts, at least how the stand in the US (your country may vary.)…
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Why? Many of the Same Reasons Anyone Else Does It

Vicky Wireko wrote at under "Reality Zone: Why would a father sleep with his biological daughter?"

Without yet getting to the text of the piece, the terms need to be defined. By "sleep," she no doubt means intercourse. But is she referring to rape or is she referring to consensual sex?  Rape and lovemaking are two different things. Rape should always be illegal. Lovemaking should never be illegal. But "biological daughter" can mean a woman the father didn't meet or didn't have a relationship with until she was an adult, or at least hasn't had a relationship with since an early age. Consanguinamory initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction has a different dynamic than consanguinamory growing from an existing sociological relationship.

Why would a father make love with his biological daughter? I'm talking about CONSENT ADULTS here.

For many of the the same reasons a man would have sex with any woman:

He's a heterosexual male and she's a receptive or initiating female he finds attractive.

They love each other.

It feels good and is fun. This is especially true when it comes to consanguinamory.

To bond.

To express love.

To have children.

Some of them have been brought together through Genetic Sexual Attraction, some of them haven't.

There are many reasons, but they shouldn't need to justify it to anyone else. Why is ultimately theirs to share, not anyone else's business. Perhaps a better question is why wouldn't/shouldn't he? Sex is not a bad thing. Those who think it is are probably doing it wrong.

What did Wireko have to say? Let's see...

Everything is certainly wrong with a father sleeping with his blood daughter.
 Does she give a reason?
It is repugnant apart from the fact that it is a taboo in our custom.
Ah, Discredited Arguments #1 and 2.

However, when a father’s love for his daughter straddles beyond parental love veering off to lust, to the extent of sexual abuse, it becomes horrendous.
Abuse and lovemaking are two different things. She goes on to write about abuse, without giving a good reason as to why consenting adults shouldn't be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage. Don't like it? Don't do it. But there ARE adult women in loving spousal-type relationships with their biological fathers, despite what prejudiced bigots think.

Please also see Intergenerational Relationships Can Work 

why would a woman sleep with her father why would a father and daughter have sex why would a parent have sex with an adult child why would a woman have sex with her father
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Friday, December 15, 2017

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #10

“Polyamory/polygamy spreads sexually transmitted infections.” Unprotected sex with someone who is infected is how such infections may be transmitted. Twenty people could have group sex and a group marriage for fifty years and if none of them brings an infection into the marriage and they only have sex with each other, none of them will get a sexually transmitted infection.

We do not deny people their freedom to marry based on which diseases they have. In most places, people can legally have sex with multiple partners anyway. Polyfidelity can be encouraged if polygamy is legalized and polyamory is no longer stigmatized, which would actually reduce disease transmission. Polyamorous people tend to be more careful about prevention, safer sex, and actually talking about the issues involved.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #9 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #11
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Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Consanguinamory is Not Sick

As this blog and others have repeatedly shown, there is no good reason to keep laws, discrimination, or stigmas against consanguinamory (consanguineous or consensual incest sex or relationships) that is consistently applied to other relationships. One of the grasping-at-straws assertions that one might make when all of their justifications for denying rights fails is "people who do that are sick" or "those relationships are dysfunctional."

Before we do anything else, let's make it clear that we're talking about consensual sex and relationships, not abuse. It's not fair to point to abuse, assault, child molestation, etc. by a close relative as an example of how "incest" is "sick".

Alleging psychological problems or mental illness is something best left to mental health professionals, such as a psychiatrist (a medical doctor) or a psychologist. The opinion of someone without such credentials and some experience should be suspect. So, if someone makes the claim that we should criminalize or otherwise discriminate against consanguinamory because the behavior is based on mental illness, they should be asked 1) for their credentials; 2) if they have personally conducted an evaluation of the individuals involved and the dynamics of their relationship, and; 3) if all relationships they personally think are based on mental illness should be likewise criminalized or discriminated against. Usually, calling consanguinamory "sick" is just a thinly veiled variation on Discredited Arguments #1 and 3.

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Monday, December 11, 2017

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #9

“They’re abusive.” Interracial, (adult) intergenerational, same-gender, polyamorous, and consanguinamorous relationships are not inherently abusive. It is the abusive relationships in general that are more likely to make news, or come to the attention of therapists or law enforcement. There are many people in "forbidden" relationships that are lasting, happy, healthy relationships.

Abusive people are the cause of abuse, not a relationship or marriage. There are many same-age, same-race, heterosexual, monogamous, nonconsanguineous relationships and marriages in which someone is abused. We have several examples showing that outlawing consensual behavior correlates to an increase in problems as people try to avoid law enforcement and other authorities. Marriage equality will most certainly reduce abuse, as abuse victims can go to the authorities with much less fear. So the solution isn’t the status quo, it is in bringing the relationships out of the shadows, allowing them to be protected and made official, and prosecuting abusers. Abuse victims will be much more forthcoming.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #8 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #10
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Sunday, December 10, 2017

Answering Arguments Against Polyamory

People who insist monogamy is the only acceptable relationship model, or that polyamorists should not have the same rights for their relationships as monogamists, almost always cite a few often-repeated reasons as to why. If you're polyamorous, you’ve probably heard most of these reasons, whether from coworkers, family, or complete strangers. Although I’m going to focus on polyamorous relationships, most of these are also applicable to open relationships, swinging, swapping, nonmonogamous sex, and ethical nonmonogamy in general whether the people involved identify as polyamorous or not.

Just about any objection people have to polyamory or other forms of ethical nonmonogamy fit into these common arguments, perhaps with different wording. Just so that you know, when I use the term “polygamy” I am referring to a subset of polyamory that involves marriage (whether by law, ceremony, or declaration of those involved), involving three or more spouses, whatever the structure of the relationship or the genders involved, as long as all involved are consenting adults.

1. “It is disgusting.” Also known as the “ick” or “eww” factor, this explains why the person using the argument would not want to have a polyamorous relationship, but their own personal disgust is not a justification for preventing other people from having a polyamorous relationship. Some people are disgusted by the idea of heterosexual sex, or their own parents having sex, but obviously this is not a justification to ban those things. Obviously, the consenting adults who want a polyamorous relationship aren’t disgusted by it. An effective response to this is “Don’t want a polyamorous relationship? Don’t have one.”

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Saturday, December 9, 2017

Consanguinamorous in Orientation

As we observe and research people and their experiences with consanguinamory, it is becoming clear that some people, more than others, are oriented towards consanguinamorous relationships. For more about this, see Jane's latest great essay.
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Friday, December 8, 2017

Living Consanguinamorously - What To Tell The Children

A question many people in consanguinamorous relationships have is
if, what, when, and how to tell their children about their relationship.

There is no one right answer because it depends on many different factors.

It will be great when we get to a point where it doesn’t even have to be a question, but since most consanguineous lovers are still living in places where such relationships face severe discrimination, often including imprisonment, it is a question some people have.

Most people in consanguinamorous relationships have children, whether they have those children together or by some other relationship or through adoption or third party reproduction, because most people in general have children, so this is an issue faced by many people.

Let’s consider some of the factors involved.

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Thursday, December 7, 2017

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #8

“Polyamorous and consanguineous marriages are not the same thing as same-gender marriage.” So what? We’re talking about consenting adults who want to be together, and there’s no good reason to stop them. Some same-gender relationships and marriages are polygamous and/or consanguineous. A man should not only be able to marry another man, but two or more other men or his brother.

Strictly speaking, whether a marriage is same-gender or heterosexual is a different category than whether it is monogamous or polygamous; or exogamous or interracial, endogamous, or consanguineous. Some heterosexual marriages are monogamous, some are polygamous. Some same-gender marriages are monogamous, some are polygamous. Bisexuals may be in monogamous marriages or polygamous marriages. Some monogamous marriages are consanguineous, some aren’t. That monogamous/polygamous and exogamous/endogamous/consanguineous are different categories from heterosexual/same-gender is not a justification to deny the freedom to marry to consenting adults, or deny them marriage equality. Relationship rights belong to all adults.

It should be noted that when there is a polyamorous relationship, whether a "V" or a triad or more, at least two of the people involved are the same gender, even if they are no more than metamours to each other.

Something does not have to be immutable or inborn, like sexual orientation, to be legal. However, there are people (especially with Genetic Sexual Attraction) who are in consanguineous relationships who would swear to you that they couldn’t love anyone as much as they love their partner(s). They were born into their situations. There are people who are obviously unable to be monogamous, to the point of being willing to suffer loss of job, loss of reputation, loss of wealth, and figurative and literal loss of life, and they should not promise monogamy nor be pressured to pretend to be monogamous.

Some people simply are polyamorous.

That these other categories are not the same thing as same-gender marriage does not explain why there are still laws against them or a lack of relationship protections in the law.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #7

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #9 
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Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Consanguinamorous Youth

This blog is about equal rights for consenting adults.

But what about minors? It is dangerous to ignore that many minors experiment, explore, and get affectionate with each other. I'm talking about age peers. If an older person is coercing you, or messing with you while you (try to) sleep, that's NOT what this is about. Don't let anyone abuse you!

Much of this entry on how consanguinamorous people can protect themselves is relevant, as can this entry on living together.

This essay is a result of someone anonymous contacting this blog's sister Tumblr to describe a situation he had experienced in his life and to ask if there are any resources to help people who are currently in the position he'd been in so many years ago.

A subsequent message was from a teacher who had to report minors who've revealed their experiences with consanguineous sex, due to mandatory reporting laws that apply to people in certain jobs.

What do you do if you're in a consanguineous relationship or you think you have a consanguinamorous orientation, but you're under the age of consent or not a legal adult?

Please note: Most of this entry is going to be strictly about how things are and practical situations, not about the morality of any given situation or actions. While we welcome all adults and anyone struggling due to prejudice against their gender identity, sexual orientation, or relationships, this entry is NOT endorsing or advocating underage sex or anything else illegal.

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Monday, December 4, 2017

Lifelong Double Love

Our dear friend Jane has published a heartwarming interview by a woman who has found lifelong love in a consanguinamorous relationship. Read it here.
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Friday, December 1, 2017

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #7

“What’s next?” “Where do we draw the line?” What's wrong with letting consenting adults have the freedom to love each other as they want and agree? Who has a problem with that? Rather than coming up with convoluted schemes for which groups of people will get which rights, why not support the rights of all adults? It’s really quite simple:

The right to marry or to personal consortium shall not be abridged or denied by the United States or any state on account of sex, gender, sexual orientation, ancestry, consanguinity, or number of participants.

(Adapt that to your country, province, etc.)

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #6 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #8
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Thursday, November 30, 2017

World AIDS Day

December 1 is World AIDS Day. It is very important to remember those we've lost to AIDS, to care for anyone battling AIDS, and to care for anyone with HIV.

We must continue to work for a cure and continue to fight the spread of HIV.

We should also never forget that stigmas, ignorance, bigotry, sex-negative attitudes and shaming have helped spread HIV and AIDS.

Let's continue to work for a better culture in which people aren't shamed and marginalized for their sexuality, nor stigmatized for getting sick.
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Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Intergenerational Relationships Aren't Automatically Abusive

After I boosted my post "Intergenerational Relationships Can Work" on the Tumblr counterpart to this blog. (And again, we are talking about ADULTS.) This prompted someone to anonymously message that Tumblr blog...
Oh, hey! Somehow I didn't notice you supported intergenerational relationships, and I checked your answers to common objections and there was no reference to it, so may I direct you to a couple of links you might find interesting? They are against intergenerational relationships, but they might have notions you haven't considered.
From what I could see, the objections to intergenerational relationships (generally meaning 20 or more years difference in age) or even just age-gap relationships (less than 20, but, say ages 18 vs. 24 or 30 vs. 45) were all variations on the "power imbalance" argument.
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Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Coming Out Consanguinamorous


"Coming out" means declaring or no longer hiding that you're consanguinamorous in orientation or in a consanguinamorous relationship. Whether, when, to whom, and how to come out is something that can weigh on the mind of a consanguinamorous person.

Getting to decide whether, when, to whom, and how to come out is a privilege that is sometimes denied people who are outed against their will or by accident. Consanguinamorous people should seriously consider how to protect themselves.

Please note this entry is about coming out in general, such as to family, friends, etc., not about coming out to a romantic/sexual/spousal partner. That has many different considerations and warrants its own entry.

Stay in the Closet If/Until...

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Monday, November 27, 2017

Frequently Asked Question: How Common is Incest?

The short answer: Nobody knows for sure, but it appears to be common enough that you know someone who has been involved, whether you know it or not. If you have been, are, or want to be involved, you are not alone and it doesn’t make you bad or sick. You’re in the company of royals and peasants, urban dwellers and rural folk, the wealthy and the poor throughout history. Regardless, rights are not reserved for the majority.

This answer is addressing consensual incest, in which I include, in addition to adults, minors who four years or less apart in age when force or coercion are not used. This is what I call “consanguinamory” or consanguineous sex. This answer is not about child molestation, sexual assault, or rape.

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Saturday, November 25, 2017

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #6

“Your relationship will hurt children.” This is usually said by people who themselves hurt children by denying rights to the parents of those children and telling the children that their parents are wrong for loving each other, perpetuating a stigma about the children and their families.

Don’t want children of these relationships to be hurt? Then stop hurting their families.

Adults having a relationship with each other, adults reproducing together, and adults raising children together are three different things. Adults can do any one of those without doing the other two, or any two of those without doing the third. Or, to put it another way, we’re talking about sex, relationships, and marriage, not about reproduction or adoption or parenting. Most sex does not result in a birth.

We don’t deny people their right to be together because they can’t or won’t reproduce. We don’t deny people their right to be together because they won’t be good candidates for adoption. We don’t test people on their parenting skills before we allow them to marry, but if we did, a lot of the prejudiced people who want to deny rights to others would fail, while many people who are still fighting for their relationship rights would pass with flying colors.

So this reason to oppose equality already fails. But for the sake of argument let’s assume there will be children.

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Friday, November 24, 2017

What Genealogists Know

With each previous generation you trace back, the maximum possible number of your genetic ancestors doubles. You can have 2 parents, up to 4 grandparents, up to 8 great-grandparents, up to 16 great-great-grandparents, etc.

On average, there are about four generations per century. For people born in the year 2000, their 8 great-great-grandparents were probably born around 1900. Sometime around 1800 their great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparents were born (there may be up to 128 of them). About 29 generations back, or roughly around the time of 1250-1300, the total number of your possible ancestors for that generation equals or exceeds the total population of the planet, which was about 500 million people.

What gives? Well, first of all, if all 500 million of those people were your ancestors, they would also be the ancestors of all of the rest of us, too.

Secondly, you probably don’t have every person alive back then as your ancestor. There wasn’t a lot of interracial or intercultural parenting going on back then. People were more isolated, more people lived in rural countrysides rather than dense urban areas, and people were not nearly as geographically or socially mobile as they are today. It was very common for a person to be born in and to die in the the same village or town, having lived all of her or his life there.

This means that for many, many, many, many generations, there was a lot of what most people would call today “inbreeding.” If your spouse wasn’t your first cousin, your spouse was likely a second or third cousin, or a second cousin-once removed, or even your double-cousin, etc. And as I’ve noted before, even if they weren’t marrying them, people were having children with siblings, aunts or uncles, etc. (Even if not having children together, what do you think went on, given that pubescent teens, like most children, were usually sharing a bedroom?) Not only did these things not destroy humanity, but in Europe, the Renaissance was birthed in these conditions.

Coming back to around 1800, very few people are likely to have 128 great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparents, just like very few of those people in 1800 had 128 of them in 1600. Because chances are, some of your recent ancestors were cousins, if not closer. If you marry your first cousin, you have no more than six genetic grandparents between you, instead of eight. If your parents are first cousins, you have six great-grandparents instead of eight.

If “inbreeding” was as detrimental as common misconception says, none of us would be here.

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Thursday, November 23, 2017

Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory

I’ve noticed some common myths expressed about sibling consanguinamory. In this instance, by consanguinamory, I mean everything from curious exploration and experimenting to erotic romance, including masturbating in front of each other, erotic kissing, sexual touching or rubbing, oral sex, intercourse, etc.

This entry is NOT addressing molestation, assault, or abuse.

I’m referring to adult siblings, or minor siblings who are close in age, engaging in mutual affection or experimentation, without coercion, force, or intimidation. It may be two siblings alone, it may be three or more siblings, or it may be two or more siblings involved together with one or more people outside of the immediate family.

These myths need to be addressed, because they perpetuate inequality, discrimination, hardship, confusion, stigmas, ignorance, and fear.

Myth #1 “It doesn’t happen” or “It happens very rarely” or “I don’t know anyone who has done this.” Just because one person hasn’t been involved or doesn’t remember being involved with sibling doesn’t mean it isn’t happening with others. It is, and it always has. Ongoing sexual relationships between siblings are common enough that everyone knows someone who is, or has been in, such a relationship, and far more siblings than that have had an encounter or experimented, explored, or played doctor. Reality: We all know people who've been involved, whether we know it or not.
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Wednesday, November 22, 2017

It's Thanksgiving Week in the US

This national holiday always falls on the fourth Thursday of November.

Thanksgiving Day is a huge holiday in the US, centered mainly around a special family meal. In case you haven't noticed, Americans like to eat a lot. Since Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday, Friday is a holiday as well (at least as far as the government is concerned). Because Thanksgiving is considered to specifically be about family togetherness, it can be a painful time for those who have been rejected by their family because of their gender identity, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or choice in partner(s). Some LGBTQ people, polyamorous people, and those in consanguineous, intergenerational, or interracial relationships are reminded every year that even their own family hates them.

Some people make the best of this and plan a Thanksgiving meal with friends. I throw out a special “good for you” to anyone who hosts such a meal this holiday. Keep up the good work. I think such gatherings are much more enjoyable anyway. If you don't have one to go to, consider hosting your own!

But I also have words for anyone who has driven away or banned someone in their family because of that other family member’s identity, orientation or partner(s): Shame on you. You don’t have to like your family member’s sexuality or how they live. But you should reach out to them and support them instead of driving them away. Every person at that table does things you don’t like. Why single out a family member for punishment because of who they love? If your family member has a partner whose family is more accepting, guess who is going to win? Guess who is going to get to play with any grandkids/nieces/nephews? Not you. Think about it. Maybe it isn't too late to make amends and have them over for this year's holiday. This might help.

If you can’t go “home” for Thanksgiving and you are feeling down and you haven’t managed to make plans with friends, consider hosting your own Thanksgiving and invite some friends. Or, volunteer at a homeless shelter or some other charity location that will be helping people that day. Don’t allow sadness or loneliness to take hold. You can find a place where you will be welcomed.

Do you have any special plans for this holiday week? Are you going to be coming out, or trying to start or rekindle something with someone special? You can comment anonymously below or write an email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.
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Tuesday, November 21, 2017

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #5

“It's not natural." Many people have been embarrassed by making this argument, because it is so easy to refute by a cursory survey of sexual, mating, and partnering habits of various animals. But invariably, the person saying that a relationship should not be allowed because they think it is unnatural constantly enjoys things that aren’t natural, from their smart phones to their toiletries to their food to their clothing to their transportation to their housing… on and on it goes. “Hey! You can’t ride a bicycle! It’s not natural!” See how ridiculous that is?

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #4

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #6 
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Saturday, November 18, 2017

Not Too Close For Comfort

A comment came in on our popular entry "Aunts and Nephews"...
I'm currently in an active sexual relationship with my nephew. We aren't blood or marriage related. His mom and I are best friends and I helped raise him. The last time I saw him he was 11, we reunited now that he's 18 approaching 19. I'm 34. The attraction was instant and mutual. I feel like I am betraying my friend however, the amount of enjoyment and satisfaction I get from this guy is worth the risk. I think she suspects we're intimate but there's no proof. Her boyfriend is quite jealous that I don't look in his direction and tried to out nephew and I... Good luck, we both deny until we die! I don't want to stop, and neither does he. Any thoughts?
It's time to write a long-overdue essay on "fauxcest" or "nearcest" of whatever else this can be called. So that's below. But first, let's answer the questions raised Anonymous.

1) You two are consenting adults. You should be free to have this relationship. There's nothing wrong with having this relationship.

2) "I feel like I am betraying my friend..." This is not a rational reaction. It is a feeling that is based in prejudices and faulty reasoning. Your "nephew" would certainly be sexually active with someone, whether his mother is comfortable with that thought or not. Why is it is a bad thing that is with someone who already knows and cares about him? Sex isn't a bad thing, unless you are doing it wrong.

Someone might say to you "He's young enough to be your son" or to him "She's old enough to be your mother." But so what? Someone might go a step further and say he must be harboring a secret desire for his mother and you for your son (if you have one). That may or may not be true, but even if true, neither of you would find any scolding from us. It is very common for people to find someone who is like one of their parents or siblings, for example.

There's a chance your relationship will be outed (some of this advice might be helpful). And, it is likely that if that happens, your friend will be very upset with you. She might try to attribute her anger to the secrecy, but that would most likely just be an excuse. Neither of you is under any obligation to tell her the details of your sex life. If she finds out and is angry, give her time to cool off. You can tell her you understand her feelings without denying your entitlement to your love life. Many parents get upset at the thought of their child (even though their child is an adult) having sex. Some people get upset that someone they know is having sex  with someone to whom they're related. Neither reaction is based on logic, but rather things like aversion to change, feeling old, and even envy.

After she cools  off, she might realize that it can be a better thing that her son is with someone who has already known and cared for him. Some of this applies.

Enjoy what you have. There's no reason you shouldn't. Goodness knows there are many people out there who are miserable in a relationship or lonely. Why deprive anyone, especially yourself, of happiness?
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Friday, November 17, 2017

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #4

“My religion is against it.” If you don’t want an (adult) intergenerational, interracial, same-gender, polygamous, or consanguineous relationship or marriage, then don’t have one. But we should all have the freedoms of religion and association and in places like the US, we have separation of church and state, so this can’t be a justification for denying marriage equality or other relationships rights.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #3

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #5 
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Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Frequently Asked Question: Can Siblings Marry?

The following is based on my understanding. I’m not at attorney and this should not be considered legal advice.

Can siblings marry?

I’m not aware of any government that will currently marry full-blood siblings or recognize a marriage of full-blood siblings; rather, if it was discovered by the authorities after an official marriage was formed that the spouses were, in fact, siblings, the marriage would be dissolved and considered invalid. If the spouses knew they were siblings when they married, they would be subject to prosecution. If they discovered the genetic relationship after getting married, they would have to file for an annulment or dissolution or risk prosecution.

Where sibling consanguinamory isn’t still banned by law, siblings can have a wedding ceremony and live the married life, although under discrimination, as their government will not recognize their marriage and they will not get treated equally.

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Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Australian Leadership Can Make a Bold Move for Equality

The people of Australia have made it clear they support the rights of more people to marry. Those of us on the right side of history are happy to see more people around the world being free to have the relationships to which they mutually agree and to live out their gender identity. The leadership of the country can make a bold move for equality and take a leadership position in civil rights by bringing about full marriage equality.

This blog, and the related Facebook page, calls for relationship rights for all adults, including full marriage equality. When we say that an adult should be free to marry any and all consenting adults, we actually mean it. We have not hidden that.

As we see, there is no good argument against full marriage equality. So let's stand up for the rights of ALL adults to have the relationships to which they mutually agree.

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BREAKING: Australians Vote For More Freedom to Marry

Hooray for Australians for voting to increase the freedom to marry!

Keep evolving towards full marriage equality!
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Saturday, November 11, 2017

Sometimes the Ice Just Needs Breaking

Anonymous submitted this at this blog's sister Tumblr.
Hi, Keith. If a mother and son love each other and feel attraction between them, I see no reason they could not date or make love. Even if they just want to have casual sex. Many sons and mothers living together and dreaming about each other. They only need to break the ice to finally get closer as they intend!
Read how I responded.
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Friday, November 10, 2017

Veterans Day

Today is the Veterans Day holiday in the US.

I can’t help but think of the men and women who risked their lives (and those who gave them) and endured so many things in service to their country, who weren’t and haven’t been free to be who they really are and share their lives openly with the person or persons they love.

Recent years have brought progress, and we have to fight to keep what we've gained while still looking for more progres. Problematic laws and policies remain, and, of course, LGBTQ people, the polyamorous and consanguinamorous still endure the the threat of prosecution, persecution, or discrimination.

Shouldn’t someone who risked their life for this county be able to marry more than one person, or a biological relative? Or at least share a life with the person(s) he or she loves without a fear that their own government will be against them? Is bravery and valor negated if a man loves more than one woman, or his long lost sister? Shouldn’t a woman who served be free to marry both of the women she loves?

Let’s thank our veterans, especially those who are still being treated as second class citizens.
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NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #3

“Not a lot of people want to do it” or “I don’t want to do it.” This is not a justification for keeping something illegal. If anything, it is a reason laws against consensual adult relationships are wasteful and unnecessary. But we don’t deny minorities rights based on majority vote. Also, people would be surprised to know just how many people around them are in, or want to be in, or have been in, a relationship that is currently illegal or otherwise discriminated against.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #2

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #4
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Thursday, November 9, 2017

Update on Unjust Prosecution in Oklahoma

Here's an update on an a reunion GSA case we last covered in this entry. As reported by Nolan Clay at
A woman who married her mother has pleaded guilty to incest and been put on probation.
Misty Velvet Dawn Spann, 26, pleaded guilty Tuesday in Stephens County District Court to the felony charge.
Better probation than prison, but this shouldn't be a crime in the first place.
She was sentenced to 10 years of probation and ordered to get counseling. She also must pay a $1,000 assessment, a $991 fee and court costs.
Outrageous. Adults have a fundamental right to marry.
Misty Spann and her mother, Patricia Ann Spann, 44, married in Lawton in March 2016 and lived together in Duncan, records show.
The two were charged in September 2016 after a DHS child welfare worker learned of the relationship and reported it to Duncan police.
Who was being harmed???
The incest charge against the mother is still pending.
The marriage was annulled last month after a judge concluded the mother had induced her daughter "by fraud to enter the marriage."
In her request for the annulment, Misty Spann complained her mother claimed to have "consulted with three separate attorneys who advised there would be no problem with the marriage."
Notice that's not "I don't want to be married," but rather that she thought it was legally OK.
The mother told the DHS worker she "had looked into it" and felt no laws had been violated "because her name was no longer listed on Misty's birth certificate," police reported.
Thankfully, the vast majority of consanguinamorous relationships aren't brought to the attention of law enforcement and prosecuted. Like it or not, there are genetic mothers and daughters who are, as you're reading this, hugging, kissing, making love, sleeping together and you'll never find out who they are and you'll never stop them. Some of them might even be "legally" married. Some are married in every way but other the law.

UPDATE March 15, 2018

If you're in a consanguinamrous relationship, you need to protect yourself and your lover(s).
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Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Now May Be the Time for New Jersey and Rhode Island to Make History

Yesterday was an “off year” Election Day in the US, meaning there were a few state and local elections.

Soon, members of the Democratic Party will have the Governorships of both New Jersey and Rhode Island and majorities in both houses of each state’s legislatures. Democratic Party legislative goals can be reached by the passing of laws that will be signed, rather than vetoed, by the Democrat Governors. Out of the two major political parties in the US. the Democratic Party was more supportive of progressing towards marriage equality.

Neither of these states have criminal laws against consanguinamory.

This legislative session coming up may be the best time for the states to modernize their marriage laws to bring them in line with full marriage equality. They should repeal any law that prevents consenting adults from marrying and positively affirm the rights of adults, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, to marry any and all consenting adults.

This could lead to a case that could go to the Supreme Court, and the Court could rule in a way that removes laws discriminating against ethical nonmonogamy and consanguinamory. The Court currently has the same philosophical composition that moved marriage laws closer to full marriage equality in 2015. How much longer this will be the case is uncertain, but it is possible the Court could become less friendly to civil rights if the current President has the opportunity to replace any more members of the Court.

A window will soon be open that could allow for a great advancement of civil rights. Will the leaders of New Jersey and Rhode Island have the courage to make history and bring about full marriage equality in their states and, possibility, nationwide?

If they need  inspiration, try this:

The right to marry or to personal consortium shall not be abridged or denied in this state on account of sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, ancestry, consanguinity, affinity, or number of participants.
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Tuesday, November 7, 2017

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #2

“It goes against tradition.” So did the abolition of slavery. In reality, (adult) intergenerational, interracial marriages, same-gender marriages, polygamous or polyamorous marriages, and consanguineous marriages are nothing new. Some of these were entered into by prominent religious leaders and historical royalty. Regardless, a tradition of inequality is not a justification for continuing to deny equality.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #1

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #3 
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Monday, November 6, 2017

Be Afraid! Be Very Afraid!

Are you bothered that there are people who are in love even though they are close relatives? Do you think the world is falling apart when you hear about them?

Well, guess what?

RIGHT NOW, and any moment of every day, there are thousands, maybe millions of them in the throes of ecstasy with each other, making love, having sex, embracing, kissing, having orgasms. Maybe even three, four, or more lovers all together! Related!!! And they’re going to keep doing it whether you like it or not.

Yet the planet keeps turning.

Does that bother you?

If it does, you might want to get some help.
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Epic Takedown of Hater by Polyamorous Consanguinamorous Mom

In addition to having a lot of fetishists, Tumblr appears to also have some people in actual consanguinamorous relationships. Some of their blogs are NSFW, and others are relatively SFW, like the sister blog to this very blog you're reading. Here's a text entry at a Tumblr, "Mommy With A Crush," which is a generally NSFW blog. This text entry, however, should be reblogged and sent all over. "Mommy With A Crush" is about a mother in a relationship with her son, and in this entry she responds to an anonymous (of course) hater who sent a message to berate her and say he hopes her blog is fake...
Up until about 2 years ago, I would have been right there with you. I grew up in a very religious, conservative home. And, to a somewhat lesser degree, that is the home that my husband and I have established for our family because he had a similar background to mine. In that kind of environment, my reaction would have been the same as yours: outrage and disgust.
Feelings of disgust are understandable. If someone has a strong Westermack Effect in their life, they're going to feel disgust about the thought of having sex with their own close relatives. The problem comes when they insist everyone else has to feel the same way about their own close relatives. Not everyone does, and the disgust of persons A, B, and even C should not interfere in the love lives of person Y and Z.
But then, almost two years ago, I suddenly had to start dealing with feelings that I discovered inside myself that flew in the face of my beliefs. I did not ask to have those feelings, nor were they secret desires I’d hidden for a long time. They were simply a development of what I already felt toward my son in a direction I never expected them to go. And yes, they terrified me and disgusted me too. And, like you, I was very judgemental and negative toward myself for having those feelings.
More people find themselves in this situation than most people think.

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