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Monday, August 26, 2019

How Common Are Swinging Parties?


Here is his answer to the question "How Common Are Swinging Parties?"

Very. Very very very. There are a lot of swingers in the world. 
If you’re near any reasonably-sized Western town, there’s probably a swing party or three happening somewhere in town on any given weekend, not including all the private sex parties and play parties happening in private homes. 
If you’re in a larger town or small city, I can pretty much guarantee there are swinger events happening near you, on average, at least four or five days a week. If you’re in a major city, I’ll bet money a sex party is taking place within five miles of you on any given weekend.
This idea that most people are cisgender heterosexual lifelong monogamists (or serial monogamists) who fit neatly into traditional gender roles and marry one person of the "opposite sex" who is the same race as them and not "too closely" related and they have vanilla sex in their bedroom 2-3 times per week and rarely anywhere else is something that just doesn't match up with reality.

There are people who are voluntarily celibate and/or chaste, whether they are asexual or not.

There are people not far from where you are right now who are transgender or genderfluid.

There are people not far from where you are right now who...
  • Are in a relationship/marriage with someone of a different race.
  • Are in same-sex monogamous or monogamish relationships, including marriage.
  • Are ethically nonmonogamous, whether they are swingers or in open relationships or are polyamorous or somehow engaged in, and/or prone to, some forms of consensual, honest nonmonogamy.
  • Are in, or oriented towards, romantic and/or erotic relationships with close relatives.
  • Engage in what are considered kinks or fetishes that only involve consensual interactions with others.
You don't even realize it about many of them, especially if you aren't looking for it. So many of these people lead otherwise "regular" or "traditional" lives.

Our laws, institutions, workplaces, policies, and programs must take these things into account. Affirming relationship rights, including full marriage equality, will help with that.
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Thursday, August 22, 2019

What Genealogists Know

With each previous generation you trace back, the maximum possible number of your genetic ancestors doubles. You can have 2 parents, up to 4 grandparents, up to 8 great-grandparents, up to 16 great-great-grandparents, etc.

On average, there are about four generations per century. For people born in the year 2000, their 8 great-great-grandparents were probably born around 1900. Sometime around 1800 their great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparents were born (there may be up to 128 of them). About 29 generations back, or roughly around the time of 1250-1300, the total number of your possible ancestors for that generation equals or exceeds the total population of the planet, which was about 500 million people.

What gives? Well, first of all, if all 500 million of those people were your ancestors, they would also be the ancestors of all of the rest of us, too.

Secondly, you probably don’t have every person alive back then as your ancestor. There wasn’t a lot of interracial or intercultural parenting going on back then. People were more isolated, more people lived in rural countrysides rather than dense urban areas, and people were not nearly as geographically or socially mobile as they are today. It was very common for a person to be born in and to die in the the same village or town, having lived all of her or his life there.

This means that for many, many, many, many generations, there was a lot of what most people would call today “inbreeding.” If your spouse wasn’t your first cousin, your spouse was likely a second or third cousin, or a second cousin-once removed, or even your double-cousin, etc. And as I’ve noted before, even if they weren’t marrying them, people were having children with siblings, aunts or uncles, etc. (Even if not having children together, what do you think went on, given that pubescent teens, like most children, were usually sharing a bedroom?) Not only did these things not destroy humanity, but in Europe, the Renaissance was birthed in these conditions.

Coming back to around 1800, very few people are likely to have 128 great-great-great-great-great-great-grandparents, just like very few of those people in 1800 had 128 of them in 1600. Because chances are, some of your recent ancestors were cousins, if not closer. If you marry your first cousin, you have no more than six genetic grandparents between you, instead of eight. If your parents are first cousins, you have six great-grandparents instead of eight.

If “inbreeding” was as detrimental as common misconception says, none of us would be here.

 
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Sunday, August 18, 2019

Swinging Around the Family Tree

I know more than one polyamorous relationship that involves close relatives. In some cases, a consanguinamorous relationship is involved, meaning the close relatives are partners, and in other cases, they are not with each other but are with the same person or part of the same polycule. Some famous male polygynists in plural marriages are married to sisters. Traditional polyandry in places like India usually involves a woman married to multiple brothers.

I’m always interested in hearing from more people in such relationships. I’m also interested in hearing from others who may or may not be in ongoing relationships, but have been been in sexual situations, whether planned or not, where a relative (blood, step, adopted, on in-law,) perhaps a cousin, sibling, parent, uncle, aunt, adult child, nephew, or niece was involved or at least present. For example, someone goes to a play party and is surprised to find their sibling there. Or maybe it was a private threesome with siblings or parent and their adult child.

Basically, I’m looking for people who’ve been to the intersection of polyamory or swinging or threesomes/moresomes (and those three are NOT synonyms, by the way) and family connections.
I do realize that many nonmonogamous people are completely opposed to consanguinamorous relationships, and I also know some people in consanguinamorous relationships think monogamy is the only right way. That is one of the reasons I’m seeking people who’ve experienced the intersection of sexuality with more than two people involved or present + legal or blood relation. I know some. I’m looking to hear from more.

And I’m always looking for anyone who wants to be interviewed or just wants to correspond who is, or was, in a “forbidden” consensual adult relationship (including monogamous ones) or now that faces cultural, familial, or legal opposition (interracial, intergenerational, gay, polyamorous, polygamous, open, consanguineous, etc.)

Please write me via my Tumblr http://fullmarriageequality.tumblr.com or Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/fullmarriageequality or email fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

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Saturday, August 17, 2019

Multiplying Taboos - Her Side

We recently featured an interview with a man who has a secret, long-term affair ongoing with his adult daughter. She wanted to provide her side of the story, so here it is.

This blog is here to advocate for the rights of all consenting adults to be together how they mutually agree. Included in that is supporting ethical or consensual nonmonogamy. Unfortunately, because of lingering laws and prejudices about consanguinamory, many people can't be open about their attractions and experiences; cheating, which we do not advocate, can happen in such a negative environment as people do not feel free to discuss things openly and honestly with their partners, or anyone else for that matter. Again, we don't advocate cheating, but we recognize that some consanguineous sex does happen in the context of cheating. Still, there are things we can learn about relationships in general and consanguineous relationships especially by interviewing people who have had such experiences.

The woman interviewed below is married to a man and having a longtime secret affair with her biological father, who is married to her mother.

In much of the world, including all but a couple of US states,both the father and daughter could be criminally prosecuted for this, not for the cheating, but for having sex with each other.


Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say. You may think her relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic; you might find the cheating to be unacceptable. But whatever your reaction, should this be a crime? If their spouses were agreeable, shouldn't they be able to be open about their relationship and even marry? Also, notice that aspects of the relationship are common to consanguineous relationships that don't involve cheating, too. We don't condone cheating, but even a relationship that involves cheating can help give an understanding of the dynamic of consanguineous relationships, as this is happening everywhere.


WARNINGS: Mildly explicit sexuality and cheating.
 

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Thursday, August 15, 2019

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #20

"It is sick! These relationships are dysfunctional!" This is almost always a thinly disguised variation of Discredited Arguments #1, #3, or #19. There are many mentally healthy people in healthy, functional, consanguinamorous relationships.

As this blog and others have repeatedly shown, there is no good reason to keep laws, discrimination, or stigmas against consanguinamory (consanguineous or consensual incest sex or relationships) that is consistently applied to other relationships. One of the grasping-at-straws assertions that one might make when all of their justifications for denying rights fails is "people who do that are sick" or "those relationships are dysfunctional."

Before we do anything else, let's make it clear that we're talking about consensual sex and relationships, not abuse. It's not fair to point to abuse, assault, child molestation, etc. by a close relative as an example of how "incest" is "sick".

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Friday, August 9, 2019

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #19


“There are so many people outside of your family. Go marry/have sex with one of them, instead. It creates friendships between families.” There are plenty of people within one’s own race, too, but that is no reason to ban interracial marriage. I have many friends outside of my family to whom I’m neither married nor married to a relative of theirs. On the other hand, don't we all know unrelated married couples who actually drive their relatives apart from each other? Let adults marry the consenting adult(s) of her or his choice.

Telling someone who is happy with their lover that they should dump that person (or even be prosecuted for being with that person) and should be denied their right to marry because there is someone else they can be with instead is an arrogant and usually, very much a cruel intrusion into someone else's life. How would the person who says this like it if someone told them they had to drop their lover (if they have one) and go find someone else, even though they are consenting adults who want to be together and are happy together?

There are people in consanguinamorous relationships who could never find as much love and happiness with someone else, and trying to force them to do so isn't fair to anyone, including the person for whom they "settle." There are people who are consanguinamorous in their orientation.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/discredited-invalid-arguments.html

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #18

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #20
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Sunday, August 4, 2019

You're Not Alone and Affection Isn't Wrong

Some of the people who find this blog are feeling alone, isolated, or confused.

If that's you, you might need to read this:

There's nothing wrong with consenting adults sharing affection, or wanting to share affection. There's nothing wrong with consenting adults getting playful and experimenting with each other, exploring different sensations and ways of interacting with each other.

Relationships and sexual affection don't have be limited to a heterosexual, monogamous framework that follows a narrow casting and choreography. You can be with people of the same gender as you. You can be with more than one person, including people who are different genders from each other. You can be with other adults who are younger than you, older than you, a different race than you, have a background that's very different from you. You can be with people who are closely related to you by genetics or by law. (This isn't to say that some places don't still have unjust laws against some relationships or affection.)

When you are with these people, your physical affection with them might include, or not, countless different things. You might explore things considered kinky or strange or taboo.

People have done these things all throughout history, wherever there have been people. They are doing them now - right now, not far from where you are. You are not alone.

It doesn't matter if some people haven't liked that other people have done these things. What matters is what you and your lover(s) mutually consent to do.

It is OK to try things and then decide you don't want to do those things again, or maybe you'll try it again some other time, but not soon. It's OK to want to try new things even if you have been doing the same thing for a while. Desires change. Curiosities evolve. Tastes shift.

Different things you want might have the potential for effects that you might not want. There is information about minimizing the possibilities of such effects, whatever they are.

Don't let the prejudices of others and the restrictions they have placed on themselves or the fears smothering them prevent you from having the relationships and sex life you want to have. If you need someone else to tell you that it is OK to enjoy or at least try something, this is it!

If you want someone to talk with, contact me.
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