The Point

An adult,

regardless of gender, orientation, race, or religion

should be free to share

love, sex, kink, residence, relationships, and marriage

with any and all consenting adults,

without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Love Must Win

Love Will Win

“I’m Stuck at Home With Family”

If staying home has (or had) you thinking about sex with a family member, you’re not alone. Over the past two years, more people than usual have been contacting me or finding this blog with questions like...

Do siblings have sex?
Is it OK to have sex with your mother?
How do I have sex with my brother?
Is it normal to feel horny for my dad?
I fantasize about my daughter.
I want my sister.
I'm feeling attracted to my son.
Should I try to have sex with my mom?
Can I do it with my brother?
Do brothers and sisters have sex?
Is it weird that I want to make love to my brother?
How can I tell if my son wants to have sex with me?
I think my brother is giving me signs he wants to have sex.
How do I seduce my father?
Do people ever have sex with their parents?
I've wanted my son for years, and now that we're home together all of the time I need him.

People are stuck at home and they are considering relieving their sexual tension with a family member, and they have questions.

Lockdowns, shutdowns, staying home, self-isolating, quarantines... people are stuck home and, in many cases, that means being without a partner, a lover, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a date, a booty call, a hookup, or a chance to meet someone.... unless that someone is someone who lives with them. People are stuck at home with their family members, and many of them are feeling horny, missing sex, feeling deprived of sex. They have urges and needs. They’re frustrated.

There are mothers who want to see if their son or daughter is down for some fun. There are sisters who want to know if they can get together with their brother. Their are sons who ache to be with their mother or father. Or both.

You get the idea.

Whether they are blood family or step or adopted, or maybe not even officially family but have been living together, people are wondering, fantasizing, itching. Masturbation only does so much. A family-with-benefits experiment, or something more romantic, are very real possibilities.

Is it OK? Yes, if everyone involved consents, it is OK.

There is no good reason people who want to be affectionate with each other should deny themselves and each other, if they mutually agree to that affection. Even if it is embraces, caresses, shoulder rubs, kisses... it needn't go any further than you mutually agree. But many of you who dare to do more will find it extremely pleasurable.

You might feel like you're odd, but it is far more common than most people think, and the indication I have is that more people than ever are doing it right now. Whether you’ve never considered it before or you’ve wanted it for a long time, why wait? If you can't think of a good reason to wait or hold back, don't! Just don't be crude or overbearing in how you go about this. If you need more inspiration, read about just a few of the people who’ve already enjoyed this. You love and care about each other. Why not be affectionate, if that is that is what you want?

And if you're separated from a relative right now that you'd like to have fun with through technology, see this.

Feel free to contact Keith if you want to discuss this.

For further reading...

Why Do I Feel This Way?

When Someone You Love Wants to Love You More

Consanguinamory (Consensual Incest) FAQ

More About This Blog

Ringing in the New Year At Home?

Are you going to be at home with family while ringing in the New Year?

Who will you be kissing at midnight?

If you do find, or already have found, yourself having feelings for. or sharing affection with, family members, you're definitely not alone. It appears that the last couples of years has seen more of that than any previous time in history. And, as it was before COVID-19, it was common enough for close relatives to share sexual or romantic affection that you certainly know people who have. You are NOT alone.

Whether you're blood relatives, step relatives, adoptive relatives, in-laws, or honorary relatives, there's nothing wrong with your feelings and, depending on the circumstances, there may be nothing wrong with sharing more affection. 

Will you make the most of this time?

You might need to read one or more entries on this blog that I list below. Feel free to contact me.

Here's a special message for young people.

Consanguinamory (Consensual Incest) FAQ

It's more common than most people think for close relatives to share sexual affection or experimentation. Intrafamilial sex and romance is as old as time.

Do You Have Feelings For a Close Relative?

Do you think or know that a close relative has feelings for you?

Yes, it is OK. But should you "do it" in your specific situation?

You might be able to make it happen. If you're the parent, there is more to consider.

Taking it slow and cautiously might be the way, unless the two (or three, or...?) of you can't hold back. Sometimes, the ice just needs breaking.

Stepsiblings, stepparents, and stepchildren might want to read this.

Are you considering coming out as consanguinamorous?

A message for family and friends.

How To Be An Ally to Consanguinamorous People You Know

Are you considering, or involved in, a situation that isn't monogamous?

Read exclusive interviews with close relatives who are involved in everything from spousal-style relationships to family-with-benefits arrangements.

If you've already shared sexual affection and are trying to sort everything out, this might help. 

If you can't be together geographically, you might be able to make the most of the distance. 

Again, you can contact Keith and you can comment below (including anonymously), so please share your thoughts, experiences, questions, plans, or anything else you want to share. 

As 2021 Gives Way to 2022

We hope you've had or wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Yuletide Greetings, Solstice Salutations, Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays!

Whatever holidays you celebrate, or even if you don't celebrate any, we wish you a fabulous season full of warmth and love.

As it is time for the end-of-the-year and New Year holidays, this blog may not be updated as often as normal for the next few weeks. However, I will be checking, daily or more often, the various ways people can get in touch with me.

May you and your loved ones have peace, health, and happiness.

Some of you are, or will be, heading home for the Winter holidays and school breaks. Some of you have been home because you always are, and still others have been home or are heading back home due to physical distancing during the pandemic. Whichever is your situation, a lot of you are, or will be, spending more time at home with family.

If you're LGBTQ, polyamorous or any other form of ethical, consensual, or disclosed nonmonogamy, consanguinamorous, or otherwise in a relationship (or, NOT in a relationship) and some in your family are prejudiced against you because of it: I'm so sorry. You are worthy of affirmation. May you get through this time with as little trouble as possible.

If you do find, or already have found, yourself having feelings for. or sharing affection with, family members, you're definitely not alone. It appears that this year has seen more of that during this pandemic than any other time in history. And, as it was before, it was common enough for close relatives to share sexual or romantic affection that you certainly know people who have. You are NOT alone.

Whether you're blood relatives, step relatives, adoptive relatives, in-laws, or honorary relatives, there's nothing wrong with your feelings and, depending on the circumstances, there may be nothing wrong with sharing more affection. 

Will you make the most of this time?

You might need to read one or more entries on this blog that I list below.

Here's a special message for young people.

Consanguinamory (Consensual Incest) FAQ

It's more common than most people think for close relatives to share sexual affection or experimentation. Intrafamial sex and romance is as old as time.

Do You Have Feelings For a Close Relative?

Do you think or know that a close relative has feelings for you?

Yes, it is OK. But should you "do it" in your specific situation?

You might be able to make it happen. If you're the parent, there is more to consider.

Taking it slow and cautiously might be the way, unless the two (or three, or...?) of you can't hold back. Sometimes, the ice just needs breaking.

Stepsiblings, stepparents, and stepchildren might want to read this.

Are you considering coming out as consanguinamorous?

A message for family and friends.

How To Be An Ally to Consanguinamorous People You Know

Are you considering, or involved in, a situation that isn't monogamous?

Read exclusive interviews with close relatives who are involved in everything from spousal-style relationships to family-with-benefits arrangements.

If you've already shared sexual affection and are trying to sort everything out, this might help. 

If you can't be together geographically, you might be able to make the most of the distance. 

Again, you can contact me and you can comment below (including anonymously), so please share your thoughts, experiences, questions, plans, or anything else you want to share. 

When In-Laws Get Along Really Well

If you're in an relationship that involves ethical/consensual/disclosed nonmonogamy, what if a partner of yours wanted to be with your sibling or parent? Martha Cliff of The Sun had an article that ran at nypost.com...

Self-described swinger Brook Maklin has outlined her unusual family arrangement in a few viral posts.

It's less unusual than most people would think.

In the videos on the account @brookmaklin213, the social media user can be seen with two women who she claims are her mom and her sister.

Speaking to the camera, Maklin claims that she shares her husband with her mum. 

There are people who embrace some form of nonmonogamy, but wouldn't ever want their partner to be with a family member, and people who aren't nonmonogamous themselves, but understand/support it as long as it doesn't involve in-laws (or blood relatives). But to others, including me, this is backwards. Who better for a partner to be with than your close relative? You love your partner, you love your family member, and you trust each other. Isn't that better than someone they picked up in a bar or an app? You all already know and love each other. Something polyamorists often deal with is what kind of relationship with any, to have with their metamour; if the metamour is a problem, that can be a big problem. But if their metamour is somomeone they already know and love, great!

Yes, We Support Consanguinamory

As this blog supports the rights of ALL who can consent to share love, sex, kink, residence, partnership, and marriage as they mutually agree, that necessarily includes consanguineous relationships, also known as consanguinamory, intrafamilial sexuality and romance, or consensual incest. This includes supporting people experiencing Genetic Sexual Attraction whether they are sexually affectionate or not. 

The "i" word often gets very strong reactions, but it is wrong to conflate abuse, assault, or molestation with romance, affection, or recreational sex between consenting people. That's one reason we prefer to use the term consanguinamorous or consanguinamory.

These relationships exist between close relatives who first meet well into adulthood as well as those who were raised with each other. They include "family with benefits" relationships and fully rounded romances. They can be youthful experimentation, golden years fun, short flings, lifelong spousal relationships, or everything between. They can be closed, monogamous pairings, open relationships, polyamorous, or otherwise nonmonogamous.

They also happen all over the planet and always have, regardless of race, class, educational status, or rural or urban settings. They are common enough that you know people who are having, or have had, such experiences, maybe even people you admire very much.

We fully support such affection.

We don't apologize for that.

We hope you do or will do the same.

We are here to help people who are in, have been in, or want to be in such relationships. We support their rights and aim to assist them in their relationships.

Yes, some people are disgusted by the very thought. That's fine. They don't have to be involved in these relationships. But they shouldn't be able to interfere in the relationships of others.

If you, or someone you know, has had such experiences, or you have questions or comments, you're always welcome to contact Keith. You can also comment below (including anonymously). There is also a place to get in contact with others.

Here are other entries that might be of some help.

Interviews With the Consanguinamorous

Why Is Consanguinamory Illegal In Many Places?

Why Do I Feel This Way?

When Someone You Love Wants to Love You More

Should You Do It?

Sometimes The Ice Just Needs Breaking

For Parents Considering Consanguinamory

You Did the Taboo - Now What?

Consaguinamory and Reproduction

Coping With Being Outed as Consanguinamorous

Coming Out Consanguinamorous

How To Be An Ally to Consanguinamorous People You Know

Chile Keeps Our Momentum Going

Chile is the latest country to secure the limited monogamous same-sex freedom to marry.

Let's keep going until an adult is free to marry ANY and ALL consenting adults, anywhere on the planet! Let's keep making progress towards full marriage equality!

Some same-sex couples have secured the freedom to marry in The Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, Iceland, Argentina, Denmark, Brazil, France, Uruguay, New Zealand, United Kingdom, Luxembourg, Finland, Ireland, Mexico, United States, Columbia, Malta, Germany, Australia, Austria, Taiwan, Ecuador, Costa Rica, Switzerland, and Chile!

A Couple of Lily Flag Variations

 

You may remember this flag featuring The Lily.

A nice lady who is in a loving relationship with her sister sent me two variations.

That one uses more of a pastel coloring.

She also send this one that was meant to shades of red for amplifying the blood relation meaning.

So nice! I really appreciate these variations!

"Will A Name Change Allow Siblings to Marry Legally?"

This was a question asked and answered at Quora. I'm crossposting it here.

"Will it work if we changed the name of my older sister in order to be able to get married legally?"

Getting a government marriage license and being in a valid legal marriage are two different things*, although there is often a lot of overlap.

Sweden and Brazil will LEGALLY marry HALF siblings under certain circumstances. I’m not aware of a government that will knowingly issue marriage paperwork to full siblings. In some places, the basis on which such paperwork is issued is birth certificates. If your birth certificate and her birth certificate indicate you share one or both parents, the marriage would be denied on those grounds.

Even if you could manage to get government paperwork issued despite the laws, this would be considered another crime if you were discovered by authorities to be in an invalid (according to them) marriage, and the marriage would be legally nullified.

Some of us are seeking to change laws so that there will be full marriage equality. Until then, if you want to marry your sister you are probably best off:

• Having a private ceremony. Only have people there you trust with your life (unless none of them know you are siblings, but even then, you run the risk of having pictures/video circulated to someone who DOES know). There are ordained clergy members who will perform a ceremony.
  
  
• Make up your own marriage certificate.
  
  
• Consider each other spouses and treat each other that way (much easier to do if you’re living where people don’t know of your relation).
  
  
• Consult a family law/estate planning attorney who can arrange for you to be as close to legally married as possible. DO NOT tell the attorney you are lovers. Rather, tell the attorney you want to be legally responsible for each other over and above any other relatives. You want joint accounts, you want power of attorney/medical power of attorney, you want to be reciprocal beneficiaries, inheritance between the two of you, etc.

Consider this. You haven’t witnessed the wedding of every married person you know. And even if you were at their wedding, you probably never saw any legal paperwork regarding them marrying. There are countless people in your life you accept as married, solely on the basis that they have introduced themselves/each other that way, or have behaved as spouses. You can live as a married couple on a social level, as well. Friend and neighbors aren’t going to ask for your marriage paperwork. This is especially so if you’re living where people don’t know you as siblings. Just be careful not to state in any legal paperwork that you’re legally married, because if they need to verify that, it can be a problem.

*In some places, people can be considered legally married if they have lived together as partners long enough and aren’t legally married to anyone else, despite never having filed any marriage paperwork. However, this isn’t yet applied to siblings, unfortunately.

Myth: It is Illegal Everywhere to Act on GSA

Reality: No it isn't. It is not illegal everywhere to act on Genetic Sexual Attraction by having consanguineous sex or a consanguinamorous relationship. There are many countries where it isn't criminalized and a few states in the US with no or only some criminalization of adult relationships.

Where there still is criminalization of relationships between consenting adults, those unjust laws must go.

It is important to keep in mind that even where consanguinamory isn't criminalized, lovers are usually still unprotected from discrimination or bullying. Also, full marriage equality is needed in order for them to marry. Even where criminalized, most lovers never are subjected to a criminal investigation, thankfully.

Lovers should protect themselves.

Friends and family should help protect and support them.

Let's make things better sooner rather than later.

See Myth: People Only Experience GSA Because They’d Heard About It or Knew of Their Relation

See Myth: Acting on GSA Needs to be Criminalized, Prosecuted, and Stopped

World AIDS Day

December 1 is World AIDS Day. It is very important to remember those we've lost to AIDS, to care for anyone battling AIDS, and to care for anyone with HIV.

We must continue to work for a cure and continue to fight the spread of HIV.

We should also never forget that stigmas, ignorance, bigotry, sex-negative attitudes and shaming helped spread HIV and AIDS.

Let's continue to work for a better culture in which people aren't shamed and marginalized for their sexuality, nor stigmatized for getting sick.

Happy Holidays! - Here They Come

We are heading into the holiday season. Happy Hanukkah to those who are observing or celebrating. 

Whatever holidays you celebrate, or even if you don't celebrate any, we wish you a fabulous season full of warmth and love, especially after a year that has been tough for so many of us. Be safe!!!

May you and your loved ones have peace, health, and happiness.

I plan to update this blog as I can over the next few weeks, so keep checking back. Or better yet, subscribe (Follow) in the column over there on the right (for those of you looking at the web version)  if you haven't done so yet.

As a reminder, if you need someone to talk with or you just want to say hello to Keith, you can do so, as always, by emailing fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or message him on Wire at fullmarriageequality or on Facebook.

Thanksgiving Time

This US national holiday always falls on the fourth Thursday of November. This year, that's November 25.

Things might still be different for many because they won't be travelling or won't be getting together, because of the lingering risks of spreading COVID-19.

Thanksgiving Day has been, in most years, a huge holiday in the US, centered mainly around a special family meal. In case you haven't noticed, Americans like to eat a lot. Since Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday, Friday is a holiday as well (at least as far as the government is concerned). Because Thanksgiving is considered to specifically be about family togetherness, it can be a painful time for those who have been rejected by their family because of their gender identity, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or choice in partner(s). Some LGBTQ people, polyamorous people, and those in consanguineous, intergenerational, or interracial relationships are reminded every year that even their own family hates them.

Some people make the best of this and plan a Thanksgiving meal with friends. I throw out a special “good for you” to anyone who has ever hosted a meal like that. Keep up the good work! I think such gatherings are much more enjoyable anyway. If you don't have one to go to next year, consider hosting your own!

But I also have words for anyone who has driven away or banned someone in their family because of that other family member’s identity, orientation or partner(s): Shame on you. You don’t have to like your family member’s sexuality or how they live. But you should reach out to them and support them instead of driving them away. Every person at that table does things you don’t like. Why single out a family member for punishment because of who they are or who they love? If your family member has a partner whose family is more accepting, guess who is going to win? Guess who is going to get to play with any grandkids/nieces/nephews? Not you. Think about it. Maybe it isn't too late to make amends and have them over for this year's holiday. This might help.

If you're feeling alone this time, please know that there are people who care. I care! Feel free to comment below or reach out to me.

Some of you are home or will be going home. Do you have any special plans for this holiday week? Are you going to be coming out, or trying to start or rekindle something with someone special? You can comment (anonymously, if you'd like) below or write an email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

Sharing Affection Doesn't Have to Be Limited

This comment was submitted on this blog's sister Tumblr...

Anonymous asked:

I go to a message board that is for lgbt people (but mostly lesbian & bi women). There was one user that got piled on because she said that as a lesbian the only man she would feel comfortable being intimate with was her dad. She did NOT even say she had done it, just that she would not say no to the idea. I might direct other users to this blog so they can learn not all sex is based on sexual attraction. A lesbian being intimate with her father has nothing to do with “sexual orientation”.

Here's my response...

It’s too bad she was attacked for being honest about a natural desire or possibility.

People share sex for many valid reasons in addition to sexual orientation.

Do people honestly think that, when a relationship has lasted decades, that everyone in the relationship has been sexually attracted to the other person(s) each and every time they’ve had sex over those decades? Heck no! But sometimes they do it for other reasons, like wanting to share affection with that person, and usually, they’ve all had a great time as a result.

It’s up to each individual whether or not they consent. If they do consent, nobody else should interfere. If they don’t consent, they shouldn’t be coerced into participating. If someone generally attracted to women consents to share affection with a man, that’s not a problem.

Who better to experiment with or share affection with than someone with whom you already have a bond of love?

Always feel free to send people my way.

Polyamory Day

November 23 is Polyamory Day!

I am polyamorous, but even if I wasn’t, we should all support the rights of all, including the rights of polyamorous people.

Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one loving intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

The image reads: November 23 is Polyamory Day. Celebrate!

Feel free to share this image anywhere that’s appropriate as long as you’re doing so in support of polyamory and polyamorous people. 

Let consenting adults love each other how they mutually agree!

Lovers in the UK Discover They Can’t Exercise Their Rights

This comment came in and I wanted to address it here…

Hi we're in desperate need of help and dont know what way to turn, My parents divorced when I was very young and I didn't know my father, my partner's father died in 1997, we've been in a very happy relationship for the past year and the subject of marriage has been mentioned, however over the past few days while researching our family's tree we discovered that we have the same father, we love each other and our feelings have not changed but we now realise that we'll never be able to marry, we're in the uk and the law here says that half siblings cant marry, can anyone suggest any thing else we can do to show our love for each other ie a non legal ceremony or something similar, thankyou

First of all, each situation is unique and anyone with anything similar should feel free to email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com. I won’t share anything you tell me privately with anyone else, unless you give me permission. I might be of more help, customized help, and help on an ongoing basis that way.

Next… do not reveal what you’ve discovered to anyone, at least not for now.

Until the laws of the UK catch up to full marriage equality, then yes, this is going to be an issue.

I don’t know how it works in the UK, but in at least some places in the US, some half siblings have been able to “legally” marry because the state (county) determined eligibility through their birth certificates, and their birth certificates didn’t show a shared parent. However, if the authorities were to discover the truth, the marriage would be invalidated and it could become a criminal matter.

Also in the US, people are free to have ceremonies that aren’t legally binding. None of the guests at weddings check to see if there is an actual valid government marriage license.

Of course, you can have a small private ceremony anywhere, as long as the wrong people aren’t informed.

There are half siblings living as spouses in the UK. I know some. Some have also hired an estate planning and/or family law attorney to create paperwork for them that provides as many of the legal aspects of marriage for them as possible, without actually being legally married. For example, they are reciprocal beneficiaries, and if one ends up in the hospital, the other can visit and make decisions for them, they have joint financial accounts, etc. If you go this route, do not tell the attorney you are half siblings who are having sex with each other. No attorney needs to know you are lovers, just that you want to be responsible for each other primarily, before any other relatives. 

You might want to consider moving to a country or jurisdiction in which half siblings are not criminalized for being lovers. France, Spain, many more countries, and three US states are included in that. However, the vast majority of half siblings living as spouses in the UK will never be subjected to a criminal investigation of the matter, thankfully. 

Again, do contact me privately so we can discuss this further.

For anyone who wants more information on reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction, read this.

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today, especially, we remember transgender people killed by hatred and ignorance. It's the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

For all transgender people reading this:

We value you. You are valid. You deserve to live your life free of prejudice, free of being attacked for who you are.

We are going to help make things better sooner rather than later.

Consanguinamory Is Definitely Not Abuse

Anonymous submitted this at this blog's sister Tumblr...

As a survivor of abuse by a relative I find it insulting when people compare situations like mine to consang relationships. To compare my trauma to a loving relationship. I fully support consang relationship and don't understand people who look at them and see what happened to me.

It wasn't them being my family that made them abusive it was their abusive behaviour. Blaming abuse on two people being related takes the blame away from the abusers and fails to recognise their actions.

Lurking in the consang community has helped me come to terms with my abuse. I had a lot of self hatred as I have felt attracted to family members at times and hated myself for becoming like my abuser but the community has helped me recognise that those feelings are miles away from abuse. So thank you to the online community for HELPING a survivor.

Here was my reply...

*****

This. This is an example of why I do what I do. I don’t accept payments. I don’t use advertising to get money. What I do is a labor of love, to help people. Letters like this are my reward.

Anonymous, I’m so sorry you were abused.

I’m so glad I and others have been some help to you.

Thank you so much for your support.

Thank you for your clarity and truth.

Thank you for reaching out with your comments.

Please feel free to write to me anytime.

You are a survivor. You are overcoming. More power to you!

*****

See this for more information about consanguinamory.

Ten Reasons Why Consensual Incest Is Wrong

1) Some people get abused by relatives. That makes consensual incest wrong the same way abuse/assault by non-relatives makes sex in general wrong.

2) Many people are disgusted by the idea. If something disgusts many people, it must be wrong for everybody! People are so disgusted by the possibility of having sex with a close relative that they always get DNA tests before having sex with anyone, to just be sure they aren’t having sex with a relative.

3) It increases the risks of birth defects, and anything that does that is wrong and shouldn’t be allowed, just like we don’t allow pre-menopausal women over the age of 35 to have sex, and we don’t let anybody with obvious, serious inheritable diseases have sex. Yup, this is why it is wrong for two half-brothers to fall in love, or why stepsiblings who didn’t even meet until they were teenagers shouldn’t be together. They might make a mutant baby!

4) It’s illegal in some places, and something being illegal always makes it wrong. You know, like harboring runaway slaves? That’s why having sex with your first cousin is wrong in Texas but just fine in almost every other US state, half of which legally marry first cousins, and why consensual incest between closer family members isn’t wrong in Rhode Island, which has no laws against consensual adult incest.

5) It’s not natural, and people should only be allowed natural things, like bicycles, smart phones, and iPads. OK, maybe it is natural in some species. But we shouldn’t lower ourselves to the behavior of other animals, who make wars and pollute the planet.

6) Someone’s religion is against it. And if someone’s religion is against it, nobody else should be able to do it. You’ll never find examples of acceptable consensual incest in the Bible.

7) There are so many people you’re not closely related to. That makes consensual incest (consanguinamory) wrong, just like there being plenty of people in your own race makes interracial relationships wrong.

8) Only rural poor people would ever do such a thing, not royals or educated people. And anything done by rural poor people is wrong.

9)There is often a power differential in consensual incestuous relationships, and relationships with power differentials are just wrong. That’s why no President of the United States, Senator, Governor, judge, district attorney, or police chief has ever been married, and we bar wealthy or intelligent people from marrying someone who isn’t as wealthy or intelligent as them. Yes, power differentials are exactly why half siblings close in age, even if they didn’t meet until they were adults, shouldn’t be allowed to be together.

10) It messes up family structures and dynamics. That’s why every family’s dynamics are always required to be evaluated and corrected by outsiders, and people are never allowed to break up if a breakup will mess up the dynamics of the family. And people are never allowed to work with family members, as that could cause conflicts or too much reliance on family. Yes, messing up a family dynamic is why genetic relatives who were raised by different families should never be allowed to be together.

Yup, we need to let all of those people who’ve found that a close relative makes the best life partner for them, or perhaps just a trustworthy sexual partner, know what they are doing is wrong and they should stop, and go settle for someone else, who I’m sure will be just fine being the B-list choice for someone who’d rather be with the person they see when the family gets together. People need to make sure they aren’t doing anything that makes anyone who’s not involved uncomfortable. That needs to come before their happiness.

This bit of sarcasm is brought to you by someone who supports the rights of ALL consenting adults to their relationships with any and all consenting adults.

Veterans Day

November 11 is the Veterans Day holiday in the US.

I can’t help but think of the men and women who risked their lives (and those who gave them) and endured so many things in service to their country, who weren’t and haven’t been free to be who they really are and share their lives openly with the person or persons they love.

Recent years have brought progress, and we have to fight to keep what we've gained while still looking for more progress. Problematic laws and policies remain, and, of course, LGBTQ people, the polyamorous, and consanguinamorous still endure the the threat of prosecution, persecution, or discrimination.

Shouldn’t someone who risked their life for this country be able to marry more than one person, or a biological relative? Or at least share a life with the person(s) he or she loves without a fear that their own government will be against them? Is bravery and valor negated if a man loves more than one woman, or his long lost sister? Shouldn’t a woman who served be free to marry both of the women she loves?

Let’s thank our veterans, some of whom were drafted into service, especially those who are still being treated as second class citizens.

Intersex Day of Solidarity

Today, November 8, and every day, we stand in solidarity with intersex people. 

It’s Intersex Day of Solidarity.

Our bodies, genders, orientations, and relationships are diverse. Every person should be free to be themselves and to share love, sex, and relationships if and as mutually agreed with others. This includes intersex people. 

Intersex people are not broken. We stand against discrimination against, and persecution of, our intersex friends, family, and neighbors.

Myth: People Only Experience GSA Because They’d Heard About It or Knew of Their Relation

Reality: There have been people who’ve experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction who were unaware of their genetic relation and had never heard of GSA before.

Trying to blame people for experiencing GSA can be like trying to blame someone for where they were born. 

Sons and daughters had no control over being placed in the circumstances that resulted in reunion GSA. Siblings usually didn’t either, although there are a few situations in which an older sibling, especially a half sibling, chose to be away from their younger sibling during the critical years of childhood, but it’s not immoral to, for example, go away to college or relocate for work or pleasure. While it is nice for family to visit, an adult older sibling has no moral obligation to make sure they are around their parent’s youngest child enough to ensure GSA doesn’t happen.

Genetic parents are more likely to have some control over the circumstances, but they don’t always. Some of them don’t even know they have a genetic child “out there” until that child, now an adult, shows up on their doorstep or in their online inbox.

GSA is a normal, natural reaction to the circumstances.

See Myth: If Only They'd Known Ahead of Time, GSA Wouldn't Have Happened

See Myth: It is Illegal Everywhere to Act on GSA

Casting Call For the Polyamorous

Are you polyamorous and interested in appearing in media?

I was contacted by someone who is working to cast a docu-series that will follow modern dating journeys. 

If you're polyamorous, you might want to check this out.

As always, I recommend being mindful of what media exposure will do for you personally (you might want to be cautious) and the benefits, if done right, it can have in making progress for the rights of all.

Myth: If Only They'd Known Ahead of Time, GSA Wouldn't Have Happened

Reality: There have been people who knew of their genetic relation and also knew about reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction, who were averse to the idea of sexual interaction between close genetic relatives, who have, nonetheless, experienced GSA.

The only way to be sure to avoid GSA is to either:

1) Never introduce/reunite genetic relatives raised apart, which is impossible given that they’ve been known to end up together without even intending to.

OR

2) Make sure they’re a regular part of each other’s life while growing up.

#2 May not be desirable for any number of reasons, but even close relatives who were raised together might end up having sexual interaction. For example, back in the 1970s studies revealed that about ten percent of people in their early twenties would admit to already having had (consensual, to be redundant) sexual contact with a sibling. This doesn’t even include contact with other close relatives. The percentage is probably higher today. While this usually doesn’t fall under what we define as GSA, it is still what people are worried about: close relatives enjoying each other sexually. So, avoiding the kind of distance that fosters GSA is still not an assurance that there will not be an attraction and/or some sexual interaction between close genetic relatives.

See Myth: GSA Feelings Will Go Away

See Myth: People Only Experience GSA Because They’d Heard About It or Knew of Their Relation

Halloween Is Coming!

Halloween is October 31 and it is celebrated widely and diversely here in the US.

Do you have any special plans for Halloween? Have you done or will you do anything fun or interesting this year at a Halloween party or event? So many were cancelled last year, and many places still have some limitations.

Whatever you do, please be careful and stay safe!

Here in the states, the stores depend on Halloween to sell a lot of merchandise. In typical years, there are parties, costume contests, what amounts to theatre in front of (and inside, sometimes) the homes of people as they try to scare or entertain neighbors and strangers with things ranging from silly to sexy, spooky to gory. In some places, kids (and often parents) in costumes go from door to door collecting candy or other treats.

Many amusement parks, ranging from small to the largest, do special entertainment in the weeks leading up to Halloween, and this is a favorite time of the year for movie studios to release horror movies, and for broadcasters to show ones from years past.

For some, there are religious or spiritual aspects to the day, and it might be called by other names.

Some interesting things can happen when people are having fun at costume parties, or cuddled up together watching scary movies. Maybe you'll be home with family or other loved ones, watching something good or playing some fun games?

So, as always, feel free to comment or share your plans or stories, including from years past. You can comment anonymously below.

Sad Bigots Lash Out

An Anonymous attack was left at this blog's sister Tumblr, and I'm going to cross-post the response here...

I try to avoid publishing "expletives" on my blog, so I copied & pasted this so I could edit the expletive...

*****
Anonymous asked:

why don't you shut the f--- up and accept that incest is never going to accepted in our world
*****

We see this happen over and over again with civil rights.

"Women will never get the vote."

"Negroes will never be allowed to go to school with whites!"

"Interracial marriage will never be allowed!"

And each time it is the same thing. The bigots don't have good arguments as to why people should be denied their basic rights, and so the bigots lose. Civil rights advance.

No matter how much the bigots hate it, there are consanguinamorous relationships all around them, and the laws of more countries are advancing towards equality. Many countries have no laws against related adults being together. And when people think the issue through, they tend to support equal rights, because there is no good reason to try to stop any consenting adults from loving each other how they mutually agree.

Myth: GSA Feelings Will Go Away

Reality: They might. That also means they might not.

Some people experiencing Genetic Sexual Attraction report that their feelings have lasted years while they avoided any sexual contact. Others report their feelings changing after sharing a sexual relationship. Still others report the feelings endure with intensity in an ongoing consanguinamorous relationship. There are other possibilities as well.

It is common for feelings to evolve in any relationship. Polyamorists often talk about New Relationship Energy and Old Relationship Energy. Most people know that relationships can often start with infatuation that may not last, and may or may not be replaced with other feelings.

It appears to be very rare for GSA to evaporate away by simply ignoring it. Family and friends who tell someone experiencing GSA to just forget about it or ignore it may mean well, but they're not aware of just how overwhelming it can be. Even people who recognize the person to which they’re attracted is bad news, even abusive, may still feel drawn intensely to them. This is yet another reason why GSA needs to be decriminalized, brought out of the shadows, and dealt with seriously and respectfully.


See Myth: Sex Will Always Ruin These Relationships

See Myth: If Only They'd Known Ahead of Time, GSA Wouldn't Have Happened

Consanguinamory and Reproduction

One of the most common reasons given to object to the right to consanguineous relationships is what I call the "mutant baby" argument. Even some people who support the right to consanguinamory and have even engaged in consanguineous sex themselves join with bigots in being strongly against close relatives having children together because of prejudiced backlash or the increased risk of birth defects.

In regards to the prejudiced backlash, the answer is not to let bigots have their way. It is for bigots to lose their power to bully, prosecute, and break up homes. Don't want children of consanguineous parents to have a hard time? Do not give them a hard time.

In regards to the increased risk of birth defects, scientific understanding is often lacking.

Most sexual encounters do not result in a birth. Many people who have relationships or marry never have genetic children together; some people in consanguinamorous relationships choose not to. So, we must recognize the differences between sex, marriage, parenting, and reproduction, and not ban the first three because of concerns about the last one.

But let's deal with that last one.

Most births to consanguineous parents do not produce children with significant birth defects or other genetic problems; while births to other parents do sometimes have birth defects. There are happy, healthy, bright, attractive people born to close relatives who are productive members of society. We all know some, whether we know it or not, and whether they know it or not. It is that common. (Sometimes, they were conceived by an abuser, but often, not by an abuser but by mutual lovers.) We don’t prevent other people from marrying or deny them their reproductive rights based on increased odds of passing along a genetic problem or inherited disease. For example, it is entirely legal in the US and most other places for someone with Huntington's Disease to date, have sex, marry, and have genetic children. How can such rights be denied to people who are genetically healthy, simply because they are close relatives?

It is true that in general, children born to consanguineous parents have an increased chance of genetic problems than those born to nonconsanguineous parents, but the odds are still minimal. (UPDATE: Please see this wonky elaboration written by a Friend of FME.) There are US states and there are countries where consanguinamory is not illegal or at least it isn't prosecuted. Sweden will legally marry half-siblings in some circumstances. A comparison of the rate of genetic problems in these places to places that criminalize and actively prosecute consanguinamory reveals no discernible increase in genetic problems in the places that embrace this relationship right.

If a natural talent or gift runs in the family, the children born to consanguineous parents will be more likely to inherit and manifest that beneficial result as well; a birth benefit. But there are increased odds of problem with births to older parents, too. There's no stigma assigned to that, and it isn't illegal for older people to date, have sex, marry, and have genetic children together.

Anyone concerned about these things should have genetic testing and counseling. People who are not close relatives can pass along health problems, too.

The "birth defects" argument also implies that people with disabilities or some other birth defect are living lives so terrible that they should never have been born at all. Yet, there are many such people who are leading happy, fulfilling, productive lives.

But a current problem, in some (not all) cases, is that in giving birth, consanguineous parents will be outing themselves to someone who is prejudiced, and there will now be evidence of their (in some places) illegal love that can be used against them.

There are consanguinamorous parents happily raising their healthy children together. But some consanguinamorous relationships face very real threats. Again, the answer is to stop the persecution and prosecution. There is no good reason to deny consenting adults their equal protection of having their relationship and reproductive rights.

Consanguinamorous or not, anyone engaging in heterosexual intercourse should be aware of the possibility of pregnancy, the various forms of birth control and other options available, and the realities if pregnancy, birth, and raising children.

UPDATE: Jane has a great essay on these topics here.

With all of that in mind, let's look at this thread on a consensual incest discussion board. (The discussion is explicit, so if you have a problem with that, you are warned.)

carebear82 wrote…

Spirit Day is October 21

Thursday, October 21 is Spirit Day. Among varying activities, people wear purple in support of LGBTQ youth, against bullying.

Nobody should be bullied, harassed, or discriminated against because of their gender, sexuality, or relationship diversities or those of their family members or friends.

Are you observing Spirit Day? Leave a comment below telling us about it.

How You Can Help

International Pronouns Day 2021

Wednesday, October 20, 2021 is International Pronouns Day. 

International Pronouns Day seeks to make respecting, sharing, and educating about personal pronouns commonplace. 

 

Referring to people by the pronouns they determine for themselves is basic to human dignity. Being referred to by the wrong pronouns particularly affects transgender and gender nonconforming people. Together, we can transform society to celebrate people’s multiple, intersecting identities.

It is also important to remember that if you're not ready to come out, or not ready to come out to specific people, and telling them your pronouns would out you, it is OK to wait until a later date.

Gender, Sexuality, and Relationship Diversities are something to embrace and support, not discourage or discriminate against.

Pennsylvania Must Bring Laws in Line With the Constitution

According to a paywalled story found here, a man charged for "incest" for having consensual (to be redundant) sex with another adult is challenging the Constitutionality of Pennsylvania's unjust, outrageous, and, yes, unconstitutional laws denying basic human and civil rights. Of course we wish this man well in fighting for civil rights and bringing the laws in line with the Constitution. Pennsylvania should be ashamed of having such terrible laws in place.

I found this related article from msn.com back on what was Independence Day, which is supposed to be a celebration of life, liberty, and happiness. Those are what are being denied to the consanguinamorous.

A brother and sister in their 30’s in Beaver County are being charged with incest after a relationship between the two was revealed.

Who was the victim of this "crime?"

According to the Beaver County Times, the two, half-siblings, both of Freedom, are being charged after police were told of the sexual relationship, which included the two having a child together.

Emphases mine.

DO NOT TELL THE POLICE!!! IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS!!!

We know that child is healthy, as most children born to these relationships are.. Otherwise, the article would have mentioned the child's health.

While police were investigating a reported physical assault at the home the two share, the woman told police the two had a child together.

Self-incrimination. DON'T MAKE THAT MISTAKE!

Police were also told that other family members knew of the relationship and the child.

Isn't it normal for family to know these things? Family should be supportive.

The Beaver County Times reports that the woman in the relationship had posted bail, while the man remains in jail on incest charges as well as simple assault and harassment charges.

If he has committed real crimes, try him on those. Sex with another adult shouldn't be crime. Families should not be broken up over it. Children should not lose their parents over it.

Being half-siblings (they share a biological father), this could be a reunion GSA case. Whether it is or not shouldn't matter to the law. Sex should not be a crime. These are consenting adults. The Conway Borough Police Department should only concern itself with crimes in which there are victims.

Pennsylvania and every other US state must drop unjust laws that prevent consenting adults from sharing love, sex, residence, kink, partnership, and marriage how they mutually agree. There is no good reason to arrest, prosecute, and incarcerate people for being consanguinamorous.

Females Who Mate With Their Brothers and Fathers

Fruit flies... we're talking about fruit flies. Below is the news I found on my own, but first is this take on it by Alex B. Berezow at realclearscience.com, provided by a kind friend of FME. Don't be shy about calling my attention to anything relevant to this blog.

The article says "inbreeding" isn't all bad, despite popular notions...

If acted upon by natural selection, bad mutations can be wiped out more easily, thus speeding the rate of evolution. And for some reason, third- and fourth-cousins that marry each other in Iceland have more children.

But what about the fruit flies?

When given a choice between a brother or a non-brother, females preferred mating with their brother. But, males did not prefer their sister. They simply tolerated mating with their sister, picking them roughly half the time. Similarly, females showed no preference when choosing between their father or a non-father, picking their dad about 50% of the time. Males wooed their moms, but no successful mating occurred.

Interesting.

The authors conclude that inbreeding occurs in fruit flies because it may increase their inclusive fitness.

The  article's author makes bigoted comments to make it clear he is disgusted, or at least wants us to think he's disgusted.

Source: Loyau A, Cornuau JH, Clobert J, Danchin É (2012). "Incestuous Sisters: Mate Preference for Brothers over Unrelated Males in Drosophila melanogaster." PLoS ONE 7(12): e51293. doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0051293

I am compelled to point out that consaguinamory and consanguineous sex or marriage do not necessarily mean inbreeding, and most children born to close relatives are healthy. And, as I often mention, what happens with other species, especially ones as different as fruit flies, doesn't necessarily apply to humans. But it is fun to have information like this handy when someone tries to tell you that consanguinamory is unnatural. Funny thing, is, none of these people who say this go a single day of their lives without unnatural things.

Here's the journal piece I had already found on this...

We investigated male and female mate preferences with respect to relatedness in the fruit fly D. melanogaster. Experiments offered the choice between a first order relative (full-sibling or parent) and an unrelated individual with the same age and mating history. We found that females significantly preferred mating with their brothers, thus supporting inbreeding preference. Moreover, females did not avoid mating with their fathers, and males did not avoid mating with their sisters, thus supporting inbreeding tolerance. Our experiments therefore add empirical evidence for inbreeding preference, which strengthens the prediction that inbreeding tolerance and preference can evolve under specific circumstances through the positive effects on inclusive fitness.

The information is extensive, complete with many references. It is good reading for those of you who enjoy scientific journals.

Coming Out Day

Life can be tough for someone whose identity and orientation doesn’t fit in to a little heterosexual, monogamous, "traditional"-gender-role box or whose relationship doesn’t meet the local sex police’s approved standards. Sometimes, a person or the people in a relationship want to come out of the closet. Sometimes they need to come out. For some of these people, it is a little less difficult if they do so as part of a communal event, such as National Coming Out Day.

National Coming Out Day is today, Monday, October 11. Here’s the official website, at least for the US. There is much helpful information there, regardless of where you live.

The more people that come out, the more the others around them will realize they do know and appreciate people who are LGBTQ, or polyamorous, or consanguinamorous, and that such people and relationships deserve equality. So coming out helps progress.

On the other hand, it is understandable that any given person, couple, triad, or quad decides to stay in the closet for now. There’s still so much hate, so much prejudice and persecution, and even unjust laws that hinder the life and love of people who are good citizens and just want to be themselves. I support the decision of anyone who believes they need to be reserved for now for the sake of their safety and family.

The decision to come out is yours. Do you want to come out, and to whom? Your friends? Your family? Your coworkers? Your classmates? Your neighbors? Your crush? The whole world?

Also, if someone comes out to you, the decision to be an ally is yours. If your classmate, coworker, neighbor, friend, parent, child, or sibling comes to you and says they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, pansexual, transgender, polyamorous, or in a consanguinamorous relationship, what will you do? Will you choose love and acceptance?

Even if you are heterosexual, monogamous, and nonconsanguinamorous, you may want to come out as an ally for full marriage equality. That alone can take courage, but it helps.

If you are planning to come out, or you do come out, please feel free to share your experience here by commenting. You can do so anonymously.