Most people are familiar with the struggle of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and transgender people to have the freedom to marry in the USA and many other places around the world. Some people can remember the struggle for interracial marriage in the USA. When someone cites the freedom for polygamous marriage or consanguineous marriage, some people dismiss those ideas. As disappointing as that is, it is not surprising.
Some LGBTQ+ people don’t understand the desire for polygamous or consanguineous marriage, often because the LGBTQ+ people discussing the issue aren’t interested in such relationships, or they find the very idea of them repulsive, and so they don’t see why those other relationships should have the freedom to marry.
Likewise, some people may want the freedom to polygynous marriage, but don’t understand polyandry or grouping, or same-gender marriage, or consanguineous relationships, or even interracial relationships, and find those ideas repulsive, and so they don’t see why those other relationships should have the freedom to marry.
And there are people involved in heterosexual consanguineous relationships who don’t want to get married and don’t understand or are repulsed by same-gender relationships or polyamorous relationships, and so don’t see the need for those groups to have the freedom to marry.
There are people who experience Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) who refrain from acting on their feelings and want to stop other people from acting on their GSA, or they don’t believe in or condemn FSA (Familial Sexual Attraction, which is between people who were not separated like with GSA), and don’t understand the need for consanguineous marriage.
Like many heterosexuals, some LGBTQ+ people do not want to get married, and may struggle to see just how important the freedom to marry is.
There are interracial couples in the USA who have exercised their freedom to marry, something that would have been denied to them not long ago, who do not see the need for others to have their freedom to marry.
All of these people have something in common. They all face denial of their rights, discrimination, and sometimes worse in many places around the world just because they don’t pass the sex-negative, heterosexual, monogamous, “racial purity” or nonconsanguineous tests set up by those who want to force everyone else to conform to their narrow view of sexuality and marriage, or want to keep other people from having what they have.
It’s all a matter of fairness and equality. Equality just for some is not equality. A person has the right to not only have a relationship with, but marry the consenting person or persons of his or her choice. It is time to allow everybody to exercise this right. We can get there if we have solidarity. Don’t just stand up for your freedom to marry; stand up for the freedom for all to marry. Don’t just be an ally for a friend’s right to a same-gender marriage; stand of the rights of all. That’s true marriage equality.
You don’t have the like what other people choose to do. If you don’t want a same-gender relationship, or a poly relationship, or an interracial relationship or a consanguineous relationship, or you do not want to get married under any circumstances, that is your choice and you have that freedom. But you should support the rights of other people to choose for themselves. Love is love.
The next time someone says the freedom to marry someone of the same gender will lead to polygamy or incest, instead of throwing other people under the bus, respond with something like, “What’s wrong with letting consenting adults do what they want with each other? I support marriage equality, period. Would you want someone telling you that you couldn’t get married?” We need to let people know that it isn't okay to discriminate. We need to reach out to everyone who is seeking the freedom to marry and let them know they aren't alone.
In addition to fairness, marriage equality will aid the health of those who will finally be able to marry. It will add stability to their relationships and increase stability in communities.
There are people you know - people in your family, neighbors, coworkers, police officers, postal carriers, firefighters, teachers, people of all walks of life - who don't have the freedom to marry the person or persons they love. That's not right.
Let’s all stand up for true equality: full marriage equality.
![Non-Monogamy Diagram [I:FV]](http://www.obsidianfields.com/lj/nonmonogamy2.5.1.gif){kind=link}
Its me Semperfi72 from the GSA chat room. Love what you wrote wish more people from the GSA forum room could I mean would, read it, then maybe some of the bickering would end and people that come into the room for help like FSA wouldnt get a lecture. Good Job on this Blog. I have to apologize I havent read your story yet in the GSA, yet, I apologize, but now I know where your comming from I like it. Take it easy and I hope more people read this. Oh and I am not saying anything about the GSA chat room or its members, love the site wouldnt change it for the world. I am glad its there. Including myself we all have room to grow.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Semperfi72. I don't think I wrote an introductory post over at GSA. Reading my "About This Blog" (link is a tab at the top) will probably answer some questions.
ReplyDeleteBefore we focus on equality for someone's preference (be it sexual or religious) shouldn't we try and establish some sort of equality among races and genders?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I fully support racial and gender equality.
ReplyDeleteWell written. I too support the right of all consenting adults to love as they find.
ReplyDeleteThere's one critical difference I see between sexual orientation and genetic sexual attractions: we cannot choose our predisposition towards certain sexual characteristics; but we can certainly choose the individuals we are attracted to. A genetic sexual attraction can be quashed just like any unrequited middle school crush. Sure, there may be those who bemoan it—but ultimately, both young teens and mature adults can and do move on from their former 'true loves' and their backstabbing (yet often frustratingly attractive) exes. The same can be (and should be) done of attractions towards blood relatives. While there is nothing that can be done of those siblings and other family members who have already committed themselves to lifelong relationships with one another, there is nothing inhumane or cruel in discouraging such relationships in those who have not yet committed (which is unlike the discouraging of same-sex attractions or the deliberate sabotage of already stabilized lifelong romantic relationships between blood relatives).
ReplyDeleteThere are reasons one would want a relationship to end, as has been said, but those reasons should come from the people involved in that relationship, and no one else.
DeleteDiscouraging a relationship is cruel, because it denies the person the right to freely decide if they want or don't want that relationship, and it can lead to some undesirable distress. I may be 'forced' to forget an unrequited love, but it would be terrible if I loved someone, that someone loved me back, and I had to refrain from trying a relationship just because someone else thinks I should.
I thought that was excellent..one of the best pieces by Keith I have read so far.Equal treatment of individuals by the law should be the standard in all countries, but sadly that is not the case.Even when laws are changed to make them more equal, selective implementation of the law by officials means discrimination is often allowed to continue unabated. Also a legally recognized marriage doesn't guarantee that all members of a person's family will be happy with it or give their blessing or financial support. As someone said recently, 'so many people are so viciously set in their ways and will oppose even the most innocuous reforms.'Part of incestophobia may be based on repressed feelings of jealousy of those having ACI relationships, sadness at having missed opportunities for ACI relationships in the past, and internalized guilt for society's discrimination and repression of ACI people in the past.
DeleteThanks for commenting, Victor. If this is the Victor I think it is, I repect your wealth of compassion and knowledge when it comes to people struggling with GSA for whatever reason (they don’t want to cheat on their spouse, they want a nonsexual relationship with this person… whatever). I am surpised, though, to see you compare GSA to a middle school crush!
ReplyDeleteStrictly speaking, yes, any given person can hold themselves back from engaging in sex at any given moment. If they have their own reasons for doing so, then more power to them and I’m glad there is help provided for them in the case of someone esperiencing GSA. My overall point is that they should not be forced to refrain from sex or love with another consenting adult through law or bullying. Some people describe, even years down the line, a love and sexual bond that they could never duplicate with another. It would be unfair to everyone involved, including the person or persons one or both of them end up with after forcing themselves to part, to force them to settle for second best. Let’s take a monogamous marriage. What woman who expects mutual monogamy and devotion wants to be married to a man who is thinking, “It was better with my sister. I’d rather be with her for the rest of my life?” That’s the kind of thing that can happen when people are forced apart for no reason other than law or outside disapproval.
There could be good reasons why any given relationship should change or end. Some people are just not right for each other, but that is true of people who aren’t related as well as people who are.
Hey Keith, I found on Facebook an Italian user who is against gay marriage, I discredited all of her arguments and what did she do?
ReplyDeleteShe banned me! :D
Infact she bans all the users who disagree with her, she herself says it:
"Questa pagina è stata fondata solo ed esclusivamente per chi ne condivide gli stessi ideali. Chi la pensa diversamente ed è interessato solo ad attaccare il pensiero della pagina, o attua trolling, verrà bannato."
Translation (more or less):
"This page has been founded only and exclusively for who agree about the same ideals. Who thinks differently and is interested only in attacking the thought of the page, or trolls, will be banned."
I just discredited her arguments without any insult and she banned me just because I disagree with her.
I've never seen such a great bigotry before, unfortunately Italy is one of the most bigot countries in the world.
-Cornelius
Thanks for that, Cornelius. Yes, some people do not want to engage reasonable discussion. It is sad, really. I think of those people who have become hermits because they don't want to interact with people of other races, and their communities are no longer all one race.
DeleteOften people against same-sex marriage say that it will lead to incest and polygamy... Infact we should legalize them too ;)
ReplyDeleteI really love your work.
-Cornelius
I support the human race, all humans and believe all should have the same rights that one expects they themselves are entitled too.
ReplyDeleteBased on what I have read on state to state "domestic partnership" rights and what has been explained to me by those in favor, "equal marriage" is more of a business deal with tax breaks and other financial rights, rather than a profession of love. All Americans in committed relationships are entitled to the same rights.
The fact that the poly community and those that are in committed relationships that are not included "marriage equality" is proof this is less about "equal" rights and just the seceding of gay rights only, in the end its just the same dogma as the Christina Right that opposes gays validity to marry.
I'm starting to feel that "equal" really just means "me too". Not homophobic or bias just I can not support a cause that says is equal when it excludes others.
An adult should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with ANY consenting adults. That includes polyamorous people. If certain benefits are attached to legal marriage, everyone should have access to legal marriage. Polyamorous people should be free to marry and get those benefits, and free to NOT marry and still have their relationships, including living together or not.
DeleteI hope you'll consider posting my marriage equality song, 'What If We Are Just Like You" on this site. it has 35,000+ views on youtube and has received favorable comments from 150 countries all over the world. here's the URL:
ReplyDeletehttp://youtu.be/7ZM9iPJtzyM
thank you so much,
Sherri Gray
gsherri68@yahoo.com
Straight Couples for Gay Marriage For Straight Couples:
ReplyDeletehttp://youtu.be/p69-4TuBIow
More Warren Jeff's? No thanks!
ReplyDeleteNotice we are about consenting adults. So please try to troll better next time.
Delete