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Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Why GSA Will Become Even More Common

Genetic Sexual Attraction is going to become a bigger and bigger issue, and this is one reason why. This isn't the first time that someone involved in IVF or handling sperm for professional purposes has substituted their own sperm. This report comes from fox59.com in Indiana... [This entry has been bumped up.]
Now, retired doctor, Donald Cline, is charged with two felony counts of obstruction of justice for statements he made to investigators.

Those charges come after a lengthy investigation by FOX59’s Angela Ganote.
Last May, she spoke with a group of eight siblings, and according to court documents, Cline is a DNA match for all of them. The now retired doctor allegedly admitted to some of the siblings his sperm could have been used up to 50 times.
That's just what he's admitted to.
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Sunday, December 29, 2019

New Year Resolutions

Do you make New Year's resolutions? Have you been thinking about it?

May we suggest some? In no particular order...
  • I resolve to support the rights of adults, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those things without the others) with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.
  • I resolve to be personally available as an ally to anyone in my life who faces discrimination, bullying, or mistreatment on the basis of their gender identity, sexual orientation, or the type of relationships they have.
  • I resolve to be welcoming and supportive of anyone who comes out to me, whether they are coming out to reveal their gender identity, their sexual orientation, or their relationship.
Maybe this year won't be about a resolution in the traditional sense, but about a personal goal. Maybe you've been considering coming out, whether in general or to a few people in particular? Or maybe you've been considering pursuing a relationship, or adding something to an existing relationship? Whether you take action or not should be up to you (and anyone else who has to consent to the action, if that applies). Either way, know you are supported here.

Do you have plans? Are you going to make resolutions? Feel free to comment below, including anonymously, or to contact Keith.

Happy New Year!
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Friday, December 27, 2019

Myth: GSA is Unnatural

Reality: Genetic Sexual Attraction is a normal and natural reaction to the circumstances.

While it is very common for people who spent their childhoods in the same residence together or were raised by one another, whether genetically related or not, to develop a suppression of sexual attraction to each other (this has been described as the Westermarck Effect), close genetic relatives who were not raised together or by one another don’t develop this suppression towards each other. Nor do all people who were raised together or by one another.

They may not be attracted to each other, but they may be. They may even be intensely attracted to each other. Even if intensely attracted to each other, they may not be right for each other. Or, they may be right for each and might go on to have lifelong happiness together.

Studies reveal most people are attracted to people who look like them. Who looks like more you than your close genetic relatives? While not all introductions or reunions result in attraction, many do. And sometimes, the attraction is mutual.

Not only can they look like each other, share genes, and share other traits, but an adult genetic child can look like their other parent; someone to whom the reuniting genetic parent may have had an attraction (especially if the child was conceived through intercourse.) Or, this virtual social stranger can look like your sibling, custodial parent, or other family members, creating a sense of bonding or familiarity.

See Myth: Anyone Experiencing GSA Needs Therapy

See Myth: Acting on GSA is Wrong or Destructive
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Thursday, December 26, 2019

Search of the Day

Someone came to this blog by searching...
Mums and sons in GSA explosive sex

Having talked with hundreds of mothers who've had sex with their adult son and hundreds of adult men who've had sex with the mother, I can say that whether they were reunion GSA cases or the son was raised by the mother, the sex is usually "explosive." Not always, but often it is.

There are people shocked and disgusted by the thought, but this is the truth whether anyone else likes it or not.

The older woman-younger man pairing can be quite a match in the first place, but when the "double love" or "double bond" of consanguinamory is added, you get mother-son relationships in which those who've experienced them find it hard to describe just how powerful the experiences can be.

Those who have had these experiences often report that nothing else compares.

Neither person has to be "conventionally" attractive or in the best of shape (although some are) for this to be the case. The attraction can be be strong and the feelings extremely intense. Mothers are often surprised just how much their son wants them and delights in adding that bond. Even their own feelings might surprise them. Some sons, likewise, are surprised at how their relationship develops.

As with any relationship, there can be problems, but without the complications of cheating being involved, the biggest issue, usually, is allowing societal prejudices to cause emotional conflict.

It is more common than you think. Right now, not far from you, there are a mother and son who are in the heat of passion, having the time of their lives, loving and being loved, closer than they've ever been before.

There is no good reason adults who are free to be together and want to share sexual affections, with or without romance, should be denied their rights.

Are you having feelings like this for your mother or son? Do you think or know your mother or your son has these feelings for you? If you're involved, or used to be, or considering getting involved, you are encouraged to contact Keith. You can also comment below, including anonymously.

(By the way, all of the above also goes for mothers and daughters, fathers and daughters, and fathers and sons.)
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Wednesday, December 25, 2019

Hate Adds Pain to Genetic Sexual Attraction and GSA Relationships

I'm bumping up this entry I wrote a while back because there are people who need to see it.

Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) is a condition that may be experienced when close genetic relatives who have been separated for significant amounts of time, often since birth or before puberty, are reunited or introduced. It describes an intense physical and/or emotional attraction, and may include sexual attraction or be expressed through sex. The attraction may or may not be mutual. Even if mutual, not all GSA results in sexual contact. (Some people prefer the term "Genetic Attraction.")

Reading accounts or watching documentaries about those struggling with GSA feelings or related actions can be heartbreaking. There are many reasons as to why.

First of all, there are all of the problems that come with any attraction or any relationship. One person is attracted to someone else and that attraction is not mutual, or is mutual only for period of time. Relationships involve at least two different people who are trying to get along with each other and to deal with those outside the relationship as well. This can all be increased when the individuals are biologically related.

This new attraction and resulting relationship can bring change, disruption, and uncertainty to someone’s life, which is again something that may happen in general relationships as well, but can be more of an issue with biological relatives and the strong pull of GSA. This is especially a problem when someone has made a life and perhaps has existing vows with someone else. For example, a married, monogamous woman who gets in contact with a biological half-brother and finds herself strongly attracted to him and wanting to spend time with him, with or without sex. The time and attention taken from her marriage may be enough of a problem, but add sexual cheating to the mix, and it is even worse. She may love and value her husband, but feels this intense connection or draw to her half-brother that must be suppressed if she wants to have a chance to save her marriage. In that case, either choice is painful. Or what if she doesn’t want to save her marriage? What if it was dying before the GSA issue surfaced? Divorce is usually a painful experience anyway.

Some people experiencing GSA are disturbed by their feelings (or the feelings of their relative) because they feel a need to have that person in their life as a sibling, a parent, or a child, and they see sexual attraction or sex as incompatible with that role. They may feel like they finally had something they were missing for so long, only to have it taken away by unexpected or unwanted feelings and resulting tensions. Just the unfamiliar nature of these feelings may be bothersome.

In addition to all of the usual problems someone with an unrequited attraction or a mutual attraction between people can bring, one that is different with GSA is, of course, the legal, familial, social, and religious prohibitions imposed against sex with and marriage to close relatives. Incest between consenting adults is still criminalized in many places, including most US states, and bigotry against people in such relationships or experiencing such attraction continues to be perpetuated, sometimes in the most hateful and harmful ways.

This is sometimes compounded by a lack of solidarity. Even if there is a GSA relationship that didn’t break up any existing families, marriages, or relationships, and the individuals are happy together and able to share their lives in a functional way despite legal and social challenges, they may be rebuffed or judged when they reach out for understanding and support from others. Other people experiencing GSA who have decided not to have sexual relationship or have ended a sexual relationship or want to end their sexual relationship may disapprove of those who want to engage in or continue their sexual relationship. Or, if the GSA relationship is intergenerational, interracial [biracial with non-biracial], same-sex, or polyamorous, other people experiencing GSA may express disapproval based on one of those factors (in addition to all of the other people who disapprove based on those factors). Finally, those who have recently struggled or are still struggling for their own freedom to marry or just the basic freedom of association, such as LGBT people or poly people, may express contempt for consanguineous sex and love, including in cases where GSA is factor, or may be unsupportive of those in GSA relationships gaining the freedom to marry. Thus, instead of finding comfort from those who have also been targeted by those who want to control the sexuality of other adults, people experiencing GSA may find some more vitriol or at least a cold shoulder.

All of these things can bring pain and hardship to GSA relationships. Laws and public attitudes can be changed. There is some help for those struggling to deal with their feelings or the feelings of someone else or just to be themselves, but that help would be greatly aided by a change in the laws and public attitudes. That is one reason I call for solidarity. Someone who is struggling with GSA does not need the added burden of laws and finger-wavers that treat them as second-class citizens or with hate and impede their ability to make decisions in the best interest of themselves and their loved ones.

For help, see here.

[Edited for typing errors and clarity.]
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Tuesday, December 24, 2019

Happy Holidays!

Merry ChristmasHappy Hanukkah (belated)Yuletide GreetingsSolstice Salutations, Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays!

Whatever holidays you celebrate, or even if you don't celebrate any, We wish you a fabulous season full of warmth and love.

May you and your loved ones have peace, health, and happiness.

I plan to update this blog as I can over the holidays, so keep checking back. Or better yet, subscribe in the column over there on the right (for those of you looking at the web version)  if you haven't done so yet.

As a reminder, if you need someone to talk with or you just want to say hello to Keith, you can do so, as always, by emailing fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or message him on Wire at fullmarriageequality or on Facebook.
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Sunday, December 22, 2019

Has a DNA Test Revealed New Relatives To You?

Has something that seems strange been happening to you or a long lost close relative since discovering you shared genes put you together or reunited you?

When You Can See More of the Family Tree

There are multiple services offering DNA testing and/or genealogical mapping. Some include 23andMe, Ancestry.com, Family Tree DNA, GeneTree, Genographic Project, MyHeritage, and Navigenics. The interest people have in genetics, ancestry, and genealogy has prompted them to seek out genetic or genomic information about themselves and their family. "What's in my genes?" some people wonder. Personal genomics or consumer genetics services are popular businesses.

One result of this has been that people are finding out they have close genetic relatives they never knew about, or they are being reunited with close relatives with whom they'd lost contact.

Why Branches of the Tree Were Hidden

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Tips For Switching to Polyamory

Quora is an excellent way ask and answer questions. I certainly recommend it over a certain former Big Internet Portal That-Was-Bought-by-a-Big-Telecom's Answers service. Somebody asked "What are some tips for people who are thinking about transitioning to being polyamorous?"

Before we move on to the answers, which you should check out in full by following the link above, it is important to note that for some people, they are polyamorous as who they are, just like they are left or right-handed. They are polyamorous whether they are in a relationship or not, or even if they are currently in a relationship with one person. For such people it is more a matter of becoming true to themselves. Other people can function well long-term in polyamorous relationships or monogamous relationships.

Franklin Veaux is always a good person to consult about polyamory. He is co-author of More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory...
Don’t expect that you can just try it and go back to the way things were if it doesn’t work for you. It will change things, even if you decide later to return to monogamy.
Yes it will.

Don’t imagine you can script how your “outside” relationships will develop or what they’ll look like. Other people are people, and people are complicated. Things will go in directions you didn’t expect. Theory and practice are the same in theory but different in practice. That’s okay. Cultivate an attitude of flexibility and resilience.
A person can decide what their boundaries are, but they can't decide for anyone else.
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Saturday, December 21, 2019

Myth: Anyone Experiencing GSA Needs Therapy

Reality: Therapy won’t always be necessary, but since there is so much prejudice against those who experience Genetic Sexual Attraction, someone who is experiencing it might benefit from therapy.

Experiencing GSA is not an indication that anything is wrong with the person experiencing it. GSA is a normal, natural reaction to the circumstances.

Being reunited with, or introduced to, a close genetic relative who hasn’t been in your life can be enough to prompt therapy, depending on the situation. Add GSA, and yes, therapy can be helpful.

The prejudices, stigmas, and taboos involved in GSA situations, internalized by those involved or not, can be enough of a burden to make therapy beneficial.

However, not everyone who experiences GSA needs therapy. Some people who experience GSA continue to function well without having had therapy.

If someone does need therapy, it would be helpful if they weren’t ostracized or criminalized, and could find a therapist familiar with the issues involved. This is one reason we need to bring GSA and consanguinamory out of the shadows.

See Myth: Only Someone Who Was Abused or Neglected Experiences GSA

See Myth: GSA is Unnatural
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Monday, December 16, 2019

Has Your Partner Experienced Consanguinamory?

I used be active at a certain Big Internet Portal's Question and Answer service, until someone who couldn’t handle me answering questions truthfully when it comes to certain romantic or sexual topics decided to get me "suspended" using a weakness in their automated system. After that, I'd still check to see what questions were being asked there, even though I couldn't participate in any way or even contact anyone there unless they had somehow provided an email address in their question or answer. I will not link to the service, but I will quote it. Someone named Lauren asked this question...

Ok.....complicated one, recently found out my husband and his younger sister had sex for a number of years between the ages of 10-12, this is what he's telling me tho I'm aware this may have more to it? We are a young couple married with two children (boys) my relationship with his family has never been great and this hasn't helped! Can anyone give me any advice or your thoughts on how you would deal with this news? I'm up and down and so confused.....

Questions like this come up more than people might think. Person A is dating or married to Person B and Person A suspects or has found out that Person B has been sexually involved with a sibling or other family member. Person A usually wants to know what they should do.

It is important to clarify the situation by determining the answers to some questions.

1) Is this something that is suspected or has it been confirmed?

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Sunday, December 15, 2019

Can You Marry Your Brother-In-Law?

That was a search that brought someone to this blog.

What is a brother-in-law?

There is more than one way to have a brother-in-law.

1) He could be your spouse's brother.

2) He could have married your sibling.

3) Some people would call a man who is married to their spouse's sibling their brother-in-law. For example, if I was married to a woman and her sister (who would be my sister-in-law) was married to a man, I might refer to him as my brother-in-law.

4) Similar to 3, someone might think of their sibling's spouse's brother as their brother-in-law. Your sibling's spouse is definitely your brother-in-law or sister-in-law. Their brother could thus be called your brother-in-law.

Unless "in-law" is being used figuratively or in the sense of number 4, it means you and/or he are married. In most places where English is the predominant language, people can still only be legally married to one person at a time. Where someone can only be legally one person at a time, the only way you can "marry your brother-in-law" is by being unmarried and marrying the person described in number 4.

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Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Clearing Up Consanguinity

Many people get confused about terms like "second cousins" and "once removed" when referring to close but not-so-close relations. Your parent's sibling's child is your first cousin. That person's child would be your first cousin, once removed. That person's child and your child would be second cousins.

Here's a helpful chart that can help explain it.



Source: http://www.sanantonio.gov/atty/ethics/ConsanguinityChart.htm

Remember, there's nothing wrong with experimenting with, dating, or even marrying a cousin. Consanguineous relationships and marriages are nothing new. There are some countries and a little over half of US states where the bigotry against marriage equality extends to preventing first cousins from marrying, but there are many places where marrying a first cousin is legal and common. I'm only aware of a few US states where sex between first cousins is technically illegal, so check the laws of your state if you are concerned. It should be searchable on your official state website.


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Sunday, December 8, 2019

Myth: Only Someone Who Was Abused or Neglected Experiences GSA

Reality: While some people who’ve experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction have been abused or neglected in the past, many people who’ve experienced GSA never experienced serious abuse or neglect.

People who experience GSA come from a wide variety of backgrounds, including warm and loving families as well as abusive childhoods. The only thing, so far, determined to be common to all people experiencing reunion GSA is that they were introduced to, or reunited with, a close genetic relative post-puberty. Abuse is not the cause of GSA.

If you don’t want someone to be abused, don’t abuse people experiencing GSA. Don’t ostracize them for having their feelings. Don’t criminalize their love. Don't deny them their rights.

See Myth: Sex in GSA Relationships Always Means Someone is Being Abused

See Myth: Anyone Experiencing GSA Needs Therapy
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Wednesday, December 4, 2019

Search of the Day

A recent search that brought someone here was...

elderly siblings affair
The fact is, there have always been siblings who've been together in the "golden years" of life. Some have always been together. Some are resuming activities in which they engaged in their younger years (perhaps after being forced apart). Some are just getting together for the first time. Although this blog doesn't endorse cheating (breaking the rules of existing relationships), the reality is, some of these are cheating affairs, but many of them aren't. Sometimes these are spousal-style relationships, others are simply siblings-with-benefits, and some fall somewhere on the spectrum between.

I can pretty much guarantee you know elderly siblings who are together. It is that common. You might not even know they are siblings and just think they're a "regular" couple.

Why would siblings who've never been sexual (at least, not beyond childhood "show me yours and I'll show you mine") get involved in their elderly years?

There could be many reasons it happens for any given couple (or triad, etc.) of siblings.
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Tuesday, December 3, 2019

We Get Letters

We get comments that are worth pointing out here. You can leave comments below the entries, including anonymously, or you can write to Keith privately.

A comment was left after an entry on a son's choice in media content.  Anonymous wrote about his love for his mother...

I have had these feelings since I was 14 turning 15. 
I just turned 23 and my mother will be forty in three months. 
This has been going on since late June, a few days before the Fourth of July, a few months after her divorce from her 2nd marriage and my end of duty in the Air Force. 
I had moved back in with my mother after four years. Though initially shocked by discovering my feelings, she  realized this was was something she wanted, too; that my feelings for her were something that no other man had for her or could have for her. The feeling of love as a mother and son, best friends and lovers; especially as her son returning back to her womb. 
To have all this and live as a man and woman together is very powerful, very deep, and intense, something that we could only experience with each other. 
It made her realize that I was always giving subtle hints in a respectful way. As much as I wanted my mother as my woman, I understood that it may not happen. It lead her to act upon her feelings and initiate her seduction. She realized after seeing my social media and reading my desires that it was something that we could do with positive consequences. Even her seduction of me was very positive and deliberately slow.
I am glad it was, that she made me her man "sexually". I was definitely old enough and really knew what I wanted from her. Though she is an extremely attractive woman, she had never found a deep romantic connection with my father, boyfriends, or her second husband, which ended in a very bad divorce.

This and social media made her available and consenting to this, despite the taboo of a mother and son. 
We are willing to live a secret life for this and she tells me that if she became pregnant by me, she would keep the baby. I am willing to make that sacrifice of not having a child. Yet, I do want want one with her and if she really feels this strongly in the near future, I would be willing to have a son or a daughter that is my half brother or sister. The beauty of this happening is worth the risk for her, she has told me many times. 
Like I said it took a while for her to accept this.Yet, if you could see us we have no regrets. Actually,  she wishes she had the same mindset that I had many years ago to have made me her woman years ago. 
It was right after my military boot camp graduation. She had made the trip to see me graduate and we were going home together. During that period she was so proud of me and was giving me extra kisses and hugs that were longer and closer. It was at a time right before she met her second husband. She was very much alone. It was the first time see saw me sexually. She confesses that if I would have gone after her, she surely would have given in at that period of time.

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Monday, December 2, 2019

GSA and Stepping Out

Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) can prompt cheating in relationships that otherwise would never have cheating. So if you’re reading this because you’ve cheated on a partner with your GSA contact, or because your partner may have cheated on you with their GSA contact, please keep that in mind. (You also might want to read this entry as well if you think you're being cheated on or are about to be.)

This blog endorses ethical nonmonogamy as no less valid and respectful than monogamy. Your blogger is polyamorous himself, but supports the rights of adults regardless of his own personal orientation and interests, including people who want monogamy.

This blog does not endorse cheating on a sexual, romantic, or spousal partner (which can happen in monogamous or polyamorous relationships), but also doesn’t endorse criminal punishment for cheating.

I don’t consider cheating to be egregious when it is to get some relief from a spouse or partner who has seriously broken vows or agreements by being abusive, neglectful, etc. Ideally, people would leave relationships in which they are being neglected or rejected, but that isn’t always possible or the best solution for a variety of reasons.

Relationships, especially marriages, can be very complicated. For example, it is easy for outsiders to see a married woman flirting with someone behind her husband’s back, and think less of her for doing so, but what those outsiders don’t see is that her husband barely interacts with her in private and refuses to even touch her and yet he wants her to go without affection and intimacy with others. Not wanting to break up the home of her young children before they are grown, she stays, and seeks comfort with others. Of course this kind of relationship situation happens regardless of genders.

In general, someone who is happy in a healthy relationship and is not deficient in their self-control will not cheat. However, when it comes to Genetic Sexual Attraction, someone who is in a happy relationship or would otherwise never cheat (not with a coworker, not with a neighbor, not with a former partner, not with anyone) may not withstand the dynamics involved, and may cheat as a result. If their relationship was already terminally ill, or experiencing serious problems, then keeping mutual GSA nonsexual is that much less likely.

GSA is usually overwhelming, and bonds formed in its caldera can become especially strong.

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Sunday, December 1, 2019

Myth: Sex in GSA Relationships Always Means Someone is Being Abused


Reality: It is possible for someone experiencing Genetic Sexual Attraction to abuse or be abused, to be sure, just like with any other relationship between adults.

If consenting adults experiencing GSA have sex, that is not abuse.

The claim that one can’t consent to sex with another is an unsupported assertion based on personal aversion, a personal history of abuse, ignorance, or even the absurd notion that females don’t want or enjoy sex. If an 18-year-old woman can legally consent to group sex with three male cage fighters who are strangers to her, or consent to be the mistress of a billionaire with a spouse and children, the President of the United States, or a someone who rented a room in her childhood home and was present for her entire childhood, how can we be consistent in saying that she can't consent to sex with her half-brother or sister or genetic parent she met as an adult?

In some reunion GSA situations, the consenting adults had sex before knowing of their genetic relation. How could that be abuse?

Abuse and sex are two different things.

Not all consensual relationships are good, but GSA does not necessarily make a relationship bad or abusive. Many people in these situations willingly make love or have sex.

See Myth: GSA is an Excuse for Pedophilia 

See Myth: Only Someone Who Was Abused or Neglected Experiences GSA
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World AIDS Day

December 1 is World AIDS Day. It is very important to remember those we've lost to AIDS, to care for anyone battling AIDS, and to care for anyone with HIV.

We must continue to work for a cure and continue to fight the spread of HIV.

We should also never forget that stigmas, ignorance, bigotry, sex-negative attitudes and shaming have helped spread HIV and AIDS.

Let's continue to work for a better culture in which people aren't shamed and marginalized for their sexuality, nor stigmatized for getting sick.
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Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Thanksgiving Time

This US national holiday always falls on the fourth Thursday of November.

Thanksgiving Day is a huge holiday in the US, centered mainly around a special family meal. In case you haven't noticed, Americans like to eat a lot. Since Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday, Friday is a holiday as well (at least as far as the government is concerned). Because Thanksgiving is considered to specifically be about family togetherness, it can be a painful time for those who have been rejected by their family because of their gender identity, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or choice in partner(s). Some LGBTQ people, polyamorous people, and those in consanguineousintergenerational, or interracial relationships are reminded every year that even their own family hates them.

Some people make the best of this and plan a Thanksgiving meal with friends. I throw out a special “good for you” to anyone who hosts such a meal this holiday. Keep up the good work. I think such gatherings are much more enjoyable anyway. If you don't have one to go to, consider hosting your own!

But I also have words for anyone who has driven away or banned someone in their family because of that other family member’s identity, orientation or partner(s): Shame on you. You don’t have to like your family member’s sexuality or how they live. But you should reach out to them and support them instead of driving them away. Every person at that table does things you don’t like. Why single out a family member for punishment because of who they love? If your family member has a partner whose family is more accepting, guess who is going to win? Guess who is going to get to play with any grandkids/nieces/nephews? Not you. Think about it. Maybe it isn't too late to make amends and have them over for this year's holiday. This might help.

If you can’t go “home” for Thanksgiving and you are feeling down and you haven’t managed to make plans with friends, consider hosting your own Thanksgiving and invite some friends. Or, volunteer at a homeless shelter or some other charity location that will be helping people that day. Don’t allow sadness or loneliness to take hold. You can find a place where you will be welcomed.

Do you have any special plans for this holiday week? Are you going to be coming out, or trying to start or rekindle something with someone special? You can comment (anonymously, if you'd like) below or write an email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.
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Sunday, November 24, 2019

Discovering Consanguinamory in the Family Tree

I am [or, had been] active on [a certain Big Online Portal's question and answer service], especially when it comes to explaining the importance of relationship rights, full marriage equality, and decriminalizing consanguinamory. Someone had this question...

Family Tree Concerns..?
My Grandfather recently passed away and my Grandmother told us all that her and my Grandfather were never married, they had always celebrated an anniversary (or so we thought,) but didn't understand while she waited till he died before telling us. After further research into my family tree I have discovered that my Grandmother married her Uncle (is this incest!?!), my Mother feels all weird because it feels like her life has been a lie and the only person she could have asked and got a proper answer was her Dad but now he's gone so we are both just looking for some advice or if anyone has been or is going through a similar situation...
This was my answer, which was chosen as the best answer (thankyouverymuch)...
= = = =
Here's what matters: Was your grandfather a good person? A good spouse to your Grandmother? A good parent? A good grandparent? THAT is what matters, not any genetic or legal relation to your grandmother. There's no lie about any of that. Your mother's life is no different now than it was before she knew that information. She's just allowing cultural prejudices to influence her reaction. Your grandparents had what is called a common-law marriage. As long as they were good to each other, that is what matters.

You didn't make it clear, but it appears you mean your grandfather was the brother of one of your grandmother's parents (he would still be an "uncle" to her if he had, at one time, been married to one of your grandmother's parents' sisters without any biological relation to your grandmother). Assuming there was a genetic connection (though it is possible he had been adopted into the family, too), that is still no reason for alarm. This is much more common than people think. People are finding out about this through DNA testing and family records, although family records don't always reveal the truth. If you go back further, it is virtually guaranteed you'll find you have consanguineous ancestors.

You don't have to go too far back in anyone's family tree to find these kinds of things. I doubt there is a person out there whose ancestry has nothing like this.

In other words.... you and your family are as normal as everyone else.
= = =

Just about everyone has incestuous childbearing in their family tree. In some cases, someone was raped, which of course is a horrible, or there was cheating. In other cases, it was true love between people who were not cheating on anyone. If the law prevented them from legally marrying or from telling the truth, that is a problem, a terrible problem, of the law, and just one of many reasons we need full marriage equality. It is not something wrong with the lovers.
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Saturday, November 23, 2019

Myth: GSA is an Excuse for Pedophilia

Reality: Since Genetic Sexual Attraction involves people who are post-pubescent, by definition it doesn't involve pedophilia.

GSA can be experienced by and towards post-pubescent minors (for example, 17-years-old where the age of consent is 18) and as such, it is possible that acting sexually in such situations breaks age of consent laws.

Reunion GSA can be experienced by anyone who is post-pubescent towards someone else who is post-pubescent, provided the sexual orientations and genders align (for example, a strictly gay man will not experience GSA for his sister) and the necessary conditions exist (close genetic relation, negligible presence from age seven into puberty). As such, middle-aged half-siblings who are reunited may experience it. A genetic parent may experience it for their genetic child, but a 45-year-old being attracted to 25-year-old isn't pedophilia.

GSA does not provide an excuse to abuse children. There is no excuse to abuse children.

See Myth: GSA Doesn't Exist or is Very Rare

See Myth: Sex in GSA Relationships Always Means Someone is Being Abused

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Friday, November 22, 2019

Polyamory Day

Polyamory is form of ethical nonmonogamy that itself can be lived out in many different ways. Saturday, November 23 is being observed as Polyamory Day.
On that day in 2011, BC’s Supreme Court ruled that Canada’s so called “anti-polygamy law” does not apply to unformalized polyamorous households – clarifying that polyamory, as it is typically practiced in Canada, is legal and not a criminal act. 
Prior to November, 23, 2011, it was questionable if polyamory was legal in Canada.
An adult should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those things without the others) with any and all consenting adults without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.


No photo description available.



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Thursday, November 21, 2019

Cousins Changing States

This was left as a comment and it is a very important question for those of us in the US.
Can anyone offer insight on the case of 1st cousins who marry where it is legal and later move to a state where it is not. It would seem that the full faith and credit clause of the constitution would offer them protection. 
Article. IV. - Section. 1.
Full Faith and Credit shall be given in each State to the public Acts, Records, and judicial Proceedings of every other State. And the Congress may by general Laws prescribe the Manner in which such Acts, Records and Proceedings shall be proved, and the Effect thereof.
From what we've seen from family law attorneys online, you appear to be correct, at least with certain states. I do want to remind you that I am not a lawyer or attorney, and I recommend checking with a family law attorney in the state to which you plan to move or have moved.

There is a chart on Wikipedia that indicates that some states will not recognize any first cousin marriages from other states, while some others will not recognize them if they are that state's residents who went to another state to get married. It seems to me this has to be unconstitutional based on many precedents.

It is important to note that a handful of US states criminalize sex between (unmarried) first cousins, and yes, people have been recently prosecuted. But it appears as though if you were legally married in one state (which can include "common law marriage" after living together a certain number of years) and move to one of those criminalizing states, you'd be OK.

There is an organization called Cousin Couples that could have answers.

Anyone with personal experience in these matters or who has practiced family law is encouraged to leave a comment.


Cousins, and any other consenting adults, should be free to be together, married or not, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. This is why the US and every country needs full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults.
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Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today, especially, we remember transgender people killed by hatred and ignorance. It's the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

For all transgender people reading this:

We value you. You are valid. You deserve to live your life free of prejudice, free of being attacked for who you are.

We are going to help make things better sooner rather than later.
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Sunday, November 17, 2019

Myth: GSA Doesn't Exist or is Very Rare

Reality: We have many situations today in which people are raised apart of close genetic relatives and are later introduced to, or reunited with, those relatives.

They may have been apart due to one or more of them being the result of affairs, flings, one night stands, or egg/sperm/embryo donations, or because of adoption, divorces or breakups, migration, or incarceration.

Social networking, DNA/ancestry testing, and increased mobility bring them together.

In up to 50% of situations in which they are brought (back) together, when they are post-pubescent and the genders and sexual orientations are compatible, at least one person will experience GSA.

If you know of two heterosexual men who’ve met their heterosexual half-sisters, it is likely at least one of those four people has experienced GSA, even if they’ve never said or done anything to reveal that to you.

There are scientific studies that show that most people are attracted to people who look like them. When close genetic relatives are not raised together or by one another, the Westermarck Effect can hardly develop to override this attraction.  

Genetic Sexual Attraction exists and is common to introductions/reunions of close genetic relatives.

See Myth: Genetic Sexual Attraction is Just a Fancy Way of Saying Incest

See Myth: GSA is an Excuse for Pedophilia

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Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Transgender Awareness Week

November 13–19 is Transgender Awareness Week!
What is Transgender Awareness Week? 
Transgender Awareness Week is a week when transgender people and their allies take action to bring attention to the community by educating the public about who transgender people are, sharing stories and experiences, and advancing advocacy around the issues of prejudice, discrimination, and violence that affect the transgender community.
We want all of our transgender friends and everyone else who loves them know that we have your back. Everyone should be free to live out their gender in the way they find best for them, and that includes being free to have the relationships that are best for them.
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Monday, November 11, 2019

Veterans Day

Today is the Veterans Day holiday in the US.

I can’t help but think of the men and women who risked their lives (and those who gave them) and endured so many things in service to their country, who weren’t and haven’t been free to be who they really are and share their lives openly with the person or persons they love.

Recent years have brought progress, and we have to fight to keep what we've gained while still looking for more progres. Problematic laws and policies remain, and, of course, LGBTQ people, the polyamorous, and consanguinamorous still endure the the threat of prosecution, persecution, or discrimination.

Shouldn’t someone who risked their life for this county be able to marry more than one person, or a biological relative? Or at least share a life with the person(s) he or she loves without a fear that their own government will be against them? Is bravery and valor negated if a man loves more than one woman, or his long lost sister? Shouldn’t a woman who served be free to marry both of the women she loves?

Let’s thank our veterans, especially those who are still being treated as second class citizens.
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Sunday, November 10, 2019

Myth: Genetic Sexual Attraction is Just a Fancy Way of Saying Incest

Reality: First of all, Genetic Attraction or Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) describes an attraction, not an action, and incest is an action. So GSA is not an synonym for incest.

Not all GSA situations involve sex. However, even when it does involve sex, by definition the people involved in reunion GSA were not raised together or by one another, so were not socialized and bonded as family while growing up.

It might be classified as incest in law and biologically, but it isn’t incestuous socially.

Reunion GSA describes a specific experience that does not involve people who have been socialized as family; sex may or may not be involved.

Consider a hypothetical situation.

See Myth: GSA Doesn't Exist or is Very Rare
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Saturday, November 9, 2019

Taking the Steps

I have frequently seen the question asked, “It is incest to date my stepbrother?” or “Would marrying my stepsister be incestuous?”

Romance, dating, sex, or marriage between step relations is not literally consanguinamory, but is often subject to the same prejudices, which in some places and cases includes criminalization, as consanguinamorous relationships. With Discredited Argument #18 not a factor, the excuse to try to deny others their relationships is usually Discredited Arguments #1, 3, 19, or 21.

Although someone may try to control our relationships, we can’t effectively control what other people do with their love lives and we shouldn’t try. We don’t pick who our family members love or marry. As such, sometimes someone is brought into our lives as a step relation, such as a stepbrother, stepsister, stepmother, or stepfather whether we like it or not.

Sometimes, we like it. A lot.

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Wednesday, November 6, 2019

PSA: Polyandry is a Form of Polygamy

Far too many people refer to polyandry as the "opposite" of polygamy. Or people will say "Polygamy and polyandry..."

Polygamy is marriage or marriages between three or more people, regardless of gender.

Polyandry is marriage to multiple men.

Polygyny is marriage to multiple women.


So...


Polyandry is a form of polygamy.

Polygyny is a form of polygamy.

Polygamy has many forms. It can be three people, regardless of gender, married to each other. It can be four people, regardless of gender, married to each other. It can be one person, regardless of gender, with concurrent marriages to two, three, four, or more people, regardless of genders.

If everyone involved is a consenting adult, then polygamy in any form can be considered a form of polyamory, which itself is a form of ethical nonmonogamy.

This link and this link might help explain.
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Tuesday, November 5, 2019

How Genetic Sexual Attraction is Not Incest

Imagine a man and woman meet in a bar. They've never met before. They go outside for a smoke. They get into an argument and the jerk slugs her.

That is assault. But is it domestic violence?

No? What if I told you that unbeknownst to them, they have the same genetic father, a sperm donor neither one has met?

Is it domestic violence then? No?

What if... instead of slugging her, he wasn't a jerk and instead romanced her for the evening and they ended up having passionate sex.

Is that incest?

You can say it is incest biologically, but not sociologically. They were not raised together. They aren't even aware they are related yet.

Things like this have happened. Some people who experience Genetic Sexual Attraction had no idea they were genetically related before they met, fell in love, had sex, or even had children together. Even so, people ignorant of GSA or Genetic Attraction are scoffing at the defendant's statement in this case. Granted, they were apparently aware of their relation before their relationship involved statutory rape (since the age of consent in California is 18, not 16, as it is in many US states.) But that GSA happens to people unaware of their genetic relation demonstrates that GSA is real.

Judgmental finger-waggers cite the genetic connection as to why this is incest. This is because "she raised him" is not an option for why they are upset. The finger-waggers like to use that one when, say, a man and his grown stepdaughter have sexual relationship. Some finger-waggers go even further. Let's say that instead of starting a relationship with his grown stepdaughter, his son, whom the stepdaughter never lived with, meets her as an adult and starts a relationship with her. Some of the finger-waggers still say this is wrong, even if the man is no longer married to her mother.

People would use just about any argument to condemn a relationship with which they are not comfortable. But we'd all be a lot better off if we put aside our prejudices and recognized that consenting adults should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage. Even if someone is disgusted. We'd also be better off if we recognized that Genetic Sexual Attraction does exist, and it is a mitigating factor when, say, a 32 year-old woman breaks California's age of consent barrier with a 16 year-old.

The problem with calling the Atkinson case incest is that incest conjures up images of (in this case) a woman grooming the boy she is raising to be her assault victim. This is a case of Genetic Sexual Attraction and statutory rape. She did not raise him. She was not his guardian. This was a case where one of the participants was not a legal adult, able to legally consent. When the participants are consenting adults, I prefer the term consanguinamory to distinguish loving, consensual sex from images of some vile old man raping an prepubescent girl. Rape and love are not the same things.

There is no good reason why adults who are not violating existing vows to others, who are right for each other, should feel a need to refrain from being together in whatever way they want. Unfortunately, laws and prejudices in many places still need to catch up with reality. But what about finding support from others in the same situation?

Genetic Sexual Attraction is a phenomenon that may or may not actually lead to sex. However, if sex is involved, it is not incest from the sociological perspective, but still may be considered incest by outsiders, including law enforcement, as it is incest in the genetic sense. It is very easy for people who haven't experience GSA or witnessed it happening first-hand to scoff and deny it's reality. But ignorance does not determine reality. For more, read this.
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Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Signs of Genetic Sexual Attraction

Are you wondering that the signs or "symptoms" of Genetic Sexual Attraction or Genetic Attraction would look or feel like? Searches of that sort bring some people here. Maybe you're thinking you are experiencing GSA, or someone you know is experiencing GSA, either for you or for someone else.

Remember that GSA is a normal, natural, and common reaction to the circumstances.

GSA is a very strong, perhaps overwhelming or overpowering, attraction that can happen when one meets or reunites with a close genetic relative after having no or minimal contact since about age seven or before whether or not they know of their relation. Examples can include half-siblings who don't meet until their teens, 20s, 30s, middle age, or golden years. It can be a daughter who only has seen her father for a few minutes at a time since she was six years old and she's now 19. It can be a mother who gave up her son or daughter for adoption at birth and that child finds her at age 25. It can be a man whose brother donated sperm, and a resulting child, now an adult, has met him. There are seemingly countless other examples.

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Happy Halloween

Halloween is October 31 and it is celebrated widely and diversely here in the US.

Do you have any special plans for Halloween? Have you done or will you do anything fun or interesting this year at a Halloween party or event?

Here in the states, the stores depend on Halloween to sell a lot of merchandise. There are parties, costume contests, what amounts to theatre in front of (and inside, sometimes) the homes of people as they try to scare or entertain neighbors and strangers with things ranging from silly to sexy, spooky to gory. In some places, kids (and often parents) in costumes go from door to door collecting candy or other treats.

Many amusement parks, ranging from small to the largest, do special entertainment in the weeks leading up to Halloween, and this is a favorite time of the year for movie studios to release horror movies, and for broadcasters to show ones from years past.

For some, there are religious or spiritual aspects to the day, and it might be called by other names.

Some interesting things can happen when people are having fun at costume parties, or cuddled up together watching scary movies.

So, as always, feel free to comment or share your stories.
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Tuesday, October 29, 2019

The Secrets of Siblings

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The man interviewed below should be free to legallmarry his lovers, yet they can't, and they could be imprisoned and have their lives ruined if they were outed to the wrong people. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, including their country, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this man has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?


WARNING: Mildly explicit sexuality.
 Also, this interview as been edited slightly for language.


*****

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Sunday, October 27, 2019

Consanguinamory is Not Sick

As this blog and others have repeatedly shown, there is no good reason to keep laws, discrimination, or stigmas against consanguinamory (consanguineous or consensual incest sex or relationships) that is consistently applied to other relationships. One of the grasping-at-straws assertions that one might make when all of their justifications for denying rights fails is "people who do that are sick" or "those relationships are dysfunctional."

Before we do anything else, let's make it clear that we're talking about consensual sex and relationships, not abuse. It's not fair to point to abuse, assault, child molestation, etc. by a close relative as an example of how "incest" is "sick".

Alleging psychological problems or mental illness is something best left to mental health professionals, such as a psychiatrist (a medical doctor) or a psychologist. The opinion of someone without such credentials and some experience should be suspect. So, if someone makes the claim that we should criminalize or otherwise discriminate against consanguinamory because the behavior is based on mental illness, they should be asked 1) for their credentials; 2) if they have personally conducted an evaluation of the individuals involved and the dynamics of their relationship, and; 3) if all relationships they personally think are based on mental illness should be likewise criminalized or discriminated against. Usually, calling consanguinamory "sick" is just a thinly veiled variation on Discredited Arguments #1 and 3.

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Thursday, October 24, 2019

Three Common Misconceptions About Consanguinamory

There are three very common misconceptions about consanguinamory or consanguineous relationships, also known as consensual adult incest. These misconceptions are often invoked when someone asks why such relationships are criminalized or why laws against such relationships haven't been repealed, or when someone asks why the consanguineous freedom to marry is still denied. Clearing up these misconceptions will assist us in reaching relationship rights for all and full marriage equality sooner rather than later.


1) "The kids will be mutants!" We've cleared this up many, many times. Although most consanguineous sex does not result in children, although most sex anyone has is not to reproduce (and often the chance of reproduction is ZERO), this is the old stand-by when people want to justify their position against letting consenting adults love each other how they mutually agree. It's a very weak argument. The fact is, even when consanguinamorous relationships do create a child, it is very likely the child will be healthy. People with consanguineous parents are literally everywhere. Chances are, one of your neighbors or co-workers is such a person, maybe even someone you admire or find attractive.
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Tuesday, October 22, 2019

Living Consanguinamorously - What To Tell The Children


A question many people in consanguinamorous relationships have is
if, what, when, and how to tell their children about their relationship.


There is no one right answer because it depends on many different factors.

It will be great when we get to a point where it doesn’t even have to be a question, but since most consanguineous lovers are still living in places where such relationships face severe discrimination, often including imprisonment, it is a question some people have.

Most people in consanguinamorous relationships have children, whether they have those children together or by some other relationship or through adoption or third party reproduction, because most people in general have children, so this is an issue faced by many people.

Let’s consider some of the factors involved.

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Monday, October 21, 2019

How Has This Blog Helped You? How Can It?

Whether this is your first visit to this blog or you've visited countless times, I'd like to get a comment below (you can comment anonymously or not) or a message from you about how this blog has been of help to you, if it has.

Also, you can use the same method to ask questions you'd like answered, whether you want a private answer or want the answer posted on the blog. This blog is about helping people to be free to have the relationships to which they mutually agree and to be free to live out their gender identity, sexuality, and orientation. Questions that veer away from such matters probably won't get answered.

Depending on your situation, you might not think you have many places to go with your questions or to share what's happening in your life. That's one reason this blog is here and you may contact me.

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Saturday, October 19, 2019

Most Consanguinamorous People Are Healthy

The idea that someone who wants a relationship that appears to be different than the relationship you want must be somehow “messed up” or desperate for a partner is an old, common, and false one.

See my answer to a question on Tumblr.
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Wednesday, October 16, 2019

Spirit Day

Thursday, October 17 is Spirit Day. Among varying activities, people wear purple in support of LGBTQ youth, against bullying.

Nobody should be bullied, harassed, or discriminated against because of their gender, sexuality, or relationship diversities or those of their family members or friends.

Are you observing Spirit Day? Leave a comment telling us about it
.

How You Can Help
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Saturday, October 12, 2019

Marriage Doesn't Have to be Monogamous


More and more people are questioning whether the polygamous freedom to marry should continue to be denied anywhere. At the forum community.babycentre.co.uk, MonaVanderwaal asked...
Should marrying more than one person be allowed in the UK?
Yes!
At the moment it is a crime punishable for up to seven years in prison.
Do you think it is an outdated law?
It's a ridiculous and unjust law.
If three+ people could prove they are happy in the arrangement, would this change your mind?
Visibility is important, but this is a basic matter of freedom of association. People have a fundamental right to marry. Some people are polyamorous or otherwise want more than one spouse. If all are consenting adults, there's no good reason to deny them their rights. You don't need to be aware of the polyamorous people around you who are in happy, long-term relationships to understand that all adults should have their rights.

Let's look at a few of the responses.

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Thursday, October 10, 2019

Coming Out Consanguinamorous


Introduction

"Coming out" means declaring or no longer hiding that you're consanguinamorous in orientation or in a consanguinamorous relationship. Whether, when, to whom, and how to come out is something that can weigh on the mind of a consanguinamorous person.

Getting to decide whether, when, to whom, and how to come out is a privilege that is sometimes denied people who are outed against their will or by accident. Consanguinamorous people should seriously consider how to protect themselves.


Please note this entry is about coming out in general, such as to family, friends, etc., not about coming out to a romantic/sexual/spousal partner. That has many different considerations and warrants its own entry.

Stay in the Closet If/Until...

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Tuesday, October 8, 2019

Coming Out Day

Even with the US Supreme Court decision bringing all states online with the limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry, and some recent laws enacted for the protection and rights of LGBTQ people in the US and other countries, life can be tough for someone whose identity and orientation doesn’t fit in to a little heterosexual, monogamous, "traditional"-gender-role box or whose relationship doesn’t meet the local sex police’s approved standards. Sometimes, a person or the people in a relationship want to come out of the closet. Sometimes they need to come out. For some of these people, it is a little less difficult if they do so as part of a communal event, such as National Coming Out Day.

National Coming Out Day is Friday, October 11. Here’s the official website, at least for the US. There is much helpful information there, regardless of where you live.

The more people that come out, the more the others around them will realize they do know and appreciate people who are LGBTQ, or polyamorous, or consanguinamorous, and that such people and relationships deserve equality. So coming out helps progress.

On the other hand, it is understandable that any given person, couple, triad, or quad decides to stay in the closet for now. There’s still so much hate, so much prejudice and persecution, and even unjust laws that hinder the life and love of people who are good citizens and just want to be themselves. I support the decision of anyone who believes they need to be reserved for now for the sake of their safety and family.

The decision to come out is yours. Do you want to come out, and to whom? Your friends? Your family? Your coworkers? Your classmates? Your neighbors? Your crush? The whole world?

Also, if someone comes out to you, the decision to be an ally is yours. If your classmate, coworker, neighbor, friend, parent, child, or sibling comes to you and says they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, pansexual, transgender, polyamorous, or in a consanguinamorous relationship, what will you do? Will you choose love and acceptance?

Even if you are heterosexual, monogamous, and nonconsanguinamorous, you may want to come out as an ally for full marriage equality. That alone can take courage, but it helps.

If you are planning to come out, or you do come out, please feel free to share your experience here by commenting.
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