If you’ve met a genetic relative for the first time, or after being separated since at least one of you was a child, and you have experienced a strong attraction to that person that includes physical or sexual attraction or has resulted in sexual affection or arousal, you are likely experiencing reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA).
GSA is real and is a common, normal response to the circumstances involved. GSA is not an indication that anything is wrong with you or the other person. It is not wrong to have these feelings.
Again, it is important for you to know that…
You are not alone.
You are not crazy or wrong for having these feelings.
Genetic Sexual Attraction happens in up to half of all situations in which pubescent or post-pubescent genetic relatives meet for the first time or reunite after having been separated since at least one of them was a child.
Most people are attracted to people who look like them. Who looks more like you than a close genetic relative? The Westermarck Effect overrides this in most (not all) circumstances in which one person raises another or they grow up in the same home. Close genetic relatives who were separated won't have the Westermarck Effect countering a powerful physical attraction. Add in emotional and psychological factors involved in reuniting with a lost family member, and you have something extremely powerful.
There is no good reason why adults who are not violating existing vows to others, who are right for each other, should feel a need to refrain from being together in whatever way they want. Unfortunately, laws and prejudices in many places still need to catch up with reality. But what about finding support from others in the same situation?
There aren’t many places to find help regarding Genetic Sexual Attraction. Fearful of prosecution, persecution, discrimination, prejudice, bullying, or ridicule, some people who have experienced GSA stay in the shadows and don’t even participate in the few forums where they have some level of anonymity. People seeking out others who have experienced GSA, and thus are active in discussions, are usually doing so for one of these reasons:
A. They are a partner or other family member of someone who is experiencing GSA and they are jealous, hurt, insecure, worried, or confused about the partner or family member’s attraction to this “new” person in their life.
B. One person in a reunion is experiencing it, and another isn’t. Isn’t it always problematic when two people are interacting and one is intensely attracted to the other, but the other isn’t attracted in kind? Unrequited love or attraction is painful.
C. The feelings are mutual, but those experiencing them do not want to interact or continue to interact sexually. There are many reasons this might be the case, including…
1. At least one of them is in a relationship and acting or focusing on the attraction violates existing vows to another, or otherwise damages an existing relationship. A common example is when a married person with vows of monogamy becomes distracted or cheats.
2. The desire to have a familial relationship along with the belief that, at least for them, lovemaking can’t be a part of that (“I need a brother, not a lover”)
3. Their own negative feelings towards the idea of consanguinamory (romantic or sexual love between close blood relatives.)
4. Their desire to avoid breaking the law (where applicable), their religion’s prohibition, or the “incest taboo”; or the desire to avoid persecution and discrimination. Note that it is ridiculous and harmful to have laws against consensual adult sex, and we should not reject our friends and family for such a thing, either. When it comes to GSA, such laws and persecution only hurt.
D. They are enjoying a consanguinamorous relationship together and are seeking to talk with others who are doing the same, get advice on dealing with external challenges to their relationship, find reassurance, and share their happiness.
Unfortunately for this last group, those who do participate in GSA forums often face discouragement, judgment, and restrictions on the discussion. This is because the participants primarily motivated by reasons A, B, or C, make up the majority in such forums, while people enjoying their relationships are less motivated to spend time seeking and participating in such forums. They are too busy experiencing the best lovemaking they ever have, along with many other good things about being reunited with their relative. There’s a bit of a cycle that keeps itself going… the naysayers discourage the happy, and so the happy are less likely to participate. The less they participate, the more negative and discouraging the tone will be. The more negative and discouraging the tone, the less likely the happy will bother to speak up and challenge or offer a different perspective. For some of the happy, they only have so much time and energy and they’d rather enjoy their time with their loved one(s) rather than argue with the naysayers.
The naysayers have various reasons for their negativity, some more understandable than others. Some had personal experiences they feel negatively about now, personal moral agendas (including those who are against any sex outside of heterosexual, monogamous, nonconsanguineous marriage,) or do not want to hear about others being happy together when they themselves are not happily in a relationship or are trying to avoid having sex. Being envious, self-loathing, or trying to be the sex police is not a good way to go through life, and sincerely wanting to help others can still result in doing harm. It is harmful to break up a loving relationship others are enjoying just because the person outside of it thinks it is for the best.
There are those, including those who have had relationships initiated through GSA, who now argue (unconvincingly) that an adult child is unable to give consent to sex with a genetic parent (especially when it comes to daughter-father) and that the parent is doing something wrong if that parent allows the affection to become sexual, regardless of who initiates the sex. There are examples that counter this argument, as educated, intelligent, healthy, independent adult women stop denying themselves and their genetic father and make a life together.
Has acting sexually on GSA ruined the lives of some people? Like all sexual relationships, the answer is yes, for some it has. Some people are not right for each other, even if they are strongly attracted to each other, and some people are abusive (sometimes that is a reason for the separation circumstances to begin with). Some people aren’t free to be together. Then there are the issues of law, prejudices, discrimination, etc. But heterosexual, monogamous, nonconsanguineous relationships and marriages have also ruined the lives of some people; that is no reason to categorically condemn them.
Most romantic or sexual relationships do not last until death, or most of us would still be in our first one, but is the answer to avoid all such relationships? Obviously not. Though GSA and resulting consanguinamory can form an intense bond, some such relationships, or at least the lovemaking, will end due to conflicting personalities, lifestyles, or life goals, or external pressures. Some continue on, as people who are right for each other, living happily together and loving each other in every sense of the word.
For those brought together through GSA who are enjoying their consanguinamorous relationships, nothing else compares. They should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with each other, if that is what they want, and they should not be bullied or discriminated against.
If you want to talk with someone, you can write me a fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or find me on the Wire messaging service at fullmarriageequality or find me on Facebook.
This is a blog by someone experiencing GSA: GSA: The Lion's Den
Here's a YouTube channel dealing with GSA.
Here are some important blog entries on Genetic Sexual Attraction…
If Your Partner is Experiencing Reunion GSA
Myths About GSA
Successful GSA Relationships
Hate Adds Pain to Genetic Sexual Attraction
Suppression Brings Ongoing Pain
To Act or Not to Act, That is the Question
GSA is One of Two Main Paths to Consanguinamory
Hate Hurts
Genetic Sexual Attraction Can Lead to Lasting Love
On the Westermarck Effect
A New Genetic Sexual Attraction Resource
Real Issues Surrounding a Real Experience
Also see…
What Family and Friends Should Know
Why Support Marriage Equality?
Answering Arguments Against Relationship Rights
Against Abuse
A Natural Attraction
These people are or were in relationships initiated by GSA…
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2010/02/few-examples-of-love.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2010/04/congrats-to-pear-carter-and-phil-bailey.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2010/08/father-son-gsa.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2010/09/irish-brother-and-sister-plan-wedding.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/03/congratulations-to-penny-lawrence-and.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/04/examples-of-gsa-leading-to.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/04/half-siblings-married.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/04/possible-case-of-gsa-leads-to-father.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/06/loving-couple-denied-freedom-to-marry.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/10/another-loving-couple-denied-freedom-to.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/10/love-won-with-this-couple.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/11/cruelty-of-discrimination.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/11/woman-denied-her-freedom-to-marry.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/12/texas-gsa-couple-back-in-news.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/12/another-couple-denied-freedom-to-marry.html
http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/happy-triad.html
![Non-Monogamy Diagram [I:FV]](http://www.obsidianfields.com/lj/nonmonogamy2.5.1.gif){kind=link}
I think that was an excellent argument. Thank for sharing that with us, it does a lot to help those who have moral or legal issues with this rare and taboo topic. It does make me wonder, who actually makes this illegal? It's strange that people are being prosecuted because they law thinks it's incest.
ReplyDeletePS: I'm curious as to how you view sexual relationships of people who actually are in a family situation? That would be interesting...
I make no secret that as long as they are consenting adults, I support their freedom to make their own sexual choices. Just look around this blog.
DeleteKeith, have you ever seen this documentary about two GSA couples?
ReplyDeleteThis is the first part: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MucnCCogMYs
Obviously the comments are full of hate.
I am so happy I found this. My parents divorced when I was 6 and my sister was 2. We were reunited after ten years. We began a sexual relationship shortly after that. We stopped when I turned 18 and joined the army. Both of us were miserable for ten years trying to find someone we truly loved. The reality is that we do not love anyone else as much as we love each other. We have lived as a married couple for 12 years now. I can not imagine living without her.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I am so glad this blog is a help. Thank you for reading and for sharing. Congratulations on you happiness. Feel free too comment any time and to contact me via email and Facebook.
DeletePlease tell me how you were allowed to get married? What state do you have to reside so I can go there? I understand what you feel and am thankful to come across your story. Such relief and gratefulness to know these things are not just happening to me. I couldn't see life without him. Or our children who are perfect in everyway. I doubt this would have happened if had grown up with him but felt out of place because of it at first. Thank you for sharing. Lots of family refuse to understand. It is something I didn't choose it just happened. You can't control who you love you just do.
DeleteYes you can. Human beings are distinguished from animals on the ground that that they can control their sexual attractions and activities.We are rational beings to the extent that we can control our actions. Remember God forbids sexual activities out side of marriage. God says that no one should approach close family members for sex(Read it in the Bible, the Book of Leviticus,chapter 18.
DeleteDo you follow all of Leviticus, Anonymous? You must if you think someone you don't know should. This is not a religious blog. This is a blog about every adult having equal rights.
DeleteMr pullman i do hope and pray that u post this message on the front page of your blog. I will try 2 be as brief as possible. U said that this is not a religous blog and u say that u love and care about people. Well let your readers decide whether me message is a benefit to them or not. Ihere are many of us who do adhere to the commands of the bible u constantly hide behind cain and his wife abraham and sarah and others to say that the bible endorses incest. This was not a sin as we know it.where there is no law there is no transgression. For sin is a trangression of gods law. And god gave the law to moses which brings us to the dispensation in time where incest is a transgression to god and his laws as recorded in leviticus 18 chap. These are not only sins but abominations that other nations practiced wherefore they made the land sick. Likewise god destroyed the old world because of these practices. Read romans the 1st chap 1 thru 33 zeroing in on the 26 and 27 verses on how he condemns homosexual and lesbianism practices. There is a way that seemeth right 2 a man but the end theteof is death. Most sinners dont proprogate there sins but dont u find it strange that homosexusls and lesbians do. People u have been deceived by a seducing and lying spirit of sexual lust and perversion that is contrary to the lord words. Dont think that you call this evil practice love and think thats makes it right. I
DeleteHe's sick, but Anonymous has it right somewhere: using the Bible as an exemple was utterly idiotic. I don't say you did it that much Keith, but some members of the consang proponents do. Hypocritical believers may endorse incest, but they're not real christians/muslims/jews: if they're intelligent, they just haven't gone all the way up to cast off religion completely.
DeleteYou're too tolerant Keith: don't forget the old saying, the friend of everyone is the friend of no one, in the end. You blog might as well be openly antireligious when it comes to monotheistic (non-zoroastrian) religions.
There is nothing more beautiful than completely revealing yourself to your birth mother, both in inner feelings and the body. In a world where most people hide everything, I bare it ALL for my mom and she in turn does the same. I was adopted and then met her at the age of 22. I was never happy with anyone after I met her and it just so happened we were really meant to be with one another. Nobody knows though, and quite honestly it's none of their business anyway. We're spiritual partners, creative partners and love partners. And something else, we laugh together twenty-four hours a day and if that isn't true happiness or bliss, than what is ????
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, thanks for your comment. I am happy things are going well for you. If you haven't done so already, please contact me privately.
DeleteKeith: As an extended comment from August 2, I would add that I've known and have seen quite a number of widowed mothers and or divorced women " shack up " with their sons and they are apparently happy as punch with their new habitats and conditions. I've analyzed this from every angle, even to the point of wondering if I'm Norman Bates and have " mother " living with me ! ( laughter ). But to be honest I've studied spirituality for years and one of the precepts is, " love the Divine Mother behind the earthly mother ". I may be biased in the sense that I have a daughter myself and wouldn't condone fathers and daughters in sexual relationships, but again, that may be a bias I have. I know adoptee females fall into this category sometimes. My mother's answer is simple, " I was in a relationship before with someone deceitful, but this one is going to be 100% honestly in everything, even down to standing in front of one another bare ". It actually doesn't surprise me, because we both are writers and come up with all kinds of scenarios all day long about all sorts of things, including our relationship. We do all kinds of things - role reversal where I'm female and she's male/female...it's nuts but I've never been in a relationship where I was this honest. We've had knock down arguments where we've ( metaphorically ) given one another black eyes, but we always work it out in the end.
ReplyDeleteIn conclusion, I'm in my forties and she is in her sixties, so having children is not an issue here. In a nutshell, and it's been proven scientifically, there is only ONE consciousness that prevades and upholds the known universe, so who you think is your mother or father may just be a personal or subjective viewpoint.
I myself don't have 'GSA', but I still find this blog interesting; It's a good habit to take on new perspectives to challenge one's mind, and I always like to indulge in good ol'Psychoanalysis research.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, this article is mostly (99%?) sentimental in its approach rather providing more information to people outside of the clique, as I see it this article can be summarized as : "Approach your happiness if you want to regardless of external influence".
Of course, unless it was meant to be entirely emotional support rather anything else.
good observation!
DeleteI'm really looking for some support. Both me and the other person involved really want to be together. Unfortunately,the other person has a lot of guilt and we have stopped being a 'couple'
DeleteWhen we were it was ups and downs because of the guilt, not for me although. We live together, we can't imagine being apart from each other but it is the most painful heartbreak I've ever been through. I'm sure the other feels the same. I tried to get some support online where all my privacy was confidential, but they wanted me to pay a $25 fee and I feel that is very unreasonable for people struggling without help, we have to pay. I don't trust the page asking for money, they might not be genuine, found a sensitive subject that needs support and they want to profit from it. I want to remain completely anonymous, neither of us can afford for how we feel about each other to be revealed. Mainly worried that somehow my browser can be looked at. I aslo have trouboe understanding how people who have gotten married not knowing they were related, and found out after, are still allowed to be married. But people who reconcile from long time separation, are frowned upon. I'm desperate for help, the other can't handle the guilt and I can't handle being apart. I don't think I will ever be able to move on, and I don't want to. We were really good together, best friends. We still are,longing for each other.
Anonymous, I'm so sorry you're dealing with that heartbreak.
DeleteI think I know about the people who wanted the money. It is too bad it is done that way.
PLEASE do write me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com. I can put you in touch with others who've been through exactly what you're going through, FOR FREE! You can write me from an existing address or get your own protonmail account for free. I NEVER share what anyone tells me in private.
I'm really looking for some support. Both me and the other person involved really want to be together. Unfortunately,the other person has a lot of guilt and we have stopped being a 'couple'
DeleteWhen we were it was ups and downs because of the guilt, not for me although. We live together, we can't imagine being apart from each other but it is the most painful heartbreak I've ever been through. I'm sure the other feels the same. I tried to get some support online where all my privacy was confidential, but they wanted me to pay a $25 fee and I feel that is very unreasonable for people struggling without help, we have to pay. I don't trust the page asking for money, they might not be genuine, found a sensitive subject that needs support and they want to profit from it. I want to remain completely anonymous, neither of us can afford for how we feel about each other to be revealed. Mainly worried that somehow my browser can be looked at. I aslo have trouboe understanding how people who have gotten married not knowing they were related, and found out after, are still allowed to be married. But people who reconcile from long time separation, are frowned upon. I'm desperate for help, the other can't handle the guilt and I can't handle being apart. I don't think I will ever be able to move on, and I don't want to. We were really good together, best friends. We still are,longing for each other.
Anonymous, I'm so sorry you're dealing with that heartbreak.
DeleteI think I know about the people who wanted the money. It is too bad it is done that way.
PLEASE do write me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com. I can put you in touch with others who've been through exactly what you're going through, FOR FREE! You can write me from an existing address or get your own protonmail account for free. I NEVER share what anyone tells me in private.
Hi can I please have your email? Over made an account. Thank you!
DeleteFullmarriageequality at Protonmail dot com
DeleteHello. Me and my half sister both have gsa, and i have a girlfriend with a baby on the way. All three of us know about the situation, and we've talked about it many times, the three of us, and even had sexual experiences together. Lately, however, my lady has become very jealous of my sister, and she seems unable to cope without bouts of depression and anger. I'm unsure as to how to help, me and my sister have stopped sexual activities for the time being, but the urge/pull is so powerful for both of us that it's nearly impossible to stop, and it's only so long until i won't be able to give in. I'm worried about destroying my relationship, but i'm not able, or willing, to stop how i feel about my sister. Both of them love and respect each other, but my gf has trouble "Sharing" me. It makes her very upset, and i can't help, because when she looks at me, all she thinks about is her. I don't know what to do- but i just want the three of us to be happy and safe. Do you have any advice for me?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, thanks for sharing that extremely tough experience. The GSA bond is very strong, so it isn't surprising that your girlfriend is jealous. You're dealing with issues that are largely up to your girlfriend, and others that will be joint decisions between you and your girlfriend, or the three of you. Email me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com because there is too much to go over within a comment.
DeleteIs anyone interested in sharing their story of love on a docuseries? email me: iputyouontv at gmail
ReplyDeleteExcuse me, Keith Pullman. I would like to know: are you a geneticist? No offense, but I find it somewhat hard to believe the things you wrote on this site. For one, that author you interviewed claims that she did some research and found that children born to siblings have only 7% increased risk of defects. My attempt to find answers online had been futile, because most search results are copy-paste of that famous German brother-sister couple. Also, everyone seems to be saying things like "everyone knows that incest will result in defects" or "the risks are actually exaggerated, incest actually only increases the chance of defects by [insert any small number]%". Speaking of numbers, EVERYONE backs up their claim with numbers (50%, 7%, 30%, etc.) but they all seem to be uneducated guesses, with no source to back them up. The only professional-sounding (or at least the one which sounds the least like some uninformed guy who just wants to join the controversy) comment I managed to find was from Jurgen Kunze, a professor of human genetics at Berlin's Charite hospital, who told a newspaper: "When siblings have a child together, there is only a 50 percent chance that it will be healthy when it is born." That statement contradicts your claim that most children born to consanguineous parents are healthy. Please clarify, I'm really confused right now.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a geneticist, but I stand by my statement. Perhaps this will help:
Deletehttp://www.larasig.com/node/2020
I KNOW siblings who have had children together. I have paid attention to news reports of the same as well, and talked with people who deliver babies for a living about this. Almost all of the children born to siblings that I know of are very healthy. The 50% figure is outlandish.
They're all over the place because studies of offspring to closer than 3rd-degree couples are rare, small, and have biased samples. Even the people performing the studies frequently admit that. Metastudies of cousin couples indicate, however, that 1st-cousins - 3rd-degree couples - have only 1-2% increase as a population over more distantly related couples (since we're all related). From that, anything higher than 12% increase for 1st-degree couples is HIGHLY dubious in my eyes.
DeleteIncest might lead to high possibility of genetic disorders in the next generation produced. But incest is not all about having babies. If someone is in love with his 50+ year old mother who had been through sterilisation, it's not because he wants to have a child with her ultimately. It might also be because he just wants to get engaged in an intercourse with his mother and no one else.
DeleteA few years a go, my half sister found me on facebook, We were both in our early to mid twenties, this came about a year after our father had passed away, he was barely in my life, and non existent in hers, there was a spark the moment we met, we had many sleep overs, we would cuddle and give eachother little peck kisses on the head and cheeks, we talked every single day, we both felt torn apart whenever we were away from eachother, to me, she was the most beautiful person in the world standing before my eyes, and ditto for her, at the time I was single and just didn't care for relationships, sometimes felt I only ever entered into them because they were made out to be oh so great, she was with a man who just wasn't very nice to be polite about him, she would hide it and make out he was the world to her, I saw through her words every time, it was like we had the kind of bond where I could sense what she was thinking and how she was feeling, she sensed the same.
ReplyDeleteMonths pass by and inevitably, her relationship with Mr not a very nice feller ended, I was there for her everyday, I felt the pain she was feeling, it was probably the first time I'd ever really felt such deep epathy for anybody, the very thought of her being treated badly, cheated on, called nasty names, not being the only one through someone's eyes really got me, it tore me up inside because for the first time, I had accepted someone whole, good bad, all the inbetween, I loved everything about her, this to me felt like the definition, or my definition at least, of perfect.
A few weeks passed and we were as we were, cuddled up together watching a movie, i stroked her hair and looked her in the eyes and told her, she was a beautiful person who deserves above and beyond what she's been through, she smiled with the usual sparkle in her eyes and kissed me on the lips, from there that kiss snowballed to everything else, it was the most intense, beautiful, amazing experience of my life, finally, the flood gates had opened and we could be truly open and affectionate towards eachother.
Time passes by again and I asked her to be in a relationship with me, I thought long and hard about what we would be getting into and really fought myself on it, but no matter how I span it, when I tore away at any possible reason not to, nothing was worth not being with her, because being with her is where I belong, there was nobody else in the world I could ever see myself happy with, she said yes and together we began on our beautiful journey, hand in hand.
Fast forward to now, we are still just as happy if not more so than we were in the beginning, despite what society has dictated to us, we do not and will not ever feel that what we are doing is wrong, only the people important to us know about us, and that's probably the only frustration because we want the world to know of our beautiful love, some supported us, some told us we were stupid and needed to break up, we never faltered from eachothers side regardless, and because of our strong stance, people have grown to accept us.
If I could I would tell anyone going through this that as long as you are both old enough to make this decision, to be strong, what you are doing is not wrong, at times you'll have the world on your back, at times people will try to break you apart for their own selfish reasons, but stay together, be proud of what you have, this is between the 2 of you, nobody else matters, I hope one day society will accept our love and we can finally be free from living in the shadows, until then, stay strong, stay together. :)
Anonymous, thanks for sharing your beautiful love story with us. Please, if you haven't done so already, write me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com or on Facebook, where I can be found at /fullmarriageequality
DeleteThank you so much! I am crying now, not because I feel as if there is something wrong with me but because I feel as if I am not alone, a freak or wrong. Thank you so much! Thank you!
Delete***Hugs thru the computer screen***
Me being someone who actually has an open mind and tries to understand something for myself as opposed to being a number/sheep find this very helpful and very interesting. I do not wish to bore anyone with a long story but I have experienced this with a same sex sibling and am scared that they will not be as mature about it as me and we will lose contact, I hope this does not happen as I am still only getting to know them :(
ReplyDeleteI am a little disappointed that my message wasn't posted and or answered. I'm really trying to be tolerant and see things from an outside perspective but I guess if your not talking about how cool it is to fuck your family then what anyone has to say is mote. Thanks anyway, I'll just figure it out!
ReplyDeleteI'm not quite sure what you're talking about. I post all comments that aren't spam unless they are so trollish as to not warrant posting or the person making the comment requests it not be posted. I tend not to post words the US FCC would not allow on it's regulated broadcasts, such as the "f" word, but in your case I made an exception.
DeleteI find this entire phenomenon very worrisome when it doesn't come with strong enough warnings. There are two taboos common across almost all cultures and countries:
ReplyDelete1) patricide
2) incest
Now, I understand all the historical/evolutionary explanations for 'why' and such. No need to educate me. My point is these taboos are unlikely to EVER be 'acceptable' under law or socialy. Due to that, the two relatives should, imo, be EXTREMELY cautious about this 'attraction'. Avoid it all costs might be a better way of putting it. My thinking is that even if there's some honeymoon period, all relationships have the potential for failure. How do you break up with family? Wouldn't that be a double tragedy, especially in the unfortunate parent/child reunion? The child loses, again? How unfair! Or, what if one person is eaten alive by guilt to the point of mental health issues? Now this 'love' is potentially fatal. Or the person tells someone and that somoene is rightly nauseated and goes to the authorities. It all just, imo, should be actively DISCOURAGED, not 'understood' to the point of acceptance amd rationalizing incest. I see nothing but extreme potential damage and rather than give in to their attraction, they seek counseling about it and strictly govern their interaction, even limiting it if necessary, than become entangled in a relationship that could result in embarassment, acorn, and further alienation. I also think the older of any relative dynamic has an extra responsibility to 'do the right thing'. Most people would be as disgusted by such relationships as they are pedophiles and it seems the risk of harms is over-whelmingly greater than not. I know you probably disagree with me, but we all must face the realities of the world or society we live in and if two relatives, long lost or not, cannot keep sex oit of their relationship, I think they are far better served not to have any relationship with the person at all.
Anonymous, most of your concern has to do with the results of bigotry. How about we stop catering to bigotry, instead of driving lovers apart?
DeleteIt isnt bigotry only because a person does not agree with you. somebody so biased as you should NOT be able to own or have rights to this forum.
DeleteIt is bigotry when people hate it want to discriminate against others, especially when their attacks so not have a shred of evidentiary support.
DeleteThe most ridiculous in your attack, isn't that is coming from bigotry, but that is false. Incest is NOT a universal taboo, just like the Oedipus complex, which makes want to mate with your mother and kill your father, isn't. Well, it's true for the "mate" part, but hating your father isn't compulsory at all.
DeleteSee the Egyptians: marriage (thus, making babies) was allowed between siblings. THE END for the "universal" crap. And your still talking about "marriage" or "babies", while Keith is talking about love, which is not the same. How many gay incest occur without babies to reveal it ? NO ONE will EVER know, at least as long as we are in judo-christian hetero-centric society. And how many hetero incest occur without babies either ? You won't know either. the "judeo" part of "judeo-christianism" has to be destroyed, and maybe, the "christ" part with its emphasis on LOVE will florish, at least I hope. If not, why not become Shinto ? Japanese seem to be pretty fond of incest and sexuality in general... at least before Americans taught them "normal" marital sex, and they became nevrotic.
I am not in a GSA relationship but two family members who I love dearly are. The fact of what others want to negatively judge not only just breaks my heart and want to cry for my female retaliative in this relationship so she doesn't have to anymore. The fact that she feels she must keep such a secret from her friends and society is horrible. She seems to struggle inside so much with her heart and with what everyone else has thought, said or might think and say if they found out. Which hurts him cause the distance she keeps him at with all she has been through with other guys would be great even without the stigma of them being related. As like her I too don't understand why it is so wrong when I never seen two people make each other so happy and love each other so much. How and why does society make it so hard for them. I ramble and am upset as I type this. I am a very emotional person when it come to the people in my life I love and care about so please excuse my explosion of words in trying to make sense of this all. I just want so much to know what to say or do to not make her feel wrong. I can't figure it out myself which I hate cause of that I have no way to help her realize that the love they feel and show each other when they are together (non-sexual people!) is what people yearn for till we die. It just is so mind blowing and shows me how society is a 'hater' upon all of us. If anyone could tell me what to do to help her not feel so wrong when she should wants and should feel truly in love and not feel wrong for it please let me know. I don't care that their related. How could it be so wrong when they make each other so happy? I don't get it! GRRRRRRRR!
ReplyDeleteThanks for listening.
Anonymous, your comment is one of the most touching I have ever received. Please contact me privately at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com or Facebook.com/fullmarriageequality and please invite your loved ones to contact me, too. I think your support means so much
DeletePeople need to remember that this is a blog and the writer is stating his or her own OPINION only. There are blogs that support and justify child abuse, does that make it right?
ReplyDeleteThis writer has slanted his opinion to try and justify something that is dangerous health wise.
Don't be a sheep. Be a brave human and challenge yourself to look for love without taking this easy way out.
On a last note: the reason that mixing ethnicities creates such a healthy child is just that, diversity of the genes and weeding out sickness that in breeding causes.
I send these thoughts with kindness and a degree in genetics
Yes, I'm stating my opinion and the opinions of others, my research, and what I've gathered after hearing from literally hundred of people who've experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction and some of the people in their lives, as well. You're giving your opinion that this is "dangerous health wise." I assume you're not talking about GSA, but rather having children together? I've already written extensively about this here: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2011/06/consanguinamory-and-reproduction.html
DeleteYou know what is unhealthy? Avoiding a loving relationship because of what other people think.
I can find geneticists that say interracial mixing is bad. I can find psychiatrists who say the same thing, and say gay relationships are bad. Thanks for your opinion. I'll mark you down in the "no" category.
I know this is late but I saw this and had to comment.
Delete"Don't be a sheep. Be a brave human and challenge yourself to look for love without taking this easy way out."
There is NOTHING easy about loving someone faithfully and unconditionaly in spite of the bigotry laden laws and the biased hatred we have to live our lives surrounded by. Holding onto what we have found, in the face of adversity and danger is how we are brave, how we represent the most beautiful part of our humanity... our deep and abiding capacity to love.
This is our strength.
I'm a fan of erotic fiction, and I admit I've explored and enjoyed reading the taboo topics, even incest. However, those were just fantasies I briefly entertained. I read the article, "What it's like to date your dad," and was a bit shocked that the experiences reminded my of the erotic fiction, so detailed in the sexual scenarios, as if somehow the readers needed that If I wanted made up a story about experiencing GSA and test out the story, would this be a good place to test my skills as an erotic fiction writer?
ReplyDeleteOh thank you for writing this. I was in a GSA relationship for 2 years..I felt like I was alone until someone showed the term for it. I'm still very much in love with that person but we can no longer be together..do you know of any, groups (closed ones preferably) on fb for people in GSA relationships or ones on tumblr or just somewhere on the internet in general? I feel like I need to talk to people who understand me or just GET how I feel..thank you again!
ReplyDeleteI'm,so glad I go and this forum, have been in a gsa relationship with my half brother.we never grew up a all together, we meet properly and starting forming a relationship a year and half ago. I love him to the end of days and he does me too. our connection is like no other it hasent been easy we hid it for a year but slowly out family could see our connection our love so strong and it surfaced. I couldn't deny it health wise I suffer from a lot, we've been through so much together I can't not love him the way I do... most of our family and extended family know now what we were, some said let it be if your happy and others wanted n hibg to do with us.... well forboth of us the ones who want nothing to do with us if we continue really were never part of my life anyway so is it a loss... its hard to make a decision and know What is right for us to do especially because I have a daughter .... we both are so in love and its been the hardest thing ever but I dont regret one day of us and I wish for my whole life to be filled with his love... do we do what's makes our lives happy? in the end that's all anyone reply wants isn't it.... or do we follow suit and deny our love...
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, thanks for your comments. If you haven't done so already, please contact me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com so we can talk more.
DeleteSooooI wanted to know why people committed incest and this blog helped a little. BUT it was kinda biased. What environment did the people who have GAS live in? Is this common in their family? I can go on and on with the questions but the thing is I see this out of a selfish whim its like "Oh I"love" this person I want to be with them cause they make me "happy" I dont want to hear the damn "if they're in love they shouldnt care what anyone else thinks" crap because if you really love this person you should think what is really best for them and their future because why should you keep a relationship like this a secret from society without thinking that there is a chance that secret will be revealed or have one partner who feels guilty and/or disgusted what they're doing or have kids who have a slim chance of being healthy and find out that their parents are brother and sister or deal with the dilemma from their family and friends choosing to accept it or not. Even if you're in attracted or "in love" with someone you're related to you should seriously think of what will happen in the future because your feelings for them will change and you dont want to be 29 or 32 and look at that person and be like"What the hell have I done"
ReplyDeleteWe are working to eliminate the hateful prejudice that harms people experiencing GSA rather than telling people who experience GSA to bow to the needless restrictions on their love.
DeleteAmazed me the question "in what environment they live" and here are my 2 cents. My maternal family with about 12 or more couples of different degrees cousins marriages/partnerships since the old times to the actual day, lives a NORMAL live, scattered in different places depending of their jobs/professions that includes 3 college professors (one in Harvard), physicians, lawyers, nurses, etc. We don't hide in caves nor live as savages.
DeleteA fathers love for a daughter is a hard thing to define in words or actions. If his heart is all in, and he is sincere in his love, devotion, desire and actions, he should want her to be prepared sexually too. He knows what a man thinks, and wants. Young boys will just abuse, disrespect, and shred her vagina and sexual innocence. I feel that if a father were to give her feelings of respect, admiration, attention, and sexual satisfaction from true love making, she would know a bad apple, and always look for the better ones. Therefore, be a much happier and more sexually satisfied confident female ready for the world she will have to live in. Teach her, tell her, show her and give her everything she needs to know about sex and true love. Would this be abuse or an over concerned father that wants the best for his daughter if she was still a teen?
ReplyDeleteWhat you describe has nothing to do with GSA, since GSA happens between noncustodial genetic parents and their post-pubescent genetic children.
DeleteIt is the obligation of custodial parents and guardians to raise their minor dependent children to be independent adults, not groom them to be their toys.
The scenario you describe is best depicted on the "daddy's baby" blogs of Tumblr. You are totally wrong.
DeleteThis is very interesting and like everything in life, everyone has their own opinions. While this may not change people's opinions I like that it gives a little insight. GSA is not something we go looking for, nor is it taken lightly by the people involved. I find I'm still fighting with my brain and heart every day. The term 'love' is used so often and so loosely these days that many people think it is an option or a choice. The option is happiness, not love. I don't think anyone that has not experienced GSA will ever understand truly how it feels. I have only known my love for about 2-3 months but it seems like we were never apart. I understand what he says even when he doesn't and he does the same. I litterally feel when he is upset or something is wrong without being told and we live hours apart. We get eachother on a much deeper level than should be possible. Feelings are amplifieD by 100%. Our love is a powerful thing. Sometimes it is the most wonderful feeling of bliss, sometimes it's downright frightening. It will not go away, we have loved eachother since our eyes met and will forever. It is sad that this close and wonderful connection is written off as sick or twisted. You don't live my life, you don't feel my pain or my joy Yet you want to tell me if it's correct to feel what I feel? You judge, but you don't cry at night wondering if you'll ever get to truly have the happiness you've found. I don't understand. I'm not hurting anyone. Nor am I forcing anyone into my life or into doing what I am. if people would focus more on themselves and less on judging everyone else I think we would all find a little more peace. That all being said, GSA is the worst and best thing that's ever happened to me. we have a long road but I'd rather travel it with my broski than be anywhere else without him. Thanks for letting me ramble and thank you to those of you who Can keep an open mind. We are all just human after all.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Anonymous. If you haven't done so already, please email me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com
DeleteI can totally understand your situation I am in the same boat ours has been for 9 months and I get to see him for a day once every two weeks unless we have a plan weekend and I see him once a month.
DeleteHi peeps. Now I have entered a situation where I love my sister so much... pure love I didn't know this existed. Where can I find peeps to talk with? The forum is dead right?
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! A good place to go is Kindred Spirits. Be sure to read and immediately follow the rules: http://kindred.forumup.com
DeleteI'm so glad that I've found this site, I have fallen in love with my half brother ( we have the same dad ) I first met him when I was 15 and he was 22 I have adored him from the minute I met him, our dad died when I was 25 and I didnt see my brother again for 15 years, we're not kids anymore im 40 hes 47 but what we share is amazing I cant even begin to explain the love we have, but I feel so guilty I have 2 children who have only just met there uncle and they know how much I love him as I have spoken about him so much over the years we had lost touch, it is so hard because our families would never accept what we feel for each other and I could never hurt my children, its just so good to know that we are not the only ones struggling with our feelings
ReplyDeleteCongratulations in your love! You are definitely not alone. If you haven't done so already, write me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com
DeleteWow I am so glad I found this website. I was reunited last August with my brother who was given up for adoption when he was born 48 years ago. His adopted mother reached out to our mom and I was reunited with him in August of last year, I travelled to see him and then one thing led to another and yes it happened. The thing that is the stressor I am married and have been trying to make it work after he has had several affairs, yet after last August I am determined to get a divorce and move across country to be with my brother. Yes my brother and I are in love, it is intense and we have had discussions of marriage since we both have different last (maiden names) it would be to find unless family searched the records and we have decided if we take this step it would be secret with the fake bedroom. Its just so trying and I thought I was a freak.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, thanks for your comment and thanks for letting us know we're helping. Congrats on your love! If you haven't done so already, please write me a fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com as I'd like to be in contact with you.
DeleteMy husband is involved in a gsa relationship with his sister. It has tearing both families apart. After they met they both moved into separate rooms in each of our homes and basically treat us like the enemy. Are there support groups for the family members affected by gsa
ReplyDeleteUnknown, I'm so sorry that is happening to you. I hope you know that it has nothing to do with anything you've done or haven't done. Last I checked, there was a forum requiring a paid subscription that might have some help. I'd recommend a free Yahoo Group called Reunion_gsa. It might be difficult for you to see things written by others who are in your husband's shoes, but you might also get some reassurance and good advice. Adoption reunion discussion forums might also be of some help, even if your husband's situstion wasn't an adoption. You didn't say it was or wasn't. Many of the issues are the same.
DeletePlease what is the solution to GSA. How can you treat yourself of it?
ReplyDeleteGSA is natural and normal. The "solution" depends on your circumstances. Please write me a fullmarriageequality at Protonmail dot com
DeleteI've always felt an atraction to my sister, she's 5 years older than me. I know she felt it also, but she' won't talk to me about it. We're in our fifties and she has no communication with me. She totally denies her feelings, but her actions were obviously different. I wish she would be honest with herself and let go of her fears and let it be.
ReplyDeleteThat's too bad.
DeleteI want to share my story. My husband is the only 1 till know who has known the whole truth. I was molested at the age of 6 months by my father. He was put in jail for many years. I had no contact. My mother had told me for years my father was dead. The day before my 11th birthday I was told the truth. That he was alive and serving jail time for me and 2 others. Understandably I was upset about this. I was raised semi religious and told by many that no matter what if you weren't a virgin you were nothing but taint meat. I was so lost. For years I had been trying to understand why my body felt weird desires. Why I was having intense almost pain like sensations down below and the only way to make it stop was to hump stuffed toys and pillows. Finding that out from my mother about my father explained why I felt these feelings for all my childhood. And it destroyed me. I felt worthless.
ReplyDeleteSo I started having sex since I viewed myself so worthless. I ran away at age 12 with a 50 yr old mexican. Had many partners between 12 and age 14. I did return home and after a while my mother sat me down to tell me that it was time to meet my dad. Since I had gone through so much and she felt I could handle myself. So we meet. I was nervous. But my father seemed so amazing. We were so much alike. A couple months later my mother allowed me to see him without her present for day visits. We did so many cool things like go to the fair, go to museums. All things my mother never tried to do with us. I should point out my mother was abusive so I never knew what a proper child parent relationship was lkke. Well fast forward a year from meeting my dad. Things were so great. I finally had someone in my life whom made me their priority. And it happened. That moment that changes everything. We were at my dads place. We were alone and started play fighting/wrestling. Without realizing it I was getting excited. We ended up falling on the couch together. His knee in between my legs. In that moment true feelings became known to me. I was and had always been sexually attracted to my father. We both understood we were each feeling that. And things commenced. We had a secret relationship for a little over a year. Meanwhile I finally made friends in high school. It so happened they were incredibly religious. And convinced me to start going to there youth group. I started feeling conflicted and confused. I loved my dad. I loved just being around him, being intimate and everything else about it. But the religious stuff was making me question if it was right or not. Being the emotionally confused and overreactive teen that I was I told. Strangely (and thankfully) he was never convicted for it. They thought we just fought and I was making it up to get back at him.
I ended up feeling bad for confessing what we had. And begged forgiveness. Which he gave. We had an on and off sexual relationship after that but it was never the same. I ended up seeing someone else and got pregnant. I moved away. We no longer talk. Truth be told I still want that old relationship back. To be the woman of my fathers life. (I'm over 30 yrs old now.) I am so torn on that. My husband does know about and accept my feelings. I have wished to speak to a therapist about this. I am so afraid to though because I have children. 1 of whom is a boy about to become a preteen. And I'm so afraid that someone will try to say that because I feel the way I do about my father that it makes me a danger to my own kids. (Never mind that I would never touch my children like that and would harm anyone else who might try.)
That being said is my situation normal? Am I right to be afraid of what might happen if I speak to a professional?
That man who is biologically your father is an abuser who abused you multiple times, both early on and later. Your feelings are not unusual given the circumstances. Your mother was complicit in the abuse by reintroducing you to him and leaving you with him. I hope you recognize that. No children should endure either of your biological parents. So keep yours away.
DeleteYou should get therapy. It is highly unlikely your children would be taken away from you unless you indicated you were likely to abuse them.
It's terrible what was done to you. It wasn't your fault and, again, your feelings were and are normal. But you need to reoirient your thinking away from your abuser. Always feel free to write more by emailing me at fullmarriageequality at Protonmail dot com and I will keep what you tell me between us.
Thank you for your reply. Don't worry I would never allow either my son or my daughter to meet my parents. When I moved I literally moved the farthest you could get and still be in the US. I have made it impossible to find me. As stated before I am just so confused over my feelings. I know what he did and how it warped my mind in that regard. Even knowing it its just hard to understand and accept these feeling I have. I do intend at some point to seek a professional to talk to. I'm just waiting for the right time.
DeleteI am in love with my 1st cousin. We werw really close as kids. She is 5yrs younger. We lost contact when we were 19/14. Reconnected at 43/38. As soon as I looked into her eyes that day... a fire was lit in my heart. And it burns so hot.
ReplyDeleteSadly, we were both married. That was 7yrs ago. She is now divorced, but I am still tied down. It almost ended my marriage, but the wife made it clear she would "out me" to everyone in both our families.
I wish I had a supportive place I could express my story in detail.
You are welcome to join us at Kindred Spirits: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2017/12/the-consanguinamorous-and-allies-have.html
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