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Saturday, June 30, 2018

Myth: People in GSA Relationships Don’t Need the Freedom to Marry

Reality: Some people in Genetic Sexual Attraction relationships need and want the freedom to marry, and there is no good reason for them to be denied their right to marry if they’re consenting adults.

Because people experiencing GSA are close genetic relatives, some people argue that they don’t need their right to marry because they’re already family. However, they might not be considered family under the law, although in a loathsome double-standard, they may still be subject to discriminatory laws based on their genetic relation.

Those who are already sharing their lives as spouses, or want to, often do need the same rights, benefits, and protections as any other spouses. Also, marriage automatically provides for next-of-kin status, which is especially important when there is some discord between the lovers and others who are legally recognized as family. For example, if brothers Adam and Steve have been living as spouses for years and Steve winds up in a coma in the hospital, Steve’s estranged, bigoted, adoptive parents would likely be able to usurp Adam’s rights to make decisions.

An adult should be free to marry any and all consenting adults.

See Myth: Acting on GSA Needs to be Criminalized, Prosecuted, and Stopped

See Myth: I Don’t Know Anyone Who Has Experienced GSA
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Thursday, June 28, 2018

Not Too Close For Comfort

A comment came in on our popular entry "Aunts and Nephews"...
I'm currently in an active sexual relationship with my nephew. We aren't blood or marriage related. His mom and I are best friends and I helped raise him. The last time I saw him he was 11, we reunited now that he's 18 approaching 19. I'm 34. The attraction was instant and mutual. I feel like I am betraying my friend however, the amount of enjoyment and satisfaction I get from this guy is worth the risk. I think she suspects we're intimate but there's no proof. Her boyfriend is quite jealous that I don't look in his direction and tried to out nephew and I... Good luck, we both deny until we die! I don't want to stop, and neither does he. Any thoughts?
It's time to write a long-overdue essay on "fauxcest" or "nearcest" of whatever else this can be called. So that's below. But first, let's answer the questions raised Anonymous.

1) You two are consenting adults. You should be free to have this relationship. There's nothing wrong with having this relationship.

2) "I feel like I am betraying my friend..." This is not a rational reaction. It is a feeling that is based in prejudices and faulty reasoning. Your "nephew" would certainly be sexually active with someone, whether his mother is comfortable with that thought or not. Why is it is a bad thing that is with someone who already knows and cares about him? Sex isn't a bad thing, unless you are doing it wrong.

Someone might say to you "He's young enough to be your son" or to him "She's old enough to be your mother." But so what? Someone might go a step further and say he must be harboring a secret desire for his mother and you for your son (if you have one). That may or may not be true, but even if true, neither of you would find any scolding from us. It is very common for people to find someone who is like one of their parents or siblings, for example.

There's a chance your relationship will be outed (some of this advice might be helpful). And, it is likely that if that happens, your friend will be very upset with you. She might try to attribute her anger to the secrecy, but that would most likely just be an excuse. Neither of you is under any obligation to tell her the details of your sex life. If she finds out and is angry, give her time to cool off. You can tell her you understand her feelings without denying your entitlement to your love life. Many parents get upset at the thought of their child (even though their child is an adult) having sex. Some people get upset that someone they know is having sex  with someone to whom they're related. Neither reaction is based on logic, but rather things like aversion to change, feeling old, and even envy.

After she cools  off, she might realize that it can be a better thing that her son is with someone who has already known and cared for him. Some of this applies.


Enjoy what you have. There's no reason you shouldn't. Goodness knows there are many people out there who are miserable in a relationship or lonely. Why deprive anyone, especially yourself, of happiness?
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Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Adults Having Their Basic Rights Isn’t Child Abuse

When someone advocates for all adults to have the right to be with any and all consenting adults, or specifically for the rights of polyamorous or consanguineous adult lovers, someone who hasn't bothered to think it through or is being deliberately dishonest might respond with “So, you’re advocating for the abuse of children?”

If this is your response to someone advocating the rights of all CONSENTING ADULTS to be together, something is wrong with your reading comprehension. Adults are not children. Consenting means voluntary, not an abuse situation. Consenting adults being together has nothing to do with abusing children.

Trying, but failing, to avoid looking like ignorant bigots, they might try something like “Yeah but, if we allow polyamorous, polygamous, or plural marriages, or we allow incestuous relationships or marriages, doesn't that make it more likely children will be abused by normalizing it? Isn't the next step moving on to children?”

This is an attempt at guilt by false association. It is something LGBTQ people have been dealing with forever. “If you allow gay people to be together, it will make it easier to molest children!” It simply doesn’t follow. It’s a lie that most LGBTQ people want to abuse children, and it is likewise a lie that people who are ethically nonmonogamous or consanguinamorous want to abuse children. Child abusers are going to try to abuse children. Children will be more likely to be abused and to keep quiet about it the more taboo we keep sex in general.

There are places where consanguinamorous relationships between adults are not criminalized, including a couple of US states. This has not caused an increase in child abuse in these places.

When it comes to ethical nonmonogamy, citing a few isolated villages or compounds where women don’t have equal rights and children are treated as property as proof it leads to child abuse is dishonest. Children are abused by professing monogamists every day, while most parents involved in ethical nonmonogamy are great parents who are not abusing children in any way.

Keeping unjust discrimination in place is wasting resources vitally needed to prevent and stop actual abuse. It makes it less likely victims and witnesses of abuse will cooperate with authorities if their own relationships are criminalized. Every bit of time and money wasted on trying to stop consenting adults from being together how they mutually agree is time and money that isn’t being spent to help people who are actually being abused.

There is no good reason to deny consenting adults their rights to be together how they mutually agree.
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Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Allies Are a Thing

One of the most ridiculous charges against people advocating for relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality, is that they themselves must be involved in a relationship that is being discriminated against, or is taboo or forbidden. It’s ridiculous for more than one reason.

First, it is trying to smear the person by accusing them of... having relationships with other consenting adults. Oh, what terrible people, right? Loving other people! How awful!

But it also denies that there are allies who show solidarity for the rights of others, thus revealing how selfish and self-centered the person making the “accusation” is. “Why else would you spend time on this?” they might ask, even as they themselves put energy into perpetuating prejudice.

There were many people of all races, not just of African ancestry, people who’d never been enslaved, who called for the abolition of slavery in the UK and US, and demanded civil rights subsequently. There were people who weren’t women who demanded women have their right to vote. 

Whether or not someone has done something themselves, such as being in a relationship that is being discriminated against, or was born a certain way or not is irrelevant to the facts. Denying consenting adult their basic rights is destructive and unjust. It didn't make Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s call for equality any less valid because he was an African-American, nor were the whites who marched with him African-Americans (clearly!) The message was important and just.

Nobody who argues for or against execution for people convicted of murder has been murdered or executed. Nobody who argues for or against euthanasia has been euthanized. Clearly, it is possible for a person to advocate against discrimination even if that person hasn’t been discriminated against. It's called... caring about people.


There are people being hurt by right now by discrimination, some of it still enshrined in law. This is why we care. This is why we advocate for the rights of an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those things without the others) with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. You don’t have to be suffering yourself to support the rights of all. You don’t have to be aware of the people in your life who are being hurt in order for you to fight for equality. And we guarantee there are people in your life who are being discriminated against because of their orientation or relationship situation. So, if the only way to get you to care is to tell you the discrimination hurts people you love, well, know that!
 
Be an ally, not a bigot.
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Monday, June 25, 2018

Another Example of Bigotry and Prejudice in Action


The amount of animosity and ignorance faced by people who advocate that consanguinamorists also have their human rights is astounding. The irrational responses full or prejudice and bigotry don't bode well for humanity.

There are a couple of Reddit threads I found because they included links to this blog. I'm not going to link to the threads because the civil rights advocate has suffered enough abuse, and I don't want to enable more.

She kicked things off by explaining she (her family, really) has been subjected to false reports to child protective services alleging that she is sexually abusing her minor son. It is clear that these allegations are being made because she is part of the movement to legalize consanguinamory (actually, any relationships) between CONSENTING ADULTS. She went on to explain that she is not sexually interested in her son and doesn't see herself being sexual with him when he is an adult. She asked for advice on how to stop the false allegations.

Her thread has been locked by the moderator because rather than addressing her question, it became a discussion about consanguinamory, with some of the usual ignorance on display.

She added...
I know who a few of them are but one reported as completely anonymous and this person made up the most heinous allegations against me that caused the police to interrupt my son's school to discuss it with him while another teacher from school was present. They did not inform me until after they had spoken with him.
Displaying a complete lack of comprehension, one person responded...
Wait... so you back a group promoting incest, and people are lodging complaints with the authorities that you may be committing incest?
There were other comments that were even more clear about their ignorance.
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Friday, June 22, 2018

Frequently Asked Question: Can Siblings Marry?


The following is based on my understanding. I’m not at attorney and this should not be considered legal advice.

Can siblings marry?

I’m not aware of any government that will currently marry full-blood siblings or recognize a marriage of full-blood siblings; rather, if it was discovered by the authorities after an official marriage was formed that the spouses were, in fact, siblings, the marriage would be dissolved and considered invalid. If the spouses knew they were siblings when they married, they would be subject to prosecution. If they discovered the genetic relationship after getting married, they would have to file for an annulment or dissolution or risk prosecution.

Where sibling consanguinamory isn’t still banned by law, siblings can have a wedding ceremony and live the married life, although under discrimination, as their government will not recognize their marriage and they will not get treated equally.

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Thursday, June 21, 2018

Friend of FME Comes Out in Media

Although she wasn't really in the closet, a Friend of FME still would only make media appearances under some protection. She has now courageously appeared in the media again, this time as herself. Candice Fernandez and Hayley Richardson printed the story at thesun.co.uk...
A WOMAN has married her long-lost half-brother, despite it being illegal in the United States.

Debby Zutant, 50, from Key West, Florida, married husband Joe, 37, three years ago at a registry office after 15 years together.

I remember seeing the pictures. It was lovely.
The duo, who share the same father, claim they experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) - a condition where people fall in love with their long-lost relatives.

GSA is happening more and more.

Debby was 35 and Joe was 23 when they first met in 2003, and Debby says it was “love at first sight”.

They had sex on their second date and moved in together within two weeks of knowing each other.

The pair hid their taboo relationship from their family for 10 years


It's too bad anyone would have to hide their love, or feel like they had to, but people often need to protect themselves and each other.
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Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Myth: Acting on GSA Needs to be Criminalized, Prosecuted, and Stopped

Reality: There’s no stopping Genetic Sexual Attraction, although someone can attempt to prevent others from acting sexually on GSA, but decriminalizing GSA and bringing it out of the shadows is the best thing to do all-around.

If someone thinks having a consanguinamorous relationship is always a bad idea, it still hurts more than it helps to criminalize consanguineous sex. People experiencing GSA need to be completely free to seek assistance if they want it. Criminalization hinders that. Therapists and other counselors should be learning about GSA and learning how to help people who are experiencing it.

Some people say criminalization is needed to prevent societal collapse due to everyone making mutant babies with their close relatives. As already explained, most children born to close relatives are healthy. Even so, consanguinamory and reproduction are two different things.

We can also look at places where it is legal for close relatives to have sex and children together, such as Spain, Portugal, Rhode Island, and New Jersey. Has there been a crisis as a result in any of those places?

Another part of this myth is that laws against consanguinamory prevent abuse. Abuse is illegal regardless of consanguinamory laws, and criminalizing consensual sex actually makes it more difficult to get victims and witnesses to cooperate in the prosecuting of abusers. Even if you want someone to get through GSA without having a(n ongoing) sexual relationship, criminalization is counterproductive. The only way to stop sex between those involved is to have constant, direct supervision of all reunited/introduced close genetic relatives 24/7/365. This, however, is needless. For some, the involvement is for a season and it will pass. For others, it will last a lifetime. Either way, there’s no good reason to try to stop it.

See Myth: It is Illegal Everywhere to Act on GSA

See Myth: People in GSA Relationships Don’t Need the Freedom to Marry



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Monday, June 18, 2018

Why Polygyny Should Be Legalized

Polygyny should be legalized because the freedom of association, including the right to marry, is a basic human right and marriage equality means an adult having the freedom to marry any and all consenting adults.

An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Adults should be free to love each other how they mutually agree.

There is no good reason to deny the civil rights of polygynous people or deny their relationships equality. In the US, it is unconstitutional to deny people these rights.

Some people thrive the most within polygynous relationships. Polygyny isn't for everyone, but some people enjoy polygyny.

Polygyny means having more than one wife; as such, it is a form of polygamy (indeed, many people make the mistake of thinking the terms are synonymous). There are many places in the world where such relationships are traditional. There are relationships all over the world that function this way. Sometimes they are called "plural marriages" or simply marriage.

Fortunately, polygynous-style relationships aren't criminalized in general in most countries that don't require all relationships be functionally monogamous, even though it is illegal in places like the US and the UK to register as having more than one wife at the same time. It many places, it is legal to discriminate against people who are in polygynous relationships.

Lets make full marriage equality happen sooner rather than later, so that anyone who wants a polygynous relationship (or a polyandrous relationship, for that matter) will be truly free to have one, and marry if they want. And remember, gender equality is a necessary part of full marriage equality.

 Why Polyandry Should Be Legalized
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Saturday, June 16, 2018

Frequently Asked Question: How Common is Incest?

The short answer: Nobody knows for sure, but it appears to be common enough that you know someone who has been involved, whether you know it or not. If you have been, are, or want to be involved, you are not alone and it doesn’t make you bad or sick. You’re in the company of royals and peasants, urban dwellers and rural folk, the wealthy and the poor throughout history. Regardless, rights are not reserved for the majority.

This answer is addressing consensual incest, in which I include, in addition to adults, minors who four years or less apart in age when force or coercion are not used. This is what I call “consanguinamory” or consanguineous sex. This answer is not about child molestation, sexual assault, or rape.

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Friday, June 15, 2018

Happy Father's Day

Sunday is Father's Day.

For all men raising or helping to raise a child, whether you are a biological father, presumed father, grandfather, stepfather, bonus father, adoptive father, foster father or any variation… Happy Father’s Day!

A special thanks to fathers who have supported and loved their children who are LGBTQ, polyamorous, consanguinamorous, or have otherwise faced persecution or oppression because of who they are or the person(s) they love.

Finally, a note of encouragement to all fathers who can’t legally marry the person(s) they love, but would if they could, or who face bullying due to love or who they are: We will win so that every adult can pursue love, sex, and marriage with any consenting adults.

Oh, and if you have an especially interesting Father's Day, or are planning something special, tell us about it by commenting below.
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Thursday, June 14, 2018

Progress for Polyamory in Canada

Laurie H. Pawlitza wrote at financialpost.com about a polyamorous triad involving one woman and two men who all wanted to be recognized as the parents to a child.
In the first decision of its kind in Canada, all three adult members of a polyamorous family have been recognized as parents of a child.

Two months ago, Justice Robert Fowler of the Newfoundland and Labrador Supreme Court (Family Division) in the case of Re C.C., decided the adults would be named as parents of the child born within their three-way relationship.
This is great news.
In the introduction to his decision, Justice Fowler described the unconventional St. John’s household:

“J.M. And J.E. are the two male partners in a polyamorous relationship with C.C., the mother of A., a child born of the three-way relationship in 2017. The relationship has been a stable one and has been ongoing since June 2015. None of the partners in this relationship is married and, while the identity of the mother is clear, the biological father of the child is unknown.”
The three adults brought a court proceeding asking to be recognized as the parents of A. after the Newfoundland Ministry of Service refused to designate them as parents, saying that the Vital Statistics Act allowed only two parents on the child’s birth certificate.
How about changing the paperwork?
Justice Fowler relied heavily on the 2007 decision of the Ontario Court of Appeal, A.(A.) v B.(B)., in which a lesbian couple sought to have both women legally recognized as the mothers of a child.
Once again, gays and lesbians have provided a way to others. Thank you!
Family law legislation across Canada now recognizes only one spouse’s obligation to the other. Current legislation will be difficult to apply in polyamorous relationships, especially if new partners become involved in the relationship and the relationship later breaks down.
How about adopting full marriage equality??? If three people can be legal parents to a child, why can't they be legal spouses to each other? This decision is good for the child. It would be even better if the child's parents could all be married if they want, instead of discriminated against.
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Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Myth: It is Illegal Everywhere to Act on GSA

Reality: No it isn't. It is not illegal everywhere to act on Genetic Sexual Attraction by having consanguineous sex or a consanguinamorous relationship. There are many countries where it isn't criminalized and a few states in the US with no or only some criminalization of adult relationships.

Where there still is criminalization of relationships between consenting adults, those unjust laws must go.

It is important to keep in mind that even where consanguinamory isn't criminalized, lovers are usually still unprotected from discrimination or bullying. Also, full marriage equality is needed in order for them to marry.

Lovers should protect themselves.

Friends and family should help protect and support them.

Let's make things better sooner rather than later.

See Myth: People Only Experience GSA Because They’d Heard About It or Knew of Their Relation

See Myth: Acting on GSA Needs to be Criminalized, Prosecuted, and Stopped
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Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Novels to Buy

UPDATE: Getting a lot of Game of Thrones traffic, so bumping this up. If you want some contemporary fiction with a realistic portrayal of sibling love, these novels provide that.

UPDATE:
The two novels are now being offered as a package. "This set contains both books in The Forbidden Flower Series plus deleted chapters." Get the package for Kindle here.[Please note that "Love's Erotic Flower" was a short erotica story and was not essential to the overall timeline of the overall story.]

I’m not going to pretend I can give an unbiased review of Diane Rinella’s new book, Time’s Forbidden Flower, which completes the story began in Love’s Forbidden Flower, the novel I first blogged about here. After all, I have been in ongoing contact with Rinella and the plot of the works involves something near and dear to my heart. Also, I may have influenced this latest work. There’s a third work involved: "Love’s Erotic Flower," a short story which was released between the two novels and is a sizzling detailing of the sexual coupling (over multiple encounters) between the main characters.

One need not read the novels to enjoy "Erotic" nor read "Erotic" to enjoy the novels, but both novels should be read in sequence, and to only reason to avoid "Erotic" if you enjoy the first novel is if you hate to get aroused by fiction.

I can’t recommend all three works more strongly. I even like the cover art.

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Sunday, June 10, 2018

Living Consanguinamorously - What About Roles?

Q: In a consanguinamorous relationship, what happens to the biological roles?

This is sometimes asked as “Do they still see themselves as siblings (or parent/child, etc.)?” or various other questions.

A (Short): It depends. Every situation has some differences from others.

A (Long): One of the questions usually asked in the exclusive interviews featured on this blog is that very question. Consanguineous lovers are asked if they see each other primarily as lovers or as family or if those things are inseparable. Hopefully in any relationship, people see each other as people first and foremost.

Relationships come in many varieties.
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Saturday, June 9, 2018

Where Are They Now?

Some people, while not themselves involved in consanguinamory, are turned on by erotica with an incest theme. Some people who are, or have been, involved in consanguinamory want nothing to do interacting with or providing masturbation material for the first group. This causes friction when these two groups intersect at incest websites. (As always, I’m referring to adult consensual sex.) Some discussion forums have deliberately maintained a policy prohibiting pornographic images or videos. Some of the antiporn sentiment within the consanguinamory community mirrors a general population antiporn sentiment that adult videos and images aren’t good representations of, or are even antithetical to, the reality of intimacy and lovemaking.

I'm not here to take sides on that issue. I try to keep this blog a safe and welcoming place to visit for all.

The rest of this entry is about a specific set of such explicit adult incest videos that have been widely circulated, as I have a curiosity about the participants. Click to read more only if you want to read or comment on this subject. [I am bumping up this entry because it is still relevant. Check the comments below for some updates.]
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Friday, June 8, 2018

Myth: People Only Experience GSA Because They’d Heard About It or Knew of Their Relation

Reality: There have been people who’ve experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction who were unaware of their genetic relation and had never heard of GSA before.

Trying to blame people for experiencing GSA can be like trying to blame someone for where they were born. 

Sons and daughters had no control over being placed in the circumstances that resulted in reunion GSA. Siblings usually didn’t either, although there are a few situations in which an older sibling, especially a half sibling, chose to be away from their younger sibling during the critical years of childhood, but it’s not immoral to, for example, go away to college or relocate for work or pleasure. While it is nice for family to visit, an adult older sibling has no moral obligation to make sure they are around their parent’s youngest child enough to ensure GSA doesn’t happen.

Genetic parents are more likely to have some control over the circumstances, but they don’t always. Some of them don’t even know they have a genetic child “out there” until that child, now an adult, shows up on their doorstep or in their online inbox.

GSA is a normal, natural reaction to the circumstances.

See Myth: If Only They'd Known Ahead of Time, GSA Wouldn't Have Happened

See Myth: It is Illegal Everywhere to Act on GSA
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Wednesday, June 6, 2018

How Consanguineous Lovers Can Avoid Trouble


Believe it or not, there are still criminal laws in many places criminalizing consensual sex between adults, and there are still police officers who will investigate people for this "crime," still prosecutors who will take the case before a court, and still judges and jurors who will convict people and sentence them to prison. There are still social workers who will take children away from good parents because those parents love other adults.

It doesn't matter to them how loving the relationships are. It doesn't matter if they love each other more than they could love others, it doesn't matter if the lovers didn't even meet each other until they were adults. It apparently doesn't matter to the people interfering that every dollar or minute they spend trying to stop consenting adults from loving each other is a dollar or minute that could instead go into protecting people, especially children, against predators.

In addition to this persecution of consanguinamorous people, there aren't any protections against other forms of discrimination against the consanguinamorous, such as employment discrimination. There are still many states that don't have protections for LGBT people, either, and polyamorous people are even less protected than monogamous LGBT people.

I sometimes forget that people don’t follow the news and law as closely as I do for this blog, so they may be unaware of these things. So I want to share with you what I've learned.

First, note the disclaimer that there is an ever-present at the bottom of this blog. I'll mostly repeat it here:

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Tuesday, June 5, 2018

An Open Letter to Officers of the Court in the US

If you are in the US and you are a judge at any level, or an attorney-at-law (whether a prosecutor, criminal defense attorney, civil law attorney), or even facing jury duty, this message is for you.

You are needed to help bring about justice.

There may be laws on the books in your jurisdiction that need to be overturned or removed. It is ridiculous that there is still discrimination not only permitted by law, but enshrined in law, against consenting adults simply because they love each other. The basic freedom of association that allows consenting adults to love each other how they mutually agree has been restricted by various unjust and unconstitutional laws throughout history. Although some of these restrictions have been removed by the Supreme Court of the United States, even those may still remain in your state codes or statutes due to legislative inertia or as mean-spirit statements or even in the hopes of a reversal by a subsequent Court ruling. It is clear that momentum is on the side of civil rights and has been for a long time. We must move forward in securing the rights of all adults.

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Monday, June 4, 2018

Myth: If Only They'd Known Ahead of Time, GSA Wouldn't Have Happened

Reality: There have been people who knew of their genetic relation and also knew about reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction, who were averse to the idea of sexual interaction between close genetic relatives, who have, nonetheless, experienced GSA.

The only way to be sure to avoid GSA is to either:

1) Never introduce/reunite genetic relatives raised apart, which is impossible given that they’ve been known to end up together without even intending to.

OR

2) Make sure they’re a regular part of each other’s life while growing up.

#2 May not be desirable for any number of reasons, but even close relatives who were raised together might end up having sexual interaction. For example, back in the 1970s studies revealed that about ten percent of people in their early twenties would admit to already having had (consensual, to be redundant) sexual contact with a sibling. This doesn’t even include contact with other close relatives. The percentage is probably higher today. While this usually doesn’t fall under what we define as GSA, it is still what people are worried about: close relatives enjoying each other sexually. So, avoiding the kind of distance that fosters GSA is still not an assurance that there will not be an attraction and/or some sexual interaction between close genetic relatives.

See Myth: GSA Feelings Will Go Away

See Myth: People Only Experience GSA Because They’d Heard About It or Knew of Their Relation
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Saturday, June 2, 2018

There's No Place Like Home

An anonymous question was submitted to this blog's sister Tumblr about whether or not it is OK for a young adult desiring their first sexual experience to approach a parent. Click through to read the answer.
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