Saturday, September 29, 2018

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #16

“Some men will be left out as polygyny increases.” This is based on the assumption that in a culture with gender equality, polygyny would still be more plentiful than polyandry. Anti-equality people, based on this assumption, insist that this will result in unmarried men devolving into criminals.

The mistake here is assuming that the second, third, etc. wives in a polygynous marriage would have wanted one of those unmarried men rather than legally sharing the man they did marry, and that the unmarried men would in turn want to marry them. Some of those men may want to marry men, or not marry at all. Why not allow people to marry the person or people of their choice? Why try to force people to settle? Also, the system is not closed. There are billions of people in the world and more and more people are reaching the age and status of eligibility every second.

There was a study attempting to link polygny to criminal behavior in unmarried/unpartnered men based in part on nineteenth century frontier America. Things have changed a little since then. And guess what? Married men commit crime, too. Most of the men in prison have been married, were married or had at least one girlfriend at the time they were convicted.

Maybe men in the hypothetical polygynous community who don’t get married are violent people. Is it better that they have a wife to beat instead of committing crimes on the street? I don’t want to be the one who tells a woman she can’t marry the man/men or woman/women she wants; rather, she has to marry a less desirable man so that he can take his aggression out on her.

The warnings that polyamorous or polygamous freedom to marry will result in an increase of violent gangs of unmarried men committing crimes falls flat when one considers the overwhelming data revealing both that 1) Men in the US are getting married for the first time later than ever, and 2) Crime rates in the US have decreased.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #15 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #17
— — —

Friday, September 28, 2018

An Open Letter to Legislators

This letter is focused on legislators in the US, but may be adaptable to legislators and legislatures in other countries. In the United States, most "sex police" laws and laws applying to marriage, civil unions, and domestic partnerships are set at the state level, by state legislatures. For example, the laws in New Jersey are different from the laws in New York, Texas, Florida, and California. There are some laws set by Congress that apply to indigenous peoples living on "reservations," to US territories, and to military personnel. Whether you're a Senator, Representative, Assemblymember, or some other legislator, this letter is for you.

Dear Legislator:

There may be laws on the books in your jurisdiction that need to be cleaned up or removed. The basic freedom of association that allows consenting adults to love each other how they mutually agree has been restricted by various unjust and unconstitutional laws throughout history. Although some of these restrictions have been removed by the Supreme Court of the United States, even those may still remain in your state codes or statutes due to legislative inertia or as mean-spirit statements or even in the hopes of a reversal by a subsequent Court ruling. It is clear that momentum is on the side of civil rights and has been for a long time. We must move forward in securing the rights of all adults.

It would be wonderful if your state constitution could be amended with the following:
The right to marry or to personal consortium shall not be abridged or denied by this state on account of sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, ancestry, consanguinity, affinity, or number of participants.

We understand that a constitutional amendment may not be possible given current political situations. If that is the case in your jurisdiction, please introduce and support legislation that will be adopted that will repeal or override any past statutes that are remnants of discrimination and denial of rights. There should be no laws left on the books in your jurisdiction that criminalize or discriminate against any of the following:
  • autoeroticism or masturbation
  • interracial affection, sex, relationships, cohabitation, or marriages
  • same-sex and same-gender affection, sex, relationships, cohabitation, or marriages
  • nonmonogamous affection, sex, relationships, cohabitation, or marriages
  • open relationships and open marriages
  • consanguineous affection, sex, relationships, cohabitation, or marriages
  • asexual or aromantic relationships, cohabitation, and marriages
  • casual sex between two or more consenting adults 
  • BDSM between consenting adults
  • selling, buying, giving, owning, or using adult/sex toys, devices, aids
  • observing, with their consent, consenting adults engaging in affection, sex, or BDSM 
  • creating, possessing, or viewing photographic and video recordings of consenting adults nude or in sexual or autoerotic situations
  • unmarried cohabitation, whether temporary or permanent, between two or more consenting adults
  • marriage, civil unions, or domestic partnerships between two or more consenting adults
  • physical affection, "sodomy," or sexual acts between two or more consenting adults
  • sex therapy

— — —

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

The Spice of Life

Monogamy isn't for everyone, and very few people only marry and have sex with one person throughout their entire life. If monogamy or serial monogamy is what works for you, we fully support that and support your rights to be monogamous.

In return, we hope you support the rights of others to be ethically nonmonogamous, especially since it is what is best for some and some are polyamorous as who they are.

Your personal feelings, boundaries, or convictions may preclude any form of ethical nonmonogamy for you, but that doesn't you need to put down others who are different. Thankfully, most of you don't. There really isn't any good reason that people who are nonmonogamous should be discriminated against.

We take a live and let live attitude around here, supporting everyone who just want to be themselves and have their relationships and to avoid trouble.

Whether someone is engaging in casual sex, swinging, swapping, threesomes, moresomes, hotwifing, cuckolding, an open relationship or open marriage, relationship anarchy, polyamory, polyfidelity, group marriage, plural marriage, or some other form of polygamy, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, that should be their business and shouldn't subject them to discrimination or bullying or prosecution. Same goes for some asexuals and aromantics who don't want sex or don't want romantic relationships. Let people do their thing!

Please feel free to comment with your thoughts and experiences regarding any form of ethical nonmonogamy, or write to fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.
— — —

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Bisexual Visibility Day

September 23 is Bisexual Visibility Day. 

To all bisexuals, especially our friends and readers, we see you. You are valid. You should have your rights and freedoms. You deserve representation. You should not be pressured to be closeted or to hide.
— — —

Friday, September 14, 2018

This Is Exciting: Risk and Reward

There's a new project that you should know about as a Friend of Full Marriage Equality. "Risk and  Reward" is an upcoming movie to which you can contribute. Even if you can't contribute monetarily right now, you can help get the word out.

Follow the movie on Twitter and  retweet them.

Like the movie's Facebook page and share what it posts.

It is critical to support projects like this. Visibility, representation, solidarity, and opening minds are all needed to secure the rights of all adults to love each other how they mutually agree.

— — —

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

Can You Marry Your Brother-In-Law?

That was a search that brought someone to this blog.

What is a brother-in-law?

There is more than one way to have a brother-in-law.

1) He could be your spouse's brother.

2) He could have married your sibling.

3) Some people would call a man who is married to their spouse's sibling their brother-in-law. For example, if I was married to a woman and her sister (who would be my sister-in-law) was married to a man, I might refer to him as my brother-in-law.

4) Similar to 3, someone might think of their sibling's spouse's brother as their brother-in-law. Your sibling's spouse is definitely your brother-in-law or sister-in-law. Their brother could thus be called your brother-in-law.

Unless "in-law" is being used figuratively or in the sense of number 4, it means you and/or he are married. In most places where English is the predominant language, people can still only be legally married to one person at a time. Where someone can only be legally one person at a time, the only way you can "marry your brother-in-law" is by being unmarried and marrying the person described in number 4.

— — —

Tuesday, September 11, 2018

Your Son's Choice in Media Content

Someone recently found this blog searching "My son has started to view incest porn."

What does it mean that your son is viewing "incest porn"?

There is a wide variety of material that can fall under that category.

1. Are we talking about professionally produced videos, featuring unrelated actors, like the classic "Taboo" movies or the countless more recent offerings?

2. Are we talking about what appears to be amateur or "home made" material with people who purport to actually be related?

3. Are we talking about material that depicts assault/molestation?

The first two categories are wildly and widely popular. There are a lot of people who are watching that or material that portrays fauxcest/nearcest. (There are a lot of people who have actual experience, too.) We generally refer to that as consanguineous sex or consanguinamory to distinguish it from abuse or assault.

While category 3 isn't as popular, it still has a following and as long as we're talking about fiction with consenting actors, there isn't necessarily cause for concern. If he seems to be obsessed with abuse/assault he should probably see a mental health professional for an evaluation.

The rest of this entry will focus on a son who is watching something that falls into the first two categories, which depict consensual consanguineous sex.

— — —

Sunday, September 9, 2018

Thursday, September 6, 2018

Why More Will Try Polyamory

Thanks to for continuing to feature good content respecting polyamorous families and individuals. Elisabeth Sheff, Ph.D had another good writeup there, titled "Fear of the Polyamorous Possibility." It is about why some people feel threatened by polyamory. [This entry is being bumped up.]

There are three common reactions, she says, to the realization that polyamory is a possibility. You'll have to click through if you want to read about those, but I wanted to note that she explains why there is the potential of a much larger percentage of the population having polyamorous relationships.
Among forms of sexual nonconformity, polyamory is unusual in that it could potentially be appealing to everyone who desires intimate relationships with other people. Most people are heterosexual, and it is readily apparent that not every one experiences same-sex sexual attraction or desire. In other words, not everyone has the capacity or desire to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Unless they are monogamous by orientation, however, most people in long-term relationships -- regardless of sexual orientation -- have had the experience of being attracted to someone else besides their partner. Almost everyone has the potential to be polyamorous in a way that many people do not have that same potential to be gay.
Just about anyone who has been in a long-term relationship, no matter how happy they have been in that relationship, has experienced a desire for, or daydream of, doing something with someone that might not be considered appropriate, and not because they want to betray or hurt the other person in the relationship, but because they find this "third" person fascinating, attractive, or they share something in common. It doesn't have to be sexual. It could be an emotional connection, or simply wanting to share some recreational experience. It could be going to a concert, or hiking and camping in a specific spot, a mutual interest in a style of dance or cuisine. Or, it could be entirely sexual, or romantic, or emotional. There are so very many ways that polyamory can be experienced, and many people who don't need polyamory can still want and enjoy at least a season in which they have more than one relationship, without lying or sneaking around.

Despite the claims of some bigots, adopting the same-gender freedom to marry and eliminating other forms of prejudice against LGBT people does not make one more person gay or lesbian. Removing discrimination against ethical nonmonogamy, and especially adopting the polygamous freedom to marry, will mean more people will enjoy polyamory, because you don't have to need polyamory to enjoy polyamory.
— — —

Sunday, September 2, 2018

A New GSA Blog and Jane's Latest

Here's a new blog written by a woman in a Genetic Sexual Attraction relationship with her father.

Also, Jane has updated her blog with an entry about being on the consanguinamory spectrum in orientation but being in a "regular" relationship.

— — —