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Thursday, May 31, 2018

Sibling Rivalry or Sibling Revelry

I used to be active on a certain Big Online Portal's question-and-answer feature, answering questions related to full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults, and occasionally questions about teenager sexuality. I still read what goes on there. Every once in a while, someone will ask a question like this...
I caught my siblings making out, what should i do?
I caught my 16 year old sister and 17 year old brother making out, I don't really know what to do. To be honest I'm very shocked, and a bit disoriented thinking about it. They're both pretty attractive, I don't see why they would shack up with each other when they could go out and get people who... aren't related to them.

I want to tell ma and pa, but they begged me not to, don't really know how to approach this situation, Or if I should just respect their privacy. I guess I'm just worried about their mental health, but I guess that's pretty unfair of me to assume something is wrong with them.

What do i do?
For all we know, the teens "making out" with each other are both half-siblings to the asker, and unrelated to each other, or they could be stepsiblings or adopted siblings. Or, they could be half or full-blood siblings to each other. (It might have even been a reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction situation if the siblings have not been raised together.) Whatever their genetic, legal, and social relation, it isn't uncommon for siblings as close in age as they are, especially in their teens, to have such affection between them.

Also, we don't know where they live, and thus whether or not they live somewhere where it is legal for a 17-year-old and 16-year-old to have sex with each other.

Most therapists consider such sibling behavior, absent any coercion, force, or intimidation, to be mutual experimentation or exploration.

In general, however, my advice to someone in the asker's position is to:

1. Confirm this is a voluntary activity. If observing wasn't enough, ask the younger/smaller/less assertive/more needy sibling if they are being pressured, intimidated, coerced, or forced in any way.

2. Respect their privacy. Start by reminding them it's a good idea to be discreet and promise you will knock.

3. Protect and support them.

4. If needed, assist them in accessing contraception and health care.

(See this extensive advice at The Final Manifesto for friends and family of consanguinamorous siblings.)
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Wednesday, May 30, 2018

When "Incest" is Consanguinamory - a Consensual, Positive Experience

[This is a popular entry from a few years ago, being bumped up because it is still relevant.]

There are people who would have everyone believe that there are no happy consanguinamorous relationships. That romance or eroticism with a close biological relative can only be a bad experience. Over at PFI [a site that doesn't exist anymore... go to Kindred Spirits for an existing place to talk], one discussion participant asked a question and answered it first…

If you could go back in time to where it all started and have the knowledge you do now about what lay ahead of you in this thing called incest, would you still go through with it ??

i've thought about it many times, and the answer i come up is yes i would, sure there are many tears and hard times you go through, but for me the good has always outweighed the bad, life is what you make of it, and we've made a very good life for ourselves....

The first response…

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Monday, May 28, 2018

Myth: GSA Feelings Will Go Away

Reality: They might. That also means they might not.

Some people experiencing Genetic Sexual Attraction report that their feelings have lasted years while they avoided any sexual contact. Others report their feelings changing after sharing a sexual relationship. Still others report the feelings endure with intensity in an ongoing consanguinamorous relationship. There are other possibilities as well.

It is common for feelings to evolve in any relationship. Polyamorists often talk about New Relationship Energy and Old Relationship Energy. Most people know that relationships can often start with infatuation that may not last, and may or may not be replaced with other feelings.

It appears to be very rare for GSA to evaporate away by simply ignoring it. Family and friends who tell someone experiencing GSA to just forget about it or ignore it may mean well, but they're not aware of just how overwhelming it can be. Even people who recognize the person to which they’re attracted is bad news, even abusive, may still feel drawn intensely to them. This is yet another reason why GSA needs to be decriminalized, brought out of the shadows, and dealt with seriously and respectfully.


See Myth: Sex Will Always Ruin These Relationships

See Myth: If Only They'd Known Ahead of Time, GSA Wouldn't Have Happened
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Sunday, May 27, 2018

The Invisible Asterisk

Sometimes, when someone writes (or says) that they support the freedom to marry or, marriage equality, or #Marriage4All, #LoveMustWin,  or “love is love” or something like “The sex lives of consenting adults is nobody else’s business.,” there is an invisible asterisk. You know, one of these: *

What might really be going on is this…

“Consenting adults should be free to marry each other.”*








*Unless you mean something I don’t like or think is disgusting, like polygamy, open marriage, or consensual adult incest.



I don’t do that. There is no asterisk in this statement…

I support the rights of an adult to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

There is no asterisk after “adult.” An “adult” includes any person, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion.

“Any and all” means “any and all”. If an adult woman can vote, be Secretary of State (or Prime Minister, which we don't have in the US), serve as a Governor, be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, sign contracts, enlist in the military, operate heavy machinery, be sentenced to life in prison or the death penalty (which we do have in many places in the US), and can consent to group sex with three cage fighters she just met, it seems to me an adult woman should also be free to have sex with and/or marry any consenting adult(s), even if that means another woman, or two women, or two men, or a woman and a man, or a married man (not hidden from his existing spouse), or her sister, whether an adopted sister, stepsister, half sister, or full blood sister. All of this goes for men, too, of course.

This basic right means all adults having the same right to not marry at all, and to divorce, and to be free of domestic violence. The basic freedom of association should mean that adults can share the entirety of love, sex, residence, and marriaqe, or any of those without the others, and any civil union or domestic partnership that is offered. That’s a funny thing called… equality. There is no good reason to deny equality. Now is the time to get it done.
So, do you support full marriage equality, or marriage “equality”*?
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Saturday, May 26, 2018

Memorial Day Weekend

It is Memorial Day Weekend in the USA. Monday is a day that fallen military personnel are honored and remembered.

Some of our fallen were LGBT, some were poly. Some were consanguinamorous. Until somewhat recently, none of them could be open about who they were or who they loved without dire consequences; only some of our LGBT military personnel have been able to come out thanks to the end of DADT and the implementation of some protections. Yet along with the rest of their military brothers and sisters, they fought for freedom.

So please let freedom ring.

Someone should be able to serve no matter their sexual orientation or their relationships with consenting adults. And they should be able to have their marriages legalized, and certainly not punished for their relationship.
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Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Myth: Sex Will Always Ruin GSA Relationships Because a Person Needs a Nonsexual Relationship With Their Genetic Relative

Reality: Sometimes including sex in the relationship is the best option for the relationship.

By definition, people experiencing reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction didn’t have ongoing familial relationships with the person(s) to whom they are attracted. They may want to develop one, and they may already be happy with their existing familial relationships.

Many people report that consaguinamory made them much closer, even if they have ceased that part of their relationship.

As far as someone needing a nonsexual relationship with a relative… in many situations involving GSA, the person does have a nonsexual relationship with some genetic relatives. On the other hand, there are people who never have any relationship whatsoever with their close genetic relatives who do quite well in life.

What people need in their lives is not to be subjected to abusive relationships, regardless of whether there is a close genetic relation. What people need is not to be criminalized or bullied or discriminated against for whatever consensual relationship they have.

See Myth: There is Only One Good Outcome to GSA

See Myth: GSA Feelings Will Go Away
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Monday, May 21, 2018

Has a DNA Test Revealed New Relatives To You?

Has something that seems strange been happening to you or a long lost close relative since discovering you shared genes put you together or reunited you?

When You Can See More of the Family Tree

There are multiple services offering DNA testing and/or genealogical mapping. Some include 23andMe, Ancestry.com, Family Tree DNA, GeneTree, Genographic Project, MyHeritage, and Navigenics. The interest people have in genetics, ancestry, and genealogy has prompted them to seek out genetic or genomic information about themselves and their family. "What's in my genes?" some people wonder. Personal genomics or consumer genetics services are popular businesses.

One result of this has been that people are finding out they have close genetic relatives they never knew about, or they are being reunited with close relatives with whom they'd lost contact.

Why Branches of the Tree Were Hidden

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Saturday, May 19, 2018

Revisiting the Legal Nitty-Gritty of Polygamy

This entry is getting a bump-up because it is as relevant as ever.

A very kind reader sent along a description of the legal theory by which the polygamous freedom to marry can be accomplished, and I will offer my thoughts as well. It's a long essay, Ultimately, the thing to take away is that our laws can accommodate people in any form of polyamory who want legal recognition of a marriage (polyagamy). Since as far as the government involvement is concerned, marriage is mostly about financial and "who has responsibility for whom" issues, contract and business law has already demonstrated that three or more people can have legally recognized relationships. I had previous written about this here.
There is an ongoing discussion among polyamory activists regarding a legal model of polyamorous marriage (i.e., the extension of the legal concept of marriage to include polyamorous families). One debate centers around the relative merits of an all-with-all approach to marriage (whereby three or more persons are all joined together at the same time within a single marriage) and dyadic networks (whereby existing laws against bigamy are revised such that people are perfectly free to be concurrently married to multiple other persons, provided that each such new marriage is preceded by a legal notification regarding the pending new marriage to all those to whom one is already married; failure to provide that legal notification would then constitute the updated crime of bigamy).

I think both should be offered. The basic paperwork can actually be rather simple.
Dyadic networks would result in what might be thought of as a "molecular" family structure — one which might be best represented by the molecular diagrams commonly used in chemistry. In this way, marriage would remain a dyadic relationship (i.e., a relationship between two persons), thus minimizing any changes to the existing system of legal marriage, but the introduction of concurrency would provide access to legal marriage for polyamorous families.
Dyadic networks can correctly represent any situation associated with the "all-with-all" paradigm, as well as many situations that the "all-with-all" paradigm cannot deal with. A "complete" dyadic network would take the form of a complete graph, in which every person is (pairwise) married to every other person, thus correctly representing any situation associated with the "all-with-all" paradigm.
What this is saying that if A, B, and C all want to marry as a triad, with a dyadic model that can be accomplished through A & B marrying, A & C marrying, and B & C marrying. However, the all-with-all model automatically does this with one ceremony and one piece of paper. All-with-all wouldn't be what every polycule would want, as detailed below. It would only be a desirable option for polycules in which every individual wants to be married to all of the others. It would only work for the triangle or the square below.



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Friday, May 18, 2018

Myth: There is Only One Good Outcome to GSA

Reality: What is a good or the best outcome to a situation involving Genetic Sexual Attraction depends on the circumstances and the people involved.

Situations involving Genetic Sexual Attraction are varied. There have been people who’ve fallen in love, married, and had children before they’ve discovered their close genetic relation. There are situations where one person is experiencing GSA but nobody else is. There are situations in which one person involved is an abusive person. Sometimes people experiencing GSA had been happily committed to someone else in a closed relationship. Sometimes GSA involves people who are in dead marriages to others, raising children. Sometimes there is an adult in their thirties or forties and a teenager who is too young to legally consent and not independent.

Some people want to apply their religious rules or their personal prejudice against consanguinamory to say that that sexual affection is never good in a GSA situation.

This blog fully supports the rights of consenting adults to share in sexual affection, but we recognize that not every specific relationship is a healthy one.

For some, spending a lot of time together in-person is helpful. For others, keeping interaction limited is better.

For some, building a life going forward that involves socializing in the genetic roles (parent-adult child, siblings, etc.) works best. For others, it might be more of a friendship. For still others, it might be as lovers.

For a small number of people, the best outcome is keeping a distance or cutting off contact entirely.

For some people, it is best that their relationship not involve sex. For others, a relationship that includes sex for a limited amount of time is best. For still others, relationship that includes sex in perpetuity, such as a spousal relationship, is the best outcome. People should be able to seek the best outcome without the undue influence of bigotry.

There is no single, one-size-fits-all way to deal with GSA. In some relationships, getting sexual is the best the course of action. In others, it wouldn’t be a positive thing. This is one reason why it is critical that people experiencing GSA be allowed to get the assistance they need without criminalization or other forms of discrimination.

See Myth: GSA Causes Birth Defects or the Children Will Be Deformed

See Myth: Sex Will Always Ruin These Relationships Because a Person Needs a Nonsexual Relationship With Their Genetic Relative




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Thursday, May 17, 2018

International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia

Today, May 17, is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia.

Regardless of someone's sex or gender identity, regardless of their sexual orientation, an adult should be free to be themselves, to be in public, to work, to be "single," or to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, harassment, discrimination, or any other negative effects of homophobia, transphobia, biphobia, etc.

Let's stand up to hate, bigotry, prejudice, discrimination, bullying, and unjust laws. Let's protect people from being abused by those who would perpetuate hate.
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Monday, May 14, 2018

Journalist Looking for Ethically Non-Monogamous People

I was contacted by this journalist. I can't offer any assurances of how you'd be treated or portrayed. (Yes, this is same person who also asked for people who've experienced GSA.)

Read what she has to say for herself...

-Keith


*****

Hi everyone,

I'm sorry to post out of the blue like this, I hope you all don't mind. My name is Candice and I write for the national magazines and newspapers, such as Take A Break, Chat, Daily Mirror, That's Life and New to name a few here in the UK. I wondered if would be interested in speaking to me and sharing your story about being in a polygamous relationship or a polyamorous relationship.

We love doing these types of stories and showing society that we should celebrate love, no matter what!

I'd like to reassure you that I'd never publish your story without your permission and you would receive a full read back to ensure you were completely happy with how it sounded. I understand that talking to the media is probably the last thing on your mind regarding such a sensitive matter.

I really do not want to pressure you in to anything, and furthermore the last thing I wish is to offend you by writing. If you did feel that you could go ahead with an article at some point, I can assure you that everything would be handled with the utmost care and sensitivity. There would be no obligation for you to go ahead with an article if you had reservations after speaking with me.

If you were interested in speaking out, I think it's crucial that you work with someone you can trust. I would be happy to answer any question and address any concern. I appreciate that you may have some concerns about appearing in a feature, but I would like to assure you that it is our policy to always read back articles to the people we interview.

I would also never place your story in any publication without your full consent.

The national magazines do pay generously on publication which can either go to you or to a charity of your choice.

Your story would only be on the shelves for a week as well.

I think polygamy & polyamory is a very misunderstood taboo in society today and am really looking to break down those barriers and hopefully get people to understand more about it.

The aim of the article is to raise awareness and educate people on how you cannot confine love to just one person.

I am also happy to show you previous work I have done.

If you do think you would like to get back in touch with me then please contact me in confidence on 0121 551 1004 or 007706254066 or send an email to candice@hotspotmedia.co.uk Best wishes,

Candice
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Saturday, May 12, 2018

Mother's Day


Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there, especially mothers who face discrimination, persecution, and even prosecution for loving one or more other adults, and the mothers who've stood by their children who've faced bigotry for being who they are and loving who they do.

We're making progress. Hang in there and continue to care for your loved ones.

If you have plans for an interesting Mother's Day or end up having an interesting Mother's Day and you think our readers will want to hear about it, do tell! Sons and daughters.... any special plans?

I include those who've "adopted" mother figures, especially if you've done so because your own mother is no longer with us or was not a supportive person. Almost all of us have a mother in our life, even if that mother isn't officially family.
— — —

Friday, May 11, 2018

Journalist Looking for People Who've Experienced GSA

I was contacted by this journalist. I can't offer any assurances of how you'd be treated or portrayed.

Read what she has to say for herself...
-Keith


*****




Hi everyone,

I'm sorry to post out of the blue like this, I hope you all don't mind.

My name is Candice and I write for the national magazines and newspapers, such as Take A Break, Chat, Daily Mirror, That's Life and New to name a few here in the UK.

I wondered if would be interested in speaking to me and sharing your story about genetic sexual attraction, whether it is something you have experienced or if you are in a relationship right now?

We love doing these types of stories and showing society that we should celebrate love, no matter what!

I'd like to reassure you that I'd never publish your story without your permission and you would receive a full read back to ensure you were completely happy with how it sounded.

I understand that talking to the media is probably the last thing on your mind regarding such a sensitive matter.

I really do not want to pressure you in to anything, and furthermore the last thing I wish is to offend you by writing. If you did feel that you could go ahead with an article at some point, I can assure you that everything would be handled with the utmost care and sensitivity. There would be no obligation for you to go ahead with an article if you had reservations after speaking with me.

If you were interested in speaking out, I think it's crucial that you work with someone you can trust. I would be happy to answer any question and address any concern.

I appreciate that you may have some concerns about appearing in a feature, but I would like to assure you that it is our policy to always read back articles to the people we interview. I would also never place your story in any publication without your full consent.

The national magazines do pay generously on publication which can either go to you or to a charity of your choice.

Your story would only be on the shelves for a week as well.

I think GSA is a very misunderstood taboo in society today and am really looking to break down those barriers and hopefully get people to understand more about it.

The aim of the article is to raise awareness and even perhaps inspire other GSA people to not be ashamed and that they are not alone.

I am also happy to show you previous work I have done on GSA.

If you do think you would like to get back in touch with me then please contact me in confidence on 0121 551 1004 or 007706254066 or send an email to candice@hotspotmedia.co.uk

Best wishes,

Candice


— — —

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Some States are Better Than Others For Consanguinamorists

The United States claims to be the land of the free, where everyone has equal rights, but these ideals still haven't been achieved, even just considering relationships and marriage for consenting adults. Some states are better than others when we consider laws and overall social attitudes.

Laws vary from state to state when it comes to consanguinamory.

While no state will knowingly marry blood (genetic) siblings, whether half or full, nor a parent or grandparent and a grown child or grandchild, Ohio has no criminal laws against adult siblings being together sexually, and things are even better (legally, anyway) in New Jersey and Rhode Island, where there are no laws at all (other than the denial of marriage) against consanguineous lovers, including adults being with their parents. Contrast this with states like Texas, where first cousins are treated like criminals for having sex, even though first cousins can legally marry in about half of the states.

States that had "anti-sodomy" laws, meant to criminalize people in same-sex relationships, and had those laws struck down by the Supreme Court, may not technically criminalize same-sex consanguinamory because their anti-consanguinamory laws may have addressed heterosexuality specifically due to the general criminalization of gays, bisexuals, etc.

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Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Myth: GSA Causes Birth Defects or the Children Will Be Deformed


Reality: If sex between people brought together through Genetic Sexual Attraction results in a birth, GSA does not cause birth defects in and of itself.

Most children born to close relatives are healthy. You know some, whether you know it or not and whether they know their own true parentage or not.

Birth defects can be the result of injury during pregnancy, substances ingested during pregnancy, environmental factors, or genetic problems. It is the last one that people tend to be thinking of, usually, when they repeat this myth. That’s because when both genetic parents carry the same genetic problem, it may be demonstrated in the children. However, this can happen with parents who aren’t closely related, too. A genetic problem may also result in a child if only one parent carries the genetic problem.

Many people who are brought together through GSA don't have children together, due to personal choices, or age, or surgery, or their genders, or some other condition, or even fear of the children being used as evidence in prosecution. See here for more extensive information about this topic.

See Myth: People Who Act on GSA Won’t Be Able to Have Normal Lives

See Myth: There is Only One Good Outcome to GSA
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Sunday, May 6, 2018

Women Can Have Multiple Spouses, Too

Or, There’s More to Polygamy Than Polygyny

Women can enjoy multiple spouses, multiple husbands, multiple wives, multiple partners, multiple girlfriends, multiple boyfriends, and dating multiple people. A woman can love more than one person, have multiple ongoing romantic relationships, and have multiple ongoing sexual relationships.

Regular readers of this blog may find such statements to be obvious, but way too often, when I read or hear news or commentary about “polygamy,” what is meant is “polygyny” (one husband, multiple wives). Polyandry, meaning one wife with multiple husbands, has existed in tradition and still exists in modern relationships, and it is polygamy, too, as are spousal relationships between multiple women and multiple men, or three or more men, or three or more women.

This blog supports relationship rights for adults regardless of gender. A woman should be just as free as a man to marry more than one person, regardless of their genders or how closely related, and just as free as a man to not marry at all. or to leave a marriage.

Polyamory and Polygamy
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Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Myth: People Who Act on GSA Won’t Be Able to Have Normal Lives


Reality: The only hindrance to having a “normal life” for those who continue together in a Genetic Sexual Attraction relationship is the bigotry of others.

Some who’ve been brought together through GSA lead perfectly "normal," even unusually good lives. This is more likely to be possible with the support of friends and family and will be even more likely with decriminalization of GSA and the arrival of full marriage equality.

Until then, many people in consanguinamorous relationships are somewhat closeted. There may be people you know who seem like the cutest couple, and may be great neighbors, who are actually people who were brought together by GSA.

Please help make it possible for more people who've been brought together through GSA lead "normal" lives.

See Myth: Only Defective People Experience GSA

See Myth: GSA Causes Birth Defects or the Children Will Be Deformed
— — —

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Living in a Marriage That's Denied Equality

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The man and woman interviewed below should be free to legally marry, yet they can't, and they could be imprisoned and have their lives ruined if they were outed to the wrong people. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone and have been raising a child together; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, including all but a a few US states, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this couple has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they enjoy what we call double love?


WARNINGS: Mildly explicit sexuality.


*****



FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourselves.
Brother: I am currently in IT with the federal government. We live in the suburbs outside a major metro area. I am 30, 6'4" and 230. Brown hair and gray eyes that tend to change color with what I am wearing. I have a masters degree, one sibling, and our daughter.

We were born and raised on the west coast, but moved a lot growing up both domestically and internationally. So we got to experience a lot of different cultures.


Sister: I am a paralegal with a local law firm, I am living with my brother and our daughter. I am 29, 5'4", dirty blond hair, soccer mom.


FME: Are you married or have you ever been legally and/or ceremonially married?

Sister: We are not married in the full legal sense, but we did exchange rings and vows to each other. So for us we are husband and wife.

Brother: I am currently hunting on the dark web for ways to get married officially. We want our love to be official, and to know that we are legally required to wake up next to each other. Bonus points if you can name the movie that's from.

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