Sunday, June 30, 2019

If Your Partner is Experiencing Reunion GSA

Please see the disclaimer at the bottom of this page.

What’s Happening?

You might be dealing with or facing a very difficult situation.
  • Has your partner or spouse connected or reconnected with a close genetic relative?
  • Did they have minimal or no face-to-face interaction from the time at least one of them was around the age of seven into puberty, or longer?
  • Is your partner and/or their "long lost" relative experiencing a strong attraction to, or preoccupation with the other? Are they flirting or touching/hugging a lot? Do they want to spend a lot of time together or communicating?
There’s a strong chance that at least one of them is experiencing reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction. GSA is real and is a common, normal response to the circumstances involved. GSA is not an indication that anything is wrong with your partner or the other person. It is not wrong to have these feelings.

Genetic Sexual Attraction happens in up to half of all situations in which pubescent or post-pubescent genetic relatives meet for the first time or reunite after having been separated since at least one of them was a child, provided the genders and sexual orientation line up. It can happen whether this person is your partner’s genetic parent or grandparent, aunt/uncle, sibling or half sibling, nephew/niece, grown child/grandchild, even a first cousin.

It’s an overwhelming attraction unlike any other experience.

A couple of words of caution are needed here:

1) Sometimes people are just excited to connect or reconnect with “blood” or kin. There may not be any sexual attraction at all.

2) If your partner/your family is being stalked/harassed by this person rather than it being a relationship welcomed by your partner, that’s not what this entry is about. Encourage your partner to block contact and seek a restraining order.

Why Is This Happening?
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Saturday, June 29, 2019

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #11

“It will be a legal/paperwork nightmare as our system is set up for couples.” That’s what the bigots said about same-gender marriage and the Americans With Disabilities Act and just about any civil rights laws. Of course it is easier for those who already have what they want to keep things as they are. But what about all of the people who are denied their rights?

Adopting the polygamous freedom to marry under full marriage equality will take much less adjustment than adopting the Americans With Disabilities Act, the Violence Against Women Act and many other laws necessary to for equal protection and civil rights. Contract and business law already provides adaptable examples of how law can accommodate configurations involving three or more people, including when someone joins an existing relationship or leaves a relationship.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #10 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #12
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Friday, June 28, 2019

The Invisible Asterisk

Sometimes, when someone writes (or says) that they support the freedom to marry or, marriage equality, or #Marriage4All, #LoveMustWin,  or “love is love” or something like “The sex lives of consenting adults is nobody else’s business.,” there is an invisible asterisk. You know, one of these: *

What might really be going on is this…

“Consenting adults should be free to marry each other.”*

*Unless you mean something I don’t like or think is disgusting, like polygamy, open marriage, or consensual adult incest.

I don’t do that. There is no asterisk in this statement…

I support the rights of an adult to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

There is no asterisk after “adult.” An “adult” includes any person, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion.

“Any and all” means “any and all”. If an adult woman can vote, be Secretary of State (or Prime Minister, which we don't have in the US), serve as a Governor, be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, sign contracts, enlist in the military, operate heavy machinery, be sentenced to life in prison or the death penalty (which we do have in many places in the US), and can consent to group sex with three cage fighters she just met, it seems to me an adult woman should also be free to have sex with and/or marry any consenting adult(s), even if that means another woman, or two women, or two men, or a woman and a man, or a married man (not hidden from his existing spouse), or her sister, whether an adopted sister, stepsister, half sister, or full blood sister. All of this goes for men, too, of course.

This basic right means all adults having the same right to not marry at all, and to divorce, and to be free of domestic violence. The basic freedom of association should mean that adults can share the entirety of love, sex, residence, and marriaqe, or any of those without the others, and any civil union or domestic partnership that is offered. That’s a funny thing called… equality. There is no good reason to deny equality. Now is the time to get it done.
So, do you support full marriage equality, or marriage “equality”*?
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How Nonmonogamous People Can Avoid Trouble

Believe it or not, there are still criminal laws in many places criminalizing consensual sex and relationships between adults.

It doesn't matter to them how loving, happy, and lasting the relationships are. It apparently doesn't matter to the people interfering that every dollar or minute they spend trying to stop consenting adults from loving each other is a dollar or minute that could instead go into protecting people, especially children, against predators.

In addition to the persecution and prosecution of consanguinamorous people, polyamorists, polygamists, and other ethical nonmonogamists can face discrimination and even prosecution.
Some awesome people put together a very helpful lists of state laws for polyamorous people in the US or considering moving to the US. First, note the disclaimer that there is an ever-present at the bottom of this blog. I'll mostly repeat it here:
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Tuesday, June 25, 2019

An Open Letter to Officers of the Court in the US

If you are in the US and you are a judge at any level, or an attorney-at-law (whether a prosecutor, criminal defense attorney, civil law attorney), or even facing jury duty, this message is for you.

You are needed to help bring about justice.

There may be laws on the books in your jurisdiction that need to be overturned or removed. It is ridiculous that there is still discrimination not only permitted by law, but enshrined in law, against consenting adults simply because they love each other. The basic freedom of association that allows consenting adults to love each other how they mutually agree has been restricted by various unjust and unconstitutional laws throughout history. Although some of these restrictions have been removed by the Supreme Court of the United States, even those may still remain in your state codes or statutes due to legislative inertia or as mean-spirit statements or even in the hopes of a reversal by a subsequent Court ruling. It is clear that momentum is on the side of civil rights and has been for a long time. We must move forward in securing the rights of all adults.

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Monday, June 24, 2019

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #10

“Polyamory/polygamy spreads sexually transmitted infections.” Unprotected sex with someone who is infected is how such infections may be transmitted. Twenty people could have group sex and a group marriage for fifty years and if none of them brings an infection into the marriage and they only have sex with each other, none of them will get a sexually transmitted infection.

We do not deny people their freedom to marry based on which diseases they have. In most places, people can legally have sex with multiple partners anyway. Polyfidelity can be encouraged if polygamy is legalized and polyamory is no longer stigmatized, which would actually reduce disease transmission. Polyamorous people tend to be more careful about prevention, safer sex, and actually talking about the issues involved.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #9 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #11
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Saturday, June 22, 2019

How to Be An Ally To Consanguinamorous People You Know

This is about how to be an ally to someone you personally know who is in, or may be in, a consanguinamorous relationship, or any consensual relationship that is called incestuous. If you want to help consanguinamorous people in general, see this page.

The Short Answer:

A) Respect their boundaries. Do not out them or share their secrets, and do not press them for anything they don't want to share. ASSURE THEM YOU WON'T BETRAY THEM.

B) Be willing to listen.

C) Cover for them as necessary.

The Long Answer

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Wednesday, June 19, 2019

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #9

“They’re abusive.” Interracial, (adult) intergenerational, same-gender, polyamorous, and consanguinamorous relationships are not inherently abusive. It is the abusive relationships in general that are more likely to make news, or come to the attention of therapists or law enforcement. There are many people in "forbidden" relationships that are lasting, happy, healthy relationships.

Abusive people are the cause of abuse, not a relationship or marriage. There are many same-age, same-race, heterosexual, monogamous, nonconsanguineous relationships and marriages in which someone is abused. We have several examples showing that outlawing consensual behavior correlates to an increase in problems as people try to avoid law enforcement and other authorities. Marriage equality will most certainly reduce abuse, as abuse victims can go to the authorities with much less fear. So the solution isn’t the status quo, it is in bringing the relationships out of the shadows, allowing them to be protected and made official, and prosecuting abusers. Abuse victims will be much more forthcoming.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #8 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #10
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Monday, June 17, 2019

Journalist Looking For Participation and Can Protect Anonymity

This journalist, who has proven trustworthy in the past, is looking, first and foremost, for people who've experienced reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction, especially between a woman and her father. She is also interested in other GSA situations and consanguinamorous relationships that aren't GSA-initiated. She can protect your identity and you can even be anonymous to her, if you insist. 
I'm a reporter/writer based in New York working on a book that includes a chapter about genetic sexual attraction. I'm primarily focusing on a relationship between a father and daughter, exploring the history of the term GSA, and the role of the internet for community and support. I'm trying to talk to as many people who have experienced GSA as possible and I'd like to hear your stories. If you do talk to me I can protect you privacy 100% (I rely on anonymous sources for a lot of my work so it's very important to me and something I take very seriously.) If you are interested you can email me at and we can take it from there.) And please ask me as many questions as you like to help you make up your mind.
Visibility matters. When journalists document and publish accounts in a way that isn't negative, it helps a lot. So please consider participating if you have experiences you can describe to her.
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Sunday, June 16, 2019

Living Consanguinamorously - Keeping the Closet Door Closed

Someone came to this blog recently searching...
How my aunt and I can hide our incestuous relationship
The answer below will apply to consanguinamorous relationships of any composition, not just aunts and nephews or aunts and nieces.

Unfortunately, people have been compelled to stay closeted due to prejudice and bigotry, sometimes enshrined in law. Whether someone has had to hide or downplay their gender identity, their sexual orientation or their "forbidden" relationship, the oppression is harmful in many ways, but some people just can't come out of the closet, at least not at a specific time in their life. In some places, it is literally a matter of life and death. Even for places where consanguinamory isn't criminalized, many people in these relationships have good reasons to hide them from at least some of the people around them. As a result, many people don't realize they know people who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

In a perfect world, people would be able to simply love other adults without such problems, but we're not there yet. Civil rights, including things like full marriage equality, are generally advancing, at least on most of the planet, but there is still a ways to go.

Much of the answer raised by the question in the search was answered in an earlier entry about how consanguineous lovers can live together, so check that out.

There's also this entry on how consanguineous lovers can avoid trouble.

I'll try to avoid repeating too much of what is in those entries.
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Friday, June 14, 2019

Happy Father's Day

Sunday is Father's Day.

For all men raising or helping to raise a child, whether you are a biological father, presumed father, grandfather, stepfather, bonus father, adoptive father, foster father or any variation… Happy Father’s Day!

A special thanks to fathers who have supported and loved their children who are LGBTQ, polyamorous, consanguinamorous, or have otherwise faced persecution or oppression because of who they are or the person(s) they love.

Finally, a note of encouragement to all fathers who can’t legally marry the person(s) they love, but would if they could, or who face bullying due to love or who they are: We will win so that every adult can pursue love, sex, and marriage with any consenting adults.

Oh, and if you have an especially interesting Father's Day, or are planning something special, tell us about it by commenting below.
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Thursday, June 13, 2019

Another Inquiry About Mothers and Sons Having Children

Got another question on Tumblr the other day about mothers and son, particularly about when they have a baby. Here it is, along with my answer.
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Ecuador Advances!

Good news! Ecuador is making progress.

Let's keep moving forward so that in every country, an adult will be free to marry any and all consenting adults!
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Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Happy Loving Day

June 12 is Loving Day! We celebrate the Loving family, and the victory of Loving v. Virginia, which helped advance civil rights in general and the freedom to marry.

Let's keep moving forward to full marriage equality so that an adult is free to marry any and all consenting adults!
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Tuesday, June 11, 2019

If You Get Called to Jury Duty

What should you do if you are called to jury duty and are faced with being placed on a criminal case against someone you think is being prosecuted under an unjust law, such as a law against adult unmarried cohabitation, or against polyfidelity (as Utah has on the books), or against consanguinamory? NOTE: THIS IS A PHILOSOPHICAL ESSAY, NOT LEGAL ADVICE.

The Basics of Criminal Case Juries in the US

Here in the US, people being accused of criminal activity have a right to a trial by jury or they can go with having a judge decide their case. If they go with a jury trial, the judge pretty much acts like a referee until the jury reaches a decision. The decision will be in the hands of the jury, not the judge. The judge should give you no indication of whether they think the defendant is guilty or not.

For a criminal conviction, the jury of twelve people has to unanimously decide the person on trial is "guilty" and it is supposed to be because the prosecution proved their case for guilt "beyond a reasonable doubt." If just one person (or, up to eleven people) on the jury says "not guilty" and won't budge, the case ends in a mistrial and the prosecutor can try again with another jury. If all twelve say "not guilty" then the accused is cleared of that crime and can't be retried for the same crime for the same incident. People can appeal after they've been convicted of a crime, but their appeal usually won't get them cleared.
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Sunday, June 9, 2019

The Intersection of Polyamory and Consanguinamory

Relationships don't have to be A) monogamous and B) with someone who isn't closely related.

Once one of those is realized, it is easier to realize the other.

Yes, some people do better and genuinely prefer monogamy with someone who isn't a close relative. And good for them.

But human sexuality and relationships are diverse.

Once you set aside the arbitrary constraints on sexuality and relationships, you might discover things about yourself would never have considered otherwise. Once you realize that one constraints is arbitrary, pointless, or doesn't suit you, you're more likely to question other constraints.

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Thursday, June 6, 2019

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #8

“Polyamorous and consanguineous marriages are not the same thing as same-gender marriage.” So what? We’re talking about consenting adults who want to be together, and there’s no good reason to stop them. Some same-gender relationships and marriages are polygamous and/or consanguineous. A man should not only be able to marry another man, but two or more other men or his brother.

Strictly speaking, whether a marriage is same-gender or heterosexual is a different category than whether it is monogamous or polygamous; or exogamous or interracial, endogamous, or consanguineous. Some heterosexual marriages are monogamous, some are polygamous. Some same-gender marriages are monogamous, some are polygamous. Bisexuals may be in monogamous marriages or polygamous marriages. Some monogamous marriages are consanguineous, some aren’t. That monogamous/polygamous and exogamous/endogamous/consanguineous are different categories from heterosexual/same-gender is not a justification to deny the freedom to marry to consenting adults, or deny them marriage equality. Relationship rights belong to all adults.

It should be noted that when there is a polyamorous relationship, whether a "V" or a triad or more, at least two of the people involved are the same gender, even if they are no more than metamours to each other.

Something does not have to be immutable or inborn, like sexual orientation, to be legal. However, there are people (especially with Genetic Sexual Attraction) who are in consanguineous relationships who would swear to you that they couldn’t love anyone as much as they love their partner(s). They were born into their situations. There are people who are obviously unable to be monogamous, to the point of being willing to suffer loss of job, loss of reputation, loss of wealth, and figurative and literal loss of life, and they should not promise monogamy nor be pressured to pretend to be monogamous.

Some people simply are polyamorous.

That these other categories are not the same thing as same-gender marriage does not explain why there are still laws against them or a lack of relationship protections in the law.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #7

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #9 
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Wednesday, June 5, 2019

The Two Main Paths to Consanguinamory

There are two main paths to consanguinamory, or the objective reality that at least two closely biologically related people have sex, and perhaps an ongoing romance or marriage-style relationship. While the prejudiced may dismiss all consanguinamory as the same (in their small minds) inexcusable behavior, the differences in these paths do have an impact on the participants and those around them. This is why people who are on one path may not understand those on the other, or want to be associated with them.

One main path to consanguinamory is reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA). This is a term that has been used to describe an extremely intense attraction that may occur when close biological relatives get into each other's life any time after puberty either for the very first time, or the first time since the youngest went through puberty. These situations are likely to increase due to increased human mobility and the high rates of co-parents who do not stay together. Whether a marriage that involved at least one child ends in divorce, or a one night stand results in pregnancy, or anything between, biological parnets who have a child together may go their separate ways, often going on to have more children with others. These situations are also likely to increase due to increase in the use of donated eggs, sperm, and embryos to have a child. In addition to the various forms of adoptions, some governments, such as some states in the US, allow someone to bring a newborn to a hospital, police station, fire station, etc, and surrender custody of the child with no penalty.

As you can see, there are many situations in which close relatives, such as full or half siblings, or a parent and child, can be reunited post-puberty.

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Monday, June 3, 2019

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #7

“What’s next?” “Where do we draw the line?” What's wrong with letting consenting adults have the freedom to love each other as they want and agree? Who has a problem with that? Rather than coming up with convoluted schemes for which groups of people will get which rights, why not support the rights of all adults? It’s really quite simple:

The right to marry or to personal consortium shall not be abridged or denied by the United States or any state on account of sex, gender, sexual orientation, ancestry, consanguinity, or number of participants.

(Adapt that to your country, province, etc.)

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #6 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #8
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Saturday, June 1, 2019

Nebraska County Moves Ahead With Wasting Public Resources on Oppression

Here's an update to something we last covered in this posting. From

Travis Fieldgrove, who had sex with a woman who was both his wife and his daughter, was sentenced Thursday to two years in prison.
Two years in prison for consensual activity with another adult. Sex with another adult! What a waste of public resources. There is no good reason for this.
Hall County District Judge Mark Young issued the sentence, with credit given for 121 days already served. As a practical matter, Fieldgrove, of St. Paul, Nebraska, will serve 144 more days in jail. 
Young also added 12 months of post-release supervision. During that time, Fieldgrove, 40, is ordered to have no contact with Samantha Kershner, 21.
I don't see how Judge Young can't feel silly about this at best, and more appropriately, ashamed. Perhaps the judge believes the ridiculous laws allow him no choice?

According to a court affidavit, Grand Island police officers spoke to Fieldgrove and Kershner in September after receiving a tip about their relationship and allegations of incest. Both admitted that they were having a romantic and sexual relationship.
Once the police realized it was consensual, they should have stopped wasting public resources on this.

Public resources in Nebraska are being spent to oppress adults for loving each other! This is outrageous. The laws need to be changed to support the rights of all adults to have the relationships to which they mutually agree, including their right to marry.

Fortunately, the vast majority of consanguinamorous relationships are never criminally prosecuted.
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