Polyandry Is an Option

When people hear the word "polygamy," they might automatically think about patriarchal polygyny, which is the subset of polygamy which involves having multiple wives. There are, however, multiple forms of polygamy, including polyandry. Polyandry involves having multiple husbands. In some places, it is traditional, and usually includes brothers.

An article at legit.ng notes, unfortunately while seeming to use "polygamy" when it really means "polygyny," "5 places where women were allowed to have more than one husband"...

1. Nigeria The Irigwe people living on the western edge of Plateau, Jos are a unique people numbering around 17,000. This small group of people are known to be ardent subscribers of polyandry and it comes as no surprise as their distinctive language and social traditions sets them apart from neighbouring tribes. The Irigwe people of Nigeria practiced polyandry for many decades until it was voted to outlaw in 1968. Prior to that women were allowed to have 'co-husbands' and moved freely from one man's house to another, having multiple spouses, and their children’s paternity was assigned to the husband whose house the woman lived in at the time.

The article then goes on to name Kenya, India, China, and Brazil.

Traditional or not, an adult, regardless of gender, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults. As such, anyone who wants to be married to multiple husbands should be truly free to be in such relationships. There is no good reason to deny such basic rights.

A Few Reactions in Kenya to Court Ruling

We recently noted that a judge in Kenya pointed out that Kenya does not have laws criminalizing sex between cousins. To follow up on that news, Ruth Nyambura at allafrica.com collected opinions against the court finding from people who aren't lawyers, judges, or legislators. Seems legit.

First up to say the judge, who made a legally (and ethically) connect ruling, got it wrong is a chaplain...

Daystar University's Chaplain Jeremiah Obura said a lot of what is happening is out of influence from the western culture where they do all sorts of weird things and people copy for the sake of it.

Right. Uhm, western culture didn't invent sex between first cousins. It's been going on for all of human history.

He quoted the Bible the book of Leviticus Chapter 18 verse six which states: "No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations, I am the Lord. There is no debate on this issue. Based on the scriptures it is not right and it rules out."

1. I was unaware that present-day Kenya is ancient Israel, subject to the laws of ancient Israel. If so, well, there's a whole lot of other laws I'm sure Obura is breaking.

2. In those laws for ancient Israel, prohibitions on cousins getting together are NOT THERE. If this guy bothers to read his Bible, he knows that.

3. The Bible, subsequent to this passage, depicts marriages between cousins in a positive light.

4. Kenya shouldn't be a theocracy.

Kenya Feel The Love Tonight

Ignorance abounds when it comes to sex and marriage between first cousins. Your first cousin is your parent's sibling's child. In many places in the world, and for most of human history, marriage between first cousins has been a common thing. There are, however, places where such marriages face discrimination, including criminalization. The US, where this blog is based, is a mixed bag because each state has their own laws. As such, about half of the states (some with restrictions) will marry first cousins, a handful of the others will criminally prosecute first cousins for having sex, and the remainder of the states neither criminalize sex between first cousins nor will marry first cousins.

But this news is not about the US, but rather Kenya. Martin Oduor reports at ghafla.co.ke...

If you didn’t know, it’s okay for cousins to have sexual relationships in Kenya!

Apparently Kenyan law hasn’t criminalized sexual relationships between cousins; high court ruling on an ‘incestuous’ relationship has stunned the nation.

High Court judge James Makau found that the Sexual Offenses Act did not mention cousins among the list of relatives under the offence of incest.

So it's legal. Apparently, some courts were not aware of what the law says and doesn't say, which is a problem.

Reading his ruling in a case where a woman took her nephew to court for having sex with her daughter, Makau stated that sex and marriages between cousins was permissible because there are no provisions for it in the law.

“The National Assembly did not leave out the clause on cousins by intension but by the fact that in some cultures in Kenya, like the Hundus and Muslims, allow sexual acts and marriage between cousins. It is not criminalized,” The Standard quoted the high court judge.

The law should be changed so that the criteria for adults having sex or marrying is consent. If they are adults and they consent, it shouldn't be discriminated against.

The accused in the said ‘incestuous relationship’ appealed the case at the High Court after a lower court found him guilty of incest and sentenced him to 10 years in prison.

The High court found him not guilty of incest and suspended the jail term he had been handed by the lower court.

Ten years in prison! How outrageous! It's a good thing that was overturned.

UPDATE: Reaction from a few Kenyans.

Polyandry and Prejudice in Kenya

I'm not sure why this has become such big news. Two men love the same woman. They want a polyandrous marriage. What's the big deal? From npr.org...

Polygamy is fairly common in Kenya but one forthcoming marriage is turning that custom on its head. A Kenyan woman not wanting to choose between the two men she loves, decided she will marry both of them. The men have agreed, and the trio even signed a contract to "set boundaries and keep the peace."

This happens every day all over the world.

From bbc.co.uk...

The agreement sets out a rota for Sylvester Mwendwa and Elijah Kimani to stay in her house and states they will both help raise any children she bears.

Mr Mwendwa told the BBC he loved the woman and said the contract would "set boundaries" and "keep the peace".

Lawyers said the "marriage" would only be recognised if they could prove polyandry - a woman having more than one husband - was part of their custom.

How about simply recognizing that adults should be free to marry each other?

An Example of How Anti-Equality Hurts Bystanders

An advice column in Kenya, written by Phlip Kitoto, printed several letters, leading off with this one...

Hi Philip,

My wife is secretive and reserved. We got married three years ago. We have no children but she has had three miscarriages. When we were in college, my wife’s older brother used to send her love messages almost every night and this caused a lot of conflict between us.

She said her brother only wanted to ruin our relationship. The trend continued until I reported the issue to their mother, other brothers, and sister, after which he changed to late night calls.

What is surprising is that four years ago, my wife had a child with the brother who used to send her romantic messages. She only told me about the child in March of this year, but claimed that the boy’s father had died shortly after he was born

What should I do because her niece, who lives with us, has confirmed to me that the boy was fathered by my wife’s brother? The child is currently living with us and I am very stressed.

Maybe it's a cultural thing, but tf the letter-writer had a problem with how his wife-to-be was handling the situation with her brother, the letter-writer should have broken it off with her, rather than complaining to everyone else in the family. That being said, it appears the woman involved married the letter-writer under false pretenses. Since others knew, the truth as bound to come out. Either the relationship between brother and sister was over, or it continues.

If it was over, she should have explained that and said that her brother was having a difficult time moving on. The letter-writer could either accept her past or move on. If he couldn't accept her past, it would be better if he did move on so that she could find someone who could accept her.

If it continues, as implied by the ongoing secrecy, the ideal thing would be to explain that it was still going on, and the letter-writer could have either accepted that he was going to be legally married to a woman whose heart would first belong to someone else, or moved on.

The problem is, the circumstances are not ideal. People face discrimination, bullying, even prosecution for being in consanguinamorous relationships. As a result, most people keep those relationships a secret from everyone or all but a handful of people, and sometimes other people are unknowingly used as "beards," as could be happening to this letter-writer. This also still happens with gays and lesbians living in places where they can't be open about their sexual orientation. If we simply supported the rights of an adult, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults, everyone would be better off.

So, while she married under false pretenses one way or another, I do not judge her because ridiculous prejudices and bigotries put her in a very difficult position.

Thankfully, the columnist did not tell the letter-writer to rat them out to law enforcement.

Anti-Incest Laws as Political Tools

I have noted before that laws and taboos against consanguinamory (consensual incest) have been used as a political tool for centuries. Accusing a political rival of "incest" plays upon sex-negative attitudes and "othering" someone.

Here's yet another example, this time from Kenya. It is a blind news item...

A well known politician who aspired for a big office has been forced to put his ambitions on hold. Reason? Elders from his village have threatened to go public and expose what they claim are his incestuous relations. The elders, who claim the man had sired a child with his own sister, walked into his house a month ago and told him to let go the seat or risk exposure. The man acquiesced to their demand.

We need to move past this kind of thing, and one way we will is by standing up and saying that someone's sexual orientation or the consensual sex they enjoy does not indicate they will be a bad leader. When someone tries to tear down a political candidate or tried get someone fired from their job by talking about who she or he loves, tell the bigot we are not selecting our own sexual partner, we are selecting someone to do a job, and that a person's love life, as long as they aren't being a hypocrite and trying to restrict the love lives of others, is nobody's concern.

Family Flees Due to Incest Allegations

According to allegations, the Molo man has been living in a spousal relationship with his daughter.

Joseph Chirchir is alleged to have run away on Thursday night with the daughter-turned-wife and their three children.

The man is claiming he was framed, but he shouldn't need to defend himself. It seems people really get enjoyment from harassing others or breaking up their families. The law should not support that.

Polygyny in Kenya

Here’s an article on “Happy Co-wives” from Kenya.

The practice of polygamy is today recognised under customary law. Lawyer Julius Ondika says the new Constitution allows for registration of polygamous marriages, but the man has to first seek the consent of the first wife before entering into the second marriage.

Full marriage equality is only possible if consent is a requirement. This is not about cheating or having a mistress, or duping an existing spouse.