Texas GSA Couple Back in the News

For some reason, another news outlet re-ran an article on Clara Collins and her biological son Trent Holmes. I previously blogged about this article here.

But since the article was printed again and people are looking for information on Collins and Holmes, I'll say it again: an adult should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults. There's no reason why these two shouldn't be free to legally marry.

There's much to blog, and I hope to crank out several blog entries over the next few days.

Has the Water in Zimbabwe Been Tested?

In Muzarabani, Zimbabwe, a widow is “suspected” of still being a hot momma at age 87 and enjoying the sexual company of her 35-year-old son.

Louisa Chitakure, an octogenarian who lives in Sabhuku Gunduza's village under Chief Kasekete, has stunned the villagers and people of Muzarabani as she is said to be bedding her son Francis Arumendo who is 35 years old, H-Metro reported.

Good for her, especially at that age.

Their relationship has stunned the community and they are calling it taboo and causing the current dry spell to persist because of the rain-‘impeding' taboo relationship.

Seriously?

H-Metro caught up with Francis at Muzarabani Growth Point where he admitted that it was indeed true that he is bedding his mother and two other elderly women.

Francis said, "I enjoy having sex with my mother. The sex is great, and she is the only woman I've enjoyed having sex with."

Hmm. Not sure how the other two women are going to take that.

Francis also said, "We have been having sex for as long as I cannot remember." However, Francis' mother vehemently denied that she is having sex with her son saying that people who hate her were the ones going around telling the story.

At this rate, he’s going to be without a woman at all, since it appears he’s saying things that would upset all of them.

She also said that: "Francis says that because he is a bit mentally challenged so you cannot ENTIRELY believe what he says because he is mentally challenged."

If the numbers are right she was 52 when he was born.

These two need some tips about how to deal with the news media. Kissing and telling without permission is a problem, and her statements about him could have been worded better.

If they are enjoying each other that way, it is nobody else’s business.

A Woman Denied Her Freedom to Marry

"Loving Daughter" is a beautiful young adult who generously agreed to be interviewed for this blog. She has found love with an available man and would marry him, but she can't even be open with the totality of her love for him, due to prejudice expressed in unjust laws and bullying. Here is yet another reason we need full marriage equality sooner rather than later.

***

FME: What can you tell me about your background?

Loving Daughter: I was raised in a small town of 3,000 in [a southern US state], by very, very devout southern baptists. I wore a purity ring, was raised to hate gays and black people. When I went off to college a (private christian college) my parents and I started bumping heads because I was starting to think for myself and develop my own views and beliefs. I left home and moved in with my [boyfriend] and then got pregnant, then later married him.


You are now in a relationship with your biological father, correct? This is a loving relationship that includes making love?

Yes and yes. I'm 22, he's 41.


How would you describe the nature of your relationship with your father?

The best description would be my soulmate. He completes me.


When and how did you first make contact, and what was it like meeting him for the first time?

I first met him 3 years ago after he found me on a social networking site. We had no contact at all growing up. My mom got pregnant with me in high school, then left the state.


When did you first notice you had feelings for him? Were they romantic, sexual, curious, an intense attraction, what?

Well, he never felt like a "father" to me. I knew he was my dad but I just didn't feel like he was. He was more of a man to me, like any other man you would meet. I thought he was very handsome. I didn't know what the attraction was at first. I couldn’t place it but I knew something was there


How did you start making love with each other?

One night we had too much tequila. It started with me touching his thigh then he kissed me then we both came alive. We later freaked out… especially me, I couldn't believe I had sex with my father. It took me a couple days to calm down and collect myself. I thought I was a freak, going crazy!! We agreed to try it sober, and when we did it was just as intense we wanted to make sure that the feelings were there without the use of alcohol.

It was so intense, passionate, and electrifying that it's almost unreal. I was married for two years to my ex husband and that was nothing compared to this. It's like something came alive inside of me. I've never wanted a man so badly. I couldn't stop smiling afterwards. I had never been so happy.


How do you feel about the lovemaking side of your relationship?

The lovemaking is absolutely amazing, the passion is so intense and it's definitely an extension of our love.


Do you have feelings for other close biological relative that are anything like the ones you have for your father, whether they are as intense or not?

No, I haven't.


Are you involved with anyone else?

We are monogamous.


Who else knows the full, true nature of your relationship, and how did they find out? How have they reacted?

My best friend; she screamed at first, but then said to do whatever makes me happy.

He has two [preteen children] and I have a son who's 2 from a previous marriage. His ex wife called CPS and they questioned us. We denied everything, and they accused us of having our kids in an unhealthy environment, which made me wonder what's unhealthy about it?? We started being more discreet around the kids about our affection. We try not to be physical at all in front of them, but they are accepting that we rare a couple now. They even asked if I was gonna marry him.


What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your love?

I don't blame them. Until you experience it for yourself you cannot truly understand


Would you get legally married to him if you could, and if that included protection from things such as bullying and workplace discrimination based on your relationship?

In a heartbeat, I will never stop loving him. Finding each other was fate. He is my destiny and my future. I don't know if I've ever been in love before, but this is it. I know now what love is.


Do you have any plans for the future?

We do, we hope to one day have a child and live together as a bonded family


What advice do you have to someone who has romantic or sexual feelings for a close biological relative?

Do your research, you are not a freak and you’re not alone :)


***

There you have it. Another loving couple denied the freedom to marry, or even be open with their love.

There is no reason that she should be denied the right to marry the man she loves. Not everyone is going to be comfortable with the idea of sex and marriage between close biological relatives, but we're not all going to want each other's love lives, and that's okay, as long as we don't deny others their right to choose.

In interviewing (and sometimes observing) the people in these consanguinamorous relationships, and in talking with more people I haven't interviewed, there is a consistent thread to be found in such relationships. That thread is that the relationships are stronger, more intense, and more enjoyable than any others experienced; nothing else compares.

Since there is no rational reason to discriminate against them and deny them full marriage equality, won't you help bring about that equality sooner rather than later, so that and adult is free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults?

Previous interviews:

A sister married to her brother in every way but under the law

A daughter whose father wants to marry her

A son who wants to marry his mother

A father who wants to marry his daughter

Brother whose lifelong lover is his twin sister

A man whose husband is his brother

A mother, daughter, and son who want to marry

If you'd like to share your own story related to a "prohibited" consensual relationship, you can contact me via fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com or on Facebook.

The Cruelty of Discrimination

A Canadian man and his half-sister have been struggling with legal and social prejudice against consanguinamory. They were brought together through Genetic Sexual Attraction, but the external pressure attacking their love has been a heavy burden.

The man wanted me to share what his lover, his biological half-sister, wrote to him...

How can two people marry
Who are not in love
But two people in love
Cannot marry

It is cruelty that anyone would be forced to live a lie just because of love, and that they are denied the freedom to marry.

As he wrote...

I do love her like I have never loved any one else. I am mad at society for judging us and not allowing us to live as we want to. The lies the secrets causes even more pain.

I cannot ask friends or family (what I have left) for help as they do not understand.

My heart longs for her and she says the same back but she cannot let go of what others say. And that is getting between us.

When we are together nothing else matters.

This cruelty needs to be ended. We need full marriage equality sooner rather than later, so that an adult is free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults.

Why To Try or Not Try Polyamory

Coleen gives six reasons to try polyamory, and three reasons NOT to try it.

Among the reasons to try it…

1. You could find an incredibly supportive community.

Yes.

4. You question the wisdom of “traditional” coupledom.

Some people just aren’t monogamous, but can have meaningful relationships. Cheating can be a horrible way to go. Polyamory is the ethical way.

5. You’re bisexual.
This is a controversial one. Some people categorically dismiss bisexuals as incapable of fidelity, or indecisive wafflers who are too afraid to admit what they really want in a partner. Maybe you are truly attracted to both men and women. Maybe your sexuality doesn’t fit into a sterile little label.

Some bisexuals can be monogamous for a long term relationship. But others need polyamory. Just like there are heterosexuals, gays, and lesbians who need polyamory.

Don’t try polyamory if…

1. You think it will fix your infidelity problems.
Surprise! Cheating exists within polyamorous relationships, too.

Yes.

2. Your partner is pressuring you.

There’s a difference between needing encouragement to try something different, and being pressured to go against your needs. This always works in reverse, as well; someone who needs polyamory should not pledge lifelong monogamy under pressure from a partner.

Go read it all.

Continuing Coverage of Canadian Court Ruling on Polyamory

Alan continues to have excellent coverage of the ruling by the B.C. court on polyamory and polygamy.

Poly people continue to face legal discrimination. They can live together all of their lives, but can't get a legal or publicly-recognized marriage. If this isn't inequality, what is?

Not Surprised: Sex is Good For Older People, Too

The acronym “GSA” is usually used around here for Genetic Sexual Attraction or Gay-Straight Alliance. But this time it stands for Gerontological Society of America. Gerontology is the study of aging and the elderly.

The more often older married individuals engage in sexual activity, the more likely they are to be happy with both their lives and marriages, according to new research presented in Boston at The Gerontological Society of America’s (GSA) 64th Annual Scientific Meeting.

Sex is good. Is that a surprise?

The data analysis was conducted by Adrienne Jackson, PT, PhD, MPA, an assistant professor at Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University.

“This study will help open the lines of communication and spark interest in developing ‘outside the box’ approaches to dealing with resolvable issues that limit or prevent older adults from participating in sexual activity,” said Jackson.

This is where the 13-year-old boy who still exists in my brain makes a silly joke about it actually being inside the box.

“Highlighting the relationship between sex and happiness will help us in developing and organizing specific sexual health interventions for this growing segment of our population.”

Based on the survey responses of 238 married individuals age 65 years or older, Jackson discovered that frequency of sexual activity was a significant predictor of both general and marital happiness. The association even remained after accounting for factors such as age, gender, health status, and satisfaction with financial situation.

I wonder what the results would show for unmarried, but sexually active people, and people in longer-term relationships that have been denied the freedom to marry?

Relating this a little more to our main issue here at Full Marriage Equality, sometimes older people will find lovers or even spouses who are much younger. There are people who continue to frown on this, though more so when the relationship is an older woman with a younger man, perhaps a lingering effect of the mentality that women are supposed to be financially dependent on men and birth babies (or, sex is only for reproduction.) In addition to all of the other challenges to this mentality, people are living longer, and there’s no reason why people should have to give up sex if they still want it. Intergenerational relationships can be mutually beneficial, and this study is more proof of that.

Something else that happens and is not often talked about is widowed, divorced, or never married older people finding full companionship with a relative, such as a cousin or sibling.

Nothing is Wrong With People Who Enjoy Sex

Yasmin Sattarzadeh wrote about incest, including both consanguinamory (consensual sex) and rape/assault/molestation under that label. The negativity expressed towards the consensual sex sounds very familiar.

There is one word that is almost always linked with the urge to run and hide: incest.

That is why I like the term “consanguinamory” for consensual relationships.

But what does incest entail and why do some people engage in interfamilial relationships?

For many of the same reasons people have sex in general. Because they’re in love, because it feels good, because they’re curious, because they want to strengthen a bond…

The origin of incestuous behavior and its ongoing practice remains a puzzle; its beginning is ancient and has been touched on in many religious texts around the world. It doesn’t help that talks about incest, especially in the West, have been tabooed and avoided.

No, that certainly doesn’t help.

In legal terminology, incest often includes unions between non-biological and biological relatives. According to a 1995 study by Maddock and Larson, sibling-to-sibling unions appear to be the most common form of consanguineous, or common ancestral, mating. This may still be the case today, but as far as the majority of Western society is concerned, individuals who engage in incest are usually considered sex offenders.

They shouldn’t be, if we’re talking about consensual sex.

Perhaps the lack of public and consensual incestuous relationships leads many people to conclude that all incestuous relationships are forced.

There’s a catch there. People don’t go public because they fear prosecution, bullying, and discrimination. Since they don’t go public, others don’t because they feel isolated. Thus, there is a lack of pressure to chance the laws.

If not out of force, or simple malevolent wrongdoing, incest may be a symptom of neurological deficit.

That’s what uptight people have said in the past about everything from masturbation to oral sex to gay sex to naturism to interracial relationships.

Five Torontonian researchers published a 1998 article in the journal Annals of Sex Research containing various studies that found a relationship between brain defects and unusual sexual behaviour. At that time, “the most interesting and best controlled study to date” was a blind study which found that 22 per cent of 86 patients with unusual sexual tendencies demonstrated sexual irregularities associated with specific patterns found in the temporal lobes of the brain.

How is it a defect that different activities are associated with different parts of the brain? That isn’t a defect.

In addition, 25 per cent of the incestuous individuals were pedophiles — a particular pattern of brain pathology was found in the left temporal frontal areas of the pedophilic brain.

This is exactly the same kind of nonsense used to slur gays for so many years. Guess what? Who is going to be an easier target for a rapist or molester than their own child? It is terrible to insinuate that consensual sex between adults is like raping or molesting.

This is pure conjecture, but the sheer resistance to the idea makes you wonder whether or not there are more people out there that have these desires or wishes.

If Internet traffic is any indication, a whole lot.

But the infamous psychoanalyst Carl Jung explored the incestuous fantasies in families in his book, Psychology of the Unconscious. In it, Jung describes this phenomenon as “kinship libido,” which is necessary in achieving good experiences in early life. “Incest fueled desire” is said to be a part of normal human love that healthy families cannot do without.

Interesting.

Some people develop an aversion to consanguineous sex (the cited Westermarck effect), some don't. Then there's Genetic Sexual Attraction, when close biological relatives reunite after being separated and after the younger one has also gone through puberty; absent the Westermarck effect, there is a strong attraction.

Consensual consanguineous sex has been a part of humanity all along, from royals to peasants, rich to poor, urban to rural, everything from youthful experimentation to lifelong relationships.

The fact is, there are healthy, well-adjusted, well-rounded, attractive, otherwise law-abiding people in consanguinamorous relationships, even with healthy children together. Most will not come out of the closet for fear of prosecution or persecution, but there is no good reason to keep laws or taboos against consensual consanguineous relationships. Personal disgust or religion is why any one person might not want to be in such a relationship, but that should not be binding on others.

Uneven Freedoms to Marry

Out of Baton Rouge, Louisiana, Parker Cramer brought up something recently covered here. He starts with this ridiculous statement…

Who doesn't love a baby with seven toes and a tail?

The question may seem silly, but a friend pointed out to me last week that you can legally marry your first cousin in nearly half the states in this country.

Most first cousins who have children together have healthy children.

You can legally marry your first cousin in 18 out of the 50 states with no exception, according to CousinCouples.com, a website which helps facilitate consanguineous marriages. You can marry your cousin with certain exceptions in seven other states.

So let's see if my math is correct (and it most likely is since my parents are not cousins). There are 18 states that allow cousins to marry with no exceptions, plus the seven states that allow cousins to marry with a few exceptions equals 25 total states — half of the country.

Every state should allow adult first cousins to marry.

While cousins may be able to marry each other in half the country, same-sex marriage is only legal in seven states, including Washington, D.C., according to NPR.

Every state should allow adults of the same sex to marry.

The ignorance is restated…

Nothing is sacred about marrying your first cousin and having a merry gang of offspring that strangely resemble the victims of Chernobyl.

Why hate on cousin couples? Everyone should have the right to marry. An adult should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults. A man should be free to marry another man, even if that man is his cousin.

Speaking Out For the Polygamous Freedom to Marry

The piece on a television station's website began with this shocking statement…

Not all polygamists live in walled compounds or wear dresses. Many live among us in normal neighborhoods and wear normal clothes.

Okay, so it isn’t really shocking. It is what I’ve said all along. Those who are being denied marriage equality are your neighbors, you coworkers, your teachers, your police officers, your firefighters.

Anne Wilde is one of those women. She said the bond between sister wives is a good thing. She is dedicated to educating others about plural families and their culture.

Good for her!

Wilde said there are many families in the Salt Lake area living among us, but living in silence.

That’s wrong, that people would have to hide their love.

Wilde was married for nine years in a monogamous relationship. After a divorce, she remarried into a plural family. She was a sister wife for 33 years, until her husband’s recent death.

Kim Kardashian can get married on television for 72 days, and it is all legal. But Wilde was married for thirty-three years without legal recognition, or full freedom. This is a horrible inequality.

“Please don't criticize us for forming a family. We are not breaking any other law, we're tax payers, we're not abusive to our children, and there's no domestic violence.”

Wilde is the co-author of the book “Voices in Harmony” and co-founder of the non profit organization “Principle Voices.”

She’s another example of why we need full marriage equality.

Meanwhile, the Dargers report the positive results of coming out…

We wanted to find out how "coming out" has changed things for Joe, Alina, Valerie, Vickie and their children so, we went to visit with the family at their Herriman home.

Don: "Since you went on television and went public, what has changed?"
Alina: "I had some people come up and say wow - I never knew." "We've had a lot of people from all over the country reach out and identify with us and just say this is a different side of polygamy that I didn't know existed."
Joe: "Its been very liberating for me."
Vickie: "Some of the moms have come up and said, I think its great and I support you and I dont have any problem with your lifestyle. I feel like it has been mostly positive."

But the bigots will be bigots…

Don: "Have you lost clients or customers since this changed."
Joe: "We had a person write a comment in the paper, oh, I know him and I will never do business with him again."

A woman should be free to marry a married man, or another woman, or her own sister, or all three. How does that hurt anyone else?

In light of today's ruling by the B.C. court, be sure to check out the list of Discredited Arguments against freedoms to marry and full marriage equality, and good answers to them.

The Absurdity of Canadian, American Laws Against Polygamy

Alan, as usual, provides great coverage of breaking news, this time regarding the ruling in the B.C. court upholding the ban on the polygamous freedom to marry.

In most of the US (not all) and Canada, it is legal for people to be nonmonogamous in general, and polyamorous specifically. They can date multiple people, love multiple people, have sex with multiple people, live with multiple people, have children with multiple people, and so forth. But they can't get married. A man can have children with three different women. He can have them all live with him. He can live as though he's married to all of them, but not get legal recognition. A woman can live and love with two other women, but only marry one of them (in most US states, she still can't marry either of them.) A woman can have two men live with her, love them both, have children by both of them, but can't get legal recognition.

What kind of sense is that?

This denial of their freedom to marry leaves them vulnerable, against their choice, to complications and discrimination. An adult should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Breaking: Freedom to Marry Denied in Canada

The B.C Supreme Court has upheld the country’s law banning polygamy. B.C. Supreme Court Chief Justice Robert Bauman decided Wednesday that Canada's polygamy law is constitutional but flawed.

Outrageous. How can consenting adults be denied the right to marry? Canada has been making progress; the same-sex freedom to marry is recognized. But it needs to move to full marriage equality so that an adult is free to share marriage with any consenting adults.

This decision must be appealed.

There will be more coverage later, of course.