England Still Prosecuting Consenting Adults

Yet again we see public resources being wasted prosecuting consenting adults for loving each other and having sex. Jenny Loweth reported at thetelegraphandargus.co.uk...

A MAN who had sex with his natural daughter over a four year timespan was told by a judge that people would be "offended and appalled" by his behaviour.

Four years. This sounds like an ongoing relationship, doesn't it?

The father, in his mid 40s, committed incest with the vulnerable young woman at his flat in Bradford when she contacted him after being brought up in care, the city's Crown Court heard today.

So he didn't raise her, didn't groom her, and this was likely a Genetic Sexual Attraction situation.

He pleaded guilty to five offences of incest when his daughter was over 18.

We call that consenting adults.

Ray Donovan Series Provides a Darker Depiction of a Consanguineous Relationship

 Erica Parise/SHOWTIME

If you're watching Ray Donovan and not caught up with season 4, be advised this posting has SPOILERS below.

Visibility matters. Unfortunately, there aren't many realistic portrayals good consanguinamorous relationships in current media.

I hadn't been paying attention to this series, but there were characters who were half-siblings who were having sex. Given the themes and settings of the series, it isn't surprising that the characters are not exactly model citizens. Hector and Marisol are the characters of particular interest to this blog.

Poppy is an Ally for a Consanguinamorous Pair

There's an advice column, Ask Poppy, found at preen.inquirer.net. In this edition, she examines a same-sex consanguinamorous relationship.

"E" wrote...

Three years ago, I met my mother’s sister in a reunion. We are aware of the existence of each other but like the other siblings of my mother, we are not really close because of distance.

When I met her during the reunion, we kicked it off—I felt like she’s a cool person and she thought I was cool too. Just normal reactions when you get to know somebody the first time, I guess.

This was sounding like it could be Genetic Sexual Attraction, but..

Facebook Messenger happened and it got to the point where we were talking every day. And after about a year, I kind of developed feelings for her romantically—I felt it was mutual, but I did not dare ask.

Because it took so long, it probably doesn't fall under GSA or at least not a "typical" example of it, although the lack of a Westermarck Effect is still involved.

And then somebody from the family got sick and she decided to visit, she said she wanted to see our place, too.

I can’t recall what happened but at some point during her stay, we kissed each other. And it was the best kiss I have had in my life.

That is typical of consanguinamory.

A Great Interview With Jane

Our friend Jane Doe was interviewed and it was glorious.

Compersion Is Exciting

Rosebud Baker at thefrisky.com has an essay headlined with "I Asked My Boyfriend to Sleep With Someone Else, And It Was Fantastic For Both of Us."

She starts out explaining that she and her boyfriend of three years have fantasized about nonmonogamy, which is a very common area of fantasy, but they've done something that not as common, but by no means rare... actually opening up their relationship.

Being that we were both brand new to the idea of opening up our relationship, we sort of went into the whole thing holding hands. He chose someone on Tinder and sent me screenshots of her profile for approval. I made sure to set some very clearly defined sexual boundaries, most importantly that our “third party candidate” knew about me and the agreement that my boyfriend and I had. The night of, he texted me before he left to meet her, when he arrived at the destination, and when the deed was done.

All very reasonable and good things.

From the moment I brought up the idea, the chemistry between us had intensified and the morning after the whole event felt as though it was reaching boiling point.

Experimenting and exploring can be exciting.

A Few Reactions in Kenya to Court Ruling

We recently noted that a judge in Kenya pointed out that Kenya does not have laws criminalizing sex between cousins. To follow up on that news, Ruth Nyambura at allafrica.com collected opinions against the court finding from people who aren't lawyers, judges, or legislators. Seems legit.

First up to say the judge, who made a legally (and ethically) connect ruling, got it wrong is a chaplain...

Daystar University's Chaplain Jeremiah Obura said a lot of what is happening is out of influence from the western culture where they do all sorts of weird things and people copy for the sake of it.

Right. Uhm, western culture didn't invent sex between first cousins. It's been going on for all of human history.

He quoted the Bible the book of Leviticus Chapter 18 verse six which states: "No one is to approach any close relative to have sexual relations, I am the Lord. There is no debate on this issue. Based on the scriptures it is not right and it rules out."

1. I was unaware that present-day Kenya is ancient Israel, subject to the laws of ancient Israel. If so, well, there's a whole lot of other laws I'm sure Obura is breaking.

2. In those laws for ancient Israel, prohibitions on cousins getting together are NOT THERE. If this guy bothers to read his Bible, he knows that.

3. The Bible, subsequent to this passage, depicts marriages between cousins in a positive light.

4. Kenya shouldn't be a theocracy.

Escaping a Broadbrush

It is irksome to see the title "Escaping Polygamy." I know many people who could say they escaped monogamy, escaped marriage, etc. Abusers are someone to escape. A relationship construct is only something to be escaped for someone who isn't suited for it. For example, if you're polyamorous, it can be rather painful to be coerced into a monogamous relationship with no hope of polyamory.

With that in mind, here's a report from Ryan Gajewski at usmagazine.com with the headline "Escaping Polygamy's Lorie: Sharing My Husband With My Sister Is Like a 'Bad Dream."

A polygynous man taking sisters as wives is not all that unusual. However, I can understand that if someone really doesn't want to be in a polygynous marriage, or doesn't want to be in one with her sister, that it could be a terrible way to live. Nobody should be pressured into a relationship they don't want. Part of having full marriage equality and relationship rights for all is allowing people to be themselves. This will allow people to have the relationships they want, including not having a legal, romantic, or sexual relationship at all.

The wrong kind of sisterly bond. Escaping Polygamy's Lorie opens up about the pain of sharing her husband with a blood relative in the Sunday, August 21, episode, as seen in Us Weekly's exclusive sneak peek.

The wrong kind of sisterly bond for her. For other women, sharing a partner with their sibling is something to which they aspire.

The A&E unscripted series' preview clip shows Lorie telling the camera that she has 10 children with husband Verl, who she married when she was 17. Verl was already married to Lorie's older sister, and the two of them have 15 kids together. (Verl also has six kids with a third wife, who is his half-sister.)

How did that not make the headlines? He's in a consanguineous marriage. Of course it wouldn't be a legal marriage anyway, since he has a legal wife and the law still only allows one, but not only is polyfidelity criminal in Utah, so is having sex with your half-sibling. I'm not defending Verl specifically, but consensual adult relationships shouldn't be criminalized.

They all belong to the polygamist Salt Lake City–based Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Is the problem here really polygamy, or rather something about the FLDS? Consider what the article says next...

'Escaping Polygamy' Star Lorie

"My mom walked out of our life when I was 9, and [my sister] took the role of a mother, and she really felt strongly that I needed to be a part of her family," Lorie explains. "She would tell me that she felt like if I didn't do this, then I would lose my eternal salvation."

So tell me how this would relate to the polygamous freedom to marry under a system of gender equality in which people are truly free to not marry and to marry the person or people they want to marry?

Picking on Persecuted People

TRIGGER WARNING: Bigotry quoted and exposed, and mentions of SA

Amanda Marcotte wrote at salon.com to let you know that she thinks the term "Genetic Sexual Attraction" is just an excuse people who love each other use for... uh... loving each other. How dare they!!! She takes journalists to task for not doing more research. And we agree! For example, it is not acceptable for a newspaper to report that someone has been charged with "incest" without clarifying what that means.

Anyway, on to this piece at salon.

Kenya Feel The Love Tonight

Ignorance abounds when it comes to sex and marriage between first cousins. Your first cousin is your parent's sibling's child. In many places in the world, and for most of human history, marriage between first cousins has been a common thing. There are, however, places where such marriages face discrimination, including criminalization. The US, where this blog is based, is a mixed bag because each state has their own laws. As such, about half of the states (some with restrictions) will marry first cousins, a handful of the others will criminally prosecute first cousins for having sex, and the remainder of the states neither criminalize sex between first cousins nor will marry first cousins.

But this news is not about the US, but rather Kenya. Martin Oduor reports at ghafla.co.ke...

If you didn’t know, it’s okay for cousins to have sexual relationships in Kenya!

Apparently Kenyan law hasn’t criminalized sexual relationships between cousins; high court ruling on an ‘incestuous’ relationship has stunned the nation.

High Court judge James Makau found that the Sexual Offenses Act did not mention cousins among the list of relatives under the offence of incest.

So it's legal. Apparently, some courts were not aware of what the law says and doesn't say, which is a problem.

Reading his ruling in a case where a woman took her nephew to court for having sex with her daughter, Makau stated that sex and marriages between cousins was permissible because there are no provisions for it in the law.

“The National Assembly did not leave out the clause on cousins by intension but by the fact that in some cultures in Kenya, like the Hundus and Muslims, allow sexual acts and marriage between cousins. It is not criminalized,” The Standard quoted the high court judge.

The law should be changed so that the criteria for adults having sex or marrying is consent. If they are adults and they consent, it shouldn't be discriminated against.

The accused in the said ‘incestuous relationship’ appealed the case at the High Court after a lower court found him guilty of incest and sentenced him to 10 years in prison.

The High court found him not guilty of incest and suspended the jail term he had been handed by the lower court.

Ten years in prison! How outrageous! It's a good thing that was overturned.

UPDATE: Reaction from a few Kenyans.

Genetic Sexual Attraction is Real

Ciacho gave a basic explanation of what Genetic Sexual Attraction is, and asked for opinions on whether or not it is real. There should be no doubt at this point that it is real.

I think a better question is whether or not it is a problem. I don't think it is inherently a problem. However, because it is so powerful, it can be a problem given certain circumstances:

1. Not reciprocated. Unrequieted love or attraction is painful.

2. Acting on focusing on the attraction violates existing vows to another, or otherwise damages an existing relationship. A common example is a married person with vows of monogamy becomes distracted or cheats.

3. A non-sexual relationship is a higher priority ("I want a brother") and sex is seen as a threat to that.

4. Acting would be a violation of the law. Rejection by others.

#4 should no longer be true when it comes to adults. It is ridiculous to have laws against consensual adult sex, and we should not reject our friends and family for such a thing, either. #3 is a little more flexible. If one is the kind of person who can be friends with past lovers, there shouldn't be a concern. By exploring the sexual side of the relationship, there is a lot that can be gained and less of a chance anything will be lost.

Monica and Caleb Come Out

We have blogged about this case before and told you how to help.

Now, Ryan Parry has featured Monica and Caleb, brought together by GSA, in a dailymail.co.uk article with pictures and video. While other consanguineous lovers protect themselves by staying closeted, these lovers are speaking up to challenge unjust laws. Will more come out?

A mother and son whose forbidden love affair could land them each a lengthy jail sentence have declared they are 'madly in love' and nothing will tear them apart.

Monica Mares, 36, and her son Caleb Peterson, 19, face up to 18 months in prison if found guilty of incest at a trial later this year in New Mexico.

Prison... for being consenting adults who love each other. It really doesn't matter how many people find this disgusting or shocking. The basic question is, should consenting adults be denied their fundamental right to be together?

Horror: Letting Some Adults Love Each Other Might Lead to More Love

With news of Monica and Caleb's love and unjust prosecution (and Genetic Sexual Attraction) going viral, it was expected that the professional columnists and bloggers who make their living repeating how important they think it is it is for everyone to live under their particular religious rules would pile on along with the knuckle-dragging haters.

Here are just two examples.

GSA Couple Interviewed For Radio

A GSA couple who are Friends of Lily and Friends of FME were interviewed for a National Public Radio show. You can hear them tell their story here. Their part of the program starts about 25 minutes in.

Something noteworthy about their experience is the support of family. That is so important and, as they note, many people in consanguinamorous relationships do not have that support.

Thanks to this couple and the staff at NPR for a great program.

Carrie Jenkins Has Some Very Important Things to Say

Carrie Jenkins, a polyamorous philosophy professor with a book on the way, wrote a brilliant essay at theestablishment.co on how polyamorous relationships and sexuality (especially in women) are insidiously denigrated. There will be quotes below, but you need to go read the whole thing.

If you read about polyamory in the media, you’ve probably seen The Photo: an image of three (or more) pairs of adult feet at the end of a bed, poking out from under a white duvet.

YES! That seems to be the image used more than any other. The other one is looking at three people sitting on a bench, from behind, with the two people on the end holding hands "behind the back" of the person in the middle, in a way that implies cheating.

What Really Happened in Nodaway County, Missouri?

WARNING: Possible trigger warnings for SA.

Matthew Hames Norris is a Limited Ally for Consanguinamorists

In the US, with high disapproval percentages for both of the major party nominees for President more people are considering voting Libertarian. Now, not all Libertarian Party members are truly libertarian, and not all libertarians are the same. Also, not all libertarians are Libertarian Party members. Anyway, Matthew James Norris is "an aspiring British historian and philosopher, with additional interests in political theory, economics, and contemporary affairs" and at beinglibertarian.com he wrote an essay taking a libertarian approach to laws criminalizing consanguinamory.

I am a conservative Baptist. I believe extra-marital sex is morally wrong, and that same-sex marriage is illegitimate. I believe prostitution and incest are morally reprehensible.

However, in spite of my personal sentiments, I believe all of the above should be legal, albeit with some qualifiers. Why? Because, as Ron Paul so candidly put it, “we as individuals are responsible for our own lives and decisions.” Indeed, that statement is one to which all Baptists should subscribe.

See? It is possible to say something isn't for you, or that you think others shouldn't do it, without trying to stop other people from doing it.

The fear, then, is that by speaking out in favour of incest being legal (even with some caveats) you open yourself up to the charge that you have some sort of Oedipal complex, that you are a motherfu-…you get the idea.

Yes, yes, I believe people off all races should have their rights, which means I want to be each of those races, right?

The point is that there is a near universal taboo about incest. However, libertarians must not let that fear prevent us advocating reforms that will increase liberty.

I wouldn't say it is near universal. It is a common taboo, to be sure.

Does romantic and/or sexual love between relatives cause physical harm to others against their will? I cannot imagine a situation in which that is so. At most, the parties involved could harm themselves in the act, but that is of no concern to the libertarian – it is merely an unfortunate consequence of their own consensual choices.

Right. Usually, though, it is much more positive than harmful.