Happy Halloween

Is it true what I've heard, that outside the US Halloween is no big deal? Halloween is October 31 and it is celebrated widely and diversely here in the US.

Do you have any special plans for Halloween? Have you done or will you do anything fun or interesting this year at a Halloween party or event?

Here in the states, the stores depend on Halloween to sell a lot of merchandise. There are parties, costume contests, what amounts to theatre in front of (and inside, sometimes) the homes of people as they try to scare or entertain neighbors and strangers with things ranging from silly to sexy, spooky to gory. In some places, kids (and often parents) in costumes go from door to door collecting candy or other treats.

Many amusement parks, ranging from small to the largest, do special entertainment in the weeks leading up to Halloween, and this is a favorite time of the year for movie studios to release horror movies, and for broadcasters to show ones from years past.

For some, there are religious or spiritual aspects to the day, and it might be called by other names.

Some interesting things can happen when people are having fun at costume parties, or cuddled up together watching scary movies.

So, as always, feel free to comment or share your stories.

A Note to Readers and Contacts

Thank you for visiting the blog, and a special thanks to all of you have have left comments and even more so to those of you who've reached out and connected via email, Twitter, Facebook, or Tumblr.

This blog is a labor of love. It is not how I earn my living. Also, there are a very few of us bloggers but so many of you in the community. As such, even though I count so many of you as friends, sometimes I can't initiate conversations or keep conversations going. Please don't take it personally. It would help a great deal if you'd send me messages to let me know how you are doing, because I do care. And if you're a reader who has never contacted me, you're also encouraged to write to me.

Anyone can write me at either of these email addresses:

fullmarriageequality at Protonmail dot com

fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com

Thank you! I hope to hear from you soon with an update on how you are, or something you want to run by me, or with your suggestions or success reports... really, with anything.

Still No Good Reason to Deny the Right to Marry

In August of this year, Tom Head decided to respond at thoughtco.com to "10 Really Bad Arguments Against Same-Sex Marriage" by the American Family Association. Since the limited monogamous same-sex freedom to marry was legalized over two years prior, I'm not sure why this was published  in August, unless it was intended for people in Australia or other places that need to get moving on marriage equality.

Unfortunately, Head throws ethical nonmonogamists who want to marry under the bus with this one...

Argument #2: Polygamy Will Follow If Same-Sex Marriage Is Legalized

Whether or not there's a connection between polygamy and homosexuality, there's been no proof of this since same-sex marriage was legalized in June 2015. Even if the concern had a rational basis and polygamy rates were to suddenly spike, there's a simple solution – propose a constitutional amendment banning polygamy.  

Head's response to what is essentially Discredited Argument #7 should have been "So what"?

What's the problem with letting an adult marry any and all consenting adults? That's called...

E-Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y

As we see, there is no good argument against full marriage equality. Let's stand up for the rights of ALL adults to have the relationships to which they mutually agree.

There Is No Good Reason to Deny the Consanguineous Freedom to Marry

Over and over again, we see there is no good reason to deny people in consanguinamorous relationships their right to be together, including their freedom to marry. There is no good reason to deny full marriage equality for all adults.

Anti-equality bigots don't have good arguments, so instead of arguing they'll usually say, after making their ignorant assertion, something like "I'm not going to discuss this any further!" or they'll try to insult the person who disagrees with their hateful, prejudiced statements.

Repeating the same prejudiced assertion over and over again isn't an argument.

The rhetorical equivalents of jumping up and down, rolling eyes, pointing, and saying "See! We said this would happen!" is not an argument.

Recently [a while ago now], a bunch of sister publications profiled a couple who are Friends of FME and Friends of Lily and even more recently, professional anti-equality websites printed reactions because they knew it would get them a lot of hits. Their readers actually like to read about these relationships, as is obvious from their reactions and comments. Of course they claim to protest, but their actions betray them. They read, and then shriek into the echo chamber a few of the usual Discredited Arguments, often #1, 4, 18, and 22.

They don't bother to consider that the couple in the article not only were not raised together, but didn't even know of each others' existence until they were heading for middle age. The haters don't bother to take into account this couple will not be having children. They do not grasp that saying "they'll have mutant babies!" doesn't apply because they're not going to be having babies together. (These people often have much ignorance about human sexuality and reproduction.)

I replied to the tweets from the official accounts, and that prompted some rabid haters to attack me. They kept repeating Discredited Arguments 1, 18, and 22 and restating what they thought was going on, as if these were reasons the lovers shouldn't be together. They kept addressing me as though I was someone in the article, demonstrating a lack of a grasp on basic reality.

I detail the Twitter exchanges below, but I offer a TRIGGER WARNING because of their bigotry, which includes transphobia, homophobia, ableism, anti-equality, anti-consanguinity, and sexual assault.

Oregon Still Wasting Resources Prosecuting Consenting Adults

Here's an update on lovers we last covered on this blog over two years go.

Why are the authorities in Oregon still wasting time, energy, and money prosecuting consenting adults for loving each other? This doesn't help anything. It just makes things worse, and is unconstitutional.

Coming Out Day

Even with the US Supreme Court decision bringing all states online with the limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry, and some recent laws enacted for the protection and rights of LGBT people in the US and other countries, life can be tough for someone whose identity and orientation doesn’t fit in to a little heterosexual, monogamous, "traditional"-gender-role box or whose relationship doesn’t meet the local sex police’s approved standards. Sometimes, a person or the people in a relationship want to come out of the closet. Sometimes they need to come out. For some of these people, it is a little less difficult if they do so as part of a communal event, such as National Coming Out Day.

National Coming Out Day is today, October 11. Here’s the official website, at least for the US. There is much helpful information there, regardless of where you live.

The more people that come out, the more the others around them will realize they do know and appreciate people who are LGBT, or polyamorous, or consanguinamorous, and that such people and relationships deserve equality. So coming out helps progress.

On the other hand, it is understandable that any given person, couple, triad, or quad decides to stay in the closet for now. There’s still so much hate, so much prejudice and persecution, and even unjust laws that hinder the life and love of people who are good citizens and just want to be themselves. I support the decision of anyone who believes they need to be reserved for now for the sake of their safety and family.

The decision to come out is yours. Do you want to come out, and to whom? Your friends? Your family? Your coworkers? Your classmates? Your neighbors? Your crush? The whole world?

Also, if someone comes out to you, the decision to be an ally is yours. If your classmate, coworker, neighbor, friend, parent, child, or sibling comes to you and says they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, pansexual, transgender, polyamorous, or in a consanguinamorous relationship, what will you do? Will you choose love and acceptance?

Even if you are heterosexual, monogamous, and nonconsanguinamorous, you may want to come out as an ally for full marriage equality. That alone can take courage, but it helps.

If you are planning to come out, or you do come out, please feel free to share your experience here by commenting.

Advice on Coming Out as Polyamorous to Your Parents

Since claimed (serial) monogamy is usually presented as the default relationship model, polyamorists sometimes have a need to come out to others, including their parents. Miri Mogilevsky has some advice at everydayfeminism.com about coming out to your parents.

So you’ve discovered that you’re polyamorous.

Maybe you’re already seeing more than one partner, or you’re hoping or planning to. Maybe you’re in a monogamous relationship that you want to open up. Maybe you’ve already told a few close friends, or your entire Facebook friends list.

If you're doing these things, your parents are probably figuring it out already, at least on some level.

1. Show Them Some 101 Resources

You don’t have to do all the work of explaining polyamory to your parents yourself. Luckily, many have already invented that particular wheel.

olyamorous educator Franklin Veaux provides a useful introduction to polyamory at his website, More Than Two. This PDF by Cherie L. Ve Ard and Franklin Veaux includes both a glossary and some common polyamory myths. The books Opening Up, More Than Two, and The Ethical Slut include lots of introductory material for those who don’t know much about polyamory and could be great gifts if you think your parents might want a more in-depth explanation.

Many cities also have local groups that have events and meetings, some of which are geared towards people who are curious or apprehensive about polyamory and hoping to learn more. If you think this might help your parents, you can try searching Meetup for a group in their area.

Go read through the rest of it if you have any interest. It is helpful. Be prepared for the standard arguments people try to make against polyamory.

The Family Business

Consanguinamory has always been depicted on our stories because it has always been a part of life. But what about when the story itself doesn't have consanguinamory, but the performers are close relatives playing love interests? Rose Moore at screenrant.com noted "15 Times Siblings Played Love Interests In Movies and TV"...

Yes, you read that correctly: real brothers and sisters have portrayed characters who want to do the nasty with each other, and several have even included full-blown make outs or steamy bedroom scenes.

The nasty? Sibling consanguinamory is often a beautiful thing.

9. Sophie and Eloise Lovell Anderson (The Bastard Executioner) Disturbing as it may be, there’s a long-accepted male fantasy that involves bedding twin sisters – either separately, or at the same time. For most, it’s something that stays firmly in the fantasy realm, or is pulled out for a sitcom punch-line. However, real-life twin sisters Sophie and Eloise Lovell Anderson brought that fantasy to life in The Bastard Executioner, where the two play twin prostitutes.

The scheming Clara and Ramona decided to use their sexy similarities to seduce a target into having a threesome with them. The scene wasn’t just implied, either, but a graphic sex sequence that includes both girls naked in bed with their conquest, and making out not just with the man, but with each other as well.

Rose Moore really, really wants to make it clear she finds this all disgusting.

7. Pepi and Ruth Hermine (Putney Swope)
This satirical black comedy about the advertising business, racism, and corporate corruption was an arthouse hit when it was released in 1969 – but it includes one particularly incestuous scene where siblings aren’t just portraying a married couple, but share a loving kiss in bed.
Putney Swope’s President of the United States was portrayed by Pepi Hermine, while his (nameless) First Lady was played by his own sister, Ruth Hermine. One of their scenes involved the two getting into bed and kissing each other with real gusto, and leaving the rest to the audience’s imagination. Director Robert Downey Sr. revealed that he didn’t realize that the two were brother and sister when he cast them, but said that when he found out “it made it twice as funny”.

Yes... funny.

3. Meret and Ben Becker (The Harmonist)

Meret and Ben Becker may not be as well known as some of the other Hollywood families on this list, but these siblings share one of the steamiest love scenes of any real-life relatives on the big screen.

The two starred opposite each other in The Harmonists, a semi-fictional film about the rise and fall of a popular vocal group in Germany in the 1930s. Ben Becker stars as Robert Biberti, one third of a love triangle completed by another Harmonist, Harry, and Meret Becker’s Erna Eggstein. Both men fall in love with Erna, and although she begins the movie in love with Harry (and the two even consummate their romance), he cannot commit to her. Robert, his confident friend, ends up wooing her instead, and the two have a secret affair, including a passionate on-screen kiss… between a real-life brother and sister.

And finally...

1. Chyler Leigh and Christopher Khayman Lee (Kickboxing Academy)

Sorry folks, but we have indeed shared the worst for last. Forgive us.

Chyler Leigh may have made a name for herself in great shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Supergirl, but she’s also been in a couple pretty awful things as well – and topping the list of bad movies has to be Kickboxing Academy. This ‘90s teen rip-off of The Karate Kid stars Leigh as Cindy, a student at (you guessed it) Kickboxing Academy, a school preparing to take on their rival martial arts academy.

Also appearing in the film is her real-life brother, Christopher Khayman Lee, who plays ex-kickboxer Danny… and his own sister’s romantic lead. (You might recognize him from his days as the Red Ranger Andros from Power Rangers In Space.) Throughout the film, the two have several make-out sessions, at a time when she was only fifteen, and he was nineteen – and in a role that clearly should have been given to someone less… related… to the star.

Notice that these are all somewhat mainstream, not professional or amateur porn or erotica. There's plenty of such videos which claim to feature actual close relatives as performers. In these mainstream productions, unlike with porn, the performers are usually concentrating so much on their lines and movements, surrounded by crew and equipment, to the point it doesn't feel sexy to them at all. But I do wonder how many of them practiced in private to make it look as convincing as possible on the screen?

This also reminds me that just about everyone who has ever had nude/love scenes in movies or on stage or appeared nude in magazines (remember those?) or on websites has had living close relatives, most of whom have no doubt seen at least some of the imagery. I wonder how many consanguinamorous relationships have their generation in that?

None of this is to be confused with unrelated actors playing siblings while the actors had things for each other. That has been more common than people might think, and always has been. For a couple of old examples, there are scenes in the original Beverly Hills, 90210 in which Shannen Doherty can barely hide her lust for Jason Priestly, but in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," Mathew Broderick and Jennifer Grey do a much better job of avoiding giving off those vibes.

Some comments were left after the article...

Admiral Kirk

Dear Screenrant,
Despite the most popular show on television showcasing incest, it is NOT part of acceptable culture. Please refrain from writing articles (false and baseless ones at that) about this offensive subject.

Just because pop culture has brought it to the fore front of conversation does not mean it needs to be talked about. Please, please stop it. UGH.

I wonder if that person realizes that there are no doubt people in his life who are consanguinamorous? People his admires and respects?

Frankly, is way past time for Hollywood to seriously challenge the oppression of consanguinamorous people. There are actors, writers, directors, producers, and everyone else involved in making movies and television shows who have experience with consanguinamory, and it would be great if they would speak up and put their experiences into some sensitive productions.

Why Polyamory Will Gain Acceptance Faster

It’s not going to take as long for polyamorists to get our freedoms, including the freedom to marry, as it is taking (monogamist) gays and lesbians.

First, I need to have a bit of clarification here. Polyamory has always been around with some public awareness, whatever forms it has taken or whichever labels have been applied, especially if we go with the broad term ethical nonmonogamy instead.

What I mean is that in the US, as well as many other countries, there was a sustained period of trying to force everyone, or at least everyone but the elite, into heterosexual, gender-roled, married monogamy with spouses that were “acceptable” by class, race, religion, etc. Those deemed not suitable for marriage were often kept out of public life in general. For example, people with certain disabilities were expected to stay home or be institutionalized so as to not cause discomfort to people who would be uneasy around them. That oppression is in the process of being dismantled. We are ending the prosecutions, the persecutions, the stigmatizing, and everything else that makes it so people go into hiding (or hiding an important part of who they are) because of who they are and who they love.

Polyamorists haven't had a "Stonewall" moment. Many people cite the Stonewall Riots of 1969 as the start of gay and lesbian people fighting back against such persecution. It has been 44 years and same-gender couples are still barred from legally marrying in most US states and LGBT people still need employment protections (ENDA). But the momentum is rapidly building, especially with the recent Supreme Court actions on DOMA and PropH8 and the death of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” for military service, and all of the public figures who are coming out in support of the same-gender freedom to marry. There have been so many advancements since 1969.

Note that earlier in the 1960s, the US adopted laws to protect racial minorities nationwide, and the Loving v. Virginia case struck down bans on the interracial freedom to marry, over a hundred years after the Emancipation Proclamation. Women got the vote nationwide in 1920 and have made much progress, but are still on the journey.

So will polyamorists have to wait a couple of generations?

Happily, the answer is no. Here why: