Getting Started

It has become apparent to me that some people need advice on how to initiate a sexual relationship that’s not with a paid professional. 

Again: Never impose yourself on someone without their consent; their consent can end at any time.

Usually, you’ll need to be alone with the person you’ve set up this time with. Nobody else should be around unless you know they’d support you two getting sexual with each orher. Be thoroughly washed, cleaned, and groomed.

Do what works.

What works will be whatever both you want to do together.

It might take trial and error to figure that out.

You want them to feel sexual, playful, aroused, even passionate. You want them to feel your interest in, and desire for, them. You want them to feel like they have an itch that you can scratch, and that you have an itch they can scratch.

It will usually involve conversation with each other, which can range from what they think about the weather to what their sexual fantasies are, depending on how things have already gone between the two of you. Compliments, flirting, and innuendos (if you’re good coming up with those) should be sprinkled into the conversation, if possible.

Talking usually won’t be enough. You might want to do one or more of the following:

• Sit/cuddle/snuggle together watching a movie or show (one that won’t be a turn off). Or telling each other stories.

• Sit in a private hot tub together.

• Sit in an automobile together overlooking the sunset, the night sky, or the city lights. (Just be careful not to run afoul of the law but doing things where you’re likely to get busted.)

• Sit closely together while sharing a light meal and conversation; even better if some finger foods are involved that you can feed each other (olives, grapes, chocolates, etc.)

• Dance slowly together to music, just the two of you, pressing together.

• Play games together, whether video games, board games, card games, whatever.

• Gentle touches. Touching will be very important. If they don’t welcome your touches, such as on their arm, shoulder, back, or knee, that’s not a good sign. If you know they’ve been exercising, working out, training, or doing physical labor, asking them if you can feel specific muscles (biceps, shoulders, calves, thighs, stomach/abs) can help bring further intimacy.

At some point, you will need to have the courage to make a move.

If you’re snuggled or cuddled together, or sitting next to each other, it can be as simple as placing their hand in a more intimate place on you or your hand on a more intimate place on them, even if the hand just rests there and doesn’t move.

You might want to offer neck, shoulder, back, or foot rubs, massages, or backscratches to get your hands on them. Allow them to return the favor if you’d like. When you have your hands on them, slowly and gently moving your hands further and further as they welcome you doing so can be one good way to start. When they have their hands on you, moaning or sighing in approval can help, as can encouraging them to move their hands further and further. 

If they welcome your hugs or embraces, you can drift your hands all over, if they allow that.

If they welcome your kisses on their cheek or forehead, maybe they’ll allow them on their lips or neck next.

Touching them in certain places with your hands or lips, with their consent, is a clear indication that the relationship is becoming sexual, even if you’re both fully clothed at the time. Remember, though, that consent to something isn’t consent to everything.

In addition to listening to what they say, pay close attention to their body language. Do they want you to continue? Are they blushing, breathing hard, smiling, giggling, looking you the eyes, closing their eyes, moaning or humming with pleasure? These are good signs.

If at least one of you is touching and kissing the other in a romantic or sexual way, with consent - congratulations, you’re on your way. Maybe one or both of you will want to remove articles of clothing from the other and/or yourselves. Maybe you’ll want to move from where you are to somewhere more comfortable.

As long as they welcome it, keep going as “far” as you want to. One or both of you might want to stop at a certain point, without having “completed” anything; that’s OK. “No,” “don’t,” “stop,” “not now,” or “wait,” from either one of you should immediately stop whatever is happening. Maybe, if you’re the one stopping them, you want them to do something else rather than stopping entirely; playfully redirect them.

Everyone has their own pace. It might take many dates to get to something you want to do. Or you might go further than you’d dreamed your first sexual encounter together would go. Be prepared to adjust and adapt. Be patient. Be kind. Usually, the goals will include getting penises erect and vaginas wet, and sometimes those things need additional help (lube, medication), and for each person to climax as many times as they want (usually through contact with the penis or clitoris), but again, things can be paused or stopped before any of those things happen, and some people have a good time even if none of those things happen. You can start cautiously, keeping things limited. If you both mutually agree to move beyond that, good!

Some things to keep in mind before and during all this:

• If this is your first time ever doing these things, meaning you’ve never had sex or “made out” with anyone ever, don’t try to hide that. Your date will almost certainly be able to tell. Eveyone starts with no experience. Everyone learns as they go. Being honest about this is best. If this person has experience, they can teach you what to do, but each person is different, so what one person likes might not be what someone else wants.

• Being nervous is usually normal and natural. It’s OK to be nervous. Just be yourself and treat the other person with care.

• You might need or prefer be meet up with, or take the other person out, in public, maybe multiple times, before getting them alone in private. What that in involves can be anything; drinks, meals/picnics, desserts, walks, hikes, moviegoing, concertgoing, visiting museums, whatever you two will enjoy. But if you’re the one asking them out, make the arrangements; don’t put planning it on them or add to their mental load. Only ask questions about what they’ll want to do if you’re unsure about their needs (for example, don’t plan a horseback riding date if they are allergic to horses.)

• There’s nothing wrong with sipping alcohol, like wine, to ease your nerves and theirs, provided neither of you is a problem drinker or has a medical situation that precludes consuming alcohol; do NOT get them drunk, however. You want them able to understand what’s happening and to be able to give consent.

• Might condoms be needed? Condoms lower the risks of pregnancy and spreading certain diseases.

• Be prepared to address concerns and hesitations they have, which are more likely to be raised by them if you’ve had an established relationship with them that has been nonsexual until now.

• If you’re bigger/stronger than this person, keep in mind they might be feeling physically vulnerable while alone with you, which is all the more reason kindness and consent matter.

• While fiction can give you some examples, remember that it’s fiction. For example, porn is fantasy and usually involves what will look appealing or arousing on-camera. It’s usually not meant to be an educational how-to video.

Basic Facts About Sex 

Cautious Consanguinamory 

Step 4 and the rest this page might help:

https://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/blog-page.html

As always, you’re welcome to comment below.

Reach out to Keith to privately discuss the topics in this essay more. He can be emailed at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com, sent a message on Wire messaging app at fullmarriageequality, messaged on Bluesky at @marriage-equality, and X at @FullMEquality.

The Approach

There are many people I’ve communicated with who have no idea how to express and pursue romantic or sexual interest in someone else, at least if it doesn’t involve an app.

So, I thought I’d cover a few basics.

I want to make it very clear from the start that none of this is about imposing on someone against their consent.

On the flip side, it isn’t assault or harassment to approach someone who has expressed no interest in you yet, as long as you do it respectfully and gently, and back off if they decline. (You might want to avoid approaching anyone in your workplace, though.)

This IS about how to discern if someone else could be interested in you this way and letting them know you are interested them in this way. I can’t write for every set of customs on the planet, such as “arranged marriages” and elaborate rituals, and this essay assumes you are able and willing to act on mutual consent between you and the person you’re trying to approach.

This is mostly written with younger adults in mind, but much of it can be applied to adults of any age, especially if it’s been a long time since you’ve successfully looked for a partner in-person.

Approaching someone requires vulnerability on your part. You will be expressing (more) interest in them, and they might reject you, or at least decline your invitations. Thus it has been for generations. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Nothing “works” for, or on, “everyone.” People are diverse. So be flexible, adapt, and never impose on someone who has indicated they’re not interested.

Preparing

What are you looking for? A hookup/one night stand? A potential spouse? Something in the very wide spectrum between? Or is your answer to that question “Any of the above; it depends on the person?”

What you’re looking for helps to guide you on how you prepare.

What do you have to offer? Be honest with yourself. Is there anything about you that would interest potential lovers? Maybe you’re fun to hang out with. Maybe you’re a good conversationalist. Maybe you have a sexy body. Maybe you’re a good companion in general. Maybe you can touch your forehead with your tongue. Maybe you’re going to be a wealthy businessperson. Maybe you’re saving an endangered species.

If you don’t think you have much to offer, maybe you don’t. Or maybe you’re being too hard in yourself. But if you are lacking, there are ways to grow into someone who has more to offer. All some people want is someone who’ll listen to them, make them laugh, and touch them tenderly. 

How’s your hygiene and grooming? Except for rare fetishists, potential lovers want someone who is clean, doesn’t smell bad, and takes care of themselves. Clean hands and fingernails and a clean mouth (as in brushed teeth and good breath) are usually musts.

How do you present yourself to others? Does the way you dress indicate you care how you look? What’s your style? Don’t try to look like someone you’re not, but do look good for whatever your style is. That can range from a nice business suit to biker leather, a sundress to a business skirt.

You have self-control - usually. Most people have experiences and feelings that can overwhelm them from time to time, but if you’re looking for love, or sex, or sex AND love, behaving in a desperate, fearful, or out of control way won’t get you anywhere. “Losing control” is only good in the heat of passionate sex - sometimes. Not in getting to there.

Approaching Someone You Don’t Know Well

Approaching complete strangers or acquaintances, or neighbors you don’t know well is different than approaching someone you already know, which I will discuss below, after I discuss this.

The easiest way to begin is to ask questions that express interest it them. If they’re wearing, carrying, or doing anything that indicates their interest in something, asking about it can be one of the safest ways to start. If nothing else, you can ask them for their opinions on something nearby you’re about to try/buy/do, ask them for directions, or even ask them if you know them from somewhere or have met them before.

Asking them appropriate questions allows them to reveal more about themselves to you. In general, the more they’re willing to talk with you, the better. Also, their tone of voice and body language can give you indications. Are they smiling at you? Looking at you? Or are they putting up metaphorical walls, being curt and distant? If they are smiling at you and looking at you in a way that indicates they like what they see, that’s a good sign. Ask follow-up questions that show you’re listening to them and gets them talking about things that interest them or they are eager to share.

Offer compliments. These shouldn’t be crude. “Nice ass!” is usually going to be inappropriate, unless you’re at a farm as they’re showing off their donkey. Something like, “I like your hair,” or “Nice shoes,” or “Your eyes are gorgeous,” or “I like the way you kicked that mugger in the groin and threw him down the stairs.” Compliments can also be about something they said. “That sounds fascinating! I’d like to hear more about that.”

Flirt. Flirting usually consists of smiling, what you’re doing with your eyes, your overall body language, your tone of voice, and being playful with your compliments and whatever else you say. In so far as they welcome them, flirting can involve light, gentle touches such as on their arm or shoulder.

Set up a date. If everything above is going well, meaning they’ve received your flirting well and are flirting back, or at least they’re not breaking out a spray can full of mace, go ahead and ask for their phone number, and if you can, a date. Some people insist on being pursued rather than pursuing; if you’re one of them, offering your number and leaving it up to them to text or call is OK.

Make it easy for them. If you are OK doing the, or some, pursuing, suggest what you want to do, where, and when. For example:

“Will you join me for coffee or tea at Donna’s Tea Factory, tomorrow afternoon at 3? My treat.”

They might agree. Or decline. Or they might make a counter-suggestion, such as “How about Gary’s Frozen Yogurt at 8pm?”

That’s fine. There are people out there who tell you not to be flexible at all. Ignore that. Your goal is to set up a time and place for you two to begin to get to know each other better. Someone who comes back with an offer of a different time, place, or activity wants to spend time with you. Otherwise, they simply would have declined. By the way, dates don’t have to cost much. Meeting at a park for a nice walk and sitting on a bench can be most of the date; but keep in mind that most people aren’t their best on an empty stomach or with low blood sugar.

Another essay will address what to do on dates, but starting at step 5 on this page and adapting it to your situation can help. UPDATE! Here’s that essay about what to do on dates.

That all assumes you have someone in front of you you’re interested in. If you don’t, go where you’re likely to find people you might want to date. Bookstores used to be great for that, because you could see what they were reading and that might reinforce your interest. Or not. Such bookstores are getting harder to find. If you’re attending college, a trade school, or any other adult educational institution, going where other students gather can help. At any age, getting involved in an activity that indicates common interests, such as a charity or another nonprofit, or some local civic, hobby, or sports club can be a way to do that. Of course there are also bars and night clubs, if that’s your thing.  

Approaching Someone You Know Well

If there is someone you know well, and you want to add a romantic and/or sexual bond with them, attempting to initiate that may have some differences from approaching someone you don’t know well.

A benefit is that you already know each other. A potential hindrance is that for some people, if a romantic or sexual bond wasn’t explored with them before, they might have placed you in their mind into a nonsexual, nonromantic category, and changing that can extremely difficult.

It might help to understand why it has been a nonsexual, nonromantic relationship up until now. There are so many possibilities. Some of them include:

• Availability - at least one of you wasn’t available, whether due to existing commitments, geographic distance, mental or physical health issues, or more

• Professional connection - you were previously coworkers or boss/employee, one of you did some work for the other, you were educator and student, etc.

• Personal growth or transformation - at least one of you has recently figured out your priorities, matured, gained sobriety, achieved some stability, accepted the truth about your gender/sexuality/relationship needs, started to see the other as an attractive romantic/sexual person, gained the courage to be vulnerable, etc.

• Customs or taboos - you now realize that the disapproval of some strangers, especially dead strangers, shouldn’t prevent you from adding bonds with this person 

Don’t assume they are available just because you don’t know of any current partners, nor should you assume they’re unavailable because they do have current partners (although if their response to your approach is to tell you they have a partner, that’s usually a nice way of declining your offer, if it’s not part of a discussion about nonmonogamy).

Starting at step 4 on this page and adapting it to your situation might help.

Also, adapting much of what was written above about approaching strangers can work in getting this person you know to see you as a potential romantic/sexual partner and signal your interest in them as such.

Ask them open-ended questions to get them talking about romantic and/or sexual relationships. Ask for their opinions, thoughts, desires, preferences, experiences; whatever will get them talking. Need a starting point? Ask them about their dating life, or their thoughts about someone or something in the news - like a famous couple, or about other people you know, or a fictional situation you watched or read about, or mention a dream you had (even if you have to make it up). If things are going well enough, you can ask them questions that relate to your history and existing connection with them, even if you don’t clearly make it about the two of you. For example, “Do think it’s OK for former coworkers to date?” If they say yes, you can ask them if they’d be willing to date a former coworker. If they say yes, you might be able to ask them for a date.

Offer compliments. An advantage in offering compliments to someone you know well is that your compliments can be specific to the things they care most about. Some compliments should be more of the romantic or physical nature than you’ve offered them before, complimenting their appearance, for example.

Flirt. Flirting with this person should include much more physicality than with someone you barely know. More touches as you pass by them; leading them by the hand or otherwise holding their hand(s), more hugs, longer and tighter hugs, perhaps with drifting hands; kisses, more kisses, more suggestive kisses; even sitting on their lap or inviting them to sit on yours or next to you, depending on the situation.

Get them alone/Set up a date. Things aren’t going to get very far unless you can get them alone, or unless whoever else is present is supportive of you two getting together. This may involve going out on dates but, depending on the situation, might involve dates at home. Especially if it still hasn’t been established to them you are interested in them romantically and/or sexually, setting up regular, recurring dates might help. For example, suggest getting together regularly to watch movies, or play tennis, or go for walks, or share coffee, or play games/cards, or whatever, whether weekly or daily or whatever makes sense that you’ll both enjoy.

Discussion is essential. Because you’re trying to add additional bonds to an existing relationship, sooner or later you two will have to discuss what’s happening. It may feel weird or awkward, especially to them, even more so if it goes against customs or taboos. They may need reassurance that you’re not acting on a mere whim, or confused, and that this is truly what you want. Be prepared for them to express hesitations based on the prior bonds you have shared; your sincerity and thorough assurance can clear away those hesitations if they are able to reciprocate your feelings. If they can’t reciprocate your feelings, they may cling to the hesitations to soften saying “no” to you.

Again, never impose yourself on anyone against their consent.

A subsequent essay will examine dating behaviors. UPDATE: Here it is.

As always, you’re welcome to comment below.

Reach out to Keith to privately discuss the topics in this essay more. He can be emailed at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com, sent a message on Wire messaging app at fullmarriageequality, messaged on Bluesky at @marriage-equality, and X at @FullMEquality.

Ancestry, DNA, 23, Family Trees, and You

It's happening so often now. Someone sends in their DNA to be tested and they learn about close relatives, some they didn't even know they had. Sometimes, family secrets are revealed.

23andMe, Ancestry.com, Family Tree DNA, GeneTree, Genographic Project, MyHeritage, and Navigenics, and other services, often along with social media and networking and ease of travel, means people meeting or reuniting with close relatives.

Have you discovered consanguinamory in your family tree?

What about donor-conceived people getting together?

Have new or long-lost relatives been revealed to you?

A lot of people are dealing with these things now. There are people who understand. You can always write me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

World AIDS Day

December 1 is World AIDS Day.

It is very important to remember those we've lost to AIDS, to care for anyone battling AIDS, and to care for anyone with HIV.

We must continue to work for a cure, an inoculation, and continue to fight the spread of HIV.

We should also never forget that stigmas, ignorance, bigotry, sex-negative attitudes and shaming helped spread HIV and AIDS.

Let's continue to work for a better culture in which people aren't shamed and marginalized for their sexuality, nor discriminated against or stigmatized for getting HIV or getting sick.

Navigating the Holiday Season

The year-end holidays are here.

If you might be getting together with family for Thanksgiving (USA), Hanukkah, Winder Solstice, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year's Eve/Day, or any other holiday coming up, you might be facing specific decisions and considerations, especially if you're in an interracial relationship or an age gap relationship, or are LGBTQ+, nonmonogamous, consanguinamorous, or are exploring/living out kinks and certain dynamics:

• Avoiding hostile people
• Keeping closeted
• Coming out
• Making a move

You are under no obligation to spend holidays with people who are hostile to you because of your gender, orientation, relationships, or kinks, even if they are related to you. Repeat that to yourself as needed.

That being said, if there is just one or two hostile people and there will be dozen or more other people, consider if you can go and simply avoid the hostile people. Some families and gatherings allow for that.

What you tell people, how, and when, is up to you. If you're not ready to come out to the people you'd be spending time with, you shouldn't have to. Or, if you think coming out now to one, more, or all of the people who will be there would be best, you'll need to prepare yourself for emotionally for that.

As far as making a move, if there is a person or people likely to be there you want to "get closer to," whether relatives or family friends, plan ahead for the possibilities. Will there be a way to get them alone? Would it be good to get things in motion ahead of time through texts, messages, video chats, calls, etc.? Or do you want to wait until you're face to face to get things in motion or back into motion, as the situation might be.

Plan ahead and make the most of the season. What that means is up to you. For some of you, it will be making plans with friends and "found family" or your partner(s) and their families. Others will make the most of their opportunities by going "home." Plans can change, and that's fine. But do consider what you might want to do.

If you need someone to talk with or to give you feedback about your plans, or you just want to say hello to Keith, you can do so, as always, by emailing fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or message him on Wire at fullmarriageequality or on Facebook.

You can also comment with your thoughts, plans, or past experiences below.

Guest Essay - The Incest Taboo: A Wrong Turn in Human Understanding

“Captain Jim” has generously submitted a written contribution to Full Marriage Equality. The essay consists of Jim’s words, not Keith’s. Jim is an ally, with professional experience as a ship captain.

If you want to contribute in the same way, see here.

*****

The Incest Taboo: A Wrong Turn in Human Understanding

---

A Hypothesis Built on Sand

For more than a century, public and scientific opinion has rested on one fragile idea: that sexual attraction between close kin is biologically impossible. The so-called Westermarck Hypothesis claims that people raised together from infancy develop a natural aversion to intimacy with one another.

It sounds neat, even comforting—but the evidence is vanishingly thin. The theory rests on three oft-cited pillars:

1. Studies of Israeli kibbutzim children said to avoid pairing off;

2. The practice of sim-pua (“minor marriage”) in old China and Taiwan;

3. The claim that animals instinctively avoid inbreeding.

Each case collapses under scrutiny. Kibbutz studies reveal strong social pressures, not innate disgust. Sim-pua marriages were arranged and loveless—socially coerced, not biologically revealing. And across the animal kingdom, kin mating is widespread: wolves, bonobos, and many birds pair within families when trust and safety prevail.

What remains is not science but confirmation bias—a hypothesis that began by assuming the taboo’s universality and then cited itself as proof.

---

The Deep History of Endogamy

Long before law and dogma, endogamy—marriage within kin groups—was likely the human default. In small Paleolithic bands, kinship meant survival. Emotional familiarity fostered cooperation and care. Genetic data and historical records alike confirm that sibling and close-kin unions were not rare curiosities but often honored practices.

In Roman Egypt, sibling marriage was openly celebrated, common among peasants and elites alike. In Sasanian Persia, the doctrine of xwēdōdah sanctified marriage between parent and child as a religious virtue. These examples remind us that what we now call “taboo” was once woven into social and spiritual life.

---

Possible Benefits, Overlooked Truths

When approached with mutual love and responsibility, close-kin unions may confer real advantages:

• Trust and loyalty—family bonds strengthened rather than divided.

• Epistatic harmony—the preservation of adaptive gene combinations across generations.

• Empathy and cohesion—a shared interest in collective well-being, reducing conflict and exploitation.

The near-universal prohibition of such intimacy may thus represent not biological wisdom but an instrument of governance, redirecting devotion away from family toward temple, state, and hierarchy.

---

An Invitation to Truth

Today, the real stories of consanguinamory—loving relationships between kin—remain buried beneath a fog of secrecy and distortion. What little appears online often feels false, fetishized, or voyeuristic. Yet I am convinced that many genuine relationships exist quietly in every layer of society: tender, respectful, and spiritually sustaining.

I am seeking authentic, anonymous accounts from those living such relationships—truthful portraits of how love survives against law and custom.

All correspondence will remain confidential. Narratives may be shared under pseudonyms or written as fiction to protect privacy. The aim is not titillation, but truth—a collective record that might finally allow science and society to see what love really looks like when freed from fear.

If you wish to contribute, please contact Keith Pullman at Full Marriage Equality(fullmarriageequality@protonmail.com). He will ensure your privacy and forward your message securely.

Together, we can begin to replace the mythology of taboo with the clarity of lived experience—and perhaps recover a simple, buried truth:
that love between kin is neither monstrous nor rare, but a forgotten possibility in the long story of humanity.

Planning For The Holidays

The year-end holidays are coming up. In the US, that is kicked off with Thanksgiving, which is the fourth Thursday in November. This year that the 27th. That has traditionally meant seeing family, such as parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc.

If you might be getting together with family for Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Winder Solstice, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year's Eve/Day, or any other holiday coming up, you might be facing specific decisions and considerations, especially if you're in an interracial relationship or an age gap relationship, or are LGBTQ+, nonmonogamous, consanguinamorous, or are exploring/living out kinks and certain dynamics:

• Avoiding hostile people
• Keeping closeted
• Coming out
• Making a move

You are under no obligation to spend holidays with people who are hostile to you because of your gender, orientation, relationships, or kinks, even if they are related to you. Repeat that to yourself as needed.

That being said, if there is just one or two hostile people and there will be dozen or more other people, consider if you can go and simply avoid the hostile people. Some families and gatherings allow for that.

What you tell people, how, and when, is up to you. If you're not ready to come out to the people you'd be spending time with, you shouldn't have to. Or, if you think coming out now to one, more, or all of the people who will be there would be best, you'll need to prepare yourself for emotionally for that.

As far as making a move, if there is a person or people likely to be there you want to "get closer to," whether relatives or family friends, plan ahead for the possibilities. Will there be a way to get them alone? Would it be good to get things in motion ahead of time through texts, messages, video chats, calls, etc.? Or do you want to wait until you're face to face to get things in motion or back into motion, as the situation might be?

Plan ahead and make the most of the season. What that means is up to you. For some of you, it will be making plans with friends and "found family" or your partner(s) and their families. Others will make the most of their opportunities by going "home." Plans can change, and that's fine. But do consider what you might want to do.

If you need someone to talk with or to give you feedback about your plans, or you just want to say hello to Keith, you can do so, as always, by emailing fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or message him on Wire at fullmarriageequality or on Facebook.

You can also comment with your thoughts, plans, or past experiences below.

Confidential to Leo

Oops!

I just checked the “sp-m” comments and saw multiple comments from Leo Aspen in there, which Blogger must have put there by mistake

I’ll check for legit comments from Leo and others, and see what I can do about this.

My apologies.

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #3

“Not a lot of people want to do it” or “I don’t want to do it.” This is not a justification for keeping something illegal. If anything, it is a reason laws against consensual adult relationships are wasteful and unnecessary. But we don’t deny minorities rights based on majority vote. Also, people would be surprised to know just how many people around them are in, or want to be in, or have been in, a relationship that is currently illegal or otherwise discriminated against.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/discredited-invalid-arguments.html


Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #2

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #4

Innocent Bystanders Hurt by the Closet

Leo Aspen, who leaves thoughtful comments here from time to time, left a comment worthy of being highlighted as a post. I will redact certain words because I don’t want them published on the blog, even as comments, because I want this blog to be as “safe for work” as a blog with this subject matter can be.

Leo’s thoughts are his. I’m simply sharing them.

Here’s is what Leo shared…

*****

I read a post on Reddit today:
https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/1ovarir/triggered_today_by_tiktok/ which I cite below.

It touches on two of the most painful topics of human relationships - "incest"/consanguinamory and infidelity.

Of course, on the r/survivinginfidelity sub, everyone quite rightly curses OP's husband for infidelity, and "incest" with his sister serves as an additional fuel and "aggravating circumstance." Redditors also relish the fact that almost all of his family are habitual cheaters, that is, "the apple doesn't fall far from the apple tree."

Can we say something in defense of this incestuous couple, given that our community supports consanguinamory?

There seems to be only one argument: if society, the state, and religion had been tolerant of sexually romantic relationships between blood relatives, then most likely the OP's husband would never have married her, and the brother and sister would have been able to live as a "normal couple."

But this is a very weak, ambiguous excuse based on the obviously unacceptable "if something had happened" defense argument.

The brother and sister had several honest ways to be together. A brother might not have married an OP, knowing that he loved his sister.

If their feelings had flared up after the wedding he could have divorced his wife and only then started cohabiting with his sister.

Or, by staying married for the sake of children, he and she might not cross the line. And in these cases, our sympathies would be unconditionally on their side. 

But they preferred a dirty affair rather than a decent, morally justified relationship. And with their irresponsible behavior, they destroyed 2 families causing irreparable damage to the children.

But these siblings have also done great damage to the goals of Full Marriage Equality by linking the concepts of "incest" and "infidelity" together in the minds of many people. "Look, they say, everyone who has had sexual relations with relatives has proved once again that they are trash." And we won't be able to prove these people wrong.

Incest/consanguinamy, like any sexually romantic relationship between unrelated people, should be ethical and should not cause moral or physical harm to third parties. Only in this case do we have a chance that society will someday be tolerant of any sexual identification and the free choice of any sexual partner(s) by any person.

[Below is what Leo found on Reddit]
.............................................................................
u/Smart-Cod4884

Triggered today by tiktok
Need Support
So f—-info broken today and trying not to lose my s—- in front of my kids.

Saw a post today that said "my lacy is my boyfriends sister" which from what I gathered its someone that you envy to the point of hating them bc they have everything you could ever want. One of the top comments said "at least she cant steal your man"

My husband's sister is my lacy and she did steal my man. My husband cheated on me with his own sister. What the f—- did I do to deserve that. It has been so incredibly hard trying to work through this. I trusted him. I trusted her. She was in our wedding. I didnt get the option. I wouldnt have married him. I would've cut my losses and moved far far away. I didnt find out until I was 30 weeks pregnant with our second child, 4 years into them sleeping together. Every time we went to any family event they were sneaking away. While I was in the same house. While our child was in the same house.
.....................................................................

*****

Thank you for your thoughtful analysis, Leo, and sharing that perspective from the “unwitting beard.”

Cheating is never ideal. I do agree, Leo, that with relationship rights for all, situations like these would be less likely to happen.

I’ve heard from people who’ve been cheated on because their spouse has entered into additional bonds with at least one close relative. I’ve heard from many more people who are the person cheating with at least one close relative.

I welcome the perspectives from all of them because the more we understand what’s happening and why, the better.

We need to ensure laws and larger society affirm that people will have diverse relationships, and that also includes ending relationships or not entering into sexual or romantic or partner relationships at all. Oppression, discrimination, bigotry, prejudice, bullying, criminalization… trying to force everyone into some narrow, heterosexual, monogamous, intraracial (that’s same race), non-consanguineous construct causes all sorts of problems.

For anyone who needs to talk more about these things, Keith can be reached on Wire messaging at fullmarriageequality and via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #2

“It goes against tradition.” So did the abolition of slavery. In reality, (adult) intergenerational, interracial marriages, same-gender marriages, polygamous or polyamorous marriages, and consanguineous marriages are nothing new. Some of these were entered into by prominent religious leaders and historical royalty. Regardless, a tradition of inequality is not a justification for continuing to deny equality.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/discredited-invalid-arguments.html

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #1

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #3 

Veterans Day

November 11 is usually the Veterans Day holiday in the US.

I can’t help but think of the people who risked their lives (and those who gave them) and endured so many things in service to their country, who weren’t and haven’t been free to be who they really are and share their lives openly with the person or persons they love.

Recent years have brought progress, and we have to fight to keep what we've gained while still looking for more progress. Problematic laws and policies remain, and, of course, LGBTQ+ people, the nonmonogamous and polyamorous, and consanguinamorous still endure the the threat of prosecution, persecution, or discrimination.

Shouldn’t someone who risked their life for this country be able to marry more than one person, or a biological relative? Or at least share a life with the person(s) they love without a fear that their own government will be against them? Is bravery and valor negated if a man loves more than one woman, or his long lost sister? Shouldn’t a woman who served be free to marry both of the women she loves?

Let’s thank our veterans, some of whom were drafted into service, especially those who are still being treated as second class citizens.

Answering Arguments Against Polyamory

People who insist monogamy is the only acceptable relationship model, or that polyamorists should not have the same rights for their relationships as monogamists, almost always cite a few often-repeated reasons as to why. If you're polyamorous, you’ve probably heard most of these reasons, whether from coworkers, family, or complete strangers. Although I’m going to focus on polyamorous relationships, most of these are also applicable to open relationships, swinging, swapping, nonmonogamous sex, and ethical nonmonogamy in general whether the people involved identify as polyamorous or not.

Just about any objection people have to polyamory or other forms of ethical nonmonogamy fit into these common arguments, perhaps with different wording. Just so that you know, when I use the term “polygamy” I am referring to a subset of polyamory that involves marriage (whether by law, ceremony, or declaration of those involved), involving three or more spouses, whatever the structure of the relationship or the genders involved, as long as all involved are consenting adults.

1. “It is disgusting.” Also known as the “ick” or “eww” factor, this explains why the person using the argument would not want to have a polyamorous relationship, but their own personal disgust is not a justification for preventing other people from having a polyamorous relationship. Some people are disgusted by the idea of heterosexual sex, or their own parents having sex, but obviously this is not a justification to ban those things. Obviously, the consenting adults who want a polyamorous relationship aren’t disgusted by it. An effective response to this is “Don’t want a polyamorous relationship? Don’t have one.”

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is October 31 and it is celebrated widely and diversely here in the US, with some events happening in the weeks before.

Do you have any special plans for Halloween? Have you done or will you do anything fun or interesting this year at a Halloween party or event?

Whatever you do, please be careful and stay safe!

Here in the states, the stores depend on Halloween to sell a lot of merchandise. In typical years, there are parties, costume contests, what amounts to theatre in front of (and inside, sometimes) the homes of people as they try to scare or entertain neighbors and strangers with things ranging from silly to sexy, spooky to gory. In some places, kids (and often parents) in costumes go from door to door collecting candy or other treats.

Many amusement parks, ranging from small to the largest, do special entertainment in the weeks leading up to Halloween, and this is a favorite time of the year for movie studios to release horror movies, and for streamers and broadcasters to show ones from years past.

For some, there are religious or spiritual aspects to the day, and it might be called by other names.

Some interesting things can happen when people are having fun at costume parties, or cuddled up together watching scary movies. Maybe you'll be home with family or other loved ones, watching something good or playing some fun games?

So, as always, feel free to comment or share your plans or stories, including from years past. You can comment anonymously below.

If you think you might want to make your move to add a bond with one or more people, and you need to talk with someone about it, consider reaching out Keith via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or on the Wire messaging app at fullmarriageequality.

Benefits of Increased Consanguineous Affection

Anonymous asked as this blog's sister Tumblr [which no longer exists]…

If you were asked to list the top reason why parents and (grown) sons & daughters should be more intimate with each other, without it turning into a full-blown relationship, what would they be?

Sex is fun.

At least for most people.

Sex in general can have many benefits, but there are some benefits that are increased by, or particular to, consanguineous sex. And by “sex,” I’m being inclusive of what some would call “foreplay.”

Familiarity - Who better to share these experiences with than someone you know, love, and trust?

Love - Sharing and expressing love in more ways.

Proximity - Often you live in the same residence or will be spending time with each other anyway. This is convenient. If you don’t live in the same residence, it can incentivize getting together more often.

Touching - Touch, hugs, embraces, cuddling, massaging… these can be good to do with each other, and you can do more if you’re not avoiding certain areas of the body.

Exercise - Sex is good exercise.

Strengthening Muscles

Stress and Tension Relief

Motivation - “We will celebrate with oral sex if you get this done.”

Orgasms - Many people who’ve engaged in consanguinamory say that they have more intense orgasms and more orgasms over all. But you’re definitely going to have more orgasms than if you’re not having sex at all and not masturbating because you’re around family. If your family is open, encouraging, and assisting with masturbation and sex, you can have more just from that alone.

Bonding - This adds and strengthens bonds within the family.

Peace - It can encourage peace instead of bickering between family members.

Knowing - Getting to know your family members better.

Gift - It can be doing something nice for your family members, and/or a gift to yourself.

Learning - Learning about your own body, learning about bodies; learning techniques, positions, and variations; learning how to effectively use condoms, toys, and other aids.

Practice - Practicing what you’ve learned.

Experience - Experimenting in a safe space. You might not ever have done a particular thing with someone else before, and might not ever do it with someone outside of the family. For example, a heterosexual man touching his brother’s erection, or a lesbian doing the same.

New to This Blog or Looking to Find Out More?

We support the rights of an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, to share love, sex, kink, residence, and marriage (and any other union offered by law), and any of those things without the others, with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. These are basic human rights under a system of gender equality and it shouldn't matter who is disgusted by the relationships of other adults or who doesn't understand why the adults would want to be together. Inherent in these rights is the right to NOT be in a relationship, NOT to marry, and to divorce or leave a relationship.

If you're viewing the desktop/laptop version, you'll see that over there in the column on the right you can find ways to connect and to follow this blog, and at the top of the page are tabs with drop-downs of some important pages, entries, and links. If you're viewing a mobile version, many of the links are below.

You are welcomed and affirmed here regardless of your gender, sexuality, or relationship diversities, and whether you are looking for more information, are in the closet or out about your gender, sexual orientation, or relationship, or want to be an ally. Are you here because of polyamory or polygamy? Perhaps you're here because this blog covers Genetic Sexual Attraction or consanguinamory (consensual incest) or because you think or know your partner has been involved? Do you need help? Whether you're a family member or friend who is looking for more information, or a journalist, or are someone who is looking to help the cause, we hope you are helped by what is here.

There's an About This Blog page, and you can read about the triad who originally inspired this blog.

There's a Glossary so that you can become familiar with terms frequently used here.

We explain why we need solidarity in supporting full marriage equality and we debunk all the arguments that you'll ever hear made against equality, so if you're against equal rights, please carefully read through that page.

On the Case Studies page we feature interviews with people who have been denied their rights, so you can "meet" people who are, or have been, in consensual loving relationships who have are harmed by the lack of equality under the law.

This blog is a labor of love. There's no advertising and we don't accept monetary contributions. Want to help? Spread the word. If you are a lawyer, attorney, or someone who works with a legal group or law firm, we'd like to hear from you if you are supportive. Also, this blog DOES accept content submissions (Keith can be contacted at... fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com), but makes no offer, implicit nor explicit, of compensation nor guarantees that it will be used. If you want to tell your story, that would be very helpful to others!

Tell us what you think by commenting or by contacting us.

Join our Facebook group "I Support Full Marriage Equality."

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If you don't want to connect, still feel free to send Keith a note at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

Myths about Genetic Sexual Attraction
Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory
Bad Reasons to Deny Love
Ten Reasons Why Consensual Incest is Wrong (Sarcastic)