Consanguinamory FAQ

I have a page here (see those tabs up at the top?) to answer frequently asked questions about consanguinamory and other forms of consensual incest and consanguineous sex.

Feel free to submit more questions to me (I take comments), link to the page, quote from the page, copy and paste... whatever... just as long as you tell people where you got it (link to me.)

These Are the People in Your Neighborhood

At debriefdaily.com, Kathleen Lewis tells us that she has two husbands, two wives, and it isn't kinky.

I was first introduced to such alternative relationships in college when a female friend of mine and I knowingly decided to share the same boyfriend. No, not a threesome, just going out with the same guy.

It was partially a matter of convenience, and partially the fact that we were close friends. We both liked him very much, didn’t want to fight over him, and he wasn’t anxious to choose between us.

Regardless of gender, if two people want to be with (dating, living with, or married to) the same person, shouldn't that be up to them if they're all consenting adults?

She goes on to write about how she married someone called Alan, and about a year and a half after getting married, they met Eric.

He and I were instantly attracted to each other and, as Alan had no objection, we began getting to know each other better.

Over time, I found myself falling in love with Eric. Alan certainly wasn’t blind to this, so we all got together to discuss it. This turned out to be one of the most important conversations of my life, and led to an increase in my family.

Alan and Eric let me make the sleeping arrangements, and I worked to make sure I spent time with both of them.

To all outward appearances we were a married couple with a male friend living with us.

There are people who fall apart when they hear about such relationships, but as long as this is what those involved wanted, what's the problem?

Fast forward to today, and our family is now composed of Alan, Eric, Leslie, Amber, and myself, plus our four children, and Amber is currently pregnant.

Eric and Leslie are legally married, and we’ve added a few rooms to the house. We have two family meetings a week, one of which is for adults only, both of which can get lively and loud. We’ve had our arguments over money, people monopolising other people’s time, dealing with children’s issues, and so forth like any other family – but we just have more voices in the discussion.

She writes a bit about finances, childcare, housekeeping, and cooking.

Our respective families are aware that Alan and I are married, that Eric and Leslie are married, and that Amber is living with us.

If they are suspicious of anything else, they’ve never mentioned it. Fascinating how people avoid asking uncomfortable questions.

Often, surrounding family that might not understand or be thrilled with a relationship or relationships prefers to leave things unsaid. They might get upset when someone actively and explicitly comes out, or they might realize that things will be better off with the relationship being openly acknowledged. While warm and loving support is best, as long as the families aren't hostile or destructive, that's a good thing. Everyone must decide for themselves whether or not to come out, how to come out, and to whom to come out. My personal opinion is that sometimes, even when you want to shout from the rooftops how much you love someone, the best option for the time being is to leave things unsaid if the surrounding families aren't asking the obvious questions.

She goes on to write about polygyny as depicted in Big Love and how that is very different from the family of which she's a member. As I frequently say, polyamorous people are diverse and polyamory can be found in many forms.

Debunking Common Myths About Polyamory

The profile of polyamory is rising, which is generally a good thing, but it does mean more people are going to have questions and some myths are more likely to be spread. Allegra addressed some "Common Myths About Polyamory" at the feroniaproject.org. These myths include "It's all about the sex" and...

Everyone who’s poly is kinky. Definitely not. There can often be a lot of crossover between people who are into different kinks and the poly community, and since a number of people who are ‘publicly’ kinky are often also poly, it can start to look that way. But there are a lot of poly people who are very happy with ‘vanilla’ sex, they just don’t want to limit that to one monogamous relationship.

Yes, there are poly people whose sex lives are quite vanilla and "ordinary," the only difference being that one evening might be spent with one person and another evening with the other person. It's one-on-one sex each time, and quite vanilla. But yes, for others, there is much overlap with, for example, BDSM circles, or there are evenings with threesomes or moresomes.

‘Anything with a pulse.’ Sometimes this gets tied into #1 – there’s an idea that people who are polyamorous are indiscriminate, and will sleep with anyone, anywhere, anytime. Poly people and non-poly people both experience desire for a variety of folks, it’s just that in a polyamorous relationship, there are a number of ways in which it’s possible to act on that desire. However, that doesn’t mean that poly people are dealing with a bottomless pool of need or want.

Bisexuals and pansexuals get this all of the time, too. Some bisexuals and pansexuals are monogamous and have very high/narrow standards, but some ignorant people think they'll have sex with anyone. Same goes for poly people, whatever their orientation. Click through to get the response to "It's just a nicer way for people to be able to cheat on their partner" and "Polyamorous relationships are all short-term / they just don't work," as well as some good sources of information. One myth not addressed is the idea that polyamory is tied to any specific religion, faith tradition, or spiritual philosophy. It just isn't so. As with monogamists, you will find polyamorists who are Atheists, Agnostics, Freethinkers, Secular Humanists, Deists, Theists of all sorts, Wiccans, Buddhists, Pantheists, Satanists, on and on and on it goes. We are your neighbors, your coworkers, and in your temples, synagogues, and churches. Poly people should not have to hide, whether they are filling out paperwork at the office or for their schoolchildren, whether they are going out for a night on the town or attending a child's dance recital. They should be free to marry, free to form whatever civil unions or domestic partnerships are available to others, and free to live together without a registered relationship.

Blog Recommendations

We're still basking in the glow of the historic U.S. Supreme Court ruling of 6/26.

There are so many people celebrating and getting married, there has been so much talk about changing remaining laws that discriminate against or fail to protect LGBT people, and there has been so much talk about the polyamorous freedom to marry and the consanguinamorous freedom to marry and moving towards full marriage equality that taking in all of the news has proved difficult.

A good place to keep up polyamory in the news is a blog called, appropriately enough Polyamory in the News. I highly recommend following that blog if you are polyamorous or an ally.

And, if you like this blog (Full Marriage Equality) you should definitely follow The Final Manifesto.

Stay tuned here as well, as we will continue to update and plan to have a full analysis soon of the Court decision and what's next. If you haven't don't so already, have a look around this blog for some of the pages and past postings you might not have seen before.

Stepsiblings, Siblings, and Fiction

If you've been paying attention to the fiction market, especially romance novels or erotica, it would be very difficult to miss the popularity of writings and fantasies of women with their stepbrothers.


For some, fantasy is just fantasy. They've never had a stepbrother or have no actual attraction to him, or if they did, wouldn't act on it. Others have acted on it.

What keeps many (not all) blood siblings from erotic, romantic, or even recreational interaction is something that has been described as the Westermarck Effect. This effect would usually apply to stepsiblings as well, provided they were raised together from a very early age, such as before the age of seven. Not everyone experiences the Westermarck Effect, however, and people who become stepsiblings or potential stepsiblings after the onset of puberty aren't likely to experience such an effect. They may or may not be attracted to each other just as they may or may not be attracted to any other person, but if there is any mutual attraction, they often have the added factors of proximity, privacy, convenience, etc. As for genetic siblings who weren't raised together, they are somewhat likely to experience an intense attraction (there's as much as a 50% chance that at least one of them will have a strong attraction, provided the genders and sexual orientations align.)


PLEASE NOTE THAT MANY OF THE LINKS BELOW MAY BE CONSIDERED "NOT SAFE FOR WORK."

Welcome Michael Brown Readers

Since the anti-equality conservative Christian columnist has linked here, I thought I would point out to you that he didn't bother to actually argue against full marriage equality other than making it clear her prefers to restrict marriage to monogamous heterosexual couples. But his wish is not an argument.

I invite you to learn something helpful.

Over there in the column on the right you can find ways to connect and to follow this blog.

There at the top of the page are tabs with drop-downs of some important pages, entries, and links.

There's a Welcome message and there's an About This Blog page, and you can read about the triad that originally inspired this blog.

There's a Glossary so that you can become familiar with terms frequently used here.

I explain why we need solidarity in supporting full marriage equality and I debunk all the arguments that you'll ever hear made against equality.

On the Case Studies page I feature interviews with people who have been denied their rights, so you can "meet" people who are, or have been, in consensual loving relationships who have are harmed by the lack of equality under the law.

Want to know more about polyamory or polygamy?

Want to know more about Genetic Sexual Attraction or consanguinamory (consensual incest)?

Maybe you or someone you know needs help, especially because of people like Brown?


Whether you're a family member or friend who is looking for more information, or a journalist, or are someone who is looking to help the cause, I hope you are helped by what is here.

This blog is a labor of love. There's no advertising and we don't accept monetary contributions. Want to help? Spread the word.

Please note that while we welcome serious disagreement, hateful or NSFW comments will not be published, or at least not published without some editing. Also, please note that every minute or bit of money you spend trying to prevent consenting adults from loving each other how they mutually agree is money and time you no longer have to fight child abuse. Please consider your priorities.

We Get Haters

We get comments and messages from lover and allies thankful for what we're doing here.

Every once in a while, we get some haters, too.


We accept comments disagreeing with equality, but we don't publish comments that are nothing but hate or have words not allowed on broadcast television or radio during most hours by the US Federal Communications Commission. The FCC doesn't care if those words are used here, but we want to keep the content and discourse here as Safe For Work as possible.

An anti-equality columnist linked here, and maybe it is just coincidence, but we got a string of hateful comments, probably from the same sad, angry person bitter that equality is winning, who spent quite a while reading through different posts here, apparently. Most of the comments didn't meet our standards as they were written, but I'll include some of them below, with certain offending words redacted.

Don't bother to keep reading this entry if you're not in the mood for such putrid ignorance. I find it encouraging that the anti-equality holdouts have no effective arguments. It tells me we're going to win sooner rather than later.

Update on Lovers Denied Their Rights

In September 2014, we ran this interview with a consanguinamorous couple expecting a child. They recently agreed to an update of how they're doing. Read their initial interview so that you'll understand what's going on with this update.


*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Our previous interview was published in September, when you were pregnant. How was the pregnancy?

Jenna: It was good. There were no problems during the pregnancy. I gave birth in November.


FME: How was the delivery?

Jenna: Very painful, but I’d do it again.

Casting Call for Cousins

Working with the media can be great (like when it gets our message out in a positive way) or bad (like when people are wrongly portrayed in a negative light. So, I always urge caution in working with the media, but I do want to see our positive message get out to more people.

Here's a casting call for all of you cousins who are in consaguinamorous relationships.

True Life: I’m Dating / Marrying My Cousin

They say you can’t help who you love. So what do you do when the person you’ve fallen in love with happens to be your own cousin? People talk about supporting the right to love and marry whoever they want…but despite all that talk, do you still feel like you and your cousin have to hide your feelings for each other? Are you afraid of being judged? In many cultures it’s common, and it’s even perfectly legal in some states…so why do you have to live in shame? Love is complicated and the love you’ve found may not be “acceptable” by some people’s standards. But it’s time to speak out and be heard. Are you in love with your cousin? Are you married, engaged, or thinking about getting engaged? Let your love be stronger than their judgment. This is your chance to help the world understand, and we want to hear your story.
Email mtvtruelifestories@gmail.com

If you pursue this, please be mindful of how you represent consanguineous relationships. It is also important to remember that there are a few US states in which people can be criminally prosecuted for consensual sex with their first cousin, even though half of US states will marry first cousins.

We Will Keep Speaking Up For Rights

The U.S. took a big step forward with the nationwide limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry.

And Mexico, we saw what you did, too.

There is still so much to do in North America and around the world.

We will keep working, because every adult, regardless of their gender, sexuality, or relationships with other consenting adults should be free to live, work, love, and play without having to hide who they are or their relationships. Every adult should be free to live and to share love, sex, residence, and partnerships/unions/marriage (and any of those without the others) with any & all consenting adults, without fearing prosecution, persecution, bullying, harassment, or discrimination.

We will keep working to repeal and overturn the discriminatory laws, replacing them with protections, and change the stigmas, prejudices, and bigotries.

We will keep working to protect our youth and anyone who is curious or questioning or transitioning and to let them know they’re not alone and it gets better.

Whether you want to marry, want a divorce, or never want to marry; whether you are gay, lesbian, hetero, bisexual, pansexual, or another orientation; whether you are cis, trans, fluid, intersex, or any other identity; whether you are asexual, aromatic, demi, swingers, monogamous, polyamorous, dominant, submissive, in an interracial or consanguinamorous relationship, or however you identify or love or play, we’ve got your back.

Let’s keep the momentum going. Let’s make sure it gets a lot better sooner rather than later.

Thank you for all you do for the rights of all.



Have you joined the Facebook group yet? Join "I Support Full Marriage Equality."


Are we Facebook friends? I want to be friends with all who support full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults. Here I am.

Are we connected on Twitter? Here I am.

Are we connected on Tumblr? Here I am.

If you don't want to connect, still feel free to send me a note. I can be reached at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com

Throwing Polyamorous People Under the Bus

Jonathan Rauch, for some reason I don't know, has a piece at politico.com throwing polyamorous people who want to marry under the bus.

Opposing the legalization of plural marriage should not be my burden, because gay marriage and polygamy are opposites, not equivalents.

Huh? They are both part of full marriage equality.

By allowing high-status men to hoard wives at the expense of lower-status men, polygamy withdraws the opportunity to marry from people who now have it;

Oh, wow. OK, he's using "plural marriage" and "polygamy" interchangeably, and limiting both to polygyny. He's also invoking Discredited Argument #16. This is about consenting adults. If three women want to marry the same man and agree to all be married to the same man, why does Rauch want to force two of them to marry another man? Also, polygyny is just one form of polygamy. Polyamorous relationships are diverse.

same-sex marriage, by contrast, extends the opportunity to marry to people who now lack it.

Hooray for the same-gender freedom to marry! I've seen many polyamorous people express the  same. So why is Rauch trying to deny polyamorous people the polyamorous freedom to marry? Why write a piece like this? He's going to look rather silly when he wakes up on the wrong side of history.