Not Too Close For Comfort

A comment came in on our popular entry "Aunts and Nephews"...

I'm currently in an active sexual relationship with my nephew. We aren't blood or marriage related. His mom and I are best friends and I helped raise him. The last time I saw him he was 11, we reunited now that he's 18 approaching 19. I'm 34. The attraction was instant and mutual. I feel like I am betraying my friend however, the amount of enjoyment and satisfaction I get from this guy is worth the risk. I think she suspects we're intimate but there's no proof. Her boyfriend is quite jealous that I don't look in his direction and tried to out nephew and I... Good luck, we both deny until we die! I don't want to stop, and neither does he. Any thoughts?

It's time to write a long-overdue essay on "fauxcest" or "nearcest" of whatever else this can be called. So that's below. But first, let's answer the questions raised Anonymous.

1) You two are consenting adults. You should be free to have this relationship. There's nothing wrong with having this relationship.

2) "I feel like I am betraying my friend..." This is not a rational reaction. It is a feeling that is based in prejudices and faulty reasoning. Your "nephew" would certainly be sexually active with someone, whether his mother is comfortable with that thought or not. Why is it is a bad thing that is with someone who already knows and cares about him? Sex isn't a bad thing, unless you are doing it wrong.

Someone might say to you "He's young enough to be your son" or to him "She's old enough to be your mother." But so what? Someone might go a step further and say he must be harboring a secret desire for his mother and you for your son (if you have one). That may or may not be true, but even if true, neither of you would find any scolding from us. It is very common for people to find someone who is like one of their parents or siblings, for example.

There's a chance your relationship will be outed (some of this advice might be helpful). And, it is likely that if that happens, your friend will be very upset with you. She might try to attribute her anger to the secrecy, but that would most likely just be an excuse. Neither of you is under any obligation to tell her the details of your sex life. If she finds out and is angry, give her time to cool off. You can tell her you understand her feelings without denying your entitlement to your love life. Many parents get upset at the thought of their child (even though their child is an adult) having sex. Some people get upset that someone they know is having sex  with someone to whom they're related. Neither reaction is based on logic, but rather things like aversion to change, feeling old, and even envy.

After she cools  off, she might realize that it can be a better thing that her son is with someone who has already known and cared for him. Some of this applies.


Enjoy what you have. There's no reason you shouldn't. Goodness knows there are many people out there who are miserable in a relationship or lonely. Why deprive anyone, especially yourself, of happiness?

Aunts and Nephews

More days than not, someone finds this blog by doing a search on something like...

incest, aunt nephew, how common
or
Is it incest to have sex with your aunt
or
Do aunts and nephews have sex
or
I’m in love with my aunt
or
Can an aunt marry her nephew

You get the idea. People are searching for information on aunts and nephews having a romantic or erotic connection or marrying. At least some of them are very likely to be aunts who are having sex or want to have sex with a nephew and vice-versa. It is a not-so-distant runner-up to searches about siblings having sex or marrying. Keep in mind that much of this entry also applies to aunts and nieces, and to uncles and nieces and uncles and nephews. [UPDATE: A nephew responded to this entry by asking if he and his aunt could still get in trouble.]

An Aunt Tells Us of Her Love For Her Nephew

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. As this interview is being published, there are many people still spending more time home with family members. Perhaps some of them will find this interview an inspiration? Or they can see this for some possibilities.

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out if the closet or they’ll gave prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The woman interviewed below should be free to legally marry her partner, or simply to be together as a couple without having to hide, yet they can’t. Prejudice can be deadly. They are consenting adults who aren’t hurting anyone; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say about the additional bond she has. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label?

**WARNING: Mild descriptions of sex are included.**

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Anu: I am a human resources professional in a large multinational corporation in Kolkata, India. I am a 43 years-old, heterosexual, liberal-minded person. I am a divorcee for over five years and stay with my only son who is about 14. I do try to maintain myself well at this age, although some might call me a bit bulky. I am 5'3", about 60 kilograms in weight, have medium length hair. I have one elder sister and an elder brother.

I like to cook, do photography and enjoy traveling. I prefer wearing western attire more than the traditional Indian attire.

I had a wonderful childhood with most of my needs taken care of, although by no means it was luxurious. I like to work hard and I think I have two sides of me, one which is very docile with my family and another very dominating one at my work. My near families are all close to me and I like doing things for most of my near ones. I live in a large apartment complex with my son. My sister’s family, too, stays in the same complex but in a different apartment. We have a very strong relationship between the two families.

We Get Letters

Every once in a while we feature some of the correspondence we've received. We will never publish private information in which you are identified unless you give us permission. There are many ways to contact Keith, and of course you can comment on entries of this blog, including anonymously. 

These are from comments that were left on this blog. Only one has a "name" chosen by the person commenting. The rest are simply anonymous. 

This was left after an entry about how "incest" can be consensual and positive.

I was in a sexual relationship with my sister for six years through high school and starting college.

Sounds lovely!

It ended when my mother walked in on us. She was outraged and told us we had to stop or she would cut ties with us. She also forced us to keep it a secret.

That's too bad. The secrecy could have been for your own protection, but threatening you was a terrible thing to do.

We are also now both married (to other people) but meet up for time together when we can. I have never felt passion for a woman like I have for my beautiful sister, and it pains me that society forces us to be apart and to hide our relationship from the world and our family.

It's ridiculous that anyone would have to hide their love.

In a modern world, with birth control, there is no need for these antiquated ideals.

With genetic screening and modern science, we're in a much better situation than the past.

I have never talked about this before - with anyone - and it feels truly incredible to share it. Even if it has to be anonymously.

That's one of the great things about this blog. People can share! You won't get judged. We celebrate the beauty of consanguineous love.

When "Incest" is Consanguinamory - a Consensual, Positive Experience

[This is a popular entry from a few years ago, being bumped up because it is still relevant.]

There are people who would have everyone believe that there are no happy consanguinamorous relationships. That romance or eroticism with a close biological relative can only be a bad experience. Over at PFI [a site that doesn't exist anymore... go to Kindred Spirits for an existing place to talk], one discussion participant asked a question and answered it first…

If you could go back in time to where it all started and have the knowledge you do now about what lay ahead of you in this thing called incest, would you still go through with it ??

i've thought about it many times, and the answer i come up is yes i would, sure there are many tears and hard times you go through, but for me the good has always outweighed the bad, life is what you make of it, and we've made a very good life for ourselves....

The first response…

When An Older Partner Struggles Emotionally

There's this "ideal" that's perpetrated by what I'd call the relationship police of a man and a woman of the same race, background, and age, or maybe with the man being a couple of years older, marrying, staying monogamous, staying sexually active with each other, raising their two joint children (the only children they ever have) together, then happily growing old together and dying within a few years of each other.

This does happen.

It is not the life story of most people, though. It isn't even necessarily what most people want for themselves.

Some people are gay.
Some people don't want to get married.
Some people don't want children or can't have them.
Some people want more children.
Some people prefer an older lover.
Some people prefer a younger lover.
Some people prefer someone of a different race.
Some people are polyamorous.
Some people have open marriages.
Some people get married more than once.
Some people are asexual.
Some people die well before reaching the average life expectancy.

The variations are almost endless.

Optimistically, the divorce rate for first marriages is as low as 30 percent. Additional marriages have a higher rate of divorce. Some people don't divorce, but their marriage is not a happy, functional one. Those are just the ones who make it to marriage. There are relationships that last for years, and might involve living together, major joint purchases, and children, but they have a breakup rate much higher than first marriages. And then there are the people struggling to even get a relationship going.

I don't write this to be depressing.

I write this to point out that if lovers...

1) are mutually attracted
2) treat each other right
3) don't have major goals in conflict and are otherwise broadly compatible

...they have hit paydirt. Paydirt isn't so easy to find.

Searches That Bring People Here

Below are some searches that have brought people to this blog recently. Searches are often written as questions. If you have questions, you can always submit them by commenting below (you can comment anonymously, if you'd like). You can also email questions to fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

We also get a lot of searches for questions directly answered by entries in our FAQ tag. But let's take a look at some of the search phrases and see if we can share some helpful information.

do sisters experiment with each other

Yes. Sisters do experiment and explore with each other. Some do it while young, some of them never stop, and some start later in life. Some sisters go on to have spousal style relationships with each other. It is very common for sisters to experiment with each other while young if they are close in age.

If you are a sister experimenting with your sister, know that you're not alone. This has gone on for literally all of human history and you know others who are doing the same.

can dr. find out mom is incest pregnant

DNA tests are possible, and from those tests, it may be possible to determine if the pregnant person conceived with a close relative; especially if your mom's DNA is also tested. Some of the tests carry medical risks and a pregnant woman can decline them. Medical privacy laws might be overtaken by "mandatory reporting" laws in a specific location, so if you are where sex is illegal between you, don't admit to engaging in such affection.

If you are looking forward to a baby, congratulations to you. Most children born to close relatives are healthy. I'd welcome an email from you.

adult siblings arouse each other

This is much more common than people think. Intentional or not, sometimes siblings arouse each other.

us supreme court rules brother sister marriage

Unfortunately, this is not yet a real story. It was something that made some ripples, but it isn't real. Not yet.

Can step siblings marry

Laws vary from place to place, but in general, I do believe the answer is yes. It is very important to know who stepsiblings are. If "Person A" has a parent who has married the parent - who isn't Person A's parent - of "Person B," Person A and Person B are stepsiblings. This is not to be confused with half siblings, who share a genetic parent.

If you want to marry your stepsibling, congrats on your love and we wish you the best. Please feel free to get in contact.

playing doctor with brother or sister

This is very, very common. It isn't necessarily a sign that there is a problem, as long as no coercion or injury is involved. Most such siblings aren't consanguinamorous post-puberty, although some are.

people who married their aunts

In the US, "aunt" can formally mean:

1) Your parent's sister
2) Your parent's sibling's spouse

Informally, she can be:

3) a more distant relative, or a friend of your parents or family.

Where someone can only be married to one person at a time, number 2 is not possible unless there has been a divorce or death Most US states have laws against number 1. There's no law, but often prejudices, against number 3. However, involvement with an aunt is common enough that everyone knows someone who is or has been. If you've found happiness with your aunt, good for you! It would be great to hear from you via email.

middle age mom in love with her brother

This does happen. Whether it's been an enduring state or a recent development, there are middle aged mothers in love with a brother. Sometimes, after someone has been through relationships and even marriages, they realize that the person they want most is their own sibling. There are also "reunion GSA" situations in which a long-lost (half) sibling is discovered. Being in love is very common in such situations.

If you're in or know about such a situation, I'd welcome contact from you.

mature siblings incest

You're never too old to enjoy consanguineous affection if you mutually agree, even if you have no history of doing so. Are you involved? Again, your emails are welcome.

are polygamy wives bisexual

Of course there are women in polygamous marriages who are bisexual in orientation. Polygamy means being married to more than one person, regardless of gender. It could be a woman married to a man and a woman. What the person doing that search probably meant was whether or not there are women in traditional, polygynous marriages (meaning, women who are married to the same man) who are also having sex with each other. Many people in traditional polygynous marriages are members of a religion that might officially oppose being LGBTQ, but whether or not that's the case, some of the wives in such marriages are bisexual in orientation. Some might be closeted lesbians. There is sex going on between some of them, and that has always happened.

If you're in such a marriage, please email me to talk about it.

This last one is a bit sexually explicit, so if you don't want to read something sexually explicit, move on!

“Could We Still Get in Trouble?”

A comment by “Thomas” was left on one of our most popular entries, about aunts and nephews.

Me and my aunt have a wonderful relationship. We are best friends, also lovers and have been for quite some time. We live in Connecticut where marriage is illegal but we don't want to get married. Could we still get in trouble for being in a relationship? 

First of all, congratulations on your love. May it increase and endure. Consanguinamory is a beautiful thing.

The short answer, unfortunately, is yes. You could still get in trouble.

However, the odds are in your favor and you can make them even better.

For now, it remains illegal in Connecticut for aunts and their adult nephews to have sex.

But most people in these relationships are never prosecuted.

While most people in these relationships are never even arrested for consanguinamory, the larger problem is that harassment, oppression, and discrimination are enabled by criminalization. Criminalization also prevents things like getting effective counseling and therapy, among so many other things.

There is no good reason you shouldn't be free to be open about your relationship and free to marry. We need full marriage equality nationwide. But until then, you need to be careful. If moving to a country where consanguinamory isn't criminalized, or the states of Rhode Island or New Jersey, makes sense, you might want to do that.

Thomas, we'd love to hear more about your relationship. Know that you or anyone in a similar position can contact me via email at Fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

It's outrageous that consenting adults have to hide that they love each other, but that's where we still are as society. While some other people can be open and honest about their relationships and love lives, you have to be careful. Here are a couple of more links that might help you protect yourself:

How to Pull Off Living Together

Keeping the Closet Door Closed
You may have some advice or tips we haven't thought about, so please share them below in the comments or by email.

Jane's Latest Survey

If you are strongly attracted to one or more close relatives and it's NOT a reunion situation in which you didn't have much contact with them while you were grown up, but rather they've been in your life all along or most of the time, Jane's latest survey is for you. Please take it.

The Royal We

A discussion was underway at theroyalforums.com about "Incestuous Royal Marriages." This blog has noted such things before.
 
Kataryn started off the discussion YEARS ago...

Legally Catherine of Aragon was married incestually because she as widow of one brother married the other after the first hausband's death.

That's not considered incest in most definitions.

But that's just a formality. History has shown that Royal families did not hesitate to form very close bonds between them. While a marriage of cousin and cousin happened quite often, marriages between unles and nieces are rare - but they happened, too.

One example is the marriage of Antoinette Marie of Wuerttemberg to Ernst I. of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. Marie's mother Antoinette of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld was the sister of the groom.

Then there are the three uncle-niece marriages of the Spanish and Austrian Habsburgs:

- Philipp II. married Anna of Austria, the daughter of his sister Marie.

- Archduke Charles II of Austria-Innerösterreich married Maria Anna of Bavaria, daughter of his sister Anna of Austria.

- Philipp IV. married Marianna of Austria, daughter of his sister Maria Anna.

As you can see, the last three uncle-niece-marriages happened in the House of Habsburg between 1550 and 1660 in the direct line leading to Philipp IV. of Spain and his wife Marianna of Austria. Their child is the sad, sick Don Carlos of Schillerian fame...

Not 100 years later, the House of Habsburg ended in the male line. But of course the marriage of Maria Theresia of Austria to Francis Stephan of Lorraine brought new blood into the family..

As I understand it, uncle-niece marriages are allowed in some places in deference to religious traditions.

The French Connection

People in polyamorous relationships are everywhere, as are people in consanguinamorous relationships, though consanguinamorists are more likely to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. And sometimes, people in what amounts to a polyamorous consanguinamorous marriage are willing to be interviewed. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The woman interviewed below should be free to legally marry her spouses, yet they can't, and people in many countries could be harassed, persecuted, imprisoned, and stripped of their children if they were open about their love. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, including all but a couple of US states, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love. Fortunately, in France, they are safe from criminal prosecution.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?


*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background.

Morag: All our family are white British, although now we all live in France to be safe. I am a woman of 52 years, I am a full time mum and housewife, although I occasionally consult with my sister as an experienced pediatrician.

My sister-wife is 51 years old and runs our GP practice.

Our husband and son is 33 years old and is a software engineer for one of the big tech giants.

We Get Letters

We get comments on the blog. Most we publish, a few we do not. The ones we don't publish have usually violated something stated in the instructions on commenting seen immediately above where you can leave your comment after any specific page or entry.

This one wasn't published because of the f-bomb. It was left after this entry.

This article it's a f---ing masterpiece. It shows how stupid are the moralists and it's arguments. In my opinion, the best place where I put the line it's: Consensual and healthy relations between adult persons.

Thanks!

Then there was one that required a little more editing. It was left after this entry.

Since everyone is sharing their stories I will share mine.

[Goes on to say when he was young a female cousin two years older than him played around together but never had intercourse, and that this went on for a year or three.]

Now I am 22 years old. Sometimes when I think of my cousin, this experience pops into my head. Obviously, when I see her nowadays we never talk about it. Everything is normal between us like it never happened. Nothing is awkward and she is a great cousin.

That's good. That sort of thing isn't seen as problematic as when there is some sort of coercion or pressure involved. It is very common for siblings and cousins close in age to experiment while young.

There were also plenty of comments that we did publish. Here are some.

Indiana Sends Lovers to Prison

The US state of Indiana sends consenting adults to prison for having sex, even when asked to reconsider. What a waste of public resources. A ruling from the Indiana Court of Appeals on a consanguinamory case was reported by Dave Stafford at theindianalawyer.com...

A man convicted of incest for a consensual sexual relationship with his biological aunt couldn’t persuade the Indiana Court of Appeals that he was entitled to post-conviction relief.

Emphasis ours. This shouldn't even be a criminal matter. And yet, it was. So it makes sense that someone who has been convicted of such a victimless "crime" would look for any way to overturn that conviction.

The man claimed ineffective assistance of counsel for failing to argue in his defense that the man’s aunt was older than 31.

Kyle Pavan of Elwood was 23 when he was charged in 2007 with the Class C felony, to which he later pleaded guilty and was sentenced to six years in prison, with two years executed on work release and the balance suspended to probation. His probation was revoked in 2014, at which time he filed a PCR petition. His aunt, who was 34 at the time, also was charged and convicted.

A sentence of six years in prison for consensual sex. What a travesty! Don't let this happen to you.

In his PCR petition, Pavan relied on I.C. 35-41-4-2(e) that bars prosecution for incest, child molesting, vicarious sexual gratification, child solicitation or child seduction after the alleged victim reaches age 31. The state said the statute was inapplicable and that the prosecution was timely filed within the general five-year statute of limitations for Class C felonies.

“Pavan’s appellate argument is based on a flawed interpretation” of the statute, Judge Robert Altice wrote for the panel, because he argued his aunt was the victim.

Right. There was no victim, and this shouldn't have been a criminal matter in the first place!

The case is Kyle Pavan v. State of Indiana, 48A02-1512-PC-2125.

Can you imagine sitting up on a bench in robes and sending consenting adults to prison for having sex? Sure, it is better than throwing them off of high buildings, but it is still unjust and a violation of basic human rights.

This man and his aunt were not hurting anyone by being together, and yet both were prosecuted. There's no good reason do deny them there rights.

This needs to be dealt with ASAP. We need to remove any laws that discriminate against consenting adults for their relationships. An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

We Get Letters From Nephews About Lifelong Romance

Anonymous commented on this entry and left us wanting to know more about his consanguinamorous relationship and his life in general. I didn't publish this comment in place because we try to avoid expletives on this blog, since some people already find the content controversial enough.

The following is my two cent's worth on this subject. At about the age of 21, I experimented with a relationship with one of my Mom's sisters to initiate a relationship with her. I was surprised to learn she had just as much interest in dating/loving me.

People get so nervous about making a move, and usually for good reason. But sometimes, they find out the feelings are mutual, or that after thinking about it, the other person realizes they would like to try taking the relationship in a new direction after all. These relationships happen more than people think.

She was 26 years older than I was, but we had such good chemistry together. she was very pretty and so much fun to be with.

Intergenerational relationships can be great. It's a matter of who is involved.

Are Genetic Studies Revealing Consanguinamory is Common?

Someone commenting on this blog linked to this article at nature.com from the European Journal of Human Genetics, to which I only subscribe for the annual swimsuit issue. But seriously, the article is extremely technical. Those of you who are somewhat educated in the sciences, especially Biology in general or genetics in particular, may be able to decipher what's being said, but I think I understand what the Abstract said.

Abstract

Copy neutral segments with allelic homozygosity, also known as regions of homozygosity (ROHs), are frequently identified in cases interrogated by oligonucleotide single-nucleotide polymorphism (oligo-SNP) microarrays. Presence of ROHs may be because of parental relatedness, chromosomal recombination or rearrangements and provides important clues regarding ancestral homozygosity, consanguinity or uniparental disomy. In this study of 14 574 consecutive cases, 832 (6%) were found to harbor one or more ROHs over 10 Mb, of which 651 cases (78%) had multiple ROHs, likely because of identity by descent (IBD), and 181 cases (22%) with ROHs involving a single chromosome. Parental relatedness was predicted to be first degree or closer in 5%, second in 9% and third in 19%. Of the 181 cases, 19 had ROHs for a whole chromosome revealing uniparental isodisomy (isoUPD). In all, 25 cases had significant ROHs involving a single chromosome; 5 cases were molecularly confirmed to have a mixed iso- and heteroUPD15 and 1 case each with segmental UPD9pat and segmental UPD22mat; 17 cases were suspected to have a mixed iso- and heteroUPD including 2 cases with small supernumerary marker and 2 cases with mosaic trisomy. For chromosome 15, 12 (92%) of 13 molecularly studied cases had either Prader–Willi or Angelman syndrome. Autosomal recessive disorders were confirmed in seven of nine cases from eight families because of the finding of suspected gene within a ROH. This study demonstrates that ROHs are much more frequent than previously recognized and often reflect parental relatedness, ascertain autosomal recessive diseases or unravel UPD in many cases.

Taking a closer look...

"Parental relatedness was predicted to be first degree or closer in 5%, second in 9% and third in 19%"

Now, "parental relatedness" being "first degree" means someone's genetic parents were parent and child or full siblings. That's for 5% of the population, or, 1 out of every 20 people.

"Second degree" means uncle and niece, aunt and nephew, grandparent and grandchild or half-siblings. That's 9%, or almost 1 out of every 10 people having such parentage.

"Third degree" means first cousins or some similar distance. That 19%, or nearly 1 out of every 5.

"This study demonstrates that ROHs [regions of homozygosity] are much more frequent than previously recognized and often reflect parental relatedness..."

Unless I'm reading that wrong, these scientists are saying more people in the population have close relatives for parents than previously thought.

It is important to remember that these do not all reflect CONSENSUAL (to be redundant) sex. At least some are, no doubt, the result of rape. Still, the indication is that...

1) A significantly large percentage of the population has genetic parents who are first cousins or closer, and most of them do not have severe genetic problems, or a whole lot more people would have such problems;

2) Even if we only count consensual relationships that are producing children (and we know that many consanguineous relationships don't because either they can't or choose not to), there's a lot of consanguinamory going on out there.

A Unicorn Makes Three

If my recollection is correct, this is the 48th ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The woman interviewed below is cogent and clearly able to consent to her relationship. She should be free to decide whether or not to legally marry. Yet in most states in the US (her country of residence) she could be criminally prosecuted and face other forms of discrimination if the wrong people found out about her relationship. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? Why shouldn't she be free to marry the father of her child?

Read the interview below and see for yourself what he has to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it incredibly sexy, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Cheryl: I'm 44 yrs. old and up until six years. ago I was a devoted housewife. My son and I are from California but we now reside in Rhode Island.


FME: Are you married?

Cheryl: I'm legally divorced but ceremonially married to my son. It was just him and me and we exchanged vows and gave each other rings to symbolize our love.

Another Couple Denied the Freedom to Marry

If my recollection is correct, this is the 44th ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The man interviewed below is college-educated and clearly able to make decisions for himself. He should be free to decide for himself if he should marry another consenting adult. Yet he and his lover face discrimination and prejudice for their love, and must hide the truth from many people. They aren't hurting anyone; why should they have to hide their love and be denied their rights?


Read the interview below and see for yourself what "Steve" has to say. You may think his relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it incredibly sexy, but whatever your reaction, should these lover be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Steve: I am currently a senior in college about to graduate. I attend school and reside in a nice apartment in a major city in the northeastern U.S. My ethnic background is white, being half Italian and half Jewish. I have a medium frame and, overall I’d say I’m pretty average looking. I enjoy sports, having participated in a lot of them throughout high school and college. I come from a middle-class family consisting of my dad, mom and a younger brother.

Dear Abby Gets Letter About Conflicted Love for Aunt

Advice columnist Dear Abby ran a letter from a nephew (I'm assuming the writer is male, since the columnist does) who is with his blood aunt. It is the third letter in today's column.

LOVESICK TEEN IN THE U.K. wrote...

I am under a lot of stress, but the woman I am with doesn't know it. I am 17, and I have been sleeping with my 38-year-old aunty. She's married and has three children. She's my mum's sister. We've slept together seven times and we can't stop doing it. I think I'm in love with her. 

It is important to note that the age of consent in the UK is 16. Unless his aunt was acting as his guardian, this is not an age of consent issue. It may not even be a cheating issue, as for all we know her arrangement with her spouse allows for this. Again, this blog does not support cheating but we can't assume this is cheating as the letter does not say he's worried about the spouse finding out.
Dear Abby's response included...

By having an adulterous and incestuous affair with you -- her nephew and a minor -- your aunt is behaving like a sexual predator.

Not necessarily. Does Dear Abby condemn all polyamory or open relationships? Does she condemn all relationships between 17-year-olds and 38-year-olds where the age of consent is 16? Does she condemn all consanguineous relationships? If she does, on what basis? We aren't told.

If he doesn't want to continue, he shouldn't, and if she is forcing herself on him, that is assault. There are, however, many other people in these situations who are happy, and should not be broadbrushed as being wrong or abused. I always like to get comments, but I would especially like to hear from anyone who has been with their aunt.

We Get Letters

This blog is visited by people all over the planet, and welcomes comments and I also welcome your emails and private messages. Everyone once in a while I publish some of those messages in a blog entry, which is what I’m I’m doing here.

Our entry Frequently Asked Question: How Common is Incest? is consistently the most popular entry. An anonymous hater left this comment, which I didn’t publish…

My God people, you are so sick. I just need to go and vomit now.

Very rarely is a criticism of any substance left.

Helena left a comment after another FAQ response that answers why consanguineous sex is still illegal in many places.

i REALLY wish people would not use the term inbreeding , a child is born of love in a consensual consanguinious relationship and inbreeding makes me feel like the sow on a pig farm LOL

Most children born to close relatives are healthy and look like anyone else. Many of them are better-looking.

After the entry explaining why I prefer the term consanguineous, Anonymous wrote…

We Get Letters

Here's a comment left the other day on a posting from years ago about an aunt-nephew couple who were considering coming out.

I know what you are going through. I have being in love with my nephew since I can remember. I am 39 years of age and he is 41. His dad and I are half brother and sister same dad different mom.
 
When we were teens my parents sent me to spent the summer at his house. That summer we fell in love. But we continue with our separate lives I got married so did he. Over the years we kept in contact and saw each other when ever we could. He is my best friend my soulmate. We are still very much in love but we decided to never say or tell our families. They would never understand our bond.

Wouldn't it have been better for everyone involved if these two were allowed to be together, and if they wanted, to marry? Assuming the people who became their spouses were not informed, it isn't fair to those people just like it isn't fair to the lovers. Adults should be free to love each other, and not be pressured into hiding their love, staying the closet, and taking on beards.

In addition to the comments left on this blog, I get email, too, from people all over the world who are looking for help because of discriminatory laws and prejudices held by their own families. It is heartbreaking that anyone should have to hide because they are adults who love each other.

This is why we need relationship rights, including full marriage equality, for all adults.