More Than Friends

Although it has been over twelve years since series finale episode of Friends aired, it is still being analyzed in ways that are of interest to this blog. If you're not familiar with the show, it revolved around six young adults. Two were brother and sister, and the other four were connected with them through friendships, romance, and as roommates.

Josh Hill provided "The 5 worst moments on Friends" at ew.com...

5. The One Where Ross and Monica Kiss | Season 10, Episode 11
 
If there’s one thing that an objective observer can surmise about the mindset of the Friends writing staff late in the show’s run, it’s that they must have been obsessed with incest. Ross and Monica kissing wasn’t the most aggressive incest storyline, but the fact that it was a throwaway joke that they kissed was pretty lazy, at best.

In the 1970s, studies involving college students revealed that at least 10% of them had already experienced consensual sexual contact with a sibling. It is likely the percentage has increased since, including in the years the characters Ross and Monica would have been living at home and into their early 20s. It would have been entirely realistic if Ross and Monica had a history of experimenting with each other. There are siblings the ages of their characters during the show's run that also experiment and others who are actually in love. Including such scenarios in fiction would be nothing new. Such elements are in the Bible and Greek mythology.

2. The One Where Ross Tries To Bang His Cousin | Season 7, Episode 19

Ross did some pretty lame things over the course of the show’s run, but this might be the worst. Say what you will about things like thinking he was on a break with Rachel to his temper tantrums later on in the series, but trying to have sexual intercourse with his cousin is too far, even for Ross.

I'm not familiar with the plotline, so I infer from this (and nothing else being cited) that Hill's problem is merely the consanguinity of their relationship. That Hill would express such prejudice against this is astounding, given that first cousins can legally marry in about half of US states and only a handful of regressive states criminalize sex between first cousins. Moreover, marriages between first cousins are legal and common in much of the world today, as they have been throughout history.

Like other television shows, sitcoms need to touch upon consanguineous sex and consanguinamorous relationships. It is the right thing to do, because these relationships are part of life and yet are unjustly discriminated against. Are there creatives, producers, and executives with the guts to take this on sooner rather than later?

There is much comedy and drama to be mined from this subject, and it can be done in ways that are enlightening and affirming. Viewers need to see that these experiences and relationships can be positive and beautiful, that there's nothing inherently wrong with them, and that they're common enough that they know people who have been in relationships and situations like these. Representation would be the right thing to do for people who are in such relationships.

A Substantial Video About Consanguinamory

Jane Doe has created a wonderful video with basic information about consanguinamory and Genetic Sexual Attraction. It's over and hour long. If you can't spare your eyes for that long, how about your ears? Listening will give you the essential information. Share this video with anyone who could benefit from it.




Thanks, Jane!

Are You Open-Minded?

Lucy Moore interviewed Brandon Wade, founder of OpenMinded, and it was posted at femalefirst.co.uk. Wade answered the basic question about defining a polyamorous relationship...

The word polyamory itself means multiple loves. Being polyamorous means having multiple relationships-there isn't a central relationship or partner as is seen in open relationships, and some varying levels of commitment can exist. There are also different configurations, where individuals can be involved in different relationships, while others are more interconnected with one of their partners having a relationship with someone else in the constellation or all of them being involved. It can be quite complex.

Yes it can.

Why should we all be more accepting of this lifestyle?

Because if we don't have the right to love other, mutually agreeing adults and to love each other how we mutually agree, what rights do we really have?

Judgement and stigma are among the main culprits that destroy individual identity, and create unsafe environments. When people are able to exercise their preferences openly, it improves overall quality of life and allows society as a whole to progress.

Yes!

Why is there such a stigma surrounding this type of relationship?

It's been stigmatized as a sexual kink or simply "experimenting," because there is not enough information out there about being polyamorous. Many people assume it's a choice and that it's driven by selfishness, when it's the complete opposite.

It's important to remember that a polyamorous relationship isn't necessarily the same thing as an open relationship. Some polyamorous relationships are closed, including some that started that way and will always be that way. Some polyamorous relationships are at least partially open. And many polyamorous people would exclude, say, a married couple in which one or both spouses are free to have casual flings from being classified as polyamorous, but place them under the larger umbrella of ethical nonmongamy, which would include swinging, swapping, or a couple having a sexual threesome every once in a while.

Click through to read all of it.

Glossary Addition: Friend of Lily

[Bumping this up.]

I have made an addition to the Glossary:

Friend of Lily

Someone who is consanguinamorous or has experienced consanguinamory or consanguineous relationships or sex.

Usage: "After she was reunited with her long-lost brother, they fell in love. She loves where the flowers grow. She's a Friend of Lily."

This is a nod to Diane Rinella's character from her new fiction series.

Australia Needs Full Marriage Equality

From the news I've been reading, Australia is considering moving closer to actually treating adults like, well, you know... adults. They need full marriage equality. Here's a recent report from theaustralian.com.au by Jared Owens...

Pauline Hanson will push Malcolm Turnbull for a referendum to hardwire a definition of marriage into the Constitution, warning the approaches advocated by Labor and the Coalition could lead to polygamy and child marriage.

Let consenting adults marry. Simple. I'm not familiar with Australia's Constitution, but here's what I'd like to see in the US Constitution.

The Constitution does not ­define marriage and allows parliament broad scope to decide which relationships are recognised.

However, the One Nation leader wants a “fresh and clear definition” of marriage built into the Constitution, so future parliaments cannot cave into demands to extend marriage rights.

“A plebiscite simply gives the green light for legislative change to include same-sex marriage. However, that legislation could run the risk of being revoked or further altered to pave the way for reducing the marriageable age or the introduction of polygamy,” a party spokesman said.

What would be the problem with three adults being married or one adult being married to two adults?

There's no good reason to deny consenting adults their rights to their relationships.

Game of Polo?

Critics and other journalists who cover movies and television shows seem to love to write about consanguinamory under headlines mentioning "incest," even as they insist that the idea is disturbing or disgusting to them.

Over at decider.com, Meghan O'Keefe wrote about Netflix's Marco Polo.

Game of Thrones gets a lot of flak from critics for its use of sex and nudity and violence to propel its storylines. To be fair, the show’s entire meandering plot is sparked when little Bran Stark stumbles upon twins Jaime and Cersei Lannister doing it “doggy style” in a tower.

Bonus points for working in Game of Thrones. Too bad she never gets Flowers in the Attic in there.

Still, Netflix‘s Marco Polo might have just made Game of Thrones look like the moral equivalent of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood*. In a series of flashbacks, we discover exactly why Ahmad (Mahesh Jadu) is so hellbent on destroying his adoptive father Kublai Khan (Benedict Wong) — and it’s extremely disturbing.

Yes, yes, of course it has to be disturbing.

What follows is considered a spoiler, so if you're watching the show and you're not caught up to Season 2, Episode 5, you are warned.

A Specific Case in Which YOU Can Make a Difference

Two adults are facing criminal sentences for the "crime" of allegedly having private sex with each other. You can make a difference to help them, and hopefully, help others. Jane has the details.

Clearly this is unacceptable and unfair on all concerned. For this reason, this campaign is being launched, and it requires the participation of a large number of people. Below you will find letters and addresses to send them too.

Go to Jane's blog and help! 

UPDATE: There's another way you can help  the people being prosecuted for an alleged, victimless "crime."

Here is a video to share about this.

Spread the word!

Another Example of Why We'll Win

There are some comments I won't publish on this blog because they contain "language" that isn't polite to use. Basically, I want the text of this blog (including the comments) to be passable for broadcast television and radio under (US) Federal Communications Commission guidelines, meaning certain words like the "f" word and the "s" word won't be printed.

Another comment that I couldn't publish under such guidelines was recently left after this entry, answering a very frequently asked question, "Can siblings marry?"

Here it is, with dashes instead of the original letters...

You people are f---ing weirdos... please stay hidden under whatever rock you're hiding in, the world has enough weirdos who are half retarded and have HUGE foreheads... Freaks!!

My apologies to anyone who is offended, especially by the use of the word "retarded."

The ignorance expressed in this comment is all too common. We're not talking about breeding eugenics. We're talking about relationships between consenting adults.

Notice also that the person doesn't provide an argument other than the variation of Discredited Argument #18, but rather spews hate, urging people to stay in the closet.

I have news for this person. Entries like the one on which she or he commented are the most popular entries on this blog. Consanguinamory is common enough that the commenting person no doubt knows at least one person in such a relationship. It could be what brought that hater to this blog in the first place.

There really isn't a good reason as to why consenting adults should be denied their relationship rights, including full marriage equality. That's why we're going to win.

The Road to Equality Has Been Long

We've noted before and will note again how Richard and Mildred Loving helped advance the US towards marriage equality, with their famous Loving v. Virginia court case that struck down bans on the (limited monogamous heterosexual) interracial freedom to marry. At milwaukeecourieronline.com I found this piece by Marian Wright Edelman that includes the letter Mildred wrote to Attorney General Robert Kennedy.

Mr. Loving may not have known how the state would treat legal interracial marriages that had been performed elsewhere, but five weeks after their wedding the newlyweds received a very literal rude awakening. Acting on a “tip,” sheriff’s deputies surrounded their bed with flashlights at 2 a.m. demanding to know why they were there together. Their reply that they were husband and wife made no difference. The Lovings were arrested. Mr. Loving was held in jail overnight while the pregnant Mrs. Loving was forced to stay for several days. Both were charged with cohabitation and violating Virginia’s Racial Integrity Act. Under a plea bargain, in order to avoid a yearlong jail sentence, they were forced to leave the state and were prohibited from returning together for 25 years.

What an outrage!

It's a good thing they won, all the way back in the 1960s. Progress has continued. Let's make sure we get to full marriage equality sooner rather than later, so that an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, is free to marry any and all consenting adults.

Another Example Why Different Words Are Needed

Trigger Warning: SA

How You Can Make a Difference

There's a petition that has a chance to make a difference. [UPDATE: The link was down temporarily but is working again.]

As Jane says...

It doesn’t matter what country you live in you can still take part. It doesn’t matter if you’re consanguinamorous yourself or if you’re an ally who wants to see all consenting adults get equal rights… you should still sign this petition. Despite the official looking form, you DON’T even need to leave your real name, just leave a valid e-mail address, use a throwaway if you want to.

If we’re serious about this movement, and about getting the equal rights we deserve, then we ought to be doing these little things to help ourselves. We have solidarity within the community, but let’s show a little EXTRA solidarity in getting these outrageous laws repealed. It will take just two minutes of your time, and every signature is worth it’s weight in gold. Please share this page with all who may be interested, the more the merrier:)

As a final note, I will say a big thank you to Richard for getting his petition up and running again. I’m sure we will make a bloody good go of getting it signed this time around.

So, to sign it PLEASE CLICK HERE and follow the instructions.

Please, please, please sign it NOW and spread the link to the petition and urge others to sign it. Maybe you don't care about the laws of Scotland, but there are people there who are suffering under current law, and if the law is changed in Scotland, or even if there's just a serious discussion about changing the law, it can happen elsewhere, too.

There is no good reason to criminalize these consensual adult relationships. Please help end the prosecution of people who aren't hurting anyone.

Friend of FME Featured in GSA Article

A Friend of FME and Friend of Lily is featured in this article about Genetic Sexual Attaction. It's good to see GSA getting more visibility.