How Has This Blog Helped You? How Can It?

Whether this is your first visit to this blog or you've visited countless times, I'd like to get a comment below (you can comment anonymously or not) or a message from you about how this blog has been of help to you, if it has.

Also, you can use the same method to ask questions you'd like answered, whether you want a private answer or want the answer posted on the blog. This blog is about helping people to be free to have the relationships to which they mutually agree and to be free to live out their gender identity, sexuality, and orientation. Questions that veer away from such matters probably won't get answered.

Depending on your situation, you might not think you have many places to go with your questions or to share what's happening in your life. That's one reason this blog is here and you may contact me.

When An Older Partner Struggles Emotionally

There's this "ideal" that's perpetrated by what I'd call the relationship police of a man and a woman of the same race, background, and age, or maybe with the man being a couple of years older, marrying, staying monogamous, staying sexually active with each other, raising their two joint children (the only children they ever have) together, then happily growing old together and dying within a few years of each other.

This does happen.

It is not the life story of most people, though. It isn't even necessarily what most people want for themselves.

Some people are gay.
Some people don't want to get married.
Some people don't want children or can't have them.
Some people want more children.
Some people prefer an older lover.
Some people prefer a younger lover.
Some people prefer someone of a different race.
Some people are polyamorous.
Some people have open marriages.
Some people get married more than once.
Some people are asexual.
Some people die well before reaching the average life expectancy.

The variations are almost endless.

Optimistically, the divorce rate for first marriages is as low as 30 percent. Additional marriages have a higher rate of divorce. Some people don't divorce, but their marriage is not a happy, functional one. Those are just the ones who make it to marriage. There are relationships that last for years, and might involve living together, major joint purchases, and children, but they have a breakup rate much higher than first marriages. And then there are the people struggling to even get a relationship going.

I don't write this to be depressing.

I write this to point out that if lovers...

1) are mutually attracted
2) treat each other right
3) don't have major goals in conflict and are otherwise broadly compatible

...they have hit paydirt. Paydirt isn't so easy to find.

Bisexual Visibility Day

Wednesday, September 23 is Bisexual Visibility Day. 

To all bisexuals, especially our friends and readers, we see you.

You are valid.

You should have your rights and freedoms.

You deserve representation.

You should not be pressured to be closeted or to hide.

A Cousin Considering Marriage Writes in to Dear Abby

A recent divorcee who is contemplating a new marriage possibility wrote as SECRET LOVE IN THE SOUTH to Dear Abby...

We bonded when he contacted me to offer support after he heard about my divorce, and it was love at "second" sight. Why "second"? Because we grew up together -- literally next door -- and he's my first cousin.

Despite the societal taboo, it is legal in my state for first cousins to marry, and genetic issues with offspring aren't a concern. We're both sterile and have no ability (or desire) for more children.

There's no reason why this should be a problem for anyone.

My siblings suspect and aren't pleased with the situation. His parents know and are happy for us.

There's no good reason for the siblings to have a problem with this.

How do we break it to the rest of the family? The world? People can be so judgmental, even though in many parts of the world it is perfectly normal to marry your cousin.

The rest of the family probably knows already. Since this wouldn't be a first marriage, perhaps it could be a smaller ceremony? Since there is no legal issue, I'd announce it in the same way you would if it was someone who isn't a close relative. If other people have a problem with it, then they don't have to come to the wedding, right? 

Abby advised slowing down a bit. Thankfully, she didn't express anticonsanguinamorous bigotry.

Of course there are some terrible comments from prejudiced bigots. It's a good thing this letter made the column, though. We need more representation of consanguinamory. Let consenting adults marry!

Questions and Answers About Siblings

 Someone asked a bunch of questions about sibling consanguinamory at this blog's sister Tumblr.

You can ask Keith questions through email and other ways.

How Do We Know?

How do we know how most mothers would react to being approached by their grown child? 

Asked and answered on this blog's sister Tumblr.

Married in Their Hearts

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. As this interview is being published, there are still many people spending more time home with family members. Perhaps some of them will find this interview an inspiration? Or they can see this for some possibilities.

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The couple interviewed below should be free to legally marry, or simply to live together in any place in the world without having to hide, yet they can't. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love. Fortunately, they are not breaking the law in their country.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what they have to say. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights, or be ostracized simply because they love each other this way?

Genetic Sexual Attraction is real, as we see time and time again. And if it brings people together, no law should interfere. Prejudice against their relationship for being "incest" is irrational and harmful.

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourselves.

Lavinia: I'm 50 years-old, white, Brazilian born and raised in São Paulo. I graduated in Publicity. I work consulting in a reputable company in the field. I love cooking and I love Leo.

Leo: I’m 33 years old, Brazilian born and raised in São Paulo. I graduated in Business Administration, and currently working in my own company. You can say I'm successful.

I currently live in São Paulo with my wife, who is my birth mother.

Appearance can be a bit tricky because of the great ethnic mix of the country. Although my birth mother is white, I inherited the color of my father, which is olive or tan. I’m 185cm (6'1"), 80kg (176lb), brown hair, honey eyes. Despite the differences, I am quite similar to her and in the past some people came to ask if we were siblings.

I like to go hiking with my wife. Actually, I like anything with her. I like music, sports, video games, comics, books, movies. I love dogs and cats.