A Loving Couple Denied Their Freedom to Marry

By my count, this is the twenty-sixth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are denied their fundamental right to marry.


"Joe" and "Jamie" (assumed names) grew up in a little town in middle America in a large, religious family, which included five girls, with Joe being the sole boy. As they say, "We both are very passionate about music and giving to those who are without." They live together with their dog. Joe is a little over nine months older than Jamie.


Read the interview below and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights to love each other the way they want and to marry should be denied. And if you want to follow them on an ongoing basis, their NOT SAFE FOR WORK Tumblr can be found here: http://ataleof2siblings.tumblr.com


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Are you married or have you ever been married?

Some People Have Attractive Cousins

Sigh. When will "we" stop broadly condemning the relationships of others because of our own personal dislikes or ignorance? At thegloss.com I found a bit by Joanna Rafael with the headline "WTF? People Are Tweeting Their Incest Fantasies." We're talking about cousins.

Maybe I’m being too judgmental by thinking people who find their cousins hot is totally creepy and wrong, but this kind of thing has been making people feel weird for a long time.

You are needlessly attacking people and you are wrong about people feeling weird about it. For most of human history, most people have married a cousin. It is still common in many places. Half of US states will legally marry first cousins.

Perhaps some people don’t consider kissing cousins to be as stomach-churningly horrifying as say brother-sister or parent-child stuff, but uh, whatever the degree of separation, finding your family hot is still something you might want to keep between you and your analyst.

Maybe if you reword that and make it about interracial relationships, you'll see why this statement is hurtful.

Maybe her cousins aren't attractive? But some people have attractive cousins.

She was referring to this huffingtonpost.com bit.

To read about a real family that is hurt by attacks like this one, I recommend checking out this blog.

Samoa Still Prosecuting Consenting Adults

We've noted the law and prosecutions in Samoa before. Like many other places, including most US states, adults are still criminally prosecuted for having consensual sex. Sarai Ripine reported at samoaobserver.ws that a father and daughter both tried to take the "blame" away from each other. That sounds like love at work.

A father and daughter have both claimed they were the first to ask for sex with each other. A 28-year-old woman facing incest charges has told the Supreme Court it was she who asked her father, not the other way around. The father told police he asked first.

Both she and her father have pleaded guilty to incest charges.

She is 28. She is capable of consenting to sex. While they each tried to protect the other in this case, I think in some cases the lovers might end up with the parent or older sibling taking all of the "blame," even to the point of the younger person saying it wasn't consensual, as it spares the younger person from being prosecuted. If the option is one of gets a criminal prosecution and a "sex offender" brand or they both get that, it is better, they figure, that only of them gets it. This is NOT to deny that assaults aren't happening, perpetrated by a parent or older sibling. They certainly are, but those are an entirely different matter than consensual sex, which is what I'm talking about here.

Another Polygynous Family Gets TLC Series

The Browns of "Sister Wives" have done a lot of good for polygyny, the larger scope of polygamy, and the still-larger scope of polyamory. Now the Williams are getting a series on TLC after their special in September tested the waters and drew good ratings. Here's the report from the Associated Press at dailymail.co.uk...

The cable TV network said Thursday it will produce nine, one-hour episodes about Brady Williams and his five wives and 24 children. The first episode is set to debut March 9.

These series feature polygyny, but there are so many ways polyamory can lived out, and hopefully, we'll see some variety in the future. For example, I'd like to see a series with a polyandrous triad, and definitely one with a same-gender triad.

Reality stars! TLC will produce nine, one-hour episodes about Brady Williams (center) and his five wives, pictured, from left, Paulie, Robyn, Rosemary, Nonie and Rhonda

Members of the Williams family are among an estimated 15,000 independent polygamists in the West who don't belong to an organized, fundamentalist Mormon church. Williams and his wives withdrew from the Apostolic United Brethren during the mid-2000s after re-evaluating their core beliefs.

The family no longer teaches the tenets of fundamental Mormonism to their children at home, opting instead to take from other teachings such as Buddhism to instill good, morale values in their two dozen children, who range in age from 2-20.

Interesting.

In addition to the Browns and now the Williams family, TLC also has done a special featuring the Darger family of Utah. HBO's fictional show about a polygamous family, 'Big Love,' ran for five seasons.

Following the recent court ruling [decriminalizing polyfidelity in Utah], Williams said now is the time for polygamists to show they are deserving of the recognition by putting an end to the misogyny rampant among the culture and putting women on equal footing as men.

 Yes, we are making progress for equality. 

The practice of polygamy is a legacy of the early teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but the mainstream church and its 15 million members worldwide abandoned polygamy in 1890 and strictly prohibit it today.

Hmm. That could have been written better. Many American polygynists have Mormon roots, but polygamy is as old as life.

These television shows are helping more people to see that an adult should be free to marry any and all consenting adults, and that's a great thing.

What a Year it Has Been!

Belated tidings to those of you who, in one way or another, celebrate the Solstice, and Happy Holidays to all who are celebrating any of them.

It has been quite the year, with much good news and some not-so-good news. There has been so much progress and other things of more that this blog literally hasn't been able to cover everything. This is, after all, a labor of love, and not only do I not ask for monetary donations or feature advertisements, but I wouldn't accept any monetary donations.

If you really want to help, use the various ways in the column on the right and at the end of each posting to spread the message of this blog.

I will also gladly accept written and graphic submissions, provided they are topical and in keeping with the goals and tone of this blog. I will give you credit and a link, but no material or monetary compensation. You can reach me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com. I welcome your comments, so write me even just to say hello.

May the next year be one of love, happiness, health, and prosperity.

A Happy New Year to all!

Having to Hide An Intensified Love

By my count, this is the twenty-fifth ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and would be denied their freedom to marry, if they wanted to marry.

Anonymous Son has a consanguinamorous relationship with his mother. They have no plans to marry, but they should be free to do so if they want, and should not have to hide their love. They look like a great couple. Both of them are attractive. You could know them as mother and son and have no idea what they are doing behind closed doors, or you could see them walking hand and hand and think they are both attractive and look good together.

Read the interview below and ask yourself if there is one good reason their rights to love each other the way they want should be denied.


*****


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself and your background.

Anonymous Son: I am a 22 year old Senior at a semi-ivy league school in the northeast US. I have had various part time jobs, mainly at the restaurant/bar that we own and internships at various companies during my college years. I am white, 5'10 with blonde hair and green eyes, I consider myself to be attractive. I have always been active and involved in various sports throughout highschool and college, I also enjoy film and literature. We live in a nice and quiet town, I would describe us as middleclass to upper-middleclass. As of right now I only have one younger sister who lives with us. For the first year of college, I lived in a dorm but moved back home and commuted for the rest. I have not been married. My mother was married to my father for 11 years, they divorced once I turned 10. My mom still hasn't remarried.

Episcopal Priest Danielle Elizabeth Tumminio is a Ally For Poly

Danielle Elizabeth Tumminio wrote at cnn.com that she is an ally for the polygamous freedom to marry, thanks to the Browns...

Before I met the Browns – made famous by the reality television show “Sister Wives” – I had the kind of reaction most modern-day Christians would have to their lifestyle: Polygamy hurts women. It offers girls a skewed perspective of who they can be. It happens on cultish compounds. It’s abusive.

Yet when the Browns' show debuted, I began to question some of those assumptions, and when I had the opportunity to meet them a few years ago, I questioned them further.

In getting to know Kody, Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn, and their children, I saw that these parents were extremely invested in raising girls and boys who were empowered to get an education, become independent thinkers and have a moral compass.

Go read it all, especially if you are interested in a Christian perspective.

It is good to see the Browns and "Sister Wives" making a difference.

We'll keep evolving so that an adult can share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults!

Polygamy Ruling Doesn't Go Far Enough

Polygamy, plural marriage, polyamory… the news and commentary media coverage has been more than plentiful since the Browns of Sister Wives won recently in a court decision that overturned an item in Utah law that was, perhaps, the most restrictive of its kind in the country.

There has been so much confusion about what actually happened.

No, unfortunately, the court did not grant the polygamous freedom to marry.

What it did was overturn what was, when you get down to it, the criminalization of a polyfidelitous form of polyamory. Under Utah law, people have been free to have a different sex partner every night, and have children with all of them. What they were prevented from doing was actually living with or considering themselves as married to more than one person at a time. So again, if one woman wanted to have sex and children with five different men, that was OK, but she was a criminal if she lived with two men and called both of them her husbands.

It was a ridiculous law, intended to attack religious minorities for their practice of what they call plural marriage, a religion-based form of polygyny. Yet how effective was it at actually stopping polygynous living, or, what is really important, preventing spousal and child abuse? It wasn’t. I argue that such laws actually help perpetuate domestic violence and child abuse by making victims and witnesses more reluctant to cooperate with law enforcement because their own consensual, non-abusive relationships are criminalized.

Anti-equality and compulsory monogamy finger-waggers have been acting like this ruling is the end of the world, no doubt using it as a fundraiser for their certified hate groups. And other people ignorant about what is really going on have regurgitated the ridiculous “polygamy is bad for women and unattractive men” warning (see Discredited Arguments #9, 15, and 16). Some monogamist gay commentators have been throwing poly folks under the bus.

But the court decision is hardly envelope-pushing. It aids long-established, fundamental rights such as the freedom of association and freedom of religion, and brings Utah a little closer to the other 49 states and most of the modern world in no longer allowing law enforcement to march into your home and say, “You can’t love and commit to more than one person! Off to jail with you!”

What I wish the ruling had done was recognize the polygamous freedom to marry (which is what some people seem to think happened.) It is nice to see that, even though there is much bigotry-spewing and there are plenty of bus sightings, there are also many allies standing up and challenging people with the simple question, “What’s wrong with letting people be with the consenting adults they love?” Although the ruling did not go far enough, it is a step in the right direction, and the civil rights march has often progressed through baby steps.

There is still much work to do, but full marriage equality will happen. We will get there. A woman, like a man, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with ANY and ALL consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. If a woman wants to marry a man who is already married, that is of no ill effect to anyone else. If she wants to marry two women, that hurts nobody. Let them be! Let them marry!

New GSA Section at Kindred Spirits

If you or someone you know is experiencing or has experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction or Genetic Attraction and you want a place to discuss it, there is a free, welcoming, and affirming place to do it. Kindred Spirits forum has now added a GSA section.

Kindred Spirits has long been a great place to talk about consanguinamory in a supportive environment without adult images all over the place (and I have nothing against erotica, but some people really want a place to talk that doesn't have it everywhere) and without spam. Now, it has a section specifically for GSA.

You may not see the Reunion/Genetic Attraction section before you join the site, but it is there. Again, there is no cost to join or participate at Kindred Spirits, but if you want access, you do need to register. Be sure to immediately read and follow the rules!

http://kindred.forumup.com

See you there!






adoption reunion, taboo, consensual  incest, consanguineous, consanguinity, intrafamilial sex

Interesting Search Phrase of the Day

Someone came to this blog via this search...

Incest couples getaway retreat

Whether someone was looking for themselves or just curious to see if such places exist, the search using that phrase is a reminder that consanguineous lovers often have to hide their love close to home. They may not be able to talk about the love of their lives with coworkers, neighbors, or even members of their own family. Just walking hand-in-hand on a night out on the town can be risky.

As such, especially if they haven’t been able to move to reside where people are unaware of their status as close relatives, a vacation away (“holiday” for some of you) can be very liberating. Romantic dinners, kisses, holding hands, embracing, dancing, and sharing a room can be done without fear. How much more enjoyment can such lovers get if they also get to openly meet, in-person, others who are consanguinamorous?

Such a resort destination would ideally be located where there are no laws against consanguinamory and where there is some ability to provide privacy for visitors, who still have lives, including careers, to which they’ll be returning. It would help to be somewhere that has other tourist and business travelers, so as to not automatically be associated with being a vacation destination for consanguineous lovers in the mind of the average person in the general pubic. Sounds to me like a Lily Pad is needed.

Why Ghana Needs Full Marriage Equality

Ghana not only continues to deny people their fundamental right to marry, but adults continue to be arrested and prosecuted for having consensual sex with each other. Here's the latest example I found, this time a myjoyonline.com... 

Two siblings have been remanded in Police custody for alleged incestuous relationship which produced an 18-year-old boy.

53-year-old Issifu Abubakari and 36-year-old Ramatu were arrested on Wednesday December 11, 2013 and charged with the offence.

With that age difference, it seems possible to me that they are half-siblings and it is possible that Issifu wasn't even around while Ramatu was growing up.

They are alleged to have been in a relationship for about 20 years.

That would make Ramatu 16 years old at the beginning. The age of consent in Ghana is 16.

Kumasi-based Nhyira FM's Ohemeng Tawiah reported that the couple relocated from Dawu, near Agona, to Koforidua after family members and other relatives raised suspicions about their relationship.

So they were already dealing with hostile family and having to move simply because they loved each other. Family should support, not hate.

After 20 years, relatives of the couple discovered that they had been living as husband and wife with an 18-year-old son in his first year in Senior High School.

Even though the brother and sister were summoned to the chief of their village, and made to perform some rites to 'cleanse' them, they continued to have sexual relationship, Ohemeng reported.

Well. yes, they are married except in law, and they obviously love each other. What is the sense in trying to break up a family? If they've been together for 20 years without a problem, why try to stop them? There is no good reason.

They do not mention any problem with their child, so my guess is that that child is healthy, because I'm fairly certain they would have included any significant problems experienced by him in the report. To American eyes, reading that he is 18 and in his first year at Senior High School seems strange, but it is entirely possible he wasn't started in school until later than most American students start.

So what exactly was the problem with their relationship? Other people didn't like the idea. So what? How ridiculous it is to waste resources trying to pry apart adult lovers, especially ones that apparently haven't caused any trouble for anybody. I can guarantee you there are other siblings in Ghana living as spouses, some with children together, just as there are (and always have been) all over the world. The sooner we recognize all adults should have relationship rights, including full marriage equality, the better.

Is Montana Prosecuting Consenting Adults?

Peter Christian reports at newstalkkgvo.com about what appears to be a prosecution of consensual sex by the state of Montana...

An Alaska man, Russell Whitfield Smith, 48, was charged in Missoula Justice Court on Wednesday, December 11, with committing incest with his adult daughter, 19, in her Missoula home.

According to court documents, law enforcement received a call from Child Protective Services on December 10  that a father was having consensual sex with his biological daughter.

Consensual sex. If it is consensual, with a 19-year-old, it shouldn't be a crime.

Russell W. Smith had moved to Missoula from Alaska and was living with his daughter and they were having sex.

This makes me wonder if this is a case of Genetic Sexual Attraction. If she had not previously been living with him, it could very well be.

The victim’s roommate reported the incidents to authorities, confirming that they were having sex and planned to marry.

So again, this sounds like a consensual relationship and the roommate, possibly jealous or just bigoted, ratted them out. This is why I say consanguineous lovers should protect themselves.

Deputy County Attorney Jennifer Clark said that the victim was mentally disabled, and that her father was taking advantage of her.

So is Clark alleging that the 19-year-old is unable to consent to sex with anyone? If she is legally able to consent to group sex with 5 cage fighters she just met, why not Smith?

Incest is a felony, punishable by from two to four years or more than 100 years or life in the Montana State Prison, and a $50,000 fine.

It is ridiculous that anyone would be criminally prosecuted for consensual sex, let alone be sent to prison for 100 years! Criminal prosecution should be reserved for assault/rape, where I can definitely understand a 100-year prison sentence.

A Reminder That GSA is Real

Ben Acheson wrote about Genetic Sexual Attraction at huffingtonpost.co.uk. The piece did not start our well...

Incest; is there anything more shudderingly repulsive?

First of all, GSA isn't incest as most people think about it. Secondly, not everyone finds this form of consensual sex repulsive. A lot of people have done it themselves. I think most people would not find these relationships repulsive.

What if there is no force, coercion or betrayal of trust?

 Uh, yeah. That's what we're talking about.

What if there is no sexual predator and no victim?

Then some places, stupidly, criminally prosecute everyone. Makes sense, right? Not really.

He then links to that particular forum where consanguinamory is discouraged.

They claim that any two consenting adults should be able to share love, sex, residence and marriage. They claim that they are not hurting anyone. They claim that laws and prejudices need to catch up with reality. 

Yes we do claim that any consenting adults (not just two) should be free to share their lives. Not so much the people running that one forum.

It may be kept shrouded in mystery and spoken about only in whispers, but it is not going to go away anytime soon. Adoption reunions are increasingly common, especially since social networking has simplified tracing. Increasing rates of IVF, sperm donation and even divorce will only create more opportunity for family members to be separated then found later in life too.

Yes. This is going to be happening a lot more in the coming years.

Is there a difference between biological and sociological incest?

Yes.

Should we condemn those gripped by GSA?

No. We should not condemn ANY consenting adults for loving each other.

Or is it an ordinary response to exceptional circumstances?

Yes, it is an ordinary response.

If you have experienced GSA, there is now a section specifically to discuss GSA at Kindred Spirits. It is a free, welcoming forum, but be sure to read and immediately follow all of the rules. You will see the GSA forum after you do so.

Gonna Need a Bigger House on the Prarie

A scientific study says polyandry pays off for female prarie dogs. As always, I note that what happens in other species isn't always applicable to humans, but this is another example refuting the claim that polyandry is "not natural." In this case, polyandry has increased the likelihood that a female will have more surviving offspring. I found this report at phys.org.

Credit: Elaine Miller Bond (elainemillerbond.com)

Mating with more than one male increases reproductive success for female prairie dogs, despite an increase in risks. This is according to a new study published in The Journal of Mammalogy by behavioral ecologist John Hoogland, Professor at the University of Maryland Center for Environmental Science's Appalachian Laboratory.

Mating entails significant costs such as increased susceptibility to predation and increased exposure to diseases and parasites. So why would a female prairie dog take the risk to mate with multiple males? The answer is simple and clear: female prairie dogs that mate with two or more males rear more offspring than those that mate with only one.

So, if you're a woman looking to have a lot of offspring, polyandry might be a strategy.

Prairie dogs are herbivorous rodents of the squirrel family, and forage aboveground from dawn until dusk. They live in colonies of territorial, contiguous family groups that contain one or two sexually mature adult males, three or four sexually mature adult females, and one or two sexually immature yearling males.

Know any families like that?

More information: "Why do female prairie dogs copulate with more than one male? Insights from long-term research" was published in the September issue of The Journal of Mammalogy: www.umces.edu/sites/default/files/Polyandry%2C%20JM%2C%20September%202013.pdf

I find science fascinating.

Polyamory Is Not Just For Couples

Angi Becker Stevens writes at huffingtonpost.com to clear up a misunderstand about polyamorous relationships...

Over the past few years, polyamory has become a more widely known term and practice. And perhaps inevitably, certain misconceptions and misunderstandings about what "polyamory" means have become widespread as well.

That's for sure. There are so many different ways polyamory can be experienced, and people often base their perception, or mistaken understanding, on one example. 

It would be unfortunately difficult to say which among these misunderstandings is the most common, or the most hurtful to polyamorous folks. But there's one in particular that I'd like to discuss: the idea that "polyamory" means "committed couple who have casual partners on the side."

That's just one of many ways polyamory can be experienced.

Many of us have deeply committed relationships with more than one partner, with no hierarchy among them and no core "couple" at the heart of it all. To me, this notion that there must be one more important relationship, one true love, feels a lot like people looking at same-sex couples and thinking that one person must be the "man" in the relationship and the other must be the "woman." After all, both of these misunderstandings result from people trying to graft their normative conceptions of love and relationships onto people who are partnering in non-normative ways. It seems that it is somewhat easy for many people to acknowledge that humans are capable of loving one person and still enjoying sex with others (assuming, of course, that the terms of their relationship make such behavior acceptable). But it is much harder for people to think outside the fairy-tale notion of "the one" and imagine that it might be possible to actually romantically love more than one person simultaneously. 

She goes on to explain the problems this can cause and how people can avoid insulting polyamorous people. It is a very good thing to read.

3rd International Conference on the Future of Monogamy and Nonmonogamy

Ethical nonmonogamy will continue to gain understanding, acceptance, and recognition as we move towards full marriage equality and relationship right for all. Conferences like this one will help with the process. From the website...

This event will happen February 21-23, 2014, in Berkeley, California, USA.

This conference will explore issues related to monogamous and nonmonogamous relationships from an interdisciplinary perspective. This event will be devoted to presentations of scientific and academic research related to polyamory, open relationships, swinging, other forms of consensual nonmonogamy and related subjects. The conference does not take a position on whether any particular type or style of relationship is healthy or pathological. The intention of the event is explore the subject in as objective and unbiased a manner as possible. Presentations will cover various topics that offer some possible progress to a deeper and more complete understanding of the phenomenon of consensual nonmonogamy.

This event will happen at:
THE CLARK KERR CONFERENCE CENTER, BUILDING #14, UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, BERKELEY
The street address of the event is:
2601 WARRING STREET,
BERKELEY, CALIFORNIA, 94720.

Search Phrase of the Day

Someone came to my blog by searching the phrase...

Actual incest in front of non family

Now that's an interesting concept. Many people have fantasies and some people have actual experience in a threesome with two close relatives, often siblings or parent and adult child.. If the close relatives do anything sexual with each other in the process, that is considered consensual incest. With as common as consanguineous sex is, there are bound to be others who see it, either by accident or intention. It can happen at a swingers party or play party, perhaps with witnesses not even knowing the people involved are close relatives.

Since consanguinamory is still illegal in many places and people in consanguinamorous relationships are subject to discrimination and want to protect themselves, most such lovers will never have sex in front of other people. And, of course, many people are shy or want privacy and would never have sex at all in front of others whatever the circumstances.

Being present for consanguinamory can be a quite an experience. Have you ever seen consanguineous sex? Or, if you have experience with consanguinamory, has you ever done anything in front of people outside the family?

Is Jenny Erikson Stir Crazy?

Jenny Erikson decided to spew confusion and ignorance at thestir.cafemom.com in a piece titled "Forget Gay Marriage & Polygamy -- It's Open Marriages That Destroy Families"...

You know the story: Boy meets girl, boy marries girl, boy invites another girl into their bed, and girl is strangely ok with it, because she has her own lesbian lover on the side anyway.

Wait, what?

Welcome to polyamory, the strange perversion of what love in marriage looks like.

Perversion?

The situation described is only one example of polyamory. Polyamory takes many, many forms.

Incest Charges Against Zambian Woman Dropped

Sylvia Mweetwa reports at times.co.zm that an adult woman in Zambia charged with "incest" has been freed. Once again, reports are too skimpy to give a clear picture of what happened.

A TWENTY-FIVE-YEAR-OLD woman of Kapiri Mposhi who is alleged to have been in a secret sexual affair with her 49-year-old father for nine years and has been appearing in court for charges of incest has walked to freedom.

That would have made her 16 when the "sexual affair" started. According to this and this, 16 is the age of consent in Zambia.

This was after the Director of Public Prosecutions (DPP) issued instructions to enter a nolle prosequi into the matter. The woman could be turned into a State witness.

So, does that imply that they now believe it wasn't consensual?

This is in a case in which Gift Mweemba was facing a charge of incest by a female.

Particulars of the offence were that between January 1, 2004 and March 1, 2013, Gift permitted Paid Mweemba, knowing that he was her biological father, to have unlawful carnal knowledge of her contrary to Section 161 (1) of the Laws of Zambia.

It would have been perfectly legal for her to have sex with a complete stranger who was a 40 or 50-year-old, or a neighbor who has been like a father to her since she was born, but not the man she is alleged to have had a "sexual affair" with.

Meanwhile, in the case of Mweemba who is facing one count of incest contrary to Section 159 (1) of the Penal Code Cap 87 as amended by Act No. 15 of 2005 of the Laws of Zambia, the DPP allowed the commencement of trial.

Particulars of the offence are that Mweemba between January 1, 2004 and March 1, 2013, knowing that Gift was his biological daughter, had unlawful carnal knowledge of her.

Interesting that they are different parts of the law, but essentially the same charge: consensual incest. If this wasn't consensual he should be charged with rape. If it was consensual it shouldn't be a criminal matter. No information on whether or not he raised her or not, or how they were turned over for prosecution. If he raised her and groomed her for this, that would be quite the story as she was held under his sway all the way through age 25 and it shouldn't be called a "sexual affair" but rather ongoing sexual assault. But if this is different matter, where she actually did freely consent (perhaps not being raised by him at all), the story is that they are wasting resources pursuing his prosecution. The article then goes on to apparently less important criminal matters... like homicide.

We Get Letters

This blog is visited by people all over the planet, and welcomes comments and I also welcome your emails and private messages. Everyone once in a while I publish some of those messages in a blog entry, which is what I’m I’m doing here.

Our entry Frequently Asked Question: How Common is Incest? is consistently the most popular entry. An anonymous hater left this comment, which I didn’t publish…

My God people, you are so sick. I just need to go and vomit now.

Very rarely is a criticism of any substance left.

Helena left a comment after another FAQ response that answers why consanguineous sex is still illegal in many places.

i REALLY wish people would not use the term inbreeding , a child is born of love in a consensual consanguinious relationship and inbreeding makes me feel like the sow on a pig farm LOL

Most children born to close relatives are healthy and look like anyone else. Many of them are better-looking.

After the entry explaining why I prefer the term consanguineous, Anonymous wrote…

Scotland Still Prosecuting Consenting Adults For Loving Each Other

From this report at stv.tv, it appears as though Scotland is still prosecuting adults for consensual sex. What century is this again?

 

A man is to stand trial accused of having sex with his half-sister.

Doesn't that sound ridiculous? What a waste of resources. Every bit of money and time put into prosecuting this case could have been spent prosecuting abusers.

John Bowes is alleged to have committed an act of incest by sleeping with half-sister Sheila Drummond Bowes at a property in Dundee's Douglas area in summer 2011.

I don't think sleeping is the issue here.

Bowes is alleged to have "had sexual intercourse with a person related to him" between July 26, 2011 and August 4, 2011 at a flat in the city's Ballater Place.

The 48-year-old, of Balunie Crescent, Dundee, denies a charge of incest at the city's sheriff court. A trial date has been set for February and Bowes was released on bail until then.

He's 48. Her age isn't given, but it is likely that she is well into adulthood as well. Why is this a crime? It shouldn't be. And if this was consensual sex, is she being charged, too?  If this wasn't consensual, the report is written very poorly and the charges should be rape. If this was consensual, it shouldn't be a criminal matter at all. They should be free to have sex with each other and marry each other, if that is what they want.

Too many questions aren't answered. I do wonder who reported this to the authorities, whether or not they grew up together, and whether or not this is a likely case of Genetic Sexual Attraction.

Don't let this happen to you, lovers. Take steps to protect yourself.

Dancing Around an Elephant?

Advice columnists, I'm sure, get many more inquiries dealing with Gender, Sexuality, and Relationship Diversities (GSRD) than get selected for print, some more direct than others. Here's one that made it. TAKES ONLY TWO TO TANGO wrote to Dear Abby...

I have been dating my boyfriend, "Jose," for a year. Before that, we were friends for five years.

That means she has had a lot of time to get to know him and his behavior.

Ever since I've known him, he and his half-sister, "Blanca," have danced together at parties. We're all in our mid-20s.

They dance salsa, merengue and other styles of music together. I used to think it was cute, but now that Jose and I are a couple, I find it annoying and a little creepy.

So he's doing what he's always done as long as she's know him, but she thinks dancing, or at least least some kinds of dancing, should be restricted to just the two of them now that they are a couple. Unless that was the specific, explicit, mutual agreement they made, there is no reason for him to stop doing what he's always done. She is free to ask him to stop. He is free to say no or to agree. She is free to stop seeing him.

Married Couple Confirm They are Half Siblings

Another case of possible Genetic Sexual Attraction has made news. From chinasmack.com...

In Jiangxi Province, a young married couple were always teased for “looking like each other”. Not long ago, the wife’s father suddenly spoke of a secret: it turns out that many years ago, he and the husband’s mother were secret lovers. Later on, the husband’s mother became pregnant, while the wife’s father fell in love and married someone else. On top of that, the husband’s mother has been dead for over 20 years, so this secret was almost buried forever, up until this young married couple decided to have a child.

Affairs, flings, one-night-stands, divorce/death and subsequent remarriage, etc. have always been a reality in making half-siblings. But now, with sperm, egg, and embryo donations, this is going to be happening more.

In early November, the couple chose to go to the Furong Forensic Centre of the No. 2 Provincial People’s Hospital in Hunan in order to do a DNA test. The results dealt them a heavy blow.

If someone is happy with their partner, they shouldn't let prejudice tear them apart. It is one thing to understand that, another to live it out.

Cao Wei and Xiao Qian (aliases) both grew up in the same city in Jiangxi Province. They lived near each other and had known each other since they were youngsters. Cao Wei is 4 years older than Xiao Qian and always looked after her the way a big brother would. Their relationship gradually began to change ever so subtlety, eventually becoming a romantic relationship.

If they were in each other's life from an early age, then some people would say this doesn't meet the "classic" definition of Genetic Sexual Attraction. However, it could still be an attraction that was based, in part, on shared genes.

On November 20th, legal medical expert and head of the material evidence examination room at the Forensic Centre, Dr Huang Jian, said it was currently unknown how Cao Wei and Xiao Qian would deal with their marriage. She believes that Bao Gen’s irresponsibility not only thoroughly discredits him, but has also deeply hurt his children.

It would hurt a lot less if we supported the right of consenting adults to be together. Did the DNA test reveal any serious genetic risks?

Some of the comments left after the article expressed doubt that this is a real story, but there are people going through this sort of thing all over the world.

News Media Request For GSA Experienced

Bumping this up again, because I was contacted by them and the deadline was dropped AND they expanded the scope from siblings to anyone with GSA experience. If you still want to contact them, go ahead.

For your consideration, if you have experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction...

CBS News Productions, a department of CBS NEWS, is considering producing a documentary about GSA for cable television.  We are looking for people currently in a GSA relationship or those who have been in a past relationship to tell their stories on camera.  If interviewees prefer that their voice and appearance be disguised, we can adhere to that request.  No monetary compensation will be offered for one’s participation because this is against the policies of CBS News.  If interested, please email...

[Edited because they project is not being pursued.]

As always, I want to see journalists raising awareness of things like GSA, but I also urge caution in dealing with the media.

If you don’t want to contact them, but still want to talk about what you’re going through or what you’ve been through, good or bad, you can contact me. And if you’d like, I can interview you like I’ve interviewed so many others.

Obligatory Flowers in the Attic Post

I'm not sure why, but Blogger tends to eat embedded videos, from their sister service YouTube no less, so I am bumping this up with the video embedded. Again.

Lifetime is doing an adaptation of Flowers in the Attic. Here is a short trailer.



It will be nice when we get some productions that depict consanguinamory as something that happens in "normal" or average lives, because it is. It is not just something found in horror scenarios or where there is child abuse or neglect.

Massachusetts Still Doesn't Have Full Marriage Equality

Massachusetts led the way in the US in moving towards full marriage equality, but still isn't there yet. Here's an example of a same-gender wedding in the state to start a marriage that is still denied legal recognition, because it is polyamorous. Kitten, Brynn, and Doll shared their special day with offbeatbride.com, where you can go to see beautiful pictures and and a video, and learn the details about what was involved in the wedding.


KevCool Photography captured these images.

The Offbeat Bride: Kitten, Fashion Manager
Her offbeat partners: Brynn, Computer Programer; Doll, Fashion Designer
Date and location of wedding: Codman Estate Lincoln, MA — August 4, 2013
Our offbeat wedding at a glance: Our wedding had to include meaning for all three of us brides in our polyamorous wedding.

Our entrance music was Emilie Autumn's "On a Day," and our officiants read the following:

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today is the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

If you think you don't know anyone who is transgender, you're probably wrong. People who are trans are more common than many people realize, and the discrimination and violence and cruelty inflected on such people is deplorable. We show solidarity for all of those who are the T in the LGBT.

Polyamory Rising

Journals of of a Polyamorous Triad is a blog I've been following for a while, and I recommend checking it out in general. I wanted to call your attention to this current entry by Simon Broussard titled "Why Social Acceptance of Polyamory is Inevitable."

I must be honest with you: I giggle gleefully when another state passes a law allowing for same-sex marriages.

Even though I have no intention of ever marrying someone of the same gender, I also cheer when the same-gender freedom to marry is legalized somewhere, because I think all progress towards full marriage equality is good, and I am happy for the lovers who will now be free to marry, whether they are my personal family, friends, or complete strangers.

Simon next writes seven things about the history of marriage, including that polygamy "was" considered normal. It always has been in some places. Then he gets to polyamory...

Polyamory will eventually be just as recognized and accepted as heterosexual marriage because of the continued freedom earned by women (and extensibly freedom of mankind, in general, allowing for homosexual entanglement).

Those who say polyamory is oppressive to women don't know polyamory. Polyamory empowers women if  those women are polyamorous in their relationship orientation or function well in polyamorous relationships.

A woman should be as free as a man to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the other) with another woman, or two other women, or a man and a woman, or two men, or... with any and all consenting adults.

I wrote here previously about why polyamory will gain acceptance, and do so faster than LGBT people have gained acceptance.

I do believe all adults will have their religion rights, including full marriage equality. I am doing my small part to make it happen sooner rather than later. I do not think this will happen without those are discriminated against and their allies working for change. Let's make it happen!

Treating Love As Worse Than Murder

It is bad enough that some people do not make a mental distinction between consensual sex between close relatives and assault or abuse by a close relative, putting it all under the same label, but when the law does it, it leads to injustice, and that injustice can be made even worse by criminal sentencing requirements. Two different people have recently illustrated this.

IchigoRadiance left a great comment after another entry here.

According to Wikipedia, Consanguinamory can get you 25 years. Also according to wikipedia, the sentences of rape are not uniform, but tend to average around 11.8 years. But the actual time served tends to be around half at 5.4 years

Who thinks it makes sense to send consensual lovers to prison at all, never mind sending them to jail for longer than rapists?

Entertainment Media Needs a Fresh Perspective

Movie and television stars in the US are still expected, judging by media coverage, to have love lives that fall into a few narrow molds, and many apparently feel the pressure to present themselves as hetero-monogamous. Gays and lesbians are becoming more accepted, but many are still closeted or avoid public appearances with their partners. Bisexuality is accepted in women much more than men. For the most part, stars are expected to be monogamous, or at least serially monogamous; dates or encounters with others are portrayed as scandalous or a sign that their prior known relationship is over. There are a few exceptions, such as Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, but for the most part, stars are "supposed" to be with just one person or just date casually.

Anyone who thinks for more than a minute beyond the superficial publicist-prepared portrayals realizes that there must be stars who haven't come out as LGBT or polyamorous, or in open relationships, or as swingers or swappers, just by percentages alone.

I bring all of this up because of something at thedailybeast.com by Tricia Romano under the headline "What's So Bad About an Open Marriage?" It starts off with reports of Will Smith, perhaps, getting "too close" with someone who is not his wife.

Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith. (Getty)

But in April, Jada Smith told Huff Post Live: “I’ve always told Will, ‘You can do whatever you want as long as you can look at yourself in the mirror and be OK. Because at the end of the day, Will is his own man,” she said. “It comes from respecting that you are in a partnership and that also you are an individual as well.”

Later, she clarified in a Facebook post: “Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want, because we TRUST each other to do so. This does NOT mean we have an open relationship…this means we have a GROWN one.”

Grown is a good word.

People are often threatened by open relationships, says Rachel Kramer Bussel, a sex writer and editor of The Big Book of Orgasms, because it seems so exotic and weird when compared to the status quo.

“We just don’t have any formal model for a public couple having an open relationship."

That's a very important point. We need more honest portrayals not only in fiction, but in nonfiction as well.

There is at least one celebrity who is open about her relationship: Mo’Nique has told Barbara Walters she’s got an understanding with her husband.

She said: “Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That’s not a deal-breaker,” she says. “That’s not something that would make us say, ‘Pack your things and let’s end the marriage.’ What if it’s 20 times? So what? we’ve been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are. Oftentimes, people get into marriages and they don’t know who they’re laying next to. I’m very comfortable and secure with my husband.”

Good for them!

It's a good article, although I would've liked some clarification of terms. An "open marriage" is not synonymous with polyamory. There are many people in polyamorous relationships that are not open, for example. There are stars who haven't been outed as LGBT, or as asexual, or as polyamorous, or as in open relationships, or in consangiunamorous relationships. They are people and they have their sexual orientation, gender identity, and relationships that do not have to be ours to know, but I will support any of them that do come out and be grateful that in doing so, they help move us towards all adults being free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults.

Love Is Not Sick

Novelists, playwrights, and screenwriters can find inspiration for compelling dramas, endearing comedies, and even some highly erotic romance from the reality of consanguinamory and treat consanguineous lovers with respect and sympathy. Instead, consensual sex and lovemaking between close relatives is usually relegated to part of the horror in horror movies and novels or a treatment along the lines of "aren't they terrible or sick people for doing that?"

At indiegogo.com I found "Accidental Incest: The Movie," which is trying to get funding and publicity for a project that treats consanguinamory somewhat negatively; or at least, the campaign to get funding does, anyway.

Accidental Incest is a pitch-black romantic comedy that proves that love is relative!

Hmmm. That doesn't sound so bad.

Accidental Incest is the film adaptation of the award-winning play by Leonard Schwartz which was performed off-Broadway in 2012.

Did any of you see it? I would be interested in knowing how the subject was actually treated.

Accidental Incest is a sick and disturbing comedy about two people who find romance in this crazy world. The problem is that they are indeed brother and sister!

So they are left with a question: Should you be miserable or be with the one person who truly gets who you are?

"Sick and disturbing" is not what I've seen in real life.

The video at the link reinforces that this filmmakers are treating consanguinamory, which in this plot sounds like Genetic Sexual Attraction, as "sick." I understand that many people are disgusted by the thought of consanguineous sex and romantic relationships. But people who experience GSA and become sexually affectionate and others people involved in consanguinamory have to deal with enough trouble without another project that reinforces a stigma.

I implore those in control of this project to refine the material to make a positive difference. That would likely get more interest anyway. I invite them to contact me or take inspiration from what can be found here on this blog.

Sad Search of the Day

Someone searched the following phrase to find this blog...

sister and i had an incestual adult relationship and now we dont talk to each other

Family strife happens for many different reasons, and it is a sad thing. One of the risks of any romantic or sexual relationship is that the romance or sex will end, or the entire relationship will end on bad terms. That is why I wrote this. The only way to avoid the risk is to not have any romantic or sexual relationships.

I'm assuming this was consensual sex and that this wasn't a matter of assault. People who are assaulted should put distance between themselves and the abusive person.

Aside from severe discrimination, which, depending on the the jurisdiction, could include criminal prosecution, a bad break-up is the biggest risk of these relationships. Some relationships last, some don't. Some that don't last do not end well. But when these relationships end on good terms, or they last, they are usually intense and incomparable.

As with any other romantic relationship, someone may have trouble seeing their former lover with someone else.

With consanguinamorous relationships, one or more the lovers may experience some internal conflict due to societal biases. External pressures may even force lovers apart, in which case one may stop communication with the other because the heartache or risk of prosecution is too much to endure.

Matters of the heart are often difficult. With consanguinamory, we should stop adding difficulty via discrimination. Instead, we should offer support.

Was He Prosecuted for Assault or Consensual Encounters?

Is Kentucky prosecuting consenting adults for having sex with each other? There's no way to know from what is reported in this article at cynthianademocrat.com. Beck Barnes has the blurb.

The Harrison County man who was indicted in August on three counts of incest has changed his plea.

Handsome Lee Tolliver, 45, will be sentenced Jan. 7 in Harrison Circuit Court following a pre-sentencing investigation and evaluation.

Tolliver entered a guilty plea to each of three charges of incest on Tuesday in Harrison Circuit Court.

The August indictment stated that Tolliver had sexual intercourse or deviate sexual intercourse with a person whom he knew to be his descendant.

Why not a "sexual assault" or "rape" charge? Without such a charge, this sounds like it could have been consensual. A 45-year-old man could easily have a "descendent" who is well into adulthood and fully consented. There isn't even any information on whether he was involved in the person's life while they were growing up. Consensual sex should not be a crime. Rape should be called what it is... rape. And it should be prosecuted as such.

Strong ABS Counters Weak Hit Piece

Angi Becker Stevens hit Eli Lehrer's bad pitch against polyamory clear out of the park in this response at huffingtonpost.com...

Many polyamorous women, like myself, are in loving, committed relationships with multiple men. And a large number of us -- from my observation, seemingly a larger percentage than of the general population -- consider feminist values to be central to our relationships.

When someone says polyamory is harmful to women, there are many, many women (and men) who laugh until their sides hurt, or roll their eyes, or cough dismissively. You know what hurts women who have a polyamorous relationship orientation? Being forced into monogamy.

Lehrer is also concerned with the social problem of polyamory creating an inherent scarcity of partners.

Yes, Lehrer sounded worried that if women has more choices in the matter, he'd be lonely.

But again, this is only a concern if you assume that polyamory only means one man with many women. But given the reality of modern, egalitarian polyamorous relationship configurations that include one woman with several men, three or more men or women all in a relationship together, quads made up of two men and two women, and many more, it is difficult to imagine how polyamory can create a scarcity of available partners of one gender or the other.

Yes!

It is of course true that granting legal recognition to polyamorous families would also have the effect of granting legal recognition to patriarchal polygamous families as well. But the unfortunate reality is that many women still live in oppressive, fundamentalist monogamous marriages, and we do not use that as an excuse to eschew marriage all together. The problem is patriarchy itself, not the particular form relationships take. If anything, decriminalization of multi-partner relationships would allow more women in polygamous relationships who are being abused to access social services without fear of punishment.

Exactly!

Read it all. It is Angi is brilliant.

GSA Documentary

I've been getting requests for this lately... a documentary called "Incest: The Last Taboo?" It is actually about Genetic Sexual Attraction. Unfortunately, I don't know where the rest of it is yet, or if it is online anywhere. Such is the problem when videos posted online are removed.

Like Father, Like Son

Consanguinamory happens between people and their adult children more than most people think. Another forbidden relationship that is, perhaps, even more frequent is between adults and their new stepparent, especially if their stepparent is closer in age to them than their parent. In addition to steprelations being seen as incestuous, another aspect that also makes many of these relationships forbidden is when they involve cheating due to the stepparent violating a vow or agreement with the parent. (Not all have such agreements and thus the relationship with the "stepchild" would not be seen as cheating.)

At islamweb.net there was something that addressed these topics, headlined with attention-grabbing "His wife and son have regular incestuous relations together."

It appears to be an advice column. From the question...

Respected Sheikh, I am a man in my late sixties and recently discovered that my 33 year old wife has regular incestuous relations with my 17 years old son.

A few things to note right away: 1. Although this is not written so as to make clear she is not the biological mother of his son, I think if she was the biological mother of the son that would have been explicitly stated, which is not. 2. She is closer in age to his son than she is him. 3. Seventeen year-old males generally are bursting with hormones and constantly wanting sex. Leave one alone all day with an attractive person and... well, this isn't surprising. 4. It is entirely possible that where they live 17-year-olds can legally consent to sex with 33-year-olds.

When I confronted them they denied it, but one day I came home unexpectedly and found them in the act. They repented and promised not to do it again.

So this was a matter of cheating.

I am devastated and don’t know what to do. I beg you to tell me in the light of the Quran and hadith what course of actions I shall take.

This is, of course, from a Muslim website. Being cheated on, especially when the other person is another person you thought you could trust, is painful. My advice would be to seriously consider if this is unacceptable, and if he needs her to only have sex with him, if he's going to be able to treat her right going forward without going batty. If not, then the marriage should be over. But he didn't ask me. Let's get to the response was given...

Quick Basic Explanation of Polyamory

With polyamory and polyamorists increasingly becoming topics in media and culture in general, journalists and commentators would do well to know what polyamory is and what it is not.

Polyamory IS loving or having a relationship* with more than one person with the agreement of all. This can be one-on-one at a time, or in a grouping. Having this agreement doesn’t necessarily mean everyone will know everything about all involved and what they do, but it means that nobody involved has falsely promised anyone monogamy.

Since polyamory can manifest in many different ways, it can be helpful to keep in mind what polyamory is NOT…

• Just about sex, any more than monogamous relationships are just about sex.
• Cheating. Cheating is interacting with someone in a way that violates a prior, existing commitment to, or condition with, another. For example, it is not cheating for a wife to take on another lover alone if her spouse has agreed to it, even if she doesn’t tell her spouse when it happens, as long as that was the agreement between the spouses. It would be cheating if all three people in a polyamorous triad agreed not to have sex with anyone outside of the triad, and then one of them does.
• Synonymous with swinging. Swinging is when an established couple, triad, quad, etc. participates as a couple or group in encounters with other couples or groups. It can be a form of polyamory but not all polyamory involves swinging. Some polyamorists swing, some don’t.
• Synonymous with spouse swapping. Swapping usually means when one couple swaps partners with another couple, whether for one time or on an ongoing basis. It can be a form of polyamory, but not all polyamory involves swapping. Some polyamorists swap, some don’t. For example, there are polyamorous couples in which each individual has one other lover, but those lovers do not know each other. That is NOT swapping.
• Synonymous with “open relationship.” An open relationship or marriage is one that is not closed to new participants, whether they are short term or long term participants. Some polyamorists are in closed relationships, some are in open relationships. Some are not in relationships at all at the moment.
• Synonymous with communal living. Some polyamorists live communally, some don’t.Some live with people they do not have sex or a romantic relationship with and have sex or a romantic relationship with people they do not live with.
• Synonymous with threesomes (whether one night stands or ongoing) or group sex. While some polyamorists enjoy threesomes or group sex, many polyamorists have one-on-one sex only.
• Synonymous with promiscuity. Some polyamorists have fewer total sexual partners than some professing monogamists.
• Another way of saying someone is unable to commit, avoiding commitment, or a lack of commitment. Polyamory often involves multiple commitments.
• Another word for polygamy. Polygamy is marriage to more than one person. I consider polygamy to be a subset of polyamory. Most polyamorists would not describe their relationships as polygamy.
• For men who “can’t keep it in their pants.” Polyamorists exercise restraint, too.
• For “weak” people to appease their partner by “letting” their partner have sex with others.
• Abusive to women. Abusive people abuse people. Polyamorists would not consider it polyamory if a man cheats on a woman, beats her into “agreeing” to “polyamory”, or coerces her into sexual situations. Polyamorous women, like polyamorous men, enjoy polyamory and feel empowered, fulfilled, loved, and that they are loving and meetings the needs of others.
• An indication that someone is immature. There are people who try polyamory and find it isn’t for them, but polyamory involves maturity as it requires being aware of oneself and being honest and effective in communicating needs and negotiating boundaries, and meeting the needs of others.
• A fad or something new. The word may be new, but polyamory has existed throughout history, and will continue to exist.
• An STD superhighway. Polyamorists have a lower rate of STIs than the general population.
• For amoral or immoral people. Most polyamorists are moral people, often profoundly so. Some people consider polyamory as automatically immoral because it is not monogamy, but most people who say that can’t explain why someone should accept monogamy as the only moral relationship, or they cite a religious tradition that they probably aren’t living by themselves.
• Harmful to society. A good argument can be made that it is beneficial beyond just the fulfillment of the individuals.
• Something only strangers or “other” people, do. You probably know polyamorists or interact with them in your daily or weekly life and don't even know it.
• Associated exclusively with any one political movement or group or any one religious tradition or spiritual philosophy. For example, there are polyamorists who are Atheist, others who are Wiccan, and others who are Christian. In the US, there are polyamorists who are Greens, polyamorists who are Democrats, polyamorists who are Libertarians, and polyamorists who are Republicans.

About the only thing polyamorists have in common is that they are polyamorous.

Polyamory can be expressed in unattached individuals who have ongoing open relationships that consist of casual dates. It can be expressed in closed “V” relationships, or triads/triangles, or quads. There are many, many ways to live a polyamorous life. Relationships that appear to be very different from each other can all be polyamorous.

See here for more.

*a social or personal relationship, no matter how brief, that is not “just” platonic friendship. It could be called one or more of the following: loving, romantic, erotic, physical, sexual, dating, courting, spousal, or marital.