Why Attempt to Suppress Affection?

Why would anyone waste time, energy, and other resources attempting to suppress affection or recreation between mutually consenting people?

Do you have a personal dislike of some forms of sex, or certain people? So what? Why do you even feel a need to tell people sharing love or play that you disapprove, let alone try to censor or criminalize them?

Who are they harming? Who are they endangering?

Life is short. Don’t waste yours trying to stop other people from being affectionate or playful with each other.

Don’t fight against equality; that’s a threat to freedom.

Rather, show solidarity and support the rights of all. You’ll find it makes you a better person overall. Love is better than hate.

Is There Any Sexuality You Don't Support?

Someone asked me that question privately.

If by sexuality, one means gender identity or sexual orientation… I support people being free to be themselves, as long as they don’t force themselves on others (like predators of children).

Regarding sex…

I believe in the basic human rights of freedom of religion, association, expression, and assembly. Anything consenting adults do together should be up to them, and should not be something to be subjected to criminal prosecution, discrimination, or bullying. Nor should minors close in age be prosecuted or forced into “treatment” for having sex with each other.

I don't consider rape, assault, or child molestation to be "sex." I'm all for prosecuting for those.

I think if someone is at the age of consent for sex, that age of consent should also apply to being recorded or photographed. If someone wants to make videos of themselves to take pictures of themselves or let someone else do it, and they want to show it to others, and another person of the age of consent wants to view it, fine.

Regarding marriage…

I support the right to marry for everyone. An adult should be free to marry any and all consenting adults.

But…

My support of legal rights and protections does not mean I personally support all sex or marriages.

For example, I think it is a bad idea for, say, a woman who needs monogamy to have sex on the first date, and if a friend like that wants my "support" I would tell her no, it is a bad idea.

Another example… I think it is safe to say we’ve all known people who announced they were going to get married and we cringed (if only inside) because we didn’t think they were right for each other, or perhaps in a place in their lives where they were ready to be married.

I am also against cheating (but again, I don’t think it should be a criminal matter). Cheating is when someone breaks an existing vow to another through action, rather than informing the person(s) with whom they have the vow that the agreement is ending. There are married couples who have agreements that allow one or both of them to have sex with other people, and per those agreements doing so would not be cheating.

However, if someone tells me they are happily involved with their close biological relative, or two close biological relatives, and none of them are cheating to do it, then yes, I support them. I support happy, healthy same-gender relationships, interracial relationships, polyamorous relationships, intergenerational relationships (adults), and consanguinamorous relationships.

I am sex-positive. Sex is a good thing for many reasons. We’d be better off if more people were having more sex and sex that was more satisfying to them. So generally, I “support sex.” Those who don’t think sex is a good thing or talk as though it isn’t may be doing it wrong, or may have forgotten what it is like (certain asexuals excepted).

What about you? Are you sex-positive?

The Invisible Asterisk

Sometimes, when someone writes (or says) that they support the freedom to marry or, marriage equality, or #Marriage4All, #LoveMustWin,  or “love is love” or something like “The sex lives of consenting adults is nobody else’s business.,” there is an invisible asterisk. You know, one of these: *

What might really be going on is this…

“Consenting adults should be free to marry each other.”*

*Unless you mean something I don’t like or think is disgusting, like polygamy, open marriage, or consensual adult incest.



I don’t do that. There is no asterisk in this statement…

I support the rights of an adult to share love, sex, kink, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

There is no asterisk after “adult.” An “adult” includes any person, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion.

“Any and all” means “any and all”. If an adult woman can vote, be Secretary of State (or Prime Minister, which we don't have in the US), serve as a Governor, be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, sign contracts, enlist in the military, operate heavy machinery, be sentenced to life in prison or the death penalty (which we do have in many places in the US), and can consent to group sex with three cage fighters she just met, it seems to me an adult woman should also be free to have sex with and/or marry any consenting adult(s), even if that means another woman, or two women, or two men, or a woman and a man, or a married man (not hidden from his existing spouse), or her sister, whether an adopted sister, stepsister, half sister, or full blood sister. All of this goes for men, too, of course.

This basic right means all adults having the same right to not marry at all, and to divorce, and to be free of domestic violence. The basic freedom of association should mean that adults can share the entirety of love, sex, residence, and marriaqe, or any of those without the others, and any civil union or domestic partnership that is offered. That’s a funny thing called… equality. There is no good reason to deny equality. Now is the time to get it done.
So, do you support full marriage equality, or marriage “equality”*?

Juneteenth

June 19 is a holiday in the US. It’s still new as an official holiday, so it’s still not officially observed everywhere it should be.

It’s a celebration of African American freedom.

Freedom is still a work in progress.

For example, African Americans who are LGBTQ+, nonmonogamous, and/or consanguinamorous are still denied basic rights.

Let’s keep evolving so that everyone will have their rights, including the freedom to marry and the freedom to be together how they mutually agree, including sharing love, sex, kink, residence, partnership, and more.

Bigotry & Repression Hurt But Support & Solidarity Help

There is so much hatred, exclusion, prejudice, discrimination, bullying, repression, oppression, and bigotry in this world.

But there is also love, inclusion, affection, kindness, support, freedom, growth, cooperation, and solidarity.

Your identity, your orientation, your relationship style is for you to discover and explore, often with the help of kindly lovers, mentors, teachers, friends, and family.

Who you are, who you love, and how you love shouldn’t be forced upon you. Indeed, it can’t be. Rather, hostile forces only stifle, repress, cover up, traumatize. They don’t truly change who you are.

If you prefer to be alone most of the time, that’s OK.

If you prefer to have one partner, that’s OK.

If you prefer to have multiple partners, that’s OK.

This shouldn’t be up to naysayers. The naysayers can decide for themselves. They shouldn’t decide for you. They shouldn’t get a say in who your partners are and how you share love, sex, play, and life.

What matters is that the partners have consented to be together, and to do what they’re doing.

Laws that attempt to deny this are unjust and destructive.

Media offerings that perpetuate harmful misconceptions are irresponsible.

Services, such as forums, comments sections, blogging platforms, and social media, which deny participants the freedom to discuss these things and advocate for equal rights of all are part of the problem rather than the solution. Naysayers who attempt to spread their bigotry hurt people.

This blog is here to help.

You are supported here.

We are in solidarity, and welcome solidarity.

Let’s keep evolving towards relationship rights and full marriage equality for all.

Love must win.

NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #8

“Polyamorous and consanguineous marriages are not the same thing as same-gender marriage.” So what? We’re talking about consenting adults who want to be together, and there’s no good reason to stop them. Some same-gender relationships and marriages are polygamous and/or consanguineous. A man should not only be able to marry another man, but two or more other men or his brother.

Strictly speaking, whether a marriage is same-gender or heterosexual is a different category than whether it is monogamous or polygamous; or exogamous or interracial, endogamous, or consanguineous. Some heterosexual marriages are monogamous, some are polygamous. Some same-gender marriages are monogamous, some are polygamous. Bisexuals may be in monogamous marriages or polygamous marriages. Some monogamous marriages are consanguineous, some aren’t. That monogamous/polygamous and exogamous/endogamous/consanguineous are different categories from heterosexual/same-gender is not a justification to deny the freedom to marry to consenting adults, or deny them marriage equality. Relationship rights belong to all adults.

It should be noted that when there is a polyamorous relationship, whether a "V" or a triad or more, at least two of the people involved are the same gender, even if they are no more than metamours to each other.

Something does not have to be immutable or inborn, like sexual orientation, to be legal. However, there are people (especially with Genetic Sexual Attraction) who are in consanguineous relationships who would swear to you that they couldn’t love anyone as much as they love their partner(s). They were born into their situations. There are people who are obviously unable to be monogamous, to the point of being willing to suffer loss of job, loss of reputation, loss of wealth, and figurative and literal loss of life, and they should not promise monogamy nor be pressured to pretend to be monogamous.

Some people simply are polyamorous.

That these other categories are not the same thing as same-gender marriage does not explain why there are still laws against them or a lack of relationship protections in the law.


There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/discredited-invalid-arguments.html

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #7

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny Love #9 

Open Letter to the Accomplished and Famous: Come Out Consanguinamorous

We know you're there. You're generally famous or at least famous in your industry, mostly because you're highly accomplished. And... you're consanguinamorous or have experience with consanguinamory. Some of you need to come out.

You're a performance artist, whether an actor or singer or musician or model.

Or you're someone who's held executive positions in the biggest companies.

Or you're an academic.
Or you're a top athlete.
Or a high ranking member of the military.
Or a journalist or author with national stature.
Or... you have some other place in life.


Whatever the case, you've "made it." You have the admiration and respect of a lot of people.

But what hardly anyone knows about you is that you are enjoying, or have enjoyed, a special relationship with a close relative, or you might even be exclusively or primarily attracted to close relatives. Maybe you have an unrequited attraction; the other person knows about it, but the two of you have not become "double bonded."

You need to seriously consider coming out.

Pride Month Is Here!

June is Pride Month. 

Like so many other observances, it has become commercialized in a lot of ways. As far as I'm concerned, I'd rather corporations call positive attention to it rather than how things were in the old days, when LGBTQ+ people were invisible or portrayed as predators.

We should also keep in mind that there are LGBTQ+ people who are monogamous, and also those who are polyamorous or otherwise involved in consensual, ethical, or disclosed nonmonogamy. There are also LGBTQ+ people who are consangunamorous or have consanguineous relationships. All these people should have their rights.

Let's celebrate gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities. May allies join in, and may there be solidarity for all!

Let's make it a great month!

Are you going to any events?

Celebrating International Consanguinamory Day

April 28 is a day to celebrate and to affirm consanguinamory. 

People who are consanguinamorous or in consanguinamorous relationships shouldn't have to hide.

Consanguinamory has always been part of the human experience, wherever people have been, regardless of location, class, or demographics. 

Consanguinamory isn't shameful. It is quite often a beautiful thing. 

Consenting adults should be free to love each other how they mutually agree, and shouldn't have to hide their love. They should be free to share their love and be true to themselves, without being prosecuted, persecuted, or discriminated against. 

To all consanguinamorous people:

Most of you have to keep your celebrations private, but we know you're out there, and you are valid and deserve your rights. Sunday, April 28 is your day. Progress is being made. Let's make more!a day to celebrate and to affirm consanguinamorya day to celebrate and to affirm consanguinamory

Helping Warms My Heart

Speaking up and working for civil rights has always made people targets for hate and bigotry. It will range from nasty comments and screeds to assaults and even murder.

When the prejudiced lash out with comments like "You're disgusting!" or "What's wrong with you?" ...I pity them.

How sad must it be to be trapped in a narrow mind, scared that things are changing? Rather than embracing and enjoying that more people will have their rights, they cling to discrimination, mostly because someone told them to and they've never thought things through.

There is no good reason, no point, to trying to deny people their rights to love each other how they mutually agree. It's a losing cause.

Such haters need to grow a heart and find something more positive and productive to do with their energy.

I will continue to speak up for the rights of all. And I hope you will continue to read and continue to share this blog with people who need to see it.

There is nothing wrong, nothing disgusting, but everything right about supporting the rights of all. Love must win and love will win. The joy I experience when I help people and when people let me know I’ve helped them makes the hate fade into nothingness.

Intersex Awareness Day - Thursday, October 26

.Intersex Awareness Day is Thursday, October 26.

Intersex people should not be discriminated against or denied their rights, nor forced into narrow gender roles imposed by someone else.

You are welcome here!

Humans are diverse. We have diversity in our bodies, in our identities, in our attractions, and in our relationships.

Kindness and respect go a long way. Let people be who they are. Bullying, harassment, and discrimination spread hate. Spread love instead.  Let's support each other and stand up for the rights of all.

Asexuality Awareness Week

It’s Ace Week!

October 22 through 28 is Asexuality Awareness Week.

It's an international campaign to educate about asexual, aromantic, demisexual and grey-sexual identities and experiences. You are welcome here! Nobody should be discriminated against or be denied their rights for having these identities.

We recognize and support our family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, classmates, and others who are asexual.

Your existence and worth shouldn’t be denied.

Spirit Day 2023 - Thursday, October 19

Thursday, October 19 is Spirit Day. Among varying activities, people wear purple in support of LGBTQ+ youth, against bullying.

Nobody should be bullied, harassed, or discriminated against because of their gender, sexuality, or relationship diversities or those of their family members or friends.

Are you observing Spirit Day? Leave a comment below telling us about it.

Defend people against prejudice, bullying, harassment, and discrimination.

How You Can Help

Pride Month Is Here!

June is Pride Month. 

Like so many other observances, it has become commercialized in a lot of ways. As far as I'm concerned, I'd rather corporations call positive attention to it rather than how things were in the old days, when LGBTQ+ people were invisible or portrayed as predators.

We should also keep in mind that there are LGBTQ+ people who are monogamous, and those who are polyamorous or otherwise involved in consensual, ethical, or disclosed nonmonogamy. There are also LGBTQ+ people who are consangunamorous or have consanguineous relationships. All these people should have their rights.

Let's celebrate gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities. May allies join in, and may there be solidarity for all!

Let's make it a great month!

Answering Arguments Against Polyamory

People who insist monogamy is the only acceptable relationship model, or that polyamorists should not have the same rights for their relationships as monogamists, almost always cite a few often-repeated reasons as to why. If you're polyamorous, you’ve probably heard most of these reasons, whether from coworkers, family, or complete strangers. Although I’m going to focus on polyamorous relationships, most of these are also applicable to open relationships, swinging, swapping, nonmonogamous sex, and ethical nonmonogamy in general whether the people involved identify as polyamorous or not.

Just about any objection people have to polyamory or other forms of ethical nonmonogamy fit into these common arguments, perhaps with different wording. Just so that you know, when I use the term “polygamy” I am referring to a subset of polyamory that involves marriage (whether by law, ceremony, or declaration of those involved), involving three or more spouses, whatever the structure of the relationship or the genders involved, as long as all involved are consenting adults.

1. “It is disgusting.” Also known as the “ick” or “eww” factor, this explains why the person using the argument would not want to have a polyamorous relationship, but their own personal disgust is not a justification for preventing other people from having a polyamorous relationship. Some people are disgusted by the idea of heterosexual sex, or their own parents having sex, but obviously this is not a justification to ban those things. Obviously, the consenting adults who want a polyamorous relationship aren’t disgusted by it. An effective response to this is “Don’t want a polyamorous relationship? Don’t have one.”

Polyamory Day is November 23

November 23 is Polyamory Day!

I am polyamorous, but even if I wasn’t, we should all support the rights of all, including the rights of polyamorous people.

Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one loving intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

The image reads: November 23 is Polyamory Day. Celebrate!

Feel free to share this image anywhere that’s appropriate as long as you’re doing so in support of polyamory and polyamorous people. 

Let consenting adults love each other how they mutually agree!

There is much diversity in polyamory. The uniting factors to polyamory include that it is ongoing nonmonogamy and not cheating.

It has been great to see awareness and acceptance of polyamory grow in recent years. Let's continue to make progress!

As always, comments are welcome below. Are you celebrating? If so, how?

Transgender Day of Remembrance - Sunday November 20

On November 20, especially, we remember transgender people killed by hatred and ignorance. It's the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

For all transgender people reading this:

We value you. You are valid. You deserve to live your life free of prejudice, free of being attacked for who you are.

We are going to help make things better sooner rather than later.

We are with you.

Respect For Marriage Act

Like many countries, the US needs a national "Respect For Marriage Act."

Our laws should ensure that an adult is free to marry any and all consenting adults, and have their marriages respected under the law, in courts, by schools, in hospitals, by insurance agencies, and so forth. This should be the case in every state, county, and city.

Ideally, we would adopt a Marriage Equality Amendment that supports diversity, equity, and inclusion.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, who is capable of consent, regardless of their age, race, ethnicity, national origin, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or any other personal characteristic, their rights to consent to relationships, love, sex, kink, residence, or marriage with any and all consenting adults.

Denying the polyamorous right to marry shouldn’t be part of any law. Equality “just for some” isn’t equality.

Let's support full marriage equality.

Transgender Awareness Week 2022

November 13 through November 19 is celebration to educate about transgender and gender non-conforming people and the issues. It leads up to Transgender Day of Remembrance (November 20).

To learn more, visit HRC and GLAAD.

We stand with our transgender and gender non-conforming family, friends, coworkers, classmates, and neighbors.

We oppose discrimination against them. We support them having their rights, including their right to marry or to otherwise have the relationships to which they mutually agree.

Oppose bigotry. Support rights.

Intersex Day of Solidarity

Today, November 8, and every day, we stand in solidarity with intersex people. 

It’s Intersex Day of Solidarity.

Our bodies, genders, orientations, and relationships are diverse. Every person should be free to be themselves and to share love, sex, and relationships if and as mutually agreed with others. This includes intersex people. 

Intersex people are not broken. We stand against discrimination against, and persecution of, our intersex friends, family, and neighbors.