Father’s Day

Sunday, June 15 is Father's Day.

For all men raising or helping (or who have helped) to raise a child, whether you are a biological father, presumed father, grandfather, stepfather, bonus father, adoptive father, foster father or any variation… we wish you a Happy Father’s Day!

A special thanks to fathers who have supported and loved their children who are LGBTQ+, polyamorous, consanguinamorous, or have otherwise faced persecution or oppression because of who they are or the person(s) they love. And you fathers who ARE LGBTQ+, polyamorous, or consanguinamorous, we see you, too.

We offer a note of encouragement to all fathers who can’t legally marry the person(s) they love, but would if they could, or who face bullying due to love or who they are: We will win so that every adult can pursue love, sex, and marriage with any consenting adults.

If you have a good father in your life, are you planning anything special for Father's Day?

Some considerations if you have, or are considering, a more physical relationship with your father...

Why Does Someone Feel That Way?

I'm continuing a series here of answers I posted to Quora that got attacked by censors.

*****

https://www.quora.com/I-m-16-why-do-I-have-sexual-feelings-for-my-dad/answer/Keith-Pullman

I’m 16, why do I have sexual feelings for my dad?

Keith Pullman

I network with, interview, & befriend adults with consensual incest experience.3y

Originally Answered: I’m 16,why do I have sexual feelings for my dad?

Most 16-year-olds are very hormonal. For some, this means they’ll have sexual feelings for a lot of people in their lives. What most people don’t admit is that this can include close relatives, including a parent.

There is also a small percentage of the population that has a sexual orientation that is somewhat consanguinamorous, meaning they are attracted to one or more close relatives in large part because they are close relatives.

If your father has raised you, and he’s been a great father, that can also factor into your attraction.

If your father didn’t raise you, but he’s back in your life now, well, a lot of people feel a very strong attraction to a close genetic relative if that relative didn’t raise them, but they are in each other’s lives now.

Finally, if your father is “objectively” attractive, that might be most or part of the reason why.

Sexual attractions are very diverse.

You are certainly not alone. You probably know other people who’ve been attracted to their own father, whether it was fleeting or they have a strong lasting attraction, or something somewhere between.

*****

NOTE: These specific answers in this series were "deleted" at Quora after being there for a while and being well-received. They were probably hidden from view because some bigot targeted me, as evidenced by the fact that many were deleted in rapid fire.

I have previously appealed such deletions successfully. However, whether or not my deleted answers are restored, I’ll be adding  them to this blog. You’ll see for yourself there’s no reason to delete these answers.

Why Do I Have Sexual Feelings For My Dad?

I'm active on Quora, and this question came up...

"I’m 16,why do I have sexual feelings for my dad?"

It's a question that might be asked at later ages, too. 

Here's an answer...

Most 16-year-olds are very hormonal. For some, this means they’ll have sexual feelings for a lot of people in their lives. What most people don’t admit is that this can include close relatives, including a parent.

There is also a small percentage of the population that has a sexual orientation that is somewhat consanguinamorous, meaning they are attracted to one or more close relatives in large part because they are close relatives.

If your father has raised you, and he’s been a great father, that can also factor into your attraction.

If your father didn’t raise you, but he’s back in your life now, well, a lot of people feel Genetic Attraction or Genetic Sexual Attraction, a very strong attraction to a close genetic relative if that relative didn’t raise them, but they are in each other’s lives now.

Finally, if your father is “objectively” attractive, that might be most or part of the reason why.

Sexual attractions are very diverse, and they don't always "make sense." 

You are certainly not alone. You probably know other people who’ve been attracted to their own father, whether it was fleeting or they have a strong lasting attraction, or something somewhere between.

For Parents Considering Consanguinamory

One of the popular pages on this blog is this Courting Consanguinamory page, which has helped a lot of people. That page is generalized, though, about starting any consanguinamorous relationship. This entry below is adapted from an answer I gave on Quora, to a parent who was asking about starting a consanguinamorous bond with their adult daughter. Most of it is adaptable to those considering being with a son, too.

Contrary to myths, this not illegal everywhere. There are a couple of US states and many countries in which it is not illegal for an adult to have sex with their parent(s). Also, there are mentally healthy women who will confide that this was one of the best experiences of their lives. Even where still illegal, very few such relationships are ever brought to the attention of law enforcement, thankfully.

You’d need to be delicate about doing this, not clumsy or rushed. You don’t want to put any pressure on her nor upset her.

Do you know if she is attracted to people of your gender? Could she be attracted to, or sexual with, someone your age? These are things you can find out by talking with her without making it clear that you would like to add a sexual or romantic bond with her.

"Can I Marry My Own Son?"

Asked and answered on Quora:

Yes, you can marry your son. IF either of the following are true…

1) You’re not listed on his birth certificate and your location uses birth certificates to determine eligibility for marriage, and you’re not his legally adoptive mother or father.

2) You don’t care about having your marriage registered with the government.

Unfortunately, full marriage equality doesn’t yet exist in laws. So, if you were able to the do the first option, it would only “work” so long as your true genetic relation wasn’t known to authorities. In many places, including 48 US states, you couldn’t even do option 2 (a private ceremony without a state marriage license) without risking criminal prosecution. Countless people have done this anyway, and few have been outed and prosecuted.

I advocate full marriage equality, including your freedom to marry.

National Sons Day - March 4

If you have a son, it's time to think about the good things he's brought into your life and what you can do to show your support and appreciation.

A special shout out to all the parents who support their sons who are LGBTQ+,

ethically nonmonogamous, and/or consanguinamorous. 

Speaking of consanguinamory, a very special shout out to all of you who are consanguinamorous with a son. I'm sure you can think of a great way to celebrate the day.

If you are considering adding an additional bond with your son, this might help.

You can let us know if you make a point of marking this day, either by commenting below (you can do so anonymously) or by contacting Keith. 

National Sons Day is Friday, March 4

If you have a son, it's time to think about the good things he's brought into your life and what you can do to show your support and appreciation.

A special shout out to all the parents who support their sons who are LGBTQ+,

ethically nonmonogamous, and/or consanguinamorous. 

Speaking of consanguinamory, a very special shout out to all of you who are consanguinamorous with a son. I'm sure you can think of a great way to celebrate the day.

If you are considering adding an additional bond with your son, this might help.

You can let us know if you make a point of marking this day, either by commenting below (you can do so anonymously) or by contacting Keith. 

“I’m Stuck at Home With Family”

If staying home has (or had) you thinking about sex with a family member, you’re not alone. Over the past two years, more people than usual have been contacting me or finding this blog with questions like...

Do siblings have sex?
Is it OK to have sex with your mother?
How do I have sex with my brother?
Is it normal to feel horny for my dad?
I fantasize about my daughter.
I want my sister.
I'm feeling attracted to my son.
Should I try to have sex with my mom?
Can I do it with my brother?
Do brothers and sisters have sex?
Is it weird that I want to make love to my brother?
How can I tell if my son wants to have sex with me?
I think my brother is giving me signs he wants to have sex.
How do I seduce my father?
Do people ever have sex with their parents?
I've wanted my son for years, and now that we're home together all of the time I need him.

People are stuck at home and they are considering relieving their sexual tension with a family member, and they have questions.

Lockdowns, shutdowns, staying home, self-isolating, quarantines... people are stuck home and, in many cases, that means being without a partner, a lover, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a date, a booty call, a hookup, or a chance to meet someone.... unless that someone is someone who lives with them. People are stuck at home with their family members, and many of them are feeling horny, missing sex, feeling deprived of sex. They have urges and needs. They’re frustrated.

There are mothers who want to see if their son or daughter is down for some fun. There are sisters who want to know if they can get together with their brother. Their are sons who ache to be with their mother or father. Or both.

You get the idea.

Whether they are blood family or step or adopted, or maybe not even officially family but have been living together, people are wondering, fantasizing, itching. Masturbation only does so much. A family-with-benefits experiment, or something more romantic, are very real possibilities.

Is it OK? Yes, if everyone involved consents, it is OK.

There is no good reason people who want to be affectionate with each other should deny themselves and each other, if they mutually agree to that affection. Even if it is embraces, caresses, shoulder rubs, kisses... it needn't go any further than you mutually agree. But many of you who dare to do more will find it extremely pleasurable.

You might feel like you're odd, but it is far more common than most people think, and the indication I have is that more people than ever are doing it right now. Whether you’ve never considered it before or you’ve wanted it for a long time, why wait? If you can't think of a good reason to wait or hold back, don't! Just don't be crude or overbearing in how you go about this. If you need more inspiration, read about just a few of the people who’ve already enjoyed this. You love and care about each other. Why not be affectionate, if that is that is what you want?

And if you're separated from a relative right now that you'd like to have fun with through technology, see this.

Feel free to contact Keith if you want to discuss this.

For further reading...

Why Do I Feel This Way?

When Someone You Love Wants to Love You More

Consanguinamory (Consensual Incest) FAQ

More About This Blog

When An Older Partner Struggles Emotionally

There's this "ideal" that's perpetrated by what I'd call the relationship police of a man and a woman of the same race, background, and age, or maybe with the man being a couple of years older, marrying, staying monogamous, staying sexually active with each other, raising their two joint children (the only children they ever have) together, then happily growing old together and dying within a few years of each other.

This does happen.

It is not the life story of most people, though. It isn't even necessarily what most people want for themselves.

Some people are gay.
Some people don't want to get married.
Some people don't want children or can't have them.
Some people want more children.
Some people prefer an older lover.
Some people prefer a younger lover.
Some people prefer someone of a different race.
Some people are polyamorous.
Some people have open marriages.
Some people get married more than once.
Some people are asexual.
Some people die well before reaching the average life expectancy.

The variations are almost endless.

Optimistically, the divorce rate for first marriages is as low as 30 percent. Additional marriages have a higher rate of divorce. Some people don't divorce, but their marriage is not a happy, functional one. Those are just the ones who make it to marriage. There are relationships that last for years, and might involve living together, major joint purchases, and children, but they have a breakup rate much higher than first marriages. And then there are the people struggling to even get a relationship going.

I don't write this to be depressing.

I write this to point out that if lovers...

1) are mutually attracted
2) treat each other right
3) don't have major goals in conflict and are otherwise broadly compatible

...they have hit paydirt. Paydirt isn't so easy to find.

Father's Day

Sunday, June 21 is Father's Day.

For all men raising or helping (or has helped) to raise a child, whether you are a biological father, presumed father, grandfather, stepfather, bonus father, adoptive father, foster father or any variation… Happy Father’s Day!

A special thanks to fathers who have supported and loved their children who are LGBTQ, polyamorous, consanguinamorous, or have otherwise faced persecution or oppression because of who they are or the person(s) they love.

Also, a note of encouragement to all fathers who can’t legally marry the person(s) they love, but would if they could, or who face bullying due to love or who they are: We will win so that every adult can pursue love, sex, and marriage with any consenting adults.

If you have a good father in your life, are you planning anything special for Father's Day?

Some considerations if you have, or are considering, a more physical relationship with your father...

Your Son's Choice in Media Content

Someone recently found this blog searching "My son has started to view incest porn." [This entry has been bumped up because it is still relevant.]

What does it mean that your son is viewing "incest porn"?

There is a wide variety of material that can fall under that category.

1. Are we talking about professionally produced videos, featuring unrelated actors, like the classic "Taboo" movies or the countless more recent offerings?

2. Are we talking about what appears to be amateur or "home made" material with people who purport to actually be related?

3. Are we talking about material that depicts assault/molestation?

The first two categories are wildly and widely popular. There are a lot of people who are watching that or material that portrays fauxcest/nearcest. (There are a lot of people who have actual experience, too.) We generally refer to that as consanguineous sex or consanguinamory to distinguish it from abuse or assault.

While category 3 isn't as popular, it still has a following and as long as we're talking about fiction with consenting actors, there isn't necessarily cause for concern. If he seems to be obsessed with abuse/assault he should probably see a mental health professional for an evaluation.

The rest of this entry will focus on a son who is watching something that falls into the first two categories, which depict consensual consanguineous sex.

Dan Savage Answers Letter About GSA Affair

Columnist Dan Savage answered a letter relative to this blog. He redacted many details out of the letter, but the gist of it is that someone who was adopted out as a child has entered into an affair with their reunited biological/genetic parent. Both of them are in relationships and this is cheating. The LW, who claims to be a friend of the younger person in involved, wants to know if this relationship, which they recognize as GSA, can work out.

Kudos to Savage for not entirely dismissing Genetic Sexual Attraction.

Usually when people ask if a romantic relationship is going to "work out," WAMFBNIWTS, what they mean is, "Will these two cuties be together in a committed romantic relationship for the rest of their lives?"

True. Although some of us consider relationships to have been successful even if they end or drop the romance or sex, depending on what happened during or as a result of the relationship.

Answering Anonymous Questions

Anonymous asked (on Tumblr)...

Do you ACTUALLY know of men/women that asked their parents to be their first sexual experience (for whatever reason)? Isn’t that just a sign of people with poor social skills that could not connect with anyone to it had to come down to this?

Yes I do know people who’ve done this. Not one that I know has regretted it.

Involved Stepfamily Wanted for Television Show

Are you involved romantically and/or sexually with someone who is also your stepsibling or stepchild or stepparent? We know you're out there.

Someone wants to get you onto television. This is what they say...

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A TV production company is looking for a couple who are in a relationship and are also step-family, for a series about unusual relationships.

The show is very positive, and non-judgemental. The message throughout is very much is 'love is love.’

If you think you’d be interested in appearing (face identified), please contact
charley.sutton@barcroftmedia.com.

Thanks!

*****

As I frequently do, I'll remind you that there are certain risks involved (notice your face will be appearing) and someone else will control how you're portrayed. But visibility is important. People who are steprelations should be free to be together how they mutually agree without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. And yes, in some places, it is illegal for certain steprelatives to be together. It's ridiculous, but true.

There are stepsiblings who are together. There are adults out there who are with their stepmother or stepfather. But will any of you take this opportunity assist with a television show?

Yes, It Happens

An anonymous question with doubt about it being a thing that young adults approach a parent for a first experience was answered at this blog's sister Tumblr.

Sons and Daughters Day

It’s National Sons and Daughters Day, at least here in the US. 

Do you have reason to observe or celebrate?

If you’re an ally to your son or daughter, or you have a double bond with them, comment below and tell us about it. You can comment anonymously or signed-in. 

There's No Place Like Home

An anonymous question was submitted to this blog's sister Tumblr about whether or not it is OK for a young adult desiring their first sexual experience to approach a parent. Click through to read the answer.

Two Men Denied Their Rights

Jane has another interview with a man denied his right to marry.

Jane's Latest Survey

If you are strongly attracted to one or more close relatives and it's NOT a reunion situation in which you didn't have much contact with them while you were grown up, but rather they've been in your life all along or most of the time, Jane's latest survey is for you. Please take it.

We Get Letters

We get comments on the blog. Most we publish, a few we do not. The ones we don't publish have usually violated something stated in the instructions on commenting seen immediately above where you can leave your comment after any specific page or entry.

This one wasn't published because of the f-bomb. It was left after this entry.

This article it's a f---ing masterpiece. It shows how stupid are the moralists and it's arguments. In my opinion, the best place where I put the line it's: Consensual and healthy relations between adult persons.

Thanks!

Then there was one that required a little more editing. It was left after this entry.

Since everyone is sharing their stories I will share mine.

[Goes on to say when he was young a female cousin two years older than him played around together but never had intercourse, and that this went on for a year or three.]

Now I am 22 years old. Sometimes when I think of my cousin, this experience pops into my head. Obviously, when I see her nowadays we never talk about it. Everything is normal between us like it never happened. Nothing is awkward and she is a great cousin.

That's good. That sort of thing isn't seen as problematic as when there is some sort of coercion or pressure involved. It is very common for siblings and cousins close in age to experiment while young.

There were also plenty of comments that we did publish. Here are some.