Thursday, October 20, 2011

A Lifelong Couple Denied the Right to Marry

A young man using the name Maki Sola agreed to be interviewed about his consanguinamorous relationship with his sister.

Time and time again, we can see that such relationships can be loving and healthy.

Describe your background.

MS: I'm still a teenager. I've lived in [a southern US state] as far back as I can remember. I do well in school, am largely involved in my Church, and I've always placed my family and friends first.

Tell me about your sister.

MS: She’s my twin. Even though that makes us fraternal, we still look alike, except she has a more feminine figure.

What kind of relationship did you have with her before this dimension of love started?

MS: Before I found out I was in love with her, she was my best friend. My parents seemed to not care whatsoever about how close we were, as they never seemed to see anything wrong with us never separating unless it was absolutely necessary, or the hand-holding, or even the sleeping in the same bed. In fact, they rarely paid us any attention at all. That's probably why they didn't know that she would kiss my lips every night before bed. I didn't know there was anything wrong with that, but it never came up either, so they never found out. I guess that even though our relationship is more true and more developed, it was easier when all I cared about was being at her side. It was a childhood I wouldn't trade for anything.

We grew up together and we are currently living together with my older brother, older sister, mother, and father.

When did you first notice you had feelings for your twin? Were they romantic, sexual, curious, an intense attraction; what?

MS: I couldn't say when I first fell in love with her, but I first realized I was in love with her when I found out exactly what making out meant (this was after we started doing that every other night). I didn't know exactly what to make of it, but that night she started to make out with me and I didn't stop her. I didn't feel bad or the slightest bit of remorse. In fact, this was the first time she ever turned me on. I suddenly looked at her in an entirely new light. It was like a flash-flood in my mind. I started to realize how much I loved every bit of her. I wasn't surprised by these feelings, but I was surprised by their extent; how much I loved her. I guess it was some combination of all the feelings you listed, primarily romantic, curious least-so.

Are you monogamous, in a closed relationship with each other?

MS: We are monogamous, but she recently asked me to start trying to find a "girlfriend" as a cover-up. I was reluctant and tried to insist that I wanted only her, but she made the point that if we were caught we could never be together. She was right, and I got one, but she broke up with me shortly afterwards for refusing to kiss her. It helped for a while though, I think.

Does anyone know the full, true nature of your relationship and how did they find out? How have they reacted?

MS: My older brother found out about us, actually. I think the way he found out... I think it was the jackets. He noticed it when my sis started finding more things for us to do together, but when she got us matching yin-yang jackets with reverse color scheme and we started wearing them all the time, he really started to think we were getting too close. I guess he was spying on us and caught us one night having sex. At first he didn't know what to do. He didn't speak to us for a couple days, and he suggested we "get help" when he finally did. We argued for a while, then he took another day to think. He was a good big bro in the end and said we should do 'whatever you believe is right in your heart of hearts'. (Obviously, we believe this is right) It was actually his suggestion for one of us to get a cover-up. I think the reason my sister asked me to be the one was because boys always make her nervous and I'm ok with girls. I think he's ultimately interested in our happiness, but as far as our relationship goes, I'm not sure exactly what he thinks.

The only other person who knows is my best friend (he caught us making out at the mall). He hasn't actually talked to us about it, though. He just said "I knew it!" and laughs hysterically whenever I try to talk to him about it. He's a total pervert so I don't think he cares much how the sex is happening or who it's with. He told me that before he found out, so I don't think he's much of a liability.

How did you start making love with each other?

MS: I asked my fore-mentioned best friend for some birth control pills. My sister said that she wanted us to not use a condom our first time, and I agreed. I believe it was worth the wait, but we weren't always thinking of sex. I wasn't sure if it was going to happen at all until one night when we had been making out for a really long time and she started to stroke my erection (I was wearing only boxer briefs at the time, she was wearing only panties). We stared at each other for a long time. I don't remember actually thinking anything. It was one of the most surreal moments of my life. I wanted to make love to her right then more than anything, but I was afraid I might get her pregnant. By that point, since it was only a few weeks away, we made plans for the perfect way to have our first time. On our birthday.

How do you feel about the love-making side of the relationship? Is it a natural extension of your general feelings and love?

MS: The love-making side of the relationship to me feels the most natural part. There really is no other way to truly express our love for each other. While sex as a whole is normally seen as dirty and incest is taboo, no feeling is as pure as being inside her. It's not easy to describe, but I'm overwhelmed by some unique feeling of unison, as if we were the same person. My thoughts are normally difficult to understand when it's happening, and I feel an uncontrollable sense of joy when it's happening. Since it's so unique there's not much to compare it to, which makes it even harder to describe. I guess the closest word that comes to mind is ecstasy.

Do you think family members have some things better or some advantages that unrelated lovers might not, such as more intense feelings and lovemaking? What are some advantages and disadvantages?

MS: Yes, I do. I believe that there is a sacred bond within family that intensifies relationships and is unobtainable in any other way then bloodlines. My sister and I have always been together since the moment we were conceived. I could never feel this love for someone I haven't known my entire life. We know everything about each other.

As for disadvantages, the only I can think of is the fact we have to hide it. Every now and then while we're making love, I get a little nervous, kind of like the feeling you get as a young child when you're watching a show you've been told you couldn't. Just this horrible feeling like you’re about hear the door open, the most frightening sound you could ever hear. It's quickly over-whelmed by the intense joy it brings me, but if for just a few seconds, I'm scared nearly to death.

Does anyone know you as a couple, but not brother and sister?

MS: Yes, actually. My sis and I have a few places we love to go because no one there knows us, such as the mall (except for the time my friend was there, too). I noticed another group of kids about our age went there often, too. Apparently, they were a group of skateboarders and inliners, and they saw us one day when we had skates around a park next to the mall. We hang out often now.

Do you have sexual or romantic feelings for other close biological relatives, whether they are as intense or not?

MS: While I said I have no romantic feelings for my other sister, I can't help but realize how attractive she is. But I still find my twin more beautiful. It's kind of like the difference between hot and cute, but not quite.

What are your plans for the future?

MS: We've been talking about moving somewhere together and having her use a fake last name until we're married when then, ironically, it will change back.

What advice do you have to someone who has romantic or sexual feelings for a close biological relative?

MS: The way I ultimately decided to be with her was when a girl told me about her twin, Jesse, who had committed suicide when their relationship was discovered and they were forced to separate. I realized how similar she sounded and knew one thing for certain. Nothing should stop true love. People are born into families not of their own will, and just because someone was born with them shouldn't mean they can't love each other. Just until you can find a place to run away together, or until it's legal, keep it hidden, preferably better than I have so far.

As far as purely sexual feelings go... Well, I guess they already love each other anyway because they're family, right? It's healthy to experiment.

What do you want to say about people who disapprove of your love?

MS: I want them to open their eyes and mind. If they would just for a moment think logically, they would see my side. I have asked people what's wrong with our relationship, but all they say is that it's wrong or disgusting without giving any reasons. Something they seem to forget is that stopping true love is also morally wrong. I believe they're the kind of people that people in the future will look back on the same way they look at people who were against interracial marriage.

Would you get legally married if you could, and if that included protection from things such as bullying and workplace discrimination based on your relationship?

MS: We used to talk about marriage when we were kids, before we knew of any problems that might create. Now we know it's illegal and we still want to. I would love nothing more than to marry her.

Do you personally know, or have you met in person, other couples like you (that you are aware of?)

MS: One. We met online, but then found out they were in the area. We met in a park, and even used a code phrase before really talking. They're not twins, but their relationship is similar to ours. I love to talk with them. It's always nice to know you're not the only one. I already knew that, of course, but it's more tangible in person.

Is there anything you want to add?

MS: Just that I've found this to be the best thing that ever happened to me. The only thing that could make it better is the promise of marriage.

# # #

Thanks to Maki Sola for a very informative interview. Isn’t it terrible that there are still laws against their love, and people who would bully them and discriminate against them over something so beautiful? Notice that the main difficulty for them is the prejudice of others. Isn’t it time to stop the trampling on the love and rights of others? While society is accepting of young people having casual sex with classmates, other people in the dorm, or someone they picked up in a club, so many people have a knee-jerk objection to this mutually caring connection between people who truly know and love each other. Such love should be supported, and the sex should not be illegal.

If you want to share your story about your relationship, your sexual orientation, coming out, or anything related to marriage equality issues and the freedom to love, contact me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com.
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  1. Great interview! I'm happy for the love Maki Sola and his sister share, but sympathetic that they have to be judged for it. I hope people will look back at situations like this, as they do with interracial marriage. It shocks me (because this is an issue I've just started considering) to think there are still thinks considered taboos, in most cultures, that are in no way harming anyone. Great site!

  2. How wonderful!
    It must be very special to have a twin. In this case I think it's obvious that they were meant for each other, even before they were born! I get so happy when I learn about other happy brother - sister relationships like the one I have with my own brother. I want to wish these two good luck.

  3. Good luck to you both! I wish you every happiness in the world.

  4. Keith this is my favorite interview <3 <3 this was so sweet, I think my eyes teared up a bit. I kinda wish I had a twin ;P

  5. To be honest, I'm straight as an arrow and not interested in my siblings or anything of the nature that would leave me naturally biased for something like this. From a 100% objective standpoint, all the bullshit aside, I have to say that the only "real" argument I've ever heard that supports anti familial relations seems to be "it produces defective offspring." I find it funny how during these debates if you take this factor out (by stating as a qualifier "assuming they are using birth control, not having children, etc) that they still fall back on this argument. The real issue is that a lot of folks who oppose things cannot stick to the parameters of a situation. They also assume all consensual sex between siblings or family is abuse, because a few of them were molested, and cannot see it as anything different.

    Here's what I really propose: While I personally approve of being with whomever you love, freely and without having to hide it, society be damned... we also have to remember that people also have the right not to approve of such things. it is so easy to get caught up in fighting bigotry and hate, that we end up hating those who think differently than we do and stop respecting their right to have their own morals. At the same time though... their rights need to end where our own begin.

    My hat off to MS for finding the woman he loved. And if your familial relationship also makes it better and deeper, then so be it. You are a lucky man, and keep your chin up!
    Always approve and support folks. But don't condemn anyone for thinking differently, just ignore them for being bigotted!

    1. Unfortunately, begrudging tolerance is effectively support of the status quo, and the current status quo is horrible. Sure, people do and should have the legal right to feel, think, and say what they want. That doesn't mean I have to accept that people chastising, shaming, and harassing those in love is morally neutral. It's not. Homophobia leads to suicide, as well as creating an environment that implicitly sanctions violence against queer people.

      Why should we pretend like people's open, shameless disgust for consanguinamory is somehow any different? Fine, people don't like the idea of personally having such a relationship. That doesn't mean that have to be cruel or disrespectful.

    2. That doesn't mean I think we should just attack people like they're the enemy, unless they clearly indicate they're persuadable and are actively against our efforts. People who openly feel disgust, but accept legal acceptance, are the group that is most persuadable. Their rational and emotional selves don't agree. I'm just saying, don't demand that we be deferential and polite to people who are presumptuous and rude.

      All human standards and actions have the potential for moral significance, not just the law. There is more to morality and civilization than the law, and the law is motivated by culture, ethics, and politics. Nothing is isolated, nothing is neutral.

  6. Game of thrones must be there favored show.

  7. An old Japanese (originally Chinese) myth states that when two lovers commit double-suicide they will reincarnate as twins. I guess all the more relevant to this interview that they bought those yin yang jackets. Good for them and I hope they are happy.

  8. Could anyone reading this possibly not think that it is like the most beautiful thing that ever have happened?



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