Polyandry Is an Option

When people hear the word "polygamy," they might automatically think about patriarchal polygyny, which is the subset of polygamy which involves having multiple wives. There are, however, multiple forms of polygamy, including polyandry. Polyandry involves having multiple husbands. In some places, it is traditional, and usually includes brothers.

An article at legit.ng notes, unfortunately while seeming to use "polygamy" when it really means "polygyny," "5 places where women were allowed to have more than one husband"...

1. Nigeria The Irigwe people living on the western edge of Plateau, Jos are a unique people numbering around 17,000. This small group of people are known to be ardent subscribers of polyandry and it comes as no surprise as their distinctive language and social traditions sets them apart from neighbouring tribes. The Irigwe people of Nigeria practiced polyandry for many decades until it was voted to outlaw in 1968. Prior to that women were allowed to have 'co-husbands' and moved freely from one man's house to another, having multiple spouses, and their children’s paternity was assigned to the husband whose house the woman lived in at the time.

The article then goes on to name Kenya, India, China, and Brazil.

Traditional or not, an adult, regardless of gender, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults. As such, anyone who wants to be married to multiple husbands should be truly free to be in such relationships. There is no good reason to deny such basic rights.

Decriminalizing Genetic Sexual Attraction

This is necessarily a long essay, and I apologize, but I’ve heard so many arguments before that I want to deal with them preemptively.

In many places, certain acts of affection between close genetic relatives are still a crime, regardless of all involved being consenting adults, regardless of their backgrounds. This includes when the adults have experienced Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA).

The fact is there are people who are happy together, in every way, who were brought together through GSA. The main problem in the relationship is the discrimination, often codified in laws that include the possibility of criminal prosecution, against their relationship. There are other people who are experiencing GSA who, for any number of reasons, do not want their relationship to become sexual, or remain sexual if it has already become sexual. Both of these groups, and the other people who love them and depend on them, would benefit from decriminalization.

The first group would be free to live their lives.

The second group would be more able find effective help and support.

Women Aren't Bargaining Chips In Business Deals

Whether you like it or not, most of us no longer live in a world in which men trade their daughters in arranged marriages that are little more than business deals. Unfortunately, laws still lag behind progress and some exist based on this model of marriage.

Now, women are people, not property.

Now, marriage is primarily a romantic matter, and even if based on finances, is up to the potential spouses, not their father, brother, or uncle.

Marriage used to be a business deal between clans, and a woman's sexuality was part of the deal, which is why women had to have sex with a man, just one man in particular, and of course that man was going to be from a different clan (but the same race) and could be older than her, but not younger. This is why royals often had consanguineous marriages; there were no other nearby clans that could provide a fair "trade."

For the most part we don't think like that anymore, but some people still apply such thinking to relationships and marriage.

If marriage is based on love, if it is up to the consenting adults who are the potential spouses, and if it is a fundamental right to marry or not marry, then there is no good reason to ban interracial, same-sex, polygamous, or consanguineous marriages.

Someone can think it is weird or disgusting or something they would never do, but a woman, like a man, should be free to marry another woman, or more than one woman, or more than one man, or men and women, or a younger man, even if that younger man is her genetic son she gave up for adoption ...as long as all spouses are consenting adults, it is nobody else's  place to try to stop them. Anyone who says that a woman shouldn't be free to marry the adults who mutually agree is saying she should be a bargaining chip, traded in business deals by her father or brother or uncle.

Not only should she be free to marry the adults who mutually agree, but her sexuality should be her own whether she marries or not. She should be be free to share sex and/or residence, married or not, with and all consenting adults, even of the adult is someone of a different race or her genetic father, so, brother, or aunt.

Again, someone might be shocked by the idea, or be against it, but it shouldn't matter. If someone doesn't want such a relationship, the good news is that they don't have to have one. But there's no good reason they should have any power to stop someone else from being with the consenting adults who mutually agree.

If there are two or more adults who want to be together, whether or not that includes sex,  cohabitation, or marriage, then shouldn't they be allowed to live their lives without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination? It seems to us that we should be encouraging people who want to be together to do so, considering how much strife and animosity there is. We can't force people to like each other, but if they do, we should not try to force them apart.

Multiplying Taboos

This blog is here to advocate for the rights of all consenting adults to be together how they mutually agree. Included in that is supporting ethical or consensual nonmonogamy. Unfortunately, because of lingering laws and prejudices about consanguinamory, many people can't be open about their attractions and experiences; cheating, which we do not advocate, can happen in such a negative environment as people do not feel free to discuss things openly and honestly with their partners, or anyone else for that matter. Again, we don't advocate cheating, but we recognize that some consanguineous sex does happen in the context of cheating. Still, there are things we can learn about relationships in general and consanguineous relationships especially by interviewing people who have had such experiences.

The man interviewed below is married to a woman and having a longtime secret affair with their biological daughter.

In much of the world, including all but a couple of US states,both the father and daughter could be criminally prosecuted for this, not for the cheating, but for having sex with each other.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this man has to say. You may think his relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic; you might find the cheating to be unacceptable. But whatever your reaction, should this be a crime? If their spouses were agreeable, shouldn't they be able to be open about their relationship and even marry? Also, notice that aspects of the relationship are common to consanguineous relationships that don't involve cheating, too. We don't condone cheating, but even a relationship that involves cheating can help give an understanding of the dynamic of consanguineous relationships, as this is happening everywhere.


WARNINGS: Mildly explicit sexuality and cheating. 


*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Anonymous Father: I'm in my mid 50s, white, and an engineer. My hobbies include running, cycling, 3-D auto CAD design, first edition books and wine making.

Equality., Life, Liberty, and Happiness

July 4 is Independence Day in the US, considered our country's birthday. Connected to the day is the Declaration of Independence, which touts equality and notes that we have the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

When the Declaration of Independence was written, equality was reserved for white, landowning, heterosexual, Christian males. Great strides have been made to extend equality to everyone else. As we know, equality just for some is not equality. In recent times, we have seen many pro-equality court rulings and laws, including the Supreme Court ruling for the nationwide limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry.

More people are coming out of the closet, and more allies are coming out in support of equality. More people are getting married, and now we have more polyamorous and polygamous people speaking up for their rights.

But we’re still on our journey. Equality, liberty, and the right to pursue happiness are, in many places in the US, and at the national government level, still denied to LGBTQ people. Even more so, these rights are denied to the polyamorous and the consanguinamorous.

Let’s keep moving forward so that an adult, regardless of race, religion, sexual orientation, or gender, is free to pursue love, sex, residence and marriage with any and all consenting adults, and not be denied liberty, employment, housing, or anything else.

This isn't just a philosophical thing or a principle. There are people, good people, who are hurt by ongoing discrimination, prejudice, and ignorance. There are people just being themselves, hurting nobody, and people who are in loving, healthy relationships who are being denied their rights, who have to hide who they are or their love for each other, who constantly endure people proclaiming that the love they share is sick or disgusting or makes them worthy of being subjected to abuse or death. There are teenagers who have simply behaved as normal teenagers with each other and haven't hurt anybody (including each other or themselves) who are being lied to and told that nobody else is like them and they are depraved. That's no way to have to live, it certainly isn't liberty, and it squashes the pursuit of happiness.

They need to know they are not alone, and there's nothing wrong with them.

We need independence from hate and ignorance. So let's keep evolving America, and encourage other countries to do the same.

The Dynamics of Cousin Relationships

Cousin relationships are on the edge of the issues addressed by this blog, facing somewhat less prejudice than relationships of closer relatives. Widely different laws from place to place and much ignorance and prejudice linger even as many places accept these relationships. In about half of US states, genetic first cousins (your parent's sibling's child is your first cousin) can legally marry. There are a few states with laws against consensual sex between first cousins, including North and South Dakota, Utah, Texas, Nevada, Kentucky, and Mississippi. The states that neither marry nor criminalize will generally allow first cousins to be together without marriage, as second-class citizens. There is much confusion and ignorance about these matters, so even people who are generally educated might not be aware that first cousins can legally marry, or might be unaware that people are actually thrown into prison for loving each other.

In the US, there is a false notion that marriages between first cousins in a Southern thing, but the varying state laws do not support that idea. Rather, these relationships exist in every region and in every class.