Starting or Joining an Affirming Club at Your School

Not only are school years a time for intense personal discovery and growth, but they are usually a time of intense pressures, including the pressure to conform, and bullying. Some students have a life outside of school that can be downright hellish, and even a not-so-great school environment can be better than where they live.

For those reasons, affirming clubs are critical. Over the years there have been various names for them, such as Gay-Straight Alliances, or Gender and Sexuality Associations, or Diversity clubs, among others. Any club or program that supports gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities in students and their families can be of help. Equity, inclusion, and belonging make a positive difference.

If your school doesn't have such an organization, consider starting one. See here. As a new school year gets underway, don't let your school be without such an organization!

If you school already has one, consider joining and/or supporting it. Student, faculty, and parental support are all needed.

If the administration of your school will not formally sanction such a club, create a club anyway.

Whether starting or joining, please do what you can to make the organization welcoming, inclusive, accepting, and affirming of all whose identity, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or existing relationship (or that of their parents) makes them a target for discrimination or bullying.

Consanguinamory and Cheating

Cheating is breaking the rules of a relationship.

The rules of a relationship are determined by mutual agreement of the people in the relationship.

Cheating can happen whether relationships are supposedly monogamous, monogamish, polyamorous, swinging, or are some form of limited "open" relationship.

Cheating can also intersect with consanguinamory in two basic ways: 

1. Cheating on a non-consanguineous partner with a consanguineous (closely related) partner.

2. Cheating on a consanguineous partner.

In this entry, I want to address the first one: when someone is cheating on a "regular" (non-consang) partner with a close relative or family member.
 
This can happen either because someone who is involved in consanguinamory takes on a "regular" relationship under false pretenses or because someone in a regular relationship starts a consanguinamorous relationship. I've addressed the latter when it involves reunion GSA here. This entry below is mostly about "raised with/by" consanguinamory but can also apply to GSA.

I heartily endorse ethical, disclosed, or consensual nonmonogamy. I don't encourage cheating, and I recommend against making an unwitting beard out of someone by taking them on as an ignorant partner who thinks the relationship is monogamous, to try to hide the fact that you're consanguinamorous. (Here's what I wrote about honestly taking on a regular partner if you're consanguinamorous.) However, I do recognize that consanguinamorous people are under crushing pressure to stay closeted, and that many of the problems with cheating (with a neighbor, coworker, etc.) don't exist or are reduced when the affair partner is a close relative or family member.

Let's consider what those problems with cheating can be:

1) Your partner(s) lose trust in you (if they find out).

2) If you have the kind of relationship with your partner(s) that you talk about everything important to you, you now have changed that.

3) It can cause conflicts of interest and divided loyalties.

4) It might cause you to leave your partner(s), them to leave you, or the destabilizing thinking of that possibility. 

5) It might divert resources, such as time, energy, and money, that would normally go to your partner(s)/spouse(s)/children. This is especially so if a child results from the cheating.

6) It might involve the risk of STIs, especially if those get passed along to your partner(s), who might be unaware of their risk.

7) If the cheating is with a coworker, this can become a very big problem for the other people working there.

8) If the affair partner is destructive of violent, they could visit that upon your partners/family.

9) Nosey or observant people might pick up on the cheating and gossip about it around the neighborhood or office.

When the cheating is with a close relative or family member, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 are either non-existent or minimized. Family members are usually already spending time together and can get together regularly in private without raising suspicions.

That doesn't mean cheating is OK. But it helps to put things in perspective.

When someone falls in love with, or otherwise gets with someone they don't know is consanguinamorous, they were attracted to someone who has a consanguinamorous involvement; they were attracted to a consanguinamorous person, it's just that they didn't know they were consanguinamorous. But consanguinamory is part of what made that person who they are. Again, it doesn't make cheating OK, but it is true.

Things will be better overall when nonmonogamy and consanguinamory gain acceptance and are no longer subjected to bigotry. That will help people be who they are without having to stay closeted or keep their love secret. If you're concerned about where cheating intersects with consanguinamory, help eliminate the prejudices and stigmas that prevent so many people from living authentically and openly. Support relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality.

Is It OK?

A frequently asked question is some variation of "It is OK for me to date my [fill in the blank]?"

It is sometimes asked as "Is it wrong for me to have sex with...?"

The blank is filled with a personal relation, as opposed to a professional contact. A personal relation would be a cousin, stepbrother, sister-in-law, aunt, sibling, or someone else along those lines.

Here is the easiest way to determine if it is OK.

Ask yourself these three questions:

1) Are we both/all capable of consenting?

2) Do we both/all consent to this?

3) Is it compatible with any existing agreement with another or others that we each want to keep intact?

If the answer to all three questions is YES, then it is acceptable or OK. Some people might disapprove, but they don’t have to date or have sex with you or anyone else they don’t want to, and their opinion shouldn’t rule over your love life.

Unfortunately, in many places, there are still unjust laws discriminating against consenting adults for having sex, such as laws against gay sex or consanguineous sex or sex between certain steprelations. So while it is OK on the ethical sense, it might not be legal where you are, at least not yet. That's one of the reasons we are here to speak up for the rights of all adults. Nobody should be criminalized for sharing affection with other consenting adults.

Why Do I Feel This Way?

Has anything like these ever happened to you?

• You wake from from an erotically charged dream, feeling strange or confused because it featured a close relative or family member.
  
  
• You're close to orgasm, whether you're alone or with at least one other person, and thoughts of a relative pop into your head, taking you to climax.
  
  
• You've found yourself admiring your relative "a little too much," whatever the setting or occasion.

If you have experienced anything like any of those, you're not alone. This is more common than many people think, because far more people have such thoughts than will admit to most people they know.

If we're talking about someone who recently came (back) into your life and you were essentially raised through childhood apart, then it could be reunion GSA, which is very common in such situations. See this page for more information. Most of this entry also applies to you, but is more focused on people who were always in each other's life, or for the most part have been.

Is It Normal?

Do These Relationships Work?

A search phrase that once brought someone here on which I want to focus is…

"do incest relationships work"

To answer that, one must describe what means for a relationship to "work."

For some people, a relationship only "works" if it is heterosexual and always monogamous, involves religious and civilly affirmed marriage, produces (or at least raises) children, and lasts until one of the spouses dies.

For me, a relationship "works" if you are, as a whole and excluding artificial negatives like prosecution and discrimination, better off as a result of having been in the relationship. What makes you "better off" is up to you. It could be strictly that you enjoyed this person's company, but it could also be that you had children together, or helped each other grow as people, or made new friends through the other person, or helped each other's careers, or... well, any number of things. A relationship doesn't have to last until death to leave you better off.

A sure sign a relationship isn't working is if one of you is abusing the other, or you're abusing each other.

Over the years, I've been fortunate enough to talk with countless people who've been involved in consanguinamory. A few of them have even been generous enough to be interviewed. For most of the people I've talked with, the relationships have worked. If the consanguinamory is in the past, they have fond memories of the great times that were shared and the emotional growth they had as a result, even the sexual confidence they developed. For many, the relationship continues and provides times of unmatched bliss and intense intimacy, even shared parenting that they have found fulfilling.

So yes, they can and do work.

And, by the way, some of them are heterosexual, always monogamous, produce and raise great people, and last until death, and it is an injustice that they are still discriminated against under the law whether it not they check off any of those boxes.

Juneteenth

June 19 is a holiday in the US. It’s still new as an official holiday, so it’s still not officially observed everywhere it should be.

It’s a celebration of African American freedom.

Freedom is still a work in progress.

For example, African Americans who are LGBTQ+, nonmonogamous, and/or consanguinamorous are still denied basic rights.

Let’s keep evolving so that everyone will have their rights, including the freedom to marry and the freedom to be together how they mutually agree, including sharing love, sex, kink, residence, partnership, and more.

You’re Not Alone - Reach Out

You are welcome to reach out to me. Although there are now, thankfully, many places for LGBTQ+ people and nonmonogamous people to find others and supportive people to talk with, it can still be difficult for people with consanguinamorous feelings or experiences to find someone to talk with.

Anyone can reach out to me, Keith, and I never share what someone tells me privately with anyone else unless you give me permission. Thousands of people have contacted me over the years. You can see for yourself how long this blog has been here.

One of the best ways to reach me is via email: fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com. [Please note that if I will usually respond within a day or less, so if you you don’t see my response, check your spam or junk folder. If you still don’t see a response, try contacting me another way.]

Another great way is Wire messaging app: fullmarriageequality

I’m also in these places, where I can be sent private/direct messages: 

Facebook

X/Twitter

Reddit

Quora

I know there are many people who visit this blog who never reach out, and I understand. Thanks for visiting. Everyone is also welcome to comment, including anonymously, on posts here. You’re also welcome to write to me privately, even if just to say “hi.”

Father’s Day - Sunday, June 16

Sunday, June 16 is Father's Day.

For all men raising or helping (or who have helped) to raise a child, whether you are a biological father, presumed father, grandfather, stepfather, bonus father, adoptive father, foster father or any variation… we wish you a Happy Father’s Day!

A special thanks to fathers who have supported and loved their children who are LGBTQ+, polyamorous, consanguinamorous, or have otherwise faced persecution or oppression because of who they are or the person(s) they love. And you fathers who ARE LGBTQ+, polyamorous, or consanguinamorous, we see you, too.

We offer a note of encouragement to all fathers who can’t legally marry the person(s) they love, but would if they could, or who face bullying due to love or who they are: We will win so that every adult can pursue love, sex, and marriage with any consenting adults.

If you have a good father in your life, are you planning anything special for Father's Day?

Some considerations if you have, or are considering, a more physical relationship with your father...

Two Women Who Are Still Denied a Wedding

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. 

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out of the closet or they’ll face persecution and prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The women interviewed below should be free to legally and publicly marry each other, or simply be together without having to hide, yet they can’t. Prejudice can be deadly. They are consenting adults; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for loving each other this way, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what they have to say about the love they share. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label? 

NOTE: This interview has a brief amount of sexually explicit description.

*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourselves. 

Anna: I'm Anna. I was born in 1990 in Klagenfurt am Wörthersee in the Austrian state of Carinthia with my twin sister. We are the only two children of our parents, who are both entrepreneurs.

Cautious Consanguinamory

So, someone you already love wants to love you more, and you want to love them more; you’re mutually attracted. And you’ve considered the pros and cons and have decided to go for it. You want to add sexual affection to your relationship.

But you feel a need to go slowly.

You could be nervous and very cautious because it is new, because such experiences are an unknown to you, or because you’ve internalized cultural prejudices. 

How do you move forward with care?

Polyamory Pride Day - Tuesday, June 11

Polyamory Pride Day is Tuesday, June 11.

Polyamory is getting more and more visibility, and that's wonderful.

Polyamory is expressed many ways, but it is a category of ethical, disclosed, or consensual non-monogamy. 

During Pride Month, we recognize Polyamory Pride Day to continue to raise awareness, let people know they have options when it comes to relationships, and that polyamory or being polyamorous isn't something of which to be ashamed.

Sadly, so many polyamorous people have to hide who they are due to ongoing prejudices and discrimination. You probably know polyamorous people, whether you know it or not. Polyamorous people are your neighbors and service providers.

Some people identify as polyamorous whether or not they are in a relationship, or only with one partner right now.

There is no good reason someone of any sexual orientation or gender shouldn't be free to share love, sex, kink, residence, or marriage (or unions or partnerships) with any and all consenting adults.

Are you celebrating?

As always, you’re wclome ro comment below, including anonymously.

The Invisible Asterisk

Sometimes, when someone writes (or says) that they support the freedom to marry or, marriage equality, or #Marriage4All, #LoveMustWin,  or “love is love” or something like “The sex lives of consenting adults is nobody else’s business.,” there is an invisible asterisk. You know, one of these: *

What might really be going on is this…

“Consenting adults should be free to marry each other.”*

*Unless you mean something I don’t like or think is disgusting, like polygamy, open marriage, or consensual adult incest.



I don’t do that. There is no asterisk in this statement…

I support the rights of an adult to share love, sex, kink, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

There is no asterisk after “adult.” An “adult” includes any person, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion.

“Any and all” means “any and all”. If an adult woman can vote, be Secretary of State (or Prime Minister, which we don't have in the US), serve as a Governor, be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, sign contracts, enlist in the military, operate heavy machinery, be sentenced to life in prison or the death penalty (which we do have in many places in the US), and can consent to group sex with three cage fighters she just met, it seems to me an adult woman should also be free to have sex with and/or marry any consenting adult(s), even if that means another woman, or two women, or two men, or a woman and a man, or a married man (not hidden from his existing spouse), or her sister, whether an adopted sister, stepsister, half sister, or full blood sister. All of this goes for men, too, of course.

This basic right means all adults having the same right to not marry at all, and to divorce, and to be free of domestic violence. The basic freedom of association should mean that adults can share the entirety of love, sex, residence, and marriaqe, or any of those without the others, and any civil union or domestic partnership that is offered. That’s a funny thing called… equality. There is no good reason to deny equality. Now is the time to get it done.
So, do you support full marriage equality, or marriage “equality”*?

Pledge For Candidates Seeking Elected Office

In November, in addition to choosing the President of the United States for the next four years, some US states will elect their Governor and state legislators. In addition, all of the House of Representatives will be up for election and a third of the Senate.

We should insist political candidates take this pledge:

I, _________, hereby affirm I do and will support the rights of all adults to marriage, domestic partnership, civil union, cohabitation, and personal consortium, and any of those without the others, and that these rights shall not be abridged nor denied by the United States or any state on account of sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, ancestry, consanguinity, affinity, or number of participants; that all should live without discrimination and pursue their consensual relationships with each other regardless of gender, sexuality, or relationship diversities.

Feel free to adapt this to your country, territory, or province.