Facebook, OKCupid, and the Dilemma of Online Services

There have been grumblings in certain circles about OKCupid instituting or enforcing a policy for real names, instead of screen names, to be used. Facebook has taken steps to try to prevent people from using pseudonyms or screen names as their account names. This sort of thing has been an issue with other services.

These services have their reasons, such as collecting demographic information and advertising revenue, and also to try to prevent spammers, scammers, stalkers, bullies, and others with ill intent.

The problem, though, is that many people who don't fit the narrow, vanilla, cisgender, heterosexual, professing monogamist mold often rely on reaching out to others anonymously or with some level of privacy. That's because they face discrimination. Depending on where they are, they may be subject to everything from shunning and disowning by family, loss of employment, loss of housing, harassment and bulling, criminal prosecution, even violence, including to the point of death.

Gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities are harmless, but there are prejudiced people who want to do harm to people based on their gender, their sexual orientation, their relationships, their kinks, or their fetishes.

In a perfect world, everyone could be open and out about who they are and what they like, but we don't live in that world right now, so some people look to connect for networking, friendship, love, or more through these online services, while avoiding the bigoted judgment of their employer, parent, neighbor, or the threat of a stalking ex or rebuffed interest. The harder it is for people to reach out with popular services, they more they will be drawn to alternatives.

Have you had to deal with this problem? You are welcome here and you can comment anonymously below. or use a screen name. You an also private message me at Facebook and I will not share what you tell me. Fortunately, there are a forums for LGBTQ people, the ethically nonmonogamous, people with fetishes and kinks, and for the consanguinamorous.

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah (belated), Yuletide Greetings, Solstice Salutations, Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays!

Whatever holidays you celebrate(d), or even if you don't celebrate any, We wish you a fabulous season full of warmth and love.

May you and your loved ones have peace, health, and happiness.

I plan to update this blog as I can over the holidays, so keep checking back. Or better yet, subscribe in the column over there on the right if you haven't done so yet.

Bigots Protect Bigotry

See Jane's latest for what is an outrageous move by bigots.

Submitted - The Double Loves Series: Eddie and Jocelyn

Here's something different for this blog. Someone has submitted a short story. Yes, we do take submissions, including fiction, whether text or cartoons or illustrations. Nonfiction such as "confessions," commentaries, reports, and case study updates are also welcome, as long as they deal with the topics of this blog, support equality, and are SAFE FOR WORK. If you want to submit anything, you can email to the address fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com. Once you send us something, whether it is used on the blog is entirely up to us and there will be no material compensation. We are willing to give you credit and link to anywhere you want us to link.


*****

The Double Loves Series:  Eddie and Jocelyn

By Martin Witt

18 year old Edward Paul Shepherd left his small hometown of Corinth and was on his way to his freshmen year of college.  His heart was racing with excitement as he flipped on the turn signals to take the exit off the interstate.  Eddie, as friends and family called him, pulled up to the intersection and looked both ways.  In his eagerness to get this new phase of his life going he miscalculated the speed and distance of the traffic coming towards him.  He pulled out and tried to accelerate ahead of the cars closing in on him.  Unfortunately he couldn’t.  There was a crash.   Eddie was critically injured and the other driver died at the scene.


Eddie’s new phase of life was not what he expected.  He was in the hospital for several weeks, with doctors not sure if he’d survive.  The young man was strong however, and he did survive.  Several months in a rehabilitation center gave him the ability to have a reasonable quality of life.  Eddie’s college career finally got started, but he didn’t find it as exciting as he once did. 


While Eddie was physically healed, the guilt he felt for causing the death of another person stayed with him for a long time.  Eddie saw a therapist in hopes of dealing with his emotional trauma.  He didn’t find it beneficial.  Finally, however, Eddie’s therapist suggested he make apologies to the widow of the man who died in the accident. Eddie wasn’t sure he could, but it felt like something he had to do. 


More than a year and a half after the accident Eddie found himself at a modest homelocated on Thebes Street.  It belonged to the late Mr. Laurence King whose death Eddiefelt responsible.  The door opened and there stood the widow, Mrs. Jocelyn King.  Eddie introduced himself and explained why he’d come.  He fully expected Mrs. King to slam the door in his face.   Instead, however, she was kind and welcomed Eddie inside.


Jocelyn heard what Eddie had to say.  She felt his sincerity and accepted his apology.  Eddie felt an immense load taken off his shoulders.  Jocelyn told Eddie that she appreciated his visit, but he was young and still had his entire life ahead.  She told him to let go of the guilt he and move on with his life.  Eddie promised he would.


As Eddie prepared to leave Jocelyn welcomed him to visit her anytime he wanted.  When Eddie left the yard Jocelyn was certain she’d never see him again.  She was wrong.  Eddie did visit, and he visited often.  At first Eddie’s visits were merely to help with simple chores and tasks since Jocelyn had no children of her own.  Jocelyn assumed the young man was working off his guilt.  Before long, however, Eddie’s visits grew beyond chores and conscience clearing.


Though Jocelyn was his senior by at least 20 years, Eddie found her attractive.  Their difference in age began to matter less and less.  Jocelyn realized that the boy was becoming attracted to her.  She feared it was going to lead nowhere good, but Jocelyn felt unable to send her young suitor away.  What woman would not enjoy the attentions of a good looking young man? 


Time passed.  Eddie and Jocelyn grew closer.  Their love became undeniable, though both tried to resist what was happening.  One night when all the stars were in perfect alignment Eddie and Jocelyn found themselves in bed.  Though it was Eddie’s first time Jocelyn found his lovemaking skills more than adequate.


As Jocelyn enjoyed every bit of pleasure that Eddie’s body, youth and stamina offered her, she floated back to the day he showed up at her doorstep.  She thought of every time he visited after that.  Jocelyn remembered watching the young man mow her lawn shirtless and the reactions it caused in her body.  She remembered every compliment he gave her regarding her appearance.  Those compliments inspired Jocelyn to fix herself up a bit so to net more of the boy’s attentions.  Looking back, Jocelyn should have seen all this coming.  She was in love.  It was unexpected, but an amazing love to be sure.


Eddie’s mind was racing to process everything that was happening.  Making love to Jocelyn snapped the last chain of guilt that bound him.  He had let go and was moving into a new phase of his life.  It was unexpected, but an amazing phase to be sure.  He was in love with the most beautiful and kind woman he’d ever known.  His life was perfect. 


The weekend that followed Eddie’s college graduation saw him and Jocelyn married.   No two people ever appeared more perfectly matched than Eddie and Jocelyn.  Their marriage was mythological to all who knew them.  Their love expanded exponentiallyover the years and their family grew.  Jocelyn gave Eddie four beautiful daughters.  The young father was very proud of his family.


One day Eddie received some tragic news.  While on their way to visit him, Eddie’sparents, Mr. and Mrs. Paul Shepherd, were murdered during a carjacking.  By coincidence it was at the same intersection where Eddie’s miscalculation killed Mr. King years prior.  Once the funerals and estate issues were settled, Eddie set out to find the persons who killed his parents.  He patiently worked with the police and investigators to leave no stone unturned.  It took a long time, but eventually the bandits were brought to justice.


Several items that belonged to his parents were recovered along with their car.  One of those items was a jewelry box.  It was precious to his mom and Eddie was glad to get it back.  While everything of any value was long gone, there was a secret compartment that contained a document.  It was a certificate of adoption.  Eddie had no idea.  He was filled with mixed emotions by the revelation.  He surmised that the purpose of his parents’ visit was the share that bit of information with him. 


Eddie tried to learn to live with the reality that the people he thought were his parents were not.  He found, however, that he could not live without knowing who his biological parents were and why they gave him up.  So Eddie set out to find them.  While Jocelyn urged him to move on, she supported his efforts.  The search led nowhere for Eddie until his eldest daughter, Antonia, suggested a DNA survey.  With no other avenues to pursue, Eddie and his family all submitted samples to a company called Delphi, a DNA history firm.  The results come back to reveal that Eddie and Jocelyn are more than husband and wife, but mother and son also.


The information was devastating to the entire family.  Eddie more than anything wanted to know how this happened at all since Jocelyn had no children prior to their marriage.  Jocelyn explained that before she and her first husband, Laurence, were married, he was a seminary student.  Laurence had hopes of becoming a minister.  While he and Jocelyn were still engaged, however, Jocelyn got pregnant.   The seminary’s Dean of Students, as if some all knowing oracle, advised Laurence to “get rid of 'it' or that ends your plans for a life as a minister.”  The impressionable young Laurence did as the Dean advised   When their son was born, they gave him up for adoption and never spoke of him again.


However, Laurence was never “right” after that.  It wasn’t long before the mental and emotional problems began to haunt him.  Surely guilt and some warped religious advice were responsible.  Laurence was convinced that his son was out to kill him.  A psychiatrist prescribed medication to keep Laurence functional, but he’d stopped taking it and was in a delirium on the day he crossed paths with Eddie at that intersection.


Eddie was angry beyond belief.  Killing his father and marrying his mother sounded like something from a Greek tragedy, yet it was his and his family’s reality.  There was no way to process this alone, but even more tragic was the fact that there was nowhere to turn for support.  This situation was no one’s fault, yet everyone involved would be held responsible in the eyes of a judgmental world.


Jocelyn considered killing herself.   Eddie wanted to gouge out his eyes as he could not bare to look at his family. However, inside them both rested a spark that could not be extinguished by any sort of peer, cultural or religious pressure.  Eddie and Jocelyn were in love.  It was not just as husband and wife, but as mother and son also.  It was a double love they shared.  Whether brought together by fate, the Divine or some strange mysterious workings of genetics, they were in love.  That double love was what countedand through whatever came that same double love would be their anchor and elixir.


It took a long time to resolve all the cognitive and social dissonances surrounding their consanguinamoreous relationship, but through the mysterious and nondiscriminatory powers of human love, Eddie P. King and his family did find a way to live happily ever after.



The End


*****
It's an interesting update to classic mythology, no?

Please note, as this is a submission, I'm assuming it doesn't violate any copyrights.

SPOILERS - Star Wars Can Still Advance Marriage Equality

You know the drill. If you haven't seen "Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi" yet and don't want any of it spoiled, just skip over this entry.

Consanguinamorous in Orientation

As we observe and research people and their experiences with consanguinamory, it is becoming clear that some people, more than others, are oriented towards consanguinamorous relationships. For more about this, see Jane's latest great essay.

Two Men Denied Their Rights

Jane has another interview with a man denied his right to marry.

Lifelong Double Love

Our dear friend Jane has published a heartwarming interview by a woman who has found lifelong love in a consanguinamorous relationship. Read it here.

World AIDS Day

December 1 is World AIDS Day. It is very important to remember those we've lost to AIDS, to care for anyone battling AIDS, and to care for anyone with HIV.

We must continue to work for a cure and continue to fight the spread of HIV.

We should also never forget that stigmas, ignorance, bigotry, sex-negative attitudes and shaming have helped spread HIV and AIDS.

Let's continue to work for a better culture in which people aren't shamed and marginalized for their sexuality, nor stigmatized for getting sick.

It's Thanksgiving Week in the US

This national holiday always falls on the fourth Thursday of November.

Thanksgiving Day is a huge holiday in the US, centered mainly around a special family meal. In case you haven't noticed, Americans like to eat a lot. Since Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday, Friday is a holiday as well (at least as far as the government is concerned). Because Thanksgiving is considered to specifically be about family togetherness, it can be a painful time for those who have been rejected by their family because of their gender identity, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or choice in partner(s). Some LGBTQ people, polyamorous people, and those in consanguineous, intergenerational, or interracial relationships are reminded every year that even their own family hates them.

Some people make the best of this and plan a Thanksgiving meal with friends. I throw out a special “good for you” to anyone who hosts such a meal this holiday. Keep up the good work. I think such gatherings are much more enjoyable anyway. If you don't have one to go to, consider hosting your own!

But I also have words for anyone who has driven away or banned someone in their family because of that other family member’s identity, orientation or partner(s): Shame on you. You don’t have to like your family member’s sexuality or how they live. But you should reach out to them and support them instead of driving them away. Every person at that table does things you don’t like. Why single out a family member for punishment because of who they love? If your family member has a partner whose family is more accepting, guess who is going to win? Guess who is going to get to play with any grandkids/nieces/nephews? Not you. Think about it. Maybe it isn't too late to make amends and have them over for this year's holiday. This might help.

If you can’t go “home” for Thanksgiving and you are feeling down and you haven’t managed to make plans with friends, consider hosting your own Thanksgiving and invite some friends. Or, volunteer at a homeless shelter or some other charity location that will be helping people that day. Don’t allow sadness or loneliness to take hold. You can find a place where you will be welcomed.

Do you have any special plans for this holiday week? Are you going to be coming out, or trying to start or rekindle something with someone special? You can comment anonymously below or write an email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

Australian Leadership Can Make a Bold Move for Equality

The people of Australia have made it clear they support the rights of more people to marry. Those of us on the right side of history are happy to see more people around the world being free to have the relationships to which they mutually agree and to live out their gender identity. The leadership of the country can make a bold move for equality and take a leadership position in civil rights by bringing about full marriage equality.

This blog, and the related Facebook page, calls for relationship rights for all adults, including full marriage equality. When we say that an adult should be free to marry any and all consenting adults, we actually mean it. We have not hidden that.

As we see, there is no good argument against full marriage equality. So let's stand up for the rights of ALL adults to have the relationships to which they mutually agree.

BREAKING: Australians Vote For More Freedom to Marry

Hooray for Australians for voting to increase the freedom to marry!

Keep evolving towards full marriage equality!

When Bad Reactions Cause Harm

I answer a submission on this blog's sister Tumblr. It is from a man who was in a consanguinamorous relationship with his sister.

Veterans Day

Today is the Veterans Day holiday in the US.

I can’t help but think of the men and women who risked their lives (and those who gave them) and endured so many things in service to their country, who weren’t and haven’t been free to be who they really are and share their lives openly with the person or persons they love.

Recent years have brought progress, and we have to fight to keep what we've gained while still looking for more progres. Problematic laws and policies remain, and, of course, LGBTQ people, the polyamorous and consanguinamorous still endure the the threat of prosecution, persecution, or discrimination.

Shouldn’t someone who risked their life for this county be able to marry more than one person, or a biological relative? Or at least share a life with the person(s) he or she loves without a fear that their own government will be against them? Is bravery and valor negated if a man loves more than one woman, or his long lost sister? Shouldn’t a woman who served be free to marry both of the women she loves?

Let’s thank our veterans, especially those who are still being treated as second class citizens.

Update on Unjust Prosecution in Oklahoma

Here's an update on an a reunion GSA case we last covered in this entry. As reported by Nolan Clay at newsok.com...

A woman who married her mother has pleaded guilty to incest and been put on probation.

Misty Velvet Dawn Spann, 26, pleaded guilty Tuesday in Stephens County District Court to the felony charge.

Better probation than prison, but this shouldn't be a crime in the first place.

She was sentenced to 10 years of probation and ordered to get counseling. She also must pay a $1,000 assessment, a $991 fee and court costs.

Outrageous. Adults have a fundamental right to marry.

Misty Spann and her mother, Patricia Ann Spann, 44, married in Lawton in March 2016 and lived together in Duncan, records show.

The two were charged in September 2016 after a DHS child welfare worker learned of the relationship and reported it to Duncan police.

Who was being harmed???

The incest charge against the mother is still pending.

The marriage was annulled last month after a judge concluded the mother had induced her daughter "by fraud to enter the marriage."

In her request for the annulment, Misty Spann complained her mother claimed to have "consulted with three separate attorneys who advised there would be no problem with the marriage."

Notice that's not "I don't want to be married," but rather that she thought it was legally OK.

The mother told the DHS worker she "had looked into it" and felt no laws had been violated "because her name was no longer listed on Misty's birth certificate," police reported.

Thankfully, the vast majority of consanguinamorous relationships aren't brought to the attention of law enforcement and prosecuted. Like it or not, there are genetic mothers and daughters who are, as you're reading this, hugging, kissing, making love, sleeping together and you'll never find out who they are and you'll never stop them. Some of them might even be "legally" married. Some are married in every way but other the law.

UPDATE March 15, 2018

If you're in a consanguinamrous relationship, you need to protect yourself and your lover(s).

Now May Be the Time for New Jersey and Rhode Island to Make History

Yesterday was an “off year” Election Day in the US, meaning there were a few state and local elections.

Soon, members of the Democratic Party will have the Governorships of both New Jersey and Rhode Island and majorities in both houses of each state’s legislatures. Democratic Party legislative goals can be reached by the passing of laws that will be signed, rather than vetoed, by the Democrat Governors. Out of the two major political parties in the US. the Democratic Party was more supportive of progressing towards marriage equality.

Neither of these states have criminal laws against consanguinamory.

This legislative session coming up may be the best time for the states to modernize their marriage laws to bring them in line with full marriage equality. They should repeal any law that prevents consenting adults from marrying and positively affirm the rights of adults, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, to marry any and all consenting adults.

This could lead to a case that could go to the Supreme Court, and the Court could rule in a way that removes laws discriminating against ethical nonmonogamy and consanguinamory. The Court currently has the same philosophical composition that moved marriage laws closer to full marriage equality in 2015. How much longer this will be the case is uncertain, but it is possible the Court could become less friendly to civil rights if the current President has the opportunity to replace any more members of the Court.

A window will soon be open that could allow for a great advancement of civil rights. Will the leaders of New Jersey and Rhode Island have the courage to make history and bring about full marriage equality in their states and, possibility, nationwide?

If they need  inspiration, try this:

The right to marry or to personal consortium shall not be abridged or denied in this state on account of sex, gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, ancestry, consanguinity, affinity, or number of participants.

Epic Takedown of Hater by Polyamorous Consanguinamorous Mom

In addition to having a lot of fetishists, Tumblr appears to also have some people in actual consanguinamorous relationships. Some of their blogs are NSFW, and others are relatively SFW, like the sister blog to this very blog you're reading. Here's a text entry at a Tumblr, "Mommy With A Crush," which is a generally NSFW blog. This text entry, however, should be reblogged and sent all over. "Mommy With A Crush" is about a mother in a relationship with her son, and in this entry she responds to an anonymous (of course) hater who sent a message to berate her and say he hopes her blog is fake...

Up until about 2 years ago, I would have been right there with you. I grew up in a very religious, conservative home. And, to a somewhat lesser degree, that is the home that my husband and I have established for our family because he had a similar background to mine. In that kind of environment, my reaction would have been the same as yours: outrage and disgust.

Feelings of disgust are understandable. If someone has a strong Westermack Effect in their life, they're going to feel disgust about the thought of having sex with their own close relatives. The problem comes when they insist everyone else has to feel the same way about their own close relatives. Not everyone does, and the disgust of persons A, B, and even C should not interfere in the love lives of person Y and Z.

But then, almost two years ago, I suddenly had to start dealing with feelings that I discovered inside myself that flew in the face of my beliefs. I did not ask to have those feelings, nor were they secret desires I’d hidden for a long time. They were simply a development of what I already felt toward my son in a direction I never expected them to go. And yes, they terrified me and disgusted me too. And, like you, I was very judgemental and negative toward myself for having those feelings.

More people find themselves in this situation than most people think.

Shame on Independent Women's Forum For Sloppy Hate

IWF fell into the same hate trap as some others just did, as we documented here. This time the attack on those experiencing Genetic Sexual Attraction is from Patrice Lee Onwuka.

TRIGGER WARNING: Bigotry and talk about abuse/sexual assault.

Haters Don't Bother to Check the Date on Articles Before Screaming

Cosmo recently tweeted a link to an article that was in Cosmo back in October 30, 2015 (and sister publications about the same time), and the foaming-at-the-mouth knuckle-draggers, not bothering to notice the date on the article, erupted in hate-filled attacks insisting this had to do with other things that have happened in the last few weeks. And of course the tweets and commentaries by the bigots were cheered on by a bunch of prejudiced hypocrites who took a break from masturbating to sibling sex in Game of Thrones long enough to pile on with the hate.

The original article was about a reunion GSA case and we covered that at the time. Of course none of these anti-equality discriminators had a good reason to deny the right of consenting adults. That's because there isn't one.

Brandon Morse at redstate.com wrote this...

DISGUSTING: Cosmo Is Now Trying to Normalize Sibling Incest

Fake news!

In an article titled “This Is What It’s Like to Fall In Love With Your Brother,” Cosmo recounts the tale of the troubled “Melissa,” a woman who didn’t know she had a brother for 40 years, until one day she learned she did.

OK.

Cosmo doesn’t make any effort to say this practice is immoral, disgusting,

Why should they? It should be legal and they should have the right to marry.

Cosmo looks at Melissa’s plight with something that goes beyond tolerance, and may even border on sympathetic.

Oh no! Sympathy! For someone blindsided by an overwhelming phenomenon! How dare they!

Paul Bois then picked up the ball and fumbled again, also not bothering to check the date. He wrote at dailywire.com...

Just a little over a week after it said white girls were forbidden to wear Princess Moana costumes for Halloween, Cosmo managed to out-ridiculous itself by normalizing incest.

How embarrassing. These sheep don't bother to think or do basic observation or research.

The comments from the bigots were full of reasoned consideration. Just kidding!

NuttyCatLady
eeeewwwwww!

That's pretty much their "argument" against equality and rights. Which is why we will have full marriage equality.

GSA Siblings Featured in Good Housekeeping

[This is being bumped up from 2015 because a recent tweet to the article by Cosmo set off controversy all over again.] Also, in sister publications Esquire and Cosmopolitan. Yup, Asher Fogle and her publishing employers are probably receiving all sorts of bigoted hate mail right now. Here's the article that is getting the prejudiced discriminators foaming at the mouth.


It's a feature that involves Genetic Sexual Attraction.

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Two days later, Melissa drove two hours at night during a Monday Midwestern snowfall to meet her brother. And when she saw him standing in the frigid air outside his office building, she felt a connection that was instantaneous and electric.

"It was love at first sight, absolutely the craziest thing I have ever experienced," Melissa says. "The sexual force was like I was levitating off the earth. Your body instantly craves the other person."

The feeling was mutual: The pair shyly hugged and they had trouble looking at each other, in part because it was like gazing in a mirror, they looked so similar. "It was trippy, like seeing yourself in the opposite form," Brian says. "Everything inside you is just vibrating. Your cells know that this is your person."

The article does explore the possible science behind GSA.

Social scientists and psychologists have long researched how societies' prohibition against incest evolved: It's essentially nature's way of protecting humans from passing along the genetic mutations and disease risks that happen more commonly with close relatives, explains Dr. Debra Lieberman, a professor of Psychology at the University of Miami. The dominant theory, first proposed by Finnish social scientist Edward Westermark, is that people become desensitized to those they are raised alongside.

"Westermarck's hypothesis and my research have shown that siblings use clues like living under the same roof and being cared for the same parents to develop a sexual aversion," Lieberman says. "But if you don't grow up together, no aversion naturally develops."

And not everyone who does grow up together experiences the Westermarck Effect.

The flip side is something Lieberman calls her "template hypothesis." All people form a template for the world based on the people and their surroundings during development: what men and women look like, what their roles are, etc. Then, they seek that out in a mate. This is common for non-related couples, too, psychologist and sex expert Isadora Alman notes.

"Many couples experience the feeling of being instantly attracted to someone that is familiar in some way, whether it's a physical reminder of someone beloved or something else they can't put their finger on," Alman says. "Love at first sight is a real phenomenon."

But it's been suggested that this feeling is even stronger for consanguineous (a.k.a. related) couples, especially those who don't develop the ick factor from growing up together. Why? "Genes tend to shape our preferences, talents, and attitudes — and familiarity creates comfort, so we look for someone similar," Lieberman says. "For siblings, this drives an enhanced sexual attraction." Which is exactly what happened to Melissa and Brian.

This is an issue that can't be ignored. It is going to happen more and more over the next few decades. As expected, the ignorant and the bigoted haters are commenting on the article, but they are throwing in red herrings at best, and otherwise are using Discredited Arguments. There is no good reason they shouldn't be free to be together.

Start reading through our series on myths about GSA.

Happy Halloween

Is it true what I've heard, that outside the US Halloween is no big deal? Halloween is October 31 and it is celebrated widely and diversely here in the US.

Do you have any special plans for Halloween? Have you done or will you do anything fun or interesting this year at a Halloween party or event?

Here in the states, the stores depend on Halloween to sell a lot of merchandise. There are parties, costume contests, what amounts to theatre in front of (and inside, sometimes) the homes of people as they try to scare or entertain neighbors and strangers with things ranging from silly to sexy, spooky to gory. In some places, kids (and often parents) in costumes go from door to door collecting candy or other treats.

Many amusement parks, ranging from small to the largest, do special entertainment in the weeks leading up to Halloween, and this is a favorite time of the year for movie studios to release horror movies, and for broadcasters to show ones from years past.

For some, there are religious or spiritual aspects to the day, and it might be called by other names.

Some interesting things can happen when people are having fun at costume parties, or cuddled up together watching scary movies.

So, as always, feel free to comment or share your stories.

A Note to Readers and Contacts

Thank you for visiting the blog, and a special thanks to all of you have have left comments and even more so to those of you who've reached out and connected via email, Twitter, Facebook, or Tumblr.

This blog is a labor of love. It is not how I earn my living. Also, there are a very few of us bloggers but so many of you in the community. As such, even though I count so many of you as friends, sometimes I can't initiate conversations or keep conversations going. Please don't take it personally. It would help a great deal if you'd send me messages to let me know how you are doing, because I do care. And if you're a reader who has never contacted me, you're also encouraged to write to me.

Anyone can write me at either of these email addresses:

fullmarriageequality at Protonmail dot com

fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com

Thank you! I hope to hear from you soon with an update on how you are, or something you want to run by me, or with your suggestions or success reports... really, with anything.

Still No Good Reason to Deny the Right to Marry

In August of this year, Tom Head decided to respond at thoughtco.com to "10 Really Bad Arguments Against Same-Sex Marriage" by the American Family Association. Since the limited monogamous same-sex freedom to marry was legalized over two years prior, I'm not sure why this was published  in August, unless it was intended for people in Australia or other places that need to get moving on marriage equality.

Unfortunately, Head throws ethical nonmonogamists who want to marry under the bus with this one...

Argument #2: Polygamy Will Follow If Same-Sex Marriage Is Legalized

Whether or not there's a connection between polygamy and homosexuality, there's been no proof of this since same-sex marriage was legalized in June 2015. Even if the concern had a rational basis and polygamy rates were to suddenly spike, there's a simple solution – propose a constitutional amendment banning polygamy.  

Head's response to what is essentially Discredited Argument #7 should have been "So what"?

What's the problem with letting an adult marry any and all consenting adults? That's called...

E-Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y

As we see, there is no good argument against full marriage equality. Let's stand up for the rights of ALL adults to have the relationships to which they mutually agree.

There Is No Good Reason to Deny the Consanguineous Freedom to Marry

Over and over again, we see there is no good reason to deny people in consanguinamorous relationships their right to be together, including their freedom to marry. There is no good reason to deny full marriage equality for all adults.

Anti-equality bigots don't have good arguments, so instead of arguing they'll usually say, after making their ignorant assertion, something like "I'm not going to discuss this any further!" or they'll try to insult the person who disagrees with their hateful, prejudiced statements.

Repeating the same prejudiced assertion over and over again isn't an argument.

The rhetorical equivalents of jumping up and down, rolling eyes, pointing, and saying "See! We said this would happen!" is not an argument.

Recently [a while ago now], a bunch of sister publications profiled a couple who are Friends of FME and Friends of Lily and even more recently, professional anti-equality websites printed reactions because they knew it would get them a lot of hits. Their readers actually like to read about these relationships, as is obvious from their reactions and comments. Of course they claim to protest, but their actions betray them. They read, and then shriek into the echo chamber a few of the usual Discredited Arguments, often #1, 4, 18, and 22.

They don't bother to consider that the couple in the article not only were not raised together, but didn't even know of each others' existence until they were heading for middle age. The haters don't bother to take into account this couple will not be having children. They do not grasp that saying "they'll have mutant babies!" doesn't apply because they're not going to be having babies together. (These people often have much ignorance about human sexuality and reproduction.)

I replied to the tweets from the official accounts, and that prompted some rabid haters to attack me. They kept repeating Discredited Arguments 1, 18, and 22 and restating what they thought was going on, as if these were reasons the lovers shouldn't be together. They kept addressing me as though I was someone in the article, demonstrating a lack of a grasp on basic reality.

I detail the Twitter exchanges below, but I offer a TRIGGER WARNING because of their bigotry, which includes transphobia, homophobia, ableism, anti-equality, anti-consanguinity, and sexual assault.

Oregon Still Wasting Resources Prosecuting Consenting Adults

Here's an update on lovers we last covered on this blog over two years go.

Why are the authorities in Oregon still wasting time, energy, and money prosecuting consenting adults for loving each other? This doesn't help anything. It just makes things worse, and is unconstitutional.

Coming Out Day

Even with the US Supreme Court decision bringing all states online with the limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry, and some recent laws enacted for the protection and rights of LGBT people in the US and other countries, life can be tough for someone whose identity and orientation doesn’t fit in to a little heterosexual, monogamous, "traditional"-gender-role box or whose relationship doesn’t meet the local sex police’s approved standards. Sometimes, a person or the people in a relationship want to come out of the closet. Sometimes they need to come out. For some of these people, it is a little less difficult if they do so as part of a communal event, such as National Coming Out Day.

National Coming Out Day is today, October 11. Here’s the official website, at least for the US. There is much helpful information there, regardless of where you live.

The more people that come out, the more the others around them will realize they do know and appreciate people who are LGBT, or polyamorous, or consanguinamorous, and that such people and relationships deserve equality. So coming out helps progress.

On the other hand, it is understandable that any given person, couple, triad, or quad decides to stay in the closet for now. There’s still so much hate, so much prejudice and persecution, and even unjust laws that hinder the life and love of people who are good citizens and just want to be themselves. I support the decision of anyone who believes they need to be reserved for now for the sake of their safety and family.

The decision to come out is yours. Do you want to come out, and to whom? Your friends? Your family? Your coworkers? Your classmates? Your neighbors? Your crush? The whole world?

Also, if someone comes out to you, the decision to be an ally is yours. If your classmate, coworker, neighbor, friend, parent, child, or sibling comes to you and says they are gay, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, pansexual, transgender, polyamorous, or in a consanguinamorous relationship, what will you do? Will you choose love and acceptance?

Even if you are heterosexual, monogamous, and nonconsanguinamorous, you may want to come out as an ally for full marriage equality. That alone can take courage, but it helps.

If you are planning to come out, or you do come out, please feel free to share your experience here by commenting.

Advice on Coming Out as Polyamorous to Your Parents

Since claimed (serial) monogamy is usually presented as the default relationship model, polyamorists sometimes have a need to come out to others, including their parents. Miri Mogilevsky has some advice at everydayfeminism.com about coming out to your parents.

So you’ve discovered that you’re polyamorous.

Maybe you’re already seeing more than one partner, or you’re hoping or planning to. Maybe you’re in a monogamous relationship that you want to open up. Maybe you’ve already told a few close friends, or your entire Facebook friends list.

If you're doing these things, your parents are probably figuring it out already, at least on some level.

1. Show Them Some 101 Resources

You don’t have to do all the work of explaining polyamory to your parents yourself. Luckily, many have already invented that particular wheel.

olyamorous educator Franklin Veaux provides a useful introduction to polyamory at his website, More Than Two. This PDF by Cherie L. Ve Ard and Franklin Veaux includes both a glossary and some common polyamory myths. The books Opening Up, More Than Two, and The Ethical Slut include lots of introductory material for those who don’t know much about polyamory and could be great gifts if you think your parents might want a more in-depth explanation.

Many cities also have local groups that have events and meetings, some of which are geared towards people who are curious or apprehensive about polyamory and hoping to learn more. If you think this might help your parents, you can try searching Meetup for a group in their area.

Go read through the rest of it if you have any interest. It is helpful. Be prepared for the standard arguments people try to make against polyamory.

The Family Business

Consanguinamory has always been depicted on our stories because it has always been a part of life. But what about when the story itself doesn't have consanguinamory, but the performers are close relatives playing love interests? Rose Moore at screenrant.com noted "15 Times Siblings Played Love Interests In Movies and TV"...

Yes, you read that correctly: real brothers and sisters have portrayed characters who want to do the nasty with each other, and several have even included full-blown make outs or steamy bedroom scenes.

The nasty? Sibling consanguinamory is often a beautiful thing.

9. Sophie and Eloise Lovell Anderson (The Bastard Executioner) Disturbing as it may be, there’s a long-accepted male fantasy that involves bedding twin sisters – either separately, or at the same time. For most, it’s something that stays firmly in the fantasy realm, or is pulled out for a sitcom punch-line. However, real-life twin sisters Sophie and Eloise Lovell Anderson brought that fantasy to life in The Bastard Executioner, where the two play twin prostitutes.

The scheming Clara and Ramona decided to use their sexy similarities to seduce a target into having a threesome with them. The scene wasn’t just implied, either, but a graphic sex sequence that includes both girls naked in bed with their conquest, and making out not just with the man, but with each other as well.

Rose Moore really, really wants to make it clear she finds this all disgusting.

7. Pepi and Ruth Hermine (Putney Swope)
This satirical black comedy about the advertising business, racism, and corporate corruption was an arthouse hit when it was released in 1969 – but it includes one particularly incestuous scene where siblings aren’t just portraying a married couple, but share a loving kiss in bed.
Putney Swope’s President of the United States was portrayed by Pepi Hermine, while his (nameless) First Lady was played by his own sister, Ruth Hermine. One of their scenes involved the two getting into bed and kissing each other with real gusto, and leaving the rest to the audience’s imagination. Director Robert Downey Sr. revealed that he didn’t realize that the two were brother and sister when he cast them, but said that when he found out “it made it twice as funny”.

Yes... funny.

3. Meret and Ben Becker (The Harmonist)

Meret and Ben Becker may not be as well known as some of the other Hollywood families on this list, but these siblings share one of the steamiest love scenes of any real-life relatives on the big screen.

The two starred opposite each other in The Harmonists, a semi-fictional film about the rise and fall of a popular vocal group in Germany in the 1930s. Ben Becker stars as Robert Biberti, one third of a love triangle completed by another Harmonist, Harry, and Meret Becker’s Erna Eggstein. Both men fall in love with Erna, and although she begins the movie in love with Harry (and the two even consummate their romance), he cannot commit to her. Robert, his confident friend, ends up wooing her instead, and the two have a secret affair, including a passionate on-screen kiss… between a real-life brother and sister.

And finally...

1. Chyler Leigh and Christopher Khayman Lee (Kickboxing Academy)

Sorry folks, but we have indeed shared the worst for last. Forgive us.

Chyler Leigh may have made a name for herself in great shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Supergirl, but she’s also been in a couple pretty awful things as well – and topping the list of bad movies has to be Kickboxing Academy. This ‘90s teen rip-off of The Karate Kid stars Leigh as Cindy, a student at (you guessed it) Kickboxing Academy, a school preparing to take on their rival martial arts academy.

Also appearing in the film is her real-life brother, Christopher Khayman Lee, who plays ex-kickboxer Danny… and his own sister’s romantic lead. (You might recognize him from his days as the Red Ranger Andros from Power Rangers In Space.) Throughout the film, the two have several make-out sessions, at a time when she was only fifteen, and he was nineteen – and in a role that clearly should have been given to someone less… related… to the star.

Notice that these are all somewhat mainstream, not professional or amateur porn or erotica. There's plenty of such videos which claim to feature actual close relatives as performers. In these mainstream productions, unlike with porn, the performers are usually concentrating so much on their lines and movements, surrounded by crew and equipment, to the point it doesn't feel sexy to them at all. But I do wonder how many of them practiced in private to make it look as convincing as possible on the screen?

This also reminds me that just about everyone who has ever had nude/love scenes in movies or on stage or appeared nude in magazines (remember those?) or on websites has had living close relatives, most of whom have no doubt seen at least some of the imagery. I wonder how many consanguinamorous relationships have their generation in that?

None of this is to be confused with unrelated actors playing siblings while the actors had things for each other. That has been more common than people might think, and always has been. For a couple of old examples, there are scenes in the original Beverly Hills, 90210 in which Shannen Doherty can barely hide her lust for Jason Priestly, but in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," Mathew Broderick and Jennifer Grey do a much better job of avoiding giving off those vibes.

Some comments were left after the article...

Admiral Kirk

Dear Screenrant,
Despite the most popular show on television showcasing incest, it is NOT part of acceptable culture. Please refrain from writing articles (false and baseless ones at that) about this offensive subject.

Just because pop culture has brought it to the fore front of conversation does not mean it needs to be talked about. Please, please stop it. UGH.

I wonder if that person realizes that there are no doubt people in his life who are consanguinamorous? People his admires and respects?

Frankly, is way past time for Hollywood to seriously challenge the oppression of consanguinamorous people. There are actors, writers, directors, producers, and everyone else involved in making movies and television shows who have experience with consanguinamory, and it would be great if they would speak up and put their experiences into some sensitive productions.

Why Polyamory Will Gain Acceptance Faster

It’s not going to take as long for polyamorists to get our freedoms, including the freedom to marry, as it is taking (monogamist) gays and lesbians.

First, I need to have a bit of clarification here. Polyamory has always been around with some public awareness, whatever forms it has taken or whichever labels have been applied, especially if we go with the broad term ethical nonmonogamy instead.

What I mean is that in the US, as well as many other countries, there was a sustained period of trying to force everyone, or at least everyone but the elite, into heterosexual, gender-roled, married monogamy with spouses that were “acceptable” by class, race, religion, etc. Those deemed not suitable for marriage were often kept out of public life in general. For example, people with certain disabilities were expected to stay home or be institutionalized so as to not cause discomfort to people who would be uneasy around them. That oppression is in the process of being dismantled. We are ending the prosecutions, the persecutions, the stigmatizing, and everything else that makes it so people go into hiding (or hiding an important part of who they are) because of who they are and who they love.

Polyamorists haven't had a "Stonewall" moment. Many people cite the Stonewall Riots of 1969 as the start of gay and lesbian people fighting back against such persecution. It has been 44 years and same-gender couples are still barred from legally marrying in most US states and LGBT people still need employment protections (ENDA). But the momentum is rapidly building, especially with the recent Supreme Court actions on DOMA and PropH8 and the death of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” for military service, and all of the public figures who are coming out in support of the same-gender freedom to marry. There have been so many advancements since 1969.

Note that earlier in the 1960s, the US adopted laws to protect racial minorities nationwide, and the Loving v. Virginia case struck down bans on the interracial freedom to marry, over a hundred years after the Emancipation Proclamation. Women got the vote nationwide in 1920 and have made much progress, but are still on the journey.

So will polyamorists have to wait a couple of generations?

Happily, the answer is no. Here why:

When To Hold Back

Jane has some considerations that might indicate it isn't a good idea to pursue a consanguinamorous relationship.

These are mostly good suggestions for caution in pursuing any relationship, although I think there are some minors close in age to each other who are mature enough. On the other hand, my general advice to minors and very young adults is not to commit to exclusive relationships because most of them need more time to figure out who they are, what they have to offer, and what they need.

Here's what I've written about deciding whether or not to pursue.

Women with Bisexual Male Partners

Miki Perkins at theage.com.au has an article on women in relationships with bisexual men. The article also addresses polyamory and notes that bisexual people can be in monogamous relationships (one such relationship is cited as an example.)

The lives of women in relationships with bisexual men are the focus of new research from Deakin University, published in a book: Women in Relationships with Bisexual Men: Bi Men By Women.

The 80 women interviewed were, or had been, in relationships with bisexual men. Some were monogamous, some were "open" or polyamorous, and there was a mix of marital and de-facto relationships.

It's important to remember that "polyamorous" and "open" are not the same. A couple can have an open relationship and not consider themselves polyamorous. A polyamorous "V" or triangle or quad can be completely closed, meaning none of the individuals will have romantic or sexual relationships with anyone outside of the polycule.

Jane Accepting Submissions

Jane Doe is now accepting and featuring submissions of fiction, nonfiction, and fanfiction.

Go check it out!

Jane Interviews Kelly

Our dear friend Jane has interviewed a woman named Kelly, who has quite the relationship with the people she loves most.



Read it here.

Attention Graphic Artists Who Support Full Marriage Equality

It has been a while, so I am bumping up this call for contributions. Amateur or professional, if you're a graphic artist who supports the cause of this blog, would you be willing to make some clip art (illustrations, diagrams, symbols, etc.) for use here on this blog?

This is here to the right is something I did myself to be the logo of this blog. I'm not much of a graphic artist.

The primary use for the illustrations would be to go along with the various topics I blog about, such as with the clip art I've been using in some postings. The problem with clip art is there isn't a whole lot of it out there that communicates the idea of, say, polyandry, Genetic Sexual Attraction, consanguinamory, etc.

The clip art...

1. Must be provided to me for free. This blog is a labor of love. I do not make money from this blog, nor do I accept monetary donations. I will give you credit and a link per your request.

2. Doesn't need to be exclusive to this blog. You can use it elsewhere or let others use it. I intend to only use it for this blog, the associated Tumblr blog, and perhaps with Facebook and maybe some discussion forums in which I participate to advance the goals of this blog.

3. Doesn't need to be a large file, and can be simple. They can be literal (realistic or stylized), symbolic, or abstract.

4. Needs to be your original creation, or if you use something from someone else, it can't violate copyrights.

5. Send me as many or few as you want, but each one should should represent one of the terms found in this blog's glossary or... same-gender relationships, male-female relationships, allies and/or solidarity, breaking up homes, brother-brother, brother-sister, sister-sister, father-adult daughter, father-adult son, mother-adult son, mother-adult daughter, coming out of the closet, consanguinamory, Genetic Sexual Attraction, inequality, monogamy, open marriage/relationship, polyamory in general, polyamorous "V", polyamorous triangle, polygyny, polyandry, and science.

6. Will advance the cause of relationship rights for all consenting adults.

7. Can be emailed to me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com

Thank you!

Jane's Latest Survey

If you are strongly attracted to one or more close relatives and it's NOT a reunion situation in which you didn't have much contact with them while you were grown up, but rather they've been in your life all along or most of the time, Jane's latest survey is for you. Please take it.

The Royal We

A discussion was underway at theroyalforums.com about "Incestuous Royal Marriages." This blog has noted such things before.
 
Kataryn started off the discussion YEARS ago...

Legally Catherine of Aragon was married incestually because she as widow of one brother married the other after the first hausband's death.

That's not considered incest in most definitions.

But that's just a formality. History has shown that Royal families did not hesitate to form very close bonds between them. While a marriage of cousin and cousin happened quite often, marriages between unles and nieces are rare - but they happened, too.

One example is the marriage of Antoinette Marie of Wuerttemberg to Ernst I. of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha. Marie's mother Antoinette of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld was the sister of the groom.

Then there are the three uncle-niece marriages of the Spanish and Austrian Habsburgs:

- Philipp II. married Anna of Austria, the daughter of his sister Marie.

- Archduke Charles II of Austria-Innerösterreich married Maria Anna of Bavaria, daughter of his sister Anna of Austria.

- Philipp IV. married Marianna of Austria, daughter of his sister Maria Anna.

As you can see, the last three uncle-niece-marriages happened in the House of Habsburg between 1550 and 1660 in the direct line leading to Philipp IV. of Spain and his wife Marianna of Austria. Their child is the sad, sick Don Carlos of Schillerian fame...

Not 100 years later, the House of Habsburg ended in the male line. But of course the marriage of Maria Theresia of Austria to Francis Stephan of Lorraine brought new blood into the family..

As I understand it, uncle-niece marriages are allowed in some places in deference to religious traditions.