Dear Abby Gets a Letter From an Aspiring Unicorn

In polyamorous/nonmonogamous communities, there is the concept of a "unicorn," meaning a woman who is willing to join an established man-woman couple. Today's Dear Abby column started with a letter from an apparent aspiring unicorn who has her eye on a specific couple.

FOUND THE RIGHT ONES OUT WEST wrote...

I'm a woman in my early 50s who has been through two divorces.

Not all that rare anymore, and despite the LW's follow-up, not necessarily a sign that someone is bad.

A few years ago, I met a woman I have become good friends with. She's happily married. She and her husband are empty nesters, like I am. We often socialize, and when we do there is definite chemistry between the three of us.

I've recently heard of the concept of a "throuple," which is consenting adults living together as any couple would, except there are three rather than two. I can't help but wonder whether my friend, her husband and I might make a good throuple. This is not a case of rushing into something. We have known each other for several years and have established trust and compatibility.

I'm nervous to bring this up because I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. I'm also scared about how deeply I feel for both of these people, and I think it's mutual. 

If you want something to happen, there are only two possibilities:

1) You bring it up or make a move.
2) They bring it up or make a move.

You really don't have any control over whether or not the second possibility happens. If you flirt to the point they do bring it up or make a move, what you've really done is the first possibility.

So, how to go about bringing it up or making a move...

Cuck Week Is Here

January 23 through January 29 is Cuck Week. This will celebrate the form of ethical or consensual nonmonogamy that involves Hotwives, Cucks, and Bulls.

A hotwife, or cuckoldress, is a woman who has sex with men (a bull) other than her ongoing partner (the cuck). This is referred to as cuckoldry. This is done with the knowledge, and often the presence, of the cuck, who might have been the one to initiate it in the first place.

There are many reasons why someone might find it pleasurable and/or practical to be a hotwife, cuck, or bull.

Do you have experience with this? Have you wanted to do it? You can comment below, including anonymously.

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #13

“This will cause inheritance disputes.” This can’t be a reason for the continued denial of the polyamorous or polygamous freedom to marry. Again, if we're talking about children, not all polyamorous marriages will have children. But even with today’s restriction of monogamy-only for marriage, we see inheritance disputes all of the time. Widows and widowers who were married only once get in fights with their own children, who may fight with each other. Then, in some cases, there are children born outside of that marriage. There’s divorce and remarriage with or without stepchildren or making more children, there are people who were never married who have kids, there are childless people whose inheritances are disputed, "monogamous" and polyamorous people who had children with multiple people without having been married to any those partners, on and on it goes. If anything, legalizing polygamy would make it easier to sort out inheritance. There can be default rules in the law, and people can come up with their own documented, legal agreements.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, kink, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/discredited-invalid-arguments.html

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #12 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #14

Polyamory is Not Synonymous With Promiscuity

Polyamorists are diverse. About the only thing all polyamorous people have in common is that they are 1) people and 2) polyamorous. There are polyamorous people everywhere, and there always have been. Some tend to conform to the larger culture around them and seem as "average" as can be, some are countercultural. Polyamorists vary in sexual orientations, philosophies, faith traditions, political affiliations, lifestyles, and just about every way humans can be diverse.

They are also diverse in how they live out polyamory, which is why "polyamory" is definitely not synonymous with "promiscuity" if promiscuity is defined as "the practice of having casual sex frequently with different partners or being indiscriminate in the choice of sexual partners."

Some polyamorists never engage in casual sex and are very particular about their choice of sexual partners, and some will have fewer sexual partners over the course of their life than many people who identify as monogamous. Yes, there are some polyamorists who are promiscuous, but promiscuous polyamorists aren't the only people who are promiscuous.

None of this is to intended to be negative towards casual sex or promiscuity. just to clarify that polyamory and promiscuity are not the same thing. Someone can have two lifelong partners they didn't have sex with until well into their relationship and be polyamorous. And just because someone enjoys some casual sex with a few different people doesn't mean, necessarily, that they are polyamorous.

One of the beautiful things about letting consenting adults negotiate their own encounters and relationships without laws or other forms of discrimination interfering is that you can have things the way you feel is best and your neighbor can have completely different relationships, and you and your lovers can all have what you need. This is yet another reason to support full marriage equality and relationship rights for all.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

In the US, Monday is a holiday, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. He was a giant in the fight for civil rights.



Many decades after he was assassinated, the fight for civil rights continues.

History is on our side. All consenting adults will be free to exercise their rights to share love, sex, kink, residence, and marriage.

Are you like those who kept trying to keep some people second-class citizens, or are you like the people who marched with King?

This is how you can help.

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #12

“What about child custody and child support?” This is an especially flimsy objection to polyamorous (or polygamous) relationships. As we have noted before, adult relationships don't always involve raising children. Even so, nonmonogamous relationships between adults who are parents have always existed, and in most places, it isn't criminal to be nonmonogamous. So this issue is already being handled. Notice we could ask the same question about children from one night stands, donated sperm, surrogate mothers, affairs, brief flings, or supposedly monogamous relationships and marriages that end. What about children born to a woman whose husband wasn’t the man who impregnated her? All of these situations are entirely legal. A mediator, arbitrator, or court decides custody and child support disputes that aren’t resolved amicably. That would still be the case if polyamorous relationships had legal protections, including marriage.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/discredited-invalid-arguments.html

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #11 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #13

Is Being Poly Genetic?

The Ferrett addresses, “Polyamory Genetic? Is Homosexuality Genetic?”

My thoughts on a genetic polyamory link are the exact same as my thoughts on a genetic homosexual link:

I don’t care.

Right! We have many things, including the technology I’m using to write this and you are using to read this, which are not part of our genetics. What difference does it make? See Discredited Argument #5.

Even if the gays were, as some suggest, all conspiring in one big plot to annoy us fine-thinking straight people, wincing as they sucked distasteful d--- and reluctantly chowed p---y out of some misplaced form of rebellion, it should still be allowed.

The truth is, gay sex is between consenting adults, and it hurts no one but those adults – there are way more deadly car accidents caused by beers than queers. You may consider gayness to be a bad choice, but two people should be free to make bad choices together. And what people want to do for fun in their private life is something that should be allowed, no matter how distasteful it may be to me.

Agreed. See Discredited Argument #1.

Frequently Asked Question: How Common is Consanguinamory?

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