Wednesday, March 20, 2019

Same-Gender Marriage and Consanguinamory in the US

Gay marriage (or same-sex marriage, or most accurately same-gender marriage) and consanguinamory (romantic and/or erotic love between close relatives) are usually (but not always) two different things.

As of this posting, there are people fretting that allowing more consenting adults their freedom to marry is going to result in... even more consenting adults having the freedom to marry! Oh, the horror! Because the limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry is now legal nationwide in the US, some people are asking if people in consanguineous relationships (or adult consensual incest) are going to have their rights and be treated like, you know, people.

Please note everything we're discussing here is about consensual sex and relationships between adults. We're not talking about rape or molestation.

In the US, the bigotry against marriage equality is rapidly losing out. We recently had the Supreme Court decide for the nationwide limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry. The denial of marriage equality still currently extends to preventing first cousins from marrying in a little over half of the states. If you consider cousin marriage incestuous, then the remaining states, which allow marriages between first cousins (some with ridiculous restrictions) are where same-gender first cousins can enter into monogamous same-gender "incestuous" marriage.

There are a few states with laws against consensual sex between first cousins, including North and South Dakota, Utah, Texas, Nevada, Kentucky, and Mississippi. The states that neither marry nor criminalize will generally allow first cousins to be together without marriage.

There are some states that do not criminalize consensual incest between closer relatives than cousins, but with very few exceptions, they will not marry those lovers. Most US states still have laws against consensual incest (consanguinamory), and in most of them, people do continue to be prosecuted for simply loving each other.

Laws against gay sex have been struck down by the Supreme Court. So, gay sex is now legal nationwide, consanguinamory isn’t yet.

Mixed-gender consanguinamory (such as brother-sister sex) involves sex between consenting adults of who are closely related.*

Gay marriage is a commitment between consenting adults of the same gender.

Those are usually not the same things.

Here are some things they do have in common: 1. They are between consenting adults. 2. They don’t hurt anybody. 3. Both have been subject to discrimination and being banned by the sex-negative busybodies who like to interfere in the love lives of others. 4. There is no rational reason, consistently applied to other relationships, as to why either of these are or were banned in certain places.  5. LGBT people do not choose their orientation and people do not choose the parents to whom they are born. 6. Gay relationships and consanguineous relationships have always been part of humanity, and are common around the world.

Otherwise, they are two entirely different freedoms to marry. I support both freedoms to marry, and others, because I support relationship rights for all and full marriage equality.

An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with ANY and ALL consenting adults (and any of those without the others), without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. Don't like it? Then don't do it. (That’s a good, easy response to bigots that doesn't throw anyone under the bus.)

Different people have different likes and dislikes, different biases and prejudices than others. Some LGBT people are in consanguinamorous relationships. Other LGBT people are supportive, some neutral, and some disgusted by the idea. Just like everyone else. But nobody's disgust should interfere in another's life.

Consenting adults may do things with each other that might disgust a majority of other  adults, but that disgust of others should not prevent the consenting adults from having their sex or love lives. Each of us should stand up for the relationship rights of all consenting adults. Gay sex may disgust someone. Heterosexual sex may disgust another. BDSM may disgust someone else. Interracial sex may disgust someone else. Polyamory may disgust one person. Consanguinamory may disgust another. So what? The disgusted person doesn’t have to do it, but should recognize that other adults should be free to have orientations, feelings, and relationships they may not understand, and free to express their sexual desires with, and affections for, other consenting adults in the ways they want.

*Some places include adoptive or step relations under the criminalization of incest, even though there is no biological relation between the participants.
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  1. Hi,

    The Supreme Court legalized same sex marriage, not same gender marriage. It also had the effect of legalizing same-gender marriages, some of which were already legal beforehand.

    Example: In Texas, people who are transgender are not recognized as their new gender for the purposes of marriage. So, even before the Supreme Court ruling, a transwoman could marry a cis woman, and did. Same-gender marriage was allowed for trans people, but trans people could not marry a person of the opposite gender because...same sex marriage was banned. Now everything is legal.

    I'm not sure why you feel the term same-gender marriage is a more accurate term but I'd love to hear your thoughts.

    1. I usually use "same-gender" but in some instances "same-sex" may be more precise. The effect of the Court decision was that neither sex nor gender would be an impediment to the limited monogamous freedom to marry.


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