Monday, October 22, 2018

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #19

“There are so many people outside of your family. Go marry/have sex with one of them, instead. It creates friendships between families.” There are plenty of people within one’s own race, too, but that is no reason to ban interracial marriage. I have many friends outside of my family to whom I’m neither married nor married to a relative of theirs. On the other hand, don't we all know unrelated married couples who actually drive their relatives apart from each other? Let adults marry the consenting adult(s) of her or his choice.

Telling someone who is happy with their lover that they should dump that person (or even be prosecuted for being with that person) and should be denied their right to marry because there is someone else they can be with instead is an arrogant and usually, very much a cruel intrusion into someone else's life. How would the person who says this like it if someone told them they had to drop their lover (if they have one) and go find someone else, even though they are consenting adults who want to be together and are happy together?

There are people in consanguinamorous relationships who could never find as much love and happiness with someone else, and trying to force them to do so isn't fair to anyone, including the person for whom they "settle." There are people who are consanguinamorous in their orientation.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #18

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #20
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  1. Thank you so much for this site. I feel a big sigh of relief in seeing all the people on here who have felt this (incestuous fantasies) and who would have or have had consensual incestuous relationships. Came here because lately been feeling more guilt than usual re: my incestuous fantasies, worrying something is "wrong" with me, when all of my observations about people over the years confirm that I am FAR from alone in this. Still, for whatever reason, because life is so full of pretending I guess, the guilt/shame still come up. But I'm feeling really relieved now. A little aspect of my story: As a child I was sexually attracted to my father, from an early age. He was very tender/affectionate with me as a young girl (starting around 5), and would caress my body to lull me to relax me before sleep. I would become very wet/excited. I was very confused by these feelings, but could not deny them. Long story short, his caresses eventually became definitely sexual. At one point, I asked him to make them more sexual, but this frightened him (and me) and he was too scared to go there; he felt too guilty and stopped (this was when I was around 10/11). I've always carried enormous guilt for that -- for wanting and asking for this -- even though I know I was not a bad person for experiencing what I did, or being open about it. Still, I wish he'd not have crossed the line as he did, when he did. While I see nothing wrong with consensual incest, the timing/power dynamic was totally wrong, given our age differences. I was not emotionally able to handle that, and it created enormous pain, shame, and confusion -- for me, and for him. It was abuse. Many years later we reunited as adults after many (almost 20) years of not communicating at all, and the attraction was still there. Due to logistical, emotional, and physical distance, though, we do not stay in touch. If circumstances were different/better, I would definitely consider banging him. But as it is, it won't happen. The fantasy remains that. The most important thing is to respect people. Not to coerce them. Not to take advantage of or prey on them. Respect their freedom, integrity, and autonomy. Anyways, it's clear after looking around, at this site and others, just how many of us, if not most of us, experience incestuous fantasies. Most of us are walking around with a huge load of guilt that we can really afford to let go of. Let's all be more kind toward each other and ourselves. Let's realize we're not alone. Most importantly, let's never take advantage of anyone, but fully enjoy consensual, respect-based sexuality to the max! peace, and thank you for such a clear-minded, empathetic, thought-provoking site. It helped me a great deal.

    1. Anonymous, thanks for sharing that. Feel free to contact me privately at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com


To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

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