Tuesday, March 26, 2019

Guilt By False Association

This post carries a ***TRIGGER WARNING*** because we will be discussing abuse and quoting/paraphrasing hateful, bigoted, discriminatory, sexist, racist, homophobic statements to expose the tactic of "guilt" by false association long used by anti-equality holdouts.

Over and over again, those opposing rights have tried to tie consensual adult relationships to assault and abuse, playing on fear and prejudices along the way.
  • When we were debating interracial marriage, the fear mongers tried to equate interracial marriage with "n-----s are going to rape and steal your white women!" This is still done in some ways.
  • The fear mongers said "homosexuals" were child abusers looking to victimize children playing in parks or that same-sex marriage was just a cover for people to adopt and abuse children. This, too, is still going on. They also said people would lose their spouses to "turning gay" if people who weren't heterosexuals weren't forced to stay in the closet. "You son or husband will turn into a f----t!"
  • Polyamorous, group, plural, or polygamous marriage is currently presented by fear mongers as a way to have old men "marrying" multiple underage girls and keeping control of them for life, subjecting women to domestic abuse and forced servitude.
  • Consanguineous relationships and marriage are still associated by the fear mongers with grown men raping children.
Rape, assault, molestation, or abuse of any kind has nothing to do with consensual sex and relationships. An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

We must take both consent and lack of consent seriously. People in consensual relationships should not be smeared by trying to associate them with abusers.

There are people who've experienced both abuse and a consensual relationship that the fear mongers try to associate with abuse, and they can speak powerfully to the profound difference.

When someone tries to pull such a move, it can be helpful to say, "Abuse is a terrible thing, but what about consensual relationships, which are something entirely different? Why should consenting adults be denied their rights to be together?" They're not going to have a good reason.

We are not talking about abuse. We are talking about adults who want to be together, as friends and/or lovers, perhaps as spouses, in a romantic or recreational relationship, whether on a casual basis or for life. Shame on those who stoke prejudices and fears to try to deny people their rights.

If someone really, truly wants to fight abuse, they should stop wasting public resources and social energy trying to stop consenting adults from being together, instead putting that time and money and energy into fighting actual abuse. Also, lifting criminalization and stigmas placed on consensual relationships will make it more likely that abuse victims and witnesses will cooperate with law enforcement in stopping abuse, because they won't have to fear they'll be in trouble for their consensual relationships.
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  1. Couldn't have put it better myself. Actually, I wrote an article a while ago on the final point you raise about it being easier to prosecute abusers if consensual relationships are legal:

  2. As someone who has been through abuse by a family member vs the relationship I'm in now I really wish we would change the incest laws in U.S. so it wouldn't conflate my relationship with the abuse I survived.

    1. Anonymous, I'm sorry you were abused but glad you've found love. You can always write me at Fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com

  3. Keith,

    Do you know any good relationship terminology sites?

    1. You mean terms to describe different relationships? Start here

    2. Yes, but I used to know a really good one.

    3. Yes, but it had other related terms for relationships.
      It was from A to Z.

      It had a green background with the words in white.

      It was a really good one.

  4. A good article, Keith. Could you possibly do one on 'incestophobia'? I noticed you have mentioned the term homophobia and homophobic in several articles, but I did not see 'incestophobia' or 'incestophobic' cropping up. A couple of attempts of mine to start a wikipedia page on the subject were blocked by some (fairly specious arguments) at from wiki and I lost momentum and turned my attention to petitions.What surprises me is the great number of so-called progressive LBGTIQ people who simply will not lift a finger to sign a petition to help CIAO people. What is their phobia I wonder? How can they all adopt a 'We are holier than thou' attitude towards CIAO people because of their new political power and the marriage law changes in their favour, while at the same time decrying that they fear the laws may be rolled back because homophobia is everywhere? It seems the new ideological orthodoxy as chauvenistic as the old one. Still, it is what it is, I suppose. Thanks for your work. Best wishes.

  5. how about intergenerational relationships?


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