Thursday, December 31, 2020

A Brother and Sister Add To Their Love

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. As this interview is being published, there are many people still spending more time home with family members. Perhaps some of them will find this interview an inspiration? Or they can see this for some possibilities.

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out if the closet or they’ll gave prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The woman interviewed below should be free 
to legallmarry her partner, or simply to be together as a couple without having to hide, yet they can’t. They are consenting adults who aren’t hurting anyone; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say about the new, additional bond she has. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label?

**WARNING: Brief, mild descriptions of sex are included.**


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Elena: I’m the manager of a beauty store in San Diego, California, and have been living in America since I was six years old, originally from Uruguay. My hobbies include futbol, you guys call it soccer, jogging, playing video games with my little brother, and surfing. I live with my little brother. I'm 27 and he's 23.

FME: How would you describe your genders and sexual orientations?

I think we’re both cisgendered and straight. I know for sure he is, because some guy came on to my brother and he had a freak out. It could also be that he has social anxiety and that just was too much for him. I’m mostly straight. I have been with girls before but I mostly enjoy being straight, so maybe part-time bisexual? We’re monogamous for the most part. 

FME: You are in a sexual relationship with your brother, and he's your full blood brother?

Yes, I’m in a sexual relationship with him and he’s my full blooded sibling. 

FME: What was your childhood like?

Our childhood was middle-class in Uruguay until 1999 when the economy collapsed and our parents decided to move to the US for a better future. Think of Uruguay as the miniature Latin version of Australia. Unfortunately, our family life was cut short when our parents passed away in a car accident when visiting back home, so we lived with close relatives in San Diego until I turned 18. 

FME: Tell us about your sexual awakening.

My sexual awakening was rather wild, because I felt rebellious towards my guardians, granted they never found out the full scope. My first real experience was in my early teens with a mall cop who blackmailed me after catching me in the act of shoplifting. At first, I was scared because I thought I’d be sent back to Uruguay and be separated from my brother. So I went along with what he wanted. After that, I became very promiscuous with several boyfriends even up to the point of having gangbangs in college. After college I mellowed out and began more mature relationships. 

FME: Who initiated the sex between you and your brother, and was that gradual or sudden?

Sexual affection between us was quite sudden and was initiated by him. The reason it was so sudden is because he’s a high functioning autistic person who has little in the way of tact or a filter and social skills. I didn’t know how he felt about me until one day he came up to me and asked, "Would you be my girlfriend?" I was a bit confused and then he said, "Can I have sex with you?" Of course, it took me by surprise, but not completely, given that I know his condition and that’s the way he talks and makes requests. I sat him down and asked him what was bothering him, and he said it was the fact that he'd never been with a girl and was getting very lonely.

I told him I needed some time to process the whole thing and told him to relax a bit. Afterwards, I looked at his open computer screen and found that he was going down the rabbit hole of “online incel culture” and, frankly, the comments on those boards made by those guys he was corresponding with scared me a bit. I did not want him going down that path of self-destruction. It’s what gave me the final motivation to accept his request to become his girlfriend.

It went smoother than I anticipated

I actually had a talk with him before anything happened. I first asked him if he was a virgin. Unlike most young men when asked, he didn’t get all defensive about it. He just said yes.

I told him, "Let’s go get a shower together."

He had this subdued smile, like every time he gets something that pleases him.

We just showered and felt each other, then we went to my bedroom and had very tender sex. 

Surprisingly, he did well for his first time

FME: Please describe your feelings during that event. What was the day after like?

My feelings during the event gradually morphed. What started out as an endeavor by a concerned big sister turned into outright fun for both of us. I took charge, naturally, but to his credit he was a lot cooler about the whole thing than I expected. He didn’t let his nerves get in the way and was very attentive to my teaching him. The day after? All warm and fuzzy, with his erection poking me.

FME: Before this, had you thought this was possible or did you have feelings for any close relatives?

Before this I had no such feelings, but I didn’t judge people who did. 

FME: How would you describe the sex you have with him? Kinky? Natural? Best sex ever?

Absolutely adorable and sweet. Yes it’s kinky, too, but he’s still learning so I’m mostly keeping to the basic positions for now. As for best sex? That’s rather subjective. Some of my wild times in college had amazing sex but very little in the way of intimacy, whereas here the sex may be less “thrilling” if I may use that word, but the intimacy between us more than makes up for it.  

FME: What is the nature of this relationship? Open? Closed? Are you siblings-with-benefits, girlfriend and boyfriend, or what?

I spoke to him about it. I told him I’d be his girlfriend behind closed doors, but that I would also pursue a relationship outside the home if the opportunity showed itself. I told him he could do the same and I wouldn’t mind. I told him that if he wanted just me that he could choose that path, too. It remains to be seen what happens. Who knows? We might get married. We’re already in love anyway, at least as siblings. 

FME: Would you ever involve additional lovers with the two of you together? 

I’ve been in my fair share of threesomes and foursomes. While they are fun, I don’t think they’d be for him. He’s too emotionally fragile and his autism would be a barrier, he wouldn’t be able to function. He likes sweet sex with lots of emotional and physical intimacy and security. So that brings us back to the whole open or closed relationship. It’s a closed one for now, but I don’t see him engaging in any wild sex. If he does get a new partner, it’ll be someone who thinks and feels a lot like him; a high functioning autistic girl, with whom he’ll have lots of sweet and doting sex. 

FME: If your brother were to announce he has a new girlfriend and wants to stop with you, how do you think you’d react?

I’d be ok with it, as long as he’s happy. If she breaks his heart, I’ll break my stiletto heel over her head [laughs]. And he can always, always come back to me and feel safe and secure. 

FME: Do you literally sleep together?

We have separate bedrooms, but since he’s so attached and craves intimacy, he has been sleeping in my bedroom. Plus the whole "I’ll be your girlfriend" thing pretty much stipulates that we sleep in the same bed. 

FME: Does anybody in your life know? Have you had to take precautions to keep this a secret?

No, nobody knows, and I don’t intend on telling anyone. Precautions? We don’t really need any; we have a detached house; stripping through college helped with that, and have privacy and he’s good at keeping a secret. 

FME: Do you feel there are advantages to a relationship like this?

I don't know if they have any advantages, but if I were to think of one, it would be the intimacy. You feel a lot more secure and happy in a relationship where there’s no judgment, just love. 

FME: What would you say to someone who disapproves of these relationships and says one of you is preying on the other?

I wouldn’t say much; it seems they’ve already made up their minds. Preying? Because he’s autistic? Please! He’s quite intelligent and speaks half a dozen languages, just lacks social skills. The day I “prey” on him is the day I jump off a cliff. They wouldn’t understand the bond we have, because of how our life has shaped up. 

FME: You mentioned marriage earlier. Would you ever want to get legally married, if you could?

Marriage? I don't know. Maybe. So far most guys I’ve been with have turned out to be wannabe men. So who knows? Maybe he’ll be the man that puts the rest of them to shame. 

FME: What advice do you have for someone who is having these feelings for a sibling? Should they make a move?

Ooh, I don't know. Every case is different. It would have to depend on circumstances. They’d have to read the situation right; wouldn’t want to destroy a relationship with the wrong words. 

FME: What do you want to say to anyone who thinks they have friends or family members who are in a relationship like this?

I’d tell them, let them be. It’s their life and their decision. Wish them well. 

FME: Any plans for the future?

Enjoy this lockdown for a change. 


Clearly, these lovers were consenting adults who weren't hurting anyone, and yet they wouldn't even be able to exercise their basic human right to marry as things are now. They love each other and are happy, yet they are denied fundamental rights. They can't even be open about their love without risking prosecution!

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason.We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life, around the world, who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, or that of someone you know, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or see here.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you, Elena
, for doing this interview about your consanguinamorous relationship! We wish you well in your relationship with your brother!
— — —

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

Ringing in the New Year At Home?

Are you going to be at home with family while ringing in the New Year?

Who will you be kissing and midnight?

If you do find, or already have found, yourself having feelings for. or sharing affection with, family members, you're definitely not alone. It appears that this year has seen more of that than any previous year in history. And, as it was before this year, it was common enough for close relatives to share sexual or romantic affection that you certainly know people who have. You are NOT alone.

Whether you're blood relatives, step relatives, adoptive relatives, in-laws, or honorary relatives, there's nothing wrong with your feelings and, depending on the circumstances, there may be nothing wrong with sharing more affection. 

Will you make the most of this time?

You might need to read one or more entries on this blog that I list below. Feel free to contact me.

Here's a special message for young people.

Consanguinamory (Consensual Incest) FAQ

It's more common than most people think for close relatives to share sexual affection or experimentation. Intrafamilial sex and romance is as old as time.

Do You Have Feelings For a Close Relative?

Do you think or know that a close relative has feelings for you?

Yes, it is OK. But should you "do it" in your specific situation?

You might be able to make it happen. If you're the parent, there is more to consider.

Taking it slow and cautiously might be the way, unless the two (or three, or...?) of you can't hold back. Sometimes, the ice just needs breaking.

Stepsiblings, stepparents, and stepchildren might want to read this.

Are you considering coming out as consanguinamorous?

A message for family and friends.

How To Be An Ally to Consanguinamorous People You Know

Are you considering, or involved in, a situation that isn't monogamous?

Read exclusive interviews with close relatives who are involved in everything from spousal-style relationships to family-with-benefits arrangements.

If you've already shared sexual affection and are trying to sort everything out, this might help

If you can't be together geographically, you might be able to make the most of the distance

Again, you can contact Keith and you can comment below (including anonymously), so please share your thoughts, experiences, questions, plans, or anything else you want to share. 
— — —

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

For Consanguinamorists Considering Parenting

At this blog's sister Tumblr, I was asked anonymously about the health children from consanguineous parents, why there is a taboo about this, and what advice I have for a mother and son having a baby.  My answers, which I'm cross-posting here, mostly apply to any consanguinamorous parents.
— — —

Monday, December 28, 2020

Update on a Father and Daughter

Last year, we published an interview with a father in a consanguinamorous relationship with his daughter, and then another interview with the daughter.

Recently, the daughter gave birth to their third child together. 

The mother and child are doing fine.

Congratulations to all!

It's appreciated when people keep in contact. If you'd like to reach out to Keith or get back in touch with Keith, you're very much welcome to do so.

— — —

Saturday, December 26, 2020

Family With Benefits

This post deals strictly with sexual situations. If you don't want to read about that, skip it.
— — —

Friday, December 25, 2020

Genetic Sexual Attraction, Incest, and Consanguinamory

To act, or not to act, that is the question.

As always, I am talking about consensual sex, not molestation, assault, or rape.

Close relatives may experience mutual attraction as a result of Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA), Genetic Attraction, Familial Sexual Attraction, or some other experience or phenomenon. I’m addressing these together because they all involve close relatives. These things can lead to incest (consanguineous sex, or consanguinamory) in the form of sibling sex, parent-adult child sex, cousin sex, etc. It may also lead to marriage or spousal relationships. While all sexual activity related to these can be called consanguineous, reuniuon GSA-initiated consanguinamory is a special subset and it should be noted that opinions of those who have been in such relationships towards non-reunion consanguinamory range from support to indifference to uneasiness to condemnation.

Speaking of GSA, there is a split in the GSA community about whether to act or not (or to stop acting). Many people who have experienced GSA, prior to having the experience, had never considered the possibility of being attracted to a close relative and may have thought the idea disgusting, but they found themselves attracted to a close biological relative anyway. Those in the GSA community against acting or continuing to act have various motivations; a bad personal experience acting on GSA, a priority of obedience to laws (even if unjust), their personal sexual mores, and perhaps for some, intense emotion about something they never had or can no longer have. They may very well think they are sparing others pain by urging them not to act. But others say the pain for them was in delaying the reality that they had been reunited with someone who was now their true love.

I deal with common arguments against the rights to share love, sex, residence, and marriage on this page. But just because one should have the right to share these things with a relative doesn’t mean they should share these things in any given case. That is the point of why I am writing this.

ALL romantic or sexual relationships are emotionally risky. Most do not work out, or most of us would still be in our first one. As with any relationship, you should be the one making that decision for you, not anybody else. Don't let others decide for you. There are trade-offs and emotional risks in any relationship. With a possible consanguinamorous relationship, there are generally pros and cons, and with GSA, there is likely to be pain and struggle no matter what course is taken. Ultimately, each situation can have different factors than others, but there are some general considerations I will address.

If there is mutual attraction, and that is a big if, there are many things that should be considered before becoming more physically intimate. Notice that to one extent or another, these apply to relationships with nonrelatives as well.

First, the cautionary considerations…

— — —

Wednesday, December 23, 2020

Frequently Asked Question: How Common is Incest?

The short answer: Nobody knows for sure, but it appears to be common enough that you know someone who has been involved, whether you know it or not. If you have been, are, or want to be involved, you are not alone and it doesn’t make you bad or sick. You’re in the company of royals and peasants, urban dwellers and rural folk, the wealthy and the poor throughout history. Regardless, rights are not reserved for the majority.

This answer is addressing consensual incest, in which I include, in addition to adults, minors who four years or less apart in age when force or coercion are not used. This is what I call “consanguinamory” or consanguineous sex. This answer is not about child molestation, sexual assault, or rape.

— — —

Tuesday, December 22, 2020

Happy Holidays!

The holiday season is here!

Whatever holidays you celebrate, or even if you don't celebrate any, we wish you a fabulous season full of warmth and love, especially after a year that has been tough for so many of us. Be safe!!!

May you and your loved ones have peace, health, and happiness.

I plan to update this blog as I can over the next few weeks, so keep checking back. Or better yet, subscribe (Follow) in the column over there on the right (for those of you looking at the web version)  if you haven't done so yet.

As a reminder, if you need someone to talk with or you just want to say hello to Keith, you can do so, as always, by emailing fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or message him on Wire at fullmarriageequality or on Facebook.
— — —

Saturday, December 19, 2020

Taking the Steps

I have frequently seen the question asked, “It is incest to date my stepbrother?” or “Would marrying my stepsister be incestuous?”

Romance, dating, sex, or marriage between step relations is not literally consanguinamory, but is often subject to the same prejudices, which in some places and cases includes criminalization, as consanguinamorous relationships. With Discredited Argument #18 not a factor, the excuse to try to deny others their relationships is usually Discredited Arguments #1, 3, 19, or 21.

Although someone may try to control our relationships, we can’t effectively control what other people do with their love lives and we shouldn’t try. We don’t pick who our family members love or marry. As such, sometimes someone is brought into our lives as a step relation, such as a stepbrother, stepsister, stepmother, or stepfather whether we like it or not.

Sometimes, we like it. A lot.

— — —

Friday, December 18, 2020

Switzerland Gains a Freedom to Marry

Switzerland is the 29th country to approve of the limited monogamous same-gender freedom to marry. Here's an article at  

Switzerland’s parliament has passed the final vote on same-sex marriage, after a seven year campaign.

Seven years... let's speed up this momentum. Too many people are still denied their basic rights.

The vote could still be challenged by a public referendum. But even if it is, marriage equality is likely to win as the vast majority of Swiss citizens support it.


One thing the new marriage law does include, however, is access to sperm donation for same-sex female couples.


Let's keep evolving so that we have FULL marriage equality and an adult is free to marry any and all consenting adults!

— — —

Thursday, December 17, 2020


There was a comment left after the entry, "Why Do I Feel This Way?" from someone who is clearly longing for more with a loved one.

I no longer feel ashamed about what I feel for my sister.

At 52, I have finally accepted my romantic and sexual feelings towards her.

There is nothing... NOTHING... NOTHING wrong with having romantic and/or sexual feelings for someone else, and that goes for a sibling. 

— — —

Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Civil Unions AND Marriage Should Be For All Who Want Them

A friend called my attention to an article from this past October on comments from San Francisco's Archbishop relating to statements from the Pope. From 

Salvatore Cordileone, the archbishop of San Francisco, responded to Pope Francis' historic endorsement of same-sex civil unions by saying such unions should be "as inclusive as possible," and extended to unmarried brothers and sisters who support each other.

Sure, offer civil unions and marriage - for any and all consenting adults.

Cordileone said civil unions which mutually benefit two people should not be limited to those in a same-sex relationship, and brothers and sisters in partnerships should be allowed the same rights.

It shouldn't be restricted at all, by number, gender, race, sexual orientation, or relation.

Cordileone added that marriage "is unique because it is the only institution that connects children to their mothers and fathers, and therefore is presumed to be a sexual relationship.

Church officials can have their views. In the US, they don't determine law. Whether or not people are having sex is not the law's business.

Keep it very simple. It's not the government's business to know which adults are having sex with each other, or are together without having sex, or if they engage in BDSM or any kink, or not, or have an open or closed relationship, or not. None of that should matter. Civil unions, domestic partnerships, and marriages should be available to all consenting adults who want them, regardless of race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. An adult should be free to enter into these relationships with any and all consenting adults. 
— — —

Monday, December 14, 2020

Consanguinamory is Not Sick

As this blog and others have repeatedly shown, there is no good reason to keep laws, discrimination, or stigmas against consanguinamory (consanguineous or consensual incest sex or relationships) that is consistently applied to other relationships. One of the grasping-at-straws assertions that one might make when all of their justifications for denying rights fails is "people who do that are sick" or "those relationships are dysfunctional."

Before we do anything else, let's make it clear that we're talking about consensual sex and relationships, not abuse. It's not fair to point to abuse, assault, child molestation, etc. by a close relative as an example of how "incest" is "sick".

Alleging psychological problems or mental illness is something best left to mental health professionals, such as a psychiatrist (a medical doctor) or a psychologist. The opinion of someone without such credentials and some experience should be suspect. So, if someone makes the claim that we should criminalize or otherwise discriminate against consanguinamory because the behavior is based on mental illness, they should be asked 1) for their credentials; 2) if they have personally conducted an evaluation of the individuals involved and the dynamics of their relationship, and; 3) if all relationships they personally think are based on mental illness should be likewise criminalized or discriminated against. Usually, calling consanguinamory "sick" is just a thinly veiled variation on Discredited Arguments #1 and 3.

— — —

Friday, December 11, 2020

Signs of Genetic Sexual Attraction

Are you wondering that the signs or "symptoms" of Genetic Sexual Attraction or Genetic Attraction would look or feel like? Searches of that sort bring some people here. Maybe you're thinking you are experiencing GSA, or someone you know is experiencing GSA, either for you or for someone else.

Remember that GSA is a normal, natural, and common reaction to the circumstances.

GSA is a very strong, perhaps overwhelming or overpowering, attraction that can happen when one meets or reunites with a close genetic relative after having no or minimal contact since about age seven or before whether or not they know of their relation. Examples can include half-siblings who don't meet until their teens, 20s, 30s, middle age, or golden years. It can be a daughter who only has seen her father for a few minutes at a time since she was six years old and she's now 19. It can be a mother who gave up her son or daughter for adoption at birth and that child finds her at age 25. It can be a man whose brother donated sperm, and a resulting child, now an adult, has met him. There are seemingly countless other examples.

— — —

Thursday, December 10, 2020

Happy Holidays! - Here They Come

We are heading into the holiday season. Happy Hanukkah to those who are observing or celebrating. 

Whatever holidays you celebrate, or even if you don't celebrate any, we wish you a fabulous season full of warmth and love, especially after a year that has been tough for so many of us. Be safe!!!

May you and your loved ones have peace, health, and happiness.

I plan to update this blog as I can over the next few weeks, so keep checking back. Or better yet, subscribe (Follow) in the column over there on the right (for those of you looking at the web version)  if you haven't done so yet.

As a reminder, if you need someone to talk with or you just want to say hello to Keith, you can do so, as always, by emailing fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or message him on Wire at fullmarriageequality or on Facebook.
— — —

Wednesday, December 9, 2020

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #16

“Some men will be left out as polygyny increases.” This is based on the assumption that in a culture with gender equality, polygyny would still be more plentiful than polyandry. Anti-equality people, based on this assumption, insist that this will result in unmarried men devolving into criminals.

The mistake here is assuming that the second, third, etc. wives in a polygynous marriage would have wanted one of those unmarried men rather than legally sharing the man they did marry, and that the unmarried men would in turn want to marry them. Some of those men may want to marry men, or not marry at all. Why not allow people to marry the person or people of their choice? Why try to force people to settle? Also, the system is not closed. There are billions of people in the world and more and more people are reaching the age and status of eligibility every second.

There was a study attempting to link polygny to criminal behavior in unmarried/unpartnered men based in part on nineteenth century frontier America. Things have changed a little since then. And guess what? Married men commit crime, too. Most of the men in prison have been married, were married or had at least one girlfriend at the time they were convicted.

Maybe men in the hypothetical polygynous community who don’t get married are violent people. Is it better that they have a wife to beat instead of committing crimes on the street? I don’t want to be the one who tells a woman she can’t marry the man/men or woman/women she wants; rather, she has to marry a less desirable man so that he can take his aggression out on her.

The warnings that polyamorous or polygamous freedom to marry will result in an increase of violent gangs of unmarried men committing crimes falls flat when one considers the overwhelming data revealing both that 1) Men in the US are getting married for the first time later than ever, and 2) Crime rates in the US have decreased.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #15 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Consanguineous) Love #17
— — —

Monday, December 7, 2020

Attention Outgoing US Governors

There are state and territory Governors in the US who are rapidly approaching the end of their terms as Governor and will be leaving that office.

We are respectfully imploring you to use your executive powers to pardon any of your residents convicted of crimes due to having consensual (to be redundant) sex under anti-incest laws, whether they are currently in the justice system or not, even if they have since passed away.

Let's be clear. We're not talking about assault or child molestation. We're talking about sex between consenting adults (or between minors close in age to each other), still criminalized in your states. The laws should be changed, but since they haven't been yet, please have mercy on these people.

This plea is directed at the following Governors:

Steve Bullock - Montana
Chris Sununu - New Hampshire
Gary Herbert - Utah
Lolo Matalasi Moliga - American Samoa
Wanda Vázquez Garced - Puerto Rico

If we've missed an outgoing Governor or incorrectly included a Governor, we apologize.

If you have the power to do so, pardon or at least commute the sentences of those listed as criminals due to consanguineous affections.

If you are the Governor or someone on the Governor's staff, or someone with access to the Governor, please act quickly to get this done. We know time is very limited.

There is no good reason these people should suffer any more for having had a physical relationship.

Let's stop wasting public resources on treating these people like they are a threat to anyone. If they were convicted of additional crimes relating to the investigation, their arrest, prosecution, etc., please consider pardoning them of those, too.

Do the kind, merciful, and just thing as you end your term as Governor. Get on the right side of history!

Please pardon!
— — —

Friday, December 4, 2020

I Enjoy Hearing From You

Over the years, thousands of people have reached out to me (Keith). I very much enjoy hearing from everyone (except the haters... although their lack of reason can be entertaining). Unfortunately, I often rely on the people who contact me to keep the conversations going, because there is one of me and many of you. Please don't hesitate to contact me, even just to say hello, even if it has been years since we communicated. 

Maybe you've been visiting this blog for years, maybe you're new, maybe you haven't ever reached out to me before. Please do! You're welcome to write to me, whether it is just to say hello, or ask a question, or update me on your life, or to tell me about yourself.

I never share what someone tells me privately with anyone else, unless they give me permission, so don't be shy.


Here are some of the ways to reach me.

— — —

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

World AIDS Day

December 1 is World AIDS Day. It is very important to remember those we've lost to AIDS, to care for anyone battling AIDS, and to care for anyone with HIV.

We must continue to work for a cure and continue to fight the spread of HIV.

We should also never forget that stigmas, ignorance, bigotry, sex-negative attitudes and shaming have helped spread HIV and AIDS.

Let's continue to work for a better culture in which people aren't shamed and marginalized for their sexuality, nor stigmatized for getting sick.
— — —

Monday, November 30, 2020

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #15

“This oppresses women.” Gender equality and the right to be unmarried or to divorce are necessary components of full marriage equality. Anti-equality people often point to polygyny in certain cultures, past and present, where women do not have equal rights. However, this is not proof that polygyny, much less the larger scope of polygamy or polyamory, oppresses women. Women would be oppressed in those cultures with or without polygyny. If a woman wants to marry a man who has other wives rather than another man who is an unmarried man, and the other wives agree, why deny her that choice? If a woman wants to marry two men, or a man and a woman, or two women, she should have that right, too. Some women enjoy polygamy, including polygyny, and they should have the right to consent to the marriage of their choosing.

The law does not prevent a man from having relationships with, and children with, multiple women, but he can't legally marry all of them even if they all agree. The law does not prevent a woman from having relationships with, and children with, multiple men, but she can't legally marry all of them even if they all agree. Three people can have a loving, lasting triad, living together for years and years, but can't legally marry. What kind of sense is that?

Protections against gender discrimination, domestic violence, and child abuse should be the focus, not preventing consenting adults from marrying. Victims of abuse would be more likely to work with authorities to stop abusers if consensual relationships were not criminalized nor discriminated against.
There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality:

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #14

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #16 
— — —

Saturday, November 28, 2020

Cautious Consanguinamory

So, someone you already love wants to love you more, and you want to love them more; you’re mutually attracted. And you’ve considered the pros and cons and have decided to go for it. You want to add sexual affection to your relationship.

But you feel a need to go slowly.

You could be nervous and very cautious because it is new, because such experiences are an unknown to you, or because you’ve internalized cultural prejudices

How do you move forward with care?
— — —

Friday, November 27, 2020

When Someone You Love Wants To Love You More

You may have come to this blog because you think or know someone in your family or closely related to you is attracted to you, or has a crush on you, or wants to get romantic or sexual with you. You may have had a mix of reactions to this, whether you've been shocked, surprised, confused, amused, bemused, worried, flattered, aroused, creeped out, repulsed, nervous, or some combination of these. So what do you do when a relative has a crush or very strong attraction to you?

These Feelings Are Normal and More Common Than You Think

These feelings are not so rare. There’s not necessarily any reason to get them to a mental health professional because they have these feelings. They are especially common when you were not raised by one another or with each other, but even if you were raised together or by one another, it's not unheard of.

These Feelings Aren't Wrong

Their feelings are their own. It is OK for them to have their feelings, and they certainly aren't alone in having such feelings.

And your feelings are your own.

Their feelings do not require you to act one way or another, but doing nothing at all is probably the worst way to react.

If you're feeling the same as they are, or want to seriously consider adding this bond to your relationship, you might be better off going to this entry here.

But if you're somewhat unsure, ambivalent, wavering, or all the way over to the side of being fairly certain you want no part of such a situation, the rest of his entry is for you.

Initial Reaction

Unless you've been hoping for this moment, you should probably take some time to think it over, even if your initial internal reaction was "No!" If you've already reacted negatively to them, there's still a chance to smooth things over.

Are You Sure It is How They Feel?

As we like to say around here, thinking and knowing are two different things.

It’s pretty clear how they feel if they explicitly say that they want to get it on, or they made an unmistakable physical pass at you, or you’ve overheard them masturbating and saying your name, or you’ve discovered that they keep images of you that are sexy or explicit or are very suggestive, or the history/files on their smart phone, tablet, or computer reveals they’ve been thinking about how to get with you.

If you've got a vagina and you find that your underwear (especially used) keeps getting moved or disappears and reappears in their room, that’s a pretty strong signal on their part; there is only doubt if they are the same size as you, in which case there is a small chance they wanted to wear it (washed). If you find that your underwear/lingerie or toys keep getting moved or used, that’s a strong indicator. It is also something I advise against people doing, just FYI.

If they've left this very essay for you to find, then it should be clear.

If you have such clarity, You can skip down to the next section.

But if it hasn’t been that clear, there's a chance they're not making a play or inviting you to. They may not even want to act even if they do have feelings for you in that way.

If you only think they might be interested, it could be a misunderstanding or maybe you are misreading them (or even projecting your own latent feelings).

Flirting or behaviors that would look like flirting to the average observer ignorant of your relation might be an indication, but those things aren't definitive if not explicit or blunt.

Maybe you've found out that they like (or even create) porn or erotica with incestuous themes. This does not necessarily mean they are attracted to you and want to have sex with you and are hoping to have sex with you. It's a very popular genre. Some people enjoy such material or even have a fetish for it without actually wanting to be with their own family members. Porn is usually very different from reality, after all. On the other hand, it can be a sign of interest.

Hints, clues, or signs likely to indicate they're interested:

  • They look for reasons to be around you, especially alone, without an apparent agenda. 
  • They suggest or arrange for you two to do things that romantic couples might do, even if it they try to make it seem like an accident (such as getting the two of you in a hotel room with just one bed). 
  • They have increased physical contact with you. 
  • You catch them staring at you or giving you lingering looks. 
  • They’ve started or increased discussions about sex with you, especially consanguineous sex and relationships, and especially if it involves “joking” about consanguinamory or something happening between the two of you. 
  • They express jealousy or envy towards your (potential) dates or lovers. 
  • The people they date or find most attractive have similarities to you in appearance, age, mannerisms, etc. They may even (try to) date your friends. 
  • They’ve “accidentally,” or have had excuses to, come in to where you are changing clothes or showering/bathing or have tried to call you in when they are changing clothes or showering/bathing when it hasn’t been typical for you to be in those circumstances together. 
  • They are dressing up more impressively than usual or in more revealing clothing around you for no apparent reason.
  • They’ve started to invite you to tell them how they look or if something they’re wearing is appropriate. 
  • They mention having a sexual dream that included you. Even if they play it off as funny or strange, they could be trying to see how you react.
None of these by themselves mean it is certain they are sexually attracted to you, but the more that you recognize them doing, the more likely they are.

If you're still unsure and you don't want to come right out and ask them because it could be embarrassing, you can give them a chance to speak plainly about their feelings for you by talking about the subject in general. If you talk about it in a way that indicates to them that it is safe for them to talk with you about it and they can tell you anything, then they’ll reveal if they do feel that way for you. Some ways of doing this would be to say that you had a dream that included them, or that you’d consider it flattering if someone in the family thought you were attractive. You can say things like, "Is there anything on your mind you're not telling me? You can tell me anything, and I mean anything." Or something like, "You know, I've been thinking about how rare it can be for people to find a very strong, special connection to each other, and it is shame that some people think there is anything wrong with consenting adults loving each other in any way they want." There are many things you could say that will give them the confidence to be vulnerable with you.

You're Positive They Want to Jump Your Bones

No matter what your feelings are, you need to make it clear what boundaries, if any, you need to be in place.

Again, if you think you want to go for it, whether you’ve been hoping they feel that way or you’re curious or want to explore or experiment, go ahead and see this.

If you need limits on what is going to happen, when, where, etc., then you need to discuss that with them, as you should for any romantic or sexual relationship you’d have with anyone. Maybe your limits include cuddling, maybe kissing, maybe simply being naked around each other, maybe masturbating in front of each other, or touching each other or various forms of sexual contact. Maybe you want to move more slowly than you have with others (although many people in these situations end up moving faster than they have with others, and often regret that they didn’t get together sooner.)

If you think there is no way you'd want to get any more physically affectionate or romantic than you already do with them, do you know why? Consider if you’re internalizing a senseless prejudice against something that could be very enjoyable for both or all of you and bring you closer together. It might be a good idea to tell the other person you need some time to think about things. Sometimes, people who are initially shocked or have a negative reaction, after thinking it over, realize they have a mutual interest. The thought that they want you might have caught you off-guard or shocked you. Take some time of think about it. This is someone who loves you and knows you. It had to take some courage on their part to be vulnerable with you if they volunteered to you how they feel.

While there is no good reason to have laws or taboos against such relationships, you may have a reason to not have such a relationship, at least with this person. After all, each person needs to decide for themselves that they’re going to do and with whom when it comes to physical contact and romantic activities.

If you're not going to further or continue sexual or romantic affection, it would be best to let them down easy, and you probably want to let them down easy, unless they’ve been coercive in their approach. Who likes to be rejected?

Some things you might want to say, depending on the situation:

  • You’re flattered 
  • You love them
  • You’re not upset with them 
  • You just can’t go there because your feelings for them, while loving and pleasant, are entirely non-romantic and/or non-sexual 
  • You’re not open to a romantic or sexual relationship anyone right now (or anymore) 
  • You’re committed to someone else/others and do not want to jeopardize that 
  • You just can’t take the possible risks
Even if you already reacted in a way that wasn’t exactly letting them down easy, you can go back to them and tell them that you’re flattered, you’re sorry you reacted that way, but you were caught off guard, then tell them one or more of the statements above.

If you take the route of not “going there,” be sure to be mindful of what you’re doing around them because you do not want to tease them or give them false hope. It is tough enough for them to deal with the rejection; don’t add to the difficulty.

Also, they may be consanguinamorous as their orientation, and even if they aren't they might pursue a consanguinamorous relationship with someone else. Here's how to be an ally.

If you'd like to contact me to discuss these matters further, you can write me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

(Disclaimer: This entry assumes you live, or would move to, someplace where affection would not be a criminal matter.)

How To Pull Off Living With Your Consanguineous Lover

— — —