If She Wasn't Serious, She Wouldn't Have Revealed Her Feelings

There are better places than Reddit to have a serious discussion about consanguinamory, but I thought this recent post by someone with the screen name DaughterNeeds was an interesting one. [Please note this blog entry has been bumped up from a previous posting.] This person claims to be an involved/experienced daughter, and titled the post "Respect your daughter choice and say yes"...

Actually, the only time I felt unwanted or unloved or hurt or betrayed was when my father originally told me no. He was worried that he had somehow done something wrong or that somehow I was confused.

To the fathers who are out there let me assure you of something: If your daughter comes to you can rest assured that she is sure and yes she means it! We are socially programmed from birth to believe such feelings or thoughts are immoral and unethical. If your daughter comes to you longing for you, she has had more than enough time to think, rethink, and think some more. She has likely struggled to come to terms with how she feels and she has likely contemplated a million reasons on why she should squash her feelings and most certainly has she has tried. Unknowing to you she has most certainly tried her whole life to force herself to feel for someone else as strongly and as instinctively she feels for you.

She makes a good point. Unless the situation is a recent reunion/introduction, or she's literally insane to the point she has no idea what she's doing, a daughter making a clear pass at her father (or mother) must have thought about it a lot already. It might seem sudden to the parent, but it isn't to the daughter who is opening her heart and being extremely vulnerable.

I do believe genetic attraction is real. I too have a biological clock as it were, just as we all do; only my clock knew that my father was who I needed. I'll say again, needed. It was not just a fantasy or a phase or a silly want that I could dismiss. Deep down everything is telling me this is what I need. And until I actually got it I was not completely satisfied with my life as something always felt as if was missing until I got what I needed.

Sounds like she might be consanguinamorous in orientation.

When my father first told me no it broke my heart. I felt rejected on a level I could not ever put into words. Even today, looking back, that feeling still makes me feel heartbroken. Nothing he could say could make that level of pain and disappointment go away. I felt so hurt and even betrayed somehow. Now mind you, it was not that my father was not attracted to me (he was, very much so, but he never let me know), but rather it was as I said, he was worried that somehow he had done something wrong. He had not. In fact, it was because he had done everything right that I had felt so safe and secure with him and it allowed me to come to him with how I felt, even after fighting with myself for all those years (trying to suppress it).

Eventually, my father came around and we are in a happy committed relationship (going on six years). The only resentment I have ever had toward him was when he first would not validate my need for him (out of his own fears). I understand why he did but it would have been easier a lot sooner for the both of us if he had consented sooner. It was the only time I felt negativity and resentment toward my father.

Something I've heard over and over again from people who are involved is that their only regret was not getting together sooner.

We have been together now for five years and we both admit that our relationship is more magical than anything we could have dreamed of. We've talked in detail about how everything seems so much more intense (emotionally, physically, and spiritually). We recently gave birth to a happy baby boy who is almost a year old (9 months old). He is completely healthy and already mimicking early language skills. I feel completely happy, content, and completely satisfied with my life and the relationship I have with my father (as does he).

Congrats to them!

It is important for fathers or mothers to consider that a daughter has thought carefully and seriously about it already. Don't jump to the conclusion that it must be a fleeting, unconnected moment that will pass. There are other considerations, of course, and each person must decide for themselves what affections they are willing to share and receive. Taking things slowly is an option.

If you're having these feelings, reading this might help. If you think someone in your family has these feelings for you, this might help.

Trust the younger adult to know what she (or he) needs. 

Reach out to Keith if you need to talk with someone.