Permission Granted

Dear Reader,

This is your permission slip. This is your license.

If you have had feelings or thoughts, maybe even some sexual contacts, that you’ve been told are wrong because you’re not supposed to be with…

• someone of a different or specific race 
• someone of the same gender
• someone of certain gender identities 
• someone of certain sexual orientations 
• more than one person
• someone older or younger than you
• someone who is a close relative or family member

… you are hereby granted permission to explore.

If both or all of you are:

1. able to consent
2. free to consent per the rules of whatever existing relationships you have that you want to keep intact
3. consenting

…you have permission.

It doesn’t matter if people who aren’t involved don’t like it.

Whether you don’t know if they’d consent yet, or you’ve already gotten together with them & are questioning it, or you’re somewhere between those places, know that…

• You’re not alone - many people have felt, thought, and done this and are feeling, thinking, and doing this 
• It’s not wrong to feel your feelings
• It’s not wrong to think your thoughts
• It’s not wrong for people to consent to share affection or play 
• What matters is consent 
• You’re more likely to regret not trying than respectfully and carefully trying 

We embrace love, affection, freedom, curiosity, experimentation, exploration, and shared experiences.

Contact Keith for further discussion.

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PERMISSION SLIP

The holder of this permission slip is hereby granted permission to fantasize about & otherwise consider and engage in sharing love, touch, sex, kink, relationships, partnerships, residence and more with any and all who consent, as they mutually agree.

It’s Good to Hear From You

People reach out to me, Keith, from all over the world. It’s good to hear from you, whether you’re just passing along that you appreciate this blog, or you’re experienced in what this blog discusses, or you want to be.

The best ways to reach me are either via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or the Wire messaging app at fullmarriageequality. I’m present at some other places, too, like Facebook, X, Quora, and Reddit.

Sometimes, someone will contact me to share something with me and then immediately disappear. That’s fine, if you just wanted to express appreciation or tell “somebody” about your experiences. (You can also do that by commenting anonymously on posts here.) But if you want any assistance or an ongoing conversation, disappearing isn’t helpful. Stick around and you’ll probably be glad you did.

I understand that reaching can take courage, and even after you have, you might decide to pull back. But I’m just here to help. I do this out of love. I don’t even accept tips; I don’t have advertising. I want to help, and be a friendly connection. This is all a labor of love. So, reach out and stay connected. It’s good to hear from you.

Why Do I Feel This Way?

Has anything like these ever happened to you?

• You wake from from an erotically charged dream, feeling strange or confused because it featured a close relative or family member.
  
  
• You're close to orgasm, whether you're alone or with at least one other person, and thoughts of a relative pop into your head, taking you to climax.
  
  
• You've found yourself admiring your relative "a little too much," whatever the setting or occasion.

If you have experienced anything like any of those, you're not alone. This is more common than many people think, because far more people have such thoughts than will admit to most people they know.

If we're talking about someone who recently came (back) into your life and you, they, or the both of you were essentially raised through childhood apart, then it could be reunion GSA, which is very common in such situations. See this page for more information. Most of this entry also applies to you, but is more focused on people who were always in each other's life, or for the most part have been.

Is It Normal?

Family With Benefits

This post deals strictly with sexual situations. If you don't want to read about that, skip it. [This was published during the recent pandemic, but almost all of it is still relevant.]

Navigating the Holidays

The year-end holidays are here.

If you might be getting together with family for Hanukkah, Winder Solstice, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year's Eve/Day, or any other holiday coming up, you might be facing specific decisions and considerations, especially if you're in an interracial relationship or an age gap relationship, or are LGBTQ+, nonmonogamous, consanguinamorous, or are exploring/living out kinks and certain dynamics:

• Avoiding hostile people
• Keeping closeted
• Coming out
• Making a move

You are under no obligation to spend holidays with people who are hostile to you because of your gender, orientation, relationships, or kinks, even if they are related to you. Repeat that to yourself as needed.

That being said, if there is just one or two hostile people and there will be dozen or more other people, consider if you can go and simply avoid the hostile people. Some families and gatherings allow for that.

What you tell people, how, and when, is up to you. If you're not ready to come out to the people you'd be spending time with, you shouldn't have to. Or, if you think coming out now to one, more, or all of the people who will be there would be best, you'll need to prepare yourself for emotionally for that.

As far as making a move, if there is a person or people likely to be there you want to "get closer to," whether relatives or family friends, plan ahead for the possibilities. Will there be a way to get them alone? Would it be good to get things in motion ahead of time through texts, messages, video chats, calls, etc.? Or do you want to wait until you're face to face to get things in motion or back into motion, as the situation might be. Mistletoe and “stroke of midnight” kisses to ring in the New Year can present great opportunities.

Plan ahead and make the most of the season. What that means is up to you. For some of you, it will be making plans with friends and "found family" or your partner(s) and their families. Others will make the most of their opportunities by going "home." Plans can change, and that's fine. But do consider what you might want to do.

If you need someone to talk with or to give you feedback about your plans, or you just want to say hello to Keith, you can do so, as always, by emailing fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or message him on Wire at fullmarriageequality or on Facebook.

You can also comment with your thoughts, plans, or past experiences below.

Pansexual Pride Day

 

December 8th is Pansexual Pride Day, an annual celebration of the pansexual and panromantic community!

Pansexuals are people who have the capacity to form physical, romantic, and/or emotional attractions to people regardless of gender identity.

Pansexuals and panromantics should have their equal rights, and be free to share love, sex, kink, residence, and marriage with those who mutually consent, without bullying, discrimination, or criminalization.

If you’re pan or you’re an ally to people who are, please feel free to comment. We’d like to hear from you, and you can remain anonymous.

The Consanguinamorous and Allies Have a Place to Talk

If you're consanguinamorous or have ever been in a consanguinamorous relationship or have had sex with a close relative or want to, are experiencing Genetic Attraction or Genetic Sexual Attraction, you're a friend or family member of someone who is, or you're an ally in general, there is a good forum for you called Kindred Spirits. It's free, so come check it out, sign up with a username, and follow the instructions. The forum is based in France, which has no laws against consenting adults being consanguinamorous, but the forum is in English.

Kindred Spirits is a place to discuss both your struggles and the positive things about consanguinamory. There are multiple sections so, whether your having trouble or you're in bliss, you are welcome to participate. Connecting with others helps you and helps those others.

Please note:

• Kindred Spirits is for people considering consanguinamory or who have been involved in consanguinamory, or experiencing Genetic Attraction or Genetic Sexual Attraction, and allies, and supportive or curious friends and family.
• It is NOT for anyone under the age of 18.
• The forum is porn-free. There are plenty of other places to find porn with consanguinamory themes, so don't bother trying to find it at KS.
• The forum is not for incest fetishists or anyone else looking for fap material. Again, there are plenty of other places for that.
• The forum is not a place for haters to express their bigotry, prejudice, and ignorance. You're doing that in many other places.
• The forum is not for any adult who engages in, or wants to advocate, abusing minors or abusing anyone.

Why Am I Polyamorous?

There are diverse reasons as to why someone is polyamorous. This is apparent from the basic fact that there are many ways to be polyamorous, and that some people recognize they are polyamorous as part of who they are; it's not based on what they do, whereas others consider it something they do, not necessarily part of their identity.

When someone asks me why I am polyamorous, I could talk about it for hours. But I'm going to keep it short here.

I have a polyamorous orientation. (No, not all men are polyamorous.)

I realized I can care for more than one lover at a time. Whether it’s flirting, going out on dates, long intimate conversations, physical affection, celebrating special occasions, being there when someone is suffering and needing company or help, or otherwise spending time together, limiting all of that to one person feels extremely confining to me.

In addition, I don’t need someone I'm seeing or with to only get those things from me. In fact, I am fortunate enough to experience compersion, so I tend to like it when someone I'm seeing or with also has good experiences and bonds with someone else.

That’s the most basic way I can explain it.

I support your right to have the relationships to which you and your lovers mutually agree, and I hope you support mine.

Sibling Rivalry or Sibling Revelry

I used to be active on a certain Big Online Portal's question-and-answer feature, answering questions related to full marriage equality and relationship rights for all adults, and occasionally questions about teenager sexuality. I still read what goes on there. Every once in a while, someone will ask a question like this...

I caught my siblings making out, what should i do?

I caught my 16 year old sister and 17 year old brother making out, I don't really know what to do. To be honest I'm very shocked, and a bit disoriented thinking about it. They're both pretty attractive, I don't see why they would shack up with each other when they could go out and get people who... aren't related to them.

I want to tell ma and pa, but they begged me not to, don't really know how to approach this situation, Or if I should just respect their privacy. I guess I'm just worried about their mental health, but I guess that's pretty unfair of me to assume something is wrong with them.

What do i do?

For all we know, the teens "making out" with each other are both half-siblings to the asker, and unrelated to each other, or they could be stepsiblings or adopted siblings. Or, they could be half or full-blood siblings to each other. (It might have even been a reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction situation if the siblings have not been raised together.) Whatever their genetic, legal, and social relation, it isn't uncommon for siblings as close in age as they are, especially in their teens, to have such affection between them.

Also, we don't know where they live, and thus whether or not they live somewhere where it is legal for a 17-year-old and 16-year-old to have sex with each other.

Most therapists consider such sibling behavior, absent any coercion, force, or intimidation, to be mutual experimentation or exploration.

In general, however, my advice to someone in the asker's position is to:

1. Confirm this is a voluntary activity. If observing wasn't enough, ask the younger/smaller/less assertive/more needy sibling if they are being pressured, intimidated, coerced, or forced in any way.

2. Respect their privacy. Start by reminding them it's a good idea to be discreet and promise you will knock.

3. Protect and support them.

4. If needed, assist them in accessing contraception and health care.

(See this extensive advice at The Final Manifesto for friends and family of consanguinamorous siblings.)