Thursday, April 24, 2014

Search Phrase of the Day

People find this blog through some interesting search queries.

Some from the past 24 hours include…

adult sibling sex

consensual sister incest group

“sex with my sister”

adult aunt and nephew sexual relations… [I don’t know if there was more to it, such as relationship]

brother and sister living as a couple


can you marry your brother

But the one that I thought was the winner is…

is ok by jewish law to have a threesome…

Again, there may have been more to it, such as …with two brothers or something like that.

I’m not an expert in Jewish law. From what I understand, if you ask two Jews you’ll get three opinions. If any of you have studied Jewish law, feel free to offer at least one opinion.

In all seriousness, I hope people find what they’re looking for when they come to this blog. I enjoy getting comments and emails that thank me for helping.
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Happy News From a Married Triad

When last we blogged about Doll, Kitten and Brynn, they had shared news of their wedding, which isn't legally recognized as a marriage because of ongoing denial of full marriage equality. Well, now they are expecting! Here's the coverage from Deni Kirkova at

Doll, 30, Kitten, 27, and Brynn Young, 34, (L-R) from Massachusetts, USA, are the world's first married lesbian threesome and are expecting a baby daughter in July

Doll, Kitten and Brynn, from Massachusetts, were joined together in a marriage-style ceremony last August and are expecting a daughter in July.

Kitten, 27, is pregnant after undergoing IVF treatment using an anonymous sperm donor, and the trio eventually plan to have three children - one for each of them.

Hopefully, the triad will be able to have their marriage treated equally under the law sooner rather than later. Why should these mothers be denied the rights? Want more children to be raised within marriage? Let more people marry!
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Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Dear Prudence Defends Polyamorous Triad

Polyamory continues to come out of the closet. Dear Prudence handled a letter from a woman who was "queasy" about her sister's polyamory.
My sister Julia recently told our family that she and her husband Jake are in a polyamorous triad with their best friend Tony. The three of them have been together for as long as Julia has been with Jake (seven years) and all of their friends know that, essentially, Tony is Julia's other husband.
Sounds very stable.
She does not know whether the child is Jake's or Tony's, but both men plan to raise the child equally. 
If they want to know who the genetic father is, they can get a DNA test.
Our brother claims they're an amazing set and that Julia has never been this happy. My parents, my husband, and I are more realistic and feel queasy about the arrangement. 
How is that more "realistic?" They are happy!
I cannot imagine how their child will feel, growing up with half siblings (Julia plans to have children by both men) and with their mom sleeping with two men. 
Sounds like the child will feel loved.

Dear Prudence got it right...
You don't have to "support" it, you just have to act like a decent person. Jake, Julia, and Tony are a threesome. Your sister is not asking for your advice or approval, she is just asking to be treated politely. 
Does the letter writer want to see her niece or nephew, or not? Isn't it great that her sister has two men who love her? Isn't it great the child will have three loving parents in the home?
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Saturday, April 19, 2014

UK Still Sending Consenting Adults to Jail

There's an update in a case we last talked about here and now we have information that wasn't previously distributed in the news media. The headlines are designed to be mislead, and the reports not only published the names, but the pictures of the consenting adults, as they have before. Here's Mark Molloy's report at
A paedophile has been jailed after committing incest with his 23-year-old daughter he gave up for adoption when she was a baby.

A "paedophile?" Not for this case. But notice that is how the sentence was started.
Frank Humphreys, 51, of Cleator Moor, Cumbria, was given a 21 month sentence after pleading guilty to having sex with an adult relative.
Consensual sex. He's going to jail for consensual sex, people. There's no good reason for that. They should have taken the steps I describe here.
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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Search Phrase of the Day

People search fore many interesting things that bring them to this blog. Today, someone got here by searching...
how to seduce my married brother

 If you suspect your husband's sibling is trying to seeuce him, you just might be right. This is more proof.

OK, much of what I wrote here applies.

That the brother is married matters if it is a closed marriage. This blog does not advise cheating, and where consanguinamory is still illegal, the bother's spouse(s) can use the law to destroy the brother and his sibling. The whole thing can be an ugly mess, even if law enforcement isn't involved.

However, if marriage is open or if it is dead, and those are two very different situations, there is a chance that might be right to pursue. In some open marriages, the brother's spouse can even be the key, for more than one reason. The spouse can test his possible interest, the spouse can set up certain situations. Use your imagination here.

So much depends not only on the conditions of the marriage, but the personalities of the people involved.

People are always welcome to contact me via private message or email (see my instructions on commenting) to get my specific perspective about a given situation.
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More About NY Teen Hit With Criminal Charge of Consensual Sex

We recently told you about this case here.

Since then, I found two other news items about the case. They both reveal that the boy arrested is 17, but both give his name! Most news sources do not reveal names of criminal defendants under the age of 18, and almost as many do not reveal any names in cases of sexual assault or molestation so as to protect the identity of the person or persons who were allegedly victimized. One of the articles says he is "is accused of engaging in oral sexual conduct with an underage male family member." But what does that mean? The criminal charge implies it was not an assault, meaning the other person did it willingly. Also, "underage" can mean 16 or 2. That's a huge difference. Again, if he assaulted or molested a kid, charge him accordingly. If this was sexual exploration with a willing 15-year-old, this should not be a crime. Why haven't the reports indicated how law enforcement got involved? If it was the other minor complaining, that is a world of difference than if an uptight neighbor saw two boys enjoying each other and decided to put and end to it.

I'm tagging this with brother-brother and siblings even though we have no way of knowing. It could have been a nephew.
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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Is New York Prosecuting Teenagers For Consensual Sex?

Most therapists don't consider sex between minors close in age problematic or abusive unless there is some form of coercion or duress involved. Let me get that out of the way first. At, I found this report that a "teenager" in Corinth, New York has been arrested and charged with a felony...
A local teenager has been arrested and accused of incest.
According to the Saratoga County Sheriff's Office, the teen was arrested on Sunday evening following an investigation into a reported sex offense.
The teenager was arrested and charged with Incest in the 3rd, a felony, and sexual misconduct, a misdemeanor.
Third degree implies this was NOT assault, but rather something the other person did willingly. See for yourself...
§ 255.25 Incest in the third degree. A person is guilty of incest in the third degree when he or she marries or engages in sexual intercourse, oral sexual conduct or anal sexual conduct with a person whom he or she knows to be related to him or her, whether through marriage or not, as an ancestor, descendant, brother or sister of either the whole or the half blood, uncle, aunt, nephew or niece. Incest in the third degree is a class E felony.
If this had been an assault, then he could have been charged with second degree (which specifies nonconsent) and/or some other crimes. Third degree should not even be a matter of criminal law.

Back to the article...
Authorities say the teen is accused of engaging in the sex offense with a younger family member.
He was arraigned and remanded to the Saratoga County Jail in lieu of bail or bond.

It is rather difficult to commit incest with someone who isn't a relative. Seriously, what's really going on here? If this was assault, charge it as such. If this was consensual, leave it alone. Since they didn't name him, and since they didn't say they were withholding his name to protect the other person, my guess is that he's a minor himself, and my guess is also that someone else ratted them out. Again, if this was an assault, charge him accordingly. Otherwise, this is a waste of law enforcement and ruining a young man's life for no good reason. A reminder to all to read this.

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Thursday, April 10, 2014

April 11 is the National Day of Silence in the US

GLSEN's National Day of Silence takes place Friday, April 11.

It's a day of silence, especially in schools, to bring awareness to the prejudice and inequality suffered by LGBT people. Along with all allies, I also think poly people and consanguinamorous people should participate. Everyone should have the freedom to be themselves without being bullied. Every adult should have the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those withouth the others) with ANY and ALL consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. LGBT, poly, and consanguinamorous students and faculty still have to deal with hateful policies and attacks, but with your help, that will continue to change.
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Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Game of Thrones and Sibling Love

What’s the reality behind the love affair of the fictional Lannisters?

If you pay attention to television at all (or like funny “honest trailers”), you probably know that Game of Thrones is back for another season and is a very popular choice for viewers.

One of the story elements that attracts much attention is an secret sexual affair between siblings Cersei and Jaime Lannister.

This affair apparently involves cheating, which this blog does not encourage or condone, but this blog does defend consensual incest (consanguinamory) in general, since we are here to promote the rights of all adults, regardless of their gender, sexual orientation, race, religion, or class to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults, regardless of number of partners, kinship, consanguinity, or affinity. For our purposes right now, that translates to us supporting the rights of adult siblings, whether they are adoptive siblings, stepsiblings, half-siblings, or full-blood siblings, to have sex with each other, live together, or marry, if that’s what they want.

It doesn’t matter if someone else thinks it is disgusting. If it is what they want; they should be allowed.

There aren’t any rational arguments, consistently applied to all relationships, as to why siblings should be denied their rights.

This is not merely and academic discussion or a debate about fictional characters. Real people are harmed by prejudice against them, even though they themselves are not hurting anyone.

Experimentation, flings, even lifelong spousal relationships are much more common between siblings than many people realize. There are a surprisingly large number of people out there who, paradoxically, think they are alone. I guarantee you know siblings who are, or have been, involved. If that creeps you out, well, try to think through and realize that even if you are not attracted to (or are repulsed by, or were abused by) your sibling(s), that isn’t the case for everyone. If, on the other hand, you want to know what you can do to make the world a little better for people who face persecution and even prosecution, see here.

Again, I’m talking about consensual interaction here, not molestation or assault.

If you’re interested in more fiction about sibling consanguinamory, Diane Rinella wrote an engrossing and empathetic series that I can’t recommend more strongly.

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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Another Commentary on Consanguinamory in Fiction

At, Leah Rhyne wrote about "incest in fiction," and while that subject can fill many volumes, she provides a very limited survey and her personal reactions, inspired by Game of Thrones, which returns April 6.

Yes, Cersei and Jamie are reunited now, and with their reunion comes the reminder: though they're twins, Jaime and Cersei like to...get it on. Do the nasty. Dance the horizontal mambo.

*waits for the collective shuddering to end*

Rhyne wants to make it clear she's disgusted. Not so much by the cheating. By the fact that the characters are consanguineous.

Look. I'm the youngest of three children. I have two older brothers, of whom I think the world. Seriously, they're awesome. Fabulous. We have a great time when we get together, and even when we can't, we email, text, or call, just for fun. Just to make each other laugh. That's how cool they are.
But no matter what, no matter how cool I think they are, when you get right down to it, the idea of ever...oh dear god no never...making out with them makes me want to puke my guts out. No offense, guys, but you're my brothers.

Substitute "friends" (of the male variety)  for "brothers," and you have the feelings of many heterosexual men. They are disgusted by the thought of having sex with their male friends. Should they write about how disgusting same-gender sex is in general?

So why then, if it's the one thing that makes us all give a collective dry heave, does incest appear in so much literature?
Because it is a part of life.
My own personal first experience reading about incest came somewhere in the late 80s when I picked up a copy of (I'm ashamed to admit it now) Flowers in the Attic at my local Walden Books.

Of course. Want to read something more current? See here. Rhyne assures us she was disgusted by the book.
As an English major in college, I learned that incest is a common literary device, dating back to ancient time. Who can forget the story of Oedipus Rex? Remember him? He's the fella that killed his father, married his mother, and screwed up everything around him, becoming the inspiration for Freud's theory of the Oedipus Complex. You know, the one that says all boys go through a phase in which they want to kill their fathers and do the nasty with their mothers? Yeah. Mother-son incest. Ick.

Yeah, we get it. She doesn't like it. 
Of course, incest didn't end with the fall of ancient Greece. In the comparatively-modern classic To Kill a Mockingbird, it's heavily insinuated that Mayella Ewell is frequently molested by her father, Bob Ewell.
Uh, there's a huge difference between assault/molestation and consensual sex.
Well, for one, they write about it because it happens. Take a look at your history books, people. Read about almost any royal family in almost any country with a monarchy, and you'll see it. Cousins marrying cousins, keeping the royal lineage within the family. Brothers marrying sisters, ensuring their bloodlines remain pure. 

She got that right.

Incest is also used as further example of a character's evil ways. We can't be too shocked in Book 1 of GoT when Jaime shoves poor Bran off the side of a tower. After all, he's just been interrupted during a naked tryst with his sister! See? See how that works? He's a sexual deviant; of course he's also a killer. 

Is she being sarcastic?

So all we can do is deal with the sly looks between Jaime and Cersei when Game of Thrones comes back on air, and turn the pages and swallow back the bile when we read about it in novels and plays. And we can all try our hardest not to even imagine ourselves with our...oh, god no....never mind...I can't even type it.

Doth she protest too much?

What kind of message does something like this send to, say, an 18-year-old woman who realizes she's fallen in love with her 20-year-old sibling, and is already dealing with so much fear of persecution, discrimination, and rejection?
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Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Another Set of Introductory Advice for Polyamory

At, psychologist Nina Melksham gives brief introductory advice for entering into polyamorous relationships.

Five steps to successful polyamory

Remember, you can’t control the way you feel – only the way you behave. One of the most common agreements people make when opening their relationship is, “No falling in love.” But you can’t control how you feel. Usually this agreement is made out of fear of losing special things like quality time, affection or attention. A more practical agreement might be something like, “No matter how strongly we feel for someone else, we will always spend at least three nights a week together.”
Polyamory continues to come out of the closet.

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