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Friday, April 12, 2024

An Open Letter To Those Bothered By Our Existence

Are you bothered by our presence here? Do you find it disagreeable that this blog advocates for the rights of ALL ADULTS to live out their gender, sexuality, and relationship diversities with mutually CONSENTING ADULTS, or by themselves if they prefer? Are you bothered even though we are clearly NOT talking about abuse of anyone, especially not children, and we have explained that equality for all will actually help decrease abuse?

This blog has many followers. Most of the feedback and reaction we get is very positive and appreciative. There is a need for what we’re doing.

If you are bothered by this blog, which is here to advocate for equality and civil rights for all adults, there are many ways you can choose to react, some good and some terrible:

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Thursday, April 11, 2024

Consanguinamory Day is April 28 - Consider Making Plans

There are countless ways to observe or celebrate Consanguinamory Day, which falls each year on 4/28 or 28/4 depending on how you write dates. You still have time to make plans for this year's observance on the last Sunday of this month. Celebrate consanguinamory!

Bring up to the topic of consanguinamory and/or consanguinamorous people in your discussions.

Do something to advance rights.

Become an ally.

Come out as an ally to specific people you know.

Come out as an ally in general.

Come out as consanguinamorous.

Initiate consanguinamory into a relationship.

Rekindle a consanguinamorous relationship.

Celebrate your ongoing consanguinamorous relationship.

Display The Lily.

Start planning now! If you'd like to discuss your plans with Keith, contact him via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or on Wire at fullmarriageequality. You can also leave a comment with your plans or your suggestions to others by using the comments feature below.
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Wednesday, April 10, 2024

National Siblings Day

It’s National Siblings Day, at least here in the US. 

In keeping with the interests of this blog, we want to celebrate all people who love their siblings, especially if that includes supporting your sibling as they face discrimination for their gender identity,  their sexual or relationship orientations, or their relationships or sexuality.

We also want to celebrate all siblings in consanguinamorous relationships. For many of them, there is no more important person in the world than their sibling(s).

So if you have a good sibling, let them know you appreciate them.

Here's one of many interviews I've done with consanguinamorous siblings. There are more here.

If you have siblings or children or a parent or some other close relative or friends in such a sibling relationship, this is for you.

Sometimes middle-aged siblings experience a change in their relationship dynamic. Unfortunately, siblings are still denied their freedom to marry in most of the world.

Finally, there is some really wonderful, painfully realistic fiction about a sibling relationship.

Comment below or email fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com if you have something you want to share about your sibling(s).
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Saturday, April 6, 2024

Was There a History or a Missed Opportunity?

Engagements can change family dynamics.

BAFFLED BROTHER wrote to Dear Abby...

My little sister and I got along great as kids. We played together a lot, and even when we made new friends and grew different interests, we promised to always have each other's backs.

In high school, I befriended and eventually started dating a girl my family adored, my sister included. After nine years, we have finally become engaged, but now my sister has grown hostile toward us. She never hinted that she disliked my fiancee before, and nobody in our family can get a reason from her.

There are multiple possibilities. One is that his sister liked things the way they were, as they'd been going on for almost a decade; the engagement and planning for a married life means things will change, and she doesn't want them to change. Marriage legally makes the spouses next-of-kin. Until he's married, his parents and sister are his legal next-of-kin.

A possibility that can't help but come to mind on this blog is that the siblings have a history of intimacy and affection that this newer relationship ended, with a wedding likely to close the door entirely. Maybe the letter writer's emotions from those times were not as deep as his sister's? Maybe he saw it as just youthful experimentation and play, while she saw it, and still does, as more?

Maybe the sister has wanted to have more intimacy and affection with her brother, meaning the siblings have had a missed opportunity. That would definitely make sense out of her not telling anyone why she is "hostile."

It's possible the bride-to-be said something negative to the sister after the proposal, especially about how close sister and brother had been, and how that will never be the case again.

Whatever is the case, hopefully things will work out for the best.

Dear Abby advised that the brother talk with his sister one-on-one. That's a very good idea. But what if his sister confesses a strong consanguinamorous attraction to him? He should be prepared for that, as well as hearing some unpleasant observations about his intended.

In general, anyone who is going to legally marry should have discussed with their future spouse what the rules of the relationship are and will be about flirting, sex, romance, and general socialization with others, especially if they want the rules to be different than they've been for the many years they've already been together.
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International Asexuality Day

International Asexuality Day is today, Saturday, April 6th.

Included in today's observance is demisexuality, grey-asexuality, and other ace idententites.

If you're an asexual, you are welcome here.

Asexuals aren't broken.

Asexuality exists.

Asexuality isn't a phase.

Asexuals can have meaningful relationships, including relationships that include sex.
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Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Intergenerational Relationships Aren't Automatically Abusive

After I boosted my post "Intergenerational Relationships Can Work" on the Tumblr counterpart to this blog. (And again, we are talking about ADULTS.) This prompted someone to anonymously message that Tumblr blog...
Oh, hey! Somehow I didn't notice you supported intergenerational relationships, and I checked your answers to common objections and there was no reference to it, so may I direct you to a couple of links you might find interesting? They are against intergenerational relationships, but they might have notions you haven't considered.
From what I could see, the objections to intergenerational relationships (generally meaning 20 or more years difference in age) or even just age-gap relationships (less than 20, but, say ages 18 vs. 24 or 30 vs. 45) were all variations on the "power imbalance" argument.
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Saturday, March 30, 2024

Transgender Day of Visibility 2024

Sunday, March 31 is Transgender Day of Visibility 

This year, this day is more important than ever.

Transgender people are diverse. There is no one right way to be trans.

Transgender people are everywhere. If you think you've never met a transgender person or shared a restroom with someone who is transgender, you're almost certainly wrong. You just didn't realize.

We want transgender people to know: You are welcome here. We see you. We care. We will continue to speak up for your rights.

If you're not transgender, pledge to be an ally to those who are.

It makes sense to have this dat in the Spring season, which is associated with renewal and rebirth. This year, it coincides with Easter. While this bothers some people, others see it as appropriate.
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Saturday, March 23, 2024

Ancestry, DNA, 23, Family Trees, and You

It's happening so often now. Someone sends in their DNA to be tested and they learn about close relatives, some they didn't even know they had. Sometimes, family secrets are revealed.

23andMe, Ancestry.com, Family Tree DNA, GeneTree, Genographic Project, MyHeritage, and Navigenics, and other services, often along with social media and networking and ease of travel, means people meeting or reuniting with close relatives.

Have you discovered consanguinamory in your family tree?

What about donor-conceived people getting together?

Have new or long-lost relatives been revealed  to you?

A lot of people are dealing with these things now. There are people who understand. You can always write me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com
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Sunday, March 17, 2024

Is a Woman Unable to Consent to Marry Her Sibling?

[Bumping this up because it is still revelant.] I take the idea of consenting adults seriously. An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion should be free to share love, sex, kink, residence, and marriage (or any other legal union offered) with any and all consenting adults.

This does not mean I think any given person is a good match for any other person, or that they are treating each other right. It just means whether or not they have a relationship and what they do together should be up to them, not anyone else.

Our laws are inconsistent about this. A 22-year-old woman living below the poverty level can legally consent to sign a prenuptial agreement and legally marry a 60-year-old male billionaire. She can have sex with the President of the United States, who obviously has much more power than her. The law in many places allows her to marry a complete stranger. Also, in most places, she can legally live with and consent to sex with a man who has what amounts to a harem, or she can consent to group sex with several weightlifting champions she’s never met before, or an older man who’s been her next-door neighbor since she was born and babysat her throughout her childhood, and is now living on death row as a convicted murderer. That’s all legal. However, in many places she’s still barred from legally marrying another 22-year-old woman, and in even more places, she is still barred from having consensual sex with, let alone marrying a full or half sibling, even if they weren’t raised together. I have yet to hear a reason justifying such discrimination that withstands scrutiny.

Recently some tweets were directed to me by a thoughtful person questioning brother-sister marriage, and those tweets deserve responses longer than 140 characters, so I’m putting my response here.

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Saturday, March 16, 2024

You Did the Taboo - Now What?

So you've had sex* with your close relative or family member, whether a cousin, brother, sister, mom, dad, son, daughter, aunt, uncle, niece, nephew, grandparent, or grandchild. Or maybe more than one of those. "What have I done?" you might have asked, or "Now what?" This can be so whether these are your blood relatives, adoptive relatives, or step relations.

There may or may not be feelings of elation, confusion, awkwardness, guilt, shame, and... a strong desire to do it again.

It is important for you to know...

1) You're not alone. I guarantee you know someone else who has had similar experiences. Most people keep quiet about them, but you'd be surprised who in your life has had consanguineous sexual encounters. Some of these situations might be like yours.
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Saturday, March 9, 2024

How Common Are Swinging Parties?


Here is his answer to the question "How Common Are Swinging Parties?"

Very. Very very very. There are a lot of swingers in the world. 
If you’re near any reasonably-sized Western town, there’s probably a swing party or three happening somewhere in town on any given weekend, not including all the private sex parties and play parties happening in private homes. 
If you’re in a larger town or small city, I can pretty much guarantee there are swinger events happening near you, on average, at least four or five days a week. If you’re in a major city, I’ll bet money a sex party is taking place within five miles of you on any given weekend.
This idea that most people are cisgender heterosexual lifelong monogamists (or serial monogamists) who fit neatly into traditional gender roles and marry one person of the "opposite sex" who is the same race as them and not "too closely" related and they have vanilla sex in their bedroom 2-3 times per week and rarely anywhere else is something that just doesn't match up with reality.

There are people who are voluntarily celibate and/or chaste, whether they are asexual or not.

There are people not far from where you are right now who are transgender or genderfluid.

There are people not far from where you are right now who...
  • Are in a relationship/marriage with someone of a different race.
  • Are in same-sex monogamous or monogamish relationships, including marriage.
  • Are ethically nonmonogamous, whether they are swingers or in open relationships or are polyamorous or somehow engaged in, and/or prone to, some forms of consensual, honest nonmonogamy.
  • Are in, or oriented towards, romantic and/or erotic relationships with close relatives.
  • Engage in what are considered kinks or fetishes that only involve consensual interactions with others.
You don't even realize it about many of them, especially if you aren't looking for it. So many of these people lead otherwise "regular" or "traditional" lives.

Our laws, institutions, workplaces, policies, and programs must take these things into account. Affirming relationship rights, including full marriage equality, will help with that.
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Thursday, March 7, 2024

Support the Rights of All Women

March 8 is International Women's Day.

All women should be free to be themselves, to have their basic human and civil rights, whether they are cisgender, transgender, or noncomforming or fluid; whether they are asexual, heterosexual, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, or pansexual; whether they are aromantic, celibate, monogamous, or nonmonogamous. Whether their relationships are exogamous, endogamous, or consanguineous. Whether they are questioning or they are certain. Whether they are raising children or have raised children or not. Whether they are married or partnered or single.

A woman, regardless of her birth, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, kink, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with ANY and ALL consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, shaming, or discrimination.

(Same goes for any other adults, too.)
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Wednesday, March 6, 2024

Secretly and Happily Married

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. 

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law. Most can’t even be out of the closet or they’ll face prosecution under absurd incest laws, which, instead of focusing on abuse, also target consensual relationships.

The man interviewed below should be free 
to legallmarry his spouse, or simply be together without having to hide, yet they can’t. Prejudice can be deadly. They are consenting adults; why should they have been denied their rights? In much of the world, they could be criminally prosecuted for loving each other this way, and might be persecuted severely in addition.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what he has to say about the love they share. You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic, but whatever your reaction, should lovers like these be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights simply because they love each other this way?

Also please note that someone you love, respect, and admire could be in a similar relationship right now. Should they be attacked and denied rights because of the "incest" label? 

Note: This is a "David" I have not interviewed before.


*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.


David: My name is David. I'm a divorced father in my forties to a very lovely daughter. I have a home-based business as a contractor for which I oversee computer systems such as phones, fire suppression, air conditioning, lighting, etc., all via the Internet. There are certain companies that, despite having a qualified staff on site, sometimes need me to quietly look in when no one is looking. That's the only way I can say it without getting into trouble. 


I'm in good shape and healthy as my job has me sitting lots. I keep in shape by walking lots and hiking in the mountains when possible. I love cooking and I love a good cup of tea. What's interesting is how my daughter has followed in my footsteps. She is a very confident woman, working towards her RN. When she was in high school, she started volunteering at our local hospital, helping the unit clerks, working at the information booth, cleaning and just being a kind voice and smile to patients and their families. I am so proud of her and her drive. She does have a touch of OCD, a strong focus. This has helped her countless times, and helped me as well.


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Tuesday, March 5, 2024

National Sons Day - March 4

If you have a son, it's time to think about the good things he's brought into your life and what you can do to show your support and appreciation.

A special shout out to all the parents who support their sons who are LGBTQ+,
ethically nonmonogamous, and/or consanguinamorous

Speaking of consanguinamory, a very special shout out to all of you who are consanguinamorous with a son. I'm sure you can think of a great way to celebrate the day.

If you are considering adding an additional bond with your son, this might help.

You can let us know if you make a point of marking this day, either by commenting below (you can do so anonymously) or by contacting Keith
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Saturday, March 2, 2024

Why Attempt to Suppress Affection?

Why would anyone waste time, energy, and other resources attempting to suppress affection or recreation between mutually consenting people?

Do you have a personal dislike of some forms of sex, or certain people? So what? Why do you even feel a need to tell people sharing love or play that you disapprove, let alone try to censor or criminalize them?

Who are they harming? Who are they endangering?

Life is short. Don’t waste yours trying to stop other people from being affectionate or playful with each other.

Don’t fight against equality; that’s a threat to freedom.

Rather, show solidarity and support the rights of all. You’ll find it makes you a better person overall. Love is better than hate.
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Thursday, February 29, 2024

Zero Discrimination Day - March 1

Celebrated by UNAIDS, Zero Discrimination Day is observed to to stand against discrimination and inequality in health care, including fighting stigma regarding HIV/AIDS.

When people seek health care, they shouldn't be discriminated against because of any disease they have, or for being LGBTQ+, nonmonogamous, consanguinamorous, kinky, or anything else about their gender, sexuality, or relationships.

Reject prejudice, stigma, and unjust discrimination.

Serve those who need care.
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Monday, February 26, 2024

Metamour Day - February 28

Wednesday, February 28, is Metamour Day.

It’s a day to celebrate the relationships people have with their metamours. Metamours are a partner’s other partners, or other significant others (OSOs). “Metamour” is a commonly used term in polyamory and sometimes in the wider ethical/consensual/disclosed nonmonogamy community.

Having a positive relationship with a metamour benefits everyone. Some metamours have little contact with each other. Others are best friends.

Do you have a metamour? Are you cordial? Friendly? Best of friends? If you're polyamorous and people in your life are metamours to each other through you, tell us about how that is going. Let us know by commenting below.




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Thursday, February 22, 2024

Is It OK? (Mother and Daughter)

I’m continuing a series here of answers I posted to Quora that got attacked by censors. Most of my appeals have been granted, restoring those specific answers.

If you don’t follow me on Quora already, please do so and upvote my answers, if you’re so inclined. 

This specific answer wasn’t restored. But the question is still there, without another answer.


***** 

https://www.quora.com/Is-it-okay-to-have-sex-with-both-a-mother-and-a-daughter-at-the-same-time/answer/Keith-Pullman

Profile photo for Keith Pullman

It isn’t just okay, it can be WONDERFUL.

Of course, that’s having sex, not assaulting anyone. And NOT cheating, meaning you’re not breaking rules you have with either.

Would the LAW say it is OK? That depends. Laws vary from place to place, but in some US states, there are still unconstitutional laws criminalizing any sexual affection between a daughter and her mother. But they can both be sexual with YOU, even at the same time.


*****

NOTE: These specific answers in this series were "deleted" at Quora after being there for a while and being well-received. They were probably hidden from view because some bigot targeted me, as evidenced by the fact that many were deleted in rapid fire.

I have previously appealed such deletions successfully. However, whether or not my deleted answers are restored, I’ll be adding them to this blog. You’ll see for yourself there’s no reason to delete these answers. Someone asked a question. I gave a sincere and careful answer.

If you want to contact me privately, I can be reached on the Wire messaging service at fullmarriageequality or via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

more 
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Wednesday, February 21, 2024

Is Polyamory Just Another Word For Swinging or an Open Relationship?

NO.

These three terms are not synonymous.

All three ARE forms of ethical nonmonogamy or consensual nonmonogamy or disclosed nonmonogamy.


Swinging can involve unattached individuals, but usually involves established couples (or even triads, quads, etc.) in group encounters with others, in which the focus is on casual sex. Sure, the people involved can be friends, even close and longtime friends, they might even love each other, but what's going on is that people get together at sex parties.

Open relationships, including open marriages, are relationships in which there is an existing, established bond, but those in the relationship have agreed that they are open to new partners, whether they are short term or long term partners.

There is also swapping, in which people in a relationship trade partners with people in another relationship, mostly for sex. This is usually done with just two or three couples, as opposed to at a party.

Polyamory means having a romantic, dating, courting, nesting, or spousal relationship with more than one person, with the agreement of all. It takes on many, many forms. It could be a triad who live as spouses to each other. It could involve a married couple who also have girlfriends/boyfriends they see individually or together. It could be four people who are dating each other on an ongoing basis. There are countless forms of polyamory. Some people are polyamorous as an orientation.

Some polyamorous relationships are open. Some are closed. Some polyamorous people engage in swapping and/or swinging, some don't.

Many people who are in open relationships or who swing or swap don't consider themselves polyamorous, especially if they're only looking for casual sex when they get with people outside of their relationships.

There are people in open relationships who are not swingers and do not engage in swapping. There are people who will do swapping but don't consider themselves swingers. There are swingers who do not identify their relationship as open, especially if the only time and place they will get sexual with others is at a swingers club/party.

So, the terms mean different things. And there are other forms of ethical nonmonogamy.


"Yeah, but aren't these all just different words for cheating?"

NO!

Cheating is breaking the rules.

Ethical or consensual nonmonogamy means that the people involved have agreements ("rules") that allow for what they are doing.

To be sure, there are people who are involved in these forms of ethical/consensual nonmonogamy who are sometimes involved in cheating, but that is because they broke the rules.

It is up to the people involved in a relationship what the terms of their relationship will be, and if and when those terms will change. As people go through life, their desires and needs can change and they might revisit the terms to modify them.

We need to ensure that adults, regardless of gender, can share love, sex, kink, residence, and marriage (and any of those things without the others) with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. There is no good reason our laws shouldn't protect these rights, and institutions and service providers need to except and account for the fact that some people are nonmonogamous, and not assume everyone is monogamous or wants monogamy, and certainly not try to force people to be monogamous.
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Saturday, February 17, 2024

Consulting An Attorney If You Can't Legally Marry

If we had relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality, so many of the troubles facing so many people would go away.

But we don't have that yet.

So people in certain relationships face discrimination ranging from employment and housing discrimination, to denial of the freedom to marry, to imprisonment.

In the US, the people who help you with matters of law are called lawyers or attorneys. Other terms might be used in other countries.

In the US, you still can't be legally married to more than one person at the same time, and you can't be married to someone who is "too closely" related to you. (How close is "too close" varies by state.)

If you are in such a relationship, you can still have certain things similar to being legally married, such as:
  • shared financial accounts and investments
  • shared purchases, ownerships, and sales
  • sharing a residence
  • beneficiary or reciprocal beneficiary status
  • hospital visitation
  • being able to make decisions for one another should one of you become unable to communicate or dementia, memory loss, or mental illness necessitates someone else make decisions on your behalf
Without being legally married and without having paperwork that says otherwise, partners are not treated as next of kin or survivors; a biological or legal relative, even if estranged, indifferent or hostile will usually be considered next of kin, be able to make medical decisions, exclude partners from hospital visits, and claim ownership of the person's estate when they pass.

It might be worth it for you and your partner(s) to consult a family law and/or estate planning attorney. A good attorney can come up with the paperwork that will allow you to be responsible for each other, before and above anyone else.

DO NOT tell the attorney, no matter how kind and trustworthy, you’re lovers. They don’t need to know that and it can only cause problems. Rather, explain what it is you want, which might involve joint ownership or control of something financial, “power of attorney,” "medical power of attorney," reciprocal beneficiaries, and whatever else. Explain you want to be able to make decisions for each other and visit each other, before/above anyone else. You want to be considered primary next of kin to each other, you want custody of your minor children to go to each other in the event one of you passes - if that's what you want.

Over the years, some partners have used adoption, with one partner legally adopting their adult partner(s).

What options work best for you and your partner(s) can be determined if you hire a good lawyer. Lawyers aren't cheap, but depending on what you want, their help can be worth it.

Keep in mind that in situations in which genetic relatives were raised apart, they are often not considered family for things like inheritance, but are still treated like family when it comes to prosecuting them for being together. That is just one example of why they might need the help of an attorney and yet shouldn't tell the attorney if they are lovers.
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Thursday, February 15, 2024

Asked and Answered

I’m continuing a series here of answers I posted to Quora that got attacked by censors. Most of my appeals have been granted, restoring those specific answers.

If you don’t follow me on Quora already, please do so and upvote my answers, if you’re so inclined.

*****

https://www.quora.com/Has-anybody-had-sex-with-both-mom-and-daughter-at-same-time/answer/Keith-Pullman

Profile photo for Keith Pullman

I have had sex with a mom and daughter at the same time. The mother didn’t raise the daughter, who found her after becoming an adult. They experienced reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction for each other. They had plenty of sex with each other without me, but lucky me, they started to include me sometimes. There’s a lot more to this but I’m sticking to what directly answers the question.



*****

NOTE: These specific answers in this series were "deleted" at Quora after being there for a while and being well-received. They were probably hidden from view because some bigot targeted me, as evidenced by the fact that many were deleted in rapid fire.

I have previously appealed such deletions successfully. However, whether or not my deleted answers are restored, I’ll be adding them to this blog. You’ll see for yourself there’s no reason to delete these answers. Someone asked a question. I gave a sincere and careful answer.

If you want to contact me privately, I can be reached on the Wire messaging service at fullmarriageequality or via email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com
— — —

Monday, February 12, 2024

When Someone You Love Wants To Love You More

You may have come to this blog because you think or know someone in your family or closely related to you is attracted to you, or has a crush on you, or wants to get romantic or sexual with you. You may have had a mix of reactions to this, whether you've been shocked, surprised, confused, amused, bemused, worried, flattered, aroused, creeped out, repulsed, nervous, or some combination of these. So what do you do when a relative has a crush or very strong attraction to you?


These Feelings Are Normal and More Common Than You Think

These feelings are not so rare. There’s not necessarily any reason to get them to a mental health professional because they have these feelings. They are especially common when you were not raised by one another or with each other, but even if you were raised together or by one another, it's not unheard of.


These Feelings Aren't Wrong


Their feelings are their own. It is OK for them to have their feelings, and they certainly aren't alone in having such feelings.

And your feelings are your own.


Their feelings do not require you to act one way or another, but doing nothing at all is probably the worst way to react.

If you're feeling the same as they are, or want to seriously consider adding this bond to your relationship, you might be better off going to this entry here.

But if you're somewhat unsure, ambivalent, wavering, or all the way over to the side of being fairly certain you want no part of such a situation, the rest of his entry is for you.



Initial Reaction


Unless you've been hoping for this moment, you should probably take some time to think it over, even if your initial internal reaction was "No!" If you've already reacted negatively to them, there's still a chance to smooth things over.


Are You Sure It is How They Feel?


As we like to say around here, thinking and knowing are two different things.

It’s pretty clear how they feel if they explicitly say that they want to get it on, or they made an unmistakable physical pass at you, or you’ve overheard them masturbating and saying your name, or you’ve discovered that they keep images of you that are sexy or explicit or are very suggestive, or the history/files on their smart phone, tablet, or computer reveals they’ve been thinking about how to get with you.

If you've got a vagina and you find that your underwear (especially used) keeps getting moved or disappears and reappears in their room, that’s a pretty strong signal on their part; there is only doubt if they are the same size as you, in which case there is a small chance they wanted to wear it (washed). If you find that your underwear/lingerie or toys keep getting moved or used, that’s a strong indicator. It is also something I advise against people doing, just FYI.

If they've left this very essay for you to find, then it should be clear.

If you have such clarity, You can skip down to the next section.

But if it hasn’t been that clear, there's a chance they're not making a play or inviting you to. They may not even want to act even if they do have feelings for you in that way.


If you only think they might be interested, it could be a misunderstanding or maybe you are misreading them (or even projecting your own latent feelings).

Flirting or behaviors that would look like flirting to the average observer ignorant of your relation might be an indication, but those things aren't definitive if not explicit or blunt.

Maybe you've found out that they like (or even create) porn or erotica with incestuous themes. This does not necessarily mean they are attracted to you and want to have sex with you and are hoping to have sex with you. It's a very popular genre. Some people enjoy such material or even have a fetish for it without actually wanting to be with their own family members. Porn is usually very different from reality, after all. On the other hand, it can be a sign of interest.

Hints, clues, or signs likely to indicate they're interested:

  • They look for reasons to be around you, especially alone, without an apparent agenda. 
  • They suggest or arrange for you two to do things that romantic couples might do, even if it they try to make it seem like an accident (such as getting the two of you in a hotel room with just one bed). 
  • They have increased physical contact with you. 
  • You catch them staring at you or giving you lingering looks. 
  • They’ve started or increased discussions about sex with you, especially consanguineous sex and relationships, and especially if it involves “joking” about consanguinamory or something happening between the two of you. 
  • They express jealousy or envy towards your (potential) dates or lovers. 
  • The people they date or find most attractive have similarities to you in appearance, age, mannerisms, etc. They may even (try to) date your friends. 
  • They’ve “accidentally,” or have had excuses to, come in to where you are changing clothes or showering/bathing or have tried to call you in when they are changing clothes or showering/bathing when it hasn’t been typical for you to be in those circumstances together. 
  • They are dressing up more impressively than usual or in more revealing clothing around you for no apparent reason.
  • They’ve started to invite you to tell them how they look or if something they’re wearing is appropriate. 
  • They mention having a sexual dream that included you. Even if they play it off as funny or strange, they could be trying to see how you react.
None of these by themselves mean it is certain they are sexually attracted to you, but the more that you recognize them doing, the more likely they are.

If you're still unsure and you don't want to come right out and ask them because it could be embarrassing, you can give them a chance to speak plainly about their feelings for you by talking about the subject in general. If you talk about it in a way that indicates to them that it is safe for them to talk with you about it and they can tell you anything, then they’ll reveal if they do feel that way for you. Some ways of doing this would be to say that you had a dream that included them, or that you’d consider it flattering if someone in the family thought you were attractive. You can say things like, "Is there anything on your mind you're not telling me? You can tell me anything, and I mean anything." Or something like, "You know, I've been thinking about how rare it can be for people to find a very strong, special connection to each other, and it is shame that some people think there is anything wrong with consenting adults loving each other in any way they want." There are many things you could say that will give them the confidence to be vulnerable with you.


You're Positive They Want to Jump Your Bones

No matter what your feelings are, you need to make it clear what boundaries, if any, you need to be in place.

Again, if you think you want to go for it, whether you’ve been hoping they feel that way or you’re curious or want to explore or experiment, go ahead and see this.

If you need limits on what is going to happen, when, where, etc., then you need to discuss that with them, as you should for any romantic or sexual relationship you’d have with anyone. Maybe your limits include cuddling, maybe kissing, maybe simply being naked around each other, maybe masturbating in front of each other, or touching each other or various forms of sexual contact. Maybe you want to move more slowly than you have with others (although many people in these situations end up moving faster than they have with others, and often regret that they didn’t get together sooner.)

If you think there is no way you'd want to get any more physically affectionate or romantic than you already do with them, do you know why? Consider if you’re internalizing a senseless prejudice against something that could be very enjoyable for both or all of you and bring you closer together. It might be a good idea to tell the other person you need some time to think about things. Sometimes, people who are initially shocked or have a negative reaction, after thinking it over, realize they have a mutual interest. The thought that they want you might have caught you off-guard or shocked you. Take some time of think about it. This is someone who loves you and knows you. It had to take some courage on their part to be vulnerable with you if they volunteered to you how they feel.

While there is no good reason to have laws or taboos against such relationships, you may have a reason to not have such a relationship, at least with this person. After all, each person needs to decide for themselves that they’re going to do and with whom when it comes to physical contact and romantic activities.

If you're not going to further or continue sexual or romantic affection, it would be best to let them down easy, and you probably want to let them down easy, unless they’ve been coercive in their approach. Who likes to be rejected?

Some things you might want to say, depending on the situation:

  • You’re flattered 
  • You love them
  • You’re not upset with them 
  • You just can’t go there because your feelings for them, while loving and pleasant, are entirely non-romantic and/or non-sexual 
  • You’re not open to a romantic or sexual relationship anyone right now (or anymore) 
  • You’re committed to someone else/others and do not want to jeopardize that 
  • You just can’t take the possible risks
Even if you already reacted in a way that wasn’t exactly letting them down easy, you can go back to them and tell them that you’re flattered, you’re sorry you reacted that way, but you were caught off guard, then tell them one or more of the statements above.

If you take the route of not “going there,” be sure to be mindful of what you’re doing around them because you do not want to tease them or give them false hope. It is tough enough for them to deal with the rejection; don’t add to the difficulty.

Also, they may be consanguinamorous as their orientation, and even if they aren't they might pursue a consanguinamorous relationship with someone else. Here's how to be an ally.

If you'd like to contact me to discuss these matters further, you can write me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

(Disclaimer: This entry assumes you live, or would move to, someplace where affection would not be a criminal matter.)



How To Pull Off Living With Your Consanguineous Lover


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