Sunday, May 30, 2021

An Affair You’ll Remember

This blog is here to advocate for the rights of all consenting adults to be together how they mutually agree. Included in that is supporting ethical or consensual or disclosed nonmonogamy. Unfortunately, because of lingering laws and prejudices about consanguinamory, many people can't be open about their attractions and experiences; cheating, which we do not advocate, can happen in such a negative environment as people do not feel free to discuss things openly and honestly with their partners, or anyone else for that matter. Again, we don't advocate cheating, but we recognize that some consanguineous sex does happen in the context of cheating. Still, there are things we can learn about relationships in general and consanguineous relationships especially by interviewing people who have had such experiences.

The man interviewed below is married to a woman and having a longtime secret affair with his mother.

In much of the world, including all but a couple of US states, both the son and mother could be criminally prosecuted for this, not for the cheating, but for having sex with each other.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what this man has to say. You may think his relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic; you might find the cheating to be unacceptable. But whatever your reaction, should this be a crime? If their spouses were agreeable, shouldn't they be able to be open about their relationship and even marry? Also, notice that aspects of the relationship are common to consanguineous relationships that don't involve cheating, too. We don't condone cheating, but even a relationship that involves cheating can help give an understanding of the dynamic of consanguineous relationships, as this is happening everywhere.

WARNINGS: Some explicit sexuality and cheating.


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe your background. 

Jay: I am a successful business professional with a global role in an IT company. I live in a big city. I'm a white heterosexual male, grew up in a conservative, upper middle-class family with my biological parents, who are still married, and have two younger brothers. We were all well-bought-up, and we all went to graduate school. As a family, we always enjoyed art, books, trips to the mountains, and a yearly trip to the Florida beach. I am happily married, 16 years now, with one second-grader. 

FME: Are you generally monogamous, polyamorous or....?

With this one exception we have always been completely monogamous. Our relationship warrants making the exception, in our mind.

FME: You are in a sexual/romantic relationship with your biological mother?


FME: What was your childhood like? What was family life like? Did your biological mother raise you? Were alternative lifestyles/sex discussed in your family, and if so, how? Can you describe your sexual awakening?

It was a very happy childhood in a very functional traditional American family. Both my parents are now-retired professionals with successful careers. They are both my biological parents and they raised me with lots of love and discipline. Alternative lifestyles were never discussed for good or bad, but an adequate sexual education was imparted mostly by my father in a very thorough way.

My sexual awakening started by furtively browsing through my dad’s Playboy magazines. Even watching The Love Boat was an awakening to the appeal of beautiful girls. Once I found a VHS of “Taboo,” the movie. Hence, I knew my mother was at least aware of a mother/son relationship. My first experience was with a cleaning lady from Poland who stopped by the house twice a week. I was 16  at the time and she must have been 17 or 18. No one ever found out. And then of course, high school, college... parties, hookups, girlfriends.

FME: Please describe your mother.

She has always been a head-turner, gorgeous, attractive woman with an incredible figure of 38-26-43. Red head, green eyes, beautifully full lips, immaculate smile, 5’10”, well-endowed. By today’s standard her hourglass shape and exuberant hips, meaty legs and bubble butt would be considered voluptuous but would’ve been perfectly adequate in the 1960s or 1970s. Freckles all over her chest and shoulders. Everyone who knows who Barbi Benton is says she has a strong resemblance, only with red hair and prettier olive green eyes. She is 66 years old now, but looks 10-15 years younger, all natural, no surgeries. She has kept her hair a gorgeous red. Very witty, smart, at times demanding, a bit sensitive on occasion, and funny. She is a well-read and educated professional former clinician, pianist, and teacher, with good manners and class. Beautiful from head to toe, literally. Former smoker, but quit ten years ago, thankfully. She doesn’t drink except for red wine in moderation, and doesn’t use drugs. She does yoga, Pilates, and plays tennis.

Some of the things I’ve discovered: Now I also know her sex drive is off the charts, she is very sex-positive, fairly open-minded, and knows what she is doing. Her body may not be as firm as it used to be despite the fact she works out, but no one would know without touching it or seeing it having sex. She is also very open about talking about her likes and dislikes, and very vocal and intense during orgasms, which ties into her passionate personality. I also found out that she gushes uncontrollably during orgasms. 

FME: How did sexual affection become a part of the relationship? Was it a sudden event or a gradual process? Did you know ahead of time it was going to turn sexual or was it more spontaneous? Is it clear who made the first move? When did you notice an attraction?

For many years, ever since I was in high school, I have been attracted to my mother. Her beauty is indisputable and hard to ignore. She has a beautiful face, and has a gorgeous body, which has caught men’s eyes ever since I remember. I always admired her body in a bikini during family vacations, it drove me crazy, and accidentally saw her naked twice through her bedroom window. But I never had the courage to act on it or talk to her about it. I did come close a couple times when I sensed a certain spark, vibe, an energy hard to explain... but lost the nerve. Little did I know she had felt the same way about me, not for as long as that, but since I was in college. She has always complimented me and said I’m very handsome. All my life. She has always been a hugger, and a cheek kisser, so that kind of physical contact has always been a staple. I had noticed it happened much more with me than with my brothers, who are very reserved. She has always gotten a kick out of my humor, and a few times, she hugged me from behind pressing her breasts firmly against my back. Years ago as she kissed me in the cheek our lips touched and she looked at me seductively and smiled, but nothing too obvious.

But... It really all started four years ago. It was a sudden event, but also a gradual process for both of us, as our talks revealed. My mother was visiting right after Mother’s Day, on her own, shortly after I had moved my family to a new city. She’s a terrific grandmother to my kid. It’s a tradition of ours since I was in college to go for a morning walk just me and her, and the new city made it even more appealing. On the second or third day, after our morning walk, we talked about going out the next day, a Saturday, mother and son only, to have dinner for a belated Mother’s Day celebration. Coincidentally, my  wife also suggested it, and strongly encouraged it, as she had a play date of her own with other moms and kids.

The next morning mom and I went out for a walk, we always do when we visit each other, this time cut short as my mother immediately suggested that we stop for coffee. We sat al fresco on a couch by a fire pit, in a nice private nook in an artsy coffee shop. She looked beautiful and a little overdressed for a walk. She smiled a lot that morning. She told me she had to something very important and personal to share. Something extremely private and intimate. I got worried and listened. After a long long preamble, during which she became visibly nervous (her voice started to crack), she was hesitant, and asked to put my hand on her chest/cleavage to feel her heart beating furiously, and asked me to be kind and patient while she looked for the right words. Many times she mentioned it was driving her crazy and had to get her off her chest. She finally started by telling me that as a mother she couldn’t help but to feel extremely proud. But as a woman, she continued, she had to make a confession: she couldn’t help but to have “a strong crush on me”, she laughed briefly at how she worded it, and then nervously, she said a more accurate way to state it was: she is “madly in love with me: as a man”. Madly in love, she repeated. I listened without saying a word. But I smiled. She apologetically repeated for the umpteenth time it has been driving her crazy for years, but increasingly more so lately, and had to get her off her chest. She said the attraction was romantic, but after another long preamble she admitted it also included sexual fantasies.

My heart skipped a beat and butterflies hijacked my stomach and rendered me speechless, but I held her hand, then put it on her shoulder. I managed to ask if she had considered what to do about it. She mentioned that in her mind, and her daydreams, she envisioned a window that could be opened or closed. Closed when it was time to be mother and son. Open when the conditions were right to have complete privacy and be lovers. And that both roles could coexist in harmony. At that point she was having difficulty moving along, as if she wanted me to say something, and started feeling regretful, thinking she had screwed something up; so I finally broke my silence and told her it was all mutual, that I felt the same way for her, proud and grateful as a son, and madly in love, and overwhelmingly sexually and romantically attracted to her as a man.

She smiled with her gorgeous green eyes but not with her lips: her eyes got welled up, but lit up, I got worried, as we maintained eye contact for about a minute, communicating only with our eyes, until she showed that perfectly pristine smile of hers. Tears of joy she explained. I asked if she ever thought it through, what would it be like for her to act on it, make it a reality, and would she ever feel any guilt?

She said she had thought things through, every day for years. Including being intimate. She said she was way past the shame and guilt phase she initially had years ago. And that she wanted it with all her heart, but in complete privacy, as our very own heavily guarded secret, without it interfering in any way with our respective and joint family lives and marriages.

I explained I was in a very similar place. We were holding hands, nothing that could be interpreted as romantic.

She suggested that we get up and continue our walk. We talked about the importance of privacy. We both expressed relief and joy about knowing our feelings. Down by a park overlooking the river we hugged, tightly, as we always had, but much longer than usual, I smelled her hair. This time our lower bodies were tight against each other, she could feel me, we pulled our heads back and looked into each other’s eyes intently, she smiled sweetly, she kissed me in the cheek. I guess I couldn’t hide my disappointment. She saw my quizzical look, kissed me again in the cheek, but then moved over to my lips and gave me a soft tender peck and pulled away. I held her hand and pulled her gently close to me.

She asked me to feel her heart pounding off her chest again. She took a deep breath and walked toward a more secluded area, with more trees. I followed. She turned to look at me and pulled me by the hands. We looked into each other eyes and finally kissed. It just happened. I can still taste the hints of our coffee. Before we even knew it... It developed into a long deep kiss, unstoppable, I lost track of time... we were visibly aroused and overwhelmed with desire, both of us, snug up against each other. All alone there, not a soul around. On the way back home we talked about what just happened...that kiss, how it felt so right, and all these intense emotions that were felt at once. She asked many times if I was sure I was okay with it, and if I was sure I wanted to move things forward.

I said yes. She asked if we could go somewhere where we could have complete privacy that afternoon and skip Mother’s Day dinner altogether. We already had the plan to go out, after all... I made a hotel reservation on my smartphone app as fast as I could. Back home, we felt like we had to almost go to separate parts of the house and avoided any contact. So weird. We watched our body language. It was so new, we were giddy, nervous, excited, and extra careful.

After my wife and kid had left to go out to the suburbs on their play date, later on that day, my mother decked herself out. She looked gorgeous. We both complimented each other and made a comment about our special date with such a beautiful woman/handsome man respectively, but we were both strangely coy before leaving the house, although we were alone. No risks were taken. We walked to the hotel, which is only a few blocks down. I walked in first, just to be safe. Checked in and I texted her the room number. She waited five minutes before riding the elevator. It felt so much longer: in the room, I thought she was having second thoughts and backing out. Not so. The soft, almost shy, knock on the door made my heart jump. I opened the door. My beautiful mother, 62, tall and classy, well-endowed and gorgeous to no end, smiled, eyes welled up, and walked in. Tears of joy, she explained again.

As the door closed behind her, we knew there was no turning back: it was going to happen. I’ll never forget her perfect smile, and seductive look, as the door closed, and as her elbows landed on my shoulders. We kissed, long and deep, we touched each other intimately, as lovers, for the first time. Don’t worry I won’t be explicit: We took each other’s clothes off slowly. We enjoyed each other without a hurry, but visibly and overwhelmingly aroused, we took our sweet time. We both were thorough exploring each other before making love for the first time. The way our eyes locked at that very moment. It was the most amazing experience, impossible to put in words. A deep state of love and complete trust, ease, admiration, abandon, joy, and overwhelming desire.

Fireworks! She said it was the most intense feeling she had ever had during and after. It showed throughout. As we made love we couldn’t stop kissing. We couldn’t stop kissing when we finished. We made love three more times before it got late. It was time to go. We made sure we looked just like when we left the house. Back home we said “hi” and shortly after went to our separate rooms.

During that trip we didn’t have an opportunity to be intimate again. But we discussed some ground rules and made promises during a morning walk the next day. She flew back that evening. 

As fate would have it, a few months later, my wife and kid were out of town visiting my in-laws. I stayed home because I had work meetings. My mother flew in three days before my wife and kid came back home. This was portrayed as a scheduling mixup. Even though we were alone, I was leery about our neighbors, who by this time knew us. We spent those three magical days and two nights in a hotel room, going home a couple times a day to eat, sleeping in each other’s arms as a couple. We could barely sleep as we were both so turned on to fall in deep sleep. We made love in the middle of the night. Many times to count in the course of three days. I mentioned these crucial days/nights because not only were they incredibly intense and romantic, but because it gave us time to talk things through, and solidify our relationship, in a very intimate manner.

After that, every time we visit each other’s towns, we find a way to check into a nearby hotel and make love in complete privacy, always being extra careful, and it only gets more intense and wonderful every time. Sometimes it’s quick, with the right excuse we take more time. With the Covid lockdowns, it’s been a year since we last saw each other in person. We haven’t had but four opportunities to speak via video chat as lovers. But as mother and son, we video chat weekly and communicate daily via text, without “opening the window”. We delete whatever we happen to share or discuss, always without being too explicit. We are very much looking forward to our next time together and “opening that window” again... We both want it so bad. My mother and I are very much, and increasingly, in love, yes... we both know it, but our familial mother/son relationship has improved also.

FME: Can you describe your feelings during that process and/or event or those processes and events? How about “the day after”? How did that go? How were you feeling?

As my mother was “laying the ground” and testing the waters before her confession, I was becoming uneasy. I thought it would be something really bad. I became impatient with her long preamble. When she uttered the words “as a woman, I can’t help but to have a huge crush on you” and then “well, I am am madly in love with you, speaking as a woman”, my heart jumped and I got nervously excited. The excitement grew as I became determined to steer in the right direction from that point on. I just never thought it would be hours later, I didn’t think we would even kiss minutes later. I wanted to, but I thought it would be a process. As we continued talking, I was happy to learn she had thought it through for years and came to the conclusion that she really wanted it. Our first kiss drove an electric current up my spine, and I had never felt more in love.

The anticipation of our outing later that day made me shiver, made me a bit eagerly jittery, and my heart was beating like crazy. I am a very cool under pressure guy, but this was stronger than me. The thought literally took my breath away. When we left the house and started walking to the nice nearby boutique hotel, we were both nervous and excited. We walked without even touching each other, feeling coy. A little jittery. One thing I remember is I was a bit scared of being disappointed: I don’t know, difficulty lubricating, excessive flabbiness that clothes may conceal, any unwanted vaginal odor. Thankfully I was not only far from being disappointed but very pleasantly surprised and smitten. Working out and using dozens of beauty products, face sprays, and an ice pack donut she puts around her boobs (I always tease her for that), it pays off. After closing the door, she put her elbows on my shoulders and we kissed deeply. She asked “Are you ready to give all your love to me?”. As I unfastened her bra, she whispered “There’s no turning back, my love, is there?” My fear of disappointment disappeared before the garment even came off. Yet, as I said, I ended up being pleasantly surprised and falling deeper in love. And one more thing rocked my world like nothing else: when I first explored her with my fingers, her panties were soaked, and the whole area was incredibly wet. “Being with you gets me that way”, she said. After we made love she mentioned the song “Breathe” by Faith Hill, which she felt described our experience. It was an amazingly romantic moment.

The day after I woke up feeling like the luckiest man in the world. She switched to a regular mother son relationship over breakfast with my wife and son, and we both felt relieved we could pull it off, without awkwardness or regret. Other than a wink, nothing was conveyed.

FME: Before this had you ever thought this would be possible or enjoyable; did you have any opinion one way or the other about close relatives or family members being together? Do you, or have you had feelings like this for any other close family members whether they are genetic relatives or not?

These type of thoughts have only ever happened with my mother. It started around high school. Quite frankly, I think it has more to do with her undeniable beauty, which I inevitably noticed. I am sure her looks, her personality and intellect, more than our kinship, were the gateway to my attraction and subsequently, secretly, falling in love with her. I never thought my fantasies would come true. I had given up on the idea as we got older. Although, after it happened, we both connected the dots on a few things that seemed vague when they occurred. Such as me staring at her wearing a bikini. Long tight hugs. Her asking me if her butt looked too big before a social function. Asking me if it was “too much cleavage” during my brother’s wedding. An accidental kiss close to the lips. Her calling me handsome and commenting on how lucky my current girlfriend was countless times. Me, getting caught a few times times staring at her boobs, or drooling over her yoga pants. She fairly recently found a picture of herself wearing a bikini in one of my books from college while doing a spring clean. Subtle clues that gave us both a hunch, and pushed her to take the leap of faith.

My opinion on consanguinamorous relationships has always been of approval. As long as it is between two consenting adults, playing with a full deck of cards.

FME: How do you describe the sex/lovemaking now? Taboo? Natural? Especially erotic? Some people say familial eroticism is inherently kinky, but I have found that for many it doesn't feel kinky. What about for you?

It’s incredibly powerful, erotic, intense, and natural. Familial eroticism is inherently kinky, for us. We both agree wholeheartedly it’s be best sex we’ve ever had, by a long shot, and better every time as we know each other better and what drives each other crazy.

Foreplay is amazingly erotic. We make out long and deep. She likes me to touch and kiss every square inch of her body - anal practices are banned, which we both agree on. During our first time, it was particularly erotic how she asked me to explore her entire body, with both my hands and lips, something that’s always part of foreplay now if time allows. Seeing her naked breasts for the first time and have them pressed up firmly against my chest was unbelievable and thrilling. Pulling down her panties and revealing her perfect dark triangle against her milky skin made my heart jump and butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

We enjoy going down on each other, kiss deeply, touch each other, and I always wait for her to ask me to make love to her. I love her taste.

Our first time it was incredibly thrilling and erotic, as her thighs were pressed up against my ears, I could still her say “Oh my love, make me yours, I wanna make love to you”, she pushed me up, sat me on a couch next to the bed and got on top of me one leg at a time, shaking a little. I will never forget her fleeting smile as she raised the first leg, followed by her biting her lip and she slid down on me, she felt as moist and warm as I have ever felt, her face seemed mortified for a second, I thought she would cry, before finally lighting up and smiling again, shyly. Our eyes were then locked into each other’s, and within seconds she had an intense orgasm, shaking uncontrollably, within seconds of me being inside her. The first one of many that one time, in that position. We made love three more times that time, each time she seemed to enjoy it more. It was that first time we entered into a very special unspoken agreement of only making love in positions that allow us to kiss and see each other’s face. She is an avid kisser but claims she had never been before. “Being with you makes me want to kiss you like crazy and give you all my love”, she once mentioned.

Our first time she didn’t go down on me. She says she felt strangely awkward about it and didn’t have the nerve. But she did it for the first time when we spent three days together, our second time.

FME: Is this a romantic affair or more like family-with-benefits, or something else? How long have you been doing this? Do you see each other as mother and son, or lovers, or are those two roles inseparable at this point?

It is definitely a romantic affair but you can also say it’s a family-with-benefits relationship. It started in May 2017. I would say our relationship toggles seamlessly between mother and son, and lovers. They are somewhat inseparable in our minds but we have to make it separable, which is one of the ground rules. We use the analogy of “open or closed window” to describe were the toggle is. It adds to, doesn’t take away from, the relationship. And it has added a third dimension which is like we’re best friends.

FME: Do you ever literally sleep together?

Only the one time during a time she visited my house while my wife and kid were visiting my in-laws. Our second time together: It was two nights of actually sleeping together, but sleep was fragmented with such an energy rush, lovemaking, making out endlessly and lots of oral sex. But there was some sleep at different points.

FME: Does anyone in your life know the full, true nature of your relationship? What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

Absolutely no one. We use private email to communicate in that capacity. She is not into phone sex or sexting. So if something of that nature needs to be discussed, and it has always been in a positive light, romantic talk, expressing our being in love, what we like about each other, in other words, man and woman talk without actual phone sex, we wait until we are both completely alone. We watch our body language in public.

FME: Having to hide the full nature of your relationship from some people can be a disadvantage. Can you describe how that has been? Are there any other disadvantages? Conversely, do you think consanguineous relationships have some advantages and some things better than unrelated lovers?

We see it as a necessary evil. We have never expressed a desire of it being any other way. The disadvantage is that we miss each other a lot. Being secretive in an otherwise very open extended family is a small price to pay.

The feeling of double love and complete trust when we are together is an amazing advantage over unrelated lovers. I think it occupies an entire different lane and a completely different spot in the heart and mind.

FME: Has having sex with her improved your relationship as mother and son, and if so, how? Or has it essentially ended it and made this a hookup situation?

It has improved by a lot. We know each other better and don’t feel like we are walking around egg shells any longer or read tones. Before this, the relationship was turning a bit argumentative and we were having constant heated debates. Now the debates are with full clarity and understanding of who we are deep inside. Our intellectual talk has become a staple. She even joked about starting an intellectual podcast to discuss psychology and business. It is not a mere hookup situation, because we still have a multidimensional, rich relationship, and motivate each other to be better every day.

FME: Are you conflicted at all about this being a secret from your wife? How would you react if, for example, you found out your wife was secretly with another man? Or if she came to you And said she’s wanted to have your agreement to her taking a new lover?

Yes, I am. That’s the one conflict I have. Especially since my wife is a big fan of my mother. It’s an aspirational relationship. And my mother loves and respects my wife and loves to see me as a family man. That’s when the “window” analogy comes it, as our roles toggle back and forth. My mother wouldn’t want me to abdicate responsibility. She has been bold about that point.

I am not a jealous person. If I found out she is secretly seeing a man, or she came to me for an agreement, more than jealousy, curiosity would kick in and I would like to know what I need to improve upon and what’s lacking. If I can fix it I would.

FME: Do you think your wife is somehow benefitting from this? Or do you think it deprives or hurts her in some way? Or has no effect? Do you think your father is benefitting from this, or suffering from it, or it hasn’t had much effect on him?

I think strangely enough, without knowing how or why, both my wife and my father are benefiting from this, as both my mother and I are happier, more patient and understanding  people. The positivity has overflowed into other aspects of our lives, including our spouses. My father is no longer active sexually due to pulmonary trouble and obesity.

FME: Have you ever had another affair during your marriage, or do you think the only reason you are is because this is your mother?

Never before in any way. Neither my mom nor I have. We get hit on all the time in our regular lives but had never strayed. This is a special circumstance that in our minds warrants the exception.

FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship because you are mother and son, or disapprove of any mother and son having this kind of relationship, even if not a cheating affair? What's your reply to those who would say that this is one of you preying on the others (and that you can’t truly consent)?

People should live and let live. As long as it is between two consenting adults - not only that: with the maturity of taking that on - it’s none of their business.

FME: If you two had no spouses and could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you? Or is this a different kind of relationship than that?

If we were completely alone in the world we definitely would, I believe. At least I would. But we have never discussed it.

FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member, especially a mother or son?

It really depends on each circumstance. But someone in a similar situation as mine, I would say, it is worth it. Don’t deny yourself the bliss and the pleasure.

FME: What advice do you have for family members and friends who think or know that relatives they know are having these feelings for each other?

Stay out of it. It’s their decision. Become an ally and show empathy. Respect their right to privacy and don’t engage in gossip.

FME: Is your marriage satisfying or generally positive? Do you consider yourself consanguinamorous in orientation, or could you be/have you been fulfilled in a relationship with someone who isn’t a close relative, such as your wife?

It is very satisfying and generally positive. It lacks nothing. But my consanguinamorous side cannot be fulfilled there. In fact, I don’t feel attracted, never have, to any other relative. I think my mother is the one exception. And it’s my mother, that specific woman, not just the fact that she is my mother.

FME: Any plans for the future?

We plan to continue to open the window when possible, but we also agreed to respect each other’s right to end it. There are absolutely no plans of ending it. Next week we will see each other for the first time since February 2020. My father will be out of town, she wants to be respectful of her bedroom, but the upstairs guest bedroom is private and safe, with a queen size bed and a giant bean bag.


Morality aside, one of the problems with cheating is that being discovered by your partner(s) can be disastrous, and when your relationship is still criminalized where you are, an angry, scorned partner might involve law enforcement. If you want to live out a polyamorous life, this might help.

One thing this interview makes clear is that just because someone appears to be (or actually is) in a happy "regular" relationship, even a longtime marriage, doesn't mean they don't have sex with a close relative. It is happening everywhere. It is happening somewhere not too far from where you are right now.

In general, there's no good reason to criminalize or discriminate against consanguinamorous relationships, and removing unjust laws and stigmas will reduce cheating. 
We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a consanguineous and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.
If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.

If you know someone who is in a relationship like this, please read this.

Thank you to
 Jay for doing this interview! We hope that your consanguinamorous
intergenerational relationship doesn't end up hurting your wife, father, or child, who are the innocent bystanders. We wish things were different so that there was no cheating involved and everyone who wants to be together could be so without hiding, but that's not where we are yet and that's not how things were done, but we can still learn from what has happened.
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Saturday, May 29, 2021

Monday is Memorial Day in the US

Monday, May 31 is a day that fallen military personnel are honored and remembered.

Some of our fallen were LGBTQ, some were polyamorous. Some were consanguinamorous. Until somewhat recently, none of them could be open about who they were or who they loved without dire consequences; only some of our LGBTQ military personnel have been able to come out thanks to the end of DADT and the implementation of some protections. Polyamorous and consanguinamorous people still have to hide and are denied their rights.

Yet along with the rest of their military brothers and sisters, they fought and struggled and suffered.

So please let freedom ring.

Someone should be able to serve no matter their gender identity, sexual orientation or their relationships with consenting adults. And they should be able to have their marriages legalized, and certainly not be punished for their relationships.
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Thursday, May 27, 2021

Myth: Sex in GSA Relationships Always Means Someone is Being Abused

Reality: It is possible for someone experiencing Genetic Sexual Attraction to abuse or be abused, to be sure, just like with any other relationship between adults.

If consenting adults experiencing GSA have sex, that is not abuse.

The claim that one can’t consent to sex with another is an unsupported assertion based on personal aversion, a personal history of abuse, ignorance, or even the absurd notion that females don’t want or enjoy sex. If an 18-year-old woman can legally consent to group sex with three male cage fighters who are strangers to her, or consent to be the mistress of a billionaire with a spouse and children, the President of the United States, or a someone who rented a room in her childhood home and was present for her entire childhood, how can we be consistent in saying that she can't consent to sex with her half-brother or sister or genetic parent she met as an adult?

In some reunion GSA situations, the consenting adults had sex before knowing of their genetic relation. How could that be abuse?

Abuse and sex are two different things.

Not all consensual relationships are good, but GSA does not necessarily make a relationship bad or abusive. Many people in these situations willingly make love or have sex.

See Myth: GSA is an Excuse for Pedophilia 

See Myth: Only Someone Who Was Abused or Neglected Experiences GSA
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Saturday, May 22, 2021

When a Partner's Past Bothers You

In the Relationship Advice Reddit, a posting received a huge response both on Reddit and on Twitter. It was titled "I (28M) found out that my gf (25F) once had a threesome with her sister (22F) and it creeps me out"
I have been dating a girl I'll call Jess for just over a year now. From the beginning I thought she was a great girl and we really clicked, so generally things have been going great between us.
Sounds good, right?
Well we were drinking quite a bit that night and at one point Anne brought up a sexual encounter she recently had. While I'm not a prude, I didn't really feel comfortable talking about sex with my gf's sister so I gently tried to tell them to take the conversation back to PG territory. 
At that point Anne kinda laughed and said it's not like talking about sex is a big deal between them given all they've been through. I thought she just meant that they were sisters, but Jess had a weird look on her face, so I asked her what she meant. After some prodding they basically admitted that three years ago when Jess was still in college she brought home a guy one time when Anne was visiting her and they basically had an unplanned drunk threesome. My reaction was just wtf. Both Jess and Anne seem like normal, maybe even slightly conservative girls, so the idea that they would do this was just bats--- to me. I asked them if they regretted it, but basically they said that even though it was a mistake, they didn't necessarily feel bad about it. 
The booze was hitting us pretty badly at that point and we called it a night soon after that. We didn't mention it again until Anne left a day later, but then I had another conversation with Jess. I told her that what her sister told me made me very uncomfortable. Her response was to get defensive and say it's not like she can change anything so what's the point of dwelling on it. She said she obviously wouldn't do something like that ever again. 
The problem is somehow the situation really bothers me. I know it sounds like a fantasy to some people, but I find it quite the opposite. I don't really know how to explain it, I suppose they did nothing wrong per se, but the idea very much weirds me out. It's even weird to think about being around Anne again knowing that they have this kind of history.
I'm on Reddit. So I wrote...

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Friday, May 21, 2021

Myth: GSA is an Excuse for Pedophilia

Reality: Since Genetic Sexual Attraction involves people who are post-pubescent, by definition it doesn't involve pedophilia.

GSA can be experienced by and towards post-pubescent minors (for example, 17-years-old where the age of consent is 18) and as such, it is possible that acting sexually in such situations breaks age of consent laws.

Reunion GSA can be experienced by anyone who is post-pubescent towards someone else who is post-pubescent, provided the sexual orientations and genders align (for example, a strictly gay man will not experience GSA for his sister) and the necessary conditions exist (close genetic relation, negligible presence from age seven into puberty). As such, middle-aged half-siblings who are reunited may experience it. A genetic parent may experience it for their genetic child, but a 45-year-old being attracted to 25-year-old isn't pedophilia.

GSA does not provide an excuse to abuse children. There is no excuse to abuse children.

See Myth: GSA Doesn't Exist or is Very Rare

See Myth: Sex in GSA Relationships Always Means Someone is Being Abused

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Monday, May 17, 2021

International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia

May 17 is the International Day Against Homophobia, Transphobia and Biphobia.

Regardless of someone's sex or gender identity, regardless of their sexual orientation, an adult should be free to be themselves, to be in public, to work, to be "single," or to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, harassment, discrimination, or any other negative effects of homophobia, transphobia, biphobia, etc.

Let's stand up to hate, bigotry, prejudice, discrimination, bullying, and unjust laws. Let's protect people from being abused by those who would perpetuate hate.

Progress is often difficult and achieved through much struggle. Sometimes it can seem like there have been setbacks. But overall, progress is being made. Let's keep the momentum going!
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Saturday, May 15, 2021

GSA and Stepping Out

Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) can prompt cheating in relationships that otherwise would never have cheating. So if you’re reading this because you’ve cheated on a partner with your GSA contact, or because your partner may have cheated on you with their GSA contact, please keep that in mind. (You also might want to read this entry as well if you think you're being cheated on or are about to be.)

This blog endorses ethical or consensual/disclosed nonmonogamy as no less valid and respectful than monogamy. Your blogger is polyamorous himself, but supports the rights of adults regardless of his own personal orientation and interests, including people who want monogamy.

This blog does not endorse cheating on a sexual, romantic, or spousal partner (which can happen in monogamous or polyamorous relationships), but also doesn’t endorse criminal punishment for cheating.

I don’t consider cheating to be egregious when it is to get some relief from a spouse or partner who has seriously broken vows or agreements by being abusive, neglectful, etc. Ideally, people would leave relationships in which they are being neglected or rejected, but that isn’t always possible or the best solution for a variety of reasons.

Relationships, especially marriages, can be very complicated. For example, it is easy for outsiders to see a married woman flirting with someone behind her husband’s back, and think less of her for doing so, but what those outsiders don’t see is that her husband barely interacts with her in private and refuses to even touch her and yet he wants her to go without affection and intimacy with others. Not wanting to break up the home of her young children before they are grown, she stays, and seeks comfort with others. Of course this kind of relationship situation happens regardless of genders.

In general, someone who is happy in a healthy relationship and is not deficient in their self-control will not cheat. However, when it comes to Genetic Sexual Attraction, someone who is in a happy relationship or would otherwise never cheat (not with a coworker, not with a neighbor, not with a former partner, not with anyone) may not withstand the dynamics involved, and may cheat as a result. If their relationship was already terminally ill, or experiencing serious problems, then keeping mutual GSA nonsexual is that much less likely.

GSA is usually overwhelming, and bonds formed in its caldera can become especially strong.

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Tuesday, May 11, 2021

Myth: GSA Doesn't Exist or is Very Rare

Reality: We have many situations today in which people are raised apart of close genetic relatives and are later introduced to, or reunited with, those relatives.

They may have been apart due to one or more of them being the result of affairs, flings, one night stands, or egg/sperm/embryo donations, or because of adoption, divorces or breakups, migration, or incarceration.

Social networking, DNA/ancestry testing, and increased mobility bring them together.

In up to 50% of situations in which they are brought (back) together, when they are post-pubescent and the genders and sexual orientations are compatible, at least one person will experience GSA.

If you know of two heterosexual men who’ve met their heterosexual half-sisters, it is likely at least one of those four people has experienced GSA, even if they’ve never said or done anything to reveal that to you.

There are scientific studies that show that most people are attracted to people who look like them. When close genetic relatives are not raised together or by one another, the Westermarck Effect can hardly develop to override this attraction.  

Genetic Sexual Attraction exists and is common to introductions/reunions of close genetic relatives.

See Myth: Genetic Sexual Attraction is Just a Fancy Way of Saying Incest

See Myth: GSA is an Excuse for Pedophilia

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Monday, May 10, 2021

Dear Abby Gets a GSA Letter

Dear Abby recently printed a letter that likely involves Genetic Sexual Attraction. PUT OFF IN NEW JERSEY wrote...

Six months ago, my husband, "Lee," met his long-lost sister, his father's daughter from a previous marriage. Lee's father passed away when he was 6; he is now 30.

Since he and his four siblings met their half-sister, she has become obsessive over him. She calls and keeps him on the phone for hours, three or four times a week. I didn't mind at first, but it has gotten out of control, and she constantly texts him.

If Lee doesn't respond, she texts him asking if he's angry. She expresses how "in love" she is with him and how happy she is to have met him. (She doesn't say these things to the others.)

This definitely sounds like the half-sister is experiencing GSA. But is Lee?

When I recently expressed my concern, he got offended.


How should I cope with this? She also says unflattering things about me to him and tries to turn him against me. I know, because I heard the whole conversation.

Lee has certain obligations to this letter writer, since he made vows to her, or at least some marital agreement. He should be able to communicate with his half-sister, but there have to be some limits. Husband and wife need to negotiate about what's acceptable and what isn't.

Unfortunately for the letter writer, if Lee is also experiencing GSA, it is likely that his connection with his half-sister is going to keep going strong, at least for a while.

This is another example of why consanguinamory needs to be decriminalized and destigmatized and GSA and consanguinamory need to be studied and issues need to be addressed like any other relationship. 

I wish I could talk with this letter writer. (If you or someone you know identifies with this letter writer, her husband Lee, or his half-sister, please do feel free to contact me.) 

Some thinks I'd say to this letter writer:

1) How was your marriage with Lee before this happened?
2) Do you have children together?
3) Do you need both emotional and sexual monogamy in your marriage?
4) Lee might be experiencing something unlike anything else he's felt before. Try to have some grace for him, but don't be a doormat.

If I could talk with Lee, I'd also ask him how his marriage was before all this started. Cheating generally isn't a good way to live, and he has obligations to his wife. So, he needs to figure things out with her. His interactions with his half-sister so far are nothing like carrying out an ongoing, in-person relationship, and even if they are both strongly attracted to each other, they might not actually be compatible. Finally, I'd point out that New Jersey has no laws against half-siblings having sex, but there's still an enormous amount of hate and discrimination directed at such lovers. 

GSA and Stepping Out
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Sunday, May 9, 2021

Mother’s Day

It's Mother's Day, at least around these parts, so Happy Mother's Day to all mothers out there, especially mothers who face discrimination, persecution, and even prosecution for loving one or more other adults, and the mothers who've stood by their children who've faced bigotry for being who they are and loving who they do.

We're making progress. Hang in there and continue to care for your loved ones.

If you have plans for an interesting Mother's Day or end up having an interesting Mother's Day and you think our readers will want to hear about it, do tell! Sons and daughters.... any special plans?

I include those who've "adopted" mother figures, especially if you've done so because your own mother is no longer with us or was not a supportive person. Almost all of us have a mother in our life, even if that mother isn't officially family.

Some mothers have recently been surprised by discovering just how much they are loved. Some have recently been reunited after having to be apart for many months.

So you mothers or the people who admire them: comment below, which you can do anonymously, or you can email fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.
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Thursday, May 6, 2021

Science Again Says Consanguinamory is Natural

Time and time again, we see that science and appeals to nature actually back allowing people to have the relationships to which they mutually agree. Bigots who try to use appeals to nature to interfere with relationship and sexual rights are embarrassed over and over again.

“People assume that animals should avoid mating with a relative when given the chance,” says Raïssa de Boer, researcher in zoology at Stockholm University. “But evolutionary theory has been telling us that animals should tolerate, or even prefer, mating with relatives under a broad range of conditions for more than four decades.”

This isn't so surprising to some. Part of the natural spectrum of sexual diversity includes a consanguinamorous orientation.

The study provides a synthesis of 139 experimental studies in 88 species spanning 40 years of research, settling the longstanding debate between theoretical and empirical expectations about if and when animals should avoid inbreeding.

“We address the ‘elephant in the room’ of inbreeding avoidance studies by overturning the widespread assumption that animals will avoid inbreeding whenever possible,” says Raïssa de Boer.

The study demonstrates that animals rarely attempt to avoid mating with relatives, a finding that was consistent across a wide range of conditions and experimental approaches.

Consensual incest has always been a part of life. That includes humans. Most children born to close relatives are healthy.

“We compared studies that asked if humans avoid inbreeding when presented with pictures of faces that were digitally manipulated to make the faces look either more or less related to studies that used similar approaches in other animals. Just like other animals, it turns out that there is no evidence that humans prefer to avoid inbreeding,” says Raïssa de Boer.

Of course, attraction often involves more than appearance. But along with the information about other animals, this refutes the idea that consanguineous mating is unnatural and naturally repulsive. 

If researchers could study consanguinamory in humans, these findings would be further bolstered. 

There is no good reason to deny consenting adults the relationships to which they mutually agree, including full marriage equality
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Wednesday, May 5, 2021

Myth: Genetic Sexual Attraction is Just a Fancy Way of Saying Incest

Reality: First of all, Genetic Attraction or Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) describes an attraction, not an action, and incest is an action. So GSA is not an synonym for incest.

Not all GSA situations involve sex. However, even when it does involve sex, by definition the people involved in reunion GSA were not raised together or by one another, so were not socialized and bonded as family while growing up.

It might be classified as incest in law and biologically, but it isn’t incestuous socially.

Reunion GSA describes a specific experience that does not involve people who have been socialized as family; sex may or may not be involved.

Consider a hypothetical situation.

See Myth: GSA Doesn't Exist or is Very Rare
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Sunday, May 2, 2021

Be Afraid! Be Very Afraid!

Are you bothered that there are people who are in love even though they are close relatives? Do you think the world is falling apart when you hear about them?

Well, guess what?

RIGHT NOW, and any moment of every day, there are thousands, maybe millions of them in the throes of ecstasy with each other, making love, having sex, embracing, kissing, having orgasms. Maybe even three, four, or more lovers all together! Related!!! And they’re going to keep doing it whether you like it or not.

Yet the planet keeps turning.

Does that bother you?

If it does, you might want to get some help.
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