Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Choose Love Over Prejudice

I have written before about what a great blog Polly has, detailing her life as a polyamorous mom. Recently, she and one her husbands went to court about a restraining order against his mother, Millie, who mistakenly thought the judge would be as bigoted as she is towards polyamory.

Millie really seemed to think that polyamory would make the judge freak out and dismiss the whole case, or something. But the judge didn't bat an eye. And we talked about what a relief it was, and how we all made it without passing out.

For those of you who wonder if the world will end if you have to defend your poly family in court someday - I just walked in that nightmare. And I came out on the other side, vindicated and whole. Our family has the right to be as we are, without being harassed by crazy ladies. For the first time in a year and a half, I can breathe deeply and freely, knowing that we will not be harassed without consequence again.

You can tell from reading her blog what kind of a person, wife, and mother Polly is, and I’m happy for her.

If I had been talking with Millie, I would have told her it doesn’t matter what she thinks of polyamory or Polly. Polly is the mother of her grandchildren, the woman her son loves, and the woman who loves her son. If she wants to keep in contact with her grandchildren, she needs to be kind and respectful towards Polly and Polly’s other husband. It’s too late for Millie now. May others learn from this. You may not be comfortable with the marriages of your children or siblings, for whatever reason. Maybe they have more than one spouse, maybe their spouse is the same sex, maybe the spouse is of a different race, maybe the spouse is a close relative. But you can only make restrictions on your own love life, not the love life of others, and being kind and respectful goes a long way to keeping the peace. What matters is, how does that person or persons treat your loved one?

You may have to choose between your prejudice and your loved ones. Don’t make the wrong choice.
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  1. Polly's blog opened my eyes to all these different issues of marriage equality (I had a very different opinion of polygamy and similar family structures before finding her blog). I'm so glad she got the decision she and her family really deserved. It gives me so much hope!

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