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Monday, November 30, 2020

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #15


“This oppresses women.” Gender equality and the right to be unmarried or to divorce are necessary components of full marriage equality. Anti-equality people often point to polygyny in certain cultures, past and present, where women do not have equal rights. However, this is not proof that polygyny, much less the larger scope of polygamy or polyamory, oppresses women. Women would be oppressed in those cultures with or without polygyny. If a woman wants to marry a man who has other wives rather than another man who is an unmarried man, and the other wives agree, why deny her that choice? If a woman wants to marry two men, or a man and a woman, or two women, she should have that right, too. Some women enjoy polygamy, including polygyny, and they should have the right to consent to the marriage of their choosing.

The law does not prevent a man from having relationships with, and children with, multiple women, but he can't legally marry all of them even if they all agree. The law does not prevent a woman from having relationships with, and children with, multiple men, but she can't legally marry all of them even if they all agree. Three people can have a loving, lasting triad, living together for years and years, but can't legally marry. What kind of sense is that?

Protections against gender discrimination, domestic violence, and child abuse should be the focus, not preventing consenting adults from marrying. Victims of abuse would be more likely to work with authorities to stop abusers if consensual relationships were not criminalized nor discriminated against.
 
There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/discredited-invalid-arguments.html

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #14

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #16 
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Saturday, November 28, 2020

Cautious Consanguinamory


So, someone you already love wants to love you more, and you want to love them more; you’re mutually attracted. And you’ve considered the pros and cons and have decided to go for it. You want to add sexual affection to your relationship.

But you feel a need to go slowly.


You could be nervous and very cautious because it is new, because such experiences are an unknown to you, or because you’ve internalized cultural prejudices

How do you move forward with care?
— — —

Friday, November 27, 2020

When Someone You Love Wants To Love You More

You may have come to this blog because you think or know someone in your family or closely related to you is attracted to you, or has a crush on you, or wants to get romantic or sexual with you. You may have had a mix of reactions to this, whether you've been shocked, surprised, confused, amused, bemused, worried, flattered, aroused, creeped out, repulsed, nervous, or some combination of these. So what do you do when a relative has a crush or very strong attraction to you?


These Feelings Are Normal and More Common Than You Think

These feelings are not so rare. There’s not necessarily any reason to get them to a mental health professional because they have these feelings. They are especially common when you were not raised by one another or with each other, but even if you were raised together or by one another, it's not unheard of.


These Feelings Aren't Wrong


Their feelings are their own. It is OK for them to have their feelings, and they certainly aren't alone in having such feelings.

And your feelings are your own.


Their feelings do not require you to act one way or another, but doing nothing at all is probably the worst way to react.

If you're feeling the same as they are, or want to seriously consider adding this bond to your relationship, you might be better off going to this entry here.

But if you're somewhat unsure, ambivalent, wavering, or all the way over to the side of being fairly certain you want no part of such a situation, the rest of his entry is for you.



Initial Reaction


Unless you've been hoping for this moment, you should probably take some time to think it over, even if your initial internal reaction was "No!" If you've already reacted negatively to them, there's still a chance to smooth things over.


Are You Sure It is How They Feel?


As we like to say around here, thinking and knowing are two different things.

It’s pretty clear how they feel if they explicitly say that they want to get it on, or they made an unmistakable physical pass at you, or you’ve overheard them masturbating and saying your name, or you’ve discovered that they keep images of you that are sexy or explicit or are very suggestive, or the history/files on their smart phone, tablet, or computer reveals they’ve been thinking about how to get with you.

If you've got a vagina and you find that your underwear (especially used) keeps getting moved or disappears and reappears in their room, that’s a pretty strong signal on their part; there is only doubt if they are the same size as you, in which case there is a small chance they wanted to wear it (washed). If you find that your underwear/lingerie or toys keep getting moved or used, that’s a strong indicator. It is also something I advise against people doing, just FYI.

If they've left this very essay for you to find, then it should be clear.

If you have such clarity, You can skip down to the next section.

But if it hasn’t been that clear, there's a chance they're not making a play or inviting you to. They may not even want to act even if they do have feelings for you in that way.


If you only think they might be interested, it could be a misunderstanding or maybe you are misreading them (or even projecting your own latent feelings).

Flirting or behaviors that would look like flirting to the average observer ignorant of your relation might be an indication, but those things aren't definitive if not explicit or blunt.

Maybe you've found out that they like (or even create) porn or erotica with incestuous themes. This does not necessarily mean they are attracted to you and want to have sex with you and are hoping to have sex with you. It's a very popular genre. Some people enjoy such material or even have a fetish for it without actually wanting to be with their own family members. Porn is usually very different from reality, after all. On the other hand, it can be a sign of interest.

Hints, clues, or signs likely to indicate they're interested:

  • They look for reasons to be around you, especially alone, without an apparent agenda. 
  • They suggest or arrange for you two to do things that romantic couples might do, even if it they try to make it seem like an accident (such as getting the two of you in a hotel room with just one bed). 
  • They have increased physical contact with you. 
  • You catch them staring at you or giving you lingering looks. 
  • They’ve started or increased discussions about sex with you, especially consanguineous sex and relationships, and especially if it involves “joking” about consanguinamory or something happening between the two of you. 
  • They express jealousy or envy towards your (potential) dates or lovers. 
  • The people they date or find most attractive have similarities to you in appearance, age, mannerisms, etc. They may even (try to) date your friends. 
  • They’ve “accidentally,” or have had excuses to, come in to where you are changing clothes or showering/bathing or have tried to call you in when they are changing clothes or showering/bathing when it hasn’t been typical for you to be in those circumstances together. 
  • They are dressing up more impressively than usual or in more revealing clothing around you for no apparent reason.
  • They’ve started to invite you to tell them how they look or if something they’re wearing is appropriate. 
  • They mention having a sexual dream that included you. Even if they play it off as funny or strange, they could be trying to see how you react.
None of these by themselves mean it is certain they are sexually attracted to you, but the more that you recognize them doing, the more likely they are.

If you're still unsure and you don't want to come right out and ask them because it could be embarrassing, you can give them a chance to speak plainly about their feelings for you by talking about the subject in general. If you talk about it in a way that indicates to them that it is safe for them to talk with you about it and they can tell you anything, then they’ll reveal if they do feel that way for you. Some ways of doing this would be to say that you had a dream that included them, or that you’d consider it flattering if someone in the family thought you were attractive. You can say things like, "Is there anything on your mind you're not telling me? You can tell me anything, and I mean anything." Or something like, "You know, I've been thinking about how rare it can be for people to find a very strong, special connection to each other, and it is shame that some people think there is anything wrong with consenting adults loving each other in any way they want." There are many things you could say that will give them the confidence to be vulnerable with you.


You're Positive They Want to Jump Your Bones

No matter what your feelings are, you need to make it clear what boundaries, if any, you need to be in place.

Again, if you think you want to go for it, whether you’ve been hoping they feel that way or you’re curious or want to explore or experiment, go ahead and see this.

If you need limits on what is going to happen, when, where, etc., then you need to discuss that with them, as you should for any romantic or sexual relationship you’d have with anyone. Maybe your limits include cuddling, maybe kissing, maybe simply being naked around each other, maybe masturbating in front of each other, or touching each other or various forms of sexual contact. Maybe you want to move more slowly than you have with others (although many people in these situations end up moving faster than they have with others, and often regret that they didn’t get together sooner.)

If you think there is no way you'd want to get any more physically affectionate or romantic than you already do with them, do you know why? Consider if you’re internalizing a senseless prejudice against something that could be very enjoyable for both or all of you and bring you closer together. It might be a good idea to tell the other person you need some time to think about things. Sometimes, people who are initially shocked or have a negative reaction, after thinking it over, realize they have a mutual interest. The thought that they want you might have caught you off-guard or shocked you. Take some time of think about it. This is someone who loves you and knows you. It had to take some courage on their part to be vulnerable with you if they volunteered to you how they feel.

While there is no good reason to have laws or taboos against such relationships, you may have a reason to not have such a relationship, at least with this person. After all, each person needs to decide for themselves that they’re going to do and with whom when it comes to physical contact and romantic activities.

If you're not going to further or continue sexual or romantic affection, it would be best to let them down easy, and you probably want to let them down easy, unless they’ve been coercive in their approach. Who likes to be rejected?

Some things you might want to say, depending on the situation:

  • You’re flattered 
  • You love them
  • You’re not upset with them 
  • You just can’t go there because your feelings for them, while loving and pleasant, are entirely non-romantic and/or non-sexual 
  • You’re not open to a romantic or sexual relationship anyone right now (or anymore) 
  • You’re committed to someone else/others and do not want to jeopardize that 
  • You just can’t take the possible risks
Even if you already reacted in a way that wasn’t exactly letting them down easy, you can go back to them and tell them that you’re flattered, you’re sorry you reacted that way, but you were caught off guard, then tell them one or more of the statements above.

If you take the route of not “going there,” be sure to be mindful of what you’re doing around them because you do not want to tease them or give them false hope. It is tough enough for them to deal with the rejection; don’t add to the difficulty.

Also, they may be consanguinamorous as their orientation, and even if they aren't they might pursue a consanguinamorous relationship with someone else. Here's how to be an ally.

If you'd like to contact me to discuss these matters further, you can write me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

(Disclaimer: This entry assumes you live, or would move to, someplace where affection would not be a criminal matter.)



How To Pull Off Living With Your Consanguineous Lover


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Wednesday, November 25, 2020

Holidays and Sheltering At Home

Some of you are, or will be, heading home for Thanksgiving (US) and the Winter holidays and school breaks. Some of you have been home because you always are, and still others have been home or are heading back home due to physical distancing during the pandemic. Whichever is your situation, a lot of you are, or will be, spending more time at home with family.

If you do find, or already have found, yourself having feelings for. or sharing affection with, family members, you're definitely not alone. It appears that this year has seen more of that than any previous year in history. And, as it was before this year, it was common enough for close relatives to share sexual or romantic affection that you certainly know people who have. You are NOT alone.

Whether you're blood relatives, step relatives, adoptive relatives, in-laws, or honorary relatives, there's nothing wrong with your feelings and, depending on the circumstances, there may be nothing wrong with sharing more affection. 

Will you make the most of this time?

You might need to read one or more entries on this blog that I list below. Feel free to contact me.

Here's a special message for young people.

Consanguinamory (Consensual Incest) FAQ

It's more common than most people think for close relatives to share sexual affection or experimentation. Intrafamial sex and romance is as old as time.

Do You Have Feelings For a Close Relative?

Do you think or know that a close relative has feelings for you?

Yes, it is OK. But should you "do it" in your specific situation?

You might be able to make it happen. If you're the parent, there is more to consider.

Taking it slow and cautiously might be the way, unless the two (or three, or...?) of you can't hold back. Sometimes, the ice just needs breaking.

Stepsiblings, stepparents, and stepchildren might want to read this.

Are you considering coming out as consanguinamorous?

A message for family and friends.

How To Be An Ally to Consanguinamorous People You Know

Are you considering, or involved in, a situation that isn't monogamous?

Read exclusive interviews with close relatives who are involved in everything from spousal-style relationships to family-with-benefits arrangements.

If you've already shared sexual affection and are trying to sort everything out, this might help

If you can't be together geographically, you might be able to make the most of the distance

Again, you can contact Keith and you can comment below (including anonymously), so please share your thoughts, experiences, questions, plans, or anything else you want to share. 
— — —

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

When A Spouse Is Approached By Their Adult Child

Someone on a question-and-answer service raised the question of what he should do because he is faced with his independent, adult daughter making it clear she wants a sexual relationship with him, him having reciprocal feelings, and him also being married to his daughter's mother.

Let's take a look at this below.

Some of this is applicable regardless of genders, and whether or not his wife is the mother of the daughter or a stepmother. I'll be focusing on the original situation, however.

His feelings are natural and so are hers. It had to take a lot of courage on her part to say something. She’s been feeling this way for a long time.

— — —

Monday, November 23, 2020

Thanksgiving Time

This US national holiday always falls on the fourth Thursday of November.

This year, things are going to be different for many because they won't be travelling or won't be getting together to reduce the spread of COVID-19.

Thanksgiving Day has been, in other years, a huge holiday in the US, centered mainly around a special family meal. In case you haven't noticed, Americans like to eat a lot. Since Thanksgiving is always on a Thursday, Friday is a holiday as well (at least as far as the government is concerned). Because Thanksgiving is considered to specifically be about family togetherness, it can be a painful time for those who have been rejected by their family because of their gender identity, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, or choice in partner(s). Some LGBTQ people, polyamorous people, and those in consanguineousintergenerational, or interracial relationships are reminded every year that even their own family hates them.

Some people make the best of this and plan a Thanksgiving meal with friends. I throw out a special “good for you” to anyone who has ever hosted a meal like that. Keep up the good work, even if you don't do it this year. I think such gatherings are much more enjoyable anyway. If you don't have one to go to next year, consider hosting your own!

But I also have words for anyone who has driven away or banned someone in their family because of that other family member’s identity, orientation or partner(s): Shame on you. You don’t have to like your family member’s sexuality or how they live. But you should reach out to them and support them instead of driving them away. Every person at that table does things you don’t like. Why single out a family member for punishment because of who they love? If your family member has a partner whose family is more accepting, guess who is going to win? Guess who is going to get to play with any grandkids/nieces/nephews? Not you. Think about it. Maybe it isn't too late to make amends and have them over for this year's holiday. This might help.

If you're feeling alone this time, please know that there are people who care. I care! Feel free to comment below or reach out to me.

Some of you are home or will be going home. Do you have any special plans for this holiday week? Are you going to be coming out, or trying to start or rekindle something with someone special? You can comment (anonymously, if you'd like) below or write an email at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com.
— — —

Saturday, November 21, 2020

Why Do I Feel This Way?


Has anything like these ever happened to you?
  • You wake from from an erotically charged dream, feeling strange or confused because it featured a close relative or family member.

  • You're close to orgasm, whether you're alone or with at least one other person, and thoughts of a relative pop into your head, taking you to climax.

  • You've found yourself admiring your relative "a little too much," whatever the setting or occasion.

If you have experienced anything like any of those, you're not alone. This is more common than many people think, because far more people have such thoughts than will admit to most people they know.

If we're talking about someone who recently came (back) into your life and you, they, or the both of you were essentially raised through childhood apart, then it could be reunion GSA, which is very common in such situations. See this page for more information. Most of this entry also applies to you, but is more focused on people who were always in each other's life, or for the most part have been.

Is It Normal?

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Friday, November 20, 2020

Transgender Day of Remembrance

Today, especially, we remember transgender people killed by hatred and ignorance. It's the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

For all transgender people reading this:

We value you. You are valid. You deserve to live your life free of prejudice, free of being attacked for who you are.

We are going to help make things better sooner rather than later.
— — —

Thursday, November 19, 2020

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #14


“What about insurance/employment benefits?” There are many simple ways to deal with this. It is dealt with when an employee has more kids than the next, isn't it? It is not a good reason to deny the polygamous freedom to marry or polyamorous relationship rights in general.. This is something the law and/or employers and unions can figure out.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/discredited-invalid-arguments.html

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #13 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #15
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Wednesday, November 18, 2020

For Parents Considering Consanguinamory

One of the popular pages on this blog is this Courting Consanguinamory page, which has helped a lot of people. That page is generalized, though, about starting any consanguinamorous relationship. This entry below is adapted from an answer I gave on Quora, to a parent who was asking about starting a consanguinamorous bond with their adult daughter. Most of it is adaptable to those considering being with a son, too.

Contrary to myths, this not illegal everywhere. There are a couple of US states and many countries in which it is not illegal for an adult to have sex with their parent(s). Also, there are mentally healthy women who will confide that this was one of the best experiences of their lives. Even where still illegal, very few such relationships are ever brought to the attention of law enforcement, thankfully.

You’d need to be delicate about doing this, not clumsy or rushed. You don’t want to put any pressure on her nor upset her.

Do you know if she is attracted to people of your gender? Could she be attracted to, or sexual with, someone your age? These are things you can find out by talking with her without making it clear that you would like to add a sexual or romantic bond with her.

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Tuesday, November 17, 2020

If She Wasn't Serious, She Wouldn't Have Revealed Her Feelings

There are better places than Reddit to have a serious discussion about consanguinamory, but I thought this recent post by someone with the screen name DaughterNeeds was an interesting one. [Please note this blog entry has been bumped up from a previous posting.] This person claims to be an involved/experienced daughter, and titled the post "Respect your daughter choice and say yes"...
Actually, the only time I felt unwanted or unloved or hurt or betrayed was when my father originally told me no. He was worried that he had somehow done something wrong or that somehow I was confused.
To the fathers who are out there let me assure you of something: If your daughter comes to you can rest assured that she is sure and yes she means it! We are socially programmed from birth to believe such feelings or thoughts are immoral and unethical. If your daughter comes to you longing for you, she has had more than enough time to think, rethink, and think some more. She has likely struggled to come to terms with how she feels and she has likely contemplated a million reasons on why she should squash her feelings and most certainly has she has tried. Unknowing to you she has most certainly tried her whole life to force herself to feel for someone else as strongly and as instinctively she feels for you.
She makes a good point. Unless the situation is a recent reunion/introduction, or she's literally insane to the point she has no idea what she's doing, a daughter making a clear pass at her father (or mother) must have thought about it a lot already. It might seem sudden to the parent, but it isn't to the daughter who is opening her heart and being extremely vulnerable.
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Sunday, November 15, 2020

“I’m Stuck at Home With Family”

If staying home has (or had) you thinking about sex with a family member, you’re not alone. More people than usual have been contacting me or finding this blog with questions like...

Do siblings have sex?
Is it OK to have sex with your mother?
How do I have sex with my brother?
Is it normal to feel horny for my dad?
I fantasize about my daughter.
I want my sister.
I'm feeling attracted to my son.
Should I try to have sex with my mom?

Can I do it with my brother?
Do brothers and sisters have sex?
Is it weird that I want to make love to my brother?
How can I tell if my son wants to have sex with me?
I think my brother is giving me signs he wants to have sex.
How do I seduce my father?
Do people ever have sex with their parents?
I've wanted my son for years, and now that we're home together all of the time I need him.


People are stuck at home and they are considering relieving their sexual tension with a family member, and they have questions.

Lockdowns, shutdowns, staying home, self-isolating, quarantines... people are stuck home and, in many cases, that means being without a partner, a lover, a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a date, a booty call, a hookup, or a chance to meet someone.... unless that someone is someone who lives with them. People are stuck at home with their family members, and many of them are feeling horny, missing sex, feeling deprived of sex. They have urges and needs. They’re frustrated.

There are mothers who want to see if their son or daughter is down for some fun. There are sisters who want to know if they can get together with their brother. Their are sons who ache to be with their mother or father. Or both.

You get the idea.

Whether they are blood family or step or adopted, or maybe not even officially family but have been living together, people are wondering, fantasizing, itching. Masturbation only does so much. A family-with-benefits experiment, or something more romantic, are very real possibilities.

Is it OK? Yes, if everyone involved consents, it is OK.

There is no good reason people who want to be affectionate with each other should deny themselves and each other, if they mutually agree to that affection. Even if it is embraces, caresses, shoulder rubs, kisses... it needn't go any further than you mutually agree. But many of you who dare to do more will find it extremely pleasurable.

You might feel like you're odd, but it is far more common than most people think, and the indication I have is that more people than ever are doing it right now. Whether you’ve never considered it before or you’ve wanted it for a long time, why wait? If you can't think of a good reason to wait or hold back, don't! Just don't be crude or overbearing in how you go about this. If you need more inspiration, read about just a few of the people who’ve already enjoyed this. You love and care about each other. Why not be affectionate, if that is that is what you want?

And if you're separated from a relative right now that you'd like to have fun with through technology, see this.

Feel free to contact Keith if you want to discuss this.

For further reading...

Why Do I Feel This Way?

When Someone You Love Wants to Love You More

Consanguinamory (Consensual Incest) FAQ

More About This Blog
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Saturday, November 14, 2020

Intergenerational Relationships Aren't Automatically Abusive

After I boosted my post "Intergenerational Relationships Can Work" on the Tumblr counterpart to this blog. (And again, we are talking about ADULTS.) This prompted someone to anonymously message that Tumblr blog...
Oh, hey! Somehow I didn't notice you supported intergenerational relationships, and I checked your answers to common objections and there was no reference to it, so may I direct you to a couple of links you might find interesting? They are against intergenerational relationships, but they might have notions you haven't considered.
From what I could see, the objections to intergenerational relationships (generally meaning 20 or more years difference in age) or even just age-gap relationships (less than 20, but, say ages 18 vs. 24 or 30 vs. 45) were all variations on the "power imbalance" argument.
— — —

Friday, November 13, 2020

Transgender Awareness Week


November 13–19 is Transgender Awareness Week!

What is Transgender Awareness Week? 
Transgender Awareness Week is a week when transgender people and their allies take action to bring attention to the community by educating the public about who transgender people are, sharing stories and experiences, and advancing advocacy around the issues of prejudice, discrimination, and violence that affect the transgender community.
We want all of our transgender friends and everyone else who loves them know that we have your back. Everyone should be free to live out their gender in the way they find best for them, and that includes being free to have the relationships that are best for them.
— — —

Wednesday, November 11, 2020

A Healing Love

We have another exclusive interview to bring you. As this interview is being published, there are still many people spending more time home with family members. Perhaps some of them will find this interview an inspiration? Or they can see this for some possibilities.

People in consanguinamorous relationships are everywhere, though consanguinamorists tend to be closeted. Fortunately, some are willing to be interviewed for this blog. As a result, Full Marriage Equality has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The woman interviewed below should be free 
to legallmarry her partner, or simply to live together With him in any place in the world without having to hide, yet she can't. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, including where they live, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what “Kaylee” has to say about her love for “Will.” You may think this relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, or you might find it ideal, even highly erotic and romantic, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights, or be ostracized simply because they love each other this way?

Prejudice against their relationship for being "incest" is irrational and harmful.


*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.


Kaylee: I was born and raised in the U.K., growing up in the big city, and now living in a smaller town. I am in my mid-twenties, Dad is young for a father of someone my age.

We moved here after I finished school. I studied engineering, more or less inspired by him as he also went down that path, though we chose different specializations. 


Other than that, there's not much else to say about me. I like chess, I am an occasional stoner, I used to take Ballet and Contemporary. These days I mostly just stick to yoga.

Meanwhile, he prefers jogging, and while I've jogged with him before, I truly hate running, so that's mostly something he does on his own.


I do have a younger brother, and my mother is alive and well, but we don't talk to them. We've been estranged for years. 


Our economic background has had its ups and downs but for the most part, we're comfortable now. We have a safety net and are saving up. We have a friend group we hang out with, but this year has been spent primarily with each other, for obvious reasons.

I'm currently living with just my Dad in our flat, as well as our wonderful beagle. No children, and we now live further away from our extended family.


— — —

Veterans Day

Today is the Veterans Day holiday in the US.

I can’t help but think of the men and women who risked their lives (and those who gave them) and endured so many things in service to their country, who weren’t and haven’t been free to be who they really are and share their lives openly with the person or persons they love.

Recent years have brought progress, and we have to fight to keep what we've gained while still looking for more progres. Problematic laws and policies remain, and, of course, LGBTQ people, the polyamorous, and consanguinamorous still endure the the threat of prosecution, persecution, or discrimination.

Shouldn’t someone who risked their life for this county be able to marry more than one person, or a biological relative? Or at least share a life with the person(s) he or she loves without a fear that their own government will be against them? Is bravery and valor negated if a man loves more than one woman, or his long lost sister? Shouldn’t a woman who served be free to marry both of the women she loves?

Let’s thank our veterans, especially those who are still being treated as second class citizens.
— — —

Tuesday, November 10, 2020

NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #13


“This will cause inheritance disputes.” This can’t be a reason for the continued denial of the polyamorous or polygamous freedom to marry. Again, if we're talking about children, not all polyamorous marriages will have children. But even with today’s restriction of monogamy-only for marriage, we see inheritance disputes all of the time. Widows and widowers who were married only once get in fights with their own children, who may fight with each other. Then, in some cases, there are children born outside of that marriage. There’s divorce and remarriage with or without stepchildren or making more children, there are people who were never married who have kids, there are childless people whose inheritances are disputed, "monogamous" and polyamorous people who had children with multiple people without having been married to any those partners, on and on it goes. If anything, legalizing polygamy would make it easier to sort out inheritance. There can be default rules in the law, and people can come up with their own documented, legal agreements.

There is no good reason to deny an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race or religion, the right to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Feel free to share, copy and paste, and otherwise distribute. This has been adapted from this page at Full Marriage Equality: http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/p/discredited-invalid-arguments.html

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #12 

Go to NOT a Good Reason to Deny (Polyamorous) Love #14
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Sunday, November 8, 2020

Intersex Day of Solidarity


Today, November 8, and every day, we stand in solidarity with intersex people. 

It’s Intersex Day of Solidarity.

Our bodies, genders, orientations, and relationships are diverse. Every person should be free to be themselves and to share love, sex, and relationships if and as mutually agreed with others. This includes intersex people. 

Intersex people are not broken. We stand against discrimination against, and persecution of, our intersex friends, family, and neighbors.

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Wednesday, November 4, 2020

Laws Vary Regarding Relationships Between Consenting Adults

We've heard so many different misunderstandings about laws as they apply to relationships and sex between consenting adults. Here in the US, it is especially understandable because laws vary from state to state. There are, of course, fifty states, but there are also other jurisdictions such as the District of Columbia, territories, such as Puerto Rico and the U.S. Virgin Islands, and there are also federal laws, military codes, and laws that apply to "Indian reservations" (small areas where indigenous peoples have some level of self-determination).

If you are concerned about the laws where you are or where you're considering moving, it would be a good idea to see if the laws of that location are searchable online and to consult an attorney who specializes in family or criminal law for that jurisdiction. An experienced lawyer can tell you about how often a law is enforced even if it is still in effect, and might be able to point out ways someone could make it less likely they'd ever be prosecuted.

Some states have laws still on the books that have been ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court. The only reason to still have those laws is a deranged hope that the Court decision will eventually be reversed.

Unmarried sex or cohabitation, interracial relationships, same-sex relationships, certain sex positions, even using contraception or sex toys have all been illegal in some places in the US. It might seem shocking, but it is true.

As the show "Sister Wives" detailed, Utah has been the last state to enforce a law against polyfidelity, or at least saying more than one person is your spouse. We're not even talking about insurance coverage or anything like that. Simply saying that you have more than one spouse is illegal. It's outrageous, but true.

When it comes to consanguinamory, confusion ranges from "I thought it was illegal everywhere for cousins to have sex" to "There are no laws against consenting adults having sex, no matter how closely related." Both statements are false.

The fact is, first cousins are incarcerated for having sex in a handful of US states. But about half of US states will allow first cousins to legally marry (and the list of states isn't what stereotypes would have you believe), although some of them have some restrictions. That leaves many states where where they can have sex, live together, raise children together, but can't legally marry. Outrageous, but true.

As far as relatives closer than that, in general, 47 states have laws against relatives closer than first cousins having sex. Ohio allows siblings to be together. Rhode Island and New Jersey have no laws against adults being together, no matter how closely related. Some other states apparently haven't criminalized sex between adults and their uncles or aunts (outside of old, overturned laws that criminalized unmarried sex, given that these people weren't allowed to marry.)

None of the states will knowingly allow relatives closer than first cousins to legally marry, with certain exceptions in certain states for uncles and nieces, for example, mostly a nod to traditions from foreign cultures. Traditions are not respected, however, when it comes to having more than one legal spouse.

Note that these criminalization laws and laws denying marriage rights tend to apply to genetic ("blood") relatives even if they were legally adopted to different families and never met until well into adulthood.

Some states may have relied on criminalization of homosexuality (which was overturned) and thus might not have anti-incest laws that technically criminalize same-sex consanguinmory. Laws can get very specific, outlawing certain sex acts but not others between certain people. Yes, as silly as it sounds, some specific sex acts that don't harm anyone have been illegal in some places.

The patchwork of unjust laws needs to be changed. There shouldn't be anywhere in the US (or any other country for that matter) where consenting adults are denied their basic rights to have a mutual relationship that includes whatever form of sex they want to have, living together, and, if they want, marriage, or any other union or partnership offered under law. Nobody should fall in love and then worry that if they move for a job they won't be able to marry in their new state or might even be criminals.

There's no good reason to deny these rights. In the US, it should be obvious that legal precedents have determined that such discrimination is unjust and unconstitutional. But people are understandably confused as many unjust laws are still enforced.
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