Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Motherly Guidance

As far as I know, the best place to discuss consanguinamory is Kindred Spirits. If you know of a better place, say so. Earlier this year, at previous/related forum (since moved/disbanded), a woman introduced herself by writing...
Hello. I'm Robin, 50s-something mother who is very much involved with my wonderful son. We are private people (but posting here is an oxymoron), and I began seeking others with whom I might be able to discuss issues related to the kind of relationship this site deals with.

In another message, she went into detail about how it all began...

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We Get Rambling Letters

The comment left here was so long that the person writing it had to break it into two parts. And yet the person never gives a good excuse for their bigoted opinion. Because there isn't one. See my response after the two-part comment.
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Monday, July 30, 2012

We Get Letters

I blogged back on March 14, 2011 about a case in Indiana in which adults who’d had consensual sex with each other were sent to prison.

Anonymous left a comment last night
You've got to be kidding. You CONDONE incestual sex because they'are adults? What a sad and warped value system you adhere to. My guess is you are empty at the very core of who you are, attempting to fill that space with any and all things you can possibly indulge yourself in, only to find that place still unfullfilled. Deny it aloud, but I bet I'm dead on. You embrace biological brothers and sisters who are clearly ignorant of any decent and healthy boundaries, having sex together (shaking head at the ignorance, YOURS, that validates the ignorance of the people involved.)
Notice a couple of important things about this comment, in addition to this person choosing to be Anonymous: 1. This person never even attempts to justify his or her bigotry by giving any reason why adult siblings shouldn’t be free to be together, and 2. Unable to justify his or her bigotry, he or she attempts to personally attack me.

I am anything but empty. I have a very full and happy life, and the correspondence I get from people helped through this blog warms my heart. The “sad and warped value system” is the one that prompts people to interfere with the happiness and love lives of others. Like it or not, there are siblings who are enjoying each other in every way, some of them living as spouses, and very few of them are going to be prosecuted (although one couple prosecuted is one couple too many.) You most certainly know some, whether you know it or not.

Simply expressing disapproval does not indicate why anyone else should disapprove, let alone why adults should be sent to prison for having consensual sex with each other.

As more and more people see that there is no good reason to deny adults relationship rights, we are going to move closer and closer to full marriage equality so that an adult is free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults.

It is very interesting that Anonymous went back and found that entry on this blog. Hmmm.
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Saturday, July 28, 2012

Bobbi Kristina and Nick Gordon Deserve to be Happy Together

Yes, the press is still at it. We recently saw coverage at of the romance between Bobbi Christina and Nick Gordon. People give them grief even though they are not biologically nor legally related. That is how ridiculous the bigotry against consanguinamory can be.

What's wrong with this picture? Nothing!

They love each other. Anyone who has a problem with that is the person with a problem. Not them. Let them be happy together.

Good for them!

For those of you who don't know, Bobbi Christina is Whitney Houston's daughter. Houston treated Gordon like a son for at least part of his life. I think their love is a beautiful thing.
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Thursday, July 26, 2012

Swaziland Imprisons Adults For Consensual Sex

Eugene Dube reports at that consenting adults have been incarcerated for having sex.

Blood relatives, an aunt and her brother’s son have been convicted for having an incestuous relationship.

The related couple were yesterday sentenced to four years in jail or a fine option of E2000 each.

They both failed to pay the fine.

The relatives are said to have been reported to the police by an angry family elder, who on several occasions found them having intercourse.
Rat. A jealous rat. He should have read this.
The case was before Magistrate Musa Nxumalo, who slammed the two saying the deed was devilish and unSwazi.

“It is unacceptable at all,” said Magistrate Nxumalo.
Notice he doesn’t back up his bigotry with anything factual.
Other people who were in court labelled this practice as unSwazi while flatly condemning the aunt as she was older than her nephew.
I wonder what their love lives are like, if they have them. Would everyone in the community approve of them?
The grandfather, who was identified as Mdluli was present in court, armed with a knobkerrie and visibly angry.
Sounds like perhaps he’s the one who has a problem.
While outside, waiting for the trial to start, he could be seen talking alone and wielding his weapon to imaginary foes.
Sounds like a credible witness, right?

In an interview, Mkhulu Mdluli slammed their actions.

“This is unSwazi my child, this boy is very young, the lady is his blood aunt.

I am disgusted by their conduct,” he said angrily.

I’m disgusted by bigotry and interfering with the love of consenting adults. Who cares if someone else doesn’t like them making love? Don’t do it if you don’t want to. How did they hurt anyone?

An adult should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults.
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Advancing the Polygamous Freedom to Marry

Lindsay Whitehurst at has an update on the Browns' court case.

A federal judge on Wednesday grilled a state attorney pushing for dismissal of a lawsuit filed by reality TV show stars that could decriminalize polygamy in Utah.
Prosecutors say the "Sister Wives" case should be dismissed because they won’t file bigamy charges against the polygamous Brown family, but U.S. District Judge Clark Waddoups questioned whether that move was a "ruse" to duck the suit.

This sounds good.
"What about the next couple?" Waddoups said. "What’s the policy reason behind this that would give assurances that prosecutions won’t occur in the future?"
We need laws that criminalize and discriminate against consensual adult relationships overturned. They should never be around to be used selectively as tools against love.
Meanwhile, at, Belinda Luscombe has coverage (some of it behind a paywall) of the Dargers and looks at the rising awareness of polygamy.

Polygamy is one of the few practices that still evokes genuine disgust in people. It’s a watchword for ignorance, sexual depredation, oppression of women and weird culty outfits.
To bigots and people ignorant of the wide range of polygamy and the wider range of polyamory.

The more attention, the better. More and more people are seeing that the polygamous freedom to marry, and full marriage equality for all, is a good thing, not a bad thing.
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Wednesday, July 25, 2012

It's On - The Browns Going After Anti-Equality Law

Back in the news is the good work of the Browns of "Sister Wives" as they seek to get Utah's ridiculous law overturned. Full marriage equality is getting closer and closer. Here's the article from Brian Skoloff of the Associated Press.

Kody Brown and his four wives want what any family wants, to live in the privacy of their own home free from government intrusion, and out from under the threat of criminal prosecution for — as they see it — just loving each other.
"As they see it?" It is the way any rational person sees it.

Brown and his wives — Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn — remain victims and continue to live under the stigma of being considered felons, Turley said, noting they fled to Nevada last year.
While all states outlaw bigamy, some like Utah have laws that not only prohibit citizens from having more than one marriage licence, but also make it illegal to even purport to be married to multiple partners. Utah’s bigamy statute even bans unmarried adults from living together and having a sexual relationship.

Arguments are being heard today. Let's advance equality!
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We Get Thanks - Attention Portland Area

I blogged about the teaching of Lasara Firefox Allen and she checked in with thanks and this information:
I want to let people know that I'm offering workshops on Sex-Positive Parenting. I have one coming up in Portland, OR, on Aug 4, and am looking for folks to register! So if any of you readers are in the PDX area, please come on out!
 You're welcome, and we're glad to let people know.
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We Get Letters

This is one of the most popular entries on this bog, and another round of comments is being left on it. Here's the latest comment and my response.
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Tuesday, July 24, 2012

What Really Happened in New Zealand?

This is a mess of a news article out of New Zealand. Here is how it starts…
A woman raped by the adult son she adopted out as a child has asked the courts to reveal his name, even though it could identify her.

That first line states that a man raped his genetic mother, who did not raise him.

The 29-year-old man, who was sentenced to five years and nine months in prison on Tuesday, was convicted of assaulting and raping his biological mother some months after he tracked her down to ask questions about his parentage last year.

Again, it says he was convicted of assaulting and raping her.
But rather than multiple rapes, he was convicted on nine counts of incest after the jury found the sexual relationship they embarked on was consensual to begin with.
Okay, if a jury in a court of law said it was consensual and convicted him of incest rather than assault/rape, why does the news article call it rape? Is this a bias against Genetic Sexual Attraction? As it turns out, if I'm reading it right, it looks like they believe it was an ongoing, consensual relationship that involved one incident of rape. I think. The defense plans to appeal on what they claim is a contradiction.

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Monday, July 23, 2012 Is Where to Go to Talk About Genetic Sexual Attraction

There is more than one place online to talk about Genetic Sexual Attraction, in case you or someone you know is experiencing GSA. I recommend as a place that welcomes all involved in GSA, and does not charge anyone to join.

Here's something written by a member...
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Monday, July 16, 2012

A Family Worth Visiting

They call themselves, or at least their blog, "A Family Less Ordinary." They are definitely worth a visit. I frequently see snide comments about families like this. Why? The parents are cousins.

There's nothing wrong with experimenting with, dating, or marrying a cousin. There are some countries and a little over half of US states where the bigotry against marriage equality extends to preventing first cousins from marrying, but there are many places where marrying a first cousin is legal and common.

It is sad that so much ignorance and bigotry remains. And with this kind of prejudice against cousins, you can imagine that closer relatives who are consanguinamorous are not encourages to come out of the closet.

From their introduction...

We have all the same wants, needs, dreams and desires as any other couple though, and we want the same kind of life as any other too.

My name is Lauren and my other half, his name is Damian.  We are first cousins.  And yes, we are crazy, head-over-heels in love.

Obviously we are not a normal, everyday couple and for that I apologize, to you the reader, to my family and to anyone else that takes issue with this fact.  But that defining detail changes nothing about how we love each other or anyone else.  We just are who we are and we want our loved ones to know us.  To know us and to love us, even as a couple.

Damian and I love our children very much, Kayley love bug and Violet princess.  We are dedicated to making a life for us and them.  We want to show them the world, everything that is awesome and amazing and happy.  We most of all, want to show them LOVE.  We have so much to give.
 The bigots who say hurtful things about such families should wake up to reality that love is love.
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Sunday, July 15, 2012

Amendment or Supreme Court Ruling?

The Supreme Court of the United States ruled in Reynolds v. United States (1878) that polygamy is not a Constitutionally-protected right. This has allowed the U.S. government to ban it. Even if the U.S. government didn’t ban, it the ruling allows states to ban it. The only way to ensure the right to polygamy would be for either a new Supreme Court decision reversing the old one, or a Constitutional amendment: the Marriage Equality Amendment. A court reversal could come as part of a ruling about same-sex marriage.

Striking down DOMA in a way that just sends the matter back to the states still leaves all of those states with laws banning gay marriage, polygamy, and consanguineous marriage. If, however, the court rules that the right to marriage should negate not only DOMA but most state marriage bans, that would be great. But what are the chances of that? If it doesn’t happen, then adding an amendment to the American Constitution, which isn’t easy, would be the best way of granting full marriage equality.
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Saturday, July 14, 2012

A Review of a Film Dealing With Siblings

Neil Young had a review at of "The Unspeakable Act."

He summarizes...
Sensitive subject-matter is handled with tact and intelligence in this tart if talky US indie.
But what does that mean?
Though looking somewhat older than her character's 17 years (working out the characters' ages is a frequent distraction), diminutive newcomer Tallie Medel compels attention as intelligent, analytical high-schooler Jackie Kimball -- whose dark green bushbaby eyes peer out at the world under black bangs. Brought up in austere comfort by her writer mother -- played by Aundrea Fares as an wispily ethereal Patti Smith lookalike -- after the mysterious, possibly drug-related death of her father, Jackie is on nodding terms with her sister Jean (Kati Schwartz) but has long nursed an intense crush on her charismatic, scholarly brother Matthew (Sky Hirschkron). This she details in exhaustive voiceovers that make up a hefty proportion of the script.

Matthew is fully aware of the situation -- as Jackie puts it, the duo have always had an "unspoken agreement that we belonged to each other" -- but has no urge to reciprocate, the pair living in their own little world thanks to their mother's benign neglect. Matters come to a head when Matthew departs for college, sending Jackie into such a crisis that she ends up in therapy -- at the picture's halfway stage, this being the first time that we actually learn the protagonist's name. Former Los Angeles Reader reviewer Sallitt, whose two previous outings (1998's Honeymoon and 2004's All the Ships at Sea) were generally liked by the few who saw them, thus signals that therapy is the first step of Jackie moving away from her fixation on Matthew and coming to terms with her own identity as an adult. Indeed, by the end his picture feels a little too much like a slightly pat advertisement for the benefits of psychiatry.
Hmmm. There are siblings who grow up together and grow into a happy, lifelong, spousal love with each other, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'd like to see them get a respectful treatment at the cinema.
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Friday, July 13, 2012

Obama and Others Need to Come Out For FULL Marriage Equality

"An adult should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any consenting adults, without prosecution, persecution, or discrimination."

That is what our leaders should say, loudly and proudly, especially on the wake of the hateful vote in North Carolina.

American politicians should support the Marriage Equality Amendment. They should stand up for FULL marriage equality, not just one or two limited freedoms to marry. Equality just for some is not equality.

Show solidarity, and stand up for the relationship rights of all consenting adults. No adult should have to hide her or his sexual orientation or hide her or his love for any other adults.
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Thursday, July 12, 2012

Guam Should Prosecute Assault and Child Abuse, Not Consensual Sex

We can't be sure what this story involves. Brett Kelman reported at about a criminal case.
A man who initially was accused of child rape agreed to plead guilty to misdemeanor incest and may be released from prison next week.

Felip Mafnas, 44, is willing to admit he had sex with a consenting adult relative, but there is no evidence that he sexually assaulted the girl when she was a teenager, said Public Defender Richard Dirkx.
There's an enormous difference between rape, and child rape at that, and consensual sex with an adult.
The plea offer was approved by prosecutors -- who have agreed to dismiss all rape charges in this case -- and Superior Court of Guam Judge Anita Sukola said she planned to accept the plea.

Sukola nearly signed off on the deal yesterday, but delayed the plea hearing so attorneys had more time to research if Mafnas should be listed on the sex offender registry.
Consensual sex should not be a crime, nor should it mean ending up on a sex offender registry.

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Love Should Not Have to Hide

If you are a regular reader here, you know I think the Kindred Spirits forum is a great place for people who are in, have been in, or are considering getting into a consanguinamorous relationship. Here's a recent posting by someone from Australia.

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Wednesday, July 11, 2012

More Details About Canadian Prosecution of Consenting Adults

I covered this news of Canada criminally sentencing adults for consensual sex, but Megan Gillis' reporting of the story has since appeared in several news outlets. This took place in Ottawa. Here it is at

A judge handed a 53-year-old woman and her 35-year-old son probation for incest Thursday after the pair admitted to a sordid tryst, witnessed by her daughter and his sister at her father's deathbed.
Sordid? Clutch the pearls! What is sordid about people who love each other being affectionate with each other?

Of the rat, she writes...
On May 14, 2010, she was visiting her dying father's apartment along with her mother and brother. They'd been drinking.

She stepped onto a balcony to smoke and happened to look through a window into a bedroom.

She saw her brother having sex with her mother, whose skirt was hiked up around her waist.

Disgusted, she banged on the window. Her brother looked up with an expression of shock and embarrassment.
Why did the authorities need to be involved?

I looked through some of the comments left after the article at Not single response I saw explained why this should still be a criminal matter, just a lot of people expressing their personal disgust. I wonder what others would thing of their love lives?

Again, this should never have been a matter for the courts. They should be free to marry, if that is what they want.
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Love and Abuse Are Two Different Things

There’s a difference between sex, whether exploratory, recreational, an expression of a deep love, or whatever context... and abuse, especially child abuse. Unfortunately, both are often lumped together under the word “incest.” There’s no comparison. A parent, grandparent, or some other older relative molesting a child should bring severe criminal sentences. A loving and consensual sexual relationship between adult siblings or between a parent and adult children shouldn’t be criminal and should be eligible for marriage. Consensual exploration between minor relatives close in age should not be a criminal matter, either.

Likewise, some have tried to depict polygamy as a certain form of patriarchal polygyny between older men and minor girls. A man “marrying” multiple minor girls (or just one) should be locked up. An adult man and two adult women choosing to build a life together should have their marriage recognized by the law, if that is what they choose. The same goes for three women, or two men and a woman, and others.

Rape, assault, and molestation are and should be crimes, as they are perpetrated against someone who doesn’t or is unable to consent to being sexually touched. But while some rape is incestuous, not all incest is rape or molestation. Consensual incest ("consanguinamory") is an expression of love or affection, and it should not be a crime.

If you have been attacked, assaulted, raped, or molested, please know that you are not alone and there is help. You should not be ashamed. Your attacker should be ashamed, and convicted, whether a family member, a stranger, or someone somewhere between. And if you have seen someone being abused, report it to the police.

One of the groups that can help is RAINN - Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. Yes, the name does nothing to remove the negative connotation from “incest,” but they can still be helpful.

Another resource is Survivors of Incest Anonymous. Again, I wish the name was different, but I’m just glad there is help for anyone who was raped or molested by a family member.

Perhaps you have been experiencing some attraction to a family member, especially one you were previously separated from for a long time. Or, perhaps you aren’t but know of a family member who is feeling that way towards you or someone else. Whether those feelings are wanted, unwanted, or you’re not quite sure, you can find some support, sympathy, and advice.

But if you have, or are, experiencing attraction and love with a consenting family member, or have chosen a polyarmorous relationship, don’t let anyone put you down or interfere with your happiness. While we have a ways to go to reach equality under the law, consanguineous love and polyamory can be a beautiful things. In a world with abuse, bitter family rifts, estrangement, and rampant divorce, we should never discourage loving intimacy.
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Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Polygamy Doesn't Oppress Women

Inequality and iron-fisted patriarchy is what oppresses women, not polygamy.

Polygamy doesn't just mean polygyny, which is one husband with multiple wives, or as some Mormons call it, plural marriage. Polygamy can also mean polyandry (one wife, multiple husbands) multiple husbands and wives, and three or more people of the same gender in a marrital arrangement.

What oppresses women is denying them their equality with men. In other words, the "problems with polygamy" that those who want to deny the polygamous freedom to marry and marriage equality cite are problems with a general lack of equality for women in that community, not a problem with polygamy.

As long as a woman has the same rights as a man to NOT marry, to marry, to divorce, to be protected against domestic violence, to control what happens to her own body, and general equality under the law... then polygamy is not a problem.

A woman should be free to marry a man who is married or will marry another woman. She should be free to marry another woman, or more than one woman. She should be free to marry a man and a woman. She should be free to marry them even if they are a different race or if they are closely related. As long as all involved are consenting adults, they should have those rights.

Telling a woman she can't marry another woman or she can't marry the man she wants to marry because someone who won't even be involved doesn't like it... that oppresses women.

See these:
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Friday, July 6, 2012

Does Polyamory Test Potential Leaders?

There has been controversy recently in some African countries over polygyny and leaders being polygynous, mostly because of some monogamists who want to portray anything nonmonogamous as wrong. Outsiders are more apt to be concerned about a lack of equality for women. It is the position of this blog that marriage being a fundamental right, the polygamous freedom to marry should not be denied nor discriminated against, under the system that includes gender equality, equal freedom to not marry and to divorce, and domestic violence protections. A woman should be free to marry a man who is already married, as long as all agree, but she should also be free to marry one or more women, or more than one man, or multiple men and women.

Gimba Abdullahi Liman wrote an opinion about polygamy (polygyny) in Nigeria.
Successful polygamy is all about ensuring that you can follow through on all of your promises and never over promise but always go the extra mile to exceed your wives' expectation.
This is good advice for any committed relationship.

Here's what got my attention...

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Thursday, July 5, 2012

The Love Next Door

One of the best forums online for those who are, or have been, involved in consanguinamory is Kindred Spirits. There, people you might see every day get together and talk about life, love, and just about anything, and sometimes the love they have that is subject to so much bigotry and discrimination.

A woman living with her brother wrote...
Well at first glance incest would mean an abnormal sexual relationship between two family members. But that is a label society puts on it. To me it means an extreme commitment of unconditional love for each other. It's a love born out of growing up together and giving yourself body and soul to each other at a very young age. the closeness and comfort you feel with one another is like no other. You do become as one cause you are as one you know everything about each other you have no secrets form each other...To me it is the perfect relationship the sex is more intimate than you can imagine.
In a different message, she wrote...
My feelings have always been very clear about consensual incest, i see no problem with it at all...

For myself i've been involved with my brother since i was 14, we've lived together for the last going on 12 years, (im 30, he's 29)

Actually we lead a very normal life, if i lived next door to you, you would never guess i was involved in incest...
She  is an attractive girl-next-door type. Another woman who is also attractive and in a relationship with her brother wrote...

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Canada Still Criminally Sentencing Adults For Consensual Sex

Andrew Seymour reports at about two adults prosecuted and criminally sentenced for having sex with each other.
A mother and adult son who were caught having sex in the Ottawa apartment of the dying husband and father were sentenced to probation Thursday.
At least it was only probation, but charges should never have been filed in the first place. This was a private matter that didn't hurt or involve anyone else.

The incest came to light when the then 52-year-old woman and her then 32-year-old were spotted through a window by the woman’s daughter and the man’s older sister after she showed up to visit her terminally ill father on May 14, 2010 in his Murray Street apartment.

So the sister was the rat. Sibling rivalry?

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Polygynists in the Media

Slowly but surely, I'm clearing the desk. There were a couple of articles on polygynists I wanted to point out. Unless an article is filled with lies and venom against marriage equality, then I consider it good that an article has raised awareness of alternatives to the narrow relationship model so often presented in the media, which is heterosexual, monogamous, nonconsanguineous, along racial lines (usually), and married.

This article by Deborah Arthurs at featured the Dargers. Joe Darger, you may recall, is married to twin sisters and their cousin.

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Tuesday, July 3, 2012

We Need Solidarity to Reach FULL Marriage Equality

Most people are familiar with the struggle of gays and lesbians to have the freedom to marry in the USA and many other places around the world. Some people can remember the struggle for interracial marriage in the USA. When someone cites the freedom for polygamous marriage or consanguineous marriage, some people dismiss those ideas. As disappointing as that is, it is not surprising.

Some LGBT people don’t understand the desire for polygamous or consanguineous marriage, often because the LGBT people discussing the issue aren’t interested in such relationships, or they find the very idea of them repulsive, and so they don’t see why those other relationships should have the freedom to marry.

Likewise, some people may want the freedom to polygynous marriage, but don’t understand polyandry or grouping, or same-sex marriage, or consanguineous relationships, or even interracial relationships, and find those ideas repulsive, and so they don’t see why those other relationships should have the freedom to marry.

And there are people involved in heterosexual consanguineous relationships who don’t want to get married and don’t understand or are repulsed by same-sex relationships or polyamorous relationships, and so don’t see the need for those groups to have the freedom to marry.

There are people who experience Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA) who refrain from acting on their feelings and want to stop other people from acting on their GSA, or they don’t believe in or condemn Familial Sexual Attraction, and don’t understand the need for consanguineous marriage.

Like many heterosexuals, some LGBT people do not want to get married, and may struggle to see just how important the freedom to marry is.

There are interracial couples in the USA who have exercised their freedom to marry, something that would have been denied to them not long ago, who do not see the need for others to have their freedom to marry.

All of these people have something in common. They all face denial of their rights, discrimination, and sometimes worse in many places around the world just because they don’t pass the sex-negative, heterosexual, monogamous, “racial purity” or nonconsanguineous tests set up by those who want to force everyone else to conform to their narrow view of sexuality and marriage, or want to keep other people from having what they have.

It’s all a matter of fairness and equality. Equality just for some is not equality. A person has the right to not only have a relationship with, but marry the consenting person or persons of his or her choice. It is time to allow everybody to exercise this right. We can get there if we have solidarity. Don’t just stand up for your freedom to marry; stand up for the freedom for all to marry. Don’t just be an ally for a friend’s right to a same-sex marriage; stand of the rights of all. That’s true marriage equality.

You don’t have the like what other people choose to do. If you don’t want a same-sex relationship, or a poly relationship, or an interracial relationship or a consanguineous relationship, or you do not want to get married under any circumstances, that is your choice and you have that freedom. But you should support the rights of other people to choose for themselves, based on what they feel is best for them. Love is love.

The next time someone says the freedom to marry someone of the same-sex will lead to polygamy or incest, instead of throwing other people under the bus, respond with something like, “What’s wrong with letting consenting adults do what they want with each other? I support marriage equality, period. Would you want someone telling you that you couldn’t get married?” We need to let people know that it isn't okay to discriminate. We need to reach out to everyone who is seeking the freedom to marry and let them know they aren't alone.

In addition to fairness, marriage equality will aid the health of those who will finally be able to marry. It will add stability to their relationships and increase stability in communities.

There are people you know - people in your family, neighbors, coworkers, police officers, postal carriers, firefighters, teachers, people of all walks of life - who don't have the freedom to marry the person or persons they love. That's not right.

Let’s all stand up for true equality: full marriage equality.

(This was adapted from my page "Why Support Marriage Equality?")
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Incest in Ireland?

Here is another example of a criminal trial that includes a superfluous incest charge and a news report I think is lacking some important information. Either this man assaulted or raped this woman, or he didn't. He was not her caretaker or guardian. That they are related should not criminalize consensual sex. If this was not consensual sex but rather rape, then he should be convicted of rape. Declan Brennan reports for
The jury in the trial of a man accused of raping his 65-year-old mother on Mothers Day has been told they can find him not guilty of rape but guilty of incest.
Consensual incest between adults shouldn't be a crime. It if wasn't consensual, it was rape.

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Still No Good Reason to Ban Consanguinamory

More desk clearing as we head into a holiday here in the states. A couple of months ago, ally Deified Data started a long discussion about consanguinamory. He effectively demolished Discredited Arguments #1, 18, & 20 and stayed involved in the discussion. Some more allies spoke up, and at least one person who experimented with a sibling commented as well. The anti-equality statements I saw were all Discredited Arguments, including repeating #1, 18, & 20, even though the original post already destroyed those arguments. The original poster did a good job. If you want to participate in discussions like that one, always feel free to copy & paste from the Discredited Arguments page, or adapt the material there in your own words.

The more discussions there are like this, the more people will see there is no good reason to keep laws and prejudices against consanguinamory and consanguinamorous marriages, or to deny full marriage equality.
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Monday, July 2, 2012

Is Marriage Equality Enough?

, contributor to, wrote back in May "Why Marriage Equality is Not Enough." It talks about some of the same issues brought up in this entry from last week. This blog exists to move relationship rights, including full marriage equality, forward, but I do recognize that marriage equality is only part of progress.
Of course, assimilation into an institution also means assimilation into a particular notion of what's normative and acceptable. Enter: The "Just Like You!" Plea. At the end of the day, inclusion still conforms to a perceived norm, and in doing so, marginalizes other preferences, experiences, and expressions. People in gay relationships (not queer! that's a bad word) just want to buy a house with a picket fence and have 2.5 kids like their mythical heterosexual brothers and sisters. They just want to "raise a family" and take turns walking the dog and emulate the anachronistic norm of patriarchal, economically productive homes. Right? ... No? Okay, so in that case, can we stop pretending like everyone is the same? (And while we're at it can we stop pretending as though "opposite" and "same" sex are in any way accurate or adequate?) Progressive legislation and equal recognition need not be rallied for on the grounds that all LGBTQ couples are wealthy, white, able-bodied, cis male monogatrons who are "just like you, but gay." Challenging this homo-normative narrative entails acknowledging that the hetero-normative illusion it claims to be "just like" is also a fallacy and furthermore unnecessary as a means for comparison. Do we all have to identify as straight, gay or lesbian, or perform an intelligible gender, or be in "incredibly committed monogamous relationships" to deserve the multiple economic and legal privileges currently provided through marriage?
It is definitely something to think about. Some same-gender relationships are monogamous and quite vanilla and socially conservative. Others are polyamorous or otherwise different than what you're likely to see in some image of a "perfect family" the Southern Baptists or LDS might publish in official literature. We don't insist that gays and lesbians be treated equally because of how much they may be like "traditional" heterosexual couples. We insist that LGBT people be treated equally because they are people

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