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Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Ten Myths About Sibling Consanguinamory

I’ve noticed some common myths expressed about sibling consanguinamory. In this instance, by consanguinamory, I mean everything from curious exploration and experimenting to erotic romance, including masturbating in front of each other, erotic kissing, sexual touching or rubbing, oral sex, intercourse, etc.

This entry is NOT addressing molestation, assault, or abuse.

I’m referring to adult siblings, or minor siblings who are close in age, engaging in mutual affection or experimentation, without coercion, force, or intimidation. It may be two siblings alone, it may be three or more siblings, or it may be two or more siblings involved together with one or more people outside of the immediate family.

These myths need to be addressed, because they perpetuate inequality, discrimination, hardship, confusion, stigmas, ignorance, and fear.

Myth #1 “It doesn’t happen” or “It happens very rarely” or “I don’t know anyone who has done this.” Just because one person hasn’t been involved or doesn’t remember being involved with sibling doesn’t mean it isn’t happening with others. It is, and it always has. Ongoing sexual relationships between siblings are common enough that everyone knows someone who is, or has been in, such a relationship, and far more siblings than that have had an encounter or experimented, explored, or played doctor. Reality: We all know people who've been involved, whether we know it or not.

Myth #2 “Siblings don’t have sex, rather it is always that one sibling abuses another” or ”It only happens between siblings who have been abused or neglected” or “It always means they need therapy.” At the heart of this is myth is that, because of the dynamics between siblings, one sibling can’t consent to have sex with another. This ignores siblings who weren’t raised together, but even with siblings who were raised together, the claim that one can’t consent to sex with another is an unsupported assertion based on personal aversion, a personal history of abuse, ignorance, or even the absurd notion that females don’t want or enjoy sex. If an 18-year-old woman can legally consent to group sex with three male cage fighters who are strangers to her, or consent to be the mistress of a billionaire with a spouse and children, the President of the United States, or a someone who rented a room in her childhood home and was present for her entire childhood, how can we be consistent in saying that she can't consent to sex with her twin brother or sister? When it comes to minors, most family therapists don’t consider it abuse if minors close in age experiment or have sex; it is considered mutual experimentation (think teenagers who are four or fewer years apart). Abuse and sex are two different things. Sex does happen in some families. Unfortunately, so does abuse. But they aren’t the same thing. Reality: Some siblings do willingly share this at some point in their lives, and may not need therapy at all.

Myth #3. “It only happens as youthful experimentation. Adults don't do this.” While such contact is more common among siblings living together in their youth, it may continue throughout their lives or be initiated during adulthood: everything from while they’re at college to during their senior years. It can happen when siblings are introduced or reunited (Genetic Sexual Attraction,) during a time of personal discovery or experimentation, while one siblings cares for another through an illness or after an accident, during times of grieving, after a breakup or divorce or death of a spouse/lover… anytime, really. Reality: Some siblings share this throughout their lives, some starting late in life.

Myth #4 “It is unnatural.” This myth is not supported either in human history or in other species. While it is very common for people who spent their childhoods in the same residence together, whether genetically related or not, to develop a suppression of sexual attraction to each other (this has been described as the Westermarck Effect), this does not happen to everyone, and siblings who aren’t raised together are often attracted to each other; studies reveal most people are attracted to people who look like them. Reality: In many cases, nothing is more natural.

Myth #5. “It is wrong” or “It is destructive” or “It needs to be stopped” or “They won’t be able to go on to have normal lives.” Different people are going to have different moral guidelines about sex, but sibling consanguinamory is not considered wrong by everyone or all cultures. In many cases, it is advantageous compared to having the siblings involved with others. Nor is there anything inherently destructive about it, but rather some find it constructive. The only way to stop it is to have constant, direct supervision of the siblings 24/7/365. This, however, is needless. For most, the involvement is for a season and it will pass. For others, it will last a lifetime. Either way, there’s no good reason to try to stop it. The only hindrance to having a “normal life” for siblings who continue together is the bigotry of others. Reality: For some, it is the best of all possibilities, it is wonderful and constructive, and they lead perfectly normal, even unusually good lives.

Myth #6 “Only loners, losers, freaks, or ugly people do this” or “It only happens in rural, southern (in the US), poor, uneducated families.” 
Reality: Sibling consanguinamory happens in every demographic and in every part of the US and the world. There are attractive, outgoing, popular, successful, wealthy, educated people who have been, or are still involved with a sibling.

Myth #7 “If they have children, they will be deformed” or “It causes birth defects.” Incest, if it results in a birth, does not cause birth defects in and of itself. Most children born to close relatives are healthy. You know some, whether you know it or not and whether they know their own true parentage or not. Birth defects can be the result of injury during pregnancy, substances ingested during pregnancy, environmental factors, or genetic problems. It is the last one that people tend to be thinking of, usually, when they repeat this myth. That’s because when both genetic parents carry the same genetic problem, it may be demonstrated in the children. However, this can happen with parents who aren’t closely related, too. Reality: Most children born to siblings are healthy.

Myth #8 “It always ruins sibling relationships” or “A person needs a nonsexual relationship with their sibling.” Many siblings report that consaguinamory made them much closer, even if they have ceased that part of their relationship. As far as someone needing a nonsexual relationship with a sibling… that would mean that people who are only children (having no siblings) would suffer, when the studies say otherwise. Also, if someone has more than one sibling, that usually means they’ll still have a nonsexual relationship with the other. Reality: For many siblings, consanguinamory made their relationship much better, and they relate to other people better as a result.

Myth #9 “It is illegal everywhere.”
No, it isn’t. But where it is, the laws should be changed. Some people say such laws are needed to prevent societal collapse due to everyone making mutant babies with their siblings. As already explained, most children born to siblings are healthy. Even so, sibling consanguinamory and reproduction are two different things. In most places where consanguinamory is legally banned, it is entirely legal for brothers and sisters to have genetic children together through artificial insemination. It is entirely legal for someone with Huntington’s Disease to have children, even though the odds are dramatically higher than with a random pair of siblings that the children will have a debilitating disease. We can also look at places where it is legal for brothers and sisters to have sex and children together, such as Spain, Portugal, Rhode Island, and New Jersey. Has there been a crisis as a result in any of those places? (Snooki excluded.) Furthermore, the person who says anti-consanguinamory laws are needed to prevent widespread inbreeding makes it sound like everyone wants to have babies with their sibling, and the only thing holding them back is the law (perhaps there is something they want to tell us?) MOST people will not have intercourse with or marry their siblings, and even many siblings who do will not have genetic children together. Another part of this myth is that laws against consanguinamory prevent abuse. Abuse is illegal regardless of consanguinamory laws, and criminalizing consensual sex actually makes it more difficult to get victims and witnesses to cooperate in the prosecuting of abusers. Reality: Sibling consanguinamory is legal in several US states and many developed countries, but where stupid laws still apply, those unjust laws must go.

Myth #10 “Siblings don’t need the freedom to marry.” This is often augmented with “because they are already family.” But siblings who are sharing their lives as spouses often do need the same rights, benefits, and protections as any other spouses, and there’s no good reason to deny them their fundamental right to marry. Also, marriage automatically provides for next-of-kin status, which is especially important when there is some discord between one or both siblings and other siblings or their parents or grown children. For example, if brothers Adam & Steve have been living as spouses for years and Steve winds up in a coma in the hospital, their estranged, bigoted parents would likely be able to usurp Adam’s rights to make decisions. Finally, in relationships initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction, they might not be considered family under the law, although in a loathsome double-standard, they may still be subject to discriminatory laws based on their genetic relation. Reality: An adult should be free to marry any and all consenting adults.

In Conclusion


There are siblings who are together right now, providing each other love, comfort, support, or their first sexual experience in a safe and reassuring environment. The biggest problem with sibling consanguinamory seems to be the prejudice and sex-negative attitudes of others. In most cases, trying to force consanguinamorous siblings apart only makes things worse. It can be a mutually beneficial way of bonding, expressing their love for each other, learning, and discovering their sexuality; it may even be a beautiful, lifelong romance.

Let’s not let ignorance cause needless concern or repression.

For further reading:

Common Objections Answered

What Family and Friends Should Know

Case Studies of Consanguinamorous Relationships

How Common is Consensual Incest?

Why Is Incest Illegal Anywhere?

Genetic Sexual Attraction

Consensual Incest FAQ

If You Are Considering It

myths lies misconceptions the truth about real true sibling brothers sisters brother-sister sister-sister brother-brother consanguineous sex incest lovemaking love marriage


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42 comments:

  1. I wonder what the four stars mean???

    NGD

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    1. Sorry... that was meant to separate the Reality from the Myth. I fixed it.

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    2. if i have a brother who is my fathers biological son so am i but my mother is different than my brother and we have feelings for each other and ya'll interact in a romantic way is that incest

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  2. It happened between me and my brother. Why? Not because of abuse, but because we were close when younger and as we got older we fell in love. I love him, and I wish the world would accept relationships like ours. We will always be together. We have a daughter and may have more children one day. I know that we will have to explain our situation to them and help them understand, but nobody is ever going to convince me that loving my brother is wrong because I know in my heart that it is right.
    -Liz Smith

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    1. I fully agree with you!
      Kris - a loving brother of a loving sister

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    2. I hope one day your love can be accepted.

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    3. Love is love. All the best

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  3. I had a relationship with my half brother. It was love.

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    1. Thank you, Anonymous. If you haven't done so already, I invite you to contact me via email if you'd like to talk about it more.

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    2. Its sad that you would have been judged for that relationship. Consenting adults should be able to love who they want to love.

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  4. The only science on your side is this idea that people are attracted to others that look like them. The study did not, however, display pictures of siblings, while the studies on the Westermarck Effect have dealt with this issue implicitly.

    "Reality: For many siblings, consanguinamory made their relationship much better, and they relate to other people better as a result." do you have any scientific backing for this assertion, or this one: "Reality: In many cases, nothing is more natural."

    i understand the crusade for marriage equality, but i am pro gun control. How are they related? Guns cause murder. Not guns alone, but look it up. It happens. And murder is bad right. we agree as a culture that murder is bad. but gun lobbyist want us to ignore that face of gun ownership. So lets say incest is bad, but marriage equality advocates, wouldnt they want us to ignore that.

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    1. Anonymous, thanks for your comment. That's not the only science on our side, but showing people pictures of their siblings after they've been conditioned for years to suppress any attraction to them would hardly be a fair study, would it?

      As to your second paragraph, what kind of "scientific backing" would there be? Two important facts: 1) These people exist with these experiences and 2) There is no rational reason to discriminate against them or bully them.

      Finally, your third paragraph... no, I do not agree that consensual sex is bad.

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    2. There's no "science" for the other side either. The subject is barely understood, even when it comes to rape and abuse within families. No one knows what genes are involves, why sometimes certain psychological mechanisms "fail", etc. The fact that we've collected case studies, personal stories, and have conversed with such people makes us better equipped than most "scientists" to talk about the subject. If that seems like a low standard, it should. That's the point. The evidence against is at least as weak.

      Besides, only in the past decade or so have positive studies about homosexuality started to come out. When there's enough of a drive to tar a group of people, only research which perpetuates negative stereotypes will be pursued, and any questions which might lead to refutations will be ignored and left unanswered.

      So far, all the research has been on why people chose not to have sex with a family member, or to a much lesser extent why people rape family members. Social scientists currently only care about sexual abuse, and how "incest" taboos are constructed.

      Not that those aren't important topics, but they're only one half of the picture, and actually, by leaving out consenting adults, they're skewing their own research. How can sexually abusive families be understood without understanding sexually compassionate families? How can "incest" taboos be understood without understanding why people would violate them in the first place? Why have a taboo for something no-one ever wants to do? And trust me, no per-industrial society ever conceived of its taboo as serving the protection of abused children. They always perceived it as relating to sexually developed people choosing to have sex. (For one, rape was not as verboten.)

      Jumping all over "science" is a red herring. We do have science on our side. There just isn't a lot of science, generally, for either side, so it doesn't look as impressive as one might hope. That's a problem to be solved, not an inherent weakness.

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    3. "Guns cause murder."

      Cause?

      This word you use. I do not think it means what you think it means.

      If the gun had never been invented, and therefore did not exist, those with murder in their hearts would find another tool to MISUSE, as many of them do already.

      You want to blame an object instead of the person misusing. Makes about as much sense as trying to ban Toyotas to end drunk driving.

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  5. What bothers me is that some governments take children away from their parents if they are the product of sibling incest. I think that some long held belief is overshadowing the well being of these children, who by all accounts, are healthy and well adjusted with both parents.

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  6. I support marriage rights for siblings, provided they are both consenting adults, and there is no power relationship (eg. One raised the other).

    I dont think its abnormal by nature, but it is abnormal by societal standards. I think this could change over time, just like interrace marriage and same sex marriage.

    Its so sad that we can't choose to love who we want to love.

    I also support polygamy for the same reason.

    Unfortunately I feel like I cant voice my support for fear of being torn apart.

    Yes I have a brother. No I am not sexually attracted to him.

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  7. You know there are billions of people out there, and what you call love is simply brain chemistry that can actually be reproduced towards someone that isn't your sibling? Not very romantic, but, true. The biggest factor in prohibiting such relationships is genetics.

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    1. So you'd be just fine if the lovers were sterile or same-sex then, right?

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    2. Why do you care if they don't hurts anybody? Who are you to tell them who to love? Some people only feel romantic/sexual feelings to their relatives.

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  8. My Sister and I both exercised our curiosities for sex with each other as children for a short period. It was mutually exciting for us but afterwards felt guilty enough to never mention it with each other so it became a buried secret. The experience however had seemed to bolster our confidence in other relationships as we grew through adolescence. It wasn't until 40 years later, with a mature outlook, that it was ever brought up again. We both recognize it as part of a joy-full time in our lives and now for the last few years have taken annual trips together. Hard to explain but I don't think that this kind of connection can be made with any other person

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    1. Anonymous, thanks for sharing that. I'd like to hear from you privately, so if you haven't already done so, please write me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com. Thanks!

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  9. we are concenting adult siblings 50/ 35 & are looking for similar couples
    meenanegi768@gmail.com

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  10. My sister and I grew up in a home with a lot of emotional neglect and we turned to each other for emotional support. We used to snuggle together because no one else was showing us any affection. She had a lot of difficulty in school and some thought she had minor mental retardation. It turned out she was dyslexic and I would read to her. I was very protective of her. We used to kiss and touch each other in bed, but we never had full-out intercourse. When she was 12, she discovered boys would pay attention to her and then she had little time for me. When she was 16 and was held back a second time from school, she dropped out and moved in with her boyfriend. By then, I had graduated and enlisted in the Air Force. She worked as a stripper and a bartender and was in rehab several times. One night in my late 20s, she called me on the phone while she was drunk and told me that I was the only person whoever really loved her and she wished she could marry me. I told her I loved her very much. Part of me wished I could marry her as well, though I didn't tell her that. She eventually became born again and she stopped communicating with me. I haven't spoken to her in over 20 years although I know she is still alive. Sometimes, I dream that we both are teens again and making love and I wake up crying.

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  11. i had it with my brother when i was 14 & he was 17 yes curious maybe. until we did it as often as we could without anyone knowing it for almost 5 years. he moved interstate & eventually our sexual relationship fade away though at first we did it whenever he visit home. we both moved on he got married & so i did until about 2 years ago we reconnected again after he lost his wife whilst i had my divorce 2 years earlier. he still lives in another state but we managed to get connected whenever. i love my brother and it's only with him i trust everything and i know the same way with him to me. hope one day we'll moved in together and be happy. all i can say sibling incest is not necessarily involve in abuse and coersion our situation is consensual & mutual.

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    1. Congratulations on your love. If you haven't done so already, please write me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com

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  12. I met my half sister earlier this year we had a immediate connection and although I have other half sibling (8 children from 3 different mothers) our relationship with each other is stronger than with any other relationships we have. Our relationship became sexual recently and we love it I have never felt closer to any other human being because I know she loves me and I love her We get each other

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    1. Congrats on your love. If you haven't done so already please site me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com

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  13. I wish there was a community for couples like us we would move there in a heartbeat because even with changes in the law member's of the gay/lesbian/transgender community still face discrimination and harassment

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    1. I have been thinking of that since a very long time ago. It would be better for all Consensual Incest Couples like us to have an own place instead of living in worries and fear to face dumb head societies. Crime never has an ending but these people are so worried of our love life, after all we love an opposite gender which is by right should be fine unlike like those gays and transsexuals getting engage with same gender. That is totally wrong which against the Universal Law. I wish it more like a country on its own, where any type of consensual incest couples are legally welcomed.

      Wish we all could live a very happy normal incest life like everyone does without being fear of shame.

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  14. You all are so sick and perverted!

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    1. Thanks for that detailed and intellectually stimulating contribution.

      http://marriage-equality.blogspot.com/2014/06/consanguinamory-is-not-sick.html

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  15. Our father passed away when we were young. I have three sisters, one brother, our mother. I was only ever attracted to my oldest sister, the eldest of us all, six years older than me, and attracted to her almost all of my life. Having no father, only a mother, we were a close family. After years of hinting and suggesting to her, I was able to coax her into bed with me for the first time a few days before I left for military basic training, we used her bed. I spent four years in the military and we wrote to each other mostly every day. While I was gone, she met the man that she married, loves still, has three happy and healthy children with as far as he and anyone else knows, but two, her oldest and youngest were fathered by me and not by accident. Her marriage didn't stop us from writing and my letters being open love letters to her PO Box. When I out processed from the military, our entire family and friends knew that I was getting out and coming home, just not when. Only she knew when exactly and she spent a lot of time in bed making love with me in my hotel room over a period of four days that no one ever figured out or knows about still today. After those days, I simply went to the airport and called around to our family, acting as though I had just arrived home. That was nearly twenty years ago and she and I still find time to go to bed together to strengthen our sibling bond through incestuous lovemaking.

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    1. I am 54 yrs old and sooo want to make love with two of my sisters, aged 51 and 50.I have had fantasies about them for many years.

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    2. True love is ready to sacrifice to the point of no gain at all..... imagine a law that permits father's right over his daughter sexually because he has nurtured fed and brought her to full womanhood.... YOU may find it justifiable...but most father's don't .... Why because they can Experience a difference in such a feeling .... which is True love to the point of sacrifice.... same goes with your sister .... Understand this that there is an Experience called lust and another called love

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  16. Hi there! As a practising Transformational Conversationalist (Life Coach), I have been pondering these questions of Ethical Sexuality and Intimacy between individuals. You have most certainly contributed in a meaningful way to my own ruminations. Thank-you! Much appreciated! Brian

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  17. I have been searching for information on the routine process of incest where it is legal, especially in Spain, Portugal, the Netherlands and Japan.
    is genetic counselling readily available to couples seeking it? other types of counselling?
    what is the incidence of birth defects relative to normally healthy children?
    how do relationships take place..is there the normal western fumbling and overcoming of ingrained religious taboo?

    i a son finds his mother attractive and wants to explore possibilities is it normal now to approach her openly, without fear of shocked reaction and angry repulsion. are mothers now so aware of such possibilities that if it does happen they deal with it matter of fact whether they concede to their son's wishes or not.
    we hear and read or see little to nothing of what is happening in countries where incest is legal. it would surely help here to have examples of what can happen socially when incest is legal

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  18. Brother/sister incest is natural and should be legal. Same gender sexual relationships of any kind are disgusting and the most unnatural thing there is. Those who think otherwise have very serious mental illness.

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    1. This is an interesting view I don't hear a lot. Considering more places are more according of gay relationships than sibling, it's not going to help the cause of siblings to take such a stance. Solidarity is what is needed. More importantly, though, is that nothing is automatically wrong about any consenting adults being together.

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  19. My two sisters and I are in our 50s and get together at least once a week for a night of sex. Our spouses are aware and encourage our closeness.

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    1. Congrats. I'd like to discuss this further. Please contact me privately at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

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  20. I got to see my transgender brother after a long time apart. We went to a wedding and he stuck by me the whole time. I'm not sexually attracted to my brother. Being asexual I'm not attracted to anybody, and he himself is demisexual. But we spent the whole trip together with me wrapped around his arm. He took me dancing. We sang goofy songs together. He led my sober self out of a sea of drunks, even being drunk himself, because he noticed how uncomfortable I was. He took me to a sex shop and poked fun at me as he helped me buy my first sex toy, not even questioning my need for one as an asexual who isn't sex repulsed. He still acted as my goofy sibling, but it was the first time anyone has acted so gentlemanly towards me besides my best friend. It made me feel worthwhile for the first time in years. I don't love my sibling romantically. But I can see how two siblings could fall in love. And I'm glad to have a brother who cares for me enough to treat me like a real lady.

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To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

If you want to write to me privately, then either contact me on Facebook, email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com, or tell me in your comment that you do NOT want it published. Otherwise, anything you write here is fair game to be used in a subsequent entry. If you want to be anonymous, that is fine.

IT IS OK TO TALK ABOUT SEX IN YOUR COMMENTS, BUT PLEASE CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY AS I WANT THIS BLOG TO BE AS "SAFE FOR WORK" AS POSSIBLE. If your comment includes graphic descriptions of activity involving minors, it's not going to get published.