Consanguinamorous Youth

This blog is about equal rights for consenting adults.

But what about legal minors? It is dangerous to ignore that many legal minors experiment, explore, and get affectionate. I'm talking about age peers. I'm also addressing young people who have feelings for a parent, aunt, uncle, or other significantly older relative. If an older person is coercing you, or messing with you while you (try to) sleep, that's NOT what this is about. Don't let anyone abuse you!

Much of this entry on how consanguinamorous people can protect themselves is relevant, as can this entry on living together.

This essay is a result of someone anonymous contacting this blog's sister Tumblr to describe a situation he had experienced in his life and to ask if there are any resources to help people who are currently in the position he'd been in so many years ago.

A subsequent message was from a teacher who had to report minors who've revealed their experiences with consanguineous sex, due to mandatory reporting laws that apply to people in certain jobs.

What do you do if you're in a consanguineous relationship or you think you have a consanguinamorous orientation, but you're under the age of consent or not a legal adult?

Please note: Most of this entry is going to be strictly about how things are and practical situations, not about the morality of any given situation or actions. While we welcome all adults and anyone struggling due to prejudice against their gender identity, sexual orientation, or relationships, this entry is NOT endorsing or advocating underage sex or anything else illegal.



It is very important to remember that no matter how mature you feel or are, legal minors (people who are not yet legal adults in age) do not have the same freedoms and legal standing as adults. Unless emancipated, minors are the responsibility of their parent(s) or guardian(s), who have almost complete control over their life, even if some of those parents or guardians voluntarily provide wide freedoms and obligations to a minor. One bad thing about being a legal minor is that you do not have the same freedoms and powers as an adult. The good thing is that you’re likely to grow out of being a minor in a year or a few!

Practically speaking, even if you're a legal adult, if you're living in your parent's residence and/or financially dependent on your parent(s), you still have to deal with what they want, to some extent. Unless your parents are rarely home and/or are or would be supportive, moving out sooner rather than later might be the best thing for your relationship(s).

Minors in these situations, such as siblings, have two sets of the laws to consider: 1) age of consent; 2) anticonsanguinamory.

Age of consent: Laws vary from country to country and, in the US, from state to state as far as when someone is considered old enough to consent to sex. In the US, the age may be 18, 17, or 16. However, some states have "Romeo and Juliet" provisions in their laws that do not criminalize sex between a legal minor and someone else who is within a certain age.

Incest: While it is great to have laws against abuse (assault, molestation, etc.), "incest" laws in many countries and most US states still, unjustly, criminalize consanguinamory even though there is no good reason to. A handful of states criminalize sex between even ADULT first cousins, so minors are out of luck in those states, and it is similar for siblings in the 47 states that criminalize sex between adult siblings as well as adult uncles/aunts and adult nieces/nephews.


What Is Your Situation?

I Want To Get Involved/I Already Am Involved With A Parent or Other Older Relative - Again, if you're being pressured at all to do something you don't want, or you know you're not ready for this, tell adults who can help. They might be a parent, another relative, a friend's parent, a school counselor, or a therapist. On the other hand, if you want to be doing this and understand the potential consequences and responsibilities and know that you can say "no" or "yes" and your decisions will be honored by the older person(s), and you understand and respect consent for both yourself and others, nobody can stop you from engaging in this if they don't know about it. If law enforcement (or any mandatory reporter, such as a doctor, nurse, therapist, teacher, school counselor, etc.) found out, the older person(s) would likely be criminally prosecuted no matter if you initiated and insist you wanted it and enjoyed it. Under the law, the older person is required to decline your requests or advances; you aren't considered mature or empowered enough to consent. Continue reading below for some of the other risks that are involved.


You’re Attracted, But “Nothing’s Happened” - Whether you’re consanguinamorous in orientation , meaning you are primarily attracted to one or more close relatives exclusively or much more than anyone outside of your family, or you simply happen to have romantic or erotic feelings for one or more family members, if you haven't acted on those feelings, it would be safer for you not to. Some wait. Some don't, because even if they recognize the possible risks and complications and generally respect the law, the hormones and raging and the opportunity to bond and learn seems too good to delay.

You’ve Gotten Together

If you've gotten together, here are the relevant questions:

1) Is one of you pregnant?
2) Does anyone know that you have been sexually affectionate with each other?

   a) Have you outed against your will?
   b) Have you been caught in the act?
   c) Have you been ratted out to law enforcement?

If neither of those things (pregnancy or someone else knowing) have happened, it would be best they not for as long as you’re dependent on someone else, but especially if you’re a legal minor. If one of you has a working testicle and another of you has a working ovary and uterus, it can happen. All it takes is one sperm cell to reach one ovum, and that can happen without intercourse. There are many forms of contraception with various failure rates and various potential side effects/risks, including “Plan B,” which can be taken after intercourse or other sexual activity, and clinics, including clinics at some schools, can supply some of them.

Pregnancy

If there is a pregnancy, the legally allowed options, depending on where you live, include abortion, adoption (public and private), “safe surrender,” and raising the child. There are difficulties with any path and any choice can be very tough.

Three things to consider: 1) Raising a child changes everything and takes time, effort, and money. Depending on where you live, there are programs both public and private for the pregnant, as well as for infants, young children, and struggling parents. 2) Children are used as evidence of crime in cases of consanguinamory. 3) There is an increased, but still minority, risk of serious genetic problems.

Safe surrender laws are extremely helpful for someone who decides not to raise a child but doesn’t undergo an abortion. It means going through with the entire pregnancy, but since these laws allow you to hand over the newborn with no obligations or incrimination, it provides a legal way to avoid certain negative risks and consequences. In the US, different states have different laws; some will be more favorable to you than others, and it may be worth it to travel, even temporarily, to another state. Safe surrender leads to adoption, but unlike other forms of adoption, nobody has to know your names/identities.

A family law attorney can arrange for a private adoption. Attorneys (lawyers) are considered officers of the courts, so you should NOT tell an attorney you are breaking the law on an ongoing basis, or plan to break the law.

Since pregnancy can happen without intercourse (for example, semen transfers from a finger, sex toy, or even a turkey baster), it isn't irrefutable proof of consanguineous/underage intercourse, but some states have criminalized some of those other possibilities, too, and law enforcement may still proceed as though the pregnancy/resulting child is conclusive proof of criminal intercourse.

Outed

A pregnancy can out you. But there are other ways to be outed, including someone (especially someone hostile) finding text or images, or being an ear or eye witness to something. Please note that images/video of someone under the age of 18, depending on what's going on in the images or video could be a violation of federal and state laws.

Unfortunately, if you’ve been ratted out to law enforcement, you may be tried as an adult even though the law says you’re too young to consent to sex. Even without a criminal prosecution, law enforcement and/or social workers might force you to live apart, undergo counseling, and do other things you might not like. If at all possible, it would be best to have a good attorney representing you in such matters, and of course that is a whole lot easier if parents or guardians are willing to pay good money for one, which some might be willing to do even if they do not support the relationship. An attorney might suggest moving from one county to another or from one state to another (as the matter will typically be a county or state issue), but without an attorney advising you move, be very careful because there could be federal laws that will then come into play.

More people are outed to parents than ever prosecuted, and that can still be a problem, especially if the parents are prejudiced, repressive, or otherwise abusive. While some parents abuse their children by molesting them, or notice the sex appeal of their teen even if doing so make them feel guilty, other parents hate to think of their child, even their adult children, as sexual. So, finding out their children are having sex with each other or young aunt/uncle or a cousin can be especially upsetting, even more so if they find out by catching them in the act. Even understanding parents with no prejudice may take it as a shock. Parents may blame one person more the the other(s), depending on ages, genders, established dynamics, and many other factors.


Nobody Knows (Except Maybe Trustworthy Allies)

If none of the above has happened, then it is probably best to keep it that way for the time being. You may decide to come out (at least to a few people) later.

If you think you may be consanguinamorous as an orientation, it would probably best to hold off on announcing that until you've moved out or are able to.


Whatever is going on or not, you may want to date outside the family.


Make Plans to Move Out as Soon As Practical

Young relatives can share a new residence without raising eyebrows. So unless your parents are rarely around and/or are supportive, or are the people you're involved with, it would be best to ensure some privacy, even if all you can afford is a room in someone else's house or a small apartment. Depending on the likelihood of a landlord or roommates interacting with people who know of your relation, you might even be able to live as lovers.


Possible Ways to Find Help or More Information

It isn't easy for a minor who is consanguinamorous to find help. That's what inspired this essay in the first place.

Depending on the state, some people (such as teachers and health care professionals, for example) are “mandatory reporters,” meaning if they hear about someone under the age of consent having sex in general or consanguineous sex specifically, they must/will report it, just like they have to report suspected abuse. They may call it abuse and say that is why they had to report it.

Below I’ll list several organizations that are generally sex-positive and may provide some assistance, but IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER that I have no indication that these organizations or individuals in them aren’t hostile to consanguinamory and no assurance that they won't report you if you tell them you're having (consanguinamorous) sex.

You might want to approach these professionals and organizations cautiously, insisting you're talking about a hypothetical situation, or doing research, or "asking for a friend" (which people see right through, but still.) Avoid admitting YOU are having sex even if they clearly believe you are. I guarantee that anyone who has worked in such a capacity for a while has heard from other minors who are involved.

• Attorneys, especially family law or criminal law attorneys (some attorneys specialize in exactly those two areas) can be very helpful to consult.
  
• There are various online forums geared towards teens, including some with a focus on relationships and sexuality. The best such forums will tend to exclude participation from adults who aren't administrators, moderators, or contributors so that predators can't use them to get access to you.
   
• Planned Parenthood 
• National Coalition for Sexual Freedom
• The Center for Sex-Positive Culture
• Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance
   
• Sexuality Information and Education Council of the United States (SIECUS)
  
  If you're LGBTQ:
• Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network
•  Gay-Straight Alliance Network

Can You Help?

If anyone reading this knows of organizations, professionals (therapists, counselors, lawyers, etc.) or forums who/that are “safe” for minors who are (considering) engaging in consanguineous sex to consult, please comment below (you can do so anonymously) or send an email to fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com