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Saturday, December 23, 2023

Why Do I Feel This Way?


Has anything like these ever happened to you?
  • You wake from from an erotically charged dream, feeling strange or confused because it featured a close relative or family member.

  • You're close to orgasm, whether you're alone or with at least one other person, and thoughts of a relative pop into your head, taking you to climax.

  • You've found yourself admiring your relative "a little too much," whatever the setting or occasion.

If you have experienced anything like any of those, you're not alone. This is more common than many people think, because far more people have such thoughts than will admit to most people they know.

If we're talking about someone who recently came (back) into your life and you, they, or the both of you were essentially raised through childhood apart, then it could be reunion GSA, which is very common in such situations. See this page for more information. Most of this entry also applies to you, but is more focused on people who were always in each other's life, or for the most part have been.

Is It Normal?



Are sexual dreams with relatives or family members normal? Yes.

Is it normal to have fantasies or thoughts of getting together with a close relative or family member?  Yes.

Is it normal to think of a close relative or family member in a sexual or romantic way? Yes.

Is it normal to have feelings or crushes for a close relative or family member?
Yes.


By "normal" we mean that there isn't necessarily anything wrong with you for having these thoughts and feelings and that they are very common, so much so that you know many other people who've had these thoughts and feelings, whether they've told you or not.

What Does It Mean?

You can have the above experiences without actually wanting to have sex. If the only thing you've noticed are dreams, then it might be that the dreams are only symbolic, not that you actually want to get sexual with your family member. There is also the possibility that the dreams are revealing to you latent desires, especially if you have waking feelings or thoughts and especially if the dreams, thoughts, or feelings are persistent.

In addition to any of the above sounding familiar to you, there are other possible signs you want to be with this person or these people as more than just family:
  • You enjoy being around them and doing things with them. This might include evenings/weekends together at home or going out together in what might look like a date in the view of stranger, taking trips and vacations together, etc.
  • You enjoy their scent, whether their hair or their cologne/perfume or any scent associated with them
  • You enjoy touching them and touch them more than you touch other people; you might even look for excuses to touch them and be close to them, even to do something like tickle them
  • When out on a date or with friends, you wish this/these family members were with you or you feel like you'd rather be home with them
  • You're envious of their dates, especially if you think you'd treat your family member(s) better or they are dating beneath their status/quality
  • The people you date or find most attractive resemble or remind people of your family member(s)
  • You seem to be attracted to their friends (this, like previous one, can be seen as displacement)
  • You want to want to hear about their dates/love life, whether from them or their partners (dating them vicariously)

These are just some signs, not an exhaustive checklist. If you don't recognize any of them in you, you might still have an attraction but if you do recognize any of those in you, especially combined with the erotic feelings and thoughts, then you likely have a serious attraction to your family members(s). The more you identify with these statements, the more likely you've uncovering the truth that you are attracted and you do want to have sex, or at least be romantic, with them.

Accept That You Are Attracted to Them


Does that worry, bother, or confuse you? As you no doubt know, and what may be troubling you, is that some people are completely averse to the thought of their family members, or, to be more precise, anyone raised together in the same home with them, as a sexual partner. That is because they are experiencing what is called the Westermarck Effect. However, not everybody raised together experiences this, or at least not strongly enough to suppress attractions to all in/from the home. People who weren't raised together don't experience this effect. And so while a taboo exists in many places when it comes to acting on these feelings, and many people at least partially internalize such prejudices, many people do act on them anyway.

What Do You Do Now?

Should you act on it? That depends a lot on your personal situation. This might help you decide.


Whether you pursue sex or a love life with another consenting adult should be entirely between you and that person. It is possible to have a mutual sexual attraction and to discuss having sex without actually doing it. There is no good reason why people shouldn't have their rights to such relationships, but you might personally decide it is best not to pursue a sexual relationship with a certain person. Sometimes, it is better to leave a fantasy as a fantasy.

"Why Am I Feeling This Way?"

Attractions can be complicated. You've seen people who have been head over heels in love with each other and you just don't get it, yourself, haven't you? Someone might tell you that you just need to get out more and meet other people. If you're young and inexperienced, they might be right. But on the flip side, maybe the reason you don't have other love interests is because you want this this person or these people more. There are also polyamorous or otherwise ethically nonmonogamous people who do have other love interests and sex partners and still have these desires for a consanguineous connection. It could be as simple as your crush being extremely attractive in general. Some studies indicate that most people are attracted to people who look like them.


You could be attracted to this person and that person just happens to be a relative. It is also possible that you have a consanguinamorous orientation, especially if people who aren't closely related seem to generate little spark for you.

A Note To Survivors of Abuse

Abuse victims do sometimes have these thoughts, but it isn't at all true that someone is only going to have these thoughts if they were abused. Quite the opposite can be true. Someone might have these sexual thoughts because this family member is so kind and loving, so protective and nurturing in contrast to the abuser. Also, it is possible for someone who was abused by one relative to have healthy feelings for another relative, just as someone who was abused by a supposed friend can have healthy feelings for a true friend.

See Jane's  Essay on Self-Realization
See Jane's Essay on Feelings of Guilt

See Also:

Consanguinamory FAQ
Let Dad Have His Fantasies
A Message to Family and Friends

You are also welcome to contact Keith at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or on Facebook to discuss these topics further.

You can find others who've had the same feelings at Kindred Spirits.
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15 comments:

  1. Well, I am obsessed with this subject. Over the last 40 years the romantic thoughts about my mom and sisters have never left me. I have read a countless amount of literature in the meantime and have over the years convinced that the sexual relationship between consenting adults is, in my opinion, the best.
    However, have I acted upon my desire? Cuddled and caressed a cousin of mine and she was not objecting. But I went away to a different town before I could take it to a different level and our lives took a different course. But even now, when we meet at any family gatherings, our eyes grope each other silently. Still waiting for a chance!

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    1. I too am kind obsessed with the emergence of the incest issue. I have not been involved in incest myself, not even close... but in time the subject has come to interest me greatly.

      I dont think I need to have an opinion pro or con as such. the people will decide this as they do all such matters, issues and general subjects. the issues came about from the people so the people decide by their action and behavior.

      and at this time it looks like the people wll decide in favor of incest and will force legal marriage at some point soon enough. incest as an on-going behavior is legal over most of the world already

      the people will siply do it if they want want, by constantly increasing numbers.

      the people appear to want to to do this, are doing it..and they will overwhelm the governments. then the governments will legalize marriage..and incest where it is not already legal. the governments will try to make it look like they were not pre empted at all.. that they decided the issue and gave it to the people...when in fact it would have been the people who by their behavior had settled the matter

      prompted by the Rothschild woman on 'Gross Secience' I began to dig into inbreeding and found an aspect of the coverage which began to really irritat me: the constant repetition of paired similar genes from both closely related parents would cause genetic defects of all kinds in babies of closely related parents

      while that seems certainly true its the imparting of inevitability of such development that irks me.


      as far as I know such pairing defect can be detected before any pregnancy takes place by simple genetic testing.. and so avoid pregnancy altogether by any pair so genetically compromised

      there does not appear to be any inevitability in this issue at all, should the right carebe taken to ensure pregnancies between related people have positive outcomes

      I may be wrong but yet...why the illogical, fearful, seemingly intended negative impression by in-the-know people in the inbreeding debate?

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  2. why are people still using the term incest? how about replacing incest with consanguinamory?

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  3. I cannot thank you enough for writing this. Reading through the lines I not only found myself, but understood what was going on as well. This helped me more than a therapy session and I feel as though a massive weight has been lifted. You are a kind soul and I am grateful for the gift of relief you have bestowed upon me.

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    1. You are quite welcome. Anonymous. If you haven't done so already, please feel free to reach out to me via email fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or via Wire messaging, where I'm fullmarriageequality

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  4. Love and incest are the most important things in my life, I had a sexual relationship with my Mother for over 20 yrs no regrets ever, miss her. Now with daughter for the past five, have had many approximately 8 other family relationships.

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    1. How wonderful! I'd like to discuss this further with you. Please email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com

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    2. Very lucky.Most agreed to be lovers instead of turning down the other or making a big issue.

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  5. I no longer feel ashamed about what I feel for my sister.At 52 I have finally accepted my romantic and sexual feelings towards her.These feelings developed during the last few years of her horrible first marriage. That was about 21 years ago.After her first divorce.She did flirt with me.Yet,nothing was done.Neither one of us acted on it.Now she is getting a second divorce.Her relationship with her second husband ended badly too.We had a nice Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant.I felt she was somewhat touchy feelly.She mentioned that people should two adults should have the right to be sexually involved with each other.Despite society's predujices.These was referring to her friend's lesbian daughter. Yet I felt she meant for consensual incest too.I also mentioned that maybe she should move to another state.SHE stated that her soulmate lives in our state and smiled.It's hard to tell what she meant by this or by lightly kicking me unnder the table with her stocking foot.She is 50 years old with two failed marriages.I just hope she accepts her attraction to me and shows me more positive signs.That will lead her to act upon it.Presently,SHE is alone without love and romance.Iam not really sure even if she did date a new guy.He could love her the way I would.I just want to meet all her needs,desires,hopes,and dreams.I just want to amaze my sister.to give her the best life has to offer. I FEEL NOTHING WOULD BE COMPARABLE FOR US THAN HAVING EACH OTHER.well that is my story.I just wish this was not so taboo and so very complicated.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Sounds like she is giving you signals. Date her, preferably in private, at home. Set up a nice romantic evening for her so you two can cuddle together and watch a nice movie that won’t be a turn-off. Compliment her. Flirt with her. You can email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com to discuss this further.

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    2. Yes,I think so.Very subtle though.Getting together to hang out to hang out.IS possible. I is just her these days.Yet going to her place is not.She still lives in the same residance with her separated husband.It is all a very slow and complicated progress.Even the complimenting and flirting even slower.It really is up to her.If it happens.I hope it does.I will keep you updated.Thanks

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  6. I think most of us have had thoughts and desires for family but unfortunately many people are not brave enough to act on these thoughts and that is why sites like this blog are so important. My thoughts have been purely sexual in regards to my mother and sister. I personally wouldn't want to be with them, like a couple, but would love to have sex with them.

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  7. I dealt with a lot of these feelings early on in my relationship..a lot of self-doubt and unhealed trauma from my youth. im fortunate to have worked through it. not all are so lucky

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To prevent spam, comments will have to be approved, so your comment may not appear for several hours. Feedback is welcome, including disagreement. I only delete/reject/mark as spam: spam, vulgar or hateful attacks, repeated spouting of bigotry from the same person that does not add to the discussion, and the like. I will not reject comments based on disagreement, but if you don't think consenting adults should be free to love each other, then I do not consent to have you repeatedly spout hate on my blog without adding anything to the discourse.

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