Monday, June 6, 2011

Would You Date a Polyamorist?

At the advice discussion area of matchmaking site, BabyYoda from Inland Empire, CA asked

Would you date someone who was curious in polyamory?

For me, the answer is of course. I am experienced in this area and it has worked, and is working, well.

mitchell175 from Boston, MA had an answer that many other people echoed…

No. I expect complete monogamy with any partner with whom I am in a committed

I have no problem with that; it would be nice is more monogamists were likewise accepting of polyamorists.


No. I am self-aware enough to know that I am incapable of experiencing compersion. That may be a character flaw. I don't care.

Ingytravel from Virginia…

Yep...I have lots of empathy and joy...just not for this...not my type of deal...but to each his/her own....(and their

jayjay of Brownsville, TX…

Is a polyamorous relationship be just another way to say a non-monogamous relationship?

This is a common question. The answer is that polyamory is one form of nonmonogamy, but not the only form.

Jlabontejr has recently become open to polyamory…

Yes. At the beginning of 2010 it would have been a resounding unquestionable, no.

I did a great deal of dating in the last 18 months and my perspective on many things has changed. That lifestyle would have been unacceptable to me before but if this street was paved in both directions, so to speak, I would be ok with it.

PreachersSon of Oklahoma City, OK…

Not. In. This. Lifetime. (Or any other, for that matter.)

Why? If you have to ask the question, you wouldn't understand the answer.

This kind of answer is a bad one. I think most polyamorists are capable of understanding that some people want a mutually monogamous relationship.


Yes, I have and would again in the right situation. I'm also often willing to be monogamous for the right person in the right situation, but it's a lot more work.

Upstategirl of Upstate New York…

My cousin is friends with a "tri-couple" and from what she tells me, they are all very happy together and have been together for several years......

Seeing can be understanding.

TheThinker of The Island of Rhode…

The new PC term...for horndog

Such narrow-minded dismissals reveal much about the dismisser.

mitchell175 returns…

Yeah. I wonder how many of these "horndogs" would be equally happy if their girl was also "polyamorous"?

Plenty of us.

PreachersSon returned to explain that he always is prejudiced against others…

I don't go for polyamory, homosexuality, multidating--heck, I don't even believe in living together before marriage! I mean, if it doesn't involve one man, and one woman, who meet up, fall in love, get married, and stay that way--it's not for me. So, someone who would think that kind of stuff is fine is coming from such a different place, they'd think I came from a different planet.

So, like I said, if you have to ask why someone would reject that stuff, you probably don't have the frame of reference to do anything but dismiss me out of hand.(Not underestimating you in particular BY, since you seemed to be trying to spark the discussion.) So, while they would pride themselves on being "openminded", they are usually close minded toward people who don't agree with them. Just sayin'.

I fully support PreacherSon’s freedom to live the way he describes. Would he do the same for others?

boschimsp attempts to explain…

To me it's slightly different because you could be in a non-monogamous relationship that's more of an open relationship. But polyamorous to me says that the relationship isn't open in a sense because although you are seeing more than one person, my understanding is you are not openly seeking people outside those attachments and that if anyone new who comes into the picture, you bring it up to the person/other people you are seeing first.

Within polyamory there's polyfidelity, but there are polycules in which at least one of the participants has either a limited or full green light to date others. Polyamory simply means at least one of the participants can date, have sex with, or otherwise love more than one person on a concurrent, ongoing basis with the agreement of all involved.

This wouldn't work for me. To be perfectly blunt, I'm not sure I'm secure enough for it. Already I find jealousy toward exes creeping up from time to time and these are people who aren't in the picture; I cannot imagine how I would feel if I knew my partner was already in love and intimate with someone else at the same time. I'm not naive and do believe it's reasonable that someone could love more than one person at a time.

Thank you! Matchmaking sites should allow for polyamory.
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