Monday, June 6, 2011

A Mother Explains Her Polycule and Polyamory

Over at the community, momtectural posted an FAQ about polyamory.

How does it differ from polygamy?

In the simplest terms, polygamy is non-mutual. There is one person married to multiple other people, who know of each other's existence but are not involved with one another. Polyamory is mutual.

I define polygamy as marriage. Some polyamorists are involved in polygamy, some aren’t.

You have two partners? How does that work?

The same as a monogamous relationship, except that there are three of us instead of two of us. We live together, we split bills, chores, childcare. We go on dates, both as a unit and as separate couples. We are pretty boring. We bicker over who gets to fold the laundry. We hold hands. We tease each other. We sleep in the same bed. Etc.

How do you have sex?

Most commonly we engage in triad sex. A threesome. Sometimes we have partnered monogamous sex. Sometimes we masturbate. but we like it better when all three of us are involved.

There are polycules in which sex is only between two people at a time.

What are your sexual orientations?

Matthew and I are bisexual. JA is gay, but i am his exception.

Do you love one of them more than the other?

The simple answer is "no". Sometimes I do feel more affection for one than the other, because they pissed me off or did something favorable or whatever. But no, there is no power imbalance here.

Are you married to any of them?

Until we can have a triad marriage we will remain unmarried. We are having a commitment ceremony in 2012.

They should have their right to marry.

What if you break up?

Then we break up. We've written agreements as to what will happen to our property and our child and have them notarized. We are not planning on breaking up any more than any other married unit plans on breaking up, however.

Thank you for that.

TennilleA, George_Sand, LuluRuRu, and arctat were all supportive in their responses.

Addictedtwo wrote…

We are three people between 56 and 69 years of age in a tripartite polyamorous relationship. It can work for anyone - provided all parties are mature enough.

It can work, it does work, and they should have that freedom without being bullied or denied their freedom to marry.
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