Virtual Stepsiblings Keep Love a Secret

Daniel J. Tomasulo (PhD, TEP, MFA) puts a woman at ease over “incest” fears.

About 4 years ago my mom met a man after leaving an abusive husband. The man (her boyfriend now) has a son who is only a few months younger than me. Ever since we met the first time we clicked. We never intentionally did anything but it happened and we found ourselves falling for each other. I’ve had issues with trust and abandonment and he knew how to make me feel better without even knowing of my issues. We bring the best out in each other. (not that we haven’t had problems). Our relationship has grown over the years and I know for sure I’m in love and have no interest in anyone else. We’ve talked and he says he loves me as well and we have had a steady relationship since January.

How wonderful. So many people in their situations constantly bicker or are indifferent to each other, but they’ve found love with each other.

In most aspects we are an average couple except that no one knows about it other than us. (we’ve told friends we are in relationships, just not with each other)

It is sad that they’ve felt this need to stay in the closet.

Our parents are not married and say that they do not plan on marriage.

I know that is relevant in the laws of some states, but I don’t think it should be. Even most of the flimsy objections to consensual incest do not apply to this situation.

So what I would like to know is would we be considered step siblings and therefore our relationship incest? Or is it ok to continue our relationship?

I would say, of course, that it is definitely ok to continue the relationship. If they want a label to apply to their relationship, how about “loving?” If someone brings up their parents being a couple, they should respond by asking exactly what the problem is with that.

Tomasulo’s answer reassures the writer.

The hysteria against consanguineous sex and consanguinamory spreads into other areas, which is another reason people need to calm down and think through these matters with an open mind. In addition to the since-the-beginning-of-time situation with siblings and half siblings, there are so many situations now with stepsiblings and virtual stepsiblings, and they should be allowed their happiness, too.