A Sister Gives Her Thoughts on Their New Life

Sometimes, after this blog publishes an interview, a partner of the interviewee or someone else connected to them wants to add some more from their perspective. This time, the lover of the man interviewed in this recent entry is adding her perspective. Read that interview or read it again, as it will be helpful for reading what this woman has to say below.

If you have any heart at all, you have to see how outrageous it is to deny this woman and her lover their rights.

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FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY:  Did you want to add to how your brother described you?

Samaira: The only thing I can add to is that we have a never-give-up approach to life.


FME: What is your take on your childhood, family life, and discovering your sexuality?

Due to our upbringing, until I was 15 and my brother was 16, we never thought that a normal person could have anything other than a non-consanguineous male-female relationship.

Vishal didn’t mention how our bond became close. Both of us have no memory of this, but our grandmother told us that I used to follow him as soon as I was able to crawl. She said he used to get very irritated in the beginning, but slowly he became comfortable, and it reached a point where he would throw a huge tantrum if we were apart for too long.

He has a habit of downplaying how our parents treated him. If he says they grounded him, it means he was severely punished. He has always been rebellious, up until around 19 or 20. According to Western standards, he was abused by our parents. We don’t know why, but when it came to him, the only disciplinary style my parents used was corporal punishment. Our elder brother and I were not treated like this. I am also ashamed that he took the blame for some of my actions. It was not nice. But despite whatever my parents tried, his inner fire never dimmed.

On the other hand our parents treated me like a princess and our elder brother was a typical golden child. We have sworn never to be like our parents.

I started becoming attracted to Vishal when I was 14. As he mentioned, due to our upbringing, I also thought these feelings were unnatural and that there must be something wrong with me. My brother was very dense at that time, but I knew that he felt the same way based on the way he looked at me. It was like someone was squeezing my heart when I saw that, instead of coming to me and at least telling me his feelings, he started dating one of his classmates. Oh, how I used to wish misfortune on that girl.

Then Vishal got caught and punished by our parents. I looked after him during that time. One day, I finally braved myself and admitted my feelings for him. I literally danced when he confessed his feelings for me instead of running away. The reason we didn’t act on those feelings was that they didn’t align with the values we were raised upon.

FME: Can you describe your feelings during and immediately after that first time?

Vishal is right that we had no sexual experience so our first time was awkward for us. But we loved it nonetheless. We enjoyed simply holding each other naked.

We didn’t feel guilty but we couldn’t shake off the feeling that something was fundamentally wrong with us.

FME: How do you describe the sex now?

Sex is an important part of our life. Compared to other couples, we have a high libido. Only due to my IVF, we are careful nowadays. We partake in kinks, but incest taboo is not one of them.

FME: Describe your relationship now. Is this a marriage, a union, boyfriend and girlfriend, what?

Our friends think that we are in a very serious relationship. If I am not wrong, they have made bets on when Vishal will propose to me.

I think there is a term called “double love” for people like us. We are siblings who are also couples.

FME: If there have been other lovers since you got together, did those lovers know about the relation and how did they react?

I can’t bear to see him with someone else. We are each others first and we have every intention of being each others last.

FME: What was it like when your other brother caught the two of you? What kind of steps, if any, have you had to take to keep your privacy?

If Vishal had not been holding me in his arms and reassuring me that everything would be alright when our older brother caught us, I would have had a mental breakdown instead of hysterically crying. We took a huge gamble when we answered our elder brother’s questions.

To follow our elder brother’s plan, Vishal had to work very hard. He was academically gifted and could have easily gotten into one of the top universities in Germany, but he compromised because I was not as academically gifted as he was, just so we could be together.

That one year in which we were apart was hell for us. We were not insecure. We trusted each other to be loyal. It was the distance that was killing us. We were also craving each other’s bodies.

FME: What do you want to say to people who disapprove of your relationship, or disapprove of anyone having this kind of relationship? What's your reply to those who would say that this is your brother preying on you?

Ours is a fully consenting relationship. Live and let others live.

FME: If you could get legally married, and that included protections against discrimination, harassment, etc., would you? Or is this a different kind of relationship than that?

In India, a wedding is seen as a festival. We spend huge amounts and our weddings are grand. I have always dreamed of one such wedding for us. But seeing current laws and how society views our relationship, this will just be a dream.

FME: Share with us your thoughts and experiences about having children and the process you’ve been going through. 

It almost destroyed me when I learned that I can’t have children of my own due to premature ovarian failure. I wanted to be a mother ever since Vishal and I first slept together. Then a thought came to my mind that premature ovarian failure doesn’t mean I can’t carry a child in my uterus. That’s how the idea of IVF came to me. At this point in time, I view the child I am carrying as ours. To me, it seems like the egg donor was carrying one of my eggs. This child will be so loved. In the future, we plan to have one more child. The egg donor has agreed to donate eggs in the future.

I saw someone on your blog ask what I was so picky about when I was searching for an egg donor. I will sound very shallow here. I was searching for a donor who resembled me. I am Indian, so it was very hard to find someone in Europe who resembled me. Then the clinic had to run various tests. This is what I was picky about.

When my family said that we are dead to them, we were not heartbroken, we expected this. But still expecting it and seeing it in front of your eyes are different.


FME: What advice do you have for someone who may be experiencing these feelings for a relative or family member, especially a sibling?

Discuss your feelings at length. A consanguineous relationship is like any other relationship but with a deeper emotional bond. Unlike in porn and smut, it is more than just sex. Remember, one wrong step and your sibling bond may also get destroyed. Also, discuss the precautions you need to take. Unlike us, don’t dive headfirst into it, not everyone has an elder brother like ours. We were very lucky. It will always be us against world.


FME: Do you consider yourself consanguinamorous in orientation, or could you be fulfilled in a relationship with someone who isn’t a close relative?

Thinking of someone else gives me an ick.

FME: Any plans for the future?

Pregnancy through IVF sometimes leads to miscarriages, so I have to take various precautions, and we are doing everything to avoid it. We also have to be careful. I have seen the majority of couples become so engrossed in being parents that they forget to be partners, so we have to do everything to avoid this as well.

FME: How was therapy for you?

Our therapist saved us from the dark pit we were falling into. We were lucky to find a therapist who was very trustworthy, that’s why we disclosed our sibling status to her. Otherwise we wouldn’t have.

FME: Anything else to add?

Imagine a 14 year-old girl and a 15 year-old boy thinking they are unnatural just because of the feelings they have for each other. How harmful can it be for them mentally? We only survived because we admitted our feelings to each other and we were there for each other after that. Sometimes we think how much easier life would have been for us if there was no prejudice against consanguineous relationships. We sometimes think about how many couples are out there with unfulfilled love lives because, unlike us, they couldn’t confess their feelings. How many are out there who have to leave each other to live safely?

Vishal: I’ll add this: Let me tell you how grateful people in consanguineous relationships are to people like you. You demand our rights. You provide solutions to our problems. You make us believe we are not alone. We are really grateful of you.

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Clearly, these are consenting adults, and yet they can't even exercise their basic human rights as things are now. They are happy, yet they are denied fundamental rights. They can't even be open about their love without risking harassment or much worse.

Why should they be denied their rights? There’s no good reason. We need to recognize that all adults should be free to be with any and all consenting adults as they mutually consent, and part of doing that is adopting relationship rights for all, including full marriage equality sooner rather than later. People are being hurt because of a denial of their basic human rights to love each other freely.

You can read other interviews I have done here. As you'll see, there are people from all walks of life, around the world, who are in consanguinamorous relationships.

If you are in a relationship like this and are looking for help or others you can talk with, read this.

If you want to be interviewed about your "forbidden" relationship, or that of someone you know, connect with me by checking under the "Get Connected" tab there at the top of the page or emailing me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com or on Wire messaging app at fullmarriageequality, X/Twitter at FullMEquality, or Facebook. I usually check for private/direct messages and respond in less than a day, so if I don't it might mean your message didn't get delivered.

If you know someone who is in a relationship that's anything like this, or "taboo" or "forbidden," please read this.

Thank you, Samaira and Vishal, for telling us about your consanguinamorous relationship. We wish you both well, especially on the pregnancy and parenthood.