The Same-Sex, Polygamous, and Consanguineous Freedom to Marry

There have been a lot of bus sightings lately here in the US. Prejudiced politicians, talking heads, and some ministers try to scare people by saying that if we allow people to have their basic right to same-gender marriage, then soon a man will be able to be married to several female slaves, some of them little girls, and it will all be perfectly legal.

Instead of challenging these bigots by presenting the dichotomy between consenting adults sharing love and coercion and child abuse, all too many people throw polyamorous and consanguinamorous people under the bus. Specifically, some LGBT rights and same-gender freedom to marry journalists and bloggers disavow the polygamous or consanguineous freedom to marry. In doing so, through throw some LGBT people under the bus, too, as there are some LGBT people who are polyamorous and/or cosanguinamorous. This should not happen, nor should hetero nonconsanguineous poly people fail to stand up for the same-gender or consanguineous freedom to marry, nor should hetero consanguineous couples fail to stand up for the same-gender or polygamous freedom to marry.

True, most same-sex marriages have nothing to do with polygamy, or consanguinamory ("incest"). These freedoms are not all the same freedoms, but they are all part of full marriage equality.

We need solidarity, because equality just for some is not equality.

Stand up to the bigots by asking them, "What is wrong with letting consenting adults love and marry each other?" If they appeal to their personal feelings or religious beliefs, politely assure them they are entitled to pursue the marriages they want, but not to impose their personal dislikes or religion on everyone else.

Bates Motel Season 3 Starting Soon

The original "Psycho" is a cinematic classic. Extrapolating from that (and the sequels? I'm not sure since I don't watch) is the prequel television series, Bates Motel. This is what l7world.com reports about the upcoming season...

The season 3 trailer opens with Norman obsessing over his mother’s lingerie and putting on lipstick. The momma’s boy even sleeps in her bed. Norma is chastised for the inappropriate behavior by her estranged son Dylan (Max Thieriot), who recently learned his father is Norma’s brother.
 
Another promo shows Norman and Norma dancing to the incestuous lyrics: “Momma’s gonna give you love.” Their bodies merge indicating Norman has gone psycho!

Season 3will start on Monday, March 9 at 9 p.m. on A & E.

Here's what Jon Lachonis says at screenfad.com...

The preview trailer, set to an eerie take on “All I ever needed”, shows various scenes of Norman (Freddie Highmore) getting way too close to Norma(Vera Farmiga),  and her not exactly resisting it. In fact you might take away that she even likes it. A lot.

Of course having a child with her own brother, Norma has lots of experience with incest so seeing her snuggling in bed with her 18-year old son isn’t that wild of a step. 

Have you watched  any of the first two seasons? Do you plan on watching the season 3, or any of the series? Comment below, if you'd like, to share your thoughts.


Having these elements in this series is not out of the blue, given the movie(s). In other movies or series, incest is a convenient tool, a shortcut to shocking the audience because there has been such a taboo (both on abuse and consanguinamory). Some viewers will say "It's no wonder Norman is messed up with the incestuous background and all" and others will say his incestuous behavior is a result of him already being messed up. Either way, the association is a negative one.

Let's get some things clear:

There's a difference between incestuous abuse and consanguinamory.
There are people who've suffered incestuous abuse who do not have mental illness nor murder anyone (though many people would support them if they killed their abuser.)
There are people who've enjoyed consanguinamory who do not have mental illness nor murder anyone.
Yes, there are some people who've suffered abuse or have enjoyed consanguinamory who've done terrible things.

If all we knew about interracial relationships was O.J. Simpson and Nicole Brown, that would be terrible.


It would be so great to have a portrayal of consanguinamory that doesn't result from, or result in, horror, but rather from good  people who love each other. Here would be some great source material from fiction, and here's some from nonfiction.

(Oh, and there are many people who have dealt with a mental illness who've never murdered anyone.)

A Commentary Supporting the Polygamous Freedom to Marry

Will Schick wrote at galesburg.com a piece with the title "Polygamy no crazier than monogamy." Thanks... I think.

A few weeks ago, Lindsay Graham asked Loretta Lynch an interesting question at her Senate confirmation hearings: “What is the legal difference between a ban on same sex marriage being unconstitutional, but a ban on polygamy being constitutional?"

The question, understandably, took her by surprise. “Senator, I have not been involved in the argument or analysis of the cases that have gone before the Supreme Court, and I’m not comfortable undertaking legal analysis without having had the ability to review the relevant facts and the precedent there…but I look forward to continuing the discussions with you."

I wish Lynch had said that an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to marry any and all consenting adults. Senator Graham or someone else would have huffed and puffed, but wouldn't have been able to provide a good reason to deny such basic rights.

Today, polygamy is illegal worldwide, except for most Muslim countries. Women are shamefully oppressed under sharia law, so I think polygamy is somewhat tainted by association. But the question of whether polygamy should be illegal in the United States is its own issue, and ought to be considered on its merits. And it seems to me that it’s the kind of thing consenting adults out to be able to choose for themselves, just like gay marriage has been found to be — outside Alabama, at least.

Thank you!

A Rose By Any Other Name

There has been a recent surge in media interest in Genetic Sexual Attraction, something that hasn't been given enough attention given an increasing percentage of the population is experiencing GSA. The percentage is increasing because the conditions that make GSA possible are increasing. Those conditions happen when close genetic relatives are not raised together or by one another, but are introduced or reunited after they're both post-pubescent, and there has been an increase in recent decades of adoptions, egg/sperm/embryo donations, and other things separating close genetic relatives, social networking making it easier for people to get in touch, and an increase in mobility in general, which makes both separations and reunions more likely.

NYMag.com ignited the recent storm by running an interview with a Friend of Lily. Jezebel.com is keeping it going with Natasha Rose Chenier, who writes in an essay and says in an interview that sexual experiences with her genetic father (who didn't raise her) were abusive because he's her genetic father and because she felt out of control, not because he physically harmed her or went ahead without her consent (he didn't do either, in fact she wanted to do more than he did.)

Chenier's experiences are her own. If she feels they were, on balance, negative, then nobody should or can tell her differently. Her body and her sexuality are hers. However, on the flip side, nobody should be able to tell consenting adults who feel their experiences were/are positive that they are wrong, or are being abused, or that they need to stop.

I'm sorry Chenier has these feelings of trauma. I wish her experiences with her genetic father had been entirely positive however they played out. I don't know what it is like to be in her skin. I don't know her mind for certain and can only go on what I've seen in these writings. I will note that she's writing essays, writing a book, and doing interviews, and that people she's working with in media and people in general are going to be much more sympathetic to, and approving of, a woman who says she was abused, than a woman who challenges their comfort by daring them to confront the fact that there's nothing wrong with consenting adults choosing to make love, even if they are genetic father and daughter. I am not saying she is being less than authentic about her feelings, so please don't imply that I am. You can read below what she herself has said. Also, I'm all too aware that journalists have to work with those willing to work with them, and most people who are happily together are reluctant to work with journalists for fear of losing everything in a backlash of bigotry.

Which brings me to noting that it's easy to point to a situation where a young woman who has had some turmoil in her life reunites with her long-lost genetic father and say she's being manipulated and abused, and to dismiss GSA entirely. But what about when a divorced upper middle-class PTA mom in her thirties or forties, who has always had good a relationship with her adoptive father or stepfather, meets her genetic father and initiates sexual contact with him based on her intense attraction to him? What if a similar woman, who had a good childhood but had a teen pregnancy that resulted in her adopting her son out, who has never been inappropriate with the children she's been raising, has that firstborn come back into her life as an adult, and they have a romantic, sexual relationship?

It is easy to find people who've had bad relationship experiences. I can find literally millions of people who'll tell you what a living hell their supposedly monogamous, heterosexual, non-BDSM relationship with someone who was in the same age range and of the same race, but not a close relative, was. That doesn't make such marriages categorically wrong, and it doesn't make interracial, adult intergenerational, BDSM, gay, open, polyamorous, or consanguinamorous relationships categorically wrong because some people have had bad experiences in those. There are people in relationships that involved GSA who are in lasting, loving, healthy relationships in which nobody is being abused. There shouldn't be a stigma, or a law, applied against them.

I support the rights of consenting adults to have their relationships and marriages without being criminalized or shamed. I don't think every individual relationship is a good one. Some people are toxic. With GSA, sometimes someone being toxic is one reason the separation happened in the first place. Whether someone acts on GSA should be a mutual decision of those involved, not something decided by outsiders.

Rather than rushing to make criminals out of consenting adults or ostracize them, let's recognize that the best way for relationships to have the help they need is by bringing them out of the shadows. Consensual sex between adults should not be a criminal matter.

On to the latest media on the subject...




First is a piece Chenier wrote called "On Falling In and Out of Love With My Dad."

My biological father wanted to have sex with me from the first moment he laid eyes on me. This I learned two years after meeting him, as I dry heaved over his toilet in a moment of all-consuming anxiety and self-loathing. This was just after the second time we had oral sex.

Why self-loathing? She never explains why, other than recognizing that there is some taboo that has been in effect. But is there a good reason for that taboo?

I met him for the first time when I was 19, the same age my mother was when she met him. They had had unprotected sex a handful of times, before she got pregnant and he made a quick exit. I sought him out because I was lonely and angry at her. She'd stayed in an abusive relationship with a new partner for almost a decade, and when it ended, my self-esteem was wrecked and my confidence shattered. I wanted to find a parent who would love me unconditionally, who would protect me. The irony of what happened does not escape me.

If having sex with another adult is "failing to protect them," then someone is doing something wrong.

There were a lot of red flags over the course of those two years, moments I'm only now able to recognize as such.

I kept an eye out for those red flags.

So when my dad started talking to me openly about his past sexual encounters, it felt fairly normal.

Adults in personal relationships often talk with each other about sexual encounters, don't they?

On my second trip to Jamaica, I started sleeping in my dad's bed.

They weren't having sex at this point, but there's nothing wrong with sleeping together.

When I started feeling sexually attracted to him—as well as shocked and horrified to realize it—I spoke of it to no one, least of all him. I hoped I would go home and the feeling would go away. But it didn't. Instead, it grew. 

This is important. It is important for people experiencing GSA to be able to talk with someone about it without being treated like a criminal or somehow defective. However, even people who have had access to such support, have still gone on to have sex with their GSA partner(s).

It was August 2009, and one day, my dad did something that deeply upset me. The heat outside was deadly, and we stayed cooped up in his bedroom, where there was air conditioning. We were watching TV to pass the time when he put on a porn channel. Sex workers were being interviewed and he told me which of them he would most like to f---.

I fled from the room in anger and confusion. I shut myself up in the other bedroom, which was oppressively hot, until he coaxed me to come out, apologizing repeatedly. I wanted to love him. I felt I needed him in my otherwise broken life. But things were starting to feel wrong between us. He was crossing boundaries; I was doing my best to suppress my sexual attraction to him. But despite my sense of impending doom, it was there. And then, we became sexually involved. 

Nobody should do anything they don't want to do. It seems from the whole of what we read in these pieces that she was feeling very conflicted.

We had oral sex a few times, almost always preceded by my descending into a whirlwind of self-hate and disgust and dry heaving over the toilet in the bathroom attached to his room.

Again, if this was entirely due to an external pressure, then isn't that pressure the problem?

It took my therapist at the time explaining GSA to me, and that it is never the child's fault (a person, regardless of age, is always the child in their relationship with their parent), for me to stop blaming myself. 

I wonder if that's still considered to be so in cases in which the genetic parent is aging and to the point they are physically and/or financially depending on a middle-aged child they just met for the first time a few months ago? Is it still the parent's "fault" for not shutting down physical affection before it becomes sexual, when that is what both of them want? Putting aside any argument as to whether this particular case was consensual or not, "fault" is a strange word to use about consenting adults having sex.

To many people, parent-child incest is as repellent as pedophilia, to which it is linked in obvious and complicated ways.

Uh, no. Adults having sex with each other is in no way linked to, for example, a sports coach molesting a prepubescent child, any more than lovers sharing candy on Valentine's Day is linked to Mr. Burns stealing candy from baby Maggie, to use a much less serious example.

So here's a new story to throw into the mix: genetic sexual attraction is normal, and very real.

She has that right.

If it is a parent-child relationship, the parent, whether male or female, is always responsible for establishing and maintaining boundaries. Failing that, they are sexual abusers.

Only if some form of coercion was involved. Chenier is appealing to a child's desire for a parent, even if this parent was only a parent genetically. Because of that desire for a parent, she's saying even consensual sex between them is abuse. I'd like to know if she'd say the same thing about someone wanting to have a wealthy or famous partner? There are people with very strong desires to have such a partner. If they find one, are they being abused?

To follow this up, Jia Tolentino had an interview with Chenier at the same website.

Did you ever feel the want of a male authority figure?

No. I definitely wasn't like Woe is me, there isn't a man in my life. My mom's long-term partner was a patriarchal butch lesbian, so I already had a "father figure" in my immediate family. But they split up when I was 19, and it was in the aftermath of that that I decided to seek out my dad. My mom's partner had been emotionally abusive, and I was desperate for anything else. So when I found my dad, it didn't matter that he was a man, it just mattered that he was a parent.

We see multiple times she was not pining away for a father she'd played up in childhood fantasies as a heroic rescuer.

Had you ever wanted to get in contact before?

No, I didn't really care too much until my mom and her partner split. It was only then when I realized how angry and hurt I was by the relationship, and decided I wanted to seek out my biological father.

And...

Was that when your mom told you his name?

No, my mom never hid his identity from me. She always said she'd support my finding him if I ever wanted to. 

 So we didn't have a situation where she wanted to be with him, but was prevented.

And you don't believe he would have been attracted to you as a child.

Absolutely not.

 So again, we're not talking pedophilia.

Did you have that sort of subversive excitement when you were hanging out with your dad?

I only really felt deviant after we broke the physical barrier. And then, we had mutually-given oral sex four or five times over the course of a few days.

How did you feel during that time?

It was literally night and day. At night, the first night, I felt thrilled. I thought, "There's nothing wrong with this, just cultural norms that are meaningless." The sexual intensity was nothing like I'd ever felt before. It was like being loved by a parent you never had, and the partner you always wanted, at once.

And then in the morning, we had oral sex again, and that's when I wanted to puke and felt like a criminal. At night I was really into it, but by morning I wanted to die. That's not hyperbole; I really wanted to die. 

Sounds to me like she was being hurt by external influences that try to police adult sex causing conflict within her, although, strangely, none of the negative feelings on her part are tied in these pieces to the cheating aspect. It would be considered cheating since it seems his girlfriend didn't have an explicit agreement to still be his partner while this went on, or at least that is what Chenier thinks. There is a possibility, however slim, that her genetic father had such an arrangement with his girlfriend.

Do you think he felt the same way?

No. He was much more in control than I was. I had tried to have unprotected intercourse with him, which I had never done before in my life, and he stopped me and said, "We can't, I'm your father."

So he wasn't an out-of-control man looking to assault a young woman. However, many men in these situations report the same feelings of being out of control that she describes having.

When I look back, he was romancing me. He was taking me on extravagant trips to exotic remote places, where we'd stay in these beautiful cabins, and he'd completely spoil me—we would go out and eat the nicest foods, it was like some over the top Disney fantasy.

Is she saying she wouldn't have had oral sex with him, and wouldn't have wanted to have unprotected intercourse with him, without all of that? What was he supposed to do with her? Sit around in a shack eating fast food? We're not talking about an adult plying a child with candy and video games to molest them. We're talking about normal behavior between adults.

Do you look back on the period where he was treating you really well and read it as grooming? When I read your essay for the first time, his seemed very much like the behavior of an abuser.

Obviously it's pretty self-incriminating to say, "I wanted you from the first moment I saw you."

Most men feel sexual attractions upon first sight. There are times when men will find themselves getting attracted to someone they weren't attracted to at first sight, but most of the time, they are attracted at first sight and remain so unless something happens to reduce or remove that attraction.

Were you looking forward to your visits as things that would then be sexually charged?

Yes and no. I did notice that I was dressing more sexily, that I wanted his attention.

As I said, she felt conflicted.

Did sex with him feel different than with other people?

It was crazy. We understood each other's bodies as if we'd been life-long lovers. I've had to teach most of my partners how to do things—and obviously he's a middle-aged man, he's had lots of sex, but there was more than that to it, some deep psychic connection. Not even speaking sexually, but things would go on with me, things I couldn't identify, and he would understand and explain them to me. It felt like he knew me better than I knew myself. 

Your reactions and instincts were the same.

Yes. The sex was intense in a way that no other sex has been. 

Do you think about it?

Yes, sometimes my mind goes there. It was the most physically intense thing I've ever experienced and I can't ignore that. 

She later explains she fantasizes about it now.

My father did ask for my permission before we first had oral sex, and I said yes. But it wasn't me. In fact throughout our whole first physical encounter I kept saying, "I can't believe this is happening, I can't believe this is happening," like a mantra. It truly was an out-of-body experience. Something else had taken ahold of me, and there was no way to fight it.

This has been picked up by dailymail.co.uk and inquisitr.com and salon.com.

For no good reason (personal disgust isn't a good reason), people who think a woman should be free to consent to group sex with three cage fighters she just met should not be free to consent to sex in cases like this. This blog takes a more consistent approach, one of equality.

Was she incapable of consenting? She felt out of control. However, women her age are allowed to get married, to operate heavy machinery, to vote and serve in elected office, and to go to war. They are responsible for their own behavior. She even explains early that her mother was very open with her about sex. So we're not talking about some clueless little child. She was an adult. I have no doubt that her genetic father had a better handle on the situation than she did. That doesn't necessarily make what he did abuse, no matter who is disgusted by any of this. Again, I'm sorry to see she experienced any negative feelings about this. I wish her experiences with her father had been exactly what she wanted, with nothing about which to be conflicted. But from everything written about it, it seems her father is being blamed for not keeping sex out of the relationship, but we're never told why he should have. Probably because there is no reason why it would be inherently wrong for them to have sex.

There are people who are living as spouses right now, in happy, healthy, lasting relationships, some with children, who were brought together by GSA. They should not be denied their rights or subject to any other form of bigotry.

 

If you've experienced GSA and want to share your story, please contact me.

For some positive examples of GSA, see here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

If you're in a GSA relationship, here's our advice about avoiding trouble. If you need help, see here.

If you know someone in a GSA relationship, please read this. If that person is now a partner of yours, this might help.

Here is how people can help in general.

Here's an FAQ about consanguinamory.

Letting People Know About Polyamory

At psychologytoday.com, Zhana Vrangalova Ph.D wrote about how acceptance of polyamory can be increased.

Does the increased presence of alternative relationships in the public arena lead people to become more accepting of such lifestyles? And does it make them want to explore these lifestyles for themselves? A new study—a first of its kind—suggests that the answer to at least one of these questions is yes.

There are people who idealize monogamy because they think they have to. When they discover there are other ethical ways, they may be more supportive of those other ways.

As you can see from the left side of the graph below, participants who read the more elaborate definition of polyamory or were asked to critically examine monogamy later reported more positive attitudes toward polyamory than those who were provided with a simple, short definition. The change wasn’t drastic, about half a point on a 7-point scale, but the experimental manipulation itself wasn’t particularly dramatic either – just a couple of minutes of reading or thinking about this issue. Imagine what the effect could be if people were presented with detailed information or similar cognitive exercises on a more regular basis.

Increasing awareness will help.

This suggests that perceptions of alternative romantic relationships follow similar patterns to those of any other stigmatized group: The more people know about it, the more accepting they become of the people who belong to it. Known as the ‘contact hypothesis,’ this principle has been found to apply to many other social groups, such as sexual or racial minorities.

If people realize that polyamorous people are people they meet every day, they'll be less likely to believe bigoted statements about polyamory.

Personal interest in trying out polyamory, on the other hand, wasn't affected by either providing more info about polyamory or asking people to consider the pros and cons of monogamy (right side of the graph above). After all, personal interest in doing something requires more than just positive attitudes toward that thing: biological predisposition, conducive upbringing, social acceptability, willingness of partner, practical feasibility... 

Right. Someone can accept that polyamorous people should have their rights, without being polyamorous themselves.

If you're polyamorous, has being out changed the attitude of other in your life? Or if you're not polyamorous, have your opinions changed by learning more about it?

Welcome NYMAG.COM Readers and Others Interested in GSA

Thanks for clicking through the GSA article to come here.

Over there in the column on the right you can find ways to connect and to follow this blog.

There at the top of the page are tabs with drop-downs of some important pages, entries, and links.

There's a Welcome message and there's an About This Blog page, and you can read about the triad that originally inspired this blog.

There's a Glossary so that you can become familiar with terms frequently used here.

I explain why we need solidarity in supporting full marriage equality and I debunk all the arguments that you'll ever hear made against equality.

On the Case Studies page I feature interviews with people who have been denied their rights, so you can "meet" people who are, or have been, in consensual loving relationships who have are harmed by the lack of equality under the law.

Are you here because you want to know more about Genetic Sexual Attraction or consanguinamory (consensual incest)? Do you have experience with those things and need help?


Whether you're a family member or friend who is looking for more information, or a journalist, or are someone who is looking to help the cause, I hope you are helped by what is here.

This blog is a labor of love. There's no advertising and we don't accept monetary contributions. Want to help? Spread the word. Also, this blog DOES accept content submissions (fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com), but makes no offer, implicit nor explicit, of compensation nor guarantees that it will be used.

(For the record, I've done about 20 interviews printed on this blog with people in GSA-initiated relationships, but I've been in communication with many, many more people dealing with GSA. Many people dismiss the current news item because of the woman's age. However, I have interviewed several women who were much older when they either reunited with heir genetic father, or started to enjoy the erotic side of their love after being reunited years before. And, of course, for some people, this happens with siblings, or aunts or uncles. Some cases are mother-son and some are same-gender.)

Tell me what you think! If you leave a comment, it will have to approved. Please note the instructions about that.

Words From an Apparent Ally

Ibrahim Al Haq wrote “Hard Look: Incest as Taboo” at the-underground.ca...

The mere sound of the word ‘incest’ invokes emotions of repulsion and disgust.

Among some, yes. I prefer the term consanguinamory when talking about consensual relationships and not abuse.

Defined as the consensual sexual or romantic relationship between family members and close relatives, incest has become one of the biggest social taboos human beings have developed over time.

There have been many rules (customs, laws) about sex and relationships over the years, but there is a general move towards recognizing that consenting adults should be free to be together how they want.

Incest is a social taboo because of how it challenges the morals of what counts as right and wrong, as well as the genetic disorders that occur through inbreeding depression.

People like to cite Discredited Argument #18 , but that isn’t the origin of laws against consanguinamory.

Uniquely, incest is taboo across all cultures throughout the world although there are some variances on the extent of socially acceptable forms of incest.

It’s not true that every culture has had a taboo on all sexual, romantic, or spousal relationships between close relatives. In some places, it has been reserved for royalty. The reality is, these relationships have always existed in all cultures.

“To me, I believe it is wrong because you grew up with these people and you see them in all stages of life so they know you so well,” explains Kent Lang, a first-year computer science student.

That doesn’t follow.

Greek mythology mentions the infamous case of Oedipus who killed his father so he could marry his mother.

If I recall correctly, he wasn’t aware of what he’d done until he was informed at the end of the story.

European monarchs often engaged in marriages between first cousins when no other suitable suitors could be found. In Ancient Egypt, pharaohs married siblings in hopes to strengthen the line of succession for future generations.

Yes, and don’t forget Hawaii.

“It’s a trust that can be exploited,” says Marilyn Yogarajah, a first-year political science student. “Abuse of power can come into play especially with relationships between older family members with a younger family member.”

Ah, yes. Discredited Argument #20

Incest also challenges the institutions of marriage and love that has been established in our society for centuries.

How so? We’re not told. Allowing more people to marry the lover(s) they want to marry doesn’t challenge marriage or love, it honors those things.

Representation of incestuous relationships like that of Game of Thrones does not depict incest in a healthy and positive light. Rather, it works to create a negative image. Maybe that can also shed some light on why incest has failed in terms of tolerance.

It would be great to have more positive portrayals.

Perhaps the best way to reduce this social taboo is to show more positive incestuous relationships in media, literature and even in today’s society.

That would be one way, yes.

It is time that our laws and culture fully supported the rights of consenting adults to share love, sex, residence, and marriage, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. That’s one reason why full marriage equality is so important.

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is here again. Many people will be getting married. Married people will be celebrating their anniversaries, or simply having a night out, as will other people hoping to get married someday, or maybe just enjoying being together in public.

If you are in such a situation, good for you and enjoy it.

Whether you are or not, take a moment to think about all of the people who can’t marry the person or person(s) they love, or can’t so much as hold hands in public without being accosted. Think about the people, consenting adults, who have to completely hide their relationships because they could be sent to prison for simply having sex in private. Think about the people who have to hide who they are because, where they live, they could be killed for being who they are. Think about the people who can’t accept gifts from their their lover(s) at work, or even a loving comment on their Facebook wall, because it would out them and get them fired.

This is what goes on because some people are being denied their rights to share sex, love, residence, and marriage. A woman still can’t marry the woman she loves in 13 states in the US. She can in Canada and some other countries, but most countries still deny this freedom to marry. Hopefully, the US will change that as national policy soon. Many victories are happening around the US. In most of the world, a man can’t marry both of the women he loves, despite both women being in favor of such a marriage.

The people in most of these interviews can't have legally recognized marriages anywhere in the world, with perhaps one or two exceptions, and we need full marriage equality before people like Linda, Melissa, and Matthew can tie the knot.

So enjoy Valentine’s Day if you are able, but think for a moment about the people who will only be able to fully enjoy theirs when we have full marriage equality so that an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, is free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults without prosecution, persecution, or discrimination.

We Get Letters About Sibling Experimentation

Anonymous left a comment on this entry about his youthful consanguineous experimentation, and more. It gets somewhat explicit...

To Know Polyamory Is to Love Polyamory

This is why visibility is important. Stephanie Pappas reports at livescience.com that the more people are familiar with polyamory, the less stigma remains. 

Chances are, the more you know about the relationship style called polyamory, the more accepting you are of such setups, according to new research. The findings echo what psychologists know about how people respond to gays, lesbians and other sexual minorities: The greater the familiarity, the less severe the stigma.

Also...

Likewise, the study found that "the more aware people were of polyamory, the more positive their attitudes were," Giuliano told Live Science.

That is why it is good to see polyamory depicted on television, in movies, etc.

It's unclear how many people identify themselves as polyamorous, but a 2013 study in the journal Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy estimated that between 4 percent and 5 percent of people in the United States are involved in some sort of consensually nonmonogamous relationship.

Polyamorous people are everywhere. Everyone reading this knows someone who is polyamorous, even if you're not aware of it.

We're not going to go back to people having to have separate beds on television, and we're not going to go back excluding any positive or neutral portrayal of any relationship that isn't heterosexual and monogamous. We're going to keep moving forward, because we're all going to be better off if people are truly free to have the relationships they need and want, the relationships in which they can best function. Having full marriage equality is part of that. There is no good reason to deny people their fundamental relationship rights.

Why Polyamory Will Gain Acceptance Faster

Building a Family, But Denied the Right to Marry

If my recollection is correct, this is the 41st ongoing relationship I've covered through exclusive interviews in which the lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.


The woman in interview below, "Devi," is a adult, someone you might live next to see every day, in a consensual relationship. They are an attractive couple that look very happy together. Yet they face discrimination and prejudice for their love, and must hide the truth. They aren't hurting anyone; why should they have to hide and be denied their rights?


Read the interview below and see for yourself what this woman has to say. You may think their relationship is interesting, or it might make you uncomfortable, but either way, should they be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?



*****

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourself.

Devi: I live in Kentucky. I have an Associate’s degree as a paralegal and am currently working on a Bachelor’s degree in psychology with a concentration in forensic psychology. I’m 5’4”, dark hair, blue-green eyes, petite. I have a half-sister from my mom, and two half-sisters and a half-brother from my dad. They are all older than me. I am 24.


FME: You currently live with...?

I currently live with my half-brother/husband, as I have for the last five years and our son. He knows we are Mommy and Daddy. He will be four in June. My oldest son lives with us through the week and goes to his dad’s on the weekends. In 2013, the court granted us joint custody of three of my husband's grandchildren and, later, a baby. They all know that we are in a relationship and have never asked any questions. They are happy, doing well in school, and are overall well-adjusted.


FME: To be clear, you are in a sexual and romantic relationship with your genetic half brother, correct?

Yes. Our relationship has been both romantic and sexual since April 2010. He is older than me by 28 years. Our dad got started early and quit late. [laughs]

Kiss This

When it comes to marriage and relationships, people often talk about "slippery slopes" as is "What's next?" Our favorite answer to that around here is "Freedom for consenting adults. What's the problem with that?" But if someone wants to talk slippery slopes, we say prejudice and denial of rights is a very slippery slope. A case in point is how the prejudice against consanguinamory causes people to discourage any physical affection between family members. Our latest example of this is the uproar over New England Patriots Head Coach, Bill Belichick, head coach of the newly-crowned NFL World Champion New England Patriots kissing his daughter Amanda.

Regardless of what anyone thinks of Belichick, the Patriots, or the NFL in general, we should all be able to agree that there's nothing wrong with such a kiss between a father and daughter, yet clearly there are people who have been vocal about their disapproval. Here's a report from inquisitr.com...

A picture taken after the Patriots won the Super Bowl shows Bill Belichick kissing a woman dead on the lips. However, this woman is not his girlfriend Linda Holliday. It isn’t even Sharon Shenocca, the former New York Giants receptionist rumored to have been in a relationship with Bill. For some, the former or latter would be far better than the woman he actually kissed on the lips, who happens to be his daughter, Amanda Belichick.

Looks like a closed-mouth peck to us. What is the problem?

Apparently, Bill’s grandparents are from Croatia, a culture where people are very hands-on. Over there, men kiss men and women kiss women as a form of mutual affection. Such behavior is considered taboo here in the United States since same-sex kissing or kissing of family members skirts perceived views of homosexuality and incest respectively.

Adults should be free to kiss each other in public, especially when they are celebrating such a special achievement. This is not something to shame. Think about all of the parents and their adult children who are estranged and hostile, perhaps abusive to each other. And we're going to have uptight whiners complaining about people being affectionate and celebratory? The world would be better off we we had more of this kissing. I think some of the people trashing this kiss via social media have some problems, some of which may be jealousy or envy.

Whether it is just a peck like the one pictured, or hugging, or hand-holding, there's nothing wrong with consenting adults doing these things in public. And if they're doing more in private, well, there's no good reason anyone should try to stop them. Down with hate, up with love.

Kody Brown Should Not Have to Legally Divorce to Legally Marry

The latest news about the Browns of the television series "Sister Wives" shows one of the problems  with denying the polygamous freedom to marry as part of the overall denial of full marriage equality.

Brittany Wong  reports at huffingtonpost.com...

The reality show's patriarch Kody Brown has divorced one woman so he can marry another, E! Online has confirmed. Before the divorce, Brown was only legally married to Meri, but called three other women his spouses: Janelle, Christine and Robyn. Under the radar, Brown recently divorced Meri and is now legally wed to Robyn, the youngest sister wife. 

I don't think it is has been made public yet why this legal change was made.

Though neither Brown nor TLC explained why the family went forward with the divorce, entertainment website Zap2it suggests the swap may have been made to provide Robyn's three kids from a previous relationship with more security within the family. 

Between the four wives, the Browns have 17 children.

That's still not as many as the  monogamist Duggars.

There is no good reason to deny any of them their freedom to marry. If each of the women wants to be legally married to him, they should have that choice. He shouldn't have to legally divorce one to legally marry another. As long as all involved are consenting adults, they should not be denied their right to marry.

The US Supreme Court should make a decisive ruling for the rights of ALL adults.

Good News From Zambia

A case that has been going on for a while, last covered on this blog in this posting, has come to a somewhat positive end. As reported at daily-mail.co.zm, a court has discharged two consenting adults who were facing criminal charges for living as spouses.

THE Serenje Magistrate’s Court has discharged two siblings who were arrested in 2013 and taken to court for allegedly committing incest.

2013. This has been going on for over a year.

Mukuwa Nicholas Bulaya, 39, and his younger sister Bertha Mwenda Chipapuka, 36, were allegedly married and had five children.

And there's nothing wrong with that.

Serenje resident magistrate Fedelis Ngosa, on January 13 this year, granted the State an application for Bulaya and Chipapuka to be discharged.

Good.

The siblings were arrested in December 2013 and were believed to have been married for 14 years.

They appeared in court for over 10 months last year for mention while the State was waiting for the Director of Public Prosecutions (DPP) to issue instructions on the case.

And what can the court do about having ripped apart their family, disrupting their lives, and all of the prejudiced bigots who have, and will, try to interfere in their lives? This should have never been a criminal matter in the first place. They have not hurt anyone. It has been a waste of public resources and is an example of why remaining laws against consenting adults being together, married or not, need to be repealed or overturned.

Polyamory, Polygamy, and Bisexuality

Here are three items dealing with polyamory. First up is a question by lasuz at answerology.com who asks women for their willingness to participate in polygyny (plural marriage)...

Ladies would you be open to being a "sister wife". What would be the advantages or disadvantages? What would be your families reaction?

Some of the advantages or disadvantages to any relationship will have to do with the individuals involved. However, with polyfidelitous relationships in general, regardless of genders, there can be a bigger support network, which can be an enormous advantage. A disadvantage can be coordinating schedules. As far as reactions from family... well, it would be nice if the whole family would be supportive of their adult child or sibling's relationships (and their gender identity and sexual orientation in general), but that isn't always going to happen.

The answers, when I checked, were mostly along the lines of "I couldn't share."

From Nathan Manske at lgbtqnation.com comes this wonderful story of a gay triad that has lasted decades.

Bob Lanning is quoted about his relationship with Don, an airline pilot who was often gone...

In 1971, when I was managing a bar in San Diego, Keith came in — his ship was stationed down there — and he came in in uniform, and when I saw him walk through that door in his Dixie cup and white uniform, I said, “Oh, my god, I’m having that sailor.” … I asked Keith if he would be willing to try a threesome, and when Keith said yes, he would be willing, then we went to Don, and the three of us sat down and discussed if this might be a possibility, and Don said yes as well….

He makes it sound so easy!

The relationship came to an end when Don was diagnosed with and eventually died from cancer, leaving Bob and Keith behind. Bob and Keith have continued their relationship since Don’s passing and now live together as a married couple:

There is video at the link.

Finally, Jillian Page at montrealgazette.com wrote about bisexuality, marriage, and solidarity...

Love often requires making personal sacrifices, as most people know. I set aside my bisexuality and my polyamory beliefs for my partner, who insists upon monogamy in our relationship. It’s not a huge sacrifice, because I love her and vice versa. But as a bisexual person, there are needs that won’t be met for me.

I think there are people who need polyamory, and there are people who can function well in, and enjoy, a polyamorous relationship but don't need polyamory.

Having made an earlier reference to a joke about the monotony of marriage she wraps up with... 

However, unlike some 7 percent of my LGBT brothers and sisters in the United States who, apparently, are opposed to same-sex marriage... and any other people who might be opposed to the institution of monogamous marriage in general, I am not against people getting married, no matter their sexual orientation. I would vote in favour of monogamous marriage for those who want that sort of relationship.

But, if I had my way, I would be married to a man and a woman . . . And I wonder how many people would say no to allowing me that sort of marriage if asked to vote in a referendum on the issue, especially in the United States?

Good question. The more people think about it, the more they support the right of an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.