Sunday, April 1, 2018

Successful GSA Relationships

There is a split in the Genetic Sexual Attraction community, as I have noted before. I checked out a certain other site's posting with the same title as this entry. Below, I analyze what was written.
We often get this question- Are there any successful GSA relationships?
To answer the question... YES!

Are people in such relationships willing to do interviews that reveal their identities? Almost never.
Or the media will inquire about speaking with GSA couples living in the shadows of society afraid to announce they are actually reunited family members living as lovers.

I don't think many of those couples (or triads) are likely to keep in friendly contact with these negative naysayers. I know some who don't, and they ceased contact after they took over an established forum where people had long been contributing.
The more I work with the GSA community the more I hear about heartbreak and pain, because most often these relationships do not work.
Because that is that is who you attract! You take a negative attitude towards GSA and you offer sex-negative counseling for people who are having problems. What happy lovers are going to bother to come to you, especially if they have to pay money (leaving an clear, easily obtainable trail of evidence some ridiculous prosecutor could use) just to use your forum?

Most romantic/sexual relationships do not "work" if you mean by that "lasting for a lifetime and that lifetime not ending in the murder of one by the other." Most relationships break up, or most of us would still be in our first relationships. But there ARE lasting, happy, loving and very passionate relationships initiated through GSA.

Some have been able to maintain a romantic GSA relationship for a few months and even for a few years. However, these relationships frequently end.  And when they end the two reunited family members do not only loose their lover but they lose their family member.

What is this, middle school? As with other sexual relationships, some relationships started through GSA become nonsexual but are still warm, friendly, and loving.

Then they go on to narrow what they'd consider as "successful."
Is a successful GSA relationship when two reunited family members fall in love and embark on a romantic journey fighting against all the naysayers and making it work?  Or is a successful GSA relationship learning how to manage the feelings of GSA, not commit incest, and waiting for the feelings [to become nonsexual] to maintain a [nonsexual] healthy family relationship for life?

Why can't both of those be considered successful? They have set up a false dichotomy.
Is a favorable outcome in GSA one that involves; secrecy, lies, guilt, shame, anger, jealousy, hurt, pinning, depression, anxiety, and breaking establish marriages and families apart? Is a favorable outcome in GSA one that involves two family members living in secrecy constantly looking over their shoulders in fear someone will find out and report their relationship to the authorities?
These are the very same arguments that have been used against interracial relationships, same-gender relationships, interfaith relationships, on and on it goes. For many people, the only problem  other than little issues found in any relationship is the bigotry of others, sometimes included in laws. And sadly, these people are not helping that situation; they are making it worse. "Oh, it's the law. Women can't vote. Oh, it's the law. You have to give up your bus seat to that white man. Oh, it's the law. You can't buy contraception. Oh, it's the law. You can't love each other like that!"

So what about relationships in places where it is legal, and there's no "secrecy, lies, guilt, shame, anger, jealousy, hurt, pinning, depression, anxiety," or breaking families apart? Are they on record as being supportive of such relationships?
Choosing a path to commit incest with a reunited family member because of GSA does not lead to a favorable outcome as evidence continues to show these relationships do not work and it is illegal in almost all the States and countries.
Well, sure, if you ignore all of the evidence going against your bias, and again, those laws are discriminatory and should be dumped, just like other laws against consensual sex between adults. Consanguinamorous relationships are not rare.
A favorable outcome, a successful GSA relationship, is one that has respect, truth, kindness and joy not only between the two reunited family members but for the whole extended family system including spouses, children and other family members.

That's one ideal, sure, and that may include sex and even a spousal relationship. We can make that happen more often by eliminating or greatly reducing prejudices, including those expressed in law. Even if someone wants to avoid or stop a sexual connection, that is going to be easier to achieve without bigotry and ridiculous laws. The negativity makes things worse.

People frustrated in their own relationships might discourage others. People looking for widespread attention might suck up to the status quo in terms of popular prejudices. The fact is, though, that there are people who are in successful relationships that involve lovemaking that were initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction and there's no good reason to discourage or discriminate against these relationships, legally or otherwise.

I recommend this forum dealing specifically with Genetic Sexual Attraction. For consanguinamorous relationships in general, whether they've involved GSA or not, I know of no better place than Kindred Spirits forum (but be sure to immediate read AND follow all of the rules or you'll be kicked right off.) The host service of KS has been experiencing technical issues, unfortunately, but the forum is great. Both of these forums are FREE to you.

We CAN make things better for people experiencing GSA!

It is up to people to decide for themselves and with each other what course their relationship will take.
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  1. I think I know who your talking about FME.. Same two people I had run ins on a certain forum, If so, they are the most, ignorant ars*holes I've ever met. They are in no way experierenced to be giving out so called advice.

    I'm glad I don't have to have anything to do with these, ummm power hungry, tabloid seeking, self induldgent people.

    Hmmm, just a little reply, funny that, I'm in a GSA relatioship, coming up to 4 years now. I'm not depressed, I don't feel guilt, I'm not angry, I'm not jelous, I'm not hurting or pining, what a pile of bullsh!t.

    GSA can work, yes you do have to hide, but that's because of society, I'm certainly not looking over my shoulder waiting for authorities, ACTUALLY I'm getting on with our relationship. GSA can be very rewarding, it's very loving, extremely happy. No it may not be for everyone, but we are NOT hurting anyone, we are just enjoying our lives with eachother. GSA doesn't have to be negative like they say. I know a GSA couple that have been together nearly 20 years now.

    It's our lives.

  2. Yes, it can work if timing is right and both are on the same page. Working through the 'icky' part can be very difficult~but your strength can make you stronger as a couple. <3

    1. And as an individual! It has for me!!!

  3. Sounds a lot like what I was told when I went looking for advice though I don't know if that was the particular place I got it or not. Essentially I was told to not to make any moves, just wait and eventually my feelings would go away as if it was just a phase. I was also pretty much told to be silent with regards to my condition. I actually complied, because it wasn't like I really had much of a choice. I mean, adults face 25 years where I live, and while I am sure a minor would face less, I don't know how much. There was also the social stigma, to which I was already acquainted with from when I was even younger.

    But let me tell you one thing, that advice was useless, and basically amounts to bottling up your feelings and throwing them under the bus. Their support was even worse, because after hearing them I felt even more alone than I had before. Everybody was out for themselves, all of their advice was basically to maintain the status quo of doing nothing, I was even told that it would be detrimental to tell anybody, which it could very well have been but many who might not want to go through with it would probably do a lot better if their family understood and was willing to help them. Such advice may have in fact isolated me and many others from help we need, either in regards to avoiding going through with it, or to actually go through with in as a minimally damaging way possible. Even worse, if somebody is looking for a way out then telling them there is no way out and you're basically f**ked regardless, and the only thing you can do is wait and pray your heart gives up on them, can you really call that advice? Can you really call that support? How is anybody suppose to get help when the helpers are just as condemning and demonizing as everybody else.

    Either they hated themselves and it showed through their writing, or they were inexperienced in the area masquerading their trolling as advice. I felt that had they just told me that I was better off dead that it wouldn't have changed their antagonism much towards me (yes it felt as if they had something against me as a person rather than toward my question).

    Around ten years later, and my feelings haven't "gone away" they weren't just a phaze, instead they have grown. My silence and and being alone in my struggle had a dramatic negative effect on my life. For several years I struggled with my depression. The past couple of years and especially the past few months I decided to discard my silence. Even if I stay anonymous, speaking out has helped me tremendously. I've found people that have supported me(though not personally due to anonymity), and I don't feel anywhere near as alone as before. By the same token, there have been people that have judged me(same as before, not personally due to anonymity), but I can see that their inexperience with the subject has clouded their judgment, their bigotry has lost most of it's power. Those that support tend to have had experience with consanguinamory, or knows somebody who has, and they learned that the arguments are inconsistent hogwash, while the bigots only have hear say of cases where not all facts are known and bias is presented. Everything else if filled out with ignorance.

    If anybody is reading this, know that whether you pursue a relationship with a relative, or you choose to avoid it. There are people that respect and support your choice. It's all about environment. I've been to both good and bad sites, and the good sites, I've stayed at, the bad ones I don't visit anymore or avoid as much as possible. This has taught me that there is more than one choice for environment, if you seek help and they tell you rubbish, there are other places that are far more helpful. You'll know a good environment is one you don't fear speaking in.

    1. Anonymous, thank you so much for your extensive and thoughtful contribution. Always free free to comment on this blog. If we're not already connected or in correspondence, I'd very much like to be. The more positive and helpful people who network about these things, the better. Again, thanks.

  4. im currently struggling in GSA.. my nephew and i are in the same age. we grew up separately because my brother and his mom were separated.. since we were a kid, i knew i was attracted to him.. im happy when he is around but i dont talked to him much because im afraid he might notice that im attracted to him.. we were in highscool when he had his summer with us.. we were both grown ups, and there goes my feelings again.. i thought i would just ignore him again.. but he seems so interested talking to me.. he even got my number and we talked to each other as much as possible.. it was then when he admitted that he loves me and so i also admitted to him that i feel the same.. but im so afraid that my family might know about us so i stop talking to him which makes him sad and avoided me eventually. i decided to share it with my sister to seek advice.. but she didnt understands me and worst she told everyone in the family about that.. i was merely moved on.. i had a family of my own and have a child at my young age, but we separated in just few months and raise my child alone. i thought i would never ever fall for anyone again.. until he came back, my nephew.. my heart was filled with happiness when i saw him again.. he stayed for three weeks for vacation and we were un separable, we got every chances we had to show how much we mean to each other.. we were like a couple.. my family warned me so we did it discreetly.. and when he was about to leave he told me that he is living with a girl and it almost breaks me.. all our sweet memories were replaced by sadness.. and he felt bad about that.. but he wants me to go with him and he will leave his girl.. but i cant, i cant leave my one year old son.. and im afraid.. we might lose our family, and there is no turning back if we will do that.. but i cant bear the thought of him sleeping with a girl.. please help me i need advice, how can i make this relationship successful..

    1. Thanks for reaching out. It is probably best if you contact me on Facebook or through email at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com

    2. If you both are adults and live in the U.S. New Jersey is a good place to start living as a family. Consenting GSA adults won't get legally hasseled, as for a complete solution to your specific worried having a child from a former relationship moving to jersey might not bring you immunity, best to seek legal advise concerning bring your child along. Jersey leaves incestuous consenting adults alone.

    3. New Jersey, Rhode Island, and Ohio are your options in the English speaking world. It seems like you two really love each other. If y'all want to be together, there are places you can go, but unfortunately both of y'all will have to cut of ties with y'all's family. It sounds like it's already at that point though for you. Y'all need to talk about what will make y'all happy.

    4. I hope you see this, since it's been a while. There are actually several countries where not only is it legal for you two to be together, but y'all could actually get married. A few are even English speaking - Canada and Australia.

  5. Hi Keith you have a great blog.

  6. Hi Keith, I really want to thank you for your great blog. It gives me the hope to successfuly establish a long lasting relationship with my biological father. We are in a very fresh gsa relationship, that grew slowly but is so strong already, that we are sure, we want to go through all the struggles, just to be together. And it takes away so much pain, to know that it is possible and that we're not alone. THANK you so much!

    1. Anonymous, thanks for your appreciation and congratulations on your love. Please contact me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com so that I can talk with you privately.

    2. As a father in a new GSA relationship with his daughter, I love to see another couple trying to make it. Neither of us meant for it to happen, but it did and she and I are more happy than either of us has ever been.

    3. Congrats on your love. I personally know multiple father-daughter GSA couples who lasted until the father passed, so until death didthey part.

      Please write me privately. The yahoo address above works, or you can use my newer account fullmarriageequality at Protonmail dot com

  7. Im forever greatful to have found your blog. I always thought I was the only insane person to be going through this. Ive always had an extreme attraction/connection with my first cousin since I was a child. He is 3 years older than me and we dont get to see each other very often as we do not live in the same country. We would see each other every 5-6 years and as very young kids we would be scolded that we should b acting like cousins, I suppose they were able to tell our attraction to one another. When I was 12 we had kissed for the first time and held hands. At 17 we would sneak around kissing each other and going out to places where we can act as a couple, (his home would be the place where id spend my summers each time Id visit) Finally there was a time when I did not return for 10 years, there was no communication between us what so ever(I never had face book) through this time I felt that maybe these feeling had passed since this was probably a kid phase sort of thing. I was wrong, now at the age of 30 those feelings are much stronger. I received a text this year after not having any contact for a decade, and when I saw his message, all those memories, emotions and feelings came rushing in. Within minutes of texting back and forth we started pouring out how much we had missed and thought about one another. We decided to see each other and finally after thirty years we were able make love and be with each other with out sneaking around like silly teenagers. We're able to enjoy each other in a different stage of our lifes where we finally have the freedom to do as we please.

    1. Congratulations on your love! I'm so glad this blog has been some help. Feel free to write me privately at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com as I'd like to talk with you more.

    2. It is perfectly OK for first cousins to marry, and even have sex! even in the UK. " Rudy Giuliani. The former mayor of New York City married Regina Peruggi in 1968. ...
      Edgar Allan Poe. For his second marriage, the famed poet and author of “The Raven” wed his first cousin Virginia Eliza Clemm. ...
      H.G. Wells. ...
      Saddam Hussein. ...
      Charles Darwin. ...
      Albert Einstein. ...
      Jerry Lee Lewis. ...
      Greta Scacchi.

      Maybe the real crime is to be born in the wrong state!
      I commiserate that sometimes it is just not that easy to move, family ties, jobs etc. But many people do move away as matter of course. Life is fine if you're a millionaire and can afford to marry at Westminster Cathedral!! Best wishes.

  8. I, I am having a dilemma. My relative and I are in love. His grandparents are my grate grandparents which practically means that he's my second generation uncle.
    For many years I've believed that we are just friends but recently I realized that we are in love and that he's ready to pursue our relationship. I don't mind being with him as a couple but the thought of having about 1/10 inbred children is scary. Do you have any experience? Is it really highly risky to think of having children in this situation? Thanks

    1. Congratulations on your love. If I'm reading this correctly, you would be "first cousins, once removed." You can legally marry in most places in the world and you shouldn't be concerned unless there is a genetic problem that runs in the family.

  9. Thank you for your support, Keith. Your blog really helped me wake up from my "but we are cousins!" fears. I have argued many times with him that the whole situation is ridiculously bizarre and that we are too close of relatives.. but he never bought into it. However, hearing words of support from you as a neutral observer (in spite of the fact that you ARE pro gsa relationships) really gives me such a great relief. Thanks a lot

  10. I'm so glad to have found that I'm not the only one struggling with the same issues. I met my 3 half brothers 4 years ago. One of which the first day we met I fell hard and was so attracted to him. After weeks of talking on the phone, he admitted being attracted to me to. It was an incredible feeling, unlike any other I've ever had. One month after meeting each other, he spent the night with me. It was incredible but I couldn't help feeling ashamed and gross because he was my brother. But he doesn't seem like my brother because we didn't grow up together. Since then we hooked up a few more times then he called it quits. He says it was just sex to him but I don't believe him. For 3 yrs we were just friends until I went to see him one night and he started to kiss me. I was blown away. That was just a few months ago. Since then we've been together twice but now he's backed off again. I don't understand what's going on with him. He's not a man that likes to discuss emotions. Plus I've been married for 24yrs, 10 of which I've been out of love. I don't know what to do. My brother is all I want. I feel like he loves me like I love him but is scared of someone finding out about us. Not sure what to's insane how all this has happened.

    1. Anonymous, I've heard very similar stories from countless people. Please write me at fullmarriageequality at yahoo dot com and we can discuss further.

  11. Thank you. I feel scared and confused. I have felt ashamed and alone. For 7 years now... I have felt like a freak. Never able to say anything out loud has made me feel like a crazy person...

    I have been learning about this topic tonight to try to find out why I feel the way I do. Reading here has made tears of relief pour out of me because it's incredible to learn there are others out there who have experienced what I have.

    I am thankful to find a place where judgement is put aside.

    I'm not sure what will happen to me or my relationship I've been hiding for 7 years but I do know moving forward I understand why I'm depressed and see light at the end of the tunnel.

    1. Anonymous, glad to be of help. Please feel free to write me at fullmarriageequality at Protonmail dot com

  12. I just discovered my family through 23andMe. I have three half-sisters, two maternal and one paternal. I am only sexually attracted to one, but it is staggeringly intense. We've made love once (about ten minutes after we first kissed - I've never experienced a feeling so strongly in my life), but we've fooled around and petted frequently. Our problem is that we're both in committed marriages (which sounds funny after having admitted to cheating, but until you feel the pull of GSA for yourself, you can't understand it). This seems like the most unfortunate way to experience something as strong as GSA - to fully commit to our overwhelming love and attraction, we would have to destroy the lives of both our families.

    Our attraction is so strong that it is almost impossible to resist. I intellectually understand I have to break this off for the sake of our families, but when we get together, my hands naturally find her. We find excuses to run errands together and engage in non-intercourse sexual activity. We write long, meaningful love letters to each other professing our undying affection and connection. We text each other constantly. She sends nude photos through throw away accounts. I can't help but realize this reckless behavior is going to lead us to ruin, but it is so hard to stop.

    She is a smart, rational person, but she is overcome with jealousy with regards to me. For whatever reason, I don't feel the same. She thinks I want to sleep with my father's daughter. She sends careless messages. If I can't find a way to break this off, I suspect I'll be divorced. If I can break this off, I may lose her and not want to live. It is miserable and magnificent, all at once.

    1. Anonymous, I’m sorry things are so difficult. You are welcome to email me at fullmarriageequality at protonmail dot com as is anyone going through this or who has a partner or family member or friend going through this.


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